End Of The World Conspiracy Theories!!!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Shane Dawson Podcast

Episode: End Of The World Conspiracy Theories!!!
Date: December 14, 2025
Host: Shane Dawson
Guests/Co-hosts: Ryland Adams, Jared, Spencer, Chris

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Overview

This episode of The Shane Dawson Podcast blends wild end-of-the-world conspiracy theories, holiday anxieties, and the group's usual irreverent banter. The crew discusses recent astronomical phenomena, mall design conspiracies, unsettling new household robots, Christmas gift-giving stress, and, of course, a heated round of their "Master Debater" debate game. Expect a melange of humor, paranoia, honest personal confessions, and the type of holiday chaos only this friend group can deliver.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Astronomical Anxieties: The End-of-the-World Comet

• Opening Conversation (00:31–01:25):

  • Jared introduces news of a newly discovered interstellar comet ("3i"), reportedly the third ever observed, and about the size of Manhattan.
  • Shane incredulously asks, "Why is nobody talking about this?" (00:45, Shane Dawson)

• In-Depth Breakdown (67:15–73:08):

  • Jared details growing conspiracy chatter around this comet, dubbed "3i," whose unusual properties have led even mainstream outlets to host Harvard astrophysicist Avi Loeb, albeit often mockingly.
  • Key points:
    • Only three observed interstellar comets—this one is massive and unusually smooth, suggesting it might be artificial.
    • Chinese satellites have called this object a “visitor,” not a comet.
    • The comet accelerated and changed colors near the sun, behaving as if it had its own engine.
    • The object originated from the same part of space as the famous 1977 "Wow! signal," the only anomalous radio signal of note.
    • "They didn't call it a comet, they called it a visitor." (69:54, Jared)
    • Some theorists see this as evidence of an incoming alien craft or, more cynically, a staged "Project Blue Beam" event.
    • Closest approach is December 19, 2025. Some odds put a 40% chance it's "not just space debris."
  • Reactions: The group vacillates between joking, skepticism, and legitimate concern, with nods to "Don't Look Up" and worries about government/media misdirection.

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2. Holiday Gift-Giving Anxiety (07:35–11:19)

• Shane expresses high anxiety about not finishing Christmas shopping, noting he usually has gifts wrapped by Halloween, but is behind due to work commitments.

  "I am usually done with Christmas shopping by Halloween. Because of the pilot, because of everything going on, I haven’t even started." (07:35, Shane Dawson)

• Jared represents the ‘last-minute shopper’, shopping on Dec 23rd or 24th; Ryland links this to "typical straight man" behavior.

• Chris feels strapped for funds due to work equipment purchases, causing added holiday stress.

• The crew jokes that they’ve set the bar "way too high" and should normalize more modest gifts.

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3. Trigger Alley & Childhood Memories (01:19–03:05; 45:56–47:34)

• Shane pitches the term "Trigger Alley" for memories that resurface unexpectedly.
• The group shares funny, sometimes gross, nostalgic stories—like Shane’s dandruff snow prank in a McDonald's drive-thru.
• The topic resurfaces regarding Taco Bell advertisements causing cravings, linking memory, nostalgia, and marketing manipulation.

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4. Master Debater: Christmas Edition (14:17–42:09)

Rounds Overview

• Worst Gift Card to Receive (16:29–20:20):

  • Winner: "Fantastic Sam’s" (haircut chain) thanks to Jared’s traumatic haircut story.

    "For me to give that [gift card] to anybody is almost like saying, I hate you and I want you to look stupid." (18:48, Jared)

• Most Overrated Christmas Food (20:38–26:20):

  • Chris wins with "candy canes;" Shane tries to argue for the blandness of dry, unsalted mashed potatoes, and Ryland for ham.

    "To me, a candy cane is something that…sucks. They break off. They stab you. You never finish them." (23:59, Chris)

• Hottest Celebrity Santa (26:23–30:08):

  • Shane nominates O’Shea Jackson Jr. (“That’s the pitch”); Ryland nominates a chubby Chris Pratt; Spencer campaigns for Kevin James. Chris picks O’Shea Jackson Jr. as his winner.

    "There hasn’t been a Santa that young. And that hot." (27:42, Chris)

• Worst Gift to Ask Santa (33:19–37:54):

  • Wild answers: meth pipe (Jared), "sweet release of death" (Chris), man breasts (Shane), night with Mrs. Claus (Ryland). Spencer picks "man breasts" as the most cringe.

    "Santa is magic…and if you ask for man breasts, he will give them to you." (34:41, Shane Dawson)

• Most Bank-breaking Gift (38:22–41:51):

  • Bids include: a Lamborghini Urus (Chris), live-in butler (Spencer), big diamond earrings (Shane), rare Hot Wheels collectible (Jared).
  • Ryland picks the earrings, lightly roasted for claiming to hate extravagant gifts earlier.

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5. Christmas and Consumerism Conspiracies

Taco Bell Mind Control (47:34–55:12)

• Fourth Meal Manipulation

  • Shane posits that Taco Bell's "Fourth Meal" campaign used the "psychology of circadian manipulation" to train customers to crave their food at 11pm.

  • "Taco Bell ads…were targeted to teenagers… meant to cause cravings after 11pm. They wanted to train a new generation’s internal clocks." (50:15, Shane Dawson)

• Their Signature Sauce Conspiracy

  • Taco Bell sauces are reportedly engineered to only taste good with their own food.

  • "Literally, they designed this sauce to taste specifically good with only their food… Try it with other food, it is not just disgusting, it is like revolting." (52:24, Shane Dawson)

Mall Design Manipulation (62:58–66:32)

• Listener "Maya" shares revelations from her relative in mall design:
  • Maps lie: “You are here” dots are purposely displaced, adding browsing time.
  • Slight map rotations disorient visitors, boosting spending by 17%.
  • Color palettes in malls guide consumer flow (warmer near anchor stores, cooler near rest areas).

  • “People spend 17% more when they’re lost, but think they’re not.” (64:36, Spencer)

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6. AI Home Robot "Neo" – Existential Dread (55:20–60:24)

• The group debates a new humanoid home robot, Neo, which does chores but requires remote human supervision—meaning operators can see inside your house using the robot’s cameras.
• Concerns Raised:
  • Privacy (potential for being hacked or watched by strangers).
  • Uselessness: If an operator must always control it, why not just hire a person?
  • Paranoia: Possibility for accidental or intentional harm.
• “There's no way 90% of people buying these aren't getting hand jobs from it.” (56:29, Jared)
• Universal consensus: Not worth it, more creepy than helpful—"Just hire a maid."

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7. Viral Color Theory Video & Paint Conspiracies (61:27–62:55)

• The crew reviews a viral TikTok of a wall painting illusion, failing to agree on how it works—potential AI or editing trick.

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8. Rylan’s Puppet-Driven Recap (73:35–79:10)

• Steve Hartley (a puppet) and Sally recap key moments.
• Recap hits:
  • The demise of Black Friday chaos.
  • The end-of-the-world comet ("Three Eye Atlas") theory.
  • Taco Bell sauce conspiracy.
  • Puppet banter: "Taco Bell sauce is a scam." (77:55, Shane as puppet)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• "Why is nobody talking about this?" (00:45, Shane Dawson)
• "People spend 17% more when they’re lost, but think they’re not." (64:36, Spencer)
• "They didn’t call it a comet, they called it a visitor." (69:54, Jared)
• "Santa is magic…and if you ask for man breasts, he will give them to you." (34:41, Shane Dawson)
• "Taco Bell ads…were targeted to teenagers… meant to cause cravings after 11pm." (50:15, Shane Dawson)

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Key Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp (MM:SS) | |-----------------------------------------------------|-------------------| | Intro, Comet Discussion Begins | 00:31–01:25 | | Christmas Gift Anxiety | 07:35–11:19 | | Master Debater Game | 14:17–42:09 | | Taco Bell 4th Meal Conspiracy | 47:34–50:53 | | Taco Bell Sauce Theory | 51:29–55:11 | | Neo AI Robot, AI Home Conspiracy | 55:20–60:24 | | Mall Map Manipulation | 62:58–66:32 | | End-of-the-World Comet Theory Explained | 67:15–73:08 | | Rylan’s Puppet Recap | 73:35–79:10 |

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Tone & Language

• The tone is irreverent, often profane, and playfully conspiratorial.
• They bounce swiftly from genuine fear to humor, often undermining potentially scary content with jokes or offbeat anecdotes.
• The language is familiar and unfiltered, heavy on inside jokes, casual cursing, and pop culture references.

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Overall Takeaway

This episode takes listeners on a wild ride through the group's holiday stress, personal memories, and a series of conspiracy-laced thought experiments—from the plausible (mall psychology, fast food marketing) to the extreme (alien comets, robot peril). The camaraderie and humor balance the dark potential of some theories, making for a Christmas episode packed with both laughs and mild existential dread. If you love an offbeat mix of personal stories, madcap games, and a touch of paranoia, this is a must-listen.

Transcript

[Marshall's Advertiser]

Marshall's buyers are hustling hard to get amazing new gifts into stores right up to the last minute. Like a designer perfume for that friend who never RSVP'd wishlist topping toys for her kids who came too. Belgian chocolates for the neighbor. A cozy scarf for your boss. And a wool jacket for your husband that you definitely did not almost forget. Marshalls, we get the deals, you get the good stuff. Even at the last minute, find a Marshall's near you.

[Jared]

So they discovered it in July. It's huge. Only the third interstellar comet that we've observed. I think the current one that we're looking at, 3i is about the size of Manhattan. So it's like the size of a large city. What? Yeah. So why are they not.

[Shane Dawson]

Why is nobody talking about this? Hey, welcome back to whatever the hell this is, Christmas edition. It's snowing.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, it feels so delightful.

[Shane Dawson]

Catch him on your tongue.

[Chris]

Catch them on your tongue.

[Jared]

It's just my dandruff. Remember back in school we used to make it snow on the desks?

[Ryland Adams]

Shane's still doing that.

[Shane Dawson]

I remember.

[Spencer]

Okay, so gross.

[Ryland Adams]

Honestly, it's kind of a flex that you're able to.

[Spencer]

Thank you.

[Jared]

I wish I had dandruff.

[Shane Dawson]

So you know how we talk about memory lane things that trigger memory lane? I was thinking, what about Trigger Alley?

[Spencer]

Trigger Alley.

[Shane Dawson]

You know, you're taking a stroll down Trigger Alley and you see something that you're like, oh, my God, I was never gonna think about that again. You just sent me down Trigger Alley because I remember something and I want to know if you remember it too. The year is 2010. Times are very different. Okay, Ducky, A bottom is taking over the world.

[Ryland Adams]

Huh?

[Chris]

Triggered me. Trigger Alley.

[Spencer]

Yeah, that says to me, don't trigger out.

[Shane Dawson]

I love them. Okay, that's memorable.

[Chris]

I love them too.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay, so we're in. Me and Jared, we would just drive around a lot and we would be always be on the hunt for something. Like we would be on the hunt for when Slurpee made that straw that was made out of. Do you remember that?

[Jared]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Dawson]

And then we were hunting for something at McDonald's and we were in the McDonald's drive thru. We got a bunch of food and then I said, it's snowing. And I did that. And my dandruff went everywhere. So then Jared did not eat his food. He was very fist for me. And I felt horrible and I think I almost cried. So now every time I think about dandruff, I think about that moment.

[Jared]

That's so sweet.

[Shane Dawson]

Anyways, okay, so if any of you guys think of a Trigger Alley story throughout this show, maybe we trigger one of your memories.

[Ryland Adams]

We need to get a buzzer.

[Shane Dawson]

That's not a bad idea. Spencer, can you take that beautiful sweater over there and grab a couple buzzers?

[Ryland Adams]

Spencer and I are the only ones that dress for the occasion. As I was getting ready this morning, I looked over to Shannon. I said, well, is this the Christmas episode? And he said, sure. And I said, what does sure mean?

[Shane Dawson]

Hold on. It is the Christmas episode, but it is also, like 90 degrees in LA right now. And I was burning up when I put on my Christmas outfit. And I was like, I can't. If. If I want to have a good, fun, holly, jolly time, I'm wearing a T shirt.

