Mel Robbins On Life-Changing Tools & Habits To Rise Up And Build Your Dream Life In 2025 & Beyond

Summary

The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast
Episode Summary: Mel Robbins On Life-Changing Tools & Habits To Rise Up And Build Your Dream Life In 2025 & Beyond
Release Date: January 6, 2025

In this transformative episode of The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast, hosts Lauryn Everts and Michael Bostic engage in a profound conversation with Mel Robbins, a New York Times bestselling author and renowned podcast host. The discussion delves deep into Mel Robbins' life-changing strategies, including the acclaimed Five-Second Rule and the innovative Let Them Theory. This episode is packed with actionable insights aimed at empowering listeners to overcome anxiety, build productive habits, and foster healthier relationships.

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1. Introduction to Mel Robbins and Her Impact

[01:07] Lauryn Everts:
Mel Robbins introduces herself, highlighting her journey of overcoming personal struggles through the Five-Second Rule. She emphasizes its enduring effectiveness, stating, "To this day, 14 years after inventing 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, to get out of bed, I still use it to get out of bed."

Notable Quote:
Mel Robbins [01:07]: "This episode is going to change your life. It changed mine. It changed Michael's."

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2. The Five-Second Rule: Breaking Procrastination and Building Habits

Mel Robbins explains the genesis and application of the Five-Second Rule—a simple countdown ("5, 4, 3, 2, 1") used to interrupt hesitation and prompt immediate action. She shares personal anecdotes illustrating how this method helped her overcome severe anxiety and depression during a financial crisis in 2008.

Key Insights:

• Overcoming Hesitation: The countdown acts as a bridge between intention and action, preventing procrastination.
• Neuroscience Backing: Initiating action disrupts the default brain response favoring ease over effort.

Notable Quote:
Mel Robbins [10:48]: "You are hardwired to default and do the thing that's easy. That's why you sit on the couch instead of going to the gym."

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3. Understanding and Managing Emotions

The conversation shifts to the distinction between emotions and actions. Mel asserts that while emotions are automatic and uncontrollable, individuals have the power to choose their responses. She emphasizes that waiting for motivation is ineffective; instead, taking action regardless of how one feels is crucial.

Key Insights:

• Emotion vs. Action: Recognizing that emotions shouldn't dictate actions allows for more consistent personal growth.
• Replacement of Negative Patterns: The Five-Second Rule serves as a tool to replace detrimental habits with positive ones.

Notable Quote:
Mel Robbins [19:52]: "You can learn this skill of taking action no matter how you feel."

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4. The Let Them Theory: Letting Go to Gain Control

Mel introduces the Let Them Theory, a mindset tool focused on distinguishing between what one can control and what one cannot. By adopting this theory, individuals learn to let go of external factors and focus on their own thoughts, actions, and emotional responses.

Key Insights:

• Three Controllable Elements: What you think, what you do, and whether you allow your emotions to rise and fall.
• Reducing External Control: Letting go of the need to control others' actions or opinions reduces unnecessary stress and conserves personal energy.

Notable Quote:
Mel Robbins [51:28]: "If you're stuck, you're allowing other people to drain your time and energy."

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5. Practical Applications: From Personal Growth to Relationships

The hosts and Mel Robbins explore how the Five-Second Rule and Let Them Theory can be applied to various aspects of life, including personal development, professional endeavors, and relationships.

Key Applications:

• Daily Routines: Using the Five-Second Rule to establish productive morning routines, such as getting out of bed without hitting snooze.
• Professional Life: Encouraging decisive action in business settings, like renegotiating leases or restructuring finances.
• Relationships: Promoting open communication and boundary-setting to foster healthier interpersonal dynamics.

Notable Quote:
Mel Robbins [27:10]: "The moment you start counting, it's a Trojan horse."

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6. Overcoming Social Media and External Judgments

A significant portion of the discussion addresses the pervasive influence of social media and societal expectations. Mel Robbins advises against seeking validation from others and encourages focusing on self-expression without fear of judgment.

Key Insights:

• Authentic Self-Expression: Posting on social media for personal growth rather than approval.
• Managing External Opinions: Understanding that others' perceptions are beyond one's control and should not hinder personal progress.

Notable Quote:
Mel Robbins [91:58]: "You give power to other people over something you have no control over. It's ridiculous."

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7. Emotional Maturity and Handling Conflicts

Mel Robbins delves into emotional maturity, particularly within parenting and romantic relationships. She emphasizes the importance of managing one's emotions to prevent destructive behaviors like rage texting or the silent treatment.

Key Insights:

• Responsibility Over Emotions: Recognizing that one is only responsible for their own emotional responses, not others'.
• Conflict Resolution: Encouraging calm and constructive responses during conflicts to maintain healthy relationships.

Notable Quote:
Mel Robbins [96:07]: "You do not feel like addressing this. So you don't want to do it."

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8. Healing from Breakups and Embracing New Beginnings

The conversation culminates with strategies for recovering from breakups using the Let Them Theory. Mel Robbins outlines a 30-day cleanse to sever emotional ties and reset one's life, promoting the importance of moving forward to embrace new opportunities.

Key Insights:

• 30-Day Cleanse: Removing reminders of the past relationship to facilitate emotional healing.
• Focus on the Future: Redirecting energy towards personal goals and new beginnings instead of dwelling on lost relationships.

Notable Quote:
Mel Robbins [101:19]: "Every single human being you know is an 8-year-old in a big body."

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9. Conclusion and Final Takeaways

As the episode wraps up, Mel Robbins reinforces the power of the Five-Second Rule and Let Them Theory as essential tools for personal transformation. She encourages listeners to take immediate action towards their goals, letting go of external pressures and focusing on what they can control.

Final Thoughts:

• Take Action Daily: Consistent, small actions lead to significant life changes over time.
• Empowerment Through Control: By focusing on controllable aspects of life, individuals can navigate challenges with confidence and clarity.

Notable Quote:
Mel Robbins [107:40]: "You're stronger than this. You're bigger than this."

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Key Takeaways:

• Five-Second Rule: A simple countdown to prompt immediate action, breaking the cycle of procrastination and hesitation.
• Let Them Theory: A mindset shift focusing on controlling one's thoughts, actions, and emotional responses while letting go of the need to control others.
• Emotional Control: Understanding that while emotions are involuntary, responses are within one's control, enabling better decision-making and relationship management.
• Practical Application: Implementing these theories can lead to improved personal habits, professional success, and healthier relationships.

This episode serves as a powerful guide for anyone seeking to enhance their life through actionable strategies rooted in psychological principles and personal resilience. Mel Robbins' insights provide listeners with the tools needed to overcome obstacles, build meaningful habits, and foster fulfilling relationships.

Transcript

[Lauren Everts]

The following podcast is a Dear Media Production.

[Michael Bostic]

She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire.

[Lauren Everts]

Fantastic.

[Michael Bostic]

And he's a serial entrepreneur, a very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride.

[Mel Robbins]

Get ready for some major realness.

[Michael Bostic]

Welcome to the Skinny Confidential. Him and her.

[Lauren Everts]

You get to choose who and how you love. And what's challenging is that so do they. And oftentimes they're not going to choose you. And the thing that I see as the scariest part is that when you start to date and you in the attraction zone and it's really like awesome. That's great, that's fine. You're two consenting adults, right? But then there's going to come a moment in time where you start to realize that you want to take it to the next level. This is the most dangerous moment because most people are afraid to actually ask for what they want because they're afraid that the person doesn't want the same thing.

[Mel Robbins]

Holy shit. This episode is going to change your life. It changed mine. It changed Michael's. I could not be more proud of this one. Mel Robbins is a New York Times bestselling author and world renowned podcast host. On this episode, you're gonna discover one mindset hack that will change your life forever. I can confirm I've been. It is powerful. You're also going to get tips that are science backed to prioritize what truly matters and reclaim your time. This is the way to start the year. Send this to all your friends, your family members. Everyone needs this. Especially if you're looking for more confidence. This is the one, guys. I took notes. Mel Robbins, welcome to the him and her show.

[Michael Bostic]

This is the Skinny Confidential.

[Lauren Everts]

Him and Her.

[Mel Robbins]

Mel Robbins. I might have DMed you 100 times. Maybe in 2013, to be honest. You go back, you're just gonna see me DMing you. You're finally here. I'm so excited.

[Lauren Everts]

Did you get the restraining order?

[Mel Robbins]

Maybe. I might be the one with the restraining order. But you're here. I never give up. If I can't go through the door, the front door, the back door, the window, I'm coming down the fucking chimney.

[Lauren Everts]

So you're here.

[Michael Bostic]

How about you heard that? Ho ho.

[Lauren Everts]

Santa, let's go.

[Michael Bostic]

How about you heard that rustling in your bushes late at night outside your bedroom window?

[Lauren Everts]

Yes. I live in Vermont, so I thought it was a bear or something.

[Mel Robbins]

When is the last time that you used the 5 second rule yourself?

[Lauren Everts]

This morning to get out of bed because I was hungover.

[Mel Robbins]

Tell us about that. You just woke up and you felt like shit.

[Lauren Everts]

Well, first of all, for anybody that can just spring out of bed, you're a weirdo. Let's just get that straight. Okay? Case in point. Right here.

[Michael Bostic]

I am a bit of a. I.

[Lauren Everts]

Rest my case, you, Honor. Secondly, I think that the information that's out there about habits is actually wrong. You know how there's a kind of this folklore that if you do something for 21 days in a row, suddenly it becomes a habit? I believe that's only true if you like it. See, if you don't like doing something, you will always have to force yourself to do it. I personally do not like unloading the dishwasher. I make myself do it. I don't like folding clothes. I like throwing the dirty stuff in. I make myself do it. I don't like cleaning out the cat box or picking up the dog poop in the yard. I make myself do it every single morning. And I am the person that invented the five second rule to get myself out of bed when the anxiety was so bad and the problems in my life were so crushing that I just felt like I couldn't get out of bed. To this day, 14 years after inventing 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, to get out of bed, I still use it to get out of bed.

[Mel Robbins]

Why don't you like to get out of bed today? And why didn't you like to get out of bed when you had the anxiety and depression? Are they the same reason?

[Lauren Everts]

Great question. So there's a million reasons why I don't want to get out of bed. If I'm in a great bed and the sheets are awesome, it feels so good.

[Mel Robbins]

That's true.

[Lauren Everts]

And if my husband of 28 years is sitting in there with me, I might wanna stay a little longer.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah.

[Lauren Everts]

And if I have a lot of things that are going on that day and it's a very busy day, I don't necessarily wanna just jump up and face it. And so the reasons why you might not wanna get out of bed are endless. It could be stored trauma. Like a lot of people don't know this. Anxiety tends to be the highest in the morning for five reasons. Number one, cortisol levels the stress hormone, and they call it the stress hormone, but it's also the energy hormone because cortisol creates this response in you to get you up and going. Right. So cortisol is its highest. That's number one. Number two, if you've been drinking the night before as you are processing alcohol and the sugar levels drop in your body. The number one symptom of a hangover is what? Anxiety. When you wake up in the morning, if you have an experience of being a child, where you had chaos or abuse in your household, or you were dealing with conditions that children shouldn't, whether it's poverty or racism, you would wake up with a sense of dread because of what you were waking up to. That is a form of trauma that a lot of people still experience every single morning when they wake up. If you are not happy in your life and you wake up and you have to go through yet another day, that's really hard. It feels a lot easier to stay in bed because you immediately think about all the things that you need to do. And anxiety is largely either a physiological response in your body or it is you thinking about something that's in the future that you're uncertain or overwhelmed about and you doubting your capacity to deal with it. And so way back when, when it would have been 2000, 2008, February of 2008. My husband and I am 41 years old. We have three kids under the age of 10. My husband has gone into the restaurant business. See, she knows well, her dad's in the restaurant business. Well, there you go. So he opens a pizza restaurant. And the first one was a home run. And so like complete morons, we checked. We cashed out our Entire Life Savings, 401k plan, kids, college savings. We took out credit cards, we took out a home equity line, because what could possibly go wrong? Well, this was 2007 when this happened, which was when the. Yep. See the global housing crisis hit. And I found myself at the age of 41 in a situation I never thought would happen, where we were $800,000 in debt, three kids, three kids under 10. Liens hit the house, friends and family had invested. I then lost my job. We were in a financial free fall. And like a high functioning person, I dealt with these problems by drinking myself into the ground and blaming everything on my husband, Chris. I mean.

[Michael Bostic]

And you're still together though?

[Lauren Everts]

Yes.

