The Shit No One Tells You About Writing

Episode: "Pitch Perfect"

Hosts: CeCe Lyra, Carly Watters
Date: September 4, 2025

Overview

This episode of "The Shit No One Tells You About Writing" dives deep into what makes a standout query letter and compelling opening pages, especially in high-stakes genres like thrillers and upmarket suspense. CeCe Lyra and Carly Watters, both veteran literary agents, review two writers' submissions—offering actionable, honest, and insightful feedback not only for the authors but for all aspiring writers hoping to master the art of the pitch. Expect in-depth discussion of effective query mechanics, sizzling first pages, and the industry expectations underpinning successful manuscript submissions.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Query Letter #1: “Honey, I’m Home” by Jen (Domestic Thriller)

• CeCe and Carly’s Take:
  • Exceptionally strong submission, setting a standard for all thriller queries.
  • Compelling title, relevant comps, and a high-concept “what if” that grabs attention.
  • The query makes agents curious—the #1 goal for a query letter.

Query Content Breakdown (04:50–06:52)

• Premise:
  Pree, a Denver real estate agent, disposed of her abusive husband’s body to protect herself and her family, only for him to return eight years later, memory-less—or so he claims. The ensuing threats push her to expose his crimes before her secrets are unearthed.
• Effective Elements:
  • Immediate tension and high stakes.
  • Strong, ironic hook: the prey becomes a potential predator again.
  • Clear protagonist agency and morally complex protagonist.
  • Professional platform succinctly established.

Praise & Curiosity (04:57–06:52)

“Can we talk about how great this is?... There’s a line that reads, ‘she suspects Marcus has a plan for revenge and becomes determined to find the proof she needs to expose his dark crimes.’ What I especially love about that is...the kind of irony in storytelling goes a long way and it really keeps readers hooked.”
— CeCe Lyra [05:04]

• CeCe wants to know more about the “eight years”—why that length of time?
• Both agents are hooked: “...it means that you guys are listening to us and you’re kind of getting all this great advice and feedback and you’re able to implement it.”
  — Carly Watters [06:52]

2. Sample Pages #1: “Honey, I’m Home” (08:21–15:46)

Opening Scene:

• Protagonist is the only non-wed woman in her suburban street, facing social friction.
• Returns home, manages domestic tasks, and then—her supposedly dead husband rings the doorbell, acting as if nothing happened.

Agent Feedback:

• Strong sense of dread and rising tension.

• Praise for interiority and emotional calibration:

  “She feels before she thinks. And that is how it needs to be when you are experiencing visceral emotion... A beginner writer would have inverted that. They would have had thoughts first…and then the fear. And that order really matters. So great job there.”
  — CeCe Lyra [09:41]

• Praise for tight, staccato prose:

  • “Writing was so strong…when something’s this good, you actually do get to start with line notes.”

• Suggestions:

  • Consider adding the protagonist’s plausible disbelief (is she hallucinating when the husband returns?).
  • Show her tactical thinking (tracking potential weapons, escape routes).
  • Question the start point—should we see more of her “normal” or a flashback to the disappearance for connection?
  • Calibrate the emotional reactions; show her worry for her children more intensely.

• Memorable Quote:

  “This is fantastic. I love it so much. I am not sure if it’s starting in the right place, though…As an agent, I would love to talk to you about this.”
  — CeCe Lyra [14:50]

• Praise for a Memorable Line:

  “Forgot my house key. What a line. That’s like a mic drop line there.”
  — Carly Watters [15:46]

3. Query Letter #2: “The Golden Boy” by Cassandra Desolousis (Upmarket, Multi-POV Drama)

Segment: 23:20–28:51

• Premise:
  Dan, a plastic surgeon and “good boy from the Midwest,” is accused of murder when his boss’s wife dies during his surgery. The story shifts through multiple POVs, exposing family secrets and examining issues of social facade.

Feedback:

• Comps:
  Big Little Lies deemed too old—agents urge use of more current comps to position for the market.

  • Agents unsure if the manuscript fits as “upmarket” or “upmarket thriller/crime.”