[Ryland Adams]

I love a California Christmas. The hot. The sun.

[Shane Dawson]

Mm.

[Ryland Adams]

Trigger Alley.

[Shane Dawson]

Y. Okay, we have so much to talk about today that I'm gonna have to, like, hold myself back. Okay, Jared, speaking of gifts, you really gave me a gift this week, and I am so grateful for it, and it almost made me cry. Let's take it back a little bit. So you guys know we're working on a pilot. It got pushed. Right. So we actually, technically, while you're watching this right now, we are filming it.

[Ryland Adams]

You said that one.

[Shane Dawson]

I know. It got pushed a month. So, yes, we're shooting that right now. And one of our actors, Jared, AKA.

[Jared]

Vogue, cameraman, I've been Method acting week. Sandy's only been able to call me Bogue Cameraman.

[Shane Dawson]

Have you been asking her 73 questions?

[Jared]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay. So it's, like, actually very professional, which is so funny because I don't know, I guess I wasn't expecting, because when I told the casting department, I was like, oh, you know, I've already booked these roles. You know, my brother, my mom Chris, and I put it all down. But casting has been reaching out to everyone, like, very efficiently. Like, my mom called me and was like, what do I do? Like, they're asking for, like, your SAG number. Yeah. And your headshot. So Jared was like, oh, I don't have a headshot.

[Jared]

So I thought, where is the best, most professional place I can go to have one done? And none other than JCPenney popped into my mind. So me and Sandy, we went to JCPenney's, we got our headshots taken, and it was very professional. And it made me just, you know, feel like a star.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay, can I just say this? Your headshot was fucking good.

[Ryland Adams]

If I were you, that would be my email header. That would be my Instagram avatar.

[Shane Dawson]

I almost want to have it just floating right here in front of you. Like, that's how good that it felt.

[Jared]

Like I look like a kindergartner in, like, a yearbook or something, but I think it looks very good.

[Shane Dawson]

No, your teeth were so white. Like, you looked really good. And. And then when I texted casting about it, and I was like, hi, my brother is an official actor now, so I want to send him out on auditions. And he was like, period. It was really good.

[Ryland Adams]

So I'm really proud of you, Honestly, Jared's inspired me. They filmed it for their YouTube channel, and I was like, you know what? I need to go do that too.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

I love JCPenney.

[Jared]

Shaq owns JCPenney's.

[Shane Dawson]

Does he?

[Chris]

Yeah, that was. That was my real job.

[Spencer]

Wait, actually, I think. I think I've heard. Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

It's a trigger triggered a memory kind of. Kind of. Yeah. I don't know. It was fine. It's not gonna work. It's fine.

[Shane Dawson]

Can I be super honest? And I really don't mean this mean to JCPenney, because you guys have been.

[Ryland Adams]

My grandma's favorite store, so much a.

[Shane Dawson]

Part of my life, my childhood. I. I kind of thought they went out of business. Like, so, like, when Jared was like, I'm going to JCPenney's, I was like, sweetie, that's gone. When I was I thinking when I.

[Jared]

Googled it, because my first thought was Walmart does have a port studio in there. So I thought I could go to Walmart, but then I just googled it, and I was like, I wonder if JZ Penney's is still around. Because I thought the same thing. I thought they went out of business and they were just online now.

[Shane Dawson]

Right.

[Jared]

But they have a couple locations. I don't think they're as national as they once were, but you can find them.

[Shane Dawson]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Wow.

[Shane Dawson]

Good job, jc. Jc Speaking of things that are unfortunately over, but for us, it's just begun. Guys, our pod Boo boos are here. No way. So, yes, Labubus have. You know, they've taken a back seat in the world. The bear cubs came and took their thunder, and now the labubus are hanging and they're rotting, and they're like, hello. I saw one girl the other day, and she was like, she had a labubu. I said, oh, you have a labuboo. She goes, oh, yeah, I forgot to take it off.

[Jared]

I was like, ooh, ooh, oh, Labubus are through. They're Done.

[Shane Dawson]

Is that sad?

[Jared]

That's very sad.

[Shane Dawson]

But you know what's never gonna go out of style? Our pod boo boos. Okay, they're here. And. Oh, my God, there's so cute.

[Spencer]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Dawson]

Oh, we need to figure. We should have got a whole tree and hung them from the tree.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, my God. The theme of the tree is pod boo Boo.

[Shane Dawson]

It could have been also. Oh, my God, this Steve Hartley is so funny in person. This is insane.

[Spencer]

She got the, like, terrible bald cap.

[Shane Dawson]

Perfect.

[Ryland Adams]

The Crocs are incredible.

[Spencer]

The props just, like, dangling.

[Shane Dawson]

I feel like he needs to be incorporated into Ryland's recap. I don't know.

[Ryland Adams]

I don't want to hurt him.

[Shane Dawson]

Wait, is he in the shot? Yeah.

[Jared]

I love him.

[Spencer]

That's amazing.

[Shane Dawson]

So fun.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, my God. The accessories are crazy icky. Lizzie's dog. The Erewhon bag.

[Shane Dawson]

Yeah. So we're gonna find places for all of our pod boo boos. Thank you so much, Sarah. These are so beautiful. We love them so much. We'll put your Etsy store.

[Spencer]

Yeah, her Etsy store is up. Back up and running. So you guys go and check it out.

[Chris]

Mine's gonna chill right here for right now.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh.

[Shane Dawson]

Oh, Okay. I don't want to throw him. I'm scared. Well, he's. He's actually. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, guys, I want to talk about Christmas anxiety. Now, number one, we are not just a Christmas podcast. We are for everyone. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, nothing at all. So let's just say holiday anxiety. I personally am getting very triggered because as we're filming this, it is November, and Christmas is coming, and I have not even started to think about Christmas shopping. And let me tell you this. I am usually done with Christmas shopping by Halloween. By Halloween, all of my orders are done, and I have everything ready to go. Because of the pilot, because of everything going on, I haven't even started. Except I do have Chris's present. We got that literally two months ago.

[Ryland Adams]

Literally.

[Shane Dawson]

We were somewhere, and I saw something, and I was like, that's Chris. So I had. But I have not done anybody else, and I'm starting to panic. My therapist told me maybe I should just give everybody Chili's gift cards.

[Spencer]

That would be a good gift.

[Shane Dawson]

She's like. She's like, make it a joke. And I was like, but here's the problem. I have turned myself into. I don't know why or how, but it started when I was a little boy. But when I was a little boy, I was the kid that gave the most thoughtful gift. The thing that was like, oh, my gosh, like, how did he even remember that? That was my favorite childhood book when I was 7.

[Jared]

It's kind of crazy how opposite I think we are.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay.

[Jared]

Cause I typically will do Christmas shopping ON like the 23rd, sometimes Christmas Eve if stores are open.

[Ryland Adams]

That's typical straight man, you know, And.

[Jared]

I get like, anxiety, but it's because I just don't know what to buy for people.

[Ryland Adams]

Even for Sandy?

[Jared]

Sometimes even for Sandy.

[Spencer]

Wow.

[Jared]

Well, I'll start in like early December because I don't want to feel like I'm, you know, out of time.

[Spencer]

Right.

[Jared]

But 90% of my shopping happens probably the day before. We have like the get together at the house and everyone gives gifts.

[Shane Dawson]

Oh, my God. Yeah, I, like, I have been having such a good week where I'm so excited about everything happening and I wake up every day and I'm so happy to be alive. And then I remember that I haven't started Christmas shopping and I literally start panicking. So. Yeah. Chrissy, what are we gonna do? What are you gonna do?

[Chris]

I don't know. I'm so stressed because normally similar, I like to plan months in advance my Christmas gifts, especially for like my family, my parents. But this year, because of a new web series that I'm shooting, I had to upgrade my camera bodies, which was a ton of money I didn't have.

[Spencer]

That I put on my credit cards.

[Chris]

And like, just like all like a lot of work related stuff I had to buy this year. So normally money that I would have set aside for Christmas I don't have for now. So I'm like, what do I do? And I'm panicking.

[Shane Dawson]

Maybe just hugs.

[Spencer]

Coupon for one free hug.

[Ryland Adams]

And it's a long one. Ten seconds. Plus releases, endorsement.

[Shane Dawson]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

You show the footage of you hugging Mickey and it's like, I'll hug you this long.

[Shane Dawson]

Yeah. So that's my anxiety. And if anybody has any ideas for like a new good Christmas gift that like, that would be something good. Please leave me a comment and help me. I love giving gifts. It really is my. My love language. It is my favorite thing. I hate getting them. It's like the worst thing in the whole world. I want to die every time I have to open a present front of somebody. But I love giving them.

[Chris]

I relate so much, so much to you.

[Spencer]

So you guys shouldn't give each other gifts?

[Chris]

No, because we love giving though. You don't have to open it in front of me.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay. Don't Open in front of me either.

[Ryland Adams]

But I do think we've set the standard a little too high across the board. We could just lower our standard.

[Shane Dawson]

You can't pretend that you don't like giving gifts when every time I give you a good one, you get hard.

[Ryland Adams]

Not in front of the podcast.

[Marshall's Advertiser]

You are.

[Spencer]

You are fun to give a gift to.

[Jared]

Whoa, whoa.

[Spencer]

Not to think it's hard.

[Ryland Adams]

Just.

[Spencer]

He's like, these are just love. That was a vaccination. I remember one time I saw. I got, like, croc nuts or something. I just thought I was like, oh, look at these run. And Rylan, oh, my God. And it wasn't even, like, your birthday. I was like, I get why Shane loves giving you gifts so much.

[Shane Dawson]

Well, speaking of the gift that keeps on giving, guys, we have a game. But before we get to the game, let me talk about another gift that could potentially keep on giving. The gift of a website. That's right. Today's episode is sponsored by Squarespace.

[Jared]

That was good.

[Shane Dawson]

Thank you.

[Jared]

I had no idea where we were going with that.

[Shane Dawson]

Thank you. Well, if you don't know where you're going and you need to figure out where you're going, you could go to a website, but you're looking for a website that maybe doesn't exist. Maybe you're looking for a website specifically about the hottest Hot Wheels available now, but there's no sites about that. You gotta make it yourself. Well, it's so easy to do with Squarespace, guys, if you don't know about it already. I've talked about them before. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online.

[Ryland Adams]

If you're Jared, not only can you have the website about Hot Wheels, you could sell the Hot Wheels.

[Shane Dawson]

Oh, okay. Yes. So there's so many different options that Squarespace gives you. Things that make it really easy for you to start a business. You can sell content. So say, for example, you want to sell videos about your favorite Hot Wheels. You could literally make videos, put them on your Squarespace website, put them behind a paywall, set whatever price you want, and sell them.

[Jared]

It can't be that easy.

[Chris]

Have you tried making a website from scratch? It's actually so complicated. If you're as stupid as I am impossible. And I used Squarespace, and now I have a cinematography and an acting website that look professional.

[Shane Dawson]

Yes. Wait, what is it? What's the website?

[Chris]

One's crispystation.net or com I should remember. I don't. But one's specifically the acting Crispy the actor and one's crispy station.

[Ryland Adams]

I think I have rylandadams.com with Squarespace, period.

[Shane Dawson]

Whoa. And I bet they're so beautiful and personalized. You know why? Because with Squarespace, you can personalize. I mean, yes, they have templates you can drag and drop and just drag your picture and pick a color scheme, but you could also do whatever you want. Like, they make it so easy for you to personalize your website so it doesn't look like everything else out there. They also can help you with email campaigns, which is huge. If you're a small business and you need to reach your customers, maybe you have a new product, a new hot wheel, a new video, whatever it is. With Squarespace, you can use your email campaigns, and you can reach your customers fast. And also analytics, if you want to know more about who's visiting your website, what they're doing on your website, what they're enjoying the most. Squarespace gives you all the analytics. You can look through those for hours. Chris, how many people are going to your website and just staring at you for hours and hours and hours?

[Chris]

I honestly thought none, because I'm just sending it to the occasional, like, casting director or whatever, but, like, it's probably, like, a few hundred everywhere.

[Shane Dawson]

All right, well, if you want to make your own website, Squarespace is giving you guys a very special discount. All you got to do is go to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code grower to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com grower. To get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Jared]

Grow your business today.

