Podcast Summary: "9 Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Relationships Forever | Jillian Turecki"
Podcast Information:
- Title: The School of Greatness
- Host/Author: Lewis Howes
- Guest: Jillian Turecki, Relationship Coach and Author of "It Begins with You"
- Release Date: January 13, 2025
Introduction
In this profound episode of The School of Greatness, Lewis Howes sits down with renowned relationship coach and author Jillian Turecki. The discussion centers around the intricate dynamics of love and relationships, unveiling nine hard truths that promise to transform listeners' approaches to their romantic lives. Drawing from both Jillian's professional expertise and personal experiences, the conversation offers deep insights into building healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Lewis's Personal Journey with Relationships
Lewis opens the episode by candidly sharing his two-decade-long struggle with maintaining long-term relationships. He recounts being in five to six long-term relationships from his late teens to his late 30s, highlighting the emotional pain and harsh lessons learned along the way. Lewis emphasizes the pivotal realization that attracting harmonious love begins with personal transformation rather than seeking the right partner first.
Lewis Howes [01:00]: "It was really about me becoming the person I needed to be in order to create healthy boundaries, in order to speak my truth, in order to feel safe."
Understanding Self-Worth in Relationships
Jillian Turecki delves into the importance of self-awareness and self-worth in fostering healthy relationships. She explains that many individuals enter relationships without a strong sense of self, leading to dependency on partners for happiness and fulfillment.
Jillian Turecki [09:00]: "One of the most valuable things that we can bring to a relationship is a sense of self... You are still intrinsically worthy of being loved."
She underscores that to create a successful relationship, both partners must have a solid understanding of who they are and what they bring into the relationship.
Differentiating Love from Lust
A key segment of the conversation focuses on distinguishing between love and lust. Jillian articulates that while both emotions can be intense, they serve different purposes and have different implications for a relationship's longevity.
Jillian Turecki [20:00]: "Love to me is not just a feeling, it's a choice. It's a habit. It's an intentional practice."
She contrasts this with lust, describing it as a powerful but fleeting emotion driven by chemistry and novelty. Jillian warns against confusing the two, as lust alone cannot sustain a meaningful, long-term relationship.
Jillian Turecki [20:08]: "Feeling is not love. That is lust."
The Importance of Speaking Truth
Honest communication is highlighted as a cornerstone of healthy relationships. Jillian emphasizes the critical role of speaking one's truth, even when it's uncomfortable or risky.
Jillian Turecki [25:00]: "Speaking truth in relationships, even when it feels uncomfortable and risky, is essential for building trust and preventing breakdowns."
Lewis shares his own challenges with being authentic, admitting that his tendency to avoid difficult conversations led to repeated relationship failures. Jillian advises that open and honest dialogue is necessary to build strong, resilient connections.
Making Peace with Parents
One of the nine hard truths Jillian discusses is the necessity of making peace with one's parents to cultivate healthy romantic relationships. She explains how unresolved issues from childhood can manifest in adult relationships, often leading individuals to seek partners who mirror unhealthy parental dynamics.
Jillian Turecki [49:10]: "Our relationships with our parents in childhood show up in our adulthood. Choosing to make peace with these relationships is vital for fostering healthy connections with others."
Jillian clarifies that making peace doesn't necessarily mean forgiveness, especially in cases of abuse. Instead, it's about reconciling one's past to prevent it from negatively impacting present and future relationships.
Lessons Learned and Key Takeaways
Throughout the episode, several actionable strategies emerge for listeners seeking to improve their relationship dynamics:
- Develop Self-Awareness: Understanding one's own needs, boundaries, and sense of self-worth is crucial.
- Differentiate Love from Lust: Recognize the differences to make informed relationship choices.
- Communicate Honestly: Open, honest dialogue prevents misunderstandings and builds trust.
- Set Boundaries: Establishing healthy boundaries protects emotional well-being.
- Heal Past Wounds: Addressing unresolved issues from childhood aids in forming healthier relationships.
Jillian also stresses the importance of accepting rejection as a natural part of life and not tying one's self-worth to another person's acceptance.
Final Thoughts and Definitions
In the concluding segments, Jillian offers a succinct definition of love, encapsulating its transformative power:
Jillian Turecki [64:58]: "It is something that when you give it makes you a better person and when you receive it, it makes you stronger."
Lewis and Jillian agree that love, when approached with honesty and intention, can lead to profound personal growth and deeper connections.
Notable Quotes
- Lewis Howes [01:00]: "It was really about me becoming the person I needed to be in order to create healthy boundaries, in order to speak my truth, in order to feel safe."
- Jillian Turecki [09:00]: "One of the most valuable things that we can bring to a relationship is a sense of self... You are still intrinsically worthy of being loved."
- Jillian Turecki [20:00]: "Love to me is not just a feeling, it's a choice. It's a habit. It's an intentional practice."
- Jillian Turecki [20:08]: "Feeling is not love. That is lust."
- Jillian Turecki [25:00]: "Speaking truth in relationships, even when it feels uncomfortable and risky, is essential for building trust and preventing breakdowns."
- Jillian Turecki [49:10]: "Our relationships with our parents in childhood show up in our adulthood. Choosing to make peace with these relationships is vital for fostering healthy connections with others."
- Jillian Turecki [64:58]: "It is something that when you give it makes you a better person and when you receive it, it makes you stronger."
Conclusion
This episode of The School of Greatness offers a comprehensive exploration of the essential truths necessary for building and maintaining healthy, fulfilling relationships. Jillian Turecki's expertise, combined with her personal narratives, provides listeners with valuable tools and insights to navigate the complexities of love, self-worth, and emotional honesty. By embracing these nine hard truths, individuals can foster deeper connections and achieve greater personal fulfillment in their romantic lives.
Support Jillian Turecki and Her Work:
- Website: jillianturecki.com/book
- Social Media: Follow Jillian on her social platforms for more insights and resources.
Recommended Reading:
- "It Begins with You" by Jillian Turecki – A guide to transforming your relationships through self-awareness and personal growth.
Additional Resources:
- Lewis Howes's Book: Make Money Easy, Create Financial Freedom and Live a Richer Life – Focuses on transforming your relationship with money.
Remember: Embracing honesty, fostering self-worth, and differentiating between love and lust are foundational steps toward creating the fulfilling relationships you deserve. Take these lessons to heart and embark on your journey towards greater relationship harmony and personal greatness.