[Michael Bostic]

Oh, there's a story there that we'll get to.

[Lauren Everts]

Yeah, there's a, there's a lot of advice and story there too. And what happened is, you know, look, here's my belief about people. Everybody has just incredible potential and people know when they're struggling, you know, when you're letting yourself go, you know, when you're not making healthy decisions, you know, when you are not kind of pushing yourself to reach your potential. And yet if you Find yourself in a situation like I found myself in, where you start to feel very discouraged about where you are. And you start to feel trapped in the place that you're at or the patterns of behavior that you're in. You start to lose hope that any of the little things that people recommend could actually help. And when you don't have hope, there's absolutely no willingness to try. And so I would wake up every morning and look, guys, I knew I needed to get a job. Did I get one? No. I knew I needed to stop drinking. Did I stop? No. I knew I needed to stop screaming at Chris. It's not like he tried to do this. I knew I needed to get the kids on the bus. I knew I needed to exercise. I knew I needed to call my parents and my friends and tell them what was going. I didn't do any of it. And this is the fundamental issue that a lot of people struggle with. I struggled with it, which is knowing what you need to do doesn't make you do it. And if you're listening and spending time together with us right now, there is an area of your life where you know what you need to do to make more money or to be healthier or to stop dating losers or to stop talking yourself out of starting that thing you want to start and yet you don't do it. And every single day that goes by where you allow self doubt to win or you stop yourself or you avoid the thing that you know that you really deeply in your heart want to be doing, you are actually giving up on yourself and you slowly start to feel more and more discouraged. And that was me. And so I discovered the five second rule, because one night I was sitting there and I don't know if you two have ever been in such a breakdown where you actually talk to yourself out loud. I mean, that's one thing to talk into a mic to other people. It's another thing to be talking to yourself in your own living room.

[Michael Bostic]

Shit, I might be in a breakdown every day.

[Lauren Everts]

Yeah, there you go. And so I literally was sitting there going, all right, that's it. Tomorrow morning, Mel Robbins, it's the new you. Tomorrow morning, woman. You're getting a job. You're going to stop being so mean to Chris. You're going to call your parents and tell them what's going on. You're going to get your butt out there and start exercising because we know it's good for you. You're going to get those kids on the bus. You are going to start doing the things you need to do. And by God, woman, when that alarm rings, you're not going to lay there like a human pot roast in bed, staring at the feet, at the ceiling, marinating in your problems. You are going to get out of bed. And at that exact moment, a rocket ship launched across the television screen at the end of a commercial. And it gave me this crazy idea. I was like, it's a sign from God. Oh, my God, that's it. The moment the alarm rings, Mel, you're going to launch yourself out of bed. You're going to move so fast, you're not going to be in that bed when the anxiety hits. Now, look, I had had four bourbon Manhattans that night. That's probably what gave me that idea, because it sounds kind of stupid, right?

[Michael Bostic]

But you like all that vermouth, all the sweet vermouth.

[Lauren Everts]

Well, who said I'd put vermouth in it? Just mash up the cherries.

[Michael Bostic]

Fair enough.

[Lauren Everts]

If you're from the Midwest. So the very next morning, and this is the piece, story aside, to really understand, because this will change your life, your whole life comes down to these five second windows. And it's a window of time that once I explain this to you, you will never not see this. So there's this moment where you instinctually know what you should or could do. And that's your potential calling. That's the real you, the authentic you speaking to you. But then you make a fatal mistake because then you stop and consider whether or not you feel like doing it. And there's this moment of hesitation where you stop and think, how do I feel? Do I want to do this? And so that morning, it was a Tuesday morning in February 2008. And I believe you're one decision away from a very different life, one decision away from a different marriage, one decision away from different health. Because one decision that is intentional and aligned with your power and your potential actually turns your life in the direction it's supposed to go. It's like the first domino that tips. And what's super cool about dominoes is the first one falls and hits the next one, but as the second one hits the third, it can knock over something that's like 10 times its size because of the momentum of the forward action. So that morning, Tuesday morning, 2008, 41 years old, $800,000 in debt, can barely put gas in the tank and food on the table. I had developed this pattern of hitting the snooze button over and over and over and over again. And as you're listening to us right now. You may be in that place right now. You may be in the place where the first decision that you make is avoidance and procrastination. That instead of getting out of bed and facing the date, you actually pick up your phone and you rot in bed and you avoid doing what you need to do. That is you actually robbing yourself of the potential of what is possible in your life and the power that you have. And it comes down to this split five second decision. And so that morning, the alarm goes off. And I immediately remember that stupid idea of counting backwards. And I'm like, ugh, it's dark, it's cold. I don't feel like it's like, how is this going to help Getting like, ah. And I start reaching for the snooze button. And then I don't know why, you guys, I literally just started counting backwards. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And I stood up. And that was the first morning in months that I'd actually gotten out of bed when the alarm rang the first time, and I got the kids on the bus. And the next morning, same thing happened. The alarm went off. I remember that stupid idea. 5, 4, 3, 2. And then I started thinking, well, I don't feel like it and what's it gonna solve? And I don't really want to. And 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I'm up again. And it was the third morning where I said to myself, look, Mel, because I'm a kind of cynical person, you know, And I think when you're really stuck, you're kind of married to your stuckness, right? Cause you know it. And it's kind of scary to take a step forward because what if it doesn't work? I mean, as weird as that sounds like, you almost don't believe that it's gonna work. So you talk yourself out of it. I was kind of like saying to myself, look, you're about to lose everything you care about because your drinking is spiraling. Like, you and Chris are fighting like crazy. You're in financial freefall and the bills are piling up and the bankruptcy letters are coming in. Like, you gotta. You gotta try something. What if. What if this countdown technique actually is something? What if this could help you just move forward right now? And so I made myself a promise that if there was any moment during that day where I knew what I could or should do, but I didn't feel like doing it, that I would count backwards and do it, whether it was picking up the phone, because, you know, I need a job. And I don't know about you guys, but I don't like people. I don't like talking to people. So I don't want to pick up a phone and network with it, but. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I need a job. I need to get outside, even though it's February outside of Boston, and I need to move my body. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I'm out the door, and I'm gonna tell you something 15 second decision at a time. I slowly turned my life around, and it's not glamorous, it's grueling. And my husband started using it to. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Go back into the business. Renegotiate leases with landlords. 5, 4, 3, two, one. Restructure the P&L. 5, 4, 3, Two, one. Work 100 hours. A. 3, 2, 1. Don't snap at the kids. Don't like, just. We just slowly started inching our life forward, and that's how it all began. And so one of the things that I also want to say is that using the five second rule in this countdown technique, because I think we all know that we need to force ourselves to do things, but we don't. What I love about this thing is that it's a tool. Concepts are things you think about. Like we all think about motivation. And the truth is motivation is complete and utter garbage. You are wasting your life if you're sitting around waiting for motivation to strike because it's not coming. Motivation just means you feel like doing something. And the thing about the human brain is that we are hardwired to default and do the thing that's easy. That's why we sit on the couch instead of going to the gym. That's why you avoid the hard conversation. That's why I was laying in bed. It's easy.

[Michael Bostic]

It's also like why you stay in bad relationships or in bad jobs and all these things. Yeah, but it sounds like with this rule, it essentially doesn't allow you the time to start talking yourself out of something.

[Lauren Everts]

Yes. See, I now know why it works. It's considered what's called a starting ritual. And a starting ritual is a little tool that you can use to trigger yourself for positive new behavior change. Because here's the thing about habits and the patterns that you're stuck in, patterns actually don't break. You have to replace them with something else. So if you're in a pattern in your life, whether it's oversleeping or it's not speaking up at work, or it's accepting Less than the love and the treatment that you deserve in a relationship, that pattern is going to repeat itself until you recognize it, you interrupt it, and you replace it with something different. You know, nobody becomes sober until they first stop drinking and then replace it with something else. And the same is true with anything in human behavior. And the exciting thing is that if you have a tool that allows you to just interrupt your feelings, then you now have power over your feelings. And the mistake that I made for 41 years was thinking how I felt had to dictate what I do. And that's the problem. You can learn this skill of taking action no matter how you feel. You can feel afraid. And 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Push yourself to do it.

[Michael Bostic]

So let me ask you this. When people that follow you and listen to you and watch your stuff, when they. There's been a big moment here where it's like, well, I feel a lot of people are in their feelings these days, which I don't find anything wrong with. But it's.

[Lauren Everts]

Well, first of all, if you understand the psychology of it, your feelings are actually automatic. You have no control over the feelings that rise up. And if you really think about the fact that none of us really understand our emotions. And so if you wake up in the morning and you feel unmotivated, or you feel dread, or you feel overwhelmed, or you feel scared, you can't stop those feelings from coming up. But you do have a choice. And this is where the let them theory also comes in, about how you respond in that moment. And for far too long, I was the kind of person and most people are because we don't understand the nature of emotion versus thought and action. I was the kind of person that was waiting around to feel like doing something. And I'm here to tell you that if you're going to wait to feel motivated and ready to do something, it means you're never gonna do it.

[Michael Bostic]

Well, what I was gonna ask you is, do you think it can be a vulnerability to feel, that you need to feel good about things all the time in order to do them? Like, I don't feel good all the time about a lot of things I do. Meaning, like, not a bad person, but, like, I don't feel good when I have to drag my ass to the gym. I don't feel good when I have to.

[Lauren Everts]

Why would you?

[Michael Bostic]

But the point is, like, you have to do them. And I'm wondering if we're living in an age where people are maybe delusional to the sense that they feel they need to feel good all the time in order to do certain things.

[Lauren Everts]

See, I think we've mistaken motivation forever and that I also believe people are focused on the wrong thing. When you talk about discipline or willpower, I actually don't think you need either one of those things. I think you need a tool, and you need to recognize that you have the ability to feel sad or feel scared. And five, four, three, two, one, take the action. And what we know based on the science, is that when you take the action, the action overrides the feeling.

[Mel Robbins]

It's almost a little bit of a habit stack, too. You feel the feeling, you habit stack it with the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And so you almost. You probably, I would think now you do this naturally.

[Lauren Everts]

Yeah. Oh. So what it did is it built this skill that anyone can learn and that you need to learn, because anybody that you admire, whether they have the health that you want or they've built the business that you want, or they're an influencer and that's what you want to do, or they have the relationship that you want, Anything that somebody else has created, you can absolutely create for yourself. No question in my mind. But if you're waiting around to feel ready, you're not going to do it. And what I have found, and I think my story in terms of the crazy amount of success that I have built from 14 years ago in the whole rock bottom moment to where I am now, there's nothing different about me. Literally, there's nothing, like, unique. I just did what most people and what I even couldn't do. I get out of bed on the mornings when I don't feel like it's. And I do the boring, unglamorous, tedious, annoying things.

[Mel Robbins]

Give us a couple of examples of something that you find boring. Oh, my gosh. You mentioned the dishes. What else? Give us little things.

[Lauren Everts]

How about looking at analytics in a business and trying to figure out the universal tracking method codes that aren't working? That's kind of boring. What about the toilet paper running out at the office and seeing that the Amazon order didn't come through? That's kind of boring.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah.

[Lauren Everts]

What about trying to figure out how we're gonna rebook somebody that cancel? Like, that's kind of boring. Driving the cat to the vet. That's boring. We don't like, literally like, what isn't boring. And the thing is, is that we. Again, what also happens is even if you get started with your health goals. Right. The research shows they did this interesting research on Strava where they crunched like, I don't even. It's like 800 million pieces of data. And they figured out that on day 19, they call it Quitters Day. Day 19 of somebody deciding you're gonna get in shape. Day 19 is when people quit. Why? Because that's when it gets boring and you don't see results yet. And so your feelings that this isn't working and you don't really like doing this and all of those feelings come up, so you quit. And the thing that I never did, thanks to the five second rule, is I've built this skill of just doing the reps. You know, you go to the gym, it is not that exciting to do a bicep curl, but you gotta put the reps in. And I have a. We have a daughter who's a singer songwriter, and she has now adopted this terminology too. She's like, I'm just doing the reps. I'm on my own timeline. And you are going to screw yourself over if you're like, by when, by 30. I'm gonna do this. Because you're gonna give up if you don't think that you're going closer to it. See, I think you need to learn the skill of getting out of bed and doing the reps, whatever the reps are. And you can figure out what they are. Because the greatest thing about life and the let them theory is going to help you with this, is that other people don't block your way. Like, there's so much success and happiness and wealth and friendship and love and success to go around, it's in limitless supply. And you make the mistake of thinking that because somebody else has done something that you want, somehow it's blocking your ability to do it.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, I feel like that's an excuse not to execute.