• Query Tone:

  • The query feels more like a synopsis than jacket copy.

    “This is a very synopsis-y query… If you guys listen to these two queries back to back…you’ll be able to see some of the differences, especially in the ways that they hook agents.”
    — Carly Watters [26:28]

  • Final paragraph with rhetorical questions isn’t as effective as a hook; agents prefer sharper, declarative stakes.

• Author Platform:

  • Simply being a member of a large Facebook/social group doesn’t count as meaningful platform—being a leader or highly influential member would.

• Big Question Raised:
  Why must the surgery death be a murder? Agents want it to feel earned, not forced.

  “Why does it have to be murder? Maybe there’s something in the story… but then that needs to be clear, or else it feels forced.”
  — CeCe Lyra [29:25]

4. Sample Pages #2: “The Golden Boy” (31:42–39:08)

Structure:

• Chapter 1: Boston police station, Detective interviews Emily (surgeon, not mentioned in the query) about Dan. Strong tension in the writing; emotionally resonant exhaustion from Emily’s POV.
• Chapter 2: Flashback to Dan in Tennessee, photo op with his family—tension mounts as their daughter is missing, but urgency feels muted.

Agent Feedback:

• Concerns on POV:
  • Opening with Emily (an unknown character) is jarring; reader expects main character as the first voice.
  • Recommend making Emily’s chapter an “interstitial” or chorus-like device between other perspectives, not the opener.
• Authenticity & Characterization:
  • Dan’s muted reaction to missing child reads as “dummy” behavior; later, a beta-blocker is used as explanation, but should be foreshadowed.
  • Kaylee’s lack of outward panic about the missing child feels implausible:

    “Making her be someone who’s like telling her husband, you need to take this seriously. Not freaking out, not yelling her daughter’s name, not running around—that’s just not believable to me.”
    — CeCe Lyra [36:43]

• Strengths:
  • Vivid, medical-specific prose and interiority.
  • Clear high-stakes setup and market awareness.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Power of the Hook:

  “That is the power of an amazing query letter… The agent goes: I need to know more. I want to know more. And it feels like a joy to read more. It’s not a job, it’s a delight.”
  — CeCe Lyra [05:35]

• On Writing Emotional Reactions:

  “She feels before she thinks. And that is how it needs to be when you are experiencing visceral emotion.”
  — CeCe Lyra [09:41]

• On Platform Realities:

  “It sucks…that being a part of a group of 85,000 people doesn’t count towards platform…Just being in a social media group is not worth mentioning.”
  — Carly Watters [30:19], CeCe Lyra [31:23]

• Celebrating Excellence:

  “I actually have a prop…which is the wand. The wand that signifies you did amazing… You get the wand!”
  — CeCe Lyra [15:35]

• On Opening Chapters:

  “The first protagonist that we encounter in a novel is the first one that we imprint with…and so I don’t think…it just doesn’t make any sense that it be Emily.”
  — CeCe Lyra [36:13]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [04:50] Query Letter #1: “Honey, I’m Home”
• [08:21] Sample Pages #1 and Agent Reactions
• [15:46] Praise and specific line breakdowns
• [23:20] Query Letter #2: “The Golden Boy”
• [31:42] Sample Pages #2 and Structural Discussion
• [36:13] Opening POV & Interstitial Chapter Advice

Takeaways for Writers

• A successful query raises agent curiosity, mixes strong premise with sharp, market-aware comps, and teases enough plot without confusion.
• Opening pages must match the promise of the query—tension, emotional calibration, and believable character reactions are vital.
• Platforms matter, but not all social group affiliations count equally in publishing eyes.
• The opening POV should orient the reader to the main story and protagonist, using “chorus” chapters sparingly and strategically.
• Feedback, even on successful submissions, always offers ways to sharpen and deepen a story for maximum impact.

Hosts’ Tone: Honest, enthusiastic, and focused on constructive, actionable advice.
Best for: Emerging writers seeking practical insights, aspiring authors honing their queries and first pages, and anyone curious about what truly hooks literary agents.