13 Ways You Can Start Building A Stronger Relationship TODAY

Summary

Podcast Title: The School of Greatness
Host: Lewis Howes
Episode Title: 13 Ways You Can Start Building A Stronger Relationship TODAY
Release Date: July 14, 2025

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Introduction

In this insightful episode of The School of Greatness, host Lewis Howes teams up with his wife, Martha I. Guerrera, to delve deep into the foundations of building stronger, happier, and healthier relationships. Drawing from their personal experiences and insights from Amy Marin's bestselling book, "13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do", Lewis and Martha explore practical strategies to foster unity, harmony, and enduring love in relationships.

Exploring the Foundations of a Strong Relationship

Personal Commitment to Growth

Lewis begins by emphasizing that their approach to maintaining a strong relationship isn't rooted in being relationship experts but rather in their ongoing personal journey. They have committed to monthly workshops, therapy sessions, and continuous learning to navigate the complexities of marriage and impending parenthood. As Lewis states at [00:52], "We went through years of almost every single month doing some type of workshop together, some type of therapy, coaching, reading a book..."

Alignment of Values, Vision, and Lifestyle

A cornerstone of their relationship success is the alignment of values, vision, and lifestyle. From the outset, Lewis and Martha engaged in "uncomfortable yet conscious conversations" about crucial topics such as money, family, religion, and future dreams. This proactive approach helped them establish a solid foundation, reducing daily stress and fostering mutual respect and appreciation.

Key Principles from "13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do"

1. Don't Ignore Your Problems [09:54]

Martha emphasizes the importance of addressing issues promptly to prevent resentment from festering.

“Mentally strong couples don’t ignore their problems because something is always going to be festering...” – Martha I. Guerrera | [09:54]

Personal Anecdote:

Lewis shares a recent instance where Martha had something bothering her, leading to physical tension. Their open dialogue led to an immediate resolution, highlighting the ease and effectiveness of addressing issues head-on.

2. Don't Keep Secrets [27:38]

Both hosts agree that transparency fosters trust, though they acknowledge that not every fleeting thought needs to be shared.

“I think you should keep any secrets. No, I think you should keep any secrets.” – Martha I. Guerrera | [28:32]

Personal Insight:

Martha recounts a scenario where a seemingly innocuous message caused unwarranted anxiety, illustrating the delicate balance between transparency and oversharing.

3. Don't Hesitate to Set Boundaries [34:24]

Setting clear boundaries is essential for personal well-being and relationship harmony.

“I was very clear early on. And it's not like this was ever an issue that we had to address something. But I was like, listen, one boundary for me is I will not be in a relationship where anyone screams, period.” – Lewis Howes | [35:11]

Personal Experience:

Lewis explains how establishing boundaries prevented him from reverting to past patterns of changing himself to maintain peace, thereby preserving the authenticity of their relationship.

4. Don't Become a Martyr [45:12]

Avoiding the martyr complex ensures that both partners maintain their individual identities and avoid unhealthy dependency.

“They don’t become martyrs... They’re still fulfilled as individuals.” – Martha I. Guerrera | [46:17]

Discussion:

Martha discusses the psychological underpinnings of why some individuals subconsciously prefer the martyr role, seeking validation through their suffering, and how this hampers relationship growth.

5. Don't Use Emotions as Weapons [50:52]

Emotions should be expressed constructively rather than used manipulatively to control or punish.

“They communicate their emotions calmly or at least consciously...” – Lewis Howes | [53:23]

Example:

The couple discusses the destructive nature of using emotions like the silent treatment to manipulate relationship dynamics, emphasizing the importance of open and honest emotional communication.

6. Don't Try to Fix Each Other [56:16]

Accepting each other as they are, rather than attempting to change one another, prevents codependency and fosters genuine connection.

“You can’t go into a relationship trying to fix or solve the other person's problems...” – Lewis Howes | [57:02]

Insight:

Martha shares insights from her therapy experience, highlighting the pitfalls of positioning oneself as a fixer and the resulting resentment that can emerge from such dynamics.

7. Don't Communicate with Disrespect [67:41]

Respectful communication is fundamental to preventing resentment and maintaining a healthy relationship.

“Whenever couples disrespect each other, it just creates resentment...” – Lewis Howes | [68:04]

Key Point:

Maintaining respect during disagreements ensures that conflicts lead to growth rather than division, reinforcing the partnership's strength.

8. Don't Blame Each Other for Your Problems [68:34]

Taking ownership of one's own issues instead of placing blame on the partner fosters mutual support and understanding.

“Don’t blame each other for your own problems.” – Lewis Howes | [70:08]

Scenario:

The hosts discuss how stress and frustration can lead to misplaced blame within relationships, underscoring the need for personal accountability.

9. Don't Forget Why You Fell in Love [70:08]

Remembering the initial attraction and love helps maintain connection and reminds couples of their shared bond amidst challenges.

“Remembering why you fell in love with the person in front of you...” – Lewis Howes | [70:08]

Example:

They illustrate how overlooking the foundational reasons for love can lead to dissatisfaction, using the adventurous personality example to demonstrate evolving dynamics.

10. Don't Expect the Relationship to Meet All Your Needs [71:19]

Recognizing that each partner cannot fulfill every need encourages maintaining individual interests and external support systems.

“Don’t expect relationships to meet all your needs.” – Lewis Howes | [73:56]

Discussion:

Martha critiques the romanticized notion that a partner should be a one-stop solution for all emotional and practical needs, advocating for balanced independence.

11. Don't Neglect Your Partnership [73:56]

Continuous investment and nurturing of the relationship prevent stagnation and promote lasting harmony.

12. Don't Take Each Other for Granted [74:37]

Expressing daily gratitude and appreciation reinforces the value each partner brings to the relationship.

“We talk about what we're grateful for from the day and what we're grateful for of each other.” – Lewis Howes | [75:07]

Personal Practice:

The Howeses share their nightly routine of expressing gratitude, underscoring its role in maintaining a strong and appreciative bond.

13. Don't Stop Growing [77:13]

Commitment to personal and mutual growth ensures that the relationship evolves positively over time.

“Always be growing. That's the last one of the 13 things.” – Lewis Howes | [77:26]

Final Thoughts:

Lewis and Martha conclude by encouraging listeners to adopt these principles early in their relationships to build a resilient and fulfilling partnership. They also invite audience engagement through comments and sharing personal experiences.

Insights and Conclusions

• Proactive Communication: Addressing issues as they arise prevents the buildup of resentment and fosters a healthier dynamic.

• Healthy Boundaries: Establishing and maintaining personal and relational boundaries is crucial for mutual respect and individual well-being.

• Appreciation as Fuel: Regular expressions of gratitude enhance emotional connection and motivate continued investment in the relationship.

• Continuous Growth: Embracing personal and collective growth keeps the relationship dynamic and adaptable to life's changes.

Final Takeaways

Lewis and Martha Howes provide a roadmap for couples seeking to strengthen their relationships through conscious effort, open communication, and mutual respect. By adhering to the "13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do," partners can cultivate a resilient, loving, and harmonious union that stands the test of time.

Notable Quotes:

• "We have created such a solid foundation to this point to be able to have peace rather than daily stress." – Lewis Howes | [00:52]

• "You are going to do it so well by just a little thank you and a little appreciation." – Lewis Howes | [75:14]

• "Always remember why you fell in love with the person in front of you." – Lewis Howes | [70:08]

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For more insights and strategies on building greatness in your personal and professional life, tune into The School of Greatness and subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast platform.

Transcript

[Lewis Howes]

Welcome back, my friend. I'm excited about today's episode. It is all about 13 different ways you can start building a stronger, happier, healthier relationship today. And I've got my wife on Martha I. Guerrera. How's in the house? I'm excited. We break down one of our favorite books because a lot of people have been asking us, now that we're married, now that we have a baby on the way, a lot of people are asking us, how did you get into your relationship? How did you create a foundation for your relationship? You know, how did you eliminate challenges and adversities that were unnecessary early on in the relationship? All these different things. And I preface this by saying, in no way have we been married for 20 years and have all the answers. We are not this relationship expert couple coming out here talking about how we coach people on this.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

This.

