Podcast Summary: The Shit No One Tells You About Writing
Episode: One of the Best Hooks We’ve Had on a BWH Segment
Release Date: June 12, 2025

Introduction

In this engaging episode of "The Shit No One Tells You About Writing," host Bianca Marais is joined by cohosts Carly Waters and CeCe Lira from P.S. Literary Agency. Celebrating their milestone 200th "Books with Hooks" segment, the trio dives deep into the art of crafting compelling query letters and opening pages, providing emerging writers with invaluable feedback and industry insights.

First Query Letter Review: "Very Safe Driver" by Bill McLean

Summary of the Query:

Bill McLean seeks representation for his crime thriller, Very Safe Driver, a 64,000-word manuscript. The story revolves around Sally Ann Duduk, whose husband Jacob dies in a car crash. As she navigates her grief, she uncovers Jacob's hidden property and dark secrets, plunging her into a life-or-death struggle to protect her children from the revelations.

_Carly Waters' Critique:__

Carly begins her analysis at [02:25], noting, "All right, so this one clocked in at 222," referring to the word count of the query letter—a concise length that Carly appreciates. She praises the title, stating, "Very Safe Driver. Like, with the right package, I think you did superbly well here."

However, Carly offers constructive criticism:

1. Comparative Titles: She highlights the use of mega bestsellers like What Lies Between Us by John Marrs and Intensity by Dean Koontz for comps, questioning their effectiveness. Carly suggests, “just being a little bit more pinpointed with your comp selection can help you in the long run.”

2. Character Naming: Carly advises simplifying character names to avoid confusion, recommending, “I would just cut the last name. So just Sally Ann.”

3. Hook Enhancement: She emphasizes enhancing the hook by elevating the stakes earlier in the query, moving the emotional drive—protecting her children—from the end to the forefront.

Carly concludes, “[...] it's really a strong bio. I would just really try to focus on the body paragraph and the comps.”

_CeCe Lira's Insights:__

At [10:24], CeCe praises the author bio but shifts focus to the narrative style:

She critiques the use of third-person perspective, asserting, “I think what's happening here is we are not in the widow's essentially, like, point of view.” CeCe advocates for first-person narration to intensify emotional connection, stating, “we would be in her seat with her through every situation.”

She elaborates on the challenges of third-person in conveying deep emotional experiences, suggesting that a first-person narrative could better immerse readers in Sally Ann's turmoil and discovery process.

Second Query Letter Review: "Rejected" by Lily Olsen

Summary of the Query:

Lily Olsen presents Rejected, a 98,000-word novel set in the high society of the 1960s. The protagonist, Lily Olsen, a con woman aiming to retire from criminal life, becomes entangled in a complex web involving love triangles, political manipulation, and gangster threats. As she navigates these dangers, Lily must choose between blackmailing a powerful man or succumbing to marriage, all while confronting secrets that jeopardize her life.

_CeCe Lira's Critique:__

CeCe commences her feedback at [23:05], lauding the query's hook as “possibly the best hook we've seen on books with hooks. Definitely top five.” She appreciates the intrigue and suspense encapsulated in the opening lines.

However, CeCe offers nuanced suggestions:

1. Plot Causality: She points out a need for stronger causal links between plot points, recommending that the gangster's demands directly influence Lily’s actions towards Andrew.

2. Climactic Clarity: CeCe notes that the climax isn't clearly defined in the query, advising the author to extend the plot summary to encompass the story's resolution for a more compelling pitch.

3. Emotional Depth: She emphasizes the importance of building emotional connections and ensuring plot points lead naturally to the climax.

_Carly Waters' Insights:__

Carly echoes CeCe's enthusiasm, praising the query's sophistication and subtlety in character development. She mentions, “when it says involving his relationship with his good friend Tom... that's just so, so well done.”

Carly addresses the diversity of comps used, noting the blend of commercial, literary, and cinematic references. While recognizing their potential to appeal to varied audiences, she remains critical of their direct applicability, suggesting a more cohesive selection might benefit future queries.

Additionally, Carly highlights the protagonist's likability, pondering whether Lily might come across as trying to outsmart the reader, which could affect her relatability. She advises monitoring this trait to maintain character empathy.

Key Insights and Takeaways

Throughout the episode, Bianca, Carly, and CeCe delve into several critical aspects of writing and query crafting:

1. Perspective Usage: The debate between first-person and third-person narratives underscores the importance of choosing a viewpoint that best serves the story's emotional depth and reader engagement.

2. Comp Selection: Selecting appropriate comparative titles is vital. The comps should closely align with the manuscript's tone, audience, and thematic elements to effectively position it within the market.

3. Hook and Plot Clarity: A strong, clear hook coupled with well-connected plot points ensures that the story remains compelling and free from confusion. Elevating critical stakes early in the query can enhance its impact.

4. Emotional Authenticity: Ensuring that characters' emotional journeys are believable and deeply felt is essential for reader investment. This includes avoiding detached narratives and fostering a strong connection with the protagonist.

Notable Quotes

• Carly Waters on Query Length:
  “All right, so this one clocked in at 222, so pretty short on the shorter side of a query we've had in quite a long time.” ([04:05])

• Carly on Title Formatting:
  “The industry standard is all caps... you want your title to be the thing that will always stand out.” ([04:05])

• CeCe Lira on Emotional Connection:
  “I kind of wanted to ask our listeners... [Sally Ann] can't survive and see justice done? Or will she be seduced by a desperate promise…” ([06:32])

• CeCe on Story Explaining:
  “Story explaining is a lot of explanation and backstory... you don't want lines that are pure explanation.” ([28:34])

• Carly Waters on Protagonist Likability:
  “I have read books about female con artists before... when the protagonist thinks they're smarter than the reader.” ([35:16])

Conclusion

This episode of "The Shit No One Tells You About Writing" offers a treasure trove of insights for emerging authors. Bianca Marais, alongside Carly Waters and CeCe Lira, provides thoughtful critiques and actionable advice on crafting effective query letters and engaging opening pages. Celebrating their 200th "Books with Hooks" segment, the hosts demonstrate their commitment to helping writers navigate the complexities of the publishing industry with honesty, expertise, and a touch of humor.

For authors seeking to refine their pitches and storytelling techniques, this episode is an essential listen, packed with practical guidance and professional perspectives that demystify the often daunting process of getting a book to market.