The Shit No One Tells You About Writing

Episode: "Quiet Stories, Big Stakes"

Date: December 11, 2025
Hosts: Bianca Marais, Carly Watters, CeCe Lyra

Episode Overview

In this Books with Hooks segment, co-hosts Bianca Marais, literary agents Carly Watters and CeCe Lyra, critique two listener-submitted query letters and opening pages. The episode centers around why "quiet" or "internal" stories need high stakes, how to frame them in queries, and discusses tension, character depth, and believability in manuscript openings—delivering unflinching, practical, and sometimes humorous advice for emerging writers.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. "All These Things That I Have" – Literary Fiction Query & Pages

Query Critique (04:54–09:16)

• Theme Heavy Openings:

  • CeCe: “You’re leading with themes… but you know, we always say on the show, lead with your hook, don’t lead with your themes.” (05:00)
  • Too many comp titles (four is excessive), and sharing point of view in the query is unnecessary; focus on the hook, not format or perspective.

• Plot Summary Strengths & Weaknesses:

  • CeCe: “Does an excellent job of telling me the protagonist’s place in the world and the inciting incident. His father died; he needs to return home.”
  • Main challenge: After the inciting incident, it's all quite internal and reflective—a ‘quiet’ story. This is fine for literary fiction, but agents need to know if that’s intentional and well-executed.

• Explicit Takeaway for Listeners:

  • “If you’re writing a quiet story, this is a good example of how to frame it... If you’re worried your story is coming across quiet, this is what makes it feel that way.” (07:07)

• Why Stakes Matter, Even in Quiet Novels:

  • Carly: “You don’t really get at, like, why he has to go home… I just want a reason… For the going home to be clear.” (08:06)

Pages Critique (09:25–16:31)

• Experimentation With Format:

  • CeCe: “I don’t think that the format of pausing the narrative to go into the screenplay is working… It felt really jarring.” (10:47)
  • When structure interrupts more than it adds, it pulls readers out of the story.

• Agent-Client Relationship Realism:

  • The agent’s motivations and dynamic felt implausible:
    • “I don’t understand why his agent is forcing him to go to the funeral… The whole dynamics didn’t feel believable.” (11:49)
    • Readers are confused instead of curious.

• Kink Shaming & Plausibility:

  • Shaming over sexual behavior felt dated and unrealistic for the LA/Hollywood setting.

• Auto-fiction Questions:

  • Carly: “This character’s name is Sal and our author’s name is Sal… Are we supposed to assume these are the same people? Is this autofiction?” (14:19)
  • Naming a protagonist after the author implies a deeper, potentially intentional, meta layer. If so, be mindful of the effect.

• Audience Fit and Timeliness:

  • Carly draws a comparison to ‘Californication’: “Who’s the audience for this book?… That show was 15–20 years old… What are we doing in 2025?” (15:44)

2. "Three Date Minimum" – Contemporary Romance Query & Pages

Query Critique (21:48–29:04)

• Confusion Over Genre & Stakes:

  • Carly: “When romance novel pitches focus solely on the element of romance, I struggle with the pitch… I don’t actually know what’s happening with this character.” (21:58)
  • The only context beyond romance is the protagonist’s sexual assault and job threat, but the job itself isn’t defined, and how the antagonist is “targeting more women” suggests thriller or book club fiction more than romance.

• Comp Titles Should Match Genre:

  • Including Moxie (a YA novel) causes genre confusion when the book is clearly pitched as adult.

• Career & Character Depth:

  • Both agents highlight the lack of information about the protagonist’s job and passions.
  • CeCe: “Don’t just go, ‘Okay, occupation.’ It really needs to create opportunities for plot, reveal stuff about character, move the momentum of the story forward and create tension and intrigue.”
  • A character’s career should not be a throwaway detail; it’s integral for depth.

