Podcast Summary: The Shit No One Tells You About Writing

Episode: The Pinball Effect in Fiction

Release Date: November 27, 2025
Hosts: Bianca Marais, Carly Watters, CeCe Lyra

Episode Overview

In this episode, hosts Bianca, Carly, and CeCe focus on one of the most nuanced elements of crafting fiction: the Pinball Effect—how characters’ actions and reactions need to bounce off one another in dynamic, emotionally honest ways. They critique two submissions—one YA fantasy and one experimental memoir/narrative nonfiction—offering both in-depth feedback and craft advice for emerging writers. Expect honest, practical insights and the trio’s signature blend of encouragement and humor.

Segment 1: Books with Hooks – Query #1: The Last Tree in Galanthus (YA Fantasy)

Query Letter Overview

• Premise: Seventeen years after humans overthrow the Elven monarchy in Galanthus, a repressive society replaces magic with technology. The remaining Elves are marginalized; hope hinges on a trio—a hidden Elven princess, her human-raised sister, and the president’s disillusioned son—as they form an alliance to save their dying world.
• Notable Element: Author’s background growing up in South Africa informs themes of segregation and unification.

Key Critiques

Carly Watters (05:47):

• Strengths:
  • “What I think this query letter does really well… is just really like simplify the world.” (05:55)
  • Strong, concise worldbuilding.
• Improvements:
  • Main character lacks focus: “We don’t have a main character to kind of introduce as the lens in which we're going to see this through.” (06:29)
  • Characters need names for emotional connection.
  • Stakes (like the love story) feel buried.
  • Familiarity: Needs a unique hook for the reader.

CeCe Lyra (08:40):

• Strengths:
  • “I always think it's so impressive that someone can come up with such a unique and, you know, imaginative world.” (08:41)
• Improvements:
  • Too zoomed out: “It feels too big picture… like a bird flying in the sky looking down at planet Earth, as opposed to being inside planet Earth…” (08:46)
  • The princess’s power is too vague; quest specifics missing.
  • Themes are clear, but story/plot and why the reader should care are not.

Bianca Marais (11:00):

• Calls for more specificity and centering of a protagonist.

Segment 2: First Pages – The Last Tree in Galanthus

Summary of Pages (11:05)

• Prologue: In the Pale Palace, Rain (an elf) witnesses a war encroaching. An Elven baby (the exile) is born and entrusted to humans for her safety.
• Chapter One: Seventeen years later, we’re introduced to Violet (the baby’s sister) and the hidden elven princess, now raised by humans.

Critique Highlights

Carly Watters (12:45):

• Strong Opening: “I really loved the first paragraph. I thought it was so well done…” (12:46)
• Worldbuilding vs. Scene Issue:
  • “This person understands their world so deeply… But… the grasp on scene wasn't as strong as it could [be].” (14:06)
  • Reader is left doing “mental gymnastics” to orient themselves in the scene (13:48).
• Character Confusion: Not clear who Rain is or their role (15:16).
• Prologue Advice: “A prologue that leaves too many questions is a failed prologue.” (15:54)
• Dialogue: Overuse of names in dialogue tags—feels “green”/under-revised.

CeCe Lyra (19:03):

• Repetition of names = “still green” (19:06).
• Direct thoughts in italics: “Never begin your book… with direct thoughts in italic. Never. There’s no reason to.” (19:54)
• Interior Reaction Needed: “If we are [in Rain’s head], then you really need to go in.” (21:09)
• Pinball Effect Definition: “When you have a character say something… there needs to be a reaction from your protagonist… that's what makes a book a book.” (22:11)
• Chapter One Issues: “It’s just not as curiosity inducing as it needs to be… it’s these two girls just being.” (23:54)
• Hook Potential: The outsider elf premise is unique, but the story feels like an early draft.

Writer’s Craft: The Pinball Effect in Fiction

“That pinball effect is what makes a book a book. It’s so important that as the author, you really, really direct us with a lot of intentionality…”
— CeCe Lyra (22:13)

• Definition: The “pinball effect” is the constant sequence of action and reaction between characters. Each statement or gesture should provoke an immediate, specific response, creating narrative momentum and depth.
• Advice: Focus on interiority (the inside of your character’s head), specificity, and ensure scenes aren’t just descriptive but interactive at an emotional level.

Segment 3: Books with Hooks – Query #2: Crooked Soldiers (Narrative Nonfiction / Memoir)

Query Letter Overview

• Premise: Memoir/narrative nonfiction set in the MCC jail in New York; blends kung fu, mafia history, love, and incarceration using real prison letters.
• Author Bio: The author (“Mudge”) has a diverse, eclectic background (martial artist, dance company leader, animator for NASA/MTV/NBA, published author, polyglot, major social media following).

