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The School of Greatness
Why You Keep Attracting the Wrong Relationship | Jim Curtis
01:18:52
This conversation with Jim Curtis will transform how you talk to yourself and finally break the pattern of believing you are not enough. You will discover how two words can reprogram your subconscious mind and attract the relationships, health, and peace you have been chasing for years.
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A
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Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.
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Zoe. This thing weighs a ton. Drewski, lift with your legs man.
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Santa.
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Santa, did you get my letter? He's talking to you, Bridges. I'm not.
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Of course he did.
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Right Santa, you know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list. And elf. I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies.
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We are programmed by the instances that happen in our life. In my case, I had a father that was abusive when he would explode, I thought it was my fault. And then we just protected against that as we grew. So it became the problem program, and we have to unravel that program. Author, speaker, hypnotist, transformational coach, and a.
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Wellness pioneer, Jim's mission has been to change the health and wellness of the world.
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B
I am sitting here with Jim Curtis, y'. All. Our identity is our reality. So the I am, I am smart, I am successful, I am grateful is much different than I am stuck. I'm not good at this. What you tell your subconscious mind is waiting for directions. The more that you say, I am you, the more your subconscious mind believes that that's your identity, and your identity creates your reality. We get caught in the cage. We get caught in the illusion that this is all real. The reality is that our identity is creating our reality and our programs and beliefs are creating our reality so that we get caught in the movie. The truth is that we're the director and we can say, okay, I'm going to change this movie and then take massive action to do it so that it shifts the timeline, it shifts the energy.
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A
Why do you think people struggle so much with accepting themselves about who they are, where they're at in their life? Because I like, that's one of the biggest things that holds them back from having peace and harmony in relationships.
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B
Yeah, I think that.
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A
Welcome back, everyone, to the school of greatness. Very excited about our guest. We have the inspiring Jim Curtis in the house. Good to see you, man.
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B
Good to be back.
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A
Welcome back.
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B
Yeah.
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The last episode we did helped a lot of people.
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B
I'm happy to hear that.
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And today I want us to inspire the world to help them overcome their biggest challenges and fears, unlock their hearts, so they can have total freedom, total peace and healing in their life, so they can truly attract what they want instead of living in fear.
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B
Yes.
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A
And there's something that you talk about that I love, which is called energetic posture. And I'm curious if we can start with this. How do you think our emotional state signals to the universe? What comes to us based on our energetic posture? How much does that energy impact what comes to us? That is what we want or what we don't want?
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B
100%. We are in the flow of energy, whether it's good or bad. Right. Whether we feel it's good or bad. Because the only ones that we're judging the energy, the only ones that we're judging our state is us. We're the only ones who label good and bad. Right. So what if there was just energy. And so the energy of what you want and the energy of what you want less of. And so if we're in an emotional state, an emotionally energetic state of fear, of lack, of disempowerment, of woe is me, of victimhood, of illness, then we're going to stay within that river. Just think of it as a river. I met with a man the other day who's calling it. Our quantum energy timelines, they're all running at the same time. And we can shift timelines at any point by shifting our emotions and then shifting the energy that's within us and actually moving into a different energy that has a higher vibrational state that may give more of what we want. Again, nothing's good or bad. It's just what do you want more or less of?
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A
What are the energies that keep us in a lower frequency or a lower energetic state? What is the thoughts or the actions that we have that keeps in a lower energetic state? And what are the thoughts that keep us in a higher energetic state?
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B
There are core thoughts that keep us in a lower energetic state. The one is jealousy. Really seeing and comparing yourself to the world out there, and it's difficult with social media because you can start comparing yourself to the most extraordinary is there is unlimited comparison when you can go on social media in this world now that you can see everything. So one is jealousy in comparison, that will keep you low. The other is fear. We're literally in fear of everything. Fear. We're not good enough, not lovable enough, that we can't do it, that they're going to see us, they're going to laugh at us. The more that we give into our own fears and fear is there to protect us. Our body creates this illusion that there is this looming issue. And then we live in that illusion with fear so that it doesn't happen. And the third one that we really need to avoid is this idea of victimhood, that we have no power, that we have no. That we. That we have no agency, that the world is happening to us.
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A
Yes. I mean, you grew up and you had a lot of chronic pain.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Physical pain, a misdiagnosis as well. And you dealt with a lot of probably insecurities or fear around feeling that much pain, I could assume, right?
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B
Yeah, I felt a lot of insecurities just about the way I was walking. I was an athlete. Sports and athletics, building my muscles and my body and being smooth meant a lot to me. And then when that was taken away, I had tons of fear and insecurity insecurity around and fear around. You know, what do I look like? How are people perceiving me? Do I look weak? Do I look broken? Do I look ugly? And then the fear of one, will I be judged for that? Am I actually good enough? Did I deserve this and will it get worse?
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When did this happen with the.
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I was 19 years old when this started and then it really kind of blew up and hit, hit its maximum peak of pain around 25.
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A
Really. So how, how long did you live in a state of insecurity or fear or worried about what people thought about you? How long were you living like that with that energy?
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The funny thing is it was 20 years. But I didn't know it. Right. I didn't realize that the underlying subconscious emotional belief was, oh, this, this is not good enough. And almost you deserve this because you're bad in some way.
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Really.
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And so I lived with it for 20 years without knowing that that was the core driver to why I was kind of in this stuck place. Always doing well, successfully in my career, helping people, doing things that meant a lot to me, but ignoring my physical body, ignoring my emotional body and ignoring my spiritual body. And that translated in difficult relationships. It translated into being overweight and weak and in pain. It translated to being alone and lonely. And so when I uncovered that like, oh, this is a program running in my subconscious that says I deserve this, I'm bad, or I'm not good enough, I could start to change it. Wow.
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A
Why do you think? I mean, I feel like that is a common feeling for a lot of people. I felt this for a long time. That I'm bad and wrong or something's messed up with me or I'm not smart enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not attractive enough, I'm not intelligent enough. I had all these thoughts.
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B
Yeah.
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It wasn't even subconscious. It was like I was saying it to myself and to other people. I was like speaking it into existence.
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B
Yeah.
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And I was fighting with myself because I was driven to succeed. But nothing I accomplished was ever felt enough, enough. And then I needed to accomplish more and accomplish more, improve myself, prove my worthiness. But underneath I still didn't believe I was worthy.
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Right.
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And for, and that was for probably 20 years as well. And so we both had kind of this 20 year journey.
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Yeah.
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Of believing we weren't good enough. And I can bet you a lot of people watching or listening right now have an under underlying feeling of what I'm doing is still not good enough. How I look Is still not pretty enough. You know, I'm still struggling in my relationships or in these different areas. My health journey is still not good enough. I'm still not beautiful enough or fit enough.
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B
They're going to find out I'm bad in some way.
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Why do we have this underlying belief that we are bad and wrong and something is not okay with us? Why do you think most human beings have this?
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Well, listen, we come into this world, right? We have. Well, karmically, we may be carrying some energy, but if we're not talking about karma and we're not talking about past lives and we're not talking about what we bring to us, we come into this world a fairly blank slate. We're a new baby, a new soul, and we don't have any of this, right? So then 0 to 8 years old, we are programmed by the instances that happen in our life, the emotions, the big things that make us feel some way. In my case, I had a father that was abusive. And so I felt guilty when I got hit. I felt guilty when I was young, when he would explode. I thought it was my fault so that I was bad. So why would I believe in my adult life that anytime someone got mad or angry, it was like, did I upset you? If someone didn't return a phone call or a text or respond quickly enough, I'd be spiraling, thinking, what did I say to offend them? The truth is, it's not about you. 90% of the time, it's not about you, it's about them. They're dealing with their thoughts, their emotions, their issues. 10% of the time, maybe you did piss someone off. So that's one thing. But the other things are okay. There are times where you felt a lack in your life. Someone said something, someone made you feel something, or you felt something growing up that translated into, okay, I'm not good enough. I don't have enough. And then we just protected against that as we grew. So it became the program, and we have to unravel that program.