[Spencer]

Whoa.

[Jared]

That was good.

[Shane Dawson]

That was good.

[Jared]

Clapping for myself. Yeah.

[Shane Dawson]

Deserve to clap. So thank you so much, Squarespace. We appreciate you. And, yeah, make a website. Have some fun. Okay, time for the game, guys. This is something. I don't think we've done this in, like, a year. Maybe since last Christmas I might. When I gave you my heart and then the very next day you tore it apart this year oh, things are gonna be different Is that the word? Is that an angry song?

[Chris]

Save me from tears I'll give it to someone's best.

[Shane Dawson]

Wait, that's a sad song.

[Chris]

It's really sad.

[Shane Dawson]

And I'm always bopping to it. Okay, it is time for Christmas, Master debater. That's right. I know. We should have done this for Thanksgiving, because then it could have been mast. Turkey debater.

[Spencer]

Oh, yeah. That would have been good.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay, Spencer, do you want to break down how Master Debater works?

[Spencer]

Well, thanks, Shane. You're on Master Debater. We have five categories, and each round a different member of the podcast is going to be the judge for that category. So we have some Christmas themed categories today. An example would be like, what's the best size Christmas tree? That's a terrible one. But that's an example.

[Ryland Adams]

I think that's necessary, that question.

[Spencer]

Okay, well, that's an example and then everyone will give an answer and then we're going to have a chance to debate and everyone's going to try to convince the judge of that round to pick their answer. And the person they pick is going to win that round.

[Ryland Adams]

I would say 12ft. And if your house doesn't. If your house doesn't allow, then nine.

[Shane Dawson]

What are you living in a church?

[Spencer]

Well, that's Trigger Alley, the Christmas. I almost. I was thinking about this the other day. We got the Christmas tree for the office is. We used to go and just cut it down in the woods because it's like. Just woods.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah, because you're.

[Spencer]

But it was always the worst day. It was so stressful. And one time when I was a little kid, we were just like dragged it into the house and then we found out the dog had pooped right in front of the door. And so we dragged the tree through the whole house through and dragged shit everywhere and then put it up and it was like, why does it stink? And then we looked on the backside, it was covered in shit. That's a real Trigger Alley of Christmas.

[Ryland Adams]

Did you have to take it back outside and spray it with the hose?

[Spencer]

We just threw it. It was just like, let's. It was. I just remember that being like, you know. You know those days where, like, everyone's a little on edge and it's like, I'm gonna go hang out in my room for a little bit. Everyone's a little too on edge today.

[Ryland Adams]

Go to the Christmas tree farm.

[Spencer]

Anyway, does anyone want to host first?

[Shane Dawson]

I kind of do myself. Okay.

[Spencer]

Shane is our first host. In Shane's category is the worst gift card to receive on Christmas.

[Shane Dawson]

What do you think is the worst gift card you could receive for Christmas? I want you guys to convince me.

[Spencer]

All right, let's go around and say our answers and then we can open the.

[Shane Dawson]

The court.

[Spencer]

Open the court. Yeah. So Jared said, fantastic. Sam's.

[Jared]

Do I need to say more?

[Shane Dawson]

Come on. Yeah.

[Chris]

Chris said Sears, because there's like two left.

[Spencer]

So if you got. You guys are kind of your opening Statements. Spencer said jack in the box. And Ryland said Subway.

[Marshall's Advertiser]

Every holiday shopper's got a list. But Ross shoppers, you've got a mission. Like a gift run that turns into a disco snow globe, throw pillows and PJs for the whole family. Dog included. At Ross, holiday magic isn't about spending more. It's about giving more for less. Ross, work your magic.

[Shane Dawson]

Oh, think about it. All right?

[Spencer]

The court is open.

[Ryland Adams]

You're at the grocery store. You forgot that you didn't get your friend a gift. You're headed to their house right now. You're looking at the millions of options. And nothing says I hate you like giving. Like it's a crime to reach your hand out and pick up up the subway. Are you kidding me? That's like telling your best friend you.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay, Your best friend Lizzie is obsessed with her hamstring.

[Ryland Adams]

She likes Jersey, Mike. So just.

[Spencer]

I'm piggybacking that argument. But just replace it with Jack in the Box.

[Shane Dawson]

At least.

[Ryland Adams]

Jack in the box is like when you're super wasted and you're like, on your way home, just, here you go.

[Shane Dawson]

Yeah, you're gonna have a tough fight because you picked the wrong judge for this. Yeah, I love Jack of the box.

[Spencer]

I didn't like Jack.

[Chris]

Food gift cards are practicing practical.

[Ryland Adams]

Subway.

[Chris]

It's practical.

[Ryland Adams]

No Sears. Guys, Sears is going out of business so you can get discount appliances. That's right.

[Chris]

They don't exist.

[Shane Dawson]

No.

[Jared]

You can. Let me take you guys back to when I was 17. I had a full head of hair at the time. I was able to make it snow on command very easily. I had an hour long process in the morning because my hair was what I had going for me. I was spiking, make it look good. But at the time, I was going to Supercuts, but I realized a fantastic Sam's was a little bit closer. So I went there. I got my haircut. I hadn't really looked at myself. I wasn't a big fan of when they gave me the mirror. And it's like, look at all your bad angles. Right?

[Shane Dawson]

It's okay.

[Jared]

Yeah, it looks good. Just get me out of here. And as I'm leaving Fantastic Sam's, two people that I knew were skateboarding by. And before even saying hello to me, they're like, oh, dude. Yeah, I went there last week and they fucked my hair up too. Before I had even looked at my hair, I had been informed that this warranted a response of I feel you. They fucked my hair up too. Now for me to give that as a gift to anybody is almost like, yeah, Subway, you know? Okay, that's maybe kind of bad, but this is saying, I hate you and I want you to look stupid.

[Spencer]

Oh, wow.

[Jared]

So, I mean, yeah, you got jerking a burks and, you know, whatever, but.

[Chris]

I think that's the worst to try to defend myself. Okay. I think you are either getting free food.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay.

[Chris]

Free haircuts, or having having to fly to another state to find one of two Sears that still exists.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, no. You could use it online, babes. Sears Online, Sears.com right to your doorstep.

[Shane Dawson]

I'm about to give my verdict, but please feel free in the comments to let us know what you think is the answer for you. For me, personally, where's my gavel?

[Chris]

I think I know.

[Shane Dawson]

Oh, my God, Jared's so cute. Okay, I'm gonna use you as my gavel.

[Jared]

Perfect.

[Shane Dawson]

I'm gonna say the worst gift card that you could ever receive ever is fantastic.

[Spencer]

Sa.

[Shane Dawson]

I.

[Jared]

Sorry. This is performative, brother, making it so easy to win with that one. But I also want to say you're welcome to all the people out there that might have been thinking about getting a fantastic Sam's gift card for somebody they actually care about.

[Ryland Adams]

Maybe you should go to law school.

[Spencer]

That was a really good argument.

[Ryland Adams]

Your argument was good.

[Jared]

You know, when you bring real life into it, it's hard not to relate with it.

[Chris]

The moment you said Fantastic Sam's, I.

[Ryland Adams]

Was like, oh, did I lose you when I said I also like spicy Italian sandwiches?

[Spencer]

Well, because Jared won that round. Jared, you want to host the next round?

[Jared]

I would love to.

[Spencer]

So Jared's round, the debate topic is the most overrated Christmas food Or.

[Jared]

Okay, talk about triggering. Come on over.

[Shane Dawson]

Keto and.

[Jared]

Okay, but I'm ready. I'm ready.

[Spencer]

You gotta use your imagination for this.

[Jared]

I do.

[Spencer]

Chris, you said candy canes. Shane said mashed potatoes, Spencer said eggnog, and Rylan said Christmas ham.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay. And also my. I love him, but also mine with no gravy. No gravy.

[Spencer]

Okay. Dry.

[Jared]

So just paste.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay.

[Jared]

Nasty mashed potatoes.

[Ryland Adams]

Can I switch mine to. To fruitcake?

[Shane Dawson]

No, no.

[Spencer]

My issue with fruitcake is it's not. Everyone says it's terrible. It's not overrated.

[Ryland Adams]

It's like, yeah, but why are you ever buying it?

[Spencer]

I'm not.

[Jared]

I don't even. Do fruitcakes really exist? I feel like it's just a joke thing people say, like, oh, yeah, gonna.

[Shane Dawson]

Get him a fruitcake? I have no idea. But I will say a pan. A Pan cantoni.

[Spencer]

Oh, those are good.

[Shane Dawson]

I didn't even.

[Jared]

I don't think I've ever seen a fruitcake in the flesh.

[Shane Dawson]

Those are so mashed potatoes. Let me just say this.

[Ryland Adams]

You don't like them.

[Shane Dawson]

I do not understand the hype around mashed potatoes. They are dry. They are boring.

[Jared]

Not always.

[Shane Dawson]

It is like nothing. They are paste. They go so fast. Your two bites, they're gone.

[Jared]

And then you gotta get more.

[Shane Dawson]

And now you're sick later because you ate so much of it because it wasn't really filling up your stomach with no gravy. They are literally pointless.

[Ryland Adams]

Has your chef not met Butterfly?

[Shane Dawson]

No. Butter does not help, but in general, I think potatoes are overrated. I know that's not part of my argument, but a baked potato with nothing on it. Boring. Nothing tastes like a shoe. Mashed potatoes just tastes like a bunch of shoes in a blender. So that's my pitch. That's my argument. And it's unsalted. Unsalted, dry mashed potatoes.

[Jared]

You are painting a vivid picture of something that sounds disgusting.

[Ryland Adams]

I will give you.

[Jared]

I do love mashed potatoes when done right. That's not what you're describing right now.

[Shane Dawson]

Oh, no.

[Jared]

You're describing powder in a packet mixed with water clumped on my plate. And it doesn't sound good.

[Shane Dawson]

So. But I'm also talking about the people that accidentally leave the skin in there, and now there's little chunkies in it.

[Chris]

Oh, I love that.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah, me too.

[Shane Dawson]

So. Or am I talking about the mix?

[Jared]

That's an element that I don't mind. A little bit of texture.

[Shane Dawson]

I'm talking about that. But tell us a mix.

[Jared]

The mix.

[Chris]

Yuck.

[Spencer]

Well, when you think of Christmas, what's something that comes around? It's in the grocery stores. You start seeing everywhere. It's eggnog.

[Jared]

That thick. Distillery.

[Spencer]

Disgusting. Creamy.

[Ryland Adams]

Happy. Do you need to try some as an adult?

[Shane Dawson]

Have you ever tried any?

[Spencer]

Yeah, I've had it.

[Ryland Adams]

We have some in the fridge.

[Spencer]

Have a glass. Do you want another? No. You feel sick and full and you want to shit your pants.

[Ryland Adams]

Add whiskey, though.

[Spencer]

But it's always too much. It's always too rich. You can never have more than a little bit. And then you have a thing in your fridge. It's, like, going to go bad. And then it's like, what is this?

[Shane Dawson]

What do we do?

[Ryland Adams]

I do it. Yeah, you just don't like dessert.

[Jared]

I got to be honest, eggnog's never gone bad in my household. I love eggnog.

[Shane Dawson]

I love eggnog.

[Jared]

I don know what the hell it is, but I love it.

[Shane Dawson]

Is it keto?

[Jared]

It. It better be keto. This year there better be a keto. Gluten free, fat free, no artificial sweetener, eggnog out there. If there isn't, make one so I could have it.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, my gosh. Eggnog flavored ice cream.

[Shane Dawson]

All right, I get it.

[Spencer]

I get it. It was a bad pick.

[Jared]

I might be able to drink eggnog in the car with somebody making it snow.

[Spencer]

Oh, my God.

[Jared]

I might be able to look past the snow.

[Shane Dawson]

You could drag. You could drag a Christmas tree covered in right in front of me and I'm drinking that eggnog.

[Ryland Adams]

All right, all right.

[Spencer]

Let's hear Chris.