[Lewis Howes]

This is our own personal experience, and this is a process that we went through. We went through years of almost every single month doing some type of workshop together, some type of therapy, coaching, reading a book, and really diving in into the uncomfortable conversations in a conscious way about our values, about our vision, about our lifestyle. And even then, it doesn't mean we're going to have a perfect relationship and there's not gonna be some type of challenges or adversities that we need to face head on. But we have created such a solid foundation to this point to be able to have peace rather than daily stress. Whereas in my previous relationships, I had daily stress and once in a blue moon, peace. And I don't know if you have ever experienced that in a relationship before, or maybe you're struggling in a relationship right now and you're just trying to figure out, how can we create more harmony together as a unit, as a team, as a couple, if you're dating, if you're married, whatever it might be, how can we create more unity, harmony, and love together? And this book is called 13 Things Mentally Strong Couples don't do by Amy Marin, is something that we break down in today's episode. It's one of the books we went through. We went through many different books because we love these type of books. As we started dating, because it forced us to ask the tough questions up front, not just, oh, let's have fun and just, you know, hang out and, you know, be connected to each other and go on trips and have this honeymoon phase. But within the first week, we were talking about some of the challenging conversations that struggle within relationships if you don't address them and create conscious agreements, conversations around Money, around family, around kids, around religion, around past history, around future dreams, around all these different things. So values, vision and lifestyle, these things need to match up and at least be in alignment or you at least need to be willing to accept the other person's value, vision and lifestyle. And they need to be in alignment with you so they work and mesh as a unit and as a new family. If you're building a relationship, getting married, you are starting a new family and essentially leaving your old family of origin, you're creating a new family together. And it takes you creating those shared values and having uncomfortable yet very conscious conversations to create agreements of the marriage or the relationship you're looking to create together. And again, just because you do all these things doesn't mean you're not going to have some type of challenges. So we are not some, you know, 30 year therapist, relationship coach, experts here giving you, you know, research that we've gone through personally and coached all these people. That's not what this is. But this is our understanding of what we've been through to create harmony and peace and a beautiful relationship for us where every day we look at each other, I kid you not, every day, even if we have some argument or disagreement or whatever it might be, every day we're able to share appreciation and gratitude for one another and come back to that, those foundations, those agreements. And so we talk about why mentally strong couples don't ignore their problems and how to confront challenges with love, with compassion. Now listen, I'm, you know, I'm an impatient human being by nature. And so I've had to condition and train myself to listen better, to be more patient, to do all these things. And it's been a beautiful process. And in doing so, you have to learn how to transform your inner world, which is not easy all the time to improve, to serve the unit, to serve the relationship, to serve the family in a way where it needs it the most. That means leading yourself to lead the relationship. We talk about the importance of developing healthy relationship habits before issues arise again. Me and Martha were going to therapy in the beginning of our relationship. Not because something was wrong or broken or there was problems, it was the opposite. It was going amazing. And I said, you know what, I want to keep the amazing going, I want to keep the healthy conversations going. So let's proactively go to therapy together just to figure out future. How can we navigate stresses, adversities, challenges together and when stress or adversity arises, because it will, whether it be internally or externally, how are we going to face it together and it doesn't mean again that it's some perfect way of navigating challenges every single time these things arise. But we have a foundation of shared conversations and shared agreements and I think at the end of the day that alone makes us mutually respect and appreciate, respect and appreciate one another for being willing to do that work. Early on we talk about all these things and more. I'm very excited about it. I hope you enjoy this episode. If you can please share it with a couple of your friends, whether it be a friend of yours that you know is in a relationship, share it with your partner and listen to these different practices as well and go back and forth and talking about them together in your relationship. If you have couples that you know who are friends of yours, send it to your couple friends and say, hey, I would love your thoughts on this episode with Lewis Howes and Martha about 13 ways you can start building a strong relationship today. I'm very excited. I hope you enjoyed this. Let's go ahead and dive in. Everyone's favorite serial killer is back in the new series Dexter Resurrection now streaming on Paramount. Michael C. Hall returns as the iconic Dexter Morgan and he's ready to take a slice out of the Big Apple. No New York City. He may have found a new zip code to call home, but Dexter's code never changes. There are plenty of monsters in NYC to keep his dark passenger very satisfied with a killer cast including Uma Thurman, Jack Alcott, David Zayas, James Remar and Peter Dinklage. Dexter Resurrection New series now streaming on the Paramount plus Premium Plan Are you ready to level up your business? Intuit QuickBooks has got your back. 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[Martha I. Guerrera]

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[Lewis Howes]

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[Martha I. Guerrera]

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[Lewis Howes]

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[Martha I. Guerrera]

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[Lewis Howes]

What we wanted to do today with everyone watching and listening is break down one of the books that we went through that really supported us in a big way. And this book is called 13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do. It's by Amy Marin, and the sub text is Fix what's broken, develop healthier patterns, and grow stronger together. And I don't think we ever had anything to fix. It wasn't like we had something broken because we were starting the relationship and creating agreements and getting alignment and all these different things. But I think developing healthy patterns is something we were doing and also finding ways to grow stronger together. But also we wanted to make sure we weren't doing wrong things that mentally strong couples don't do. And so we went through this, this book a while ago, and we wanted to break down, step by step, the different things that mentally strong couples do not do. So I'm going to let you hold the book.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Thank you.

[Lewis Howes]

And Amy Marin wrote this book, and I think it sold over a million copies. So this is a very powerful book that a lot of people have loved and has supported people in creating healthier relationships. And again, we're coming from this, from the context. This is a book that we went through. It's a process we went through. And it's really an opportunity to reflect on what's working or what's not working in your relationship. And even if you're not in a relationship, it's thinking about, how can I just become mentally stronger in general as a human being, if I'm single, if I'm intimate with someone, if I'm married, if we're dating. And the first thing that I think that she talks about, that I think is really important is she says that mentally strong couples, they don't ignore their problems.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yes.

[Lewis Howes]

Because if you ignore or sweep under the rug your problem, something is always going to be, like, festering, something's going to be resentful, and you're always going to be frustrated with one another.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

And I think it's, it's such a great place to start because this is something I think we do well. And even we are reminded when we don't do it well, even like last week, you had something on your mind. I don't remember what it was, but you had what it was.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I was just thinking about it doesn't.

[Lewis Howes]

Really matter what it is, but you had something on your mind that you didn't speak up about. That you were like, it's not like I did something wrong or you did something wrong, but it was something that was, like, bothering you.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

That you just didn't communicate about.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

And you're like, ah, why is it like my. I'm getting like a headache and my back of my neck is feeling like a little tension and painful. And every time that's happened for you, which is maybe like three times in the last few years.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

It's because you haven't spoken up.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yes.

[Lewis Howes]

And there's a problem in your mind, whether it's an actual problem or not, which. This wasn't a problem we had, but it was something you're just like, I just feel like I needed to talk about. But you ignored it for like two days.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yes.

[Lewis Howes]

And you started to feel this.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

It was like a whole week. I'm trying to remember what it was. Because it wasn't important, like, meaning it wasn't important in the way.

[Lewis Howes]

It wasn't an issue. But it was.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

It wasn't an issue for us, but it was something that was bothering you.

[Lewis Howes]

It was like, concerning you. And you just wanted me. You just wanted to talk about it.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

And once you did, you're like, oh, I feel better.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yes. And it was such an easy conversation.

[Lewis Howes]

And it was easy conversation. And so it's, it's. Ignoring your problems is going to become a bigger problem in your life, whether you're single or in a relationship. And when we can create a healthy space of, hey, if there's ever an issue, let's address it sooner than later. Because if we don't address it sooner, it's going to be a problem later.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I want to say that's the thing that I've had to work with, that I really had to work with myself.

[Lewis Howes]

Why?

[Martha I. Guerrera]

It's not the, like, I don't ignore the problems in my life in general. Before I met you, but specifically because of the previous relationship, it was very hard for me to think about how to bring up a subject. Now, regardless, like, you know, you know, people in the past that I was with was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. So it makes you, as in the other end of the receiving of that type of personality, it makes you very worried about how to bring up a subject because you start walking on eggshells as a normal pattern in your life. So then what happens is, you know, I remember even when we started dating and we talk about it recently, for me to bring up something that I was feeling like just, you know, it doesn't feel whatever it was the feeling even. Even if it was a tiny feeling, I would think so much about how to bring it up, how to mention it, because I wasn't sure how you were going to react. Because I had come from a conditioned way of thinking, everything, even the slightest little thing is going to create a blow up from you in the past. So then I was kind of worried, very worried about how to anxious worry about how to bring it up without making you upset or, you know, thinking that there was something wrong when maybe it wasn't even anything wrong.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

So I used to do this thing before that because I was conditioned that way that instead of talking about what the problem was, I would walk around the bushes and come up with all these different examples of all these different people. Remember that?

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

How do we call it? The salt and pepper example.

[Lewis Howes]

We were staying in a restaurant one time and you're like, okay, I want to tell you a story. And imagine the salt is this thing and the pepper is this, and I.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Am the pepper and this.