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A
So if someone has lived their life and they haven't felt enough for a long time, or they feel stuck, or they feel trapped in fear to really pursue what they want in a relationship or their dreams, what is the process from getting out of fear and getting unstuck so they can actually feel free to be their authentic selves?
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B
That's an amazing question. And the process starts with, okay, let's build some awareness that this is a program that's running right, that it's been installed, that it's a belief and this fear that I'm feeling and this belief that I have, you know, is the program. What's true is that I'm not the program. I'm the source. I'm the energy that's, that's dictating the program on the screen. And so I, if it's been programmed, I have an opportunity to reprogram it, to realize that, like, my true nature is enough. It's, I'm living, I'm alive. 1 in 10 trillion chance of being born into this Disneyland for the soul. Right. And so now I'm supposed to. The second part is like, oh, it's not right or wrong. It just is. You can't do it wrong. Perhaps you're put on this world, in this life to feel not enough so that you could learn something or release something. And now the second part is to take actions that prove to yourself that that lie is no longer true. And so that could be building your confidence by doing new things. That could be by just reparenting and learning and loving that inn child. And we do that through a lot of times, hypnosis or subconscious work. But I always love to say, when in doubt, focus out. Just start to do charitable work for other folks and you'll start to really feel a sense of worthiness and contribution and gratitude.
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Yeah, I think the easiest way to overcome yourself is to start helping others by focusing outward, not focusing on, why did this happen to me? Why am I struggling? Why am I broke? Why am I fat? Why am I ugly? Why am I stupid? Whatever it is that you're programming by thinking or saying about yourself, the fastest way to get out of that is to pour into others like you said, and to just be a generous human being. And if you can be grateful and generous every day, grateful for something about your life and generous to another person, you're going to have more happiness.
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B
That goes back to what you say. You'll step into that energy flow of abundance, more love, more wealth, more. All the things. There was a guy that, his name was Wyatt, he did an equestrian course in Arizona. And he used to say, you'll never be able to give it all away because the more that you give, the more that comes back, the more that you give, the more that comes back. And some people say, well, I give too much. Well, do you give from a place of lack? Someone is constantly asking, and you give from a place of lack. Yeah, you will have less. But when you give from a place of abundance and gratitude, when you recognize that, you know you're you're doing it from a place that is empowering, then the energy of contribution will come back to you.
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It will. And I really believe it's a mindset in that mindset dictates everything for people. The type of mindset that human beings have. You talk about this mindset of I am. Can you explain when we have this I am mindset, how it can either support our life or hurt our life and how we apply it? Yeah.
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B
There's two parts to the I am. The I am is an incredibly powerful thing. First, let's talk about the I am as identity. So our human identity, when we say I am, it becomes reality. Our identity is our reality. So the I am. I am smart, I am successful, I am grateful. I'm going to do this. I'm figuring it out is much different than I am stuck. I am gonna be laughed at. I'm not good at this. I'm incapable.
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Right.
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The shift what you tell your subconscious mind is waiting for directions. So the I am is the most powerful tool to use to direct who you are. The more that you say I am, the more your subconscious mind believes that that's your identity. And your identity creates your reality.
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Say this again. Your subconscious mind is waiting for directions. Is that right?
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100% it is. Your subconscious mind is the servant. Now, it has all the habits, our conscious mind has all the logic. And we think that our conscious mind is in control. Logically, of course, it has to be. But it represents 5% of everything we do. 95% is in the subconscious mind. Our reflexes, our habits, our autonomic nervous system, our beliefs. So it's waiting. That's why if you get hypnotized up on stage and you say, act like a chicken, and you act like a chicken, and like your subconscious mind just took the direction, the suggestion. So we need to consciously know that our subconscious mind is our servant and to tell it what to do. And we do that through our language and our identity.
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Yeah, because if someone else can hypnotize you to dance like a chicken on stage, I mean, you do it in front of 10,000 people and not feel fear. Why can't you hypnotize yourself to go pursue your dreams?
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Exactly.
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To chase what you want without feeling that fear as well.
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You can. You can, but we get caught in the cage. We get caught in the illusion that this is all real. The illusion is that everything's happening in our life is real. That's the illusion. The reality is that our identity is creating our reality. And Our programs and beliefs are creating our reality so that we get caught in the movie. The truth is that we're the director, we're the writer, that we can say, okay, I'm going to change this movie, I'm going to change the movie and then take massive action to do it so that it shifts the timeline, it shifts the energy. The second part of the I Am, maybe the most powerful one, is the I am that I am. The I am that I am from was. You don't have to be religious to understand this, but the I am that I am was the first time that God ever really named himself in the Bible. And then the I am discourses was thought that The Grand Master Saint Germain came to us and dictated these 33 discourses on the I am. And what it basically says is that I am the Source, I am the resurrection, the light. This is take, take religion out of it. What that means is that everything around us, everything that we are, all this matter, all the light, all the manifestation, all of our reality, all of our thoughts is this idea that we are the source, the creator, the void, the quantum, the univers mind, the collective consciousness experiencing its own human life through us. We are it. And so if we can understand that we are the creator and that we can shape what we want, and it starts in this human life, both human and spirit, that we can start to use this I am that we take for granted. We say that's so the greatest spell of the universe, we use so casually that we can take it and start using it. So focusing on the energy expanding into source and then using the words to direct the subconscious.
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A
How powerful are words that we use about ourself in life?
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So powerful. Our body is listening. Our body is listening to every word that we say. Every word that we say is creating our reality because it creates our identity. We believe it.
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A
When you were going through a season of time where you were doing well in your career and crushing it, succeeding financially and accomplishing, but maybe struggling in relationship or your health you mentioned wasn't as good, what were the words you were saying to yourself then versus the season of your life now where you feel a lot more peace, more healed, more healthy relationships with yourself and others, what are the words you're using now as a hypnosis directive for your life? What was it then? And now?
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Yeah, then I wasn't using words. I was caught up in thought.
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A
What were you thinking then?
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Yeah, yeah. And while I was caught up in that thought, what I realized now is that the root of Our suffering is starts and ends with our own thought. And so what I was thinking was, you know, I need. I know how to make money. I'll always make money. And I would say that to people is like, I don't care what happens, I'll always figure out a way to make money. It was. And that is like an incredibly abundant thing to say. Meanwhile, I would say, like, things like, I don't have time to go to the gym. I would say things like, physical therapists in New York City, they're. They're a scam. And isn't that interesting that all physical therapists in New York City are scammed? That's a lie that I told myself so that I could bypass working on.
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My body or stay in victimhood or stay in pain or whatever it might be, right?
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100%. Where someone else who had a different story would say, I'll find the best people to help me out of this mess. 100%. I'll find the best people because I know I can. And my body's important and I'm good enough for it, and my body's a temple and I'll find a way to fix this and I will go. And I did that too. But I always had this belief that something. And so now, as time went on, what I do is I consciously dictate to myself. I say I am, and I think of the thing that I am, whether it's I am love or even.
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I.
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Am good enough for the Lewis Howes podcast. Whatever it is, I think I expand into it and then I repeat to myself like that I. I love you. Please forgive me. Thank you.