[Lauren Everts]

Well, it is and it's extremely common. And the thing about it is is that the sad thing is that if somebody else has what you want, they have demonstrated a formula that helps you get it.

[Mel Robbins]

It's funny when you talk about the reps because that people, they ask all the time. You get asked this, I'm sure too. When was the epiphany where you went viral or when it. It's just reps. That's all it is. My whole career for the last 13 years is Reps. And it's not giving up. It's not giving up, it's reps. You're giving a little Jay Z, the Jay Z quote, the genius thing I did.

[Michael Bostic]

Anyone ever compared you to Jay Z?

[Lauren Everts]

No, but I'll take it. That's a humongous compliment.

[Mel Robbins]

The genius thing we did was never give up. It's the same energy.

[Lauren Everts]

Yes. And here's the other thing. So like if you take the five second rule, which is what fundamentally changed my relationship with myself, because I realized that inside of me. And this is why I believe with every cell of my body in the unbelievable potential of every human being, the person like as you're spending time with us right now and you're listening to us in the car or on your walk, I believe that about you. And no one can block you from that potential but yourself. And when you learn this skill that you can have emotion and opinions about things, but just focus 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. On the thing that needs to get done. And I'm going to give you another example of this to just really drive this home. So the most famous tagline in the world, Nike, Just do it. Right. If you think about those three words, just do it. What is the most important word in those three words?

[Michael Bostic]

Who just.

[Lauren Everts]

Bingo. Ugh.

[Mel Robbins]

Come on. He's always right. Why is it just.

[Lauren Everts]

Well, imagine if the tagline had been do it. That's not that motivating. In fact the human wiring cause the.

[Michael Bostic]

Just makes it simple. It's like it's simply. That's the formula. It's like you just have to do it.

[Lauren Everts]

Actually it's something deeper. So you were talking about feelings. And the reason why this is the most powerful corporate tagline in the world is because Nike is recognizing your humanity. They're recognizing both your desire to jump in the game and they're recognizing that as you're standing there on the sideline, it's your own self doubt and your own excuses that are making you hesitate. You're stopping to think and so they're beckoning you. They're basically saying, I see you over there and I see your potential and I see you holding yourself back. Just do it.

[Michael Bostic]

I wonder if my mother wrote that and smacked me upside the head.

[Lauren Everts]

Seriously, that's why, that's why. Do you see, do you see the power in that though?

[Michael Bostic]

100%. Yeah. No, like I said, like the way I look at it is. It's like what registers in my head and the reason I said justice. Because it's just, it, it's, it's a very, it's a simple concept as well. It's not overcomplicated. People overcomplicate everything.

[Lauren Everts]

Yeah, I feel. Well true. And if you're already stuck in subconscious patterns and you're already stressed and beating yourself up. You have no ability to apply something intellectual or complicated. And what I've found in my life is that the bigger the problem or the bigger the opportunity, the simpler the solution.

[Mel Robbins]

Let me ask you this. You've gotta get DMs and emails from people that are giving you an excuse of why they can't apply your teaching, the five second rule. You don't.

[Lauren Everts]

Nope.

[Mel Robbins]

You don't. So I was gonna say, has there ever been someone that gives you an actual real excuse of why they can't use this rule? It sounds like it's uni. No, Never.

[Lauren Everts]

No, because here's the trick. The moment you start counting, it's a Trojan horse.

[Mel Robbins]

So they can't DM you.

[Lauren Everts]

No, no, no, no. The moment you start counting backwards. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. You've already made the decision to go. It's the first domino. So the first action is actually the counting.

[Mel Robbins]

So no one's ever tried to get in there and get you to say, you know what, you're right, you shouldn't do it.

[Lauren Everts]

What do you mean?

[Mel Robbins]

Like, I don't know, DMs of just like, woe is me, I can't do it because of this.

[Michael Bostic]

There's a lot of, you know, maybe.

[Mel Robbins]

Excuses of why they can't do this.

[Michael Bostic]

Or their story is so unique that these teachings or practices don't apply to them.

[Lauren Everts]

Well, what I will say is, having been stuck and feeling very lost for a lot of my life, I think that when you're stuck, you think you're the only one, right? And you're really upstairs. And there's a lot of research about the fact that one of the single biggest symptoms of depression is rumination, which is talking to yourself about your problems, which only makes it bigger. And, you know, I don't know if you two are interested or into manifesting and the brain science around that or if as you're listening to us right now, if you are, but it is very real, like you are always manifesting your future. You're either doing it in the negative by worrying or you are doing it in the positive. Because manifesting is nothing more. If you're doing it by the science and you're doing it correctly, is you wiring your brain to help you filter the world to see what you want to see more of. That's all that it is. And so if you are so stressed and stuck and isolated and in your thoughts, then you're continuing to see a world that reflects all of those things, right? And here's the power of taking action. When you start going, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and you get out of bed, you now see yourself differently because you are no longer a person that lies in bed. When you are the person in your friend group that says, screw it, I'm taking the affiliate marketing class and I'm going to launch this business. When you see yourself 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Take the action, you actually see yourself differently. And everything about how you see yourself starts to change. Not because of how you think, but because of what you do. And I find the fastest way for you to bring your confidence online and for you to be proud of yourself is stop talking and start doing. Don't tell me, show me. And when you truly grasp that I mean it, you could do anything. If I can get my ass out of bed at 41 and face those problems and I can literally make my marriage stronger and I can get control of the drinking and I can build this skill where if I want to, if I'm interested in something, I try it. I don't even think about it anymore. Like, why not try a podcast? Why not get into YouTube syndication? Why not figure out AI search natural language and get encoded into the back end of the site? Why not try out dubbing? I don't even stop and think, Mel, you're 56 years old. What makes you think that you can compete at this level? I'll tell you what makes me think I can, because I'm gonna try. And if you look at the research on confidence, so if you're listening to me right now and you can hear these words and you're somebody that struggles with self doubt or imposter syndrome, I'm going to tell you something. The research about confidence is very clear that confidence isn't a feeling. You don't feel confident. Confidence, the definition I want you to really embrace and live by is the willingness to try. Because every time you try, especially in the face of doubt, you are displaying that you believe in your ability to survive whatever happens next. And so it's in the trying that you show yourself that you are capable of trying something and failing. And what makes you feel full of doubt and imposter syndrome is that you sit in your head and tell yourself you can't. And every day that you wake up and you don't do the thing, whether it's going to the gym or asking that person out or ending the relationship that you know, like, you know that the person that you're with is not the person you want to be with, you're dating the potential. You're making excuses for crappy behavior. The person that you've slept with is slinking out like a cat in the middle of the morning and you're telling yourself that somehow they love you. Stop doing that. Stop. And the second that you take action in a different direction, you start to see yourself differently.

[Mel Robbins]

What are some things that you've seen with people who have applied this? What are some transformations that blown your mind? Oh my God.

[Lauren Everts]

This is being used in clinic. We know of more than a thousand people who stop themselves from committing suicide.

[Michael Bostic]

Wow.

[Lauren Everts]

Uh huh. This is being used. It's extremely helpful with OCD and ptsd.

[Mel Robbins]

Wow.

[Lauren Everts]

It is being used by pediatricians to help patients with anxiety. People have lost 2, 3, 400 pounds. People have launched and sold businesses. Why? Because action creates results. You can achieve anything if you're willing to put your head down and chip away at it. And I truly believe that. And if you really, as you're hearing my voice right now, if you really embrace that, it's true. Because I know you have deep dreams inside you. I know you have things that you're jealous that other people are doing. Well, jealousy is trapped desire. Jealousy is a signal that that's something that you want too. And if you're willing to get up and every day just put one foot in front of the other, just spend 15 minutes, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Inching something forward, learning about something new. If you're interested in AI, you could spend 15 minutes a day just watching classes online. And what happens over time is you develop this skill that if you're interested in something, you lean toward it. And what's so exciting about today's world is, you know, anything that you would like to do in your life, whether it's make a million dollars or launch your own business or get out of a pattern of chasing people who are not available to you or healing your trauma. Anything you want, repairing your relationship with your mom, somebody's done it. And they've written a book or they do a podcast or they've talked about it online. So there is a formula. And if there's a formula, you now have a map to follow. And if you don't know the formula, just go into Google and then the AI responses will literally, step by step, you can actually go into chat GTP and say, please describe a day in the life of a person that is an influencer that makes $500,000 a year and tell me the morning routine and the evening routine and the 17 things that they do. And you will get a list of the things that somebody does. And there is your map. And now here comes the biggest question that you have to ask yourself. Are you willing to get up every day when you don't feel like it and actually do one of those things on the list?

[Michael Bostic]

Well, it's funny because I'm sure you've crossed paths with Gary Vee over the years, and so I've never met him.

[Lauren Everts]

But, like, text back and forth, oh.

[Mel Robbins]

My gosh, you guys have to podcast together.

[Lauren Everts]

That's like, I feel like he's the male male you would love.

[Michael Bostic]

But the funny thing is, people, he's talked about this for years and he's a friend, and he says, like, he gives away all of this information for free to anyone who'll listen. And they're like, oh, aren't you worried that someone's gonna. He's like, listen. The problem is the majority of people don't take that information and then do it. They get it all, they see it and they say, that's the formula. That's the roadmap. That's what this person did. That's what works. And then they don't do it.

[Lauren Everts]

The primary reason why people don't follow formulas is because you actually are more concerned about what people are gonna think when you do it than you are about how proud you're gonna be when you do. And the biggest thing that happens when somebody gets the formula for launching a podcast business or becoming an influencer is you now think people are gonna think you copied them or that you didn't cop and you did, because we all do it the same way. That's why there's a formula. And by the way, you're gonna put your own spin on it because you're you.

[Michael Bostic]

And by the way, podcasters copied radio personalities and radio personalities copied orators like, it's like the tale as old as time.

[Lauren Everts]

And so you literally. And this gets into the let them theory, because I personally believe that once you understand and embrace the first thing I'm teaching you, which is it is a skill that you can learn to make it a superpower to just try it is a skill that you can learn using this countdown technique. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. To leverage courage and tap instant let go motivation in any moment, no matter how you feel, you want to be more visible at work and not get passed over. Five, four, three, two, one. You better start speaking up in meetings. Five, four, three, two, one. You better giddy up and start doing more cold calls. You want to Sell more real estate. You better start a social media profile. You better start telling your friends and asking for a referral. You better start going door to door on the block where a house came up. Because we know based on research that other houses are going to probably come up on that block. The things to do are easy. There is no lack of information. The issue is the action. And so now I've just given you the tool and the research. And the five second rule has spread around the world. It is used in clinical settings. It is used by the world's leading CEOs. I am the most booked female speaker on the corporate circuit for a reason. And it's because this works. And it's simple. And if you're going to change behavior, you need to interrupt what you're currently doing and then, boom, push yourself in a different direction and you're capable of it. And so this is good news, because you already know what you need to be doing. And the assignment is simple. Pick one change that you have been afraid to start or too overwhelmed or you're full of excuses. One change. And then I want you, tomorrow morning when the alarm rings, I want you to do something really important. When that alarm rings, I want you to go 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And don't you dare pick up your phone. Don't you dare. And the reason why is because the second you pick up your phone, you actually give your attention and your time and your energy to the world. You just let a bunch of strangers and headlines and crap that doesn't matter, step right in front of your dreams and your focus and your attention. And I'm gonna tell you if you can go 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And get out of bed and actually not look at your phone, but go do something else for 10 minutes, go take a walk outside. Go get sun in your eyes. Go meditate, go exercise, Go write in your journal. Do something other than look at your phone. If you can do that, you can actually do anything. And what's gonna happen tomorrow morning when you do this? And I'm gonna tell you something, only 0.5% of the people that are listening to my voice right now. And yes, I'm talking to you as you're spending time with us, as you're in the car or at the gym or whatever, you won't do it. Because when that alarm rings, you're not going to feel like doing it. And that's going to prove my point. And even if the alarm rings and you go, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and you're going to stand up, you're going to see the phone, you're going to be like, ugh. And you're going to feel like picking it up.