[Lewis Howes]

And I was like, just tell me what the issue is. I was like, you don't need to explain some elaborate story analogies.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah, just.

[Lewis Howes]

It's okay. Just tell me what's going on.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yes. Yes.

[Lewis Howes]

And some people. And. And again, we had to learn how to create an environment and a safety where, hey, if there's something on your mind, I want you to tell me. But. Yes, just let's learn how to communicate these things. In the previous episode, we talked about conscious conflict resolution.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

Which is like when something in your mind say, hey, listen, there's something on my mind that I really want to talk about and it's something that's upsetting me and it doesn't need to be a big deal. Maybe it is a big deal, but I want to talk about it openly and lovingly and I want to be curious about it. Not coming from a place of, you did this. You're wrong. I can't believe you. And shame on you. Because that's not going to create a healthy resolution.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

And also it's going to put the other person in defensive mode. Like, listen, you're calling me all these different things. I know, I'm a nice person.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah, exactly. And so I was just like, all we need to do. Just tell me what's going on. Yeah, just say it. You don't have to tell a long elaborate story in analogies. Let's get to it. And if we can agree on how to communicate issues or problems in a healthy way where it's fair we both can receive it, then it should be fine. So instead of waiting for weeks or months to say, you did this and it hurt me.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah. No, no.

[Lewis Howes]

It's going to cause more pain inside of you and resentment in you as well, because you're not communicating it. And instead of saying you did this right away and making the other person wrong because of some problem or issue, just come to it and say, hey, something's on my heart and on my mind and I want to talk about it. Yes, and I want to talk about it. And I want you to feel good and me to feel good throughout it. And at the end, are you open to that? You know, having this open conversation, it's not easy when you're stressed out and anxious about it. But I think if you set that from the beginning, it will make these problems be easier to manage as opposed to sweeping it under the rug.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I think there's an easy example that I can think of, and she does very well explaining in the book different examples that she has with patients and in therapy and all of that, but bringing it home. I'm just going to give an example. There was a time in which grandpa was very, very ill at the hospital, right? And it was the first time he had ever been at the hospital. And for some reason, everybody flew in, in the city, you know, because everybody thought, this is it, Grandpa's going to die. And I was stuck in Mexico shooting a movie and I couldn't come here. So I was helping my mom in between takes, translate what the doctors were saying and all of that. And I was like, ah, panic mode. And I. I told you I'm struggling with this thing with Grandpa, blah, blah, blah. Then the day went by, and later, like hours and hours later, you texted me a photo of a frame of a picture. Do you remember this? And you said, hey, do you think we should buy this picture for our home? Like this picture frame, piece of art, piece of art from our home. And I remember because this is the thing one has to train ourselves, like we have to train ourselves. When you are in panic mode or in whatever, any of these modes, it's easier for your brain to go into thinking badly very quickly of your partner or of anybody very quickly. It's easier because you don't have the normal filters that you have in life of giving the benefit of the doubt to the other person, thinking they're coming from a good place. No, you're in panic mode. And so sometimes what happens is that, you know, this thing activates in you that no matter what happens? You're. It's almost like you're not. You're not yourself at that moment. And in my mind, immediately, I went to, how insensitive. I can't believe he's not checking in with me to say, hey, how's your grandpa doing? I don't care about a piece of art. What is it? So it's easy to go there. What is he thinking? I don't understand. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I watched it. It's almost like, thank God I had the ability at that moment to step out and watch these thoughts unfold inside of me. And the other side of me, that is the part of me that is conscious was like, I know Louis. Reason number one, we've never been in this situation. He doesn't know how to deal with this. Perhaps maybe he's sending me this to distract myself. So I don't. I'm not overly stressed or thinking about this. Another option he forgot. And that's okay, you know, like, there's so many options, A, B, C, D. You can think before thinking the worst case scenario of a person that loves you. Right.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah. And I think it's. It's asking what you need, saying, hey, here's what I would love. You know, I'm going through this right now. I'd love for you, or if you're not getting what you need, ask for it.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yes. And this is exactly what happened. So I remember I went through that, and I just thought to myself, you know what? No, he was just. Either any of these options, A, B, and C and D before this last option. Right. Because in general, in our relationship, I know you are thoughtful, you are caring, you are loving, like you do all these things naturally. So why would I think, oh, malevolently, just today, he decided to hurt me the most by thinking in sending this message to me. So then I would feel hurt. That's not. What is that. Right.

[Lewis Howes]

Exactly.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

So. But I still had it inside of me, and I didn't know how to bring it up. Right. Because it still kind of affected me. And so. And I remember we had a very beautiful conversation about it. It was really short. That's the thing. It doesn't need to be too long. And it was like, you know, love. This happened. And I felt this way, you know, because I said, you're. I started with, like, you're always very.

[Lewis Howes]

Thoughtful, but you weren't yesterday. Yeah, but.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Which is why it surprised me.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

That, you know, yesterday, that it was such a hard thing. You. You know, it felt like, you weren't. But I know it probably was any of these reasons, but I just want to let you know. And you said to me, what do you need from me? And I'll. You know, I'll do what you need right now.

[Lewis Howes]

Exactly. And then for me, you know, and that I can't remember exactly the whole situation, but I remember you telling me what happened on the phone and me being like, I'm so sorry you're going through this and listening to you. And then, you know, after however many, I don't know, 10, 20 minutes, the conversation was done, and you went back to your family. For me, I'm like, I'm being present. I'm listening to you. It's what you need. Okay. I'm kind of helpless in the meantime. Like, what can I do? And I also went through a similar situation where my grandfather back in the day was, like, in and out of the hospital for, I don't know, different years as he was getting older. And inside of me, I'm also like, oh, this is the first time I know he's okay. In my heart, I was like, he's okay. I know he's okay.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

Like, I know what they're talking about, and I know he's okay. And so I just wasn't thinking other than that. To be like, let me check in every 10 minutes to make sure. How you feeling? How you feeling when the whole family is in chaos?

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah, the whole family.

[Lewis Howes]

How are you feeling? How you feel? Are you okay? Huh? It's like, I know people just need to go through their process. And then at night, I can ask you, how you feeling? But, you know, I'm also not the guy who's gonna be texting every hour. I hope you're okay in this month.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

It was a really good conversation because. Because I got to express myself in a conscious way and say what you needed because. But this is the thing. This is why I think it's important to take space. Like, if. If you react immediately to however you're feeling, and especially in this situation, that it was a hospital situation, you're most likely going to react poorly.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

And in my mind, I was thinking this. So then I took my time. So that was good. Then I approached the conversation by saying to you.

[Lewis Howes]

That's what I mean.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

No, before that. It was saying to you, like, you. You're so thoughtful. You do all of these things and you do. And then. Then I. Then I told you, hey, this is.

[Lewis Howes]

But you didn't do this today.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

It was just.

[Lewis Howes]

And it felt weird and then I.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Told you how I felt. So it was not like, oh, you ignored me the whole day. I don't know, I'm just saying words. But instead of that, it was like I felt alone. Could you please check in with me more?

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah. And I was like, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel alone. It's not my intention.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

It was not your. I know it. So we tend to assume is the other person's intention.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah. And when you communicate and say tomorrow, can you check in with me a couple times throughout the day? Then I know what to do, what you need. But if you don't communicate it, they're just going to be frustrated. Too many people finish their workday feeling frustrated, drained and unfulfilled. The good news is that's not how it's supposed to be and it's a problem that can be solved. Patrick Lencioni, author of the classic book the Five Dysfunctions of a Team, has created a new assessment that more than a million people have already used to identify one what he calls your working geniuses. It helps you identify the kind of work that gives you joy and energy, and just as importantly, it also allows you to pinpoint the work that often drains you of joy and energy. The whole greatness team over here took the assessment and it's super quick and easy. We are so eager to look through all of our results. So go to workinggenius.com right now and take the assessment which takes just 12 minutes and you'll immediately receive a report that gives you a new and profound insights that will transform the way you work. Whether you're a CEO, a newly hired employee, a podcast host like me, a volunteer in your church, or even a stay at home parent. Again, take the [e-mail] sometimes it feels like staying healthy is a full time job. Getting enough exercise, relaxation, water and nutrients every day plus balancing all of life's other responsibilities is a constant challenge. That's why Nature's Bounty has been a total game changer for me. It's the life hack we've all been needing. Nature's Bounty has a bounty of solutions to supplement your health and wellness. Their new Superfoods Plus Energy packs nutrients from a blend of 23 fruits and veggies into just one capsule a day. Plus it has B vitamins from organic quinoa that helps promote cellular energy. And since I started supplementing my day with Nature's Bounty Superfoods plus Energy, I've noticed how easy it is to optim energy and get the nutrients your body needs all in one simple capsule. It's a straightforward way to support your daily routine and free up time for what matters most to you. And if you're looking to relax your mood, their anxiety and stress relief tablets feature clinically studied Ashwagandha KSM 66, designed to support occasional stress and anxiety. Nature's Bounty it's in your nature. Learn [e-mail] these statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. You ever walk out of the grocery store or fill up your tank and just think, how is everything this expensive? Feels like prices are going up everywhere and how great would it be if just once something actually just went down in price? Well, at Metro that's exactly what's happening. They've lowered their prices and are giving you a five year price guarantee on talk, text and data line now 20%. Lower family plans also lowered. Oh and you also get a free 5G phone, all with no ID required and no activation fees. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store, visit metrobyt-mobile.com or call to find out about their amazing offers. Bring your number not available if currently at T Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days. Guarantee covers monthly price of on network, Talk, text and 5G data for customers activating on an eligible plan. Exclusions apply. [e-mail].