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The School of Greatness is brought to you in partnership with Airbnb. The holidays are such a special time to travel and gather with loved ones. Think about some of your best trips. Those cozy spaces, thoughtful touches, and the feeling of being right at home wherever you are. Now imagine getting to provide that same experience for someone else. Because when you travel, your place is just sitting empty while you're away. Hosting on Airbnb can be a no brainer. And in a season where new experiences creating lasting memories, it's a unique way to help others make their own. And Martha and I both travel a lot, especially with her family in Mexico and mine all over the usa. So we know what it's like to be on the go during the holidays. And from our experience, hosting has always been easy and straightforward. And whether you're traveling often or just once in a while, it can be a simple way to earn a little extra While you're away, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much@airbnb.com host this episode is brought to you by Facebook. Finding the perfect Secret Santa gift can be stressful. You want it to feel personal and unexpected, but not random. That's where Facebook comes in. Facebook is all about turning small moments into real, meaningful connections. Just like giving the perfect gift, it brings people together in thoughtful ways, helping us show we truly see and appreciate the people around us, whether they're co workers, friends or family. And you can check someone's profile to see what they're into, explore marketplace for unique gifts, or join groups to swap creative ideas and inspiration. Facebook connects you with people who are into the same things as you and helps you find something that truly fits, making the perfect find feel more special and personal. And I've actually seen this firsthand with my own community. We have a Facebook group for everyone who's ever attended my Summit of Greatness event, and it's incredible to see how people stay connected long after the event is over. They share updates, support each other's goals, and celebrate wins big and small. And it's a reminder that when people stay connected, great things keep happening. Let's reconnect this holiday season. Explore more with Facebook Today. Right now, there's a talented person out there who could take your company to the next level. The question is, do you want to just hope they see your job post before your competitors, or do you want to match them with using Indeed Sponsored Jobs? When it comes to hiring, Indeed is all you need. Join the 3.3 million employers worldwide who trust Indeed to connect them with quality talent that truly fits their vision. With Sponsored Jobs, your post gets boosted to the right candidates so you can reach the exact people you want faster. Spend more time interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. Now with Indeed Sponsored Jobs and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help get your job the premium status it deserves at indeed.com greatness just go to indeed.com/greatness right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com greatness terms and conditions apply. Hiring do it the Right Way With.
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B
Indeed, the Honoponopono prayer is I'm sorry.
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A
It'S a Hawaiian prayer. Is that right?
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B
A Hawaiian prayer. This changed my life, this Hawaiian prayer.
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A
How's it go?
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B
I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. The first time I said this in repetition, I started to weep. There was some part of me, past, present or future, within this energy system that we live in that recognized it, heard it, and there was such a release. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. In fact, there was a study of a man that prayed over photographs of violent inmates of a prison. And the violent crime in that prison went down by 50% just from a.
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Remote person praying over them.
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Praying the honopono prayer and prayer over these pictures.
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A
Wow.
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B
Yeah.
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A
It's such a beautiful practice. I had a. Gosh, my teeth had gone. Have gone through a journey because I had.
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B
I know your dentist.
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A
You do? Alex? Yeah. No way. That's amazing.
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B
He brings you up every time I get clean.
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A
Oh, my gosh, he's been great. But When I was 16, I had eight teeth removed from my mouth. I had my four wisdom teeth and then four others because I was going to get braces.
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B
Yeah.
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A
And the stubborn kid that I was after I got them removed. I was like, you know what? Actually, I don't want braces because the football season's coming up and I have to wear a mouth guard and I don't want to like. And I just kept pushing it year after year, 20 years later.
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B
Yeah.
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A
My jaw and my teeth kind of like formed in just a really messed up way that I wasn't. My back teeth never touched because they grew in a way where just my front two teeth touched, but not my back teeth. So it was very hard for me to chew. I wasn't able to chew. I just swallowed my food.
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B
Yeah.
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Anyways, long story short, Alex, my dentist, had been trying to get me to do Invisalign and braces for years, and I was resisting him. I finally end up doing it. And it took a team of people from the orthodontist to. I had to get implants. Four different implants. They took my teeth out 20 years ago, but then they had to put fake teeth back in. With implants, it's extremely painful. And typically we experience a lot more pain the longer we put things off. We have to. We have to put experience that pain plus pay interest. Right. And I had one of these implants go in and for like a month, it wasn't healing. It was so much pain, like, in my. Right. And my wife Martha was like, have you forgiven yourself yet? And she said, I want you to go in the mirror. This was over the holidays. Go in the bathroom, look in the mirror at yourself, look yourself in the eyes and say, I'm sorry, I forgive you, and repeat it. And she said, do not come out of the bathroom until the pain goes away. And I you not, Jim, I'm in there for like 30 minutes looking myself in the eyes, doing this. I'm sorry, I forgive you. I love you. I'm sorry for putting you through this. I forgive myself for this. I love you. I kept repeating this, staring at my eyes. And I had been experiencing probably a 7 out of 10 pain shooting in like the side of my head, that I needed medication all day long just to kind of minimize it. And within 30 minutes, the pain vanished. 0, 0. And I was like, how is this even possible? I mean, I know how this is possible because I've done this many times in my past. But it's fascinating, the words, the intention we use towards ourself and how it can eliminate pain within moments where the pain was constant for a month.
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B
Right.
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A
And this prayer. I'm sorry, please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. Can heal your life. And it may sound crazy to you, but I'm telling you, look yourself in the eyes, in the mirror and try it until the pain goes away and I guarantee you'll start to feel better 100%. And it's a process that I think anyone can do at any moment of life as an action step.
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B
Yes.
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A
And maybe it doesn't work right away for you. Maybe you've got to do it over and over daily. But this simple prayer and many other techniques can support you in feeling emotionally free. Now we've got to take actions as well to back this. When you were going through a season of time for 20 years where you're crushing it financially, career, accomplishments. But physically, emotionally, relationally, you're up and down.
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B
Yeah.
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What are the actions you took differently outside of thought and words, using the I am that supported you at this season of your life to feel healthier, to feel more peaceful internally, to have beautiful relationships, to be in a healthy, beautiful, intimate relationship now versus stressful up and down ones.
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B
Right.
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A
What have you done differently now that you took action on?
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B
Now I'm. I am not judging myself as harshly. I, I looked at specifically how I was not loving myself. And what I cultivated a lot more of is, is self love. So it's so important as we talk about that prayer even. And you start to say that prayer to yourself and then you start to say it to all manifestations of you, which, by the way, your parents and other people are manifestations of you for all this energy. And so that's one. The second part is that's an astonishing story you told. And I Started to do the same thing with my body.
- [31:08]
A
Really?
- [31:09]
B
Instead of when my knee would flare up and I'd be like, oh, this damn knee again. Right. And my knee would be the size of, you know, a cantaloupe. And I'd be so angry that I couldn't walk well or my ankle hurt. And instead I would just start saying, you know, you're doing great. I love how hard you're working for me. I love you. I love you. And that started to really change things.
- [31:33]
A
Instead of being angry at your body for not being the way you. It once was or what you want it to be, you said, thank you, you're doing well. Thank you for working so hard. You started appreciating your body.
- [31:42]
B
Yes.
- [31:43]
A
Instead of beating yourself up.
- [31:44]
B
Exactly right. And then I started to imagine my child self go into a state of meditation or self hypnosis, reconnecting with my child self, the one that's programmed, the one that's really running the show within here. And just start saying, like, listen, we got this together. You got this together. You're good enough. You're lovely, you're beautiful. Like, listen, you're a good guy. Right. Realizing and allowing my child self to know that, like, okay, this illusion that you've done things wrong is not true. You're doing a lot of good. And then I had to go in and really, really forgive and move on from my parents forgiveness, stop blaming parents, stop actually thinking all the things that they said were true and just move on to the, like, a powerful adult male that I am. My parents had a really difficult relationship. And I could see that in my relationships, I was recreating my parents. Right. And then I would think of what my parents would say to me. And so when I finally buried my father's still alive. My mother has passed. But when I finally buried this old identity of my parents, I really was able to expand and grow.
- [33:05]
A
Really? Yeah. When was that? When did you feel like you kind of healed that relationship with your parents?
- [33:10]
B
Really? Four years ago.
- [33:11]
A
Really?
- [33:12]
B
Yeah. I had done work and work and work, and still these ideas would come up and like, I think about something about my father, and it really overcome me. In my last book, I wrote a lot about him. And it's like four years ago is finally. I was like, I'm gonna put this to bed. And I did. It took a lot of inner work. And people are saying, well, how did you do it? One. It's a decision.
- [33:35]
A
Yes.
- [33:35]
B
Your parents, your parents were. We start to look at our parents and we think about Them on a pedestal. But really the flawed couple, 20 or 30 year olds trying to have a baby. So flawed. Yeah. And so once I just put my parents like literally buried my parents in my mind, in my psyche and my energy forgave them and realized that I wasn't a victim to them, that I was more powerful and I could just love myself now. And then I started to say things like that, like you're good, you're loving, you're making an impact, those kind of things.
- [34:09]
A
Why do you think certain people attract relationships that are wrong for them?