[Mel Robbins]

GLP1s, you have seen it all over social media. We've talked about it a lot on the show. We've had doctors, experts, scientists dissect it and it seems to be that the best way to do it is to make sure you're doing it strategically. So that's where Noom comes in. The Noom app comes with a number of features like protein tracking so you can ensure that you're getting the right nutrients and fitness classes while you're on the GLP1. So this is going to make sure that you keep the muscle while it's losing the fat. Noom doesn't just give access to meds. It helps you build healthy habits so you can lose the weight and keep it off. Their Noom GLP1 is available and ships to your door in seven days. It's affordable. It starts at $149. Essentially what the app does is it combines their proven weight loss with GLP1 so you can lose the weight and keep it off. You should also know they have a care team so you can ask their care team anything and get support with medication and side effect management. If you want to actually have behavioral change weight loss, this is a good way to do it. I've heard a lot of people have success with the Noom app and I think it's awesome that you get access to a clinician, a coach, and even a supportive community all from within the app on your phone. Noom GLP1 starts at $149 and is delivered to your door in seven days. Start your GLP1 journey today at noom.com that's n o m.com noom the smart way to lose weight. Disclaimer not all customers will medically qualify for prescription medications. Compounded medications are not reviewed by FDA for safety, efficacy or quality. We had the most incredible sleep expert on the podcast, Matthew Walker. He literally is the king of sleep. And he recomm the oura ring. And I was so happy because I already had one. I had already been using it. You guys know this if you follow me on Instagram stories. I actually got one because I had this epiphany about my sleep. I wanted to upgrade my sleep like no other. I wanted to make sure that it was the most important thing of my day. And so what I did is I got a red light in my room and Then I got the Aura Ring and the reason I did that is because what this does is it helps you to improve your sleep so you can track your sleep duration, which is so awesome. And you can also get in the morning you get like a detailed sleep analysis. So it really helps you take your sleep to the next level and it sort of like empowers the person who's wearing it. Oura Ring is the revolutionary smart ring that delivers personalized health data, insights and daily guidance. Oura Ring also empowers women to better understand their bodies so they can be their own health advocate. So I'm sure a lot of you guys have heard of the Natural Cycles app. This is the world's first birth control app and it's now powered by Aura. Natural Cycles is an FDA cleared birth control and now it's integrated with the advanced Oura Ring 4. So not only can you get the precise data for sleep like I have, you can also get really insightful fertility tracking. I think this is absolutely genius. Especially if you're looking to commit to your body, yourself and your health. 2025 is the year to upgrade your sleep. Do it with me. We can wear it together. Visit oura ring.com that's ouraring.com quick break.

[Michael Bostic]

To talk about Good Ranchers as we welcome a new year, it's time to focus on what matters most. Creating healthier habits, enjoying more moments with family and spending less money on going out to eat. GoodRanchers.com is here to help you turn those resolutions into solutions. By shopping with Good Ranchers, you're supporting local farms across the US and avoiding the chaos of grocery store imports. Most importantly, you'll enjoy stress free, delicious meals that let you focus on what really matters. Quality time with loved ones and during their New Year New Meat Special, you can subscribe to any box of their 100% American meat and Wild Caught seafood. Use my exclusive code, Skinny and you'll get $25 off free express shipping and your choice of free ground beef, chicken or salmon in every order for an entire year. So start 2025 with better ch, better meals and better moments at home. What we love about Good Ranchers is there's no antibiotics, hormones or seed oils. Because it's local, you can trust the American process. It's steakhouse quality meat. It truly tastes better and you won't want to go back. And of course it saves you time and money. All the cuts are pre trimmed and pre portioned which makes meal prep so easy. They're all individually packaged and vacuum sealed too so you have less waste and you never have to throw freezer burn cuts away. So like I said earlier, they put the solution in resolution for 2025. And your resolutions aren't just limited to eating healthier. It' also about making better choices, cooking better meals and enjoying more moments at home with family. So check them out. Subscribe to any Good Ranchers box and use our code skinny to get 25 off free express shipping and your choice of free ground beef, chicken or salmon in every order for an entire year. Again, head to goodranchers.com and use code skinny. Good Ranchers American meat delivered.

[Mel Robbins]

I'm not a phone person. In the morning, he is. I'm going to watch. Watch Michael. The second I open my eyes, I'm. Forget the phone. I don't need it. I'm in a 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

[Lauren Everts]

Yeah.

[Michael Bostic]

I'm debating if I want to. If I want to go like, into this. I've done it so many times.

[Lauren Everts]

Go with you.

[Mel Robbins]

Because I feel.

[Michael Bostic]

I feel like now you're just going to crush me. I feel like.

[Lauren Everts]

No, please.

[Michael Bostic]

You're too. You're too strong for me.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes, please. Please.

[Michael Bostic]

I. Personally, I understand this argument.

[Lauren Everts]

I feel squirming, like I used to be a trial.

[Michael Bostic]

I know.

[Lauren Everts]

I see you sweating.

[Michael Bostic]

I'm just. I told you, I'm sweating. I don't know if I want to go.

[Lauren Everts]

That's the gel in your hair coming down. That's a lot of gel.

[Mel Robbins]

That's a lot of gel.

[Michael Bostic]

I've had people, A lot of people say this and I've tried it and I've done it, but.

[Lauren Everts]

Done what?

[Mel Robbins]

Not for the phone.

[Michael Bostic]

Okay, but I'm.

[Lauren Everts]

But.

[Michael Bostic]

But. So I. Then you can rip into me. I feel like I can. I don't look at it right away, but I can jump into it and then I can still go do the journal and the walk and I don't really like. It doesn't bother. Maybe I'm a psychopath, but it doesn't bother me if someone's asked me for an email or texted me or if there's something mean on the. I can, like, be like, okay, cool. And then go back to my thing and do all that. It doesn't derail me, is what I'm saying. I've never understood. I hear the people. Like, if I look at my phone.

[Mel Robbins]

Hold on. No, but you didn't go for a walk or journal or meditate this morning.

[Michael Bostic]

I did.

[Mel Robbins]

No.

[Michael Bostic]

Yes, I did. What time you left this morning.

[Mel Robbins]

Where was I?

[Michael Bostic]

I was gone. Wherever the hell you were.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay, all right.

[Michael Bostic]

I didn't need a journal. But my point is, is I've. I am so against people that are very bothered by the phone and outside. I guess like someone's like, well, what if someone emails or texts them? Then I'll get back to them when I'm ready. Doesn't bother me. What if something terrible.

[Lauren Everts]

Hold on a second. But see, here's the thing that I understand. It's a waste of my time and energy to rip into him. And let me tell you why. You cannot change another person.

[Mel Robbins]

You're right.

[Lauren Everts]

People only change when they feel like it. And you do not feel like addressing this. So that's number one. So you don't want to do it. And until you have an issue with looking at the phone or the stress it creates or the distraction that it creates, or whatever else, or the sleep that it interrupts, then.

[Michael Bostic]

Well, my question is, what if I'm not having any of those issues?

[Mel Robbins]

I'm the issue.

[Michael Bostic]

My issue is mostly I look at it and my wife's like, why are you on it? But I'm. I'm in a peaceful Zen place.

[Mel Robbins]

I'll tell you something. It does.

[Lauren Everts]

Tell me, tell me.

[Mel Robbins]

It takes the vibration of our family down when he's on the phone.

[Lauren Everts]

Great.

[Michael Bostic]

Okay. I'm not like attached to the phone. I'm just saying I've had Ryan Hall. Yeah. And I'm just. I guess I'm not.

[Mel Robbins]

That's your opinion. You're looking at your phone. How would you know?

[Michael Bostic]

What I don't do is we have.

[Mel Robbins]

A four year old and a two year old. And I believe when a parent wakes up and looks at their phone, it affects the family.

[Lauren Everts]

No, you're not two and four year olds. Absolutely understand.

[Mel Robbins]

I would just say, you know what, Mel? I'm gonna try.

[Lauren Everts]

This is a different issue. So I wanna talk about.

[Michael Bostic]

So I'm wanna know how we've been married so long.

[Lauren Everts]

Okay, well, I can answer that too. But I wanna unpack this real quick because this is critical. And this is what we're gonna get into with the let them theory. In life, there are so many things you cannot control. But number one on the list is another human being.

[Mel Robbins]

This is a perfect intro for you.

[Lauren Everts]

No, I'm serious. I am serious. This is why I would not waste time and energy talking to you about your phone use in the morning. Because I can tell based on how you're talking you don't wanna change. And people only change when they feel like changing. And people only Change if they're struggling when they can. And so you're not struggling with this issue. Now, that's a different issue topic than whether or not it's an issue in your marriage. Sure. And whether or not this topic creates tension and frustration and friction and distance for you to.

[Michael Bostic]

Well, if you tell me that that's happening, then I would change. But I don't know.

[Lauren Everts]

I'm not in the bedroom when you.

[Michael Bostic]

Pick up my phone. But if my argument is, unless you're.

[Lauren Everts]

Looking at my Instagram and then I am in the bedroom, if she tells.

[Michael Bostic]

Me that, like, it's bothering her that much, then I would get off. I would stop, just like I've done many other things, but no problem. But what I'm saying is, when. Sometimes when I hear that these things, like certain people I think would get some of this information, it, like, derails her whole day. What I'm saying is, it's just.

[Lauren Everts]

I think 99% of people are in denial about how addicted they are to their phone.

[Michael Bostic]

Oh, I'm addicted for sure. Everybody.

[Lauren Everts]

I think everybody's addicted. But you just said then it didn't impact you, and now you're saying you're addicted. So if you were addicted to cocaine, would you sleep next to an eight ball?

[Michael Bostic]

No. What I'm saying, the argument that it, like, lets people rob you of your time, that does not happen in my life.

[Lauren Everts]

Well, at least according to you.

[Michael Bostic]

According to me.

[Lauren Everts]

But all of the science, actually, and the brain scans report otherwise.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay, but you're special.

[Lauren Everts]

Well, actually. Actually, I write about this, and let me tell you why. Let me tell you what you're doing right now. So when we'll unpack the let them theory. But there's really interesting research from a professor and a neuroscientist over at King's College London who studies how people's behavior influences other behavior. And her research has concluded that trigger warnings do not work. And that even, like the disgusting photos, if you're over in the UK that are on cigarette packages, they don't work either. And the reason is what you said. Everybody has this default in their brain. It's almost like a protection mechanism that's kind of weird called exceptionalism. You think you are the exception to the rule. And the other thing that's interesting about brain scans is if you are trying to. If I'm telling you something you don't want to hear, it shows on a brain scan that the part of your brain that actually hears information turns off. You don't even. Like, we're all this way.

[Mel Robbins]

Right.

[Michael Bostic]

And I'm not disagreeing with anything you're saying.

[Lauren Everts]

I don't care if you do let them.

[Michael Bostic]

There's probably some exceptionalism and a little.

[Lauren Everts]

Bit of delusion, but we all have that.

[Michael Bostic]

Yeah, of course. I think what I'm articulating is that right now things seem to be moving. There's so many issues. Other issues that I have that like, that is.

[Lauren Everts]

Well, let's talk about those.

[Michael Bostic]

Oh my God, we got how many hours you got? But that seems to be.

[Lauren Everts]

Depends how good they are.

[Michael Bostic]

When she comes to me and says, okay, with everything I have going on, if it's like, don't look at the phone in the morning, like, maybe that'll help. But there's a lot of other things that are like, taking maybe more priority.

[Mel Robbins]

Why don't you try it for three days?

[Lauren Everts]

Yeah, I'll try.

[Michael Bostic]

I will try it and I will report back.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, I will be watching.

[Lauren Everts]

So here's how the best way to do that. Put the phone in the bathroom.

[Michael Bostic]

Okay.

[Lauren Everts]

Because that way it's not near you. And when you wake up. This is also a cheat for me because I don't like getting out of bed. I just always feel resistance to it. So if my phone is in the bathroom and the alarm goes off, I'm screwed. Because it's in the bathroom, by the way.

[Michael Bostic]

That's what I do with the alarm. I put it across the room. Cause terrific. I have to get out of bed.

[Lauren Everts]

Yeah. And so by the time you get there and turn off the alarm and flip it over, you're kind of a little bit more awake. And just take 10 minutes and do something else and just see if you feel more present. And again, like, I wanna be very clear about something. People only change when they feel like it. And this might not be something that works for you. And that's okay. No, no, I really mean it. And that gets me into the let them theory because this is the single most powerful thing I've ever discovered. I discovered it two years ago and it has absolutely changed the way that I lead in business. It has changed the way I parent my children. It has changed my marriage. It has changed how I feel in my body every single day. And what it has taught me is the let them theory is a mindset tool that instantly, instantly shows you in a moment what you can control and what you can't control.

[Michael Bostic]

Okay, so high level, what are the things you cannot control?

[Lauren Everts]

Everything. There's only three things you can control.

[Michael Bostic]

Okay, let's start with what you can control.