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Then there's the other thing. Very quickly when it says don't, they don't ignore their problems. Another thing that sometimes happens and it doesn't happen with us, but I've heard it happening to other people is when people have a problem and they sweep it under the rug and they never get to talk about it.

[Lewis Howes]

They don't get to the root of it.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

They don't get to the root of it. Or to try to understand, they let's say they explode with each other. Something happens, it becomes an argument. Nobody says I'm sorry. And then they behave the next day or even like a few hours later like it never happened.

[Lewis Howes]

They don't address to the root of it. They don't get to the root of it.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Creates. I mean for you. I mean if you think about it, I feel frustrated.

[Lewis Howes]

But like why? Why did we just argue and we just swept it on the rug and we never got to the result of it. We never got to like a solution. I'd feel. I'd feel a little anxious. I'd feel frustrated. I'D feel resentful, all these things. That's how I would feel. So be like, I need to talk about this. And if you don't want to talk about it, then what are we doing?

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Right.

[Lewis Howes]

It'd be frustrating. I feel like I didn't have a partner, you know, so.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

And what happens when they talk about it constantly, or let's say, not frequently, but you've brought up something and you brought up something, and it doesn't get addressed. They say, yeah, yeah, I hear you. I'm here for you. I understand. And it continues to happen.

[Lewis Howes]

Be tough.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

It'd be tough, yes.

[Lewis Howes]

Very tough.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

But this happens. This happens in relationships.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

13 things mentally strong couples don't do. That's one of them. They don't ignore their problems. The next thing is, I'm not going to go through all 13 of these. Probably I'm going to pick a few of them. The next one is they don't keep secrets.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Ooh, that's a good one.

[Lewis Howes]

Why do you think married couples or couples should keep any secrets?

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I think should keep any secrets.

[Lewis Howes]

You think couples or married couples should keep any secrets? Is there any secrets you should keep?

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I don't think so. I don't think so. I think there's two different aspects here. One is. How do I say this? Being absolutely, completely transparent about everything you do and say and think. That's one thing. And another thing is being honest, which I think is different.

[Lewis Howes]

So should you be one or the other?

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I think there's some things. For example, there are thoughts or things that can harm the other person that you. You might as well just keep them inside of you.

[Lewis Howes]

Okay.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Like, why would you share those things? If it's something that you need to work on and you are consciously working on those things.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

To what purpose or what end are you going to bring it to the other person? That's what I'm talking about, transparency. Like being 120% transparent with everything you think of it.

[Lewis Howes]

You don't need that.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

No. Because you may change tomorrow, you know, whatever it is that you're working on.

[Lewis Howes]

But honest is.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Honesty is important. Yeah. And then I think in general, like, if I start thinking in the terms of, like, ooh, I should keep this a secret from Lewis, that tells me this is something that there's a line here that is getting. That could be getting into, like, the danger. So why would I keep that from you? Right. You know. Oh, unless there's something that perhaps is not integrous or is not. Ah. So then. Then It's a self conscious exercise that you go, no, you know, what do you think?

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah, I don't think you should keep secrets.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah. No.

[Lewis Howes]

I also said from the beginning, when I first started dating you, I was like, I'm going to be honest about everything and you may not like it.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

So hopefully you can receive it and take it.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

And. And I was just like, you know, you asked me like stuff early on that I was like, you sure you want the answer?

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I know, I remember.

[Lewis Howes]

I was like, oh, here it is. And you're like, okay. Like, all right. And so I think you have to. I think the other person has to prove that they can receive honesty and really take it in.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I am so happy you're touching that subject because this is something that.

[Lewis Howes]

Because if I'm honest with someone, you know, if I was honest with you in the beginning about certain stuff, like my past, certain things maybe I'm not proud of or whatever.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

And I'm like, I really don't want to share certain things, but if you ask me a question and I can either say, are you sure you want the answer? Or I kind of don't want to share, but if you want it, I'm going to tell you the truth. But if you hear the truth and you don't like it, it's kind of on you now because you've asked for the truth. And so if you can't handle it, if you're reacting or something, that's so crazy. Ah, I can't believe you. Ah, that's hurtful. But I'm like, this is something that happened in the past.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

So you mean like you shared something.

[Lewis Howes]

And people reacted and you react to it, the truth. It's not going to make the person want to share the truth in the future? No, it's going to make them want a person want to hide or like hold back certain things because the other person cannot receive the truth. And I said to you, I'm going to be honest with you from the very beginning. I was like, I'm going to be honest with you, but you got to be willing to receive it. You can't like scream at me or shame me or whatever it is. Like, be like, I can't believe you thought that way. Whatever it is, you have to be like, okay, I hear you. You don't have to love it, but you have to be willing to receive it.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I have a good friend that said to me once she confided in me about something that was going on in her relationship in which her partner, after being together for a while, trusted her into telling her, listen, I did a couple of things, you know, that it's hard for me because I've been struggling having it inside of my heart. And now I'm bringing it up to you and I want to share this with you. And she, you know, shared the story with me. She said, I was so angry, I was so upset. I can't believe. And she went into the thing of, like, why is it that all this time you didn't share it and it wasn't like years. I'm just talking about months. Like, not, not even like a few months. And she reacted that way, like, you know, And I understand the reaction, by the way, because, you know, depending on how you grew up, where you're coming from and where you're in life at that moment, somebody sharing something that hasn't shared with you before could trigger insecurities inside of you. The path that she chose was to make him wrong for having shared that. And she asked my opinion. And I was like, do you really want to know my opinion? She's like, yes. I said, well, I think what he did is an act of love. What? And I said, yes, he did. I think at that moment when he finally decided, after struggling with himself, to be honest with you and telling you, you know, what happened and it wasn't. I'm not talking about infidelity. I'm not.

[Lewis Howes]

Right, right.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I'm talking about something from the past.

[Lewis Howes]

Before they met.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yes. When they were not together. So I said, he was trusting you. He was literally trusting you at that moment. Hey, this. This is me. It's almost like taking off your clothes. Like, I'm naked here in front of you. And instead of embracing it, you went into.

[Lewis Howes]

I can't believe you.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I can't believe you did this. And not only, this is wrong. How horrible. Shame on you.

[Lewis Howes]

Oh, so it doesn't make you want to be honest in the future. It makes you second guess, should I share this or not?

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yes. So I said, I said, be careful because now it's going to be very hard for him to share and open up in other things in life, anything in general, in the future, because we got this as a precedent that you, you, you know, you, you, you can't take him.

[Lewis Howes]

Yes.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

So we gotta be, you know, our heart enough, big enough, and open the space for the other person to be 100%.

[Lewis Howes]

Don't keep secrets.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

No.

[Lewis Howes]

But you don't have to be fully transparent about every thought you have in your mind.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Can you Imagine.

[Lewis Howes]

No, crazy.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Especially about emotions and things. Emotions come and go. If you're, like, telling every single emotion you have to the person you're with, all these things. And now I feel like this, and.

[Lewis Howes]

I feel a lot.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

It's going to be a lot. Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

The next thing is, I think one of the most important steps is what mentally strong couples don't do, is they don't hesitate to set boundaries.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yes.

