Podcast Summary: The Shit No One Tells You About Writing
Episode: Stage Directions, Opening and How to Avoid Them
Release Date: April 3, 2025

Introduction

In the episode titled "Stage Directions, Opening and How to Avoid Them," hosts Bianca Murray, Carly Waters, and CeCe Lira delve deep into the nuances of crafting effective query letters and compelling opening pages for novels. Targeted at emerging writers aiming to refine their craft and navigate the publishing landscape, this episode offers invaluable insights through detailed critiques and professional advice.

Books with Hooks: Query Letter Analysis

Timestamp: 02:19 - 20:12

Author's Query Letter Overview:

The first query letter reviewed is from Paul Levitt for his crime adventure mystery novel, "Death on the South Coal." The 243-word letter outlines the plot centered around Detective Chief Inspector Douglas McFarlane, who is tasked with investigating a suspicious death on Mount Everest. The story intertwines elements of murder mystery and outdoor thriller, featuring a diverse cast and complex conflicts.

Carly Waters' Feedback:

Carly critiques the query letter's clarity and effectiveness:

• Title Clarity: Carly expresses confusion over the title "Death on the South Coal," questioning its meaning and capitalization. She suggests that titles in all caps are more memorable and stand out better.

  "I don't know what south coal means... It is also not capitalized. So we always suggest with titles that they are in all caps." (02:50)

• Word Count and Pacing: At 71,000 words, the novel is appropriate in length. However, Carly recommends including a comparison to a TV show or movie to make the query more cinematic and engaging.

• Story Focus: Carly points out that the query seems to reveal too much, including the protagonist finding a new job and romance, which diminishes the suspense.

  "Detective Chief Inspector McFarlane finds a new job and a new romance, because that makes it seem like everything's tidy at the end... you want to give me a reason to want to read the book." (06:10)

• Author Bio: She advises adding more specificity to the author's bio, such as naming the lab or university the author works at, to provide context and credibility.

CeCe Lira's Feedback:

Building on Carly’s points, CeCe offers deeper analysis:

• Plot Cohesion: CeCe feels that the plot points in the query are disconnected, lacking a clear causal relationship between the protagonist's injury and the investigation's revelations.

  "I almost feel like that first half of the paragraph should go... What's the relationship, how the power struggle is." (07:55)

• Diversity and Character Roles: CeCe questions the inclusion of diverse characters like Detective Sergeant Kaira Patel and Dr. Helen Connolly, noting that their roles are not sufficiently connected to the main plot.

• Interiority and Emotional Depth: She emphasizes the need for showcasing the protagonist's internal struggle and emotions to create a more engaging narrative.

  "We just need more about him to understand why all of this is such a mystery." (09:00)

Books with Hooks: Opening Pages Analysis

Timestamp: 12:18 - 35:58

Author's Opening Pages Overview:

The opening pages of "Death on the South Coal" depict Detective Chief Inspector Douglas McFarlane's sudden interruption of a hiking vacation due to a suspicious death case. The prologue sets a tense scene with an intruder in a tent, leading to McFarlane being helicoptered to Mount Everest for investigation.

Carly Waters' Feedback:

Carly assesses the effectiveness of the opening scene:

• Prologue Utility: She appreciates the writing quality but questions the necessity of the prologue, suggesting that the jacket copy might suffice in setting the tone.

  "It's well written and I don't hate it, but are we starting in the right place... I never suggest relying on the strength of a prologue to carry you through." (14:06)

• Character Development: Carly points out the lack of emotional depth, urging the author to explore McFarlane's feelings about his boss's urgent calls and his sudden thrust back into work.

• Scene Pacing: She notes that the opening packs too much information without allowing readers to connect emotionally with the protagonist.

  "He should have jumped out of his seat when he felt like... there's something else." (34:18)

CeCe Lira's Feedback:

CeCe provides a critical analysis of the narrative structure:

• Stage Directions vs. Storytelling: She criticizes the excessive use of stage directions in the opening lines, advocating for more interiority to engage readers.

  "Don't have your first line be a stage direction. ... our brains do not imprint with stage directions. It is boring." (17:28)

• Emotional Engagement: CeCe highlights the absence of the protagonist’s emotional response to unexpected events, which diminishes the scene's impact.

  "There's no fear, there's no visceral moment of panic... it's all very factual and level-headed." (18:00)

• Power Dynamics: She emphasizes the necessity of establishing power imbalances early on to create tension and drive the narrative forward.

  "There's no power imbalance, like his best friend is... there's no part of him that's withholding anything." (22:00)

Combined Insights:

Both Carly and CeCe agree that the opening pages lack emotional depth and fail to establish a compelling hook. They recommend focusing on the protagonist's internal struggles and ensuring that plot points are interwoven seamlessly to maintain reader engagement.