[Lauren Everts]

You can control what you think, what you do, and whether or not you allow your emotions to rise and fall. That's it.

[Michael Bostic]

Very stoic.

[Lauren Everts]

You cannot. It is. This is actually the reason why this is so powerful. And it is extreme. Exploded already. I have never seen anything more viral that I have ever shared, and I've never experienced anything more powerful. And I am 1000% convinced that if you feel tired or you feel stuck, or you're just not getting the results that you want, or you are holding yourself back, or you're just not as happy as you want to be or not as connected to the person that you love the way that you want to be, the problem actually isn't you. The problem is the power that you are giving to other people, to their thoughts, to their emotions, to their success, to their drama. And it is robbing you of time and energy. And I had no idea, even with my success, even being married 28 years, even having a wonderful family life and a thriving company, I had no idea how much I was allowing other people to stress me out. I had no idea how much time I was spending and energy I was spending thinking about, excuse me, what somebody else might think before I do something.

[Michael Bostic]

So give me an example of, in your life, when you started to have all that success, like, what are the things that were irking you? Or what were the things?

[Lauren Everts]

Everything. Oh, my God. So I'll give you a perfect example. You're at the grocery store, five people in front of you. Beef, beef. Beep. Why are there no other cashiers here? Right. And you start to, like, feel the stress rising up, and you get all agitated. Beep, beep. And then you start going, are they gonna make an announcement? Get somebody. What is going on here?

[Michael Bostic]

Oh, and then you see some of the employees walk by that are just, like, chilling out.

[Lauren Everts]

Yeah. And then you think you can run the store better than the person running it. And then you turn to the person next to you and you're like, roll your eyes. You have just allowed a situation that is so stupid and meaningless to activate your stress response. And here's what we know based on the research from Dr. Aditi Nurokar, who is the world's leading expert on stress. She ran the largest stress management clinic for the Harvard system out in Boston. When you allow your stress response to take over, it basically means your prefrontal cortex, which is what makes your money. It's what keeps you present. It's what allows you to be in control of what you do. It gets Hijacked, and your amygdala takes over, and you are now in a stress response that hijacks your ability to be calm in the moment, confident, present, and all over the fact that it's stressful to stand in line and the.

[Michael Bostic]

Amygdala is what kicks in. Your fight or flight and all your primal instincts.

[Lauren Everts]

Correct. And so the thing that you forget in these moments and modern life is like death by a thousand cuts. People are irritating, inconsiderate. Traffic is backing up, things are overwhelming. The headlines are all over the place. If you allow this stuff to constantly trigger your stress, what you're doing is you're literally allowing things that are beyond your control are just stupid to drain your two most precious resources in life. Your two most precious resources. Time, energy. Your entire life and the experience of your life is determined by what you pour your time and your energy into. And if you find yourself so drained that you have no time for yourself, if you find yourself exhausted and you can't push through to get the results that you want, it's because you allow stupid stuff and other people to drain your energy all day. And that then hijacks your ability to think. It hijacks your ability to be calm and present with your kids. It's why I used to roll in every day after work, like, ah. And then I'd apologize. I'm sorry, Chris, I don't mean to be such a bitch. And guys, I'm sorry about that tone of voice. I'm just so stressed at work. Not cool. And not the way any of us should be living. And you have a choice. And this brings me back to the let them theory. So what you're gonna do, you're standing in line, you feel life irritating you, you're gonna say to yourself, let them. And when you say, let them, it's weird. It's weird because you literally feel the pressure gauge release. And the reason why it works, and this is really cool, is because you actually feel superior to the stupid grocery store. No, I love this. Like, I love this. Like, if your friends don't invite you to the golf weekend, let them.

[Michael Bostic]

If your husband gets on his phone in the morning, let him.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, that's why it's a hard one.

[Michael Bostic]

It's my turn now.

[Lauren Everts]

No, it's not. Cause I'm not. Cause there's a second part, and this is the part everybody tattoos. Let them on them because they feel superior. Oh, let them. Let these idiots do whatever they want. Right? You know, like, but that's only part one. Uh.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, the tattoo industry is gonna be real busy tomorrow.

[Lauren Everts]

The really important one is. Let me, Let me, Let me. Let me remind myself that my power is not in trying to control what's happening at the grocery store or control what my husband is doing on his phone. My power is in the three things I can control that are always in my control. What am I going to think about this next moment? Because I get to choose what I think right now. What am I going to do in response to this? Or not do. Because oftentimes not doing something is way more powerful. And what am I going to do with these emotions that are rising up and down? That's where your power is. And we spend too much time because we all have a hardwired need for control. We gotta be in control of our thoughts and our environment and our future and our decisions. But we also. Because it makes us feel safe. It's just every human being, you know, has a need for control. And the second though, that somebody else is doing something that pisses you off or annoys you or it makes you worried you're now gonna try to control them, but that leads to a problem. You can never control another person. You have no control over what he thinks. You have no control over what he does. You have no control over what he's doing with his emotions.

[Mel Robbins]

This is news to me.

[Lauren Everts]

Huh?

[Michael Bostic]

This is the most groundbreaking thing she's ever heard on the show.

[Lauren Everts]

What? Yes. Now, I never said you couldn't influence. But what I discovered, I love a subtle influence. Way too late.

[Michael Bostic]

You're not that subtle, buddy.

[Lauren Everts]

Way too late. 54 years old, I realized I've been working against the laws of human nature forever. See, I invented the 5 second rule, so I know I have to push myself, but I've been pushing other people. I've been pushing with my stress. And here's what happens when you look at the way that human beings are wired and you're going to realize this immediately. That since he has a need for control over what he's doing, if you push him, what does he do? He pushes back. Because you're actually threatening his need to be in control of his decisions and what he's doing. When I got a lot of control of his shit.

[Mel Robbins]

I hate that he's in control of his decisions, though. It's annoying.

[Lauren Everts]

Yes. But it's the truth. And when you really wrap your brain. Wait a minute. If I'm pressuring someone else to change or worry about judging them, that's creating resistance to them changing, I would definitely.

[Mel Robbins]

Agree with you on that.

[Michael Bostic]

Can this also work in the reverse? As I'm listening to you talk? In some of the previous topics that we were discussing, people taking the steps and putting themselves out there and taking action and worrying about what people think. It's like almost like we've done this show. We talked about a lot of taboo things for a long time. And people always ask, like, oh, how could you talk about that? What can you. Yeah, what are people gonna say? And it's like. That is like, as you're talking, like, we've just kind of. It's been a. Let them say what they're gonna say or let them think that kind of thing. Because if we spend all this time over and over worrying about all this, we would have never gone anywhere.

[Lauren Everts]

Yeah. But here's the thing. Like, most of the advice about this sucks because people say, oh, don't care. Well, you're actually wired to care about what people think.

[Michael Bostic]

Can't not care.

[Lauren Everts]

But what you can do is you can give people permission to think what they want.

[Michael Bostic]

Sure.

[Lauren Everts]

And you can actually. The powerful thing to say, I believe, is let them think something negative, because that's what you're actually managing anyway. And so if you're the kind of person. And so as you're listening to us and spending time with us right now, I want you to put yourself at the scene of this example, and you'll get it immediately. I want you to open up your favorite social media app. Just imagine you're doing it, and then I want you to think about something that you're gonna post. And maybe it's about your new business. Maybe it's a reel of you singing. Maybe it is the comedy thing that you wanted to do. Maybe it's just a photo of you in a bathing suit, but you're gonna select the thing. And now imagine yourself putting the photo there. What do you do? Oh, do I put a filter on? Is this the right photo? Is it not the wrong photo for who? And then you start writing the caption. Oh, is this too much? Should I put an emoji? Should I do a little this? Is these too many caps for who? See, everybody has this innate default where before you do something, you actually consider what people are gonna think about it, which means you just gave power to somebody else. And now I want you to stop and really play this out with me. The average human being has about 70,000 thoughts, the majority of which are completely random. I can't even control half the shit that comes up in my mind. So what on earth Makes me think that what I'm going to post can have any guarantee that anybody thinks anything. It doesn't. And so here you are with your social media, which is your self expression. If you're a business person, it's your marketing channel. And instead of using it to express yourself and using it to advance your goals and using it to do whatever the fuck you want because it's yours. It's not for your sister, it's not for your college friends that you haven't talked to in 10 years. It's for you. You're sitting here giving power to people over something you have no control over. It's ridiculous. And then we get up in our heads, we're like, well, I shouldn't care. But they don't think about that. No, let them think something negative and then do the let me part. Let me give myself permission to be myself. Let me give myself permission to talk about this business. Let me operate in a way that lets me be myself so that I'm proud of myself. Because if you start to operate in a way that you're actually proud of yourself because you see yourself allowing yourself to show your art or to express yourself or put up that bathing suit with the cellulite and the bikini, stop standing in the background, just allow yourself to be seen. When you start doing that, you actually don't even think about other people because you know who you are and the amount of freedom that comes when you start to go, I can just let other people think negative things about me and I'm gonna go on with my life because I know I can't control that. So why would I waste my precious time and energy worrying about it? Don't. And the same thing's true with emotions. Like do you know how many, how everybody's navigating around people's emotions? The dickhead at work, your passive aggressive friend, your mom who's in a bad mood. Like we bend over backwards to make sure everybody's okay and happy and nobody's disappointed. Why don't you just let them be disappointed? Let them be disappointed. I mean, they're a grown ass adult. Why are you everybody's parent? Let them be disappointed and then come back to yourself and say, let me, let me remind myself that my life is my responsibility. And let's look at the word responsibility. It's the ability to respond. And when somebody else is disappointed, like let's take, you know, a friend being disappointed cause you can't come to her birthday party. Oh, okay, right.

[Mel Robbins]

And it's like the, it's like the fucking like 34th birthday that they want the whole group to split. Check.

[Lauren Everts]

Uh huh. Uh huh. Let them.

[Michael Bostic]

On a Wednesday, 34 is an absurd birthday to celebrate.

[Lauren Everts]

Yeah, let them. But here's the past 30.

[Michael Bostic]

It's decades.

[Lauren Everts]

But I want to flip this on its head because it's going to blow your mind. Let them be disappointed because. Let's just think about this for a minute. If you're not going to go, isn't it a good thing if they're disappointed? Doesn't it mean they like you or they love you? Doesn't it just mean they wanted to see you? I mean isn't that a beautiful thing that somebody's disappointed if you can't make a business meeting or you can't make a birthday party or you're gonna go to your in laws instead of your parents house.

[Mel Robbins]

So let me ask you this. What if you're the friend? You don't go to the party, the friend confronts you. What is the Mel way?

[Lauren Everts]

Let's role play this.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay. I'm really disappointed that you didn't come to my birthday on a Wednesday night. I'm 34 and I wanted you to pay half.

[Lauren Everts]

Okay, I'm sorry you're disappointed.

[Mel Robbins]

So it's that, it's that simple?

[Lauren Everts]

Yeah. Why am I responsible for your emotions?

[Mel Robbins]

Right?

[Lauren Everts]

No seriously, why am I?

[Mel Robbins]

I don't think you are. But maybe this girl does. I don't know, it just really.

[Michael Bostic]

You have to be the good.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay. I don't know, it just really. It just really hurt my feelings. I just don't think it was very nice.

[Lauren Everts]

You're entitled to think what you want. I actually had a bunch of things going on and I was really tired at work and I needed to stay in to take care of myself.

[Mel Robbins]

You're being selfish.

[Lauren Everts]

You can think whatever you want about me.

[Michael Bostic]

Now bring up your childhood.

[Mel Robbins]

This is not me. I'm Mel.

[Lauren Everts]

I'm Mel. And then here's the thing though. It depends on what you value. Yeah, but you don't need to bend over backwards to make everybody happy. And here's the other piece that is gonna make you never be afraid of anybody again. You ready? Every single human being you know is an 8 year old and a big body. Because somebody taking that disappointment and being emotionally immature and making you wrong is childlike behavior.

[Mel Robbins]

You're 100% right.

[Lauren Everts]

Correct. Because every adult that you know is an 8 year old in a big body.

