Podcast Summary: The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Show
Episode: Candace Bushnell On Modern Dating, Sex & The City, & Evolving Gender Roles In Society
Hosts: Lauryn Bosstick & Michael Bosstick
Guest: Candace Bushnell
Date: September 25, 2025
Episode Overview
In this candid, fiery, and frequently humorous conversation, Lauryn and Michael Bosstick sit down with Candace Bushnell—legendary author, TV producer, and star of her own one-woman show, True Tales of Sex Success and Sex in the City. Together, they explore the evolving landscape of modern dating, reflect on the legacy of Sex and the City, debate shifting gender roles, and discuss challenges and triumphs unique to women—both in relationships and careers. The episode brims with honest takes on feminism, societal change, money, relationships, and, true to form, some playful tension.
Structured Summary
Candace's Writing Process and Career (00:55–12:11)
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Routine & Discipline:
- Candace shares her rigorous writing process: "Six hours a day, ten pages a day, whichever comes first." (01:16)
- Writing a novel requires total immersion: "When I'm really writing a book, I don't go out...maybe an hour a day." (02:36)
- Completing a book is a multi-year investment including editing and revisions.
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Creative Voice & Reception:
- Candace’s voice is rooted in the absurdity of life: "It's absurd. It's about how absurd life is…that was really what's driven all my writing." (04:12)
- Discusses how readers bring their own baggage to her work, leading to varied and sometimes harsh criticism, especially in the age of Amazon reviews and social media. (05:55)
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Talent vs. Discipline:
- Some success comes down to an unquantifiable "X factor." You need both natural ability and an obsessive drive: "If you're going to be a writer or an actor or an artist, you have to have that innate passion where you feel like if you don't do this, you just have no reason for living." (07:50)
- Offers that there is no formula or universal tip for would-be writers: "There are a million different paths, but it's really about...the single mindedness of doing it." (09:26)
Modern Dating & Social Change (12:11–19:00)
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Shift Toward Independence:
- Candace notes the transformation in dating since the 90s, attributing it to increased personal independence: "We now live in an era where it's all about being an independent person and not depending on other people." (12:18)
- Societal and technological advances have made being single—and thriving as such—easier and more common: "The future is really more and more single." (13:33)
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Cultural Dialogue:
- Pushback against concerns about population decline (Elon Musk) and the old economic model: "I completely disagree with that...you can figure out how to make the economy work with fewer people." (15:29)
- Technology amplifies both isolation and overstimulation; with so much external input, partners have to stand out: "The person better be fucking great, because if you're not fucking great, then I don't wanna be overstimulated anymore." (16:50)
Gender Roles & Feminism (17:29–37:41)
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The Reality of Relationships:
- Candace is openly critical of the "family" structure touted as ideal: "The family thing, it works for a small percentage of people...the problem is that it doesn't work for so many women because men are abusive, they leave..." (17:58)
- Technology and changing norms give women choices not available a generation ago.
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Sexism & Early Awareness:
- Candace recalls discovering sexism as early as kindergarten: "Women could only be four things: nurse, teacher, secretary, or librarian." (19:39)
- Her lifelong feminism is core to her worldview: "I've always questioned it. It's in my nature, it's in my personality to question it." (23:25)
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Women, Money & Power:
- She details ongoing economic inequities:
- Only "three and a half percent" of women in the 1% made their own money; the rest married or inherited it (32:11)
- Access to venture capital remains minuscule for women (33:03)
- Advocates for more women empowerment and economic agency.
- Engages with Michael in a lively debate about the pessimism some perceive in feminism and women’s prospects, stressing the facts while recognizing the progress made and the importance of persistence. (34:05–37:10)
- She details ongoing economic inequities:
Sex, Aging, and Societal Expectations (37:41–54:23)
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Dating & Sex After 50:
- Candace’s honesty about dating after 60 surprised readers with its realism, not negativity: "I was surprised when people said that they found it depressing...I think it's just a reality." (37:52)
- She laments persistent sexism in men—particularly older generations: "For a super successful man who's in his 70s…he's definitely sexist. He grew up in an era where that was just how everybody was." (38:13)
- Michael challenges her on stereotypes: "Don't you think there's maybe some issue with painting a picture if all men are sexist as the only man on the show right now?" (40:02)
- Candace pushes back but concedes: "Maybe it's not all men, but it's enough men." (41:18)
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Splitting the Check & Changing Dating Norms:
- Regarding the "splitting the check" debate: "Whoever pays is the person who's in charge. And...you're gonna pay one way or another. I prefer to pay with my own money." (45:50)
- Candace feels women should be more comfortable paying: "It would be helpful for women if they paid for men more often...It should be acceptable for a woman my age to be with a guy who’s 35." (47:19)
- Lauryn admits, "I wanna make the money…and I don’t wanna split the check ever," highlighting generational and personal contradictions (45:04).
