Podcast Title: The School of Greatness
Host: Lewis Howes
Episode Title: 13 Ways You Can Start Building A Stronger Relationship TODAY
Release Date: July 14, 2025

Introduction

In this insightful episode of The School of Greatness, host Lewis Howes teams up with his wife, Martha I. Guerrera, to delve deep into the foundations of building stronger, happier, and healthier relationships. Drawing from their personal experiences and insights from Amy Marin's bestselling book, "13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do", Lewis and Martha explore practical strategies to foster unity, harmony, and enduring love in relationships.

Exploring the Foundations of a Strong Relationship

Personal Commitment to Growth

Lewis begins by emphasizing that their approach to maintaining a strong relationship isn't rooted in being relationship experts but rather in their ongoing personal journey. They have committed to monthly workshops, therapy sessions, and continuous learning to navigate the complexities of marriage and impending parenthood. As Lewis states at [00:52], "We went through years of almost every single month doing some type of workshop together, some type of therapy, coaching, reading a book..."

Alignment of Values, Vision, and Lifestyle

A cornerstone of their relationship success is the alignment of values, vision, and lifestyle. From the outset, Lewis and Martha engaged in "uncomfortable yet conscious conversations" about crucial topics such as money, family, religion, and future dreams. This proactive approach helped them establish a solid foundation, reducing daily stress and fostering mutual respect and appreciation.

Key Principles from "13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do"

1. Don't Ignore Your Problems [09:54]

Martha emphasizes the importance of addressing issues promptly to prevent resentment from festering.

“Mentally strong couples don’t ignore their problems because something is always going to be festering...” – Martha I. Guerrera | [09:54]

Personal Anecdote:

Lewis shares a recent instance where Martha had something bothering her, leading to physical tension. Their open dialogue led to an immediate resolution, highlighting the ease and effectiveness of addressing issues head-on.

2. Don't Keep Secrets [27:38]

Both hosts agree that transparency fosters trust, though they acknowledge that not every fleeting thought needs to be shared.

“I think you should keep any secrets. No, I think you should keep any secrets.” – Martha I. Guerrera | [28:32]

Personal Insight:

Martha recounts a scenario where a seemingly innocuous message caused unwarranted anxiety, illustrating the delicate balance between transparency and oversharing.

3. Don't Hesitate to Set Boundaries [34:24]

Setting clear boundaries is essential for personal well-being and relationship harmony.

“I was very clear early on. And it's not like this was ever an issue that we had to address something. But I was like, listen, one boundary for me is I will not be in a relationship where anyone screams, period.” – Lewis Howes | [35:11]

Personal Experience:

Lewis explains how establishing boundaries prevented him from reverting to past patterns of changing himself to maintain peace, thereby preserving the authenticity of their relationship.

4. Don't Become a Martyr [45:12]

Avoiding the martyr complex ensures that both partners maintain their individual identities and avoid unhealthy dependency.

“They don’t become martyrs... They’re still fulfilled as individuals.” – Martha I. Guerrera | [46:17]

Discussion:

Martha discusses the psychological underpinnings of why some individuals subconsciously prefer the martyr role, seeking validation through their suffering, and how this hampers relationship growth.

5. Don't Use Emotions as Weapons [50:52]

Emotions should be expressed constructively rather than used manipulatively to control or punish.

“They communicate their emotions calmly or at least consciously...” – Lewis Howes | [53:23]

Example:

The couple discusses the destructive nature of using emotions like the silent treatment to manipulate relationship dynamics, emphasizing the importance of open and honest emotional communication.

6. Don't Try to Fix Each Other [56:16]

Accepting each other as they are, rather than attempting to change one another, prevents codependency and fosters genuine connection.

“You can’t go into a relationship trying to fix or solve the other person's problems...” – Lewis Howes | [57:02]

Insight:

Martha shares insights from her therapy experience, highlighting the pitfalls of positioning oneself as a fixer and the resulting resentment that can emerge from such dynamics.

7. Don't Communicate with Disrespect [67:41]

Respectful communication is fundamental to preventing resentment and maintaining a healthy relationship.

“Whenever couples disrespect each other, it just creates resentment...” – Lewis Howes | [68:04]

Key Point:

Maintaining respect during disagreements ensures that conflicts lead to growth rather than division, reinforcing the partnership's strength.

8. Don't Blame Each Other for Your Problems [68:34]

Taking ownership of one's own issues instead of placing blame on the partner fosters mutual support and understanding.

“Don’t blame each other for your own problems.” – Lewis Howes | [70:08]

Scenario:

The hosts discuss how stress and frustration can lead to misplaced blame within relationships, underscoring the need for personal accountability.

9. Don't Forget Why You Fell in Love [70:08]

Remembering the initial attraction and love helps maintain connection and reminds couples of their shared bond amidst challenges.

“Remembering why you fell in love with the person in front of you...” – Lewis Howes | [70:08]

Example:

They illustrate how overlooking the foundational reasons for love can lead to dissatisfaction, using the adventurous personality example to demonstrate evolving dynamics.

10. Don't Expect the Relationship to Meet All Your Needs [71:19]

Recognizing that each partner cannot fulfill every need encourages maintaining individual interests and external support systems.

“Don’t expect relationships to meet all your needs.” – Lewis Howes | [73:56]

Discussion:

Martha critiques the romanticized notion that a partner should be a one-stop solution for all emotional and practical needs, advocating for balanced independence.

11. Don't Neglect Your Partnership [73:56]

Continuous investment and nurturing of the relationship prevent stagnation and promote lasting harmony.

12. Don't Take Each Other for Granted [74:37]

Expressing daily gratitude and appreciation reinforces the value each partner brings to the relationship.

“We talk about what we're grateful for from the day and what we're grateful for of each other.” – Lewis Howes | [75:07]

Personal Practice:

The Howeses share their nightly routine of expressing gratitude, underscoring its role in maintaining a strong and appreciative bond.

13. Don't Stop Growing [77:13]

Commitment to personal and mutual growth ensures that the relationship evolves positively over time.

“Always be growing. That's the last one of the 13 things.” – Lewis Howes | [77:26]

Final Thoughts:

Lewis and Martha conclude by encouraging listeners to adopt these principles early in their relationships to build a resilient and fulfilling partnership. They also invite audience engagement through comments and sharing personal experiences.

Insights and Conclusions

• Proactive Communication: Addressing issues as they arise prevents the buildup of resentment and fosters a healthier dynamic.

• Healthy Boundaries: Establishing and maintaining personal and relational boundaries is crucial for mutual respect and individual well-being.

• Appreciation as Fuel: Regular expressions of gratitude enhance emotional connection and motivate continued investment in the relationship.

• Continuous Growth: Embracing personal and collective growth keeps the relationship dynamic and adaptable to life's changes.

Final Takeaways

Lewis and Martha Howes provide a roadmap for couples seeking to strengthen their relationships through conscious effort, open communication, and mutual respect. By adhering to the "13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do," partners can cultivate a resilient, loving, and harmonious union that stands the test of time.

Notable Quotes:

• "We have created such a solid foundation to this point to be able to have peace rather than daily stress." – Lewis Howes | [00:52]

• "You are going to do it so well by just a little thank you and a little appreciation." – Lewis Howes | [75:14]

• "Always remember why you fell in love with the person in front of you." – Lewis Howes | [70:08]

For more insights and strategies on building greatness in your personal and professional life, tune into The School of Greatness and subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast platform.