"Being a Little Boy Is Now a Psychological Disorder" | Sage Steele Show | EP 90 - The Sage Steele Show

Transcript

John (0:00)

My drug is work. I'm an addict. If my buddy's drinking and my other buddy is a sex addict, this person gets divorced, this person gets sent to rehab, and I get a trophy. We're all barely hanging on.

Sage (0:12)

Dave makes me the best feminine version of myself. How did you make me talk about this? That's awesome. How did you take it in this direction?

John (0:22)

They want to be great dads, they want to be great husbands, whatever. And they open their toolkit, and the tools aren't in there. And so homes become a failure factory. And it takes a lot of humility to have to go knock on somebody's door. And I need tools, and I know how to do it.

Sage (0:33)

What percentage of men do you think actually have the right tools in the toolkit?

John (0:37)

I don't want to hear another person from this stage say, the kids of today have changed. They haven't. Parents have changed.

Sage (0:44)

When you describe Ash Low as it gets, what was the why?

John (0:49)

That's a great question, man. I don't know if anyone's ever asked me that question. Can I tell you what the answer is?

Sage (1:05)

It's crazy. But that local. Then I did regional, and then to natural, and it was like, boom, boom, boom. That whole thing about, you know, with little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems. It's the same thing, right?

John (1:18)

Yeah.

Sage (1:18)

It's more and more toxic. But I was like, wait. I. My first couple jobs, I didn't even ask what my salary would be. I just said yes. You say yes because that was my dream. It did. The money did not matter. And then you're like, wait, what? I don't understand. I. I don't think I was ever cut out for that business. I adjusted.

John (1:35)

Yeah.

Sage (1:35)

But, like, I. I was in the wrong. Yeah. All good.

John (1:38)

How is. How is. How is it? Like, how has your. I'm fascinated by people who get it.

Sage (1:45)

Yeah.

John (1:47)

And then they look around and, like, they're the same person that showed up there.

Summary

Podcast Summary:

The Sage Steele Show – EP 90: "Being a Little Boy Is Now a Psychological Disorder"
Air date: January 28, 2026
Host: Sage Steele | Guest: Dr. John Delony

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode revolves around the evolving challenges of parenting, masculinity, and family dynamics in the modern era. Sage Steele and Dr. John Delony, a bestselling author, mental health expert, and Ramsey Solutions personality, dig deeply into issues of modern boyhood, the shifting standards for men, generational legacies, the importance of vulnerability, forgiveness, marital evolution, and the vital but undervalued “toolkit” of life skills that children and parents need in today’s world. The show blends personal stories, social commentary, and practical advice in a candid, emotionally rich discussion.

Major Discussion Points

1. Work, Identity, and the Cost of Ambition

“My drug is work. I'm an addict… and I get a trophy. We're all barely hanging on.” (John, 00:00)
John opens up about how culture rewards workaholism while punishing other addictions—a theme that threads through notions of identity, fulfillment, and societal expectations.
The journey up the career ladder and its surprising aftermath.
Sage details her climb to SportsCenter and the paradox of achieving a lifelong dream only to find unexpected challenges and new forms of fulfillment outside of TV.
- “I thought I would miss it so much more than I do. I missed the adrenaline rush… but I found other ways.” (Sage, 02:53)

2. Parenting, Pain, and Generational Legacy

Learning from Pain – “Don’t waste my pain.” (Sage, 05:08)
Sage wants her kids to learn from her struggles rather than have her pain be for nothing, underscoring the repeated motif of purposeful struggle.
The cost of success for the next generation.
Both share personal anecdotes about how their children have grown stronger through adversity and how comfortable lives come at hidden costs (06:08-07:35).

3. Fathers, Tools, and Masculinity

Toolkits and Failure Factories
John describes how men often lack emotional and relational “tools,” leading to struggles as husbands and fathers:
- “They want to be present at home. …They open their toolkit, and the tools aren’t in there. And so homes become a failure factory.” (John, 22:54 & 19:00)
Generational healing and humility
John celebrates the willingness to seek help for building new skills for bonding and emotional openness, breaking cycles handed down from stoic fathers and grandfathers (22:38).

4. Forgiveness and Blame

Forgiveness as Freedom
John shares a powerful college lesson:
- “Forgiveness is the choice to …[say] I’m not carrying this anymore, and I’m going to set this part down.” (John, 23:23)
- He emphasizes “blame fairly”—recognizing both the wounds and the gifts inherited from parents (24:37).

5. Little Boys as a ‘Disorder’: Education & Societal Shifts

Pathologizing Boyhood
John critiques how “being a little boy became a psychological disorder in many ways” (29:25), blaming rigid education for turning normal boy behavior into pathology.
- “If a little boy is wiggly in class, there’s something wrong with his brain ... a good man can sit for eight hours in a classroom frozen, doing worksheets.” (John, 29:24)
Gender, School, and Opportunity
The effort to elevate girls by “squashing” boys led to a generation of disengaged men, with John expressing hope for more balanced approaches today (29:57-30:43).