- [34:14]
B
I believe that they attract relationships that are wrong for them because they're living out two things. One, they're living out what their parents relationship was or they're living out this idea of what their parents thought they needed. Or they're living out the third part, which is the trauma that they need to heal. So you have someone that is like inconsistent with you. Well, that's a trauma that you, that the universe is giving you this person so that you can heal that part of you that needs or that is going after breadcrumbs or feels that you deserve that.
- [34:52]
A
So sometimes we attract people based on the trauma we need to heal.
- [34:57]
B
Exactly right. We attract people based on the trauma we need to heal. And we mirror, we are mirrors everyone in our life as a mirror for ourselves. So what we're feeling, what we're projecting will show up in the other person so powerfully when we start to resolve things with ourself internally, then totally new people come up. When we say, I would never accept a person that gave me a text message, had sex with me and then didn't hear from them, then came back a week later. It was totally inconsistent with their love or put me down or cheated or whatever it was that people have trouble with. Some people would be like the first sign of that I'm gone. Other people are like, but they're so nice to me sometimes.
- [35:40]
A
Sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [35:42]
B
So once you start to realize your worth and that you're mirroring that the people in your life, right. And then you start to really realize how you can start to love yourself. And that will show up by resolving these issues, these traumas, then things change.
- [36:02]
A
I feel like, you know, we've both been through our own relationship roller coasters in the past. Different experiences and different relationships, but both struggled in relationships. And it wasn't until I started to heal, you know, in the last five years, five years ago, really start healing my intimacy wound. Then I was able, then pretty quickly I attracted Martha who's now my wife, where it feels completely different than every other relationship I've been in. Yeah, it feels healthier, it feels more conscious again, I don't think any relationship has no speed bumps or something, but it's, it feels peace and it feels like home. And I never felt home in any relationship before. And I feel safe emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and physically with Martha, with my wife. And when I started to shift and create boundaries in my life and stop people pleasing, that's when she showed up pretty quickly.
- [36:58]
B
Oh, that's a good one.
- [37:00]
A
And it was a very different feeling within the first moment of meeting her. I felt safe and I realized, oh, I'm not chemically attracted to this person. I'm more safety attracted to this person. And it was an attraction I never felt ever before because I was always chemically attracted based on a wound. And when I started to heal that wound, I felt, no, I don't need to create these chemical attraction. I want to create safety, attraction, safe to be fully who I am and know that I'm not going to get reacted to about who I am. Yeah, I felt like she could fully accept who I was, all my flaws. And that was a huge breakthrough for me. What was the breakthrough for you from the last four years of starting to heal. Yeah. To being able to track the relationship you're in now?
- [37:56]
B
One is accepting that the last relationship I had, that was a defining relationship for me. It wasn't bad at all. It was so difficult and heartbreaking and heart wrenching and all the things that you like got me. But it was the catalyst for what I am today, who I am, what I'm doing and who I'm with.
- [38:14]
A
What was the greatest lesson the previous challenging relationship taught you about yourself or love?
- [38:20]
B
Now what I thought I deserved was the biggest lesson.
- [38:23]
A
What did you think you deserved in relationship then?
- [38:26]
B
I thought that I needed to prove myself to Chase, that I needed someone that didn't quite accept me.
- [38:34]
A
Really?
- [38:35]
B
Yeah.
- [38:35]
A
Why did you think that?
- [38:36]
B
I, I, I think that we all start to think these things based on, you know, the last person I dated was like a perfect archetype for my father. Right. There was, there was all the feelings that came up from my childhood with my father. And then I would try to please and, and do all these things and then, and then like a child, I would misbehave myself. That shadow self would come out and I'd find myself jealous and angry and all those things. And it wasn't until I started to realize, oh, this is something that can be resolved and that I needed to go through it to realize that there is a new path, there's a different path. And that like you said, there are many different kinds of love. People say love, and it's just like, oh, love. There's this romantic chemical love, which is.
- [39:28]
A
Not sustainable in my mind.
- [39:30]
B
It's fun. It's like a good time. It's like a really fun drug, which is not sustainable. And then there is this loving. There's this platonic love that you have for your friends, this familial love that you have for this bond of family, whether this energetically, perhaps souls have traveled before. And then there's this kind of soul connection, this loving kindness that is greater what you are experiencing, and I believe I'm experiencing. And it is this kind of sense of acceptance and wholeness that is more peaceful. And some people say in relationship it shouldn't be this hard if they're struggling, Right? And it should be that relationship is meant to be hard so that you can learn something else. But when you're in a relationship that all of a sudden seems to flow and be easy, you're like, oh, this.
- [40:22]
A
Is, this is nice. This is what it's supposed to be.
- [40:24]
B
This is nice.
- [40:25]
A
I never experienced that until I was like 38. I never experienced peace in a relationship until, you know, four or five years ago.
- [40:33]
B
Yeah, same with me. Really? Yes, yes. And to the sense that like, even now in relationship, I'm sometimes like, expecting a little bit of controversy and then it doesn't struggle or a struggle or a little bit of criticism or a little bit of something and it doesn't show up. And I'm like, oh, that, that's, that's a beautiful thing. Like, I mean, I hear my father's voice or someone else's voice and it, and then it doesn't happen. And I'm like, oh, that's right, because I'm mirroring something else now.
- [41:04]
A
Yeah.
- [41:05]
B
And it's a beautiful thing.
- [41:09]
A
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- [44:10]
B
Yeah.
- [44:11]
A
We don't need to be friends. We don't need to be intimate. That's okay.
- [44:14]
B
That's 100. Okay. And it's accepting your very authentic self.
- [44:18]
A
Yes.
- [44:19]
B
Right. You don't have to. You can just be cool with who you are when you're authentic and you're accepting your authentic self.
- [44:26]
A
So why do you think people struggle so much today with accepting themselves about who they are, where they're at in their life? Because I feel like that's one of the biggest things that holds them back from having peace and harmony in relationships.
- [44:40]
B
Yeah. I think that's a difficult thing to actually break into the awareness of. We're all caught in the movie, like I said. Now you have to break into the awareness and say, oh, I'm not accepting myself. And now how do I start accepting myself? And that is so obscure. Like, how do I actually start accepting myself? And it's a little bit of work. We have to go within and start to reparent and reprogram. And I think that we're all not accepting ourselves because that's the human condition. We're supposed to be doing this right. I say something a lot, and it's, you're not doing it wrong. You're not doing it wrong. What if you were supposed to have all these issues so that you could grow and learn? You can't do it wrong. You know, you're doing it exactly right. And so when we start to say, okay, what if I'm doing it right? We can take the pressure off this. And now I can go in and look at this objectively and say, by building awareness, I can recognize that these things are no longer working for me. I can tell because here are the results in my life. If you want to really know what your beliefs are, just look at what you have.
- [45:41]
A
Sure.
- [45:41]
B
And now how do I go in and start to reprogram? Now that I have awareness, how do I go in and start to change that internal dialogue, that subconscious mind, so that I can become something bigger? And that's where practices like the Honoponopono prayer or the. The I am that I am, or using hypno coaching or hypnosis or whatever it is.
- [46:03]
A
Where did you grow up?
- [46:04]
B
Originally in Boston.
- [46:06]
A
Boston? Yeah, in the city.
- [46:08]
B
I went to school in Dorchester And I grew up in a town called.
- [46:10]
A
Brockton, this kind of smaller town outside of Boston or near Boston.
- [46:13]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [46:15]
A
We both grew up, you know, kind of average dudes. Right. You know, average dudes. I'm from a small town in Ohio about an hour from Columbus. Normal lives. Average dudes who were driven to accomplish and succeed. Yeah, right. But both of us ended up being with, you know, beautiful actresses that are very successful and have a certain level of attraction. Let's say I had to go through my own healing journey to be able to be in a relationship with someone like that. How do you feel like you have set yourself up emotionally to be in a relationship that you're in with Jen when they have a different lifestyle than the way you grew up? And I can share my experience too. But I'm curious.
- [47:00]
B
Yeah.
- [47:00]
A
What you're comfortable sharing with this.