[Lewis Howes]

And I think from the very beginning, we. I mean, I was very clear on my side that I needed boundaries in my relationship.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

And I was clear with you that I didn't feel like I had those in previous relationships. Same with you.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

And I was just like, this is who I was. So I was almost like, trying to get you to run away from me. Not in a bad way, but I was like, this is who I am. This is what I think. This is what I believe. This is how I act. This is how I behave. I'm not willing to do this. I am willing to do this. I was like, I don't care what you think of me. This is who I'm going to be and take it or leave it, you know, type of mentality.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

It was so clear because, you know, in the past, you dated very sensitive people.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah. I was just like, I was never able to really be me without someone getting upset at me. So I felt like I had to keep the peace by changing who I was all the time. And it was exhausting trying to keep the peace. And I think the best way to have peace in your life is to create boundaries and to hold onto those boundaries and just set a firm boundary on certain things. And I was just very clear early on. And it's not like this was ever an issue that we had to address something. But I was like, listen, one boundary for me is I will not be in a relationship where anyone screams, period. Oh, yeah.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

No, thank God.

[Lewis Howes]

And so if you like to scream at me, it's not going to happen. We're not going to be there.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

And I just come from a relationship in which I was the receiving end of a lot of. I don't want this.

[Lewis Howes]

And I was just. So I was just clear, like, here are boundaries for me. Like, it can't even be a little bit. That then gets more and more and more. So it has to be a clear boundary. There's no screaming, there's no this. There's. This doesn't work for me. That doesn't mean you have to be perfect with your emotions all day long. I'm not saying that, but there are certain things that we should not accept. You shouldn't accept me to scream at you, you shouldn't accept me to do whatever other things too that don't make sense for you. And it's just being very clear about that. And I think we were really good in the first year, year and a half when we started in therapy, which I think was another powerful thing. We were clear on those boundaries by creating agreements. And I think that made the relationship for me at least feel safer and same for you. And one of the things that we also did, we started making boundaries in our individual lives as well, really in the last couple years. So we created boundaries with each other and then it's boundaries with friends, family, colleagues, worker, you know, all these different things in life to continue to protect our energy in the relationship and outside of the relationship, work, whatever it might be. Just finding ways to continue the skill of boundary setting.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yes.

[Lewis Howes]

To create more peace and freedom inside. And I think both of us love people, like people, we want people to be happy. And we both overextended ourselves.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

We have been people pleasers in the.

[Lewis Howes]

Past, both in people pleasers in the past. We've both overextended ourselves to try to make everyone happy around us, everyone feel good around us by sometimes giving more than making our and not making ourselves feel good or feeling frustrated in the process. And really, in the last couple years, we both had to learn hard way. Okay, we had it figured out with us, but we didn't have it figured out with everyone else. And it was like both of us in the same timeline were just doing it one after one after one, just creating boundaries. And it has given us so much more peace and freedom in life. And so, you know, just because you're in a loving, beautiful relationship with someone doesn't mean you don't need to create a boundary with them around something.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

How do you think it's the best way to create a boundary or the.

[Lewis Howes]

Way that works for you, Loving boundary and say, hey, listen, this is something. And then. And when you do it early on and you communicate it early on in relationship, you don't just give in to everything. It's easier, it's harder to create a boundary 2, 5, 10 years in when you've never created one. But from the beginning we did that with each other. Hey, this is something I want. You know, you said, this is what I want to create in the next two and a half years. If we're dating, like I want to get married the next couple years. I Want to start building a family in the next two, three, four years? Is that something you want? And if it's not something I wanted, you'd have been like, okay, see you later. It would have been a boundary for you if you're not at least open and interested in that same vision. And if you would have said, well, maybe he'll change. Maybe he'll be open to it once he falls in love with me in.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

A few months, maybe I'll convince him, maybe I can.

[Lewis Howes]

Maybe I'll fix his mentality and he'll want to do it in three, four years. And then three, four years comes and I haven't proposed and we're not engaged and we're not married and I'm not speaking about family. You would be resentful and frustrated. You'd be. You still be like nagging at me constantly. Be like, why aren't you doing this? Why aren't you doing this underneath? It's because I wasn't meeting an expectation. Because you didn't set a boundary. Yes, you maybe communicated. You maybe said, this is my dream, what do I want? And I'd be like, yeah, I'm open to it. But if you didn't really dig in and be like, do you want this? Are you clear?

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

And. And if I didn't want it, you could have been like, okay, this relationship doesn't work for me. That's a boundary. And it's a loving boundary. Maine, where life, the way it should be transforms all who encounter its spectacular landscapes. Rugged coastlines, pine scented trails, sandy beaches, sparkling lakes and tranquil forests inspire you to reflect and make meaningful moments. They offer endless opportunities for adventure and exploration. Whether pedaling or paddling, hiking or biking, Maine has more than enough outdoor spaces to make the most of long summer days. Relish in exquisite flavors harvested from the ocean and the rich soils of orchards and fields. Maine's makers are rooted in its heritage while boldly branching into new ways of thinking, doing and being. Connect with its people in warm and authentic towns where which beckon you to stroll art galleries and locally owned shops where generations of artists, writers, entrepreneurs and craftspeople see the world anew. It's tempting to do it all when you visit, but take a beat and a breath. Get a feel for the time and tempo of Maine. Simple pleasures. Scenic adventures where every route is the scenic one. Discover [e-mail] you've probably heard me say this before, but taking care of your health should be your number one priority. What you put in your body directly impacts Impacts how you think, how you feel and how you show up in the world. And whether you're training for a marathon, you're running a business, or just trying to get through a busy day with energy and clarity. Nutrition is fundamental. And when I fuel my body right, I perform better. Period. And that's why I'm a big fan of RX Bar. RX Bar is all about simple ingredients and honest nutrition. They lead with transparency. Just look at their packaging says no bs. Just real ingredients like egg whites for protein, dates to bind and nuts for texture. Whether you're on the go or in between meetings, they've got something that fits. The original 12 gram protein bar, the nut butter and oat bar, soft, crispy and packed with 10 grams of protein. Or the mini, just 100 calories with 6 grams of protein. RXBar is the proud sponsor of no BS. And they want you to say no to what's holding you back and yes to what fuels your greatness. Use code greatness on RXBar.com for 25% off. RXBar. Proud sponsor of no BS. Subject to full terms and conditions and to change. Valid until September 30, 2025, and may not be combined with other offers. See rxbar.com for full details and limitations. You don't have to yell at someone or shame them. Just. All right, it doesn't work. And that's okay.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah. It's. The thing is that you. Because in the past. I struggled in the past with setting boundaries because I have been a people pleaser.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

And. And it's.

[Lewis Howes]

Most people are.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Most people are.

[Lewis Howes]

Most people are.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah. It's hard sometimes.

[Lewis Howes]

It's hard sometimes because you want to be liked, but you want people to. You know.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

But I think it does come to self acceptance.

[Lewis Howes]

Yes.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

And being okay with walking away from.

[Lewis Howes]

Walk away.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Seriously.

[Lewis Howes]

It's like walk away.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Walking away from that situation.

[Lewis Howes]

That's it.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

From that scenario. Because. And you. And you. And knowing you're going to be okay. Because at the end of the day you're going to be okay.

[Lewis Howes]

Yes.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

So why would you be in a relationship or in a situation in which you guys are not aligned and yet you have the hopes that this thing is going to change and you are not setting a boundary because you don't want to have ruffle the waters.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

You just start resenting inside of you. That's a big invoice. You're going to charge later.

[Lewis Howes]

And if you can. Yeah. And if you could do this, you know, in the first six months or first year of a relationship, start doing some of these things, it's going to set you up for more success. If you wait two, three years in and you never have any of these conversations and you never do any of these things, you are just going to be two years in and feeling like this. Problems everywhere. Yeah, you like went in. Everything was like beautiful. And we love each other and the chemistry and explosion and passion. But if you don't address these things.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Early on, I just remember the, the Vegas example. And then our friend that shared with us remember that it's a couple that got divorced and he had a big opening and event that he was going to have with a chef. He was excited about going to this event and his partner was like, wait a second. But this is the same weekend we're moving in together. So we're moving in together and you also have this event and it was just an evening, a few hours and he was just sharing with us. I decided not to go to the event that I was very excited about. It was my passion event. He decided not to go in order to please someone who he's no longer with, by the way, because it didn't work out because of these things. He didn't set a boundary and it was beautiful because he said that's on me. I didn't set a boundary.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah, I didn't go and communicate I'm doing this and allow her to be upset. And he said that set the precedent for our entire relationship because I gave in once to make her happy and then I gave in every time that I wanted to do something. She needed me, there was a breakdown. So I always gave in to try to keep the peace. And then that's not setting a strong foundation. And so don't hesitate to set boundaries is a big one. The next one is don't become a martyr.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

What is this such a good one.

[Lewis Howes]

What does this mean? Why do you mentally strong couples not become martyrs?