[Mel Robbins]

If you are looking for a non alcoholic spirit, I got you. I actually heard about this brand through a friend. He doesn't drink. He used to drink and he stopped and he wanted something to sort of like walk around at parties with and feel like he was having some fun but not actually drinking. And so enter Seed Lip. Seed Lip is a non alcoholic spirit. It's carefully crafted from a unique blend of botanicals and spices. So what it is is it's used to be made as a base in your favorite non alcoholic cocktail. Seed Lip is crafted into four delicious flavors. Okay. And all of them have no added sugar or calories, which is awesome. Basically, they're on this mission to change the way the world drinks by inspiring a more sophisticated approach to mindful drinking. It's very much refined. It's a delicious cocktail. You can bring it to a party. They're not a non alcoholic gin, vodka or tequila like you see, but it's actually a whole new way of drinking with original and distinct flavors. People are loving it. I'm hearing about it everywhere. There are three in 10Americans who make New Year's resolutions. This is such a great way to start a new year is happening. Everyone has new goals. You want to live with balance. You want to embrace different ways to enjoy a cocktail. And this is it. Seedlip. Seedlip celebrates a consumer's choice to moderate, Break away from the norm and choose something different. My friend has raved about this. He absolutely loves it. Start the new year right by visiting seedlift drinks.com and entering the code Skinny Confidential, you get 20% off your purchase. That's SED L I P D R I N K S.com code Skinny Confidential. Like I said, 20% off your next purchase. Promotion is valid until January 15, 2025. Visit seedliftdrinks.com to learn more.

[Michael Bostic]

If you're somebody who's been struggling to eat enough protein every single day and you're trying your hardest to do so, we have a solution for you and that is with one of our favorite partners for a long time.

[Lauren Everts]

Kion.

[Michael Bostic]

Lauren and I have been taking Kion Aminos every single day for close to four years now. We take it when we travel, we take it when we work out. We take it throughout the day. Here's what I love about their Aminos. EAAs are what's inside protein that builds muscle and healthier hair, skin and nails. And Kion Aminos ensures you're getting all the EAAs from your protein your body needs. It contains more EAs and is absorbed and utilized easier and is better for building muscle than protein actually. So if you've been working out and getting all the protein in, and you're trying to burn fat and gain muscle and get better hair and get better nails, and you're struggling to get the results that you want. It's likely because you don't have enough of the aminos in your system. So with Kion, you can do that. You can supplement it. What it comes in is either powder or pill form. Lauren and I actually take both. When we travel, we take the pill form, and when we are at home, we use the powder. We just put it in our water. When we work out, add a little creatine to it, and it's the perfect workout concoction. Here's the thing. You cannot build muscles without essential amino acids. You must get them from protein or supplements like Kion Aminos. So check them out. Kion contains all nine of the essential amino acids. BCAAs have only three, and some other brands have only eight. So this is the ideal ratio proven by over 20 years of research. They have transparent formulations and the exact amount of essential amino acids that your body needs. Go to getkeon.com skinny that's G-E-T-K-I-O-N.com skinny and you save 20% off if you use that link when you're purchasing, check out Kion. They're our favorite amino acids out there.

[Mel Robbins]

Getkeon.com Skinny There is one thing that I cannot live without, and it is my morning fascia facial manipulation. And I do this every single morning for 10 minutes. It's a little bit of a commitment, but it's changed the texture and the tightness of my skin. So I have to use a specific serum or even an oil with it. And the serum that I've been using lately every single morning is Lancome. And the one that I like was actually recommended to me by a top dermatologist, Dr. Sheila. She has a podcast called Derma Proove. And she told me about this serum that has three insane ingredients. There's hyaluronic in it, there's licorice root, and there's also beta glucan, which is a powerful ingredient that's inspired by the medical field. And this helps to repair your skin's moisture barrier, which we all want. So I look at this as a habit stack. I'm getting a little bit of facial massage in while I use this very powerful serum. The serum is called Genifique Ultimate Serum. I liked it so much that I had the brand send me a bunch. Michael even stole a bottle. It's really, like, luxurious and it feels amazing, but it plumps your skin like no other. So what I noticed is when I'm massaging my face, it, like, gives my skin an umph and increases circulation while it's plumping. And that, I think has a lot to do with the hyaluronic acid, which is designed to hydrate and plump. The pure licorice extract is designed to really help with skin tone, which is something I need because sometimes I can get some hyperpigmentation. And it also really helps soothe the skin. So this combo in the morning with my facial massage outside is a real win. I like to do it outside. I get my sunlight in. It's just getting everything all in at once. And you got to do that as a mom. You got to multitask shop. Now on lancome-usa.com you can use code TSC20. You get 20% off the Genifique ultimate. Make sure you try this serum if you're looking to upgrade your skin barrier and your facial massage. Game on Instagram story. The other day I made my magic water that I make every morning. I do like a whole water concoction before I drink coffee. I wait 90 minutes to drink my coffee, so I like to get the morning started with something good. I do like a big cup water ice. I'll add a little bit of colostrum, maybe some pearl powder. I change it up and then I always put my two packets of Symbiotica. The first one that I do in my water every single morning is their vitamin C. And then lately you can hear in my voice, I've been a little bit under the weather, so I've been adding their elderberry. It's so good. I like froth it all up and make this beautiful concoction of water. Sprinkle some sea salt on top for electrolytes and drink it down. And it's such a great way to start the morning as opposed to getting dehydrated by coffee. So I'm a fan of waking up and hydrating because the coffee's gonna dehydrate you. So I don't wanna be like a wrinkled prune. I wanna wake up, get hydrated, and then have my coffee later. I love Symbiotica's supplements. I always have. I've been a huge fan since the founder came on the podcast. They're formulated with the highest quality ingredients and there's no seed oils, preservatives, toxins, or artificial additives. No natural flavors either, which I love. If you're gonna grab something else. I would grab their magnesium spray. I use it every night on my feet. It's absolutely delicious. What I like about all their products too is your body absorbs the nutrients faster because it's liposomal delivery. Start your Symbiotica subscription today. You can save 15% off your order with code skinny. Just go to symbiotica.com theskinny and use code Skinny on your subscription order. Let me ask you this.

[Lauren Everts]

Uh huh.

[Mel Robbins]

And this is a question I was gonna ask you later, but I'll ask it now. I am a working mother.

[Lauren Everts]

Yes.

[Mel Robbins]

Just like you. My career is very important to me. I have two children. There's a guilt aspect of that. Okay, and what if your kids come like, I have a four year old, she wants to see me, she wants to be with me. What do I say to her?

[Lauren Everts]

That's a great thing that she wants to see you.

[Mel Robbins]

Right.

[Lauren Everts]

And the thing about guilt is you need to understand guilt. So guilt comes in two forms.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh great.

[Lauren Everts]

Uh, oh, no, seriously, there's good guilt. Okay, so good guilt is the kind of guilt that is aligned with what you value and it motivates you to change your behavior. Okay. And I'm gonna explain this this way. Let's say my mom and dad are getting older. My dad's 80, I grew up in the Midwest, we raised our kids on the east coast. And I don't see them as much as I'd like to see them, but they're not moving to Vermont and I'm not moving back to Michigan where I grew up. And so it is what it is, right? And when we don't get together over the holidays, they're disappointed. And I let them be disappointed. But as I've gotten older and they're getting older and I think, wow, you know, I'm lucky If I have 10 holidays with my dad if he's 80, 10. And so I drop into my values. And the mistake that we make with guilt is that we do things out of guilt in order to make someone else not disappointed. And when you do it that way, you're making your parents or your kids into the villain because you're doing it because you think you have to do it for them. When you drop into your values and you say, I'm a working mother, I value my business, but it's really important to me that I figure out how to spend more time with my kids. The guilt that you're feeling is aligned with your values, but you're going to change and find more time not for them, you're doing it because it matters to you. And that's how you stop allowing guilt to drive you. Look, you know, there are a lot of people that bend over backwards at work and take on extra shifts and do all kinds of crap cause they feel guilty because their co worker needs somebody to cover for them. Do not cover the shift so that the co worker thinks you're a good friend. Cover the shift because you want to, because it makes you feel like a good friend. Do you see the power in that? Yes.

[Mel Robbins]

Amazing. For me, yes.

[Lauren Everts]

And so let me give you, let's take it a step further. The second part of guilt is the destructive guilt. And that's where you use it as a sledgehammer to make yourself wrong. I'm not enough as a mom, I'm not enough at work. I can't do this. And nothing changes. And so what I would invite you to do is to truly you can use let them with your kids in very kind of limited capacity because you are responsible for their financial support. You're responsible for their safety, their food, their shelter. You're responsible for helping them truly learn how to express and regulate their emotions. And this is why we're all so immature. Because our parents didn't know how to regulate their emotions. And to regulate your emotions and act like a mature adult, first of all, you gotta feel them and understand it's taking over. Then you've gotta have the tools to be able to not react to them and to just be able to settle yourself so you're not letting your emotions drive you and make you reactive. And nobody taught us how to do this. And so if you've never. It's a skill. Nobody's born this way. You have to learn how to be emotionally mature. And if you truly line up, there's a whole section in the book about emotional maturity. And there's a chart in here where I line up childlike behavior with adult behavior. So if you take your kids to target and your 4 year old wants the latest whatever and you're like, no, I'm sorry honey, they're going to get flooded with emotion. They're disappointed, they're sad, they're upset, they're surprised. And little bodies can't handle big emotions. And so what do a lot of kids do? My kids used to flop down on the aisle and throw a tantrum. Yep. As my daughter's in the corner nodding and I didn't know how to handle my emotions, so I didn't know how to handle hers. So what I do I'm like, calm down. Get up off the floor. What the f. You know? And there was even a time where I would literally stomp down to the end of the hallway and turn the corner to hide, peeking, because I knew she would then pop up and look and get scared and she wouldn't be in a tantrum anymore.

[Michael Bostic]

My mom did that to me one time at the Del Mar Fair, and I got lost. It was traumatic.

[Lauren Everts]

Very traumatic. Yes.

[Michael Bostic]

Yeah. Super traumatic. The guy, the security guy to find me. It was the whole thing.

[Lauren Everts]

Dude, I pay for her therapy. Like, I made every mistake in the book.

[Michael Bostic]

Cause I wouldn't. She wouldn't let me keep playing the carnival games.

[Lauren Everts]

Yes. Yes, I was pissed off. And why do we do that as parents? Because we can't handle our own emotions. So then we get overwhelmed by their emotions, and then we just make it worse. And it's why we have so many adults running around that suppress everything or drink themselves into the ground or snap at people. And so a childlike tantrum is actually an emotionally appropriate response to a kid who has never been taught this skill. And the only person that can teach you that skill is an adult who understands it. But what happens is. Let's think about tantrums as an adult. Rage texting, snapping at your kids, and then saying, I'm sorry I'm stressed at work. And the best response for that is this. Hey, dad, I'm really sorry about the fact that work is causing so much stress for you, but you're gonna have to apologize to me for the way your stress at work is impacting me. The adult's rage text. We snap and then apologize. Kids. Another emotional, immature thing to do that is also age appropriate. When you get overwhelmed or sad or disappointed, you run into the corner and pout. What does that do? It draws an adult to you to help soothe you. What do adults do? Oh, they use a silent treatment. Silent treatment is a sign of a massively immature person emotionally. No, I'm serious.

[Mel Robbins]

I sometimes do that to Michael.

[Lauren Everts]

Well, yeah, but you know what it is?

[Mel Robbins]

I do it a lot. Well, it's just. It's not. Sometimes I'm just, like, tired of talking, though, too.

[Lauren Everts]

Well, hold on. There's a.

[Michael Bostic]

No. You're allowed to come back on this show whenever you want.

[Lauren Everts]

No, there's a difference between you saying, I need a minute. Let's talk about this in the morning.

[Mel Robbins]

That's like a day.

[Lauren Everts]

Okay, that's fine. But what you're doing there is. You're actually building a bridge to come back. And that's what you want to do with your kids. Always that. Honey, mom is very tired, but I promise you, we're going to talk about this after you're done watching that show. So you've built a bridge and given yourself the space, so you've let them express your emotion, and then you let me. What do I want to think? What do I need right now to do? And how do I need to feel my emotions? And so I completely had a menopause moment. What the fuck was I talking about?

[Mel Robbins]

You were talking about the silent treatment and what to do with your children.

[Lauren Everts]

But the silent treatment by another adult, that friend who suddenly just stops talking to you, and you don't know what the hell you did. And then a month later, they act like nothing happened that is actually punishing somebody else because you can't handle your emotions, so you punish them and remove attention and love.

[Michael Bostic]

I'm gonna pull this clip for later.

[Lauren Everts]

That's her mate.

[Mel Robbins]

I don't do that to friends. I do it to you.

[Michael Bostic]

I'm a friend.

[Lauren Everts]

No, you're gonna build the bridge, right? Like, what you're gonna say is, I can't talk about this. You're gonna let him do what he's gonna do, and then you're gonna say, let me. And you're gonna say, I actually cannot have this conversation. I'm too emotional.