[Chris]

Okay, so to me, a candy cane is something that visually is pretty. It looks like Christmas, it feels like Christmas, but the act of eating them sucks. Like, the bend sucks. They break off. They stab you. It comes in a pack of a billion. You never finish them. They're not as good as they look at all whatsoever. It's definitely overrated. I'm not saying they're terrible. We're talking about overrated. These are overrated, period.

[Jared]

Are you talking about generic candy canes? Are we able to integrate like rainbow candy canes with delicious flavor profiles?

[Chris]

I think generic.

[Shane Dawson]

Generic.

[Chris]

Generic.

[Spencer]

Okay, well, that's not actually what it says here. It just says candy cane. So I think it's all. I think.

[Shane Dawson]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Did Shane say packet in the description?

[Shane Dawson]

Listen, as much as I don't want to defend my competition, candy canes are gross.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah, they're not gross, but they're overrated.

[Shane Dawson]

I was so mad when I submitted my answer because my answer is candy cane. And Spencer's like, Chris already took that one.

[Spencer]

Oh, I know.

[Shane Dawson]

Candy canes are gross. Although the nerds candy canes this year.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, imagine this. You come to our house on Christmas.

[Jared]

I'm there.

[Ryland Adams]

You know that.

[Shane Dawson]

I know.

[Ryland Adams]

Hey, Jared. Welcome. Welcome in. Welcome in.

[Shane Dawson]

Welcome.

[Jared]

Thank you for having me. We're so happy to be here.

[Ryland Adams]

I made the ham again.

[Jared]

Wait, wait, is that what I'm smelling?

[Ryland Adams]

It's really. Yeah, it's really flavorless and it's dry. And you know what? The only place open right now is Denny's. So, like, I'll get their ham as a backup. Oh, it's here. It's really dry and disgusting too.

[Shane Dawson]

No, it's not.

[Jared]

So I don't know why you're dragging Denny's in this, but not winning me points.

[Ryland Adams]

You guys are all liking that fat.

[Spencer]

Rant I love everything about ham.

[Chris]

Oh, me too.

[Shane Dawson]

Me too.

[Spencer]

Me and Lizzie could go have a ham salad right now.

[Ryland Adams]

You guys are disgusting.

[Jared]

We don't have to mix lettuce into this. Keep it meat, you know?

[Spencer]

Yeah, yeah, I agree, actually.

[Jared]

Okay, well, I've taken everything everyone said into consideration, obviously. Spencer, I love eggnog. Shane, I feel you. There are ways in which the mashed potatoes you described sound utterly disgusting. Ryland. Ham's kind of gross. But, Chris, I will agree that if someone just gave me some candy canes on Christmas, I would feel incredibly disappointed, and they would immediately be re gifted to somebody who would probably be disappointed as well. I have to return my candy canes for Jared. I'm gonna have to give this one to Chris.

[Spencer]

Yeah, I agree.

[Shane Dawson]

I agree.

[Ryland Adams]

Good job, Chris. Well, congrats.

[Spencer]

We have another new winner, so I think it's your time to host. Okay, and your question was. Which celebrity would make the hottest Santa Claus? So Jared went with Adam Sandler.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, yeah.

[Spencer]

Shane went with O' Shea Jackson Jr. Ice Cube, son.

[Chris]

That's almost like, did you know Chris?

[Ryland Adams]

That's almost like, had I known Chris was the judge, this would be completely different.

[Spencer]

I went with Kevin James. Oh, I guess I just picked a random celebrity.

[Jared]

Ooh, this is.

[Spencer]

And then you all know it was me. Rylan went with Chris Pratt. Santa Daddy, always.

[Jared]

I almost wanna just gracefully bow out of this one. My only saving grace was going to be that Adam Sandler might bring Kevin.

[Spencer]

Kevin James.

[Jared]

Kevin James as, like, a sidekick, a sexy elf, per se.

[Ryland Adams]

I feel like Spencer's kicked out of the game for being privy to knowing who the judge was gonna be.

[Spencer]

I' I lost the last two so bad.

[Chris]

He needs the.

[Spencer]

I need the bump.

[Shane Dawson]

I'm just gonna say my pitch. Okay, okay. O' Shea Jackson Jr. That's the pitch.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, God.

[Shane Dawson]

Obviously an icon, a great actor, somebody you've never seen. Don the Christmas outfit. There hasn't been a Santa that young.

[Chris]

And that hot, fine, sexy, gorgeous wife.

[Shane Dawson]

Yeah, you did the case for me. Somebody who. An awesome. Also somebody who comes from royalty. Ice Cube. We all love him. Legend. Are we there yet? I don't know. Are we, Chris? Yes. Brilliant actor, brilliant Santa. My pitch is complete.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay. You're trying to get in the Christmas spirit, and you're just like, oh, you know who would just really grow my tent? And it's none other than Chris Pratt. Three years out from any superhero movie. So we're like, a little thicker. He's coming to your door.

[Shane Dawson]

Why are you trying to fuck Chris Pratt in front of me.

[Ryland Adams]

Why is this a prompt? You open your door, tell me your breath isn't taken away a little bit by, like, Chris Pratt. A little bit chubby.

[Chris]

You're selling it?

[Ryland Adams]

Not just.

[Shane Dawson]

And hold on. Are you. Is he. Are you making Chris Pratt chubby for Chris or for you?

[Ryland Adams]

You Both.

[Spencer]

Well, Chris Pratt's standing at your doorstep.

[Shane Dawson]

Boing.

[Spencer]

Who bounces him? Out of the way. It's your favorite. It's Kev. He says, hey, Chris.

[Chris]

Oh, he said my name. He knows my name.

[Spencer]

Oh, yeah, he knows you.

[Shane Dawson]

You guys are.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, got him.

[Spencer]

Oh, God, he doesn't even know you. He wants you. But he's also Santa. Need I say more?

[Shane Dawson]

No, this is.

[Spencer]

And he's friends with Adam Sandler.

[Chris]

Oh, no, this.

[Spencer]

He can bring Adam Sandler.

[Ryland Adams]

You actually really sold me on Adam Sandler as Santa, too.

[Chris]

I do love Sandler.

[Jared]

Well, Santa is about giving gifts, you know, maybe not himself as the gift, but imagine what Adam Sandler would be offering you as a gift. You're now welcome into his universe. You could be in every movie that he makes. Oh, Happy Gilmore 3 is coming out. Gonna be the biggest movie of 2028.

[Ryland Adams]

Chris will make sure.

[Jared]

Would you like to do that? This is my gift to you.

[Spencer]

Kevin James will suck your dick.

[Chris]

You win.

[Jared]

Yes. Busting a nut will last for mere minutes. That is great. KE James will offer fellatio, but I'm talking about the gift that will keep on giving for years and years. When happy go more. 5, 6, 7, 8, 10. Come out. You will be a part of it.

[Spencer]

We need an answer. We need an answer.

[Chris]

God, this is. This is so difficult. This is the hardest decision I've ever.

[Spencer]

You got to make it okay.

[Chris]

All right, all right. I'm going with.

[Ryland Adams]

He didn't even do anything.

[Jared]

Shane literally didn't just pick the perfect.

[Shane Dawson]

I didn't have to.

[Chris]

Oh, my gosh.

[Shane Dawson]

You know, some things are just a no brainer. You know what else is a no brainer?

[Chris]

What?

[Shane Dawson]

Getting your credit up using Kickoff. That's right. Don't go anywhere. We're about to talk about something very, very serious. And while we talk about this, Chris is gonna be visualizing his night with O' Shea Jackson Jr. So just check him out while I'm talking. Oh, he's ready. It's about to kick off. It really is, guys. If you don't already know, I've talked about Kickoff before. Kickoff is the number one credit building app on the App Store. Having good credit is so important. I can't even Tell you how many times my credit's been run and I was trying to get a loan for, you know, a house or a car, and then something would pop up on there and it would be a disaster and be like, oh my God. And they'd say, sorry, your credit's not good enough. And then I have to try to build it back up and it takes forever. So luckily, Kickoff is here to help. It is so easy to use. You can sign up in minutes.

[Chris]

Oh, sorry, what?

[Shane Dawson]

Oh, no. Keep going. And Kickoff will help you get your credit up fast. Plans start at just $5 a month with no hidden fees, no credit check. It is simple. It is so easy. And users with credit score under 600 grew an average of 84 points in their first year with on time payments. So the way it works is with autopay. Credit bureaus see the autopay as good behavior. Your credit builds fast. There's over 1 million users and hundreds of of thousands of positive reviews. And that's why Kickoff is a number one credit builder app on the App Store. They're going to help your credit survive during this holiday season. And for a limited time only, they're going to give you your first month for free. They've never done this deal with our podcast before, so they're doing it very special for the holidays. All you got to do is go to getkickoff.com Shane and get your first month for free. That's getk I K-O-F.com Shane is there.

[Jared]

Really a better way to kick off the new year? Whoa, I'm clapping. I'm clapping.

[Shane Dawson]

Must sign up via getkickoff.com Shane to ActivateOffer offer applies to new Kickoff customers. First month only. Subject to approval Offer subject to change average first year credit score impact of plus 84 points. Vantage score 3.0 between January 2023 and January 2024. For kickoff credit account users who started with a score below 600, who paid on time, and who had no delinquencies or collections added to their credit profile during the period. Late payments may negatively impact your credit score. Individual results maybe. So check it out. Go to getkickoff.com Shane have them help get your credit up. And really, it is such an important thing to do, especially around the holidays. Get yourself set up for the next year and yeah, thank you so much, Kickoff. Chris, how are you doing over there?

[Chris]

Great. The best I've ever.

[Shane Dawson]

You really kicked off, didn't you? Okay, really quick. Before we move on to the next round, does anybody notice anything different where did Steve on a couch go? The new elf on his shelf.

[Chris]

Where did he go?

[Shane Dawson]

I think he's over on Sally.

[Ryland Adams]

He loves riding Sally.

[Shane Dawson]

He is. So. Okay, should we integrate Steve into our kids lives like soon? Cause you know, elf on a shelf, it is a cute idea, but what is it?

[Spencer]

Steve on a. Steve on a steed.

[Jared]

I mean.

[Shane Dawson]

Oh, a horse.

[Jared]

Steve on a tree.

[Spencer]

Steve on a. Steve in a tree.

[Jared]

Steve on his sleeve. Maybe you can like put on your shirt.

[Ryland Adams]

Can't we just do Steve on a shelf?

[Spencer]

Yeah, that's probably the easiest.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay, next round.

[Spencer]

Okay, we have two rounds left. So my question is, what is the worst thing you could ask Santa for? Okay, Jared said a meth pipe.

[Ryland Adams]

That's pretty bad.

[Spencer]

I mean, Chris said the sweet release of death. Jeez.

[Chris]

Not a good thing to ask him.

[Spencer]

Shane, I don't have your answer. Do you have your answer? While you think about that, Rylan said a night with Mrs. Claus.

[Shane Dawson]

Oh, I have mine.

[Spencer]

Okay.

[Shane Dawson]

Man breasts. Oh, specifically, me and Spencer are terrified of getting man breasts.

[Spencer]

That is a good one.

[Jared]

Guys, it ain't that bad, okay?

[Chris]

Right.

[Jared]

Mine are turning more into packs. But Sandy used to call me sugar tits.

[Shane Dawson]

Oh, she's gonna hate that. I sniffed that.

[Jared]

But it has gone to pecs now.

[Spencer]

Well, yeah, the floor is open, so. That's. That's. That's.

[Ryland Adams]

When is.

[Jared]

When is the last time you bought a meth pipe, Spencer?

[Spencer]

God, it's been a while. I don't think I ever have, actually.

[Jared]

Yeah, so why would you want one of those?

[Spencer]

That's a good point. That's a very good point.

[Jared]

Case closed.

[Ryland Adams]

And why would you want a night with Mrs. Claus when you know that would wreck a marriage? It just seems like.

[Jared]

Come on, milk and cookies.

[Ryland Adams]

Log on to Tinder and find somebody.

[Spencer]

It's not that easy.

[Shane Dawson]

But what if Santa's a cuck? What if he's a Santa?

[Ryland Adams]

Just get on Grindr.