[Martha I. Guerrera]

We've learned this during our preparation as before getting engaged and then, you know, before getting married. But some people misuse the word sacrifice and we know and we're going to learn it even more as being married. But a long term relationship does require some sacrifices and it doesn't mean something that is going to feel like, oh my God, my arm is caught. Like meaning like, ah, this was such a strong thing that I had to let go in order to make this person happy. Just like we were saying. No, it's little things like this. Well, you know, I have my time to work out. I Have my time to. To run my business. And then maybe, you know, lately I've been playing pickleball a lot. But now we have a child, and I actually want to spend time with our children. Maybe I'm gonna sacrifice this one day that I used to play pickleball to be with my family. And then you realize it's not a sacrifice because you're a kid.

[Lewis Howes]

I will never give up on pickleball.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I love that you played pickleball.

[Lewis Howes]

I will never.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

No, it's just the first thing that came to my mind.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah, of course. But you realize, or you're like, I'm get up earlier. I'm gonna do something else.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Maybe I can change the pickleball thing. In the morning, I'll call my friend and see if we can play. Those are the sacrifices we're talking about, right? Somebody gets sick. Okay, well, that's a sacrifice when it becomes a martyr.

[Lewis Howes]

What does a martyr mean?

[Martha I. Guerrera]

In a relationship, a martyr means a person that is being unhappy in their life and you're offering help to them. I'm going to help you with this. Do you need support? I'll bring somebody to help you. You need this. You're struggling with this. And they refuse the support because they are. It's almost like subconsciously, they prefer to sit in the martyr situation. So you see how much I suffer for us and the relationship, and I'm.

[Lewis Howes]

Not willing to receive support unless it's like, you sacrificing more to, like, be miserable with me or something.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

When they become competitive, because it happens to men and it happens to women, they become competitive. The woman starts saying, I am so tired. I'm, you know, I'm taking care of the kids. I also have a job. I'm doing all these things. I'm putting all my efforts. I'm making you food. I'm all this, and I'm exhausted. And then the man says, well, I've been working on this, trying to bring more money to the household. I'm doing all these things. I suffer more than you. No, you suffer more than me. And you start. You're literally taking an accountability of who is suffering more. And you're making the other person the subject of all your suffering. Yet when the other person tries to support you, you say, no, because I. How do I explain?

[Lewis Howes]

Why wouldn't people receive their support if they're in a martyr position?

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Why wouldn't they receive the support?

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah, why won't you receive it if you're so overwhelmed and so stressed and have suffering so much In a relationship, why not just receive the support and set yourself free?

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I believe it comes from two different things, but this is my personal belief. Again, I'm not an expert, but this is what I think. I think one of them is. Sometimes it can happen to all of us. There's moments in which you get used to an emotion over and over again. You repeat that emotion inside of you. It becomes you. It becomes your reality and your version of reality. And when a solution is being offered to change that, perhaps you don't want it to change because you're getting the attention that you need from being a martyr. In this case, from being a victim of what's happening. It's almost like a subconscious game that inside of you, you want to be freed of this, but subconsciously you don't want to, because you are getting the attention that you want by saying, look.

[Lewis Howes]

At all what I'm doing and look at my suffering.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Look up my suffering. And the other thing is, because your suffering perhaps is validating you, your existence. Because if I get help, if I do these things, then why am I here for?

[Lewis Howes]

I'm not needed anymore.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Then I'm not worthy. So it's all. Obviously, I think it's subconsciously that I think this is happening inside it. If you help me, and I'm used to arguing with you, and unless there's an argument in my life, I don't feel alive because I'm used to all the chemicals and the emotions that argument brings. I don't want to change that. Because this is me you want to change if I don't have these things. No, I mean, I don't want it.

[Lewis Howes]

You want to change it, but it's your identity.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

You say you want to change it, but you really don't want to change it because it has become your identity. It literally has become. I think. And so it kind of like comes both ways, chemically. Chemically, you're feeling the emotions, and unless you feel those emotions, you don't feel alive. And the other thing is, if I get all the help and all the stuff, how am I going to get the emotions I was getting for being a martyr? And if I get the help, then am I really worth as a person?

[Lewis Howes]

Yes.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Because perhaps me being a martyr proves that I exist, that I'm worthy of your love and recognition and validation. I don't know.

[Lewis Howes]

Don't become martyrs. That's going to make your relationships suffer for sure. The next one is they don't use their emotions as weapons.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Would you want to say an example of that one.

[Lewis Howes]

Not using your emotion as weapons.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yes.

[Lewis Howes]

I don't really feel like I have a lot of extreme emotions.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

No, you don't.

[Lewis Howes]

That I would use as a weapon. So I don't know if I understand this, but I have had previous relationships where, you know, the people I chose would use, like, the silent treatment emotion was like, not talking to me for days as, like, a weapon. It's like, I'm not going to speak to you, I'm not going to talk to you, or I'm going to explode on you if I think you did something wrong.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Would they tell you what you were?

[Lewis Howes]

Maybe, maybe not. But it's just more of like using as a weapon to try to get, I guess, me to come back and apologize or, like, do something differently. But really it was like trying to get me to change the person I am to make them feel safe. And then if I would change, they would keep doing it to change more and more until I've just become a shell of a person. So using either like a screaming or a sadness emotion or a silent treatment emotion to try to manipulate or weaponize relationship dynamics.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

It's a manipulation.

[Lewis Howes]

I think it's very. Yeah, it's very destructive. It's exhausting. It's confusing. It's emotionally scary. All these things. It doesn't make you feel like you have a safe nervous system. When the person you love and have committed to emotionally, sexually, spiritually, all these different things, if they're playing emotional games with you and if they're not just communicating consciously, hey, I've got an issue with this. Can we talk about it?

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

And I think that's what mentally strong couples don't do, is they don't weaponize their emotions. They communicate their emotions calmly or at least consciously. Maybe you're not going to be this perfect, like, ah, you hurt me and I'm going to be loving towards you right now. But you're going to say, listen, something's really bothering me and I want to speak to you about it. I don't want to get angry. I want us to have a calm conversation. But I'm really heightened emotion and I want to feel safe. Can you listen to me for a little bit? It's like learning how to approach emotional subjects without weaponizing your emotions.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I didn't have an experience in the past of, like, the silent treatment. That's going to be horrible.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah, it's not fun.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

It's not. And these are things that highly narcissistic people use. And in my mind, I think they're using them to tame you. Like if you're training a dog or something, it's horrible. But however, I did experience this type of thing. I'm sharing something and the person say, don't bring this up because it makes me angry. And you know it does. And then, you know, and then you end up not discussing that thing that you really wanted to bring up.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

And so then there's. They're weaponizing the emotion. This thing makes me angry. If you bring it up ever. I'm just. Whatever.

[Lewis Howes]

Sure.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

So then there in. Little by little, you start quieting your voice.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Like it really starts happening.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah. And in the previous episodes we did, we talked about, you know, conscious conflict resolution.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

Like learning how to resolve conflict and not saying, don't speak about this ever. Or this makes me angry. Every time you say this. There are probably, like, things that like, frustrate me or maybe I'm like, huh, I don't want to have this conversation right now. But if it's important to you, and if we either say, hey, can we set a time to talk about this? If this is not a good time, can we schedule a time today, tomorrow to talk about this? Something's on my heart or my mind, and I want to open up about it. And if we come to a place like, we've talked about this before, whenever there is something on our heart or mind, we try to always talk about the good in the other person first. Like, hey, there's something bothering me right now. But, gosh, I'm so grateful for you and how you show up for me and you're always this, this, this in a positive way. But there's something that's been on my heart and mind that I just want to speak about that's frustrating me. I think when we lead with acknowledging so much of the good, it doesn't have to be a thousand things, but acknowledging like, you showed up this week in a beautiful way, all here, here, here. But there's one thing that is, like, on my mind. I just want to talk about it. It's less threatening. You know what I mean? It's less like, otherwise you only bring up a problem or something that's on your heart and mind and you don't speak about the good. It makes the other person feel less valued for all the hard work they're putting in. Into the relationship to try to show you love, care, support, patience, presence, all those things. And I just think you succeed in relationship more when you acknowledge the person and express gratitude towards the person before you bring up some challenge you're facing.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yes.

[Lewis Howes]

I just think you're always going to do it. You're always going to feel more love instead of frustration and resentment. So they don't use their emotions as weapons. And the next thing I think is massive, which is they don't try to fix each other.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Ah, yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

And we, you know, we have married friends that, you know from the beginning of their relationship that, you know, the woman will say, you know, he was a project and I wanted to like, oh my goodness. Yeah, I wanted to help him and I wanted to fix him. There was, I saw issues in him that I wanted to like, help him overcome it. And I think that's coming from a good heart and a good intention. But you can't go into a relationship trying to fix or solve the other person's problems or pain. Maybe that bonds you in the beginning and allows you to develop some type of relationship where you're like saving the person and they really feel taken care of and you're taking care of them and this like bonding experience. But that's not healthy.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

No. Because then it starts becoming a fusion.