[Michael Bostic]

Bit of a rage text or something, I promise.

[Lauren Everts]

Oh, I am, too. That's. That's my thing.

[Michael Bostic]

A bit of a rage text message.

[Mel Robbins]

I learned about voice text, too.

[Lauren Everts]

How are you kind of person that I never do. I've got that voice memo on my phone. You send podcast episodes.

[Michael Bostic]

She does both.

[Lauren Everts]

She does both. You don't have to read them, though.

[Michael Bostic]

No, I have.

[Mel Robbins]

Listen, like I said, he kind of likes the spiciness, but. Yeah, I don't rage text anyone but you.

[Michael Bostic]

I have a lot of unread text messages. I just let them.

[Lauren Everts]

But hold on a second. Let's unpack this, please.

[Michael Bostic]

Now you're like, oh, man, what do I get myself into?

[Lauren Everts]

No, no, no. This is actually a really important thing because he's presumably the most important person in your life.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, gosh. I know where this is going.

[Lauren Everts]

No, I'm seriously, I'm serious about this.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes, he is.

[Lauren Everts]

And would you want him to vomit all of his emotions at you because he doesn't develop the skill of actually managing them in a way?

[Mel Robbins]

No.

[Lauren Everts]

And so if you value a deeper connection, then you will take on the skill of learning how to manage your emotions. In a different way.

[Mel Robbins]

Agree. I agree with you.

[Lauren Everts]

Right.

[Mel Robbins]

Trust me.

[Lauren Everts]

And again, you can use the five second rule for this. Because you can use the five second rule, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. To push yourself through doubt. Or I use it a lot.

[Mel Robbins]

If you're about to rage. Check.

[Lauren Everts]

Yes. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

[Michael Bostic]

I leaned into the, like, oh, so good.

[Mel Robbins]

I guess I'll do it in my Notes app.

[Michael Bostic]

I went in, absolutely.

[Lauren Everts]

Actually, Sawyer, my daughter has a lot of rage and she has bazillions because I of course, did not teach her how to feel emotion. So she suppressed it all. And she does a lot of that in the notes app and then doesn't send them.

[Mel Robbins]

That's what Abraham Lincoln is.

[Michael Bostic]

Abe Lincoln of you.

[Lauren Everts]

Yeah. So seriously, I feel this, like learning how to. Emotions are waves. So this is gonna blow your mind. So emotions are chemical explosions in your body and you can't. You cannot control whether or not you have some sort of emotional reaction. But based on the research, if you don't suppress it or drink it down or explode and you just kind of breathe through it or you're right, oh, I'm really pissed off right now. Let them let the emotion come up, but then let me remember. You get to choose. Am I going to think rage thoughts? Am I going to do something like rage at him? Am I going to not do something? Am I going to let these emotions rise? Because the research shows if you just breathe through an emotion, it's a wave. It comes and goes in 90 seconds and the moment's over. But when you then let the wave come up and you're like, fuck them. And you. What the fuck? The fuck?

[Michael Bostic]

That's kind of how you look too when you're going through, when you're doing all that.

[Lauren Everts]

You know how I know this? Because this is my emotional immaturity. When I'm upset about something or I feel like things are out of control, the frustration comes up like this. And it used to boil over and I know it and I do not want to be that person. And there is so much peace and power when you are in control of yourself.

[Mel Robbins]

So let's say, let's give. Let's do like a Mel Robbins. No, let's do a Mel Robbins. Let them theory. Say you get a horrible text about your business tomorrow morning. Someone fucked up.

[Lauren Everts]

Oh, yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

Like in the business. A big fuck up.

[Lauren Everts]

Oh, yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

What are you doing?

[Lauren Everts]

What am I doing?

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah.

[Lauren Everts]

Well, I'm gonna tell you what I'm not doing. I am not going to explode at the person who Fucked up because exploding creates both this massive stress thing going on in my head, which means I actually can't use the part of my brain I need to solve this problem.

[Mel Robbins]

Right?

[Lauren Everts]

And since I just vomited at somebody, I've now caused them to go into fight or flight. And do you think somebody that just fucked up, if you've yelled, don't you think they know they fucked up? They're already like on edge. If you come in and just destroy them, they will never ever, ever be able to fix this problem. And they will always be afraid of you. And so what you do instead is you keep your cool. Because now that the thing has happened, let them. Like I had somebody steal my entire email database in the middle of the last book launch. Uh huh. And then present fake data like Bernie Madoff for seven weeks about an email campaign that was not going out and a massive online like Facebook ad campaign about a book that was never happening. They were using the money to do something else. They had sold the data, like. And when I found out I didn't have the let them theory, I just absolutely exploded and cried on the ground and like victimized by the whole thing. And of course I was the victim of business fraud and trying to go after that person, which you can do through lawyers. But doing it emotionally, it actually doesn't change what happened. And I think it's scarier when somebody's calm.

[Michael Bostic]

Oh yeah.

[Lauren Everts]

And I think when you can pull it together and say, okay, this thing happened, let them, because it's already happened. I can't control it. Why would I expend just all this crazy energy like, and the same truth, same thing is true with heartbreak. Like when somebody says, I don't love you or I don't want to see you or no, I don't want to put a label on this thing or I don't love you anymore and they end the relationship, you're going to explode with emotion. But what we end up doing is we go after the other person and try to control them and keep them from leaving. They just fucking left. Let them. Let them. And now you gotta come to the let me part. What can I control in this situation? What can I control? And if you allow your emotions to rise and fall, what you can control is your response and thinking through the right way to handle this. Because the other thing that we haven't gotten into yet that is so important about the let them theory, especially for the kind of 20 and 30 and thinking about dating and relationships is people show you who they are. Let People reveal who they are. Let the person that you're dating tell you that they don't want a commitment. Let them slink out the door like a cat in the morning after you've had sex.

[Michael Bostic]

I don't know why I keep laughing every time you use that example.

[Mel Robbins]

Because you used to do that. Not to me.

[Lauren Everts]

Right. Like, let them not commit because their behavior is revealing. Like, people's behavior is the truth. You just don't wanna accept it because you live in a fantasy in your head instead of accepting the reality in front of your face. And if somebody wants to see you, they will make the time to see you. If somebody wants a commitment, you will know it. If you are a priority in somebody's life, it's very easy to see that you are because their behavior demonstrates it.

[Mel Robbins]

And if someone doesn't wanna be with you, why would you wanna be with them?

[Lauren Everts]

Well, I'll tell you why. Because people are terrified of being alone. And I don't blame them. Who wants to be the single friend? And after you spend six months with somebody, there's something called the sunk cost thing that happens in your brain where you start to convince yourself that if I can save this, that's better than starting over.

[Michael Bostic]

Because of the time commitment.

[Lauren Everts]

Oh, yeah. Because if you've just spent six months with somebody or two years with somebody, like the prospect of starting over, and this is the mistake that everybody makes, you date for the potential. And you refuse to let somebody's behavior show you the truth. And if someone likes you, you will know it. And stop saying, I'm confused. Say, this is a turn off. The way they text me is a turnoff.

[Michael Bostic]

It's funny. There's a clip if you look at. It's kind of gone viral for us. It's me talking to Patti Singer, the dating.

[Lauren Everts]

Oh, yeah.

[Michael Bostic]

But we were basically. They got a lot of shit. But I was saying, like, as a man like you, you should not have to guess if a man likes you. Like, he will like.

[Lauren Everts]

Well, you shouldn't have to guess if one does either.

[Michael Bostic]

Both. Right. And so they will pursue you and you shouldn't be chasing them around. And like, some people got really upset about it. But. But, you know, I have younger sisters and I told them all the time, like, if a guy likes you, you should not be sitting around wondering. You will know.

[Lauren Everts]

Well, you only wonder about the people who don't like you.

[Michael Bostic]

Yeah, that's. Yes, you said that.

[Lauren Everts]

Like, if you're wondering if they like you, they don't. Good.

[Michael Bostic]

Now you can Go viral.

[Lauren Everts]

And it's the truth. It's the truth. Like, I don't believe in the games and you don't have to play them because. And there's a lot of conversations about how toxic the dating scene is, and it certainly feels that way. Ghosting has been around for a long time and, like, I'm like, old enough to be your grandmother, but it really is because people can't handle their emotions. And so instead of just ending things, they just disappear.

[Michael Bostic]

No, we've been together so long that we missed all the dating apps.

[Lauren Everts]

But here's what I want to say.

[Michael Bostic]

But ghosting was around. I mean, both sides.

[Lauren Everts]

Yes. But here's the other thing I want to say that you don't have to date online if you want to meet somebody. When's the last time you talked to somebody in line behind you?

[Mel Robbins]

I agree with this.

[Lauren Everts]

When's the next time you go to Barnes and Noble?

[Mel Robbins]

Yes, Barnes and Noble. Bed Bath and Beyond. The toaster aisle. That's what I'm meeting my.

[Michael Bostic]

A lot of hormone disruptors in Bed Bath Beyond.

[Mel Robbins]

That's true. But. Okay, go. Like, there's so many different places to meet people than online, right?

[Lauren Everts]

And so you have choice and power. Do not give it to the apps. And by the way, if you're bitching about the fact that you know you're only seeing a certain kind, go check your own filters. Have you literally Frankensteined what your wish list is? We just never feel so much.

[Mel Robbins]

We're here for another three hours with this.

[Lauren Everts]

No, I'm seriously. So here's the thing. Here's the thing. You give power. When you bitch about it, you are not powerless because you can always choose how you respond. You can. You can go join a league in a sport that you like that's co ed and meet people. You can go join a gym of a certain type of exercise that you like and meet people. You can start a book club. You can do all kinds of things. But we all sit back and we give power to other people and power to the apps and power to everything else and then bitch that it's not working.

[Michael Bostic]

And don't you think you're also. With these dating apps. This is a bit of a tangent, but I feel like it's like, not everybody, but there's a lot of lazy people on these apps because they're.

[Lauren Everts]

No, actually, what the research shows is really, like a bummer. That basically when everybody Frankensteins their filters, everybody's bias comes into play. And so all the short guys get.

[Mel Robbins]

Filtered out I love a short guy.

[Lauren Everts]

Yeah. But I'm telling you the reason why everyone's like, well, everyone likes the same guys and everyone likes the same girls.

[Mel Robbins]

That's.

[Lauren Everts]

Cause everybody has this weird bias that is probably driven by the filters on social media that just X's out certain types of people.

[Mel Robbins]

I realize you're not gonna do that. I didn't even know you could do that. You can order it like you're ordering a sandwich. Well, yeah, that's like extra mayo, like a side of muscle. I didn't know that we had a.

[Michael Bostic]

Woman who's a dating coach and she's actually the director of relationships for Hinge. And she was saying that these filters, even though I don't think she really wanted to say this, but are problematic because people filter out potential matches and people they would really get along with because of these superficial things.

[Lauren Everts]

Yes. And so before you point out there, I want you to actually go, let me. Let me look at my own behavior. Am I actually open? Am I talking to people? Am I putting myself out there? Or am I standing when I go out to a bar or a game or whatever, waiting for somebody to approach me?

[Mel Robbins]

Also, if you're asking for all of these qualities in someone else, I think you better bet you have them yourself. If you want someone who's charismatic and funny and witty and well read and you haven't read a book in the last 10 years, you gotta. You're right. You have to look at your own side of the fence.

[Lauren Everts]

But that's also because that's where your power is, right? And in love, you get to choose who and how you love. And what's challenging is that so do they. And oftentimes they're not gonna choose you. And the thing that I see as the scariest part is that when you start to date and you in the attraction zone and it's really like, awesome. That's great. That's fine. You're two consenting adults, right? But then there's gonna come a moment in time where you start to realize that you wanna take it to the next level. This is the most dangerous moment because most people are afraid to actually ask for what they want because they're afraid that the person doesn't want the same thing. And so you hint and you stick around and you insert yourself into the friend group and you're convenient and you play games and you do all of this stuff. And by the way, that's because you're giving this other person power. You gotta come back and say, you know, let Them. Let them date other people. Let them do this. And then you gotta come back to yourself and say, let me. Let me remind myself that I can always choose how I think about this. And I can choose what I do or I don't do. And I get to choose whether or not I am somebody's leftovers. I get to choose whether or not disrespectful behavior is okay for me. And if you are up in your head explaining away the fact that somebody is constantly texting you, which basically means your convenience if they don't take you out, Somebody that's texting you randomly but never takes it offline, they're bored. It's true. Why? People's behavior shows you who they are and where you stand. They are revealing something very important to you. And you gotta make sure that you have very clear eyes and that you see what somebody is showing you about where you stand. Because then you can say, let me decide, because I'm an adult, whether or not I'm gonna spend time and energy in this. And so the best way, if you get to a point with somebody where you're starting to wonder, where does it stand? And I want more, is you have to have a conversation when you start to feel a little bit like, where is this going? And I'm now invested. And I really hope.