[Shane Dawson]

Anybody be gay for a day for cuckmas. Here's what I'm gonna say for mine. Santa is magic and he can do anything you ask for. And if you ask for man breasts, he will give them to you. And you can't. I mean, that's. Listen, I've had man breasts before. I am always right there. I'm right at the line. Two Taco Bell orders and I can't wear a T shirt anymore. I have to wear something with pattern, which is what I'm wearing today. So I'm just gonna say this.

[Spencer]

This.

[Shane Dawson]

It's a lot. Although now that I'M hearing Ryland is into chubby men. I'm feeling a little bit less scared. Wait, can I just say one thing? That's gonna be contradictory. I don't know if that's a word. No, we got it. Thank you. It's a word. If any of our audience has man breasts. Now I feel bad because I don't want to make you feel sad about it.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, it's a condition.

[Shane Dawson]

Rylan likes them now, so it's okay.

[Spencer]

Now you can have them.

[Ryland Adams]

You don't think I used to like them?

[Shane Dawson]

I will say this. Did you used to grab me? Could you grab my breast? Recently?

[Ryland Adams]

If you're in a gay relationship, you could titty, and that might be nice.

[Spencer]

Well, unfortunately for me.

[Jared]

Yeah, I think we're forgetting who the judge is.

[Shane Dawson]

Shout out all man breasts of all sizes. Anybody that's watching this podcast who has man breasts. We love them. Hey, sugar tits. I'm just saying.

[Chris]

I will say all of these things. You know, they're bad to different extensions. Nothing is as bad as death, period.

[Ryland Adams]

The end.

[Chris]

That is the worst possible thing there is.

[Jared]

I mean, Spencer, you get the meth pipe, you smoke on it for a few days, all of your teeth are gone, You've lost so much weight that you're skeletal at that point. You're walking around, you're just feening for it. You'll do whatever you need to do to get it.

[Shane Dawson]

I don't know.

[Jared]

That sounds worse than some things still alive.

[Chris]

A chance to redeem themselves.

[Shane Dawson]

Aww.

[Spencer]

So deep.

[Shane Dawson]

I love that movie.

[Jared]

No, you're too deep in the meth hole, okay? There's no coming back.

[Ryland Adams]

What does he think?

[Spencer]

Well, let's just say, hmm, let's think the Mrs. Claus is going down the wrong way. Because I think I would like the thrill of cheating, of having the most exclusive lady on Earth. You know what I mean? Famously married, famously partnered. She probably doesn't run into anybody. So, you know what I mean?

[Jared]

Like, you'll be giving her the South Pole.

[Shane Dawson]

I was literally just gonna say that.

[Jared]

I think it's actually the North Pole.

[Shane Dawson]

No, but the South Pole means her body. What?

[Jared]

Yeah, and the North Pole, you'd be, you know, in her North Pole. Give her the North Pole, Santa could.

[Shane Dawson]

Give her the North Pole, and you give her the south.

[Jared]

It could be a Christmas tree.

[Steve Hartley]

Yes.

[Shane Dawson]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Okay.

[Spencer]

That sounds awesome.

[Jared]

So, I mean, obviously, I think we all know violent didn't win.

[Spencer]

Well, sorry. I would like to have a threesome with Santa and Mrs. Claus. Wow.

[Shane Dawson]

Period.

[Ryland Adams]

I think.

[Spencer]

And this is not meant to offend anybody, but if you. If I'm thinking about asking Santa for something, I could find a meth pipe. As we've seen in cheats. But I've never once wished. And I would. With his magical powers, I wouldn't want to just wake up Christmas morning with man breasts. I would like it to be of my own. If I'm gonna get man this, at least I get to eat good stuff to get it. If, like spirits. Yeah, exactly. If I wish for them, then I. Then it's just. Then I just get them and then.

[Ryland Adams]

It'S a bad wish.

[Shane Dawson]

Then what?

[Spencer]

Then I have to get a bra.

[Ryland Adams]

Sleeping with Mrs. Claus seems like a good wish.

[Spencer]

Yeah, that would be fun.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Jared]

This is a fantasy for most.

[Shane Dawson]

The worst.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, the worst thing.

[Spencer]

Yeah, it was.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah. Okay, well, I'm getting confused.

[Spencer]

Well, anyway, I pick shit.

[Jared]

I pick shit.

[Ryland Adams]

Come on, sugar tits.

[Spencer]

Oh my God.

[Shane Dawson]

Too much moved when I woo.

[Spencer]

Okay, let's also just say this summer I was wearing T shirts as well.

[Shane Dawson]

We all were, babe.

[Ryland Adams]

Thank God it's Carton.

[Shane Dawson]

We all were.

[Spencer]

Yeah, thank God. It's getting cold again. Well, Rylan, your category is the best gift to give someone that would break the bank.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, I see why I was chosen for this.

[Spencer]

Chris said a new car like a Yara. Spencer said a butler. Shane said big diamond earrings. And Jared said a Hot Wheels 2008 Modern Classics 83 Silverado okay, you don't know your audience.

[Jared]

I was a little confused about how this game, you know.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, yeah, well, how much is that even running for?

[Jared]

I mean, here. Here's the thing. A 2008 Modern Classics 83 Silverado six months ago was going for $400.

[Spencer]

Wow.

[Jared]

Today $800. And with the releases coming out in 2026 for this casting, it could go upwards of multi thousands we're talking.

[Ryland Adams]

So this is money could buy.

[Jared]

This is a good investment. I'm just saying other things depreciate. They get lost. They steal.

[Spencer]

A butler is performing professional a butler.

[Steve Hartley]

Meet the computer you can talk to with Copilot on Windows working, creating and collaborating is as easy as talking.

[Shane Dawson]

Got writer's block.

[Steve Hartley]

Share your screen with Copilot Vision to help spark inspiration and use Copilot voice to have a conversation and brainstorm ideas. Or maybe you need some tech help with Copilot Vision. Copilot sees what you see. Let Copilot talk you through step by step guidance so you can master new apps, games and skills faster. Try [e-mail] copilot it keeps quiet when.

[Spencer]

They don't need to be in their space, they're waiting in the corner. Oh, what's that? You need me to go get some more air? One for you, Ryland.

[Jared]

Right away.

[Shane Dawson]

Right?

[Spencer]

And they serve it to you on a nice little platter.

[Shane Dawson]

Ryland hates people in the house.

[Ryland Adams]

And that's the thing.

[Spencer]

And they can hang outside and they can hang out.

[Shane Dawson]

Out.

[Ryland Adams]

Then I have to manage the employee. And if there's something about me. I hate managing an employee.

[Spencer]

A good butler is. You don't have to manage it.

[Shane Dawson]

The only thing you're going to have to manage with me is making sure those lobes don't droop too far down. Because these earrings are big.

[Ryland Adams]

These were. These are very nice, but I could go like a couple carrots bigger. I'm not gonna lie.

[Shane Dawson]

And these. Baby, this is a whole carrot section at Erewhon.

[Chris]

Bigger.

[Shane Dawson]

We're talking. They're so big.

[Ryland Adams]

I'm half hard.

[Shane Dawson]

I can tell. Also, can we just say Rylan's not doing anything gross under this blanket. There's so many comments recently about you touching yourself under that blanket. What are you doing?

[Spencer]

I mean, it looks close. Touching his legs.

[Ryland Adams]

I'm wiggling my legs while my hands are in them.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay. Just letting everybody know.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, I kind of like. It would have been more mysterious to just let him run.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay.

[Ryland Adams]

But, yeah, Rylan's jacking off on the Shane Dawson podcast. It's really disturbing.

[Shane Dawson]

Your ears are so heavy. Oh, it hurts because they're just so big. The diamonds, the way they catch the light. You're causing car wrecks. You're sorry. You're sorry. Okay.

[Ryland Adams]

That's a good one.

[Chris]

That is an incredible, incredible gift. But as you said, you have a nice pair already. You do not have a Yaris. And that is the thing. Isn't a yard you wanted, and it doesn't even have to be that. It could be an upgraded model.

[Jared]

Is a Toyota.

[Chris]

Yaris is like a shitty Lamborghini.

[Shane Dawson]

Are we thinking of a Urus?

[Chris]

I don't know how to say it. I did.

[Steve Hartley]

Sorry, Chris.

[Chris]

I didn't know there was a Toyota. That sounded very similar. I meant the Lamborghini, of course.

[Shane Dawson]

I don't know. I feel like all answers were lost, you know? Okay.

[Ryland Adams]

As a gift, then I have to pay for the insurance. I have to pay for the registration. The upkeep is a lot.

[Chris]

No, it's all taken care of.

[Ryland Adams]

Sorry, babes. I'm going with the diamond earrings.

[Spencer]

Quick round cut to earlier in this episode where he said, I'm Done. I don't need any more of that.

[Shane Dawson]

I know. Now he's saying the fucking earrings are too small.

[Jared]

I'll be reminding you in six months what that 2008 Modern Classics 83 Silverado is worth.

[Chris]

And I'm returning your URUS I got for Christmas.

[Shane Dawson]

Well, that was our game of Master Debater Christmas edition. Wow, that was fun. We should play that more.

[Spencer]

Yeah, that was good.

[Ryland Adams]

People really think I'm doing something funky under here.

[Shane Dawson]

Yes. There's literally like whole comments with, like, a bunch of likes, and people are just like, what is Rylan doing under that blanket? Oh, I love it. Well, speaking of gifts, I keep on kidding. You know what the best possible gift that you could give this holiday season is? What's that? No, it's not diamond rings and diamond earrings. No, it's not O' Shea Jackson Jr. Although it's a close up. No, it's not man breasts and no, it's not a Hot Wheels that I forgot the name of.

[Jared]

I'm gonna need some convincing.

[Shane Dawson]

It is Raycon. That's right. Today's episode is sponsored by Raycon. Don't go anywhere. You guys are gonna not want to miss this because this is a huge deal, you guys. Raycon is giving us a very, very special offer because Raycon decided, you know what? Who's been there for us? Who's been loyal, who's been here? Who deserves a good holiday gift? The Shane Dawson podcast viewers. Oh, yeah, they do. It was really weird just using my name in third person. It's an ick.

[Ryland Adams]

It's one of Shane's icks. And so now it's like by proxy, one of my icks, because I'm like, what if I do that? And then my husband hears me doing that and then he's icked out by me and he never wants to sleep with me again, and then I have to find.

[Spencer]

Well, he would never have to hear you say that if he had some.

[Shane Dawson]

Raycon Raycon everyday earbuds, because they have active noise cancellation, but you could have awareness mode. So if I turn on the noise cancellation, but then, like, something happens and Rylan needs my attention, I can be on awareness mode, but usually with Rylan, it's full isolation mode.

[Chris]

I literally have my Raycons on me right now. I carry them with me everywhere that I go. I love them so much, and they're.

[Shane Dawson]

So much more affordable.

[Chris]

Can fit in your pocket.

[Shane Dawson]

Also, I want to tell you a little bit about Raycon's Ascent open earbuds, which sit just outside of your ear canal so that you can clearly hear everything happening around you. They're super lightweight and they actually stay in. They have a multi angular hook which keeps them super secure and it's a totally personalized fit. And they're perfect for running on the treadmill or doing anything physical. They also have 36 hours of battery life so check out the essential open earbuds. They're the perfect holiday gift and all Raycon audio products are up to 20% off with with this holiday season. Just go to buyraycon.com groweropen to save on Raycon Audio products site wide order by December 15th to guarantee delivery by Christmas cause great gifts should show up late. So thank you so much Raycons and thank you Chris for being the perfect model for this ad. I can't believe that was not planned. No, you just whip those out of your pocket.

[Chris]

I have them on me every day, everywhere I go. I love them.

[Shane Dawson]

They're good. And yeah, thank you for sponsoring this episode. But before we jump back into the episode, I also want to give a big shout out to our other sponsor who is DraftKings Casino. Do you feel a chill outside? I bet you do. It's Christmas time. It's the holidays.

[Spencer]

It's a little cold snowing triggered.

[Shane Dawson]

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[Ryland Adams]

Halftime.

[Shane Dawson]

You are literally the only person who watches this podcast and sleeps during the Conspiracy. Most people probably skip to it.

[Ryland Adams]

I know. Crazy. How do we not align? How are we that misaligned, you and I?

[Spencer]

It's a Christmas miracle.