Books with Hooks: Second Query Letter Analysis

Timestamp: 20:12 - 29:08

Author's Query Letter Overview:

The second query letter is from Jacob Reynolds for his contemporary YA novel, "Shadowboys." This 409-word letter presents a narrative about 17-year-old autistic band geek Jack Murray, whose life changes after gaining popularity through his friendship with the basketball team captain, Ben Newsome, leading to unexpected and traumatic events.

CeCe Lira's Feedback:

CeCe evaluates the query letter's strengths and areas for improvement:

• Narrative Clarity: She appreciates the clear presentation of the protagonist's journey but suggests incorporating a ticking time clock to heighten tension.

  "There is no mystery... It just takes one yes." (23:01)

• Emotional Resonance: CeCe notes the importance of balancing statistical data with personal storytelling to foster empathy without overwhelming the reader.

  "The stats would not make us curious. They would make us feel empathy." (24:21)

• Curiosity and Stakes: She advises adding elements that induce curiosity and establish high stakes to make the story more compelling.

Carly Waters' Feedback:

Carly adds to CeCe’s critique with additional observations:

• Title Effectiveness: She praises the title "Shadow Boys" for its uniqueness and appeal.

  "I really like the title Shadow Boys. I think that's an awesome title." (25:33)

• Plot Simplification: Carly recommends streamlining the narrative to focus on pivotal moments, such as Jack's rising popularity and subsequent conflict, to avoid clichéd storytelling.

  "It's very comfortable. It's very settled in. I just felt like, again, this is your moment to kind of shine and hook us and get us turning the pages." (34:21)

• Character Dynamics: She emphasizes the need to clarify relationships and power dynamics, especially concerning the allegation of sexual assault, to enhance character development and plot tension.

Combined Insights:

The hosts concur that while the query letter effectively outlines the protagonist's arc, it would benefit from increased emotional depth and heightened stakes to engage potential agents and readers more effectively.

Books with Hooks: Second Opening Pages Analysis

Timestamp: 29:08 - 35:58

Author's Opening Pages Overview:

The opening of "Shadow Boys" portrays Jack Murray driving to school, adjusting to his new social persona. Unexpectedly, his best friend reveals himself in the back seat, leading to a brief interaction about Jack's new appearance before they head to school.

CeCe Lira's Feedback:

CeCe critiques the opening for lacking emotional depth and dramatic tension:

• Interiority and Emotional Depth: She points out the absence of Jack's internal thoughts and feelings, which are crucial for building a connection with the reader.

  "We just need more about him to understand why all of this is such a mystery." (33:54)

• Disruption and Conflict: CeCe argues that the scene lacks significant disruption or power imbalance, making it too comfortable and unengaging as an opening.

  "He's too safe. There's no power imbalance, no real disruption, no shift in dynamics or expectations." (33:54)

• Narrative Hook: She emphasizes the need for a stronger narrative hook that incites curiosity and propels the story forward.

Carly Waters' Feedback:

Carly echoes CeCe’s sentiments and offers additional suggestions:

• Scene Engagement: She suggests adding more dramatic elements to the interaction between Jack and his best friend to heighten tension and interest.

  "Where is the drama in this moment? It's very comfortable. We just needed something else." (34:21)

• Character Reactions: Carly recommends showcasing Jack's reactions to unexpected events to enhance emotional engagement.

  "If you were driving, then, did you swerve? Did you accidentally hit your indicator?" (34:21)

• Narrative Focus: She advises focusing on unique aspects of the protagonist's experience to differentiate the story from common high school drama tropes.

Combined Insights:

Both hosts agree that the opening lacks the necessary tension and emotional complexity to captivate readers. They recommend infusing the scene with more conflict and emotional stakes to establish a compelling narrative foundation.

Conclusion

In this episode, Bianca Murray, alongside literary agents Carly Waters and CeCe Lira, provides a thorough examination of query letters and opening pages, highlighting common pitfalls and offering strategic advice to enhance storytelling and marketability. Key takeaways include the importance of clarity in titles, the necessity of emotional depth and interiority, the establishment of power dynamics, and the creation of compelling hooks to engage readers from the outset. Emerging writers are encouraged to apply these insights to refine their submissions and craft narratives that resonate with both agents and audiences.

Notable Quotes:

• "Don't have your first line be a stage direction. You are writing a novel. You want your first line to have interiority." — CeCe Lira (17:28)

• "Detective Chief Inspector McFarlane finds a new job and a new romance, because that makes it seem like everything's tidy at the end... you want to give me a reason to want to read the book." — Carly Waters (06:10)

• "Every strong opening scene has a disruption. The disruption that I see here is his friend is in the backseat and he didn't know. No, two things on that." — CeCe Lira (19:57)

Further Resources

For emerging writers seeking personalized feedback, the podcast offers opportunities to submit query letters and opening pages through their Books with Hooks segment. Engaging with these critiques can provide critical insights to elevate your writing and increase your chances of publication success.