- [47:03]
B
Yeah, I think that is a. That's an interesting question. Because I'm no longer the person that. That identity of that kid in Brockton no longer exists for me. I believe that we can shed identities.
- [47:16]
A
Yes.
- [47:17]
B
Yeah. And sometimes you can notice this. I just had a big. I just had a 50th birthday and I had people from every decade of my life at this birthday.
- [47:27]
A
Really? What was that like?
- [47:28]
B
It was pretty amazing.
- [47:30]
A
That's cool.
- [47:31]
B
So, and there was a big mix in there. I had my, you know, friends from college who like, you know, were still punching me in the arm as they were walking by me in this room.
- [47:41]
A
Living that old identity. Right.
- [47:43]
B
In a beautiful way. And then I had like, like these new friends that I have that, that are very well known and they. Everybody got along really well. But what I noticed is that in each of my phases and seasons of my life, I have grown and allowed my identity to shift in a really authentic way. And so by the time that I actually met Jen, there was not this sense of here is this well known celebrity. It was more of, oh, this is a human that I'm connecting with. This is a human that I'm connecting with. And it feels good and I don't have to. Then it feels really natural and calm and flows. Not to mention she's incredibly down to earth and she just a very wonderful person in that way. But there wasn't this idea of I'm a small town boy and this is.
- [48:43]
A
Some big celebrity star. Yeah, yeah. She was like, I'm just connecting with a human being, a soul.
- [48:48]
B
Exactly right.
- [48:48]
A
Who's on their own journey.
- [48:50]
B
Exactly right. And she makes that very easy.
- [48:53]
A
I just feel like so many People struggle in finding that type of connection or that type of love or relationship that feels peaceful and harmonious and safe. And I'm grateful that you and I have found that and created. It's really creating it, I think. It's not like it just found it. It's like we were very intentional about who we were going to be. And then we. Once we found or attracted someone who was on a similar frequency, then we just said, hey, let's move forward with this. Right. It felt more calm, relaxed, effortless. It didn't feel like a chase or not enoughness. It felt like, here's a great alignment and let's just take the next step. Right? Yeah. And just. Man, for so long, I struggled in doing that. And I see so many people struggling in finding partners that make them feel safe. And the scarier thing, you and I both did this. I see so many people talking about how hard it is to get out of relationships that they know are not right for them and they've known for years that are not right for them. So if someone watching or listening is in a relationship right now that they feel like something is off, they felt like for months or years something is not right, how can they get the courage to have the right conversations to see if they should stay together or move on or if they should. How do they get the courage to actually move on from a relationship they've been stuck in for years? And we both went through this.
- [50:18]
B
Yeah.
- [50:19]
A
We both lacked the courage when we knew probably this isn't the right thing for us right now. How do you think people can do that?
- [50:26]
B
Yeah. What I. What I love about that question is that, you know, people need to start to. And feel the pain a little bit more. Because when you're in this, right, you. You feel as though, one, you start to numb it out. You rationalize, you accept it. This is just the way it is. You feed into those fears of, like, oh, it's a lot of work to break up, and then how would we split the house? And all those things. And so I want you to feel the pain a little bit more. So if you're feeling this now, imagine if you amplified it, and one year later it's even worse. And now five years later, it's even worse. In 10 years later, you're stuck in the same predicament, but it's even worse. And now think about your own death. You've died and you're unfulfilled. Now, are you going to allow that to happen? Do you deserve more? Because that's what you're going to wake up one day and that's what's going to happen. And so when I work with clients, when I work with people, I get them to visualize the worst case scenario because it's often true. And so now I say, or now I help guide people in a sense, like, okay, so now think about this solution. Now think about the issue is over. How does it feel?
- [51:44]
A
You feel free, right? Yeah.
- [51:46]
B
And people light up and they say, I feel good, I feel free. I say, okay, so you have the choice between the two. And you can feel both, you can create both, you can do both. And so which one do you want? Well, I want to feel free. Okay, so what are the next action steps to be able to do that? Well, I need to talk to him. I need to talk to her. Okay, so what's preventing you? Well, I'm afraid to do it. I was like, you're afraid to do it more than you're afraid to live another 10 years in misery or in stuckness or in pain amplified? No. Okay, so now you go do it. Because you can either do two things. You can have a resolution or you can make it better.
- [52:20]
A
Yeah, that's the thing. It's either go all in, have the courage to talk about making it better.
- [52:24]
B
Yeah.
- [52:24]
A
Or move on. It's like, figure out. Or you're gonna stay stuck and it's gonna be amplified in pain every single year.
- [52:30]
B
Right. 100. But sometimes people need to be reminded of how bad it could get if they. So you break out of this kind of this numbness, this resignation. Right. And it's just like, it's a. Make that thorn in your side a little bit. Pain is the ultimate driver. It is more than pleasure, where all the thing that we do most is running from pain.
- [52:55]
A
Yeah. It's interesting because if you ask someone who's in that situation, they've been in a challenging relationship that's up and down, or maybe it's a little psychologically abusive, or they're not getting the love they feel they deserve. And, you know, they're struggling and they talk about it weekly or they're bringing it up, or you just see their energy down and you know it's based on the relationship. And when you ask them, if you had a friend who was in the same situation, what would you tell them? Yes. And they're like, get out of this thing.
- [53:25]
B
Yeah.
- [53:25]
A
But why is it so hard for them to get out of it themselves when they could easily coach someone else? Hey, you're going through this Girlfriend or guy friend. Like, you can't. You shouldn't be in this relationship. Or if you tell them, hey, if you have a child and they are going through this, what would you do? You'd be like, I'd be telling them to get out of this thing as quick as possible. But you won't do that for your inner child.
- [53:46]
B
100%.
- [53:47]
A
Why do we as human beings tend to stay in things longer when we know they're not right for us?
- [53:53]
B
Because we rationalize based on triggers. Right. We make it more complicated than it is because there is this chemical in our body, and we say that it's love. And now all of a sudden, you know, you had that good experience, and now you have a bad experience, and the bad experience, you start to rationalize because. But this happened. But I felt so good when in.
- [54:18]
A
The beginning it was different.
- [54:19]
B
In the beginning it was different, and I know I can change them. And then, you know, or. Or, you know, that's just them. Right. And. But the truth is, it's your own trauma. It's your own experience. And now you try to rationalize it so that you can get another hit of whatever it is. Right. And there is a real thing about being addicted to someone. You can be addicted to someone. Addiction is never about the drug. Right. Addiction is about the issues that drove.
- [54:49]
A
You to the drug.
- [54:50]
B
So when we start to say, are you addicted to someone? You know, are you addicted to a person? Yes. I mean, love is the most addictive thing, so.
- [54:58]
A
Addictive.
- [54:59]
B
So how do you know if you're addicted to someone? Well, everyone told all my friends and family that we've broken up five times. And now I don't mention it when I go see this person or if they didn't call me 12 times and reassure me that they still love me, that I'm in a complete anxious fit.
- [55:18]
A
You know, it's interesting because you said love is the most addictive, addictive thing. I feel like it's. The illusion of love is very addictive. If you're wounded because you think it's love, when really it's just out of alignment and you're chasing something to heal a wound. Right. There's like, you don't really love each other if you can't accept each other.
- [55:38]
B
You're absolutely right. And what we can caveat that with is romantic love.
- [55:41]
A
Yes.
- [55:42]
B
Because chemical love, you know, Chemical love. Right. Because everybody wants romance and.
- [55:47]
A
Absolutely.
- [55:47]
B
And we've been trained to want that by the movies and everything else. But this is the.
- [55:52]
A
The. The.
- [55:53]
B
The pharmaceutical in your brain flushing of oxytocin and endorphin. Love.