Key Critiques

CeCe Lyra (30:53):

• Genre Confusion: Memoir vs. narrative nonfiction—needs clarity (31:01).
• Personal Motivation: “You do not want to write this in your query letter… [using] your experience writing it as a hook is a problem.” (32:10)
• Focus: Two stories (love story and jailhouse bromance) feel disconnected.
• Author Bio: Impressive but too lengthy; choose top highlights relevant to this book.

Carly Watters (35:54):

• Authorial Focus: Too many achievements may signal to an agent that writing isn’t author’s main focus (36:15).
• Comp Titles: Both are dated; recommends using at least one recent comp (37:27).
• Hook & Structure: Central story unclear; reader takeaway not spelled out.
• Letters Formatting: Need to clarify if letters are the narrative spine or just a device.

Segment 4: First Pages – Crooked Soldiers

Pages Summary (41:21)

• A synopsis (which CeCe refuses to read) is provided first.
• Opening: Begins with a “bird’s eye” prologue about cremation, then a prison letter from Mike to Mudge, then an essay-style interlude about the two main characters’ births.
• Closing with a poem reflection on love and separation.

Critique Highlights

CeCe Lyra (41:21):

• Experimental Structure: “It is very experimental. Very, very, very experimental… I don’t think this is a story for me.” (41:33)
• Craft Needs: Lacks narrative structure—no clear throughline or protagonist, feels like three different beginnings (44:40).
• Memoir Technique: “Write it like a novel. A good memoir reads like a novel.” (46:09)
• Emotional Processing: Reads like therapy, not a sellable book.

Carly Watters (46:49):

• Narrative Arc: No protagonist or clear arc; reads like an “essay collection almost,” but lacks thematic linkage (47:44).
• Letters as Device: Embed selective lines, not full letters (48:53).
• Favorite Line: “Burned away was all the evidence of wrongdoing… That meant nobody did nothing wrong.” (47:16)
• Suggested Reading: Inheritance by Dani Shapiro as a model for memoir structure.

Memorable Quotes and Timestamps

• On Worldbuilding in Fantasy:

  “You did a really good job of conveying that. But… it feels too big picture. Like, it feels too zoomed out.”
  — CeCe Lyra (08:41)

• On Character Focus:

  “If we could center a main character, I think it’d be even stronger… what we want to do is follow a character through the world.”
  — Carly Watters (06:29)

• On Querying with Personal Motivation:

  “You do not want to write this in your query letter… if your book ever makes it, this is actually a really cool story to share in an author interview, but you never want to lead with that.”
  — CeCe Lyra (32:10)

• On The Pinball Effect:

  “When you have a character say something to another character, there needs to be a reaction from your protagonist… and that pinball effect is what makes a book a book.”
  — CeCe Lyra (22:11)

• On Revising Dialogue:

  “When you repeat names in dialogue, often, that is 100% a ‘my dialogue is still being workshopped.’”
  — CeCe Lyra (19:06)

• On Experimental Narrative:

  “I am reading three different books, three different beginnings.”
  — CeCe Lyra (44:46)

Best Practical Tips for Writers (According to Hosts)

• Center your main character in queries and opening pages for maximum reader engagement.
• Avoid over-explaining author motivation or grief in your query; focus on the reader’s experience.
• Anchor all experimental, nonlinear, or epistolary forms with a strong narrative arc and protagonist.
• Use comps strategically; at least one should be recent and relevant.
• Show the “pinball effect”: every action warrants a reaction—in narrative, dialogue, and emotion.
• Direct thoughts in italics and over-naming in dialogue are often signs of early drafts; revise for subtlety and depth.

Timestamps for Notable Segments

| Topic | Timestamp | |---------------------------------------------------|-----------| | Carly’s critique of The Last Tree in Galanthus query | 05:47 | | CeCe on the need for specificity and the “quest” | 08:40 | | Pinball effect explained by CeCe | 22:11 | | CeCe on query motivation & memoir/narrative nonfiction | 30:53 | | Carly on comps and author bio in nonfiction query | 35:54 | | CeCe and Carly’s analysis of experimental memoir pages | 41:21–49:36|

Conclusion & Next Steps

This episode delivers a masterclass on constructing dynamic, character-driven scenes—the crux of their “Pinball Effect” metaphor—while offering tough-love guidance for early-stage manuscripts and queries. Writers are reminded to foreground the actionable, emotionally engaging aspects of story, build strong narrative arcs, and be strategic when pitching their work.

“Remember, what we say is very subjective… If there are any experimental agents out there who love this, give us a call.”
— Bianca Marais (49:36)

Next episodes: Author interview next week; Books with Hooks returns in two weeks.

For submitting to Books with Hooks or learning more, visit The Shit No One Tells You About Writing website.