• Formatting Issue—Don’t Use Lists:

  • CeCe: “This whole list thing, this is a bad idea. Don’t put lists in a query letter… It’s unfair, it’s unjust. It is also reality.” (28:03)

Pages Critique (30:28–42:14)

• Opening Scene Structure:

  • The reader is unsure if the protagonist and Grant are dating or in a committed relationship until late in the scene, which disrupts emotional investment.

• Protagonist’s Lack of Identity Beyond Romance:

  • Carly: “I just want to know more about her. There’s just so much about all the men… I just don’t understand her at all.” (32:57)
  • Suggestion: Integrate her passion/profession into the opening; even small details related to her job would help anchor her.
  • Bianca: “We still want to show there is a part of their life that does greatly fulfill them… even if that’s not what the character is focusing on in this moment.” (35:58)

• Tension Calibration and Emotional Payoff:

  • CeCe: “Whenever a story starts with anticipation of a breakup, and the protagonist is never blindsided, you’ve robbed readers of tension… Show the blind side.” (37:09)
  • There’s praise for the protagonist’s dignified, layered external reaction during the breakup, highlighting the importance of showing internal vs. external responses.

• Advice on Revisions:

  • The hosts stress that scenes should create tension, surprise, or at least emotional engagement by subverting expectations or showing authentic reaction sequences.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Theme vs. Hook:
  • “Lead with your hook, don’t lead with your themes.” – CeCe (05:00)
• On Unnecessary Query Letter Detail:
  • “You don’t have to tell us whether the story is first person, third person… It’s just extra words in your query letter.” – CeCe (05:28)
• On Quiet vs. Big Stakes:
  • “To every listener… who is writing a quiet story, this is a good example of how to frame it.” – CeCe (07:07)
• On List Formats in Queries:
  • ”This whole list thing, this is a bad idea. Don’t put lists in a query letter.” – CeCe (28:03)
• On Character Depth:
  • “Is this character’s only goal to find a mate?... What is her passion?” – Carly (21:58)
• On Professional Authenticity:
  • “A character’s career… should create plot, reveal stuff about character, move momentum, and create intrigue.” – Bianca (29:04)
• On Tension and Surprise:
  • “Even savvy and intelligent people get things wrong. Showing blind sides is really important.” – CeCe (39:26)
• On Layered Characterization:
  • “I loved her external reaction to the breakup… You clearly have the potential for a really awesome story here. What’s missing is… tension calibration, and more layers to your protagonist.” – CeCe (41:14)

Timestamps of Key Segments

• 04:54 – CeCe’s critique of “All These Things That I Have” query
• 08:06 – Carly’s additional query feedback
• 09:25 – CeCe summarizes and critiques the first pages
• 14:19 – Carly on auto-fiction and audience
• 21:48 – Carly critiques “Three Date Minimum” query
• 25:29 – CeCe’s further thoughts on query and lists in queries
• 29:04 – Bianca’s note on meaningful character occupations
• 30:28 – Carly recaps “Three Date Minimum” opening pages
• 32:22 – Carly’s critique of scene and character depth
• 37:09 – CeCe’s advice on tension, surprises, and scene payoff

Memorable, Lighthearted Moments

• Laughing about May-December romances and “Carly’s list” of preferences. (25:29)
• CeCe and Carly joke about “kink and rehab that we all have and we’ve all been to” in fiction. (25:53)
• TikTok line dance jokes as they riff on the Dasha “Austin” song. (31:54)
• Bianca and the group’s good-natured banter about dancing skills. (32:09)

Conclusion

This episode is packed with actionable advice on query writing, character depth, and maintaining tension in fiction—especially in “quiet” stories. The hosts urge writers to make every word in a query count, avoid confusing genre signals, flesh out character ambitions and jobs (beyond romance), elevate tension with surprise or emotional complexity, and to always consider how their choices will land with both agents and readers.

Perfect for writers honing their craft, seeking representation, or those curious how publishing pros react to real submissions—delivered with warmth, honesty, and the trademark humor of the show.