- [56:01]
A
You know that old saying, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. I think that goes for how we live too. It's not just what we do, it's the energy, the intention, the presence we bring. And that's exactly what the Range Rover Sport brings to the road. The Range Rover Sport is built to take on roads anywhere without any unnecessary details. It combines a dynamic sporting personal elegance and agility and delivers an instinctive drive. Its assertive stance hints at an equally refined driving performance. Defining true modern luxury, the Range Rover Sport features the latest innovations in comfort and convenience. The cabin air purification system alongside the Active Noise cancellation creates a new level of quality, comfort and control. Terrain Response 2 offers seven terrain models to choose from, fine tuning the vehicle for any challenging roads ahead. A force inside and out. The Range Rover Sport is available with a choice of powerful engines, including a plug in hybrid with an estimated range of 48 miles. Build your Range Rover Sport at range rover.com ussport this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, the holidays can feel a lot like balancing family expectations, travel, work and trying to make everything perfect. It's easy to forget to take care of yourself in the middle of it all. I've been there and what I've learned is that when you don't make space to slow down, it's hard to actually enjoy the moments that matter Most. That's why BetterHelp is encouraging you to rewrite your traditions this season by making time for you. Incorporating therapy into your routine can help you pause, reflect, stay grounded during what can be joyful but sometimes hectic or even lonely time of the year. The holidays look different for everyone. Maybe it's baking your great aunt's sweet potato pie, or maybe it's starting something new like a quiet night with friends. Therapy can be one of those new traditions too. Better Help matches you with a licensed therapist based on your goals and preferences. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch anytime this December. Start a new tradition by taking care of you. Our listeners get 10% off@betterhelp.com Louis that's better. H E L P.com Louis and this is one of the reasons why when I was starting to date Martha, I made a very conscious decision that I was like, we're not going to have sexual intimacy. We waited many, many months. We spent so much quality time together without any of that happening. And I just wanted to get to know her as A person as a human being. And I was like, if we took sex off the table, sexual intimacy off the table, do I want to hang out with this person?
- [58:41]
B
Yes.
- [58:42]
A
Do I want to have 10,000 meals with this person? Do I enjoy their company? Or is this chemical bonding of sex given me this rush of this illusion of love, which is not real because it's all this chemical rush or this romanticized rush of love versus is this person just a good person? Do they accept me? Do they love me for who I am? Can we overcome challenges together? Can we raise a family together? Can we manage money together? Can we deal with in laws together? Can we. All these things, you know, when life throws challenges our way, are we going to crumble as a, as a, as a, as a unit, or are we going to come together and thrive? And I wanted to look at that this time more than, oh, do we feel like we're in love? Chemically, I wanted to delay that as long as possible. And it has given me so much peace, so much more harmony than everything I did in the past.
- [59:42]
B
So I love the friendship courtship. Yeah. You know, to really get to know someone without, you know, putting that bearing on it. I love the idea of that.
- [59:51]
A
I just think it helped me make a clearer decision based on values. Values based love versus chemical based love.
- [59:58]
B
I think it's so important, you know, and that was.
- [60:01]
A
I don't think I had the ability to do that in my 20s. You know, I couldn't wait that long. I was like, I wasn't disciplined enough.
- [60:07]
B
Yeah.
- [60:08]
A
And I was chasing that rush, that drug.
- [60:11]
B
Yeah.
- [60:11]
A
And when you can discipline yourself to say, who is this human being in front of me? The soul connection, and do we align with values, with our vision? Do we have a shared vision? Then you can start going into the romantic stuff even more.
- [60:27]
B
I agree. It's so important.
- [60:29]
A
What do you think is the biggest thing holding you back in your life at this season? You've just turned 50. You're in a healthy, loving relationship. You're serving humanity and helping coach people to heal, to overcome their fears, to optimize their life. What is the challenge you face now, Jim?
- [60:49]
B
You know, I remember we talked about this the last time we talked too, and.
- [60:54]
A
But you weren't in an intimate relationship yet. So now you're.
- [60:57]
B
Yeah, it's true. That's true. Sometimes you get into these seasons of life, the seasons within the seasons. It's like, this is a season of my life. And then sometimes things are just seem to be hitting on all cylinders of fire and Things seem really great, and they feel like that. So I'm not really looking at what's not working. What I want to do is how do I amplify the contribution that I give to the world in a bigger way, and who do I need to help me with?
- [61:33]
A
That is a question on your team?
- [61:35]
B
On my team, my support system, who needs to be on the team to do that, and how can I do that effectively? That's of value to people because people like to work with me one on one, but I can't possibly work with that many people one on one. So how do I actually provide that level of value to people in a broader way? And. And who do I need on my team to help me do that?
- [61:57]
A
Yeah.
- [61:58]
B
So that is kind of the question that I'm asking today.
- [62:02]
A
There's something that I would ask my therapist a few years ago, as once I got into a place of feeling, like the healing journey was at a very peaceful state. Like, I didn't feel like I needed to constantly heal anything anymore. And I felt like I was just on the journey of maintaining the healing. She'd be like, what do you want to talk about today? I go, I just feel good. I feel so good in my life now. I feel like everything's flowing. And I said, you know, I want to think about my future self, and I want to think about the potential challenges my future self might face. Can you tell me about your older clients that you work with and what they're facing? And she would tell me, well, you know, these older men have, like, have all the money in the world, and they've succeeded, but then they blow up their families because they want to go for whatever. They want to go have fun now or do something, and they always regret it, you know, or this guy would do this or this woman would do this. So I was kind of thinking about the future challenges that might come.
- [63:01]
B
Yeah.
- [63:01]
A
And how to prevent those things.
- [63:02]
B
Yeah.
- [63:03]
A
Do you ever think about your future self and what your future self might be facing? Or are you more of just like, I'm going to be present in the moment and only focus on now and not stress about that at all?
- [63:13]
B
I've made it a habit to focus on the future that I want. And so I don't focus on the future that may happen. That could be difficult. I spent all my time focusing on the future that I want. And just recently I've been saying, time is going by faster for some reason. Maybe I'm spending more time on my phone. Maybe I'm doing something it's going by faster. So it's like, how do I slow down and be more present in the now? And then when I'm projecting into the future, how do I project only the vision of what I want to come? I try not to look for the pitfalls because you can always find those pitfalls. And then I find myself getting to this, like, the fear state again. So I look at what could be in the future that I truly want. How do I envision my body? How do I envision my relationships? How do I envision my career? How do I envision my spirituality and my contributions? Okay. And so how do I feel that now? And then what do I need to do to go get it? And that's, that's. That's what I do on a regular basis.
- [64:14]
A
What is the biggest challenge or what is the biggest thing that your clients or people in your community come to you that they're struggling to overcome right now?
- [64:25]
B
A real sense of stuck in connection.
- [64:27]
A
Really?
- [64:27]
B
Yeah. So people come in and just feel stuck. They don't really know why. They don't know what it is that a lack of connection. A lot of people are in transition in their lives, so they've gotten a divorce or they're in a marriage. They feel like they may have a divorce, or they're. They're at a point where they haven't had a loving relationship and they want one or wealth. And then some people just have transactional fears that they want to get rid of, which I'm afraid of, like snakes or spiders or something. So it runs the gamut.
- [64:57]
A
So a lot of it's fear. They feel stuck. They fear the future. They have a lack of connection, and they're trying to overcome this fear.
- [65:04]
B
This is all the conscious. What they consciously come to me with. And then what I realize and what we go through is quite a, you know, a transcendental experience of reconnecting to the energy of the I am. And it, like, without ever taking psychedelics, it's the most psychedelic experience you can get.
- [65:23]
A
That's beautiful. Yeah. I think for us, both of us, healing and going on a healing journey has helped us thrive. Why is nervous system regulation essential for creating abundance in someone's life? Having more success, having more clarity, and a more harmonious relationship? Why is healing the nervous system so crucial?
- [65:44]
B
Nervous system regulation is the key to it all. Because if your body is in fight or flight, or if you're reacting to everything that happens, then you're living in a fear state. Right. You're constantly on high Alert. You're constantly ready for whatever is going to come for you. And when you realize through, even through breath, even through just settling down and experience what's in the room, the colors that you can see, or just by talking to yourself and saying it's safe right now and you can go into your own little trance when you can ground yourself into the safe present moment and regulate your nervous system, emotionally regulate, then you open the road up, you remove the static and you open the road up for the potential that is most powerful.
- [66:34]
A
Yeah.