[Shane Dawson]

Wow. That's right. We have so many conspiracies. And I'm ready to lay and put my feet up and listen, because two of these theories are coming from our boys over here. Before we get to that, let's talk about Taco Bell theories. That's right, guys. I love Taco Bell. I don't want drama with them. I have been the spokesperson for Taco Bell a couple times. I really do love Taco Bell, so I'm not coming for them. But I will say I found something out recently. I thought we had covered them all, obviously. Right. The Illuminati sign is, like, kind of in their logo. If you really look at the Taco Bell logo, it kind of looks like an evil eye, like a reptile eye. We've talked about that. We've talked about the fact that they're dong that big bell. There's theories that it symbolizes the end.

[Spencer]

Of the world and the Mountain Dew.

[Shane Dawson]

And the fact that every time Mountain Dew comes out with a new flavor at Taco Bell, something bad happens. So one theory. This is actually kind of interesting. So I've never heard of this movie, the Demolition Man. It's a movie that takes place in the future. And every single restaurant in this movie was Taco Bell, which is kind of crazy. But the theory is that it was corporate predictive programming trying to condition us to accepting that in the future, fast foods might be monopolies. Which, honestly, kind of makes sense, because now, I mean, there are so many fast food places. And I was talking to Ryland about this. We had a little. Little scuffle, if you will. What? Well, I was just like, you know, are we going to be those parents that don't let our kids eat fast food? Or are we going to be those parents that, like, once in a while, like a nugget here and there? And I started thinking about it, and I was like, well, I. I want to Be the fun parent who eats fast food sometimes. Because it was such a big part of my channel childhood, we would go to fast food all the time. You drive down the street, you see so many, and it's, like, fun and exciting. It's nostalgic. But now that parents are against feeding their kids fast food, like, what was your take, Rylan?

[Ryland Adams]

I think every once in a while is fine. I. I don't like. I understand the nostalgia of, like, the play places and the things. I think a couple of things could be true. Like, the ingredients are a lot worse now. And I don't think it's, like, something I want to put on regular rotation, but I think a special occasion. Fine.

[Spencer]

I also think because I grew up in, like, Vermont area where people are super crunchy and, like, no, you know, granola, everything. And the kids who were never allowed.

[Ryland Adams]

To have fast food, then they go nuts.

[Spencer]

They go, like, bingy when they can't get it. Because when they're, like, in, like, first out of the house, it's like, oh, my God, I have a car. I can drive.

[Ryland Adams]

Like, I'm gonna order.

[Spencer]

I'm gonna get five guys every day. Every day. Every day. So it's like, I think you need to, like.

[Ryland Adams]

I think it's a fine line of not making it feel like a special treat.

[Spencer]

Exactly.

[Ryland Adams]

But making it feel normal. Normal and. But so often expected.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Ryland Adams]

Yes.

[Shane Dawson]

That makes sense.

[Chris]

Because it's human nature when you deprive someone of something or tell them they can't have it, they want it more. And, like, everyone I know whose parents were like, don't have candy. They, like, all love candy now. I grew up with my mom having candy just, like, available at all times whenever I wanted in cupboards. And I don't really need candy.

[Shane Dawson]

I just love food. And I don't think our parents had anything to do with it. I think that's genetics, babe.

[Chris]

And I have to be also.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay, so speaking of nostalgia and things that Taco Bell might have been pre planning for, this was actually kind of crazy. So there's a theory that the fourth meal is actually mind control. Okay, so you know Taco Bell, they had those commercials in the early 2000s where it was like, your fourth meal. Taco Bell, 11pm it's midnight snack. No, no, no. It's a fourth meal.

[Ryland Adams]

It's time for fourth meal, the late.

[Shane Dawson]

Night meal between dinner, dinner, and breakfast.

[Ryland Adams]

Heard of the pyramid?

[Shane Dawson]

Check out the square. Well, supposedly it was an experiment in Sarcadian manipulation. Taco Bell ads In the early 2000s were targeted to teenagers with specific audio frequencies and subliminal cues, especially in TV commercials meant to cause cravings after 11pm it wanted to train a new generation's internal clocks to associate hunger with late night eyes hours. I will say this, I will leave this one, because around 11pm after we've already eaten dinner, we're done, babes. We had dinner. We had dessert. We had a little chocolate treat. About 11pm I turned around and I go, are we ordering Taco Bell?

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Shane Dawson]

It's never anything else. It's never McDonald's. I'm too full for that. It's never Jack in the box, even though I love him too. It's just Taco Bell. It's only Taco Bell. Isn't that weird?

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah, right?

[Spencer]

It's funny because they went so far that way. They recently had to have an ad campaign where I think people were only getting it late night. And they had a whole campaign that's like, Taco Bell. You can get it for lunch. They had a whole campaign.

[Ryland Adams]

Like, it is interesting that you can have Taco Bell when you're full, right?

[Shane Dawson]

That's weird, right?

[Ryland Adams]

It still sounds good.

[Spencer]

McDonald's.

[Shane Dawson]

No, no, nothing sounds good when you're, like, bloated to a point of puke.

[Ryland Adams]

And you're like, I can throw back a Taco from Taco Bell.

[Shane Dawson]

Well, this next theory is a right rabbit hole. And I got angry. Guys, let me set the scene. Okay? So dinner comes. We got some, like, chicken and hummus and stuff. And I was like, oh, no, I forgot to get sauce. I open up my drawer and I see a bunch of Taco Bell hot sauces. And I was like, oh, I love Taco Bell hot sauces. It's my favorite. Fire. Are you kidding me? It's fire. So I take out my fire sauce.

[Ryland Adams]

A pack per bite. If you're Shane.

[Shane Dawson]

Thank you. I put it on my little chicken skewer. I take a bottle. Bite. Garbage. What the fuck? Oh, okay. Maybe I got a bad one. Okay, open up another packet. I put it on a bite of my hummus and my little pita. Take a little bite. Oh, yuck. This is disgusting. Tastes so bland. Tastes like nothing. It felt like I had Covid. So then I was like. I started thinking about it, and I was like, you know what else is weird? When you get the bottles of Taco Bell hot sauce at the store. You know, they sell it in the bottles.

[Chris]

I didn't even know they had a bottle.

[Shane Dawson]

They. But every time I. And I've multiple times I've bought a bottle of this, thinking it's going to change my life. Because I'm like, well, you know, in times where I don't want to eat Taco Bell, we'll get the Taco Bell sauce and I'll pour it on my chicken or my homemade tacos or whatever. Always disgusting. So then I was like, well, it has to be made by a different manufacturer. It can't be made by Taco Bell. There's no way. It's disgusting on everything. But then I realized something. What if Taco Bell sauce is only good on Taco Bell? But that doesn't sense. Make sense, right? So I Google it. Mr. Google gave me an answer that I didn't want to hear, but an answer I needed to hear. Taco Bell sauces are designed specifically to match their very specific ingredients, especially the seasoned beef tortillas and cheese blend. The sauces are fairly mild with a tangy vinegar base and just enough salt to complement their already very salty, fatty, unami heavy food. When you put their sauce on something else, like homemade tacos or eggs, that balance disappears and the sauce can taste thin, vinegary, and odd. Literally. Wow. They, they designed this sauce to taste specifically good with only their food. And when you try it with other food, try it at home. If you have any sauce laying around. If you try it with other food, it is not just disgusting, it is like revolting. And I think this was their plan, right? Because I'm eating my chicken, right? And I put the hot sauce on it. I try. I'm like, oh, gross. But what I was thinking was, should I just order Taco Bell?

[Spencer]

Oh, that's why they give you so many sauces.

[Shane Dawson]

They give you so many sauces cuz they want you to have a drawer full of them. So that every time you eat your homemade taco or whatever that you spend so much time on, and then you try and you're like, this sucks. Now I want Taco Bell.

[Ryland Adams]

And that becomes your fourth meal.

[Shane Dawson]

Isn't that crazy?

[Ryland Adams]

Crazy.

[Shane Dawson]

I feel like it's kind of great. Because other restaurants don't do that, right? McDonald's has ketchup. It's just ketchup. Or like every other chick fil a can't.

[Jared]

Sweet and sour sauce is good on anything. Everywhere.

[Shane Dawson]

Good on anything. Are you kidding me? The barbecue sauce at McDonald's, I would pour that on my gooch.

[Ryland Adams]

What is a gooch between your and your penis?

[Shane Dawson]

I think I don't have a but.

[Ryland Adams]

And girls don't have that.

[Shane Dawson]

No, they don't.

[Spencer]

Have a gooch.

[Shane Dawson]

Well, they don't need a whole row. They just have a little. A little gooch. A little corner.

[Spencer]

Yeah, it's a little roundabout.

[Shane Dawson]

And roundabout.

[Ryland Adams]

It's just like a patch of skin.

[Shane Dawson]

See, I don't know. I thought that was kind of crazy. Like, I know that sounds dumb, but it made everything make sense. And then it pissed me off because. And I love you, Taco Bell. But the amount of people that buy that bottle of that Taco Bell sauce at. At the store thinking it's going to.

[Ryland Adams]

Fix their disgusting, thinking it's going to.

[Shane Dawson]

Make it taste like Taco Bell, but it only tastes good with Taco Bell. I have had multiple of those bottles throughout my life. Rot in my fridge because I get so excited at the idea of making my own Crunch Wraps and using the Taco Bell sauce, and then it tastes like fucking garbage.

[Ryland Adams]

Can you prove it?

[Shane Dawson]

Well, we were going to, and then we felt bad because Jared's doing the keto thing and I didn't want to do it again.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah, fine.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay. Well, speaking of things that pissed me off, this next theory is something that you guys have been emailing a lot about about. And I don't want to talk about it because what's going to piss me off is how much Ryland's going to want one. This is the new Neo house robot. Let's take a look at the commercial for this bad boy.

[Spencer]

We built the chores feature to give you your time back. You give your Neo a list of chores. You schedule a time that you want them done so that you can focus on what matters to you while your Neo does the rest. You can schedule chores by either talking to your Neo Neo or using the app. The way it works is you schedule a time that works best for you.

[Shane Dawson]

I hate those.

[Spencer]

Create a list of chores. Whether it's something more specific these days or something more general like tidying the house, your Neo will get it done at the scheduled time. If there are any chores that your Neo hasn't learned how to do autonomously, you can use expert mode to have an expert from 1x supervise the test and provide corrective intervention to help Neo complete any task. It's creepy.

[Shane Dawson]

Is that its point of view?

[Spencer]

Yep. Its eyes are cameras.

[Chris]

Ew. Imagine when it kills you and it's from that angle.

[Shane Dawson]

If people are fucking Spirit Halloween.

[Spencer]

Yeah, True animatronics.

[Shane Dawson]

Poor little Neo's gonna.

[Jared]

There's no way 90% of people buying these aren't getting hand jobs from it.

[Shane Dawson]

Oh, my God.

[Ryland Adams]

Is that cheating?

[Shane Dawson]

Yes.

[Ryland Adams]

This Neo is it flesh butt isn't flesh butt.

[Shane Dawson]

I bought a flesh butt one time as a joke and Ryland will not shut up about it. This was like 10 years ago and he got mad at me.

[Ryland Adams]

I don't like it. It's not that different. When I was looking into it, these robots can only do limited amount of things, so somebody has to control them.

[Spencer]

You're already looking into this?

[Shane Dawson]

Yep. What?

[Ryland Adams]

Well, yeah, I was gonna buy one.

[Shane Dawson]

No, we are not having a fucking robot in our house.

[Ryland Adams]

Yes, we are.

[Shane Dawson]

No, we're not.

[Spencer]

These are. I don't know. So these are like their merry Christmas, babes.

[Chris]

When I first saw it, it reminded me of. Do you know in signs when you first see the alien come out of the bush and it's terrifying. That's what I felt when I first.

[Shane Dawson]

That motherfucker walking, like, I'm like changing, getting naked. And he walks by me and judges my breast.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, he's little.

[Shane Dawson]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

And so they have these.

[Jared]

What a weird picture.

[Spencer]

I know. These ads, their ads are so bizarre. These are all on their website that I was just like looking around and they're, they're so, like for me, they're so clearly trying to avoid like, people are scared of robots. Like, yeah, look at it. It's a.