[Lewis Howes]

Oh, yeah.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

And then when it becomes a fusion, it goes from a bond to a fusion. Then what happens is you literally create a codependent relationship in which one person is dependent of the other one. In order for, you know, me to feel taken care of and helped and seen. You can fix me.

[Lewis Howes]

Yes.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Right. Like I need you. I literally need you to feel safe and seen. And then.

[Lewis Howes]

And the fixer.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

And then the fixer, that's the codependent person. It's like that's the person that in order for them to feel worthy, they need somebody that really needs them. So they kind of like blend each other perfectly in a bad way. Because. Because it creates a fusion that is not healthy.

[Lewis Howes]

Yes.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

And one, the dependent needs the codependent in order to create these things. And you, what really you are creating is a prison around the two of you.

[Lewis Howes]

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[Martha I. Guerrera]

And the other thing is, I remember back in the day in therapy because I was struggling with this same relationship we're talking about. I was like so confused about all these jumping different emotions, all this anger and all this that I wasn't experienced. But I was like the receiving side of it. And so then I was coming from a good place into saying, hey, read this book. Hey, listen to this podcast. Hey, why don't you do this? Hey, why don't you do that? And I remember my therapist said at the time, you don't realize what you're doing. It's coming from a good place because it comes from a really good heart. But you're putting yourself above this other person. This other person doesn't want you to be their coach. They don't want you to be their therapist. They want you to be their partner. Considering that this person had issues and she said, listen, we're going to discuss these other issues that are narcissistic, but, like, in reality, this is a lesson for you to learn that it's not your job to fix him. It's not your job. What are you doing? You are not only going to end up resenting all the time and all the effort that you're putting, but also he's going to end up resenting you because you're putting yourself above him. Meaning I know better. I have the knowledge, I have the books, I have the podcast. You learn from me. And I had never seen it that way because I always thought, I'm coming from this place of being helpful.

[Lewis Howes]

But just like, yeah, and it's like, if you're trying to fix someone, you don't accept them for who they are.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

And if you don't accept them, you shouldn't be with them. I don't think you should. It's either accept the person you're choosing to be with. Like, get to know the person before you fuse with them, sexually, emotionally, psychologically. Don't fuse or bond with someone before you get to know them. Once you get to know them and you see if their words and their behaviors are in alignment, match, if they match actions and words, then you have to ask yourself, can I fully accept this person's personality? All of them stuff when they're stressed and overwhelmed. Have we traveled? Have we been around friends and family? Like, can I accept their personality if I can't, I shouldn't try to fix them. And I shouldn't be with them if I can't accept them. And that's hard for people because you might feel loving emotions towards someone. You might feel chemical emotions. You might feel like, I love being around this person and make me feel alive. But if you can't accept them, why are you with them? Why are you choosing to be with them? And if so, it's either accept them and be with them, but if you're trying to be with someone and you want to fix them all the time, it's just a recipe for frustration.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

They are going to resent you for trying to fix them, and you're going.

[Lewis Howes]

To resent them for not changing for.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah, I'm putting all this effort and you're not changing and they're not.

[Lewis Howes]

They're not living up to the changes you want to see in them. They never will yeah. So maybe if they do.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

On their own love with them, you fell in love with the projection, the.

[Lewis Howes]

Potential of what they could be in your mind. A fantasy of a person that's not real. And they probably will never get to that fantasy unless they break up with you. And two years later, they realize, oh, I want to transform for me also.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Unless they evolve in the relationship. Because, for example. Yes, my parents met when my mom was. They got married. She was 19 and he was 20. Can you imagine how much they.

[Lewis Howes]

But they both had a growth mindset.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah, they did.

[Lewis Howes]

They both had a willingness to want to grow on their own, not for the other person. Maybe they wanted to become better for their family, but it was like a desire that I want to become a better man. You want to become a better woman. We just want to be better in life. And that other part, the partner benefits from that growth mindset. But if you're going.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I also went through things. I'm just saying, like, in general, the stories that my parents.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah, they were 19.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Literally, they were children.

[Lewis Howes]

Exactly.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

But at the same time, they had the love. This is the thing my mom says, although I got married when I was 19, I asked your dad the hard questions early on. Early on.

[Lewis Howes]

And I'm not saying you shouldn't encourage your partner to, like. You encouraged me to take supplements. You encourage me to do healthy things. When I'm like, at midnight, I'm like, I want to order some Pinkberry right now. You're like, you sure you want that right now?

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

That's what you don't tell me. Don't do it. You say, you sure you want this? You really want this?

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

And sometimes I'm like, yeah. And other times I'm like, actually, I don't want it.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

So there's encouragement, and then there's trying to fix and control. And I think when you can be open about that and say, hey, in this relationship, I want to be my best. I want to be willing to grow constantly. It doesn't mean I'm going to do what you want me to do all the time. And I want you to be your best, and I'm going to encourage you to grow as well. And I think that's the spirit of growth, is where it becomes more beautiful, I think, than if you just say, I wish he. Or I wish she understood this and was better. Don't get in a relationship unless, you know, like, hey, people are complicated. They're complex. They're good. Evolve in their own timeline.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

They are going to evolve.

[Lewis Howes]

And if you can't accept that, don't get intimate. Just be friends. Because you're going to have these high expectations that you'll never meet or be.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Okay, that you're going to suffer for.

[Lewis Howes]

A while or just be okay.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Sometimes.

[Lewis Howes]

This is who they are. This is the person you've chosen.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

My dad used to say this about my mom when she. She. She has a very explosive personality in my dad also. Both of them.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

And so sometimes my mom would go into all these explosions, and I was young, and I would tell my dad, dad, but why is it that she's behaving this way? Right. And my dad said to me, what's going on right now is that you want to change your mom. You want to change your mom, but you're not accepting your mom. Yes, I know your mom. This is the woman I married. She behaves this way. And all I think about at that moment when she explodes this way is that she's being a little girl. And then inside of me, I feel a lot of compassion for the little girl that I know she grew up with basically both of her parents not being with her.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

And so this is how I think. My dad has never gone to therapy, but he was already. He already figured out that his compassion, compassionate side of him was coming forward to see the little girl in my mom, although she was, you know, whatever, 40 at the time, whatever. He saw the little girl coming out and he knew how to step aside and watch it and be there for her.

[Lewis Howes]

Yes.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

But they figure it out. Like there's a moment, but. And then later in life, my mom started catching herself, and sometimes she doesn't, and sometimes she does, but he says, you're trying to change your mom. I'm walking with your mom in life.

[Lewis Howes]

Yes.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

This is where she is right now. So I think that's beautiful.

[Lewis Howes]

I want to share the. I'm going to go through the next few and just say them, and then we're going to go over the final two.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yes.

[Lewis Howes]

Because we're getting close to the end of our time. So I'm just going to list these out because there's a lot people could go through, but there's also the book they can get 13 things mentally strong Couples don't do, where they can go through all these different steps. And it's all about fixing what's broken, developing healthier patterns, and growing stronger together. So I'm just going to list these few. They don't try to communicate with disrespect.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

Again, I don't want to go into this right now, but whenever couples disrespect each other, it just creates resentment and so don't communicate with disrespect. And it might be challenging to do, but this is just a key foundation. We don't do this. And if we did, we probably wouldn't be together if we were just disrespecting you all the time. The eighth thing is they don't blame each other for the. For their problems. Again, big one, if you have a problem, you can't blame your partner for it. You've got to take ownership of your life and stop being a victim.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

You know what happens, love, is that when. And this I've learned, and I think it's also in the book, when, when you have a problem, even if it's a tiny one. Right. Let's say you're driving and you're late because there's a lot of traffic. Right. And when you're in that problem, you're going to blame traffic. So there. It's easier to blame someone else than to say, oh, I should have left 20 minutes ago. Right. But when you have your partner with you and you're stuck in traffic and you are late, it's easier to blame your partner and say, you should have been earlier, you took forever to find your purse, whatever it was. It's easier because the. I don't know, how do you say this in English, but the amygdala, like this part of your brain. Yes. That goes into fight or fight, legal flight or fight mode. It's. It's so quick to find the next thing next to you to blame it on. So sometimes it also could be in a bigger way if you're going through a hard time in your life for something that if you. Let's say you're frustrated with your, with job, with your work, let's say this doesn't happen. But like, let's say you're frustrated with your work or with a specific person about your work. And if I was to come close to you at that moment and I'm not careful, let's say the scenario hasn't happened, but it would be easier for you to relate that whatever the frustration you're feeling at that moment has to do with me just because I'm close to you, you know what I'm saying? But it's because the brain does this chemistry thing.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah, exactly. Don't blame each other for your own problems. The next one really quickly is they don't forget why they fell in love. I think Always remembering why you fell in love with the person in front of you. And if you fall. If you remember that I fell in love because they were attractive or something, just like a sexual chemistry thing that's going to be challenging in the future. You need to say, I fall in love with the full person in front of me and accepting the personality of the person, otherwise you're going to be frustrated constantly.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

So don't forget sometimes that that thing can be. You know, people fall in love with the adventurous personality of somebody and then later they are resentful because that adventurous personality is traveling all the time and they want to try the next thing. And you're like, well, but that is the first reason you fell in love with this person.