- [66:35]
B
Yeah.
- [66:36]
A
Sometimes we, we forget that we're in this world, this personal growth world, me and you, and we're talking about this stuff all the time.
- [66:43]
B
Yeah.
- [66:44]
A
Sometimes we forget that most of the world is not in this.
- [66:47]
B
Yeah.
- [66:47]
A
And so when we speak about things like meditation, breath work, self hypnosis, prayer, connection to the divine, I feel like we're just repeating ourselves over and over again. But most of the world is not practicing this on a consistent basis to regulate their nervous system. And they're also not connecting with their inner child. You know, something that I did for a long time as well, to help me go through the memories of the past that caused so much pain and reinterpret those memories, create new meaning around those memories and find peace and forgiveness around those memories or the people that cause those painful memories.
- [67:26]
B
Yeah.
- [67:27]
A
But most people stay stuck because they're not just willing to practice those things consistently. And so they numb themselves with other addictions, alcohol, smoking, drugs, whatever it might be sex, to feel pleasure, to try to overcome that pain. But the more we seek pleasure by itself and not turn around and face the pain, the more stuck and more disconnected we're going to feel, the more pain that's going to come longer.
- [67:53]
B
Yeah.
- [67:54]
A
How can you convince someone that if they just focused on having a, a five to ten minute practice daily of whatever breath work, meditation, self hypnosis, prayer, something.
- [68:10]
B
Yeah.
- [68:11]
A
That their life will improve. When so many people want a fix that's going to give them pleasure over doing the deeper work. How do we convince or enroll people in this? Or do people just need to go.
- [68:21]
B
Through so much pain they have to experience it? So when there's so much pain that like, you have to look for something different.
- [68:28]
A
Yeah.
- [68:28]
B
But here, here is the thing. When you resist, what you resist persists. What you resist persists. So you have to just allow it, surrender to it and become it. And then you start to flow a little bit more. But there is a one minute, less than one minute thing that you can do each day and I'll prove to you immediately that I can make you feel better in 30 seconds.
- [68:52]
A
What's that?
- [68:53]
B
Yeah. So one is, let's just, just go back to the old don't think of a yellow elephant. And some people can see pictures in their mind, some people can't. Don't think of that big goofy looking yellow elephant or usually a pink elephant. But I'm saying yellow because I do the yellow butterfly manifestation. Don't think of that really weird pink or yellow elephant in your mind. And immediately you start to think of it. You can't not. So you start to say, okay, so I'm in more control, right. My brain is, when I say don't, that does. Right. So how do I ask questions of myself? That gets me to start to manifest exactly what I want. So how do I go about manifesting what I want? How do I feel better right before bed asking those questions? But here, now we can simply do this. We can say, close your lips. I'm going to give people a physical example about how I can lower their anxiety and get them to experience something more in 20 or 30 seconds. Close your lips. Now allow your teeth to separate. And now allow your tongue to fall from the roof of your mouth. And now breathe in through your nose and notice the temperature of the breath going in through your nostrils. And as you breathe out, notice the temperature of your breath coming out. And as you breathe in, noticing the breath going in. And as you breathe out, just noticing the breath going out. And if you can imagine just two weights on your arms pulling your shoulders down really comfortably. And now in the room, find a color, a color that you love most that brings sparks, joy. Right? And now close your eyes and think of that color. And just think about it going through your body, filtering through every cell in your body, that beautiful color. And now as you open your eyes up, you know, you can just simply be back with us with your eyes open and you realize that in 20 seconds we can emotionally regulate ground and come back to this nervous system regulation that allows us to say, okay, this world is not so frenetic. I have a little bit more control.
- [71:20]
A
Yeah.
- [71:20]
B
Did you experience that 100? Yeah.
- [71:22]
A
Yeah. I mean, this is something I, I started practicing self hypnosis, meditation, breath work in my teen years through sports psychology and learning about yoga practices back then as well. Yeah, because I had so much running in my mind, so much fear and anxiety and not enough this and worthiness conversations. So this just brought me, right. I mean I'm so, I can get there so quickly now. Because I've practiced so often and every time I do I just feel a golden light, like washing over my soul. And it feels so peaceful and relaxing and I feel so in alignment quickly.
- [72:04]
B
Yeah.
- [72:04]
A
So I think it's practice. It's an easy way to get back into an energetic state of peace and harmony. And it's so hard to accomplish what we want from a frantic, scarce state of being.
- [72:18]
B
Yes.
- [72:18]
A
And the more we can practice this clarity in this harmony and this alchemy inside of us, the easier it is for us to regulate around us and create what we want, create boundaries, be more discerning, and have all these tools available to us. These spiritual skills that are innate within us but are hard to tap into. When we're living in a state of frantic energy, 100% fear or concern. We lack the ability to have those spiritual intuitive tools to know what decision to make, to know what friends are good for us. To know who to say yes and what to say no to. We lack those tools and we stay stuck in relationships that no longer serve us. We stay in physical pain. We do things to numb our bodies and only hurt us. And that's why I'm so glad that you're here. Because we just need reminders. And even the people that know this stuff, reminders. We need reminders.
- [73:18]
B
We remind ourselves. One is anybody that may think that this stuff is woo woo. When we talk about manifestation and saying I'm sorry and healing our pain and. And it's someone's like, come on, let's bring this down to earth. I love that practice we just did. Because within 20 seconds you can ground yourself and realize, oh, I could. I feel the difference. And now in that state, if you go one step further and start to say I start to reprogram with the I am statements. I am this. Job, I am whatever it is. Those I am statements that becomes, like you said, really powerful. And so when we can start to lower that and step back into it, we realize we're more powerful than we could ever imagine.
- [74:01]
A
Yeah. I'm curious if you were able to do a self hypnosis to yourself right now.
- [74:08]
B
Yeah.
- [74:10]
A
And you could put yourself in a state where you saw yourself at your 60th birthday.
- [74:15]
B
60Th birthday.
- [74:16]
A
So you just had your 50th birthday.
- [74:18]
B
Yep.
- [74:19]
A
But now we're a decade ahead.
- [74:21]
B
10 years.
- [74:22]
A
10 years. It's. It's 2035.
- [74:24]
B
Yeah.
- [74:25]
A
You're at your 60th birthday party. What has happened? If you could draw the future to the now.
- [74:34]
B
Yes.
- [74:34]
A
And manifest everything you want in your intimate relationship to your. The impact you want to have on the world, to your physical health to that, the thoughts and the feelings you're having. What is life at your 60th birthday party look and feel like over the next decade?
- [74:53]
B
Yeah, I think that that is. I can see it and it's always in nature. So I can see myself walking pain free, smooth. You know, I can, you know, as I envision this, it's. I have a real knowing. I always, I've had knowings most of my life, but I have a real knowing that my physical, my body is healing itself. And now by 60, you know, I'll be considerably different in terms of my own mobility and my own strength. And I can. It's just a knowing within me. And I don't know if it's because of the technology that's happening or my own healing, but in this vision, and especially if I was to put myself in self hypnosis, it's walking in nature with friends and family and pain free and just surrounded by people that I really love and feel good with, knowing that I am helping the world in a much broader way. Much broader way. Millions of people.
- [75:57]
A
I hope we have this clip in 10 years and you can watch it and say, oh, look what I manifested, you know.
- [76:02]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [76:03]
A
What is the. If you were only able to say three things about yourself on a daily basis to enrich your mindset, to support you in accomplishing this dream, what would those three things be on a daily basis? If you could only say three things.
- [76:21]
B
I am loving, I am lovable, and I am capable. I am loving. I am lovable. I am capable. What I really believe is that everything stems from this desire for. For needing and wanting to be loved.
- [76:35]
A
Yes.
- [76:36]
B
I think love is the creation of the universe. I think it's the creation of energy. And this is not a chemical love that we're talking about. It is the highest frequency. Now, people who do a lot of psychedelic journeys that have had experiences with near death or even, you know, I have one client that he was pronounced dead and brought back to life. And what people experience is this overwhelming feeling of love. And it is this energy that fuels the quantum, the universe, the highest frequency. The more that we attach to that, the more that we align with it, the more flow and power that we have. So that's something that I say to myself every day, is that I am loving, I am lovable and I'm capable.