[Shane Dawson]

So.

[Spencer]

And they, they emphasize it's a soft knit body. They keep talking about what a soft knit body.

[Shane Dawson]

Oh, so when it's choking me, it's.

[Spencer]

They have like this old man.

[Ryland Adams]

This is literally like Megan the movie, right?

[Shane Dawson]

Yeah.

[Ryland Adams]

Yes. Yeah.

[Shane Dawson]

And does it look like Ryland, you have a soft nippody. Yeah, maybe they say gay guys like each other. Like guys that look like themselves.

[Chris]

Not me.

[Shane Dawson]

Miss Buster.

[Spencer]

The real weird thing is the eyes. And so when here I think this.

[Shane Dawson]

There may be a human behind the curtain. What?

[Ryland Adams]

The robot strings.

[Shane Dawson]

What if I throw up? Will the robot throw up? A company representation representative may need to.

[Ryland Adams]

Peer into your house via Neo's camera.

[Shane Dawson]

Eyes to get things done to many people. This is crazy.

[Ryland Adams]

You have to be okay with this.

[Jared]

For the product to be useful.

[Shane Dawson]

Its fabric covered body lets Neo try to do a lot of things humans do around the house.

[Ryland Adams]

Emphasis on try. You got this, Neo.

[Shane Dawson]

You got it.

[Spencer]

It's not very cheap.

[Shane Dawson]

Load three items in the dishwasher.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, no.

[Spencer]

It's so bad, dude.

[Jared]

The possibility for these things to get hacked and just murder everybody in the house.

[Ryland Adams]

Yes.

[Jared]

Is like so high.

[Shane Dawson]

Allegedly.

[Jared]

I can't even let this thing around my dog.

[Shane Dawson]

Just a theory.

[Chris]

Wait. But also, if you have to control it does not defeat the entire purpose.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah.

[Shane Dawson]

Wait, so some is like watching my. My house through and they're wearing.

[Spencer]

They're wearing like VR and they have little like, hands.

[Ryland Adams]

That's the.

[Shane Dawson]

Out of my house. That's right.

[Ryland Adams]

Have to schedule a time because they have to be in a VR suit, like in your house. And it's like, I just don't think.

[Jared]

They'Re in your house. And the robots in your house isn't AI.

[Shane Dawson]

This is a man.

[Ryland Adams]

Yes.

[Shane Dawson]

The fuck is going at that point.

[Chris]

Just hire a maid or something.

[Shane Dawson]

You're.

[Chris]

That's what you're doing. You're hiring a person, but less efficiently.

[Shane Dawson]

Literally. Merry Maids is not robots. And they kill it.

[Spencer]

It's probably cheaper too.

[Shane Dawson]

Yeah. And you're supporting their families.

[Chris]

And they're not recording.

[Shane Dawson]

And a merrymaid has never tried to choke me out.

[Ryland Adams]

I'm sure in a year we're gonna have a really good one.

[Jared]

Possibly the sketchiest thing I've seen so far.

[Spencer]

I also could see in a year something bad happens. But allegedly a Neo allegedly attacks someone. Or maybe an employee gets mad.

[Chris]

I'm Team Jared on this.

[Shane Dawson]

Also, Megan was like iconic. She had like a good wig on. Like, she had makeup. She had dance moves. This little motherfucker looks like a voodoo doll.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Chris]

What if you died by that? It'd be so embarrassing.

[Shane Dawson]

So embarrassing. Tiny little twink ass robot choking me out.

[Jared]

And you gotta be concerned when competition arises because how are they going to sabotage each other?

[Spencer]

Oh, that's just saying.

[Ryland Adams]

Think about it.

[Shane Dawson]

Taking different.

[Ryland Adams]

Breaking down the boxes in the recycling bin, taking out the trash, grabbing the mail.

[Shane Dawson]

It would take 10 years. Yeah.

[Spencer]

It would take like a week for that guy.

[Shane Dawson]

It would take two weeks.

[Ryland Adams]

I'm just saying in two years.

[Shane Dawson]

We're not doing it. Okay, well, speaking of things that are gonna make us fight, nothing could do that. Spencer, you said we have a new dress. And listen, I'm gonna take a nap. We haven't done this in a while. I feel like it's time to try it.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh no.

[Spencer]

This one is less. I think maybe gonna make it. I don't know. It's more like hard to wrap your brain around how it works, but it's in the same, like, vein.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay.

[Spencer]

And it's been going viral lately.

[Shane Dawson]

You guys want to see some cool color theory?

[Spencer]

So it's the same. It's one color paint.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay. I love her name. Hanana Bread goodness.

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[Spencer]

Look at this.

[Shane Dawson]

What?

[Spencer]

So she's painting.

[Video Narrator]

It's.

[Spencer]

It's in a corner of a wall.

[Shane Dawson]

What? Wait, I don't know what's happening. What am I looking at?

[Spencer]

Oh, look at this. No, it's the same.

[Jared]

Oh, what?

[Spencer]

Like, how does that make sense?

[Jared]

What?

[Ryland Adams]

I love color theory. It's so cool.

[Shane Dawson]

I don't get it.

[Chris]

I feel like I had a struggle.

[Shane Dawson]

What?

[Spencer]

Isn't that, like, I don't get it. Exactly.

[Shane Dawson]

Hanana bread. You need to bake this one a little longer.

[Chris]

Changed colors.

[Shane Dawson]

How did that happen?

[Chris]

That was editing or something at that point.

[Shane Dawson]

Was it.

[Chris]

There's.

[Shane Dawson]

Because she was painting over a different color. I don't know. Hanana bread.

[Spencer]

I think it's because the wall was two different colors. Playing again. So she has one color for ends. And I said, see the. In the corner? It's two different colors. But. But it doesn't make any sense.

[Chris]

It doesn't make any sense.

[Spencer]

The 1ch goes each.

[Jared]

Each side.

[Chris]

That doesn't make any sense. No, she had different color paint on the other side.

[Jared]

You see her dip it?

[Spencer]

You see her dip it in the thing?

[Shane Dawson]

You see her dip it?

[Chris]

I don't know. I don't. I don't trust this one.

[Ryland Adams]

Is it AI?

[Shane Dawson]

I don't know.

[Ryland Adams]

Is this Sora?

[Shane Dawson]

Is it AI?

[Ryland Adams]

Is it Sora?

[Chris]

I think there's trickery going on here. I don't buy this one.

[Spencer]

Anyway, that was just a good color. I mean, we're not gonna.

[Jared]

I don't know.

[Spencer]

I wish I had the answer. I should have probably looked it up.

[Jared]

Unless it's not paint. It's some solution that strips the paint. Oh, but that's a tough one. I'm not a color theorist.

[Spencer]

That was the one where I've been making the rounds lately.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay, this next thing is a little bit of a deep dive from our little birdman over there. You started telling me about this, and I was like, save this for the podcast. In the last episode, we talked about the mall theory, which, now that we talked about it, all my dreams are there. Like, the mall is expanding. It's getting crazier. But you said that there's a theory about Actual shopping malls.

[Spencer]

Yeah. This actually plays into the color theory. There's like color tricks. Remember when we talked about how it's like how grocery stores have all these tricks to like keep you in certain sections? And so we had a listener write in named Maya. She said, hi, Shane and friends. I had this eye opening conversation with my family and it really blew my mind. So basically, her brother works in mall design.

[Shane Dawson]

Stop.

[Spencer]

And so these are, these are some. He gave like a full rundown of all the like tricks they use at malls to like keep you. And so he said, I used to work in mall design. The maps are lying to you. I don't care if anyone believes me. I worked for a firm that designs shopping centers around the Midwest. We didn't call it marketing psychology. We called it wayfinding influence. So it's all about like, we're keeping you in certain positions in the market mall. Those you're here dots, never accurate. They're off by a few feet on purpose. Every foot of misdirection equals about 45 more seconds of walk. Multiply that by thousands of shoppers. You just added hours of browsing time a day. So when it says you are here, you're never actually right in that spot. And so you have to sort of reorient yourself. So you're walking around, you're looking at the stores, you're looking at all the products. Ever notice how the maps are slightly rotated?

[Shane Dawson]

Yes.

[Spencer]

That's intentional too. Your brain keeps trying to reorient, which causes mild disorientation. People spend 17% more when they're lost, but they think they're not.

[Shane Dawson]

That's.

[Spencer]

It's all about like. It's not like it doesn't. You know, when you're looking at the map, it's not like you're looking right down the right way. You have to like, which way are we? Which way are we going?

[Ryland Adams]

But you have the confidence because you have the map.

[Spencer]

Exactly. You're like, ah, color coding. We used a palette tested in casinos and airports. Warm tones near.

[Jared]

Exactly.

[Spencer]

Exits to draw you toward anchor stores. Cool tones near rest areas to slow your pace. You think you're making choices, but you're being funneled through a pattern that's been tested a thousand times.

[Shane Dawson]

Whoa.

[Spencer]

So the next time you're standing in front of that glossy board spinning around trying to figure out why the Apple store isn't where you thought it was, it's not you. The map wants you to be lost.

[Shane Dawson]

That makes me mad. I know. It's super. The amount of Times. Me and my grandma got lost at the mall and she thought she was losing her mind. And I was like, no, Grandma, we. We're in the seas. Candy is supposed to be right here. And she's like, then why the fuck am I looking at Sears? And why is Chris here?

[Jared]

And what happened to Orange Julius?

[Shane Dawson]

I don't know.

[Jared]

Where are they?

[Ryland Adams]

Keep asking questions.

[Shane Dawson]

I don't know.

[Spencer]

Where are you?

[Jared]

Orange Julius.

[Ryland Adams]

Sometimes they're, like, rarely attached to a Dairy Queen.

[Jared]

And why are the bathrooms always 500ft away from the walkway? Have you noticed this?

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah.

[Jared]

At the mall, when you go to the bathroom, you gotta go through, like, a hidden tunnel that takes you 500ft. Yeah. You get there, it's like, give us more bathrooms.

[Shane Dawson]

Also, did you know, for those of you who don't have kids, let me just tell you what you're missing out on. A fucking amusement park in the family bathroom. Okay. You think it's just a bathroom, right? It's the one that has a family on it. You think it's just a bathroom? No, no, no. You open that door, there's a fucking amusement park. There was a playground. There was couches, chairs. There was vending machines, there were snacks. It was a whole situation. But you're not allowed in unless you have your kids. And. Baby, we got kids. So we're in.

[Chris]

There's a vending machine.

[Shane Dawson]

Vending machine snacks, and then mini toys for the children.

[Ryland Adams]

Like an adult toilet.

[Shane Dawson]

It's like a whole thing.

[Spencer]

Wait, is this all in one room where people are shitting and playing on the.

[Ryland Adams]

No, it's like.

[Shane Dawson]

No, no. The actual bathrooms are. They're in there.

[Spencer]

Okay, okay.

[Shane Dawson]

But they trick you with the family restroom thing. You think it's bathroom. It's not. And then one woman followed us in who didn't have kids, and then she re. She realized with us, she just walked into an amusement park and she went, what?

[Spencer]

No. Really?

[Shane Dawson]

Yes. And I said, I know. It's our first time.

[Chris]

You're like, you don't have kids. You're not allowed to see this.

[Shane Dawson]

I was like, it's okay, Auntie.

[Ryland Adams]

You have to go.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Two men in suits just carry her away. Every.

[Chris]

Every time I saw one of those, I thought it was literally just one bathroom. Like, just a single bathroom for a crack.

[Shane Dawson]

Open that door, babes. It's okay.

[Spencer]

It was like Narnia that blew my mind.

[Shane Dawson]

Okay, well, speaking of blowing our minds, Jared, I'm going to show you a video, and then Jared's going to give a deep dive about this because this is pretty crazy. This is a theory involving a comet that might be coming to destroy Earth. Or is it?

[Video Narrator]

Okay, let's talk about it. Two months ago, scientists detected something strange entering our solar system. A massive object enter out near Jupiter, heading on a trajectory for the inner planets. Three hours came from interstellar space. And people immediately started to speculate that it might be a hostile alien spacecraft. The initial estimate on how big it was made it even more interesting. Based on its reflected light, they calculated that it was about 11km wide, about 100 times bigger than Oumuamua, the first interstellar visitor, and similar in size to the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs. When we take a closer look look at the object, we can see that it has a brightly glowing coma and a nice long tail.