[Lewis Howes]

I know. The next thing is they don't expect the relationship to meet all their needs. And this is something that so many people do. And Esther Perel talks about this beautifully, that he's. You know, people get into marriage or relationship and thinking that they're supposed to be your lover, your business partner, your best friend, your therapist, your coach, you.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Know, aren't you all those things for me? You're not, you know, no, but it's.

[Lewis Howes]

Like when you expect it. And something we've done really well is, you know, you do this beautifully because you have so many girlfriends in your life. You have your mom, you have your family that you talk with, you have activities outside of me that are just yours. You have your career, you have your own projects, movies, you're writing. All these things you do amazingly that you don't need me to fill you up. You have me to add love and richness and, and share with, and share experiences with and have connection and intimacy and all these things. But you're not expecting me to give you everything in your life at all times. You're not waiting by the doorstep or waiting by the phone to get a phone call from me, a text from me to fill you up throughout the day. You have your life, I have my life. We share our lives together. And I think that allows for more harmony to ensue in the relationship because you don't expect me and I don't expect you to fill all of our needs.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

You know, this is where I said that romanticism really hurts our lives in. In life, you know, what we see in TV shows, what we see in movies, what we hear in songs, all this romantic idea that your partner is going to be your best friend, but also your lover. Lover, but also your psychologist, but also your confidant, but also, you know, your bank, your bank. But all these different things, like, what are we doing? Can you imagine? It's exhausting thing to think about. And yet this is the picture we're being sold about love. This is what, like, literally they hammer you on with this. Like, this is what love's supposed to be. That person's supposed to be there for you. And all these different aspects, in my opinion. There's things, for example, that I can be struggling with, that I can share with you. I always share everything with you. But I mean, wouldn't it be nice sometimes to have a little bit of a filter and say, you know what? This thing is just an emotion. It's going to come and it's going to go, why would I even bring it up? Or if this thing is something that just, I don't know, has to do with my period and has to do with hormones.

[Lewis Howes]

You don't need to bring everything to me.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

No. I have friends, girlfriends that I go, has it ever happened to you that this thing. And we vent with each other? Yes. This thing that.

[Lewis Howes]

And you let it go, and then.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I let it go, and then by the time I see you, I don't even have it in my mind.

[Lewis Howes]

Exactly.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

It's not that I want to. Don't want to bring it up. I just don't have it anymore.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

You know, so it's. It's balancing all these things.

[Lewis Howes]

Don't expect relationships to meet all your needs. And we go through the last two, really last three really quickly. They don't neglect their partnership, meaning they're willing to keep investing in it. They don't take each other for granted, which is a big one. Something we do every night is we talk about what we're grateful for from the day and what we're grateful for of each other. And it's like, it doesn't have to be all day long. What I appreciate about you, but I think little things once a day, a little moment of just saying, here's what I appreciate about you. It just shows you're not taking each other for granted. And it doesn't mean if maybe words of affirmation is not your strategy for love. And it could just be, I'm going to do service, I'm going to do other things to show I'm not taking for granted, but finding what works for you.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I want to ask you something because I think this is important. What makes a man feel appreciated?

[Lewis Howes]

I mean, it's probably different for every man, but for me, I like. I like hearing. Thank you. I like hearing thank you for what you do, you know, as a provider, someone that's going to go out and want to provide and want to lead, protect, provide, and serve. All I want, and I think all a lot of men want is thank you for doing what you do.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

How important is appreciation for a man?

[Lewis Howes]

I think it's very important, but I think it's. It's important for me. And I think if you didn't just say thank you, it doesn't need to be like, you're the most amazing man, like, every day, but just thank you. That's all it is. Thank you for doing this. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for providing for us. Thank you for taking care of this. I will freaking do anything, you know, I will go above and beyond with just a little thank you and a little appreciation. It's why you do it. You do it so well.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

You do it so well.

[Lewis Howes]

And I think it's. It just makes me want to go create more and, and serve more and show up for you more because you give a little and I'm gonna give a lot. You give more, I'm gonna keep giving more, you know, so it's just. It makes you feel seen, accepted for. For the work you're doing when no one's watching, you know, And I think that's what. That's what I appreciate, and it's what I think a lot of men appreciate.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

So I think it goes both ways, too. I think it's important for women to feel appreciated for all the things that, that we do that sometimes men can take for granted.

[Lewis Howes]

Yes.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

You know, even little things that we think about. Oh, he doesn't have any socks. I'm going to get him some.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Oh, I heard him talking about this vitamin thing. I'm going to research and buy it more, you know, all these things. And let's imagine a situation. This doesn't happen to us, but I've heard about it, like all these Amazon boxes. What is this thing that you, you know and then you don't. You may not know. You open these boxes and some of them are things that you didn't know you needed.

[Lewis Howes]

Exactly.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Right. And so I, I think it's a. It's a good recipe to start healthy or bring back health into the relationship, to be appreciative with each other, because it is a fuel that charges you as a couple and as a person. That's it for me. Like when you say, oh, I appreciate you did this, you know what it makes me do? It makes me want to do More often.

[Lewis Howes]

Exactly. And when you appreciate something, it appreciates in value.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Yes.

[Lewis Howes]

So pour appreciation into your partner as frequently as you can. And the final one is they don't stop growing. And again, this is 13 things mentally strong couples don't do. Make sure you guys get a copy of this book.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

So good.

[Lewis Howes]

We went through it when we were just dating and it allowed us to create dynamics, exercises and reflections based on learning about what couples do do well and what couples don't do well. We just scratched the surface on this, but I would love for you to share which one of the 13 things in the comments below resonated with you the most? Maybe something that you don't do yet that you need to do better, or one that you do that really helps you in your relationship. So share that below. Leave us a comment, let us know what you think. Make sure to follow Martha on her YouTube channel and all of her social media. We'll have that linked in the description below. We had a couple previous episodes that we did about our marriage journey. If you want to learn more about that, go watch or listen to that.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

You know what's cool. And we can do this too if you want to, but if people leave questions.

[Lewis Howes]

Yes.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Sometimes people are going through something and say, hey, you know, what does Lewis think about this? Or what Amartha think? Like, what do we, how do we do? That's really cool. Like one day bringing these questions.

[Lewis Howes]

Absolutely. Share any questions you have. Yeah, share them below in the comments.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Also because we're learning with them.

[Lewis Howes]

We are. We don't, we don't have all the answers. No, we're. We're three months in marriage, but I feel like we've done stuff that works for us and we're not expecting people to read 20 books and go to every workshop. But I think if you can learn a little bit from here and take it a little deeper, it's going to support you in your relationship. Whether you're in one now or you want to be one in the future. Always be growing. That's the last one of the 13 things. So you do that. We do that. I love you. You're amazing.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

I love you too.

[Lewis Howes]

And I hope you guys enjoy this episode. I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy. And if you are looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you want to make it easier, you want to make it flow, you want to feel abundant, then make sure to go to make moneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy. I really think this is going to help you transform your relationship with money this moment. Moving forward. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links and if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness+channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you of no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great. Comcast Business helps retailers become seamlessly restocking frictionless paying favorite shopping destinations. It's how nationwide restaurants become touchscreen ordering quick serving eateries and how hospitals become the patient scanning data managing healthcare facilities that we all depend on. With leading networking and connectivity, advanced cybersecurity and expert partnership, Comcast Business is powering the engine of modern business powering possibilities. Restrictions apply.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

On WhatsApp.

[Lewis Howes]

No one can see or hear your personal messages. Whether it's a voice call message or.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Sending a password to WhatsApp, it's all just this.

[Lewis Howes]

So whether you're sharing the streaming password in the family chat or trading those.

[Martha I. Guerrera]

Late night voice messages that could basically.

[Lewis Howes]

Become a podcast, your personal messages stay between you, your friends and your family. No one else, not even us. WhatsApp message privately.