- [77:31]
A
If you could share one way that we could align ourselves with the art of manifestation. Faster. What would be that one path on how we would do it?
- [77:41]
B
To align yourself with the art of manifestation. Faster. Has to be the I am that I am technique. Right. To envision yourself as that. Because it says I am not separate from it. Manifestation is a term that's often used to manifest something outside of you. What I really love is this idea of realization. Realization that I am it. I am not separate from it. I am whole and complete, made from it. I am the creator of it. Right. So I am that I am. So what do you want? If you want to get down into the very specific goal that you want, say it. Specifically, announce it, proclaim it. And now go in and start to say, to the identity of you, I am it. I feel it. I am it. Not separate from it, but I am it. And feel the excitement of your realizing that. That you have it, that you are it. That it's just moments away from you. Right. And continue to do that visualization and that verbalization daily for it.
- [78:53]
A
That's beautiful. Yeah. Because I think people could do that for a moment and say, yeah, I'm excited about having this thing. Or that I am this thing and it's coming to me. But then they can get pulled off track.
- [79:05]
B
Yeah.
- [79:06]
A
And they can find evidence of why they're so far away from it. So how do we convince our minds or our bodies that we are not separate from what we want? That we are it. That I am it. It's coming. It's here. I am embodying it. Now, how do we continue to convince ourselves that we are not separate from the thing that we truly want?
- [79:28]
B
Right. Because we go in and say, well, it's. I can't hold it. It's not here right now. Right. And so we start to convince ourselves with logic.
- [79:37]
A
Yes.
- [79:37]
B
That it's something different. And so it's a daily practice. Right. We have to give up attachment. We have to surrender to the way things are showing up. Right. And we have to be. The way that you become truly magnetic is by giving up this neediness. The needy, needy, needy, neediness. And it's not to say you don't want anything. Of course. We all want things. This is the human experience. We won the golden ticket to Disneyland. And where our soul is here to experience all the pain and beauty. So we want things. Good. Go get them. But when you need it, when it defines you every day, that's what leads you into feeling like, oh, it's not here yet. I'm separate from it.
- [80:20]
A
You start to repel it.
- [80:21]
B
Right. And so convince yourself every day that all this illusion, we see a fraction of 1% of every particle of light and energy here. Right? There is so much more that we don't know. There's so much more that could be possible. So if we just open ourselves up to the infinite possibility in this thing that is unknown, then every day we can be reminded of that, that it could surprise us.
- [80:53]
A
How has your relationship with God shifted over the last 20 years from having experiencing pain to, you know, challenges in your body, to starting to heal your body? How is your relationship with God evolved?
- [81:13]
B
Yeah, well, I went to a Jesuit high school, right. So the Jesuit priests and we really studied like, you know, religion and so. And then I was, you know, confirmed as a Catholic. And there is this idea of God. And now I believe that we are the, you know, we are the experience of God, we are the Creator, that we are like the source within us, that we are the manifestation of a higher power. Whether we want to call that God or the universal mind, or Christ consciousness, or the, or the quantum or the void, whatever it is, or atman or whatever we want to call it. So my relationship is that there is something bigger and grander. And when we can close our eyes and really attune or align with that higher power, the higher self. So much more peace.
- [82:15]
A
Yes.
- [82:15]
B
Yeah, it's. So listen, no one really knows, but perhaps we energy is neither created or destroyed. Perhaps we leave this body and that's it. But if we can just simply for the moments that we're alive in this life, equate to that higher presence, that higher power, and feel more peace, isn't that worth it?
- [82:42]
A
100%.
- [82:43]
B
Yeah.
- [82:43]
A
Whether you believe it's real or not, the science proves that having a belief in a higher power brings you more peace, more healing. And so it's like, why not live with it? Why not live with it? Right, Exactly.
- [82:55]
B
Yeah.
- [82:56]
A
That's interesting.
- [82:56]
B
Yeah.
- [82:57]
A
Is there anything else on your heart or mind that you feel like people really need to hear?
- [83:01]
B
You don't have to be afraid. You need. You don't have to be so hard on yourself. You don't have to be afraid. You don't have to worry that people are judging you. You can stop. You can stop because the minute that you do, the minute that you accept it, that you accept yourself, that you become your authentic self and you stop putting on the mask and the bullshit and some people you realize, are not going to like you. And that's okay. Right. And sometimes you're gonna make people upset and that's okay. As soon as you allow and surrender to that, your life is gonna get so much easier.
- [83:34]
A
Absolutely.
- [83:34]
B
The second thing I would say is all this stuff that you're worried about, you don't need to worry about it. You can let it go. You can let it go because it's, it's not going to come to fruition. If it does, you've handled worse.
- [83:48]
A
You have a community online, Jim Curtiscoaching.com awaken that I think is coming out very soon, called Awaken and Align. So if people want to get more involved in your coaching, in your service, in your teachings, they can go to that website. We'll have it all linked up. But Jim Curtiscoaching.com they're also putting out some great content on social media. Jim Curtis one over on Instagram as well. If people want to have a soothing voice that speaks affirmational truths to them, then make sure they follow you because it's very relaxing. So if your nervous system is stressed out, make sure you guys go follow.
- [84:24]
B
At the very least, just listen. You'll relax.
- [84:26]
A
Exactly. It's very relaxing and calming and healing energy. So I want to acknowledge you for the healing energy, Jim, that you bring to the world.
- [84:33]
B
Thanks.
- [84:34]
A
Because I think those that have gone through some of the most challenging times and the biggest suffering and the most pain learn how to bring the most healing energy to others once they learn how to do it for themselves. So I acknowledge you for being on a painful journey that has caused you and allowed you to find your own inner healing and therefore be able to share with others how to do the same. And I'm sure it's not some a journey that you enjoyed going on for the last 20 plus years, 30 years. But it's also probably something you look back and say, oh, I'm grateful for this life on how I can serve people now through my personal story. And I'm grateful for you, man, for being on the journey, for using your platform for good, for constantly thinking about how you can evolve as a human personally and professionally to serve humanity on a broader level. So I want to acknowledge you for that. You also have, I believe, a book coming out next year. So we'll have to get you back on maybe in a year or two, whenever it's out and have you talk about that book. But for now, people have the ability to get coaching by you and a group coaching experience over@jimcurtiscoaching.com awaken anything else I should send people to to check out right now?
- [85:48]
B
No, I Think that that course, that community that we do, that it's my six month community, that that really allows people to step into all that we've talked about today. And so I think that is the best place.
- [86:03]
A
Awesome.
- [86:03]
B
Yeah.
- [86:04]
A
I asked you this before, but I asked you these two final questions. This is called the Three Truths. I'm curious now if it's different based on the season of life you're in, if there's different truths to this. But imagine you get to continue to impact the world for the rest of your life and you have everything you want you manifest, and you are it. Because I am it.
- [86:26]
B
Right.
- [86:27]
A
But it's the last day on earth for you, many years away.
- [86:29]
B
Okay.
- [86:30]
A
And all of your work has to go with you. We don't have access to your content anymore. This interview is gone. And everything else you've created is gone. Hypothetical. But you get to leave behind three truths to the world that you've learned. And this is all we would have of your content. What would those three truths be for you?
- [86:47]
B
The three truths that. That I'm leaving to the world.
- [86:50]
A
You're sharing with people the lessons you've learned that you would share with the world.
- [86:52]
B
Yes. Yes. There's never too much kindness. Yeah. Yeah. That. Stop beating yourself up for the times that you weren't kind and that you're lovable.
- [87:06]
A
Mm. Final question. What's your definition of greatness?
- [87:10]
B
My definition of greatness is someone that can live in their authenticity and that can help other people find theirs.
- [87:19]
A
Jim Curtis. Thanks, man. Appreciate you.
- [87:21]
B
Yeah, thanks for being here. Thanks for having me.
- [87:23]
A
Of course, man. Powerful. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness+channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something.
- [88:13]
B
Great.
- [88:14]
A
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A
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