[Mel Robbins]

How would you say, to start the conversation, which is super easy.

[Lauren Everts]

Here you go. Okay. You're literally just gonna say, not while you're drunk. But you're gonna say, you know, I have really loved spending time with you. This has been absolutely amazing. And I've just gotten to the point where I know that I want to take something to the next level. I wanna be in a committed relationship. I wanna put a label on it. I wanna. Whatever it may be, I wanna move in together. I wanna get engaged. I want to do this, I want to do that. And I'm the kind of person that really values my time. And if this isn't going to go to the next level, I just don't want to invest any more time in this. Even though it's been awesome.

[Mel Robbins]

It's that simple.

[Lauren Everts]

It really is. And did you notice? I didn't blame you.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah.

[Lauren Everts]

I didn't say you're leading me on. Nope. I didn't say. But you said, I love you. I didn't say I love you so much.

[Mel Robbins]

That has a desperate energy to it.

[Lauren Everts]

Zero. And actually, don't you find yourself wanting to be with somebody who values their time? Powerful. Very powerful.

[Mel Robbins]

It flips the script.

[Lauren Everts]

It does because you're not actually focused on them. You're focused on the most important resource. You have, time and energy. And if you're aware that you want to be in a committed relationship with somebody or you want to move in together or you want a label, like, if somebody will not put a label on what you're doing, get the fuck out.

[Mel Robbins]

Agreed.

[Lauren Everts]

Like, that to me is just like, I'm sorry, a word is the problem. Let them say they don't want a label because they've just revealed to you you don't matter.

[Mel Robbins]

This is really important advice, I think, and there's a lot of questions around this subject. And I think what you just said is really spot on. Mel Robbins, you're a champion.

[Michael Bostic]

Mel Robbins. Gotta keep you around.

[Mel Robbins]

There are so many takeaways in this episode. You not only did you deliver, you exceeded expectations. You can come back on the show anytime you want.

[Michael Bostic]

I did a little tactic. I was like, oh, I have this real problem with the phone in the morning. And then we got into your rage. Texting in your social media.

[Lauren Everts]

Yeah, but did you notice? I saw that comment. I was like, nope.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay, she's not doing it. She's not wasting your time or energy. That's her resource.

[Michael Bostic]

I'm gonna do some.

[Mel Robbins]

I'm gonna watch.

[Michael Bostic]

I'm gonna read your book. I'm really excited.

[Mel Robbins]

Don't change the subject.

[Lauren Everts]

I think you're gonna love it. Because the other reason why people get this immediately is that it has deep roots in ancient philosophy and psychedelic or not psychedelic. It has deep roots in ancient philosophy and psychological modalities. So you'll recognize stoicism, Buddhism, you'll recognize detachment theory. And it applies these things that you think about. But, like, you know, my husband's extraordinarily stoic. I've never been. And I've always wanted to be like. I've been envious of the fact that he's just, like, super grounded.

[Michael Bostic]

You think that's why you guys lasted all through all the turmoil?

[Lauren Everts]

No, the reason why we lasted is because a relationship goes the distance for two reasons. Both people want it to, and both of you are willing to do the work. And if you've ever been in a relationship that breaks up, you can look back and see the moment where somebody decided they didn't care if it worked or not, or they decided that they weren't willing to do the work. And I think about. I want you to think about any relationship that you're in. Like you're on a seesaw with somebody sometimes you're up and the other person's down. Sometimes you're down, the other person's up. And there's gonna be a lot of times if you're both on the seesaw where you're in balance and life is gonna tip the scales and then you're gonna come back in balance. If you just don't get off the seesaw, you're good. Because if one of you gets off the seesaw, what happens? The whole thing up ends.

[Mel Robbins]

I might be getting off the seesaw when I raged Xbox, stay on the seesaw.

[Michael Bostic]

It's funny you say that because we say this all the time. We've known each other a very long time. We've been together for almost two decades now. And I think when we talk to our single friends or people in relationship, that's exactly what we say. Not in those words. We're just willing to kind of go through this shit together knowing that we want to solve the issues. And it's not, I mean, people like everyone that's been in a long term relationship, it's not e, it's not a cakewalk. But we see so many of our friends that they start to go and then it gets a little tough and they're like, I just throw it away. I don't want to deal with this shit. Well, it's never. They look at a long term relationship like, oh, it must be so nice. So eat. I'm like, no, it's a lot of shit all the time.

[Lauren Everts]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

The let them theory. A life changing tool that millions of people cannot stop talking about. I think that every single person who's listening should buy this book. I am going to get it on my Kindle to highlight. But I also want you to sign me a copy. It's a beautiful book. Congratulations.

[Lauren Everts]

Thank you.

[Mel Robbins]

This is major. This is gonna help a lot of people.

[Lauren Everts]

I honestly, it's the single best thing I've ever done. I wrote it with my daughter. That's so cool. What's really cool about that is that she's 25. And so there was this huge span of experience and there's a massive section about love. And as we were writing the breakup section, her boyfriend of two years broke up with her.

[Michael Bostic]

What an idiot.

[Lauren Everts]

And she was like, I hate to let them.

[Mel Robbins]

Let them.

[Lauren Everts]

I'm not gonna like. And just literally because when you're broken up with, the advice is horrific. Bullshit. Don't ever tell somebody that just got broken up with. You gotta learn to love yourself because you hate yourself in that moment.

[Mel Robbins]

So what'd you tell her?

[Lauren Everts]

What do you tell her?

[Mel Robbins]

What did you tell her?

[Lauren Everts]

You have to let them leave.

[Mel Robbins]

Good advice.

[Lauren Everts]

Because they're already gone. And the more you hold onto it, the more you stay trapped in a life that doesn't exist anymore.

[Mel Robbins]

And him leaving is gonna open something else up that you're not even seeing.

[Lauren Everts]

But you're not ready for that yet.

[Mel Robbins]

Right?

[Lauren Everts]

And so here's the let me advice. Because there's actual research around this. So my therapist, Ann Davin, who is the single smartest person I've ever met, who's also Sawyer's therapist, requires during heartbreak. Because heartbreak is grief. Yeah, you're actually losing the life you thought you had.

[Mel Robbins]

It is grief.

[Lauren Everts]

And that means you're gonna go through the stages of grief. And so she's like, you have to go through a 30 day cleanse for real, where you remove their photos from the family photo frame. You remove their things and put them in a box. You don't have to burn anything. You don't listen to voice memos. You don't look at photos. And here's why. What most of us don't realize. I didn't know this. I wish I had known this in my twenties. Cause I was a walking red flag, for crying out loud. But what most of us don't realize is that it's not just that the person left, it's that you have to learn all new patterns in your life. Your nervous system is wired to be with this person. And so when you wake up in the morning, of course they're gonna be on your mind because they have been for years. Of course you're gonna feel their presence because they're in your nervous system. They're in the patterns of your mind. That's why you hear their voice as you're driving in the car. That's why when something happens, you wanna pick up the phone. So it's not just that you're learning to let them leave. You're actually having to unlearn the way that you are going through life. And so every time you listen to a voice memo or check the location, or you look at their social media, or you stare at the sleep with the shirt, whatever, you're actually keeping them alive in your nervous system when they've walked out the door. And so if you're listening and you haven't gotten over somebody and it's been a year or it's been months, I guarantee you there hasn't been a 30 day window where you have not re triggered them to stay Alive in your body. And there is no way that you will ever be open to something new if you are holding on and keeping this thing that's gone alive. And so 30 days, no contact, so that you can actually give your nervous system and your brain a chance to start to break the patterns of your old life. Second thing you need to do, change your bedroom. Like, put the bed on a different wall, paint a wall, get a different blanket, because you spent a lot of time in there. And so now you're gonna be laying in the graveyard of the old relationship. And it's gonna remind you that you're alone. And don't ever do like the revenge diet or that bullshit, because then all of that motivation is still tied to that person.

[Michael Bostic]

It's like a cut all ties.

[Lauren Everts]

You have to for 30 days because they just demonstrated they don't want to be with. And so the most powerful thing you can do for yourself is to get to a point where you've at least shown yourself that you can get through a month without needing them. You're gonna miss them. You're gonna flop on the ground and cry. You're gonna want to watch them on your phone. You're gonna want to listen to the voice memos. Do not do it.

[Mel Robbins]

I think this might be your next book. Maybe something with this. There's something.

[Lauren Everts]

Well. Cause I never thought about. Wait a minute. I'm grieving and I'm unlearning patterns. So the urge to reach out to them doesn't mean you're supposed to reach out to them. It's just like when you're going sober, you have an urge to drink. Why? Cause you're used to it, right?

[Mel Robbins]

It's a ritual.

[Lauren Everts]

Yeah, well, it's literally a pattern in your body. This whole thing's in the book?

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Lauren Everts]

And here's the other thing. In addition to the bedroom, there. There is so much interesting research. And I like the research because it makes me feel like I'm not nuts. And so when somebody explains to me, dude, if somebody breaks up with you, the power is not in getting them back. The power is supporting yourself in moving on. Because if you're meant to be together, they will come back. But your love of your life, you gotta believe this is not in your past, they're in the future. And if you could convince yourself that in the next year, the next two months, the next two years, you're going to meet the love of your life, what would you do at this time right now? And it might just be that person who returns but they're not going to be the same person because they're going to have changed and so will have you. And the 30 days proves to you, and you're going to be saying, let them. Let them. It's not going to make it easy. It actually makes you accept reality. And the longer you refuse to accept reality that they're gone, the longer that you do that, the more trapped you're going to be and the more you're closing yourself off to meeting the person who is the love of your life.

[Mel Robbins]

I mean, if that's not a great way to end it. If anyone's going through a breakup, that's.

[Lauren Everts]

One more thing I want to share.

[Mel Robbins]

Please share.

[Lauren Everts]

This is really important.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, my God.

[Lauren Everts]

No. The majority of people, over 70% of people, start feeling better after 11 weeks.

[Mel Robbins]

That's hopeful.

[Lauren Everts]

Yes. And the reason why you start feeling better is because you've forced yourself to move forward. And there are small things that you can do to actually shrink that time. The 30 days of removing all reminders, changing your bedroom, really thinking about, if I knew I was going to meet the love of my life, that the love of my life is in the future. And you truly believe that? What do I want to do at this time? Right now, it allows you to focus on. The second part of the Let Them theory is just let me. Let me respond to this in a way that really takes care of me. Because if you don't do that, but you're still giving the power to that person, hoping that they're going to come back and take care of you, and the truth is, you 1000% are bigger than this. You're stronger than this. And if you knew both that 30 days is going to be the hardest 30 days of your life, and you're going to get through it. And over time, if you follow some of the steps in this book and you keep saying, let them, let them, and you're going to live in fear that you're going to bump into them and you're going to live in fear that they're going to move on. Let them. Let them stop holding on to something that is gone and start doing the work to walk toward the future that you deserve. That's how you do it.

[Mel Robbins]

Mic drop.

[Michael Bostic]

Thank you, Mel Robbins. You're awesome.

[Mel Robbins]

The Let Them Theory book is available everywhere, I'm sure, where books are sold.

[Lauren Everts]

Amazon, anywhere you want to find it.

[Mel Robbins]

Where can everyone find your podcast, your Instagram? Can they? Say hi to Sawyer.

[Lauren Everts]

Hi, Sawyer. You wanna say hi?

[Mel Robbins]

I'm just putting it out there. Maybe someone wants to drop in your DMs. You never know. Let them.

[Michael Bostic]

We have on this show gotten people married.

[Mel Robbins]

We have gotten people married on the show.

[Lauren Everts]

Well she happens to be in a.

[Mel Robbins]

Relationship now but oyarobbins okay elrobbins please come back anytime. There's a hundred different directions I could have gone in with you and I feel like we got a lot out of this episode but Ed Mylett I did tell you did a three part episode so come back for two more parts please anytime. Anytime you're in town. Open and seriously open and you're great on a mic. I hope you guys love that episode with Mel. Tell us your favorite takeaway from this episode on my latest post and I will send a few of you mouth tape. Just go to Aurenbostic and share what you learned. I absolutely love Mel Robbins. You can also shop the mouth [e-mail] that's shopskinnyconfidential.com.