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OnlyFans and Sex Work:
- Discussion on the normalization of monetized sexuality: "There's like a large percentage of women who are on OnlyFans...they're basically, they're selling some form of sex." (49:23)
Personal Preferences & Relationships (50:26–53:23)
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Candace's Dating Criteria:
- Looks for someone who enjoys the same social life and energy of NYC: "I really just want somebody who's like, in my world." (50:33)
- She enjoys social outings and interesting company rather than traditional relationship templates.
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Aging and Dating:
- Open to dating younger men and dispels the taboo: "It should be acceptable for a woman my age to be with a guy who's 35...if I had more money, I'd be happy to pay for him. I don't care." (48:50)
The One-Woman Show (54:23–63:24)
- Taking on the Stage:
- Candace details the serendipitous genesis of her show during the pandemic after a suggestion from a producer: "I had never done it. I've never been on stage. And I was like, it was the pandemic. So I thought, all right, I'll give it a try." (54:28)
- The format is tightly scripted, not ad-libbed, but Candace finds comfort and exhilaration in live performance: "The strange thing is I don't feel at all uncomfortable being on stage." (55:55)
- Universally positive audience reactions, often with standing ovations: "It seems to get a universal, really good response, which is great because, you know, when you write a book, it's like, some people love it, some people don't." (62:51)
Sex and the City: Legacy, Characters, & Rapid Fire (67:46–72:42)
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Connection to Characters:
- On her Sex and the City alter ego: "Carrie Bradshaw was my alter ego...I am Carrie Bradshaw." (68:13)
- She did not marry her “Mr. Big”—instead, her epiphany: "I don't want to be with Mr. Big. I want to be Mr. Big." (69:38)
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Personal Relationships with Cast:
- Candace likes all the actresses but doesn’t hang out with them regularly; closest to Kim Cattrall, in part due to a mutual friendship with Darren Star. (70:42)
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Book Recommendation:
- Cites How to Lose Your Mother by Molly Jong-Fast as her current favorite read: "It's so honest...she talks about fame and kind of the price of fame and it's really good." (71:52)
Notable Quotes and Moments
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On Writing and Criticism:
“With every single book that I've written… People come with all of their history, neuroses, psychoses, all of their prejudices. They bring to your writing.” (03:22, Candace Bushnell) -
On Feminism:
“I have really been a feminist ever since I was a little girl. I was hyper aware of sexism, really. And I’ve always…questioned it.” (19:08) -
On Relationships:
“The family thing, it works for a small percentage of people. That’s the problem. And, you know, the problem with telling women that, ‘Oh, they've got to find a guy and their only route to happiness is being married and having kids.’ The problem with that is that it doesn't work for so many women.” (17:58) -
On Independence and Mr. Big:
“I don't want to be with Mr. Big. I want to be Mr. Big.” (69:38) -
On Gender Roles in Dating:
“You're going to pay one way or another. I prefer to pay with my own money.” (45:50) -
On Societal Commentary:
“Maybe it's not all men, but it's enough men.” (41:18)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- Candace's Writing Routine: 01:09–04:11
- Talent vs. Discipline in Writing: 07:17–10:43
- How Dating Has Changed: 12:11–14:32
- Singlehood & Technology: 15:29–17:29
- Sexism in Culture: 19:08–23:25
- Women, Money & 1% Stats: 31:11–33:03
- Debate on Gender Equity: 34:05–37:10
- Sex After 50 – Public Reaction: 37:41–39:38
- Splitting the Check/Gender Dynamics: 43:19–48:50
- What Candace Looks For in a Partner: 50:26–51:32
- Her One-Woman Show: 54:23–56:08
- Sex and the City Characters & Alter Ego: 68:13–70:15
- Best Recent Book: 71:52–72:32
Takeaway
This episode provides a sweeping, intimate, and sometimes provocative look at the evolving realities of gender, dating, and personal agency. Candace Bushnell, as witty and incisive as ever, offers a fresh reminder of feminism’s importance and the ongoing journey for equality, autonomy, and fulfillment—on our own terms.
Find Candace Bushnell:
Upcoming Show:
- True Tales of Sex Success and Sex in the City, December 5, Adler Theater, NYC
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