[Jared]

It's like a big piece of poop floating.

[Spencer]

He gets way more scientific.

[Jared]

So he is giving quite a bit of information. And it sounds like he made this video two months after the comet was discovered. So the latest information that's come out about this and the crazy part to me is it's on like major news stations like fox, NBC, abc, they all have this scientist who is a professor at Harvard named Ari Loeb. And it's like very jokingly when they talk to him because I don't know if we gathered this from the video, but there's only been three comets ever that we've observed that came from outside of our solar system. So this thing could be potentially, you know, like older than the Earth itself. But when he's on these new shows, the anchors literally joke with him like, so it's. Is this the alien invasion that's gonna happen? What you're basically describing is like a.

[Spencer]

Mothership with probes, potentially.

[Shane Dawson]

What would some other civilization want here on Earth or with us Earthlings?

[Jared]

And it's kind of like, you know that thing they say they hide it in plain sight, like they're all talking about it. But if you ask a common person, most people have no idea that this is going on. No, but so a few crazy things about it is. So they discovered it in July. Like the guy said, it's about 11 kilometers wide. It's huge. Only the third interstellar comet that we've observed. I think the current one that we're looking at 3i is about the size of Manhattan. So it's like the size of a large city.

[Shane Dawson]

What?

[Jared]

Yeah. So a couple interesting things about it that kind of lead me to believe that it's more than what they're leading on to. Or maybe they're trying to make something of it is just a few days ago, China released a couple images of it from one of their own roving satellites that they have. And they didn't call it a comet, they called it a visitor.

[Spencer]

Oh, what the.

[Jared]

So most comets are comprised of gas and ice. So when it goes perihelion, which means it goes behind the sun and it catches the orbit of the sun, they typically will lose like the majority of their mass because the sun melts it. But what this one did is it actually started changing colors and got brighter than the sun. So they're saying that this would be indicative of it actually having an engine on it. So it's not just being propelled by gravity, it's actually non gravitationally propelled. And they believe that it could have an engine in it. It also, because of the way that it's reflecting light, it's smoother than any object they've ever seen in space, which leads to make people believe it's artificial or it's been, you know, created. And it's not just a space rock. So that's leading a lot of people to believe that this is an alien craft, not a comet. And the creepy thing is in 1977 they had this astronomic telescope I believe it's called, named the Big Ear. And the whole goal was to send frequencies out into outer space, waiting on frequencies to come back, which would be alien communication. Well, in 1977, it's called the wow signal. And it was the only time they ever received any kind of data back from one of their, you know, frequency blasts. And this comet is evidently coming from the same Sagittarius constellation as that signal came back from.

[Shane Dawson]

Wow.

[Jared]

And when it first happened, they said the reason that we don't want to try to communicate again with this freaking frequency is because it would take around 50 years for it to even come back to us.

[Spencer]

No.

[Jared]

And 1977 to now is 48 years. So it's, it like kind of lines up with, let's say in 1977, we got this signal coming back from this, you know, random, you know, planet or something like that. Like, oh, we coming. And then they send this huge craft to Earth and that, that's what we're looking at here. And it's supposed to get the closest it will on December 19th of this year. Of this year. Why are they not.

[Shane Dawson]

Why is nobody talking about it?

[Jared]

Well, that's the thing. Like why would nobody be talking about this? And my theory behind it is. Remember the movie don't look up?

[Shane Dawson]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Where, like, there's one guy who knows everything, and he's, like, freaking out about it, and he keeps telling people, you.

[Spencer]

Got to look up.

[Jared]

You got to pay attention. This is major. This is huge. And it's not until the very last second was where all of a sudden, everybody's panicking, and it's, like, real. This guy has been going on shows. He was on the Joe Rogan podcast. He's on the news all the time, and he keeps telling people that there's, like, a 40% chance, in his expert opinion, that this is an alien craft and we should be very cautious of whatever is to come by it. So I think it's either real and it's very scary, and who knows what's going to happen, or this is exactly like they talked about about with Project Blue Beam, and there's going to be some kind of a fake invasion. But I think they have to set it up a couple months in advance and make it, like, a soft launch.

[Spencer]

That was my first thought when I saw it. I was like, wow, this feels exactly like Project Blue. Like, literally to a T. Who?

[Jared]

But yeah, so Project Blue Beam could be happening this year.

[Chris]

Wow.

[Jared]

2025.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay.

[Shane Dawson]

Yeah. Merry Christmas. Wow. That's a probably the scariest theory you've ever done. And I'm scared.

[Chris]

So does that mean we're all dead for Christmas?

[Spencer]

Hopefully they wait till the new year.

[Ryland Adams]

This was your wish to Santa Claus?

[Spencer]

Yeah. You did wish this to Santa.

[Shane Dawson]

What? That's so scary. Well, speaking of things that come at.

[Ryland Adams]

You fast.

[Shane Dawson]

Speaking of things that come at you real fast, I think it's time for a recap.

[Steve Hartley]

Light, camera, action. Rylan's recap is about to happen. Ryland's recap on today's episode of the Shane Dawson Podcast. Hey, Ryland, we have. We have a new cast member.

[Ryland Adams]

Yes, it's me, Steve Hartley.

[Shane Dawson]

Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve.

[Steve Hartley]

I take it off, but I don't.

[Jared]

Know if I can.

[Chris]

Oh, you get naked.

[Steve Hartley]

I'm going to show you my little grower.

[Chris]

Steve's a grower?

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, no. His voice turned into Sally.

[Shane Dawson]

Yeah, they're kind of melting together.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, I gotta get better at having two objects.

[Shane Dawson]

Ah.

[Jared]

I got head shots at JCPenney.

[Ryland Adams]

This is D. You can get your head shots at JCPenny. Very nice, very nice, very nice. I haven't found out the identity of him just yet.

[Spencer]

It might have been too much to give to maybe.

[Shane Dawson]

You know what?

[Spencer]

You can just say, maybe you should.

[Shane Dawson]

Give Steve to somebody else. Give Steve to Jared.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh perfect Buzz.

[Steve Hartley]

Trigger Alley. Yes. Speaking of trigger Alley, Taco Bell triggered lots of emotions this episode. Shane, what's your biggest triggering event that's ever happened in a Taco Bell drive thru?

[Shane Dawson]

At a Taco Bell drive thru.

[Steve Hartley]

We're just eating Taco Bell. No traumatic moments.

[Shane Dawson]

An unintentional blumpkin.

[Jared]

What?

[Shane Dawson]

Just kidding. I've never had that. If you don't know what a blumpkin is, check out Spencer's likes. Oh, I think little Steve knows what a blumpkin is.

[Jared]

Oh yeah, just a second. So a little of the blumpkin is actually when you're getting fellatio a blow job while taking a dump on the toilet. Thanks for chiming me in.

[Shane Dawson]

Train sound effects and everything. You are a pup.

[Jared]

Guys, guys.

[Shane Dawson]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Steve Hartley]

The saddest thing we've learned from this episode is that Black Friday mayhem and chaos is no longer.

[Chris]

That's the saddest thing. More sad than we might all die.

[Shane Dawson]

We might all die soon. In five days.

[Jared]

Three Eye Atlas.

[Steve Hartley]

Come on, tell us about it, Steve.

[Jared]

NASA is currently hiding evidence that there is an asteroid coming directly to Earth that's going to be passing us on December 19th. This could be bad.

[Steve Hartley]

Do you understand how your verbiage of passing makes it seem like nothing's gonna happen to us?

[Jared]

I'm sorry that your literacy isn't as high as mine. I think I've been using the proper terminology.

[Steve Hartley]

I know you seem all high and mighty, but drinking out of that Stanley cup makes you look real good. Okay, just because it's camera doesn't make it more straight.

[Jared]

Sally, don't lose your head over this. Back to you.

[Steve Hartley]

Sally, have you ever been pissed off? No. Well, if you want to be pissed off, wait till you hear about malls and what they're doing. Steve, have you heard what they're doing at malls?

[Jared]

Thank you for making me such a big part of this necessarily prepared, but yeah, malls are way wasting your time. They're making sure that their maps are created especially to make you walk more steps.

[Steve Hartley]

Normally I like extra steps, but not when they're trying to take my money. Fuck you malls. And fuck you, Steve.

[Jared]

Yeah, my pockets gotten a lot lighter since I started going to the mall recently. Where's Orange Julius?

[Steve Hartley]

I'm in love with some Dairy Queens, but she's almost extinct.

[Jared]

Thanks for the update, Sally. Much appreciated. High five.

[Steve Hartley]

I don't have hands.

[Chris]

I couldn't be a bigger fan of Steve.

[Spencer]

He's giving a Potter puppet. Pals. Remember that video?

[Shane Dawson]

Yes.

[Jared]

Thanks Chris. But my friend Adam Sandler has a word with you.

[Shane Dawson]

Oh, no.

[Spencer]

He knows Adam.

[Steve Hartley]

There was a fun build game on the Shane Dazzler podcast today called Master Debater. You might not not have seen it since last year, but it was a good old time. Who won? Shane.

[Spencer]

Yeah, Shane won.

[Shane Dawson]

I won the whole thing three times.

[Steve Hartley]

Oh, that's so neat.

[Shane Dawson]

Can I request something from Sarah and she can give it to us in a year? Okay. She could have a whole year to do this, and we'll pay her. Can you make little puppets of all of us? Oh, that's fun. And then next year when we do the recap, we all play each other.

[Spencer]

We have to learn to how. How to do puppets.

[Shane Dawson]

We gotta learn puppetry. We'll figure it out.

[Jared]

Taco Bell sauce.

[Shane Dawson]

Oh, Taco Bell sauce is a scam.

[Ryland Adams]

Why don't you pick up your labubu.

[Steve Hartley]

And puppeteer this one?

[Shane Dawson]

Hey, guys. So I was at the kitchen eating chicken, and I put Taco Bell sauce on it, thinking it would make my chicken taste even better. But guess what? It didn't. It tasted like trash, tasted like garbage, and it made me angry. Steve, what do you think about this?

[Jared]

I've had my suspicions about this for years now. So to finally get confirmation that Taco Bell sauce is doing that really irks me.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay.

[Steve Hartley]

I hope you guys liked that. Did you?

[Chris]

Okay.

[Jared]

I'm still debating whether or not I like that salad.

[Shane Dawson]

It was enjoyable.

[Ryland Adams]

Sure.

[Steve Hartley]

Why don't you pick up the energy and wrap us up?

[Jared]

All right, well, everybody, thank you for watching this episode of the Shane Dawson podcast. Make sure you shop all your Shane Dawson merch. Shane Dawson merch. You can find us all on our social media sites. They'll go ahead and be links down in the description. And if you want more content like this, you want two extra podcasts a month and a new docu series, make sure to check out Shane's patreon. And on that note, back to you, Shane.

[Steve Hartley]

Wow.

[Shane Dawson]

Wow. What a. What a Christmas. What a miracle. Well, you guys go. Hopefully. Hopefully. You put the hell that puppet show was. I know I did. We need to incorporate puppets more into the rest of the show.

[Spencer]

Yes.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, let's see how people like it. It started as like one puppet, and then two, and then three, and then four and five.

[Spencer]

Well, then we don't have to be on camera by the end of it.

[Ryland Adams]

It is nice.

[Shane Dawson]

Hopefully enjoyed that. And we will see you guys right after Christmas. See you right before the new year.

[Spencer]

And.

[Shane Dawson]

And yeah, stay safe out there. Merry Christmas, you guys. Happy holidays. See you next time. Bye.

[Jared]

Monster Energy. Everybody knows White Monster Zero Ultra, that's the og it kicked off this whole Zero Sugar energy drink thing. But Ultra is a whole lineup now. You've got Strawberry Dreams, Blue Hawaiian Sunrise and Vice Guava.

[Spencer]

And they all bring the Monster Energy punch.

[Jared]

So if you've been living in the White can, branch out. Ultra's got a flavor for every vibe, and every single one is Zero Sugar. Tap the banner to learn more.