6. Parenting in the Age of Technology & Loneliness

“The kids haven’t changed. The parents have changed.” (John, 31:57)
The duo explore how parental abdication, loneliness, and discomfort with being “the only one” enforcing boundaries have given way to harmful tech habits.
Strategies such as collective “holding the line” with likeminded parents and the importance of adult friendships are discussed (34:13-36:35).

7. Boundaries, Safety, and Emotional Anchoring

Structure and boundaries as love
Both agree that, contrary to appearances, children crave boundaries and structure. Sage details her daughter’s appreciation for structure, even if she claims to “hate” it (39:18-39:49).
Modeling emotional safety
Sage reflects on feeling “unsafe” for years and how only recently, through her new marriage, has she internalized the importance of personal safety and letting down her guard (40:59-41:20).
Children as Sponges
John underscores that “kids watch you,” not just listen, so authentic modeling is essential (42:26-42:56).

8. Marriage, Loyalty, and Rebuilding After the Fall

Marriage as Covenant, Not Contract
Responding to “why stay and rebuild?” John’s answer:
- “Because I said I would. …I made a covenant. …Till one of us is dead, this holds.” (John, 59:10-59:15)
Rebuilding from ‘Ash’
Both speak candidly about marital near-breakdowns, silent tactics, “violent with silence,” and the decision to start from scratch instead of walking away.
- “The marriage we had is over. Are we going to rebuild… or call it?” (John, 56:34)
The Power of Loyalty
Only in recent years, John realizes the paramount value of loyalty in marriage (63:05-64:41).

9. Is Marriage Still Worth It?

John’s search for data and meaning around whether marriage is “objectively good,” landing on the hope that his children see it as the “greatest thing I can do.” (65:42-66:55)
Sage’s Late-in-Life Love Redo
Sage shares movingly about remarrying, drawn from her parents' example and belief in partnership, safety, and showing her children love’s worth and resilience (68:38-73:17).

10. Vulnerability, Community, and Compassion

Carrying Others’ Pain Without Becoming Hard
- “I don’t want to sit with somebody when I’m hurting who’s thick-skinned. …I want to sit with somebody who will …hold it with me.” (John, 74:44-77:54)
Maintaining Compassion for Self and Others
- John’s “drug is work” analogy and advice to treat everyone with humility and compassion, reflecting the lessons learned from his parents and lifelong mentoring (77:54-79:35).

11. Bombing, Failure, and the Freedom of Vulnerability

John recounts bombing at a comedy club, the humility it gives, and the way failing publicly leads to confidence and growth—including Tina, a NY comic, telling him:
- “Now you’re one of us.” (Tina, 93:38)
Freedom on the other side of fear
- “It’s miserable, and then you just wake up the next day... And it’s this freedom. On the other side of what do you think the worst is going to happen.” (John, 94:53-95:28)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“Please don’t waste my pain.” (Sage, 05:08)
“Being a little boy became a psychological disorder in many ways.” (John, 29:32)
“The kids haven’t changed. The parents have changed.” (John, 31:57)
“Forgiveness is the choice to …[say] I’m not carrying this anymore.” (John, 23:23)
“My house is free now... because I went to finally say, okay, I’m putting it all on the table…” (John, 52:49)
“Because I said I would.” (John, 59:15)
"The second nicest thing my son ever said...I can't say that, Dad, because I know it's not true." (John, 36:47)
“Now you’re one of us.” (Tina, 93:38)
“You treat everybody with compassion, because…My drug is work… and I get a trophy.” (John, 00:00; 77:54)
“If I just get a couple of minutes with John, I can…” (John, on fans’ confessions, 65:17)

Key Timestamps

00:00-02:00 — Opening, work as identity, discussing transitions and ambitions
05:03-06:08 — Advice to next generation: pain, learning, resilience
12:02-14:51 — Personal history: John’s upbringing, the role of family background
19:00-22:23 — Parenting, failures, and intergenerational toolkits
23:23-25:45 — Forgiveness, blame, and moving forward
29:24-31:31 — Pathologizing boyhood in schools and society’s effect on boys
31:57-35:35 — Smartphones, parenting “the only one,” and isolation
39:18-40:04 — Structure, discipline, and the emotional needs of children
52:49-54:53 — John’s journey with his daughter and the healing process
56:32-59:15 — Marital crisis: the decision to rebuild or leave
62:48-64:41 — The meaning of loyalty, best-friendship in marriage
68:38-73:32 — Sage on love, second marriage, family legacy, and faith
74:44-79:06 — Compassion fatigue, carrying others’ pain, boundaries between work and home
93:38-95:28 — Bombing on stage: vulnerability, humility, rebirth

Concluding Tone and Takeaways

The episode balances gravitas with warmth and humor. It is deeply personal—an honest, often vulnerable conversation about the struggles and redemption found in family, marriage, and self-discovery. Both Sage and John stress legacy and humility, modeling what it means to “not waste the pain,” pursue real connection, and build generationally stronger families. The show’s title—about boyhood as a “disorder”—is explored as a springboard for unpacking broader crises of masculinity, resilience, and emotional literacy in modern culture, and the profound effects of parenting styles and societal expectations.

Above all, the episode offers a message of hope: that pain can be generative, forgiveness liberating, and that the work of living, loving, and parenting remains unfinished but vital.