Valerie Bertinelli On Overcoming Trauma, Letting Go Of Shame, & How To Practice Self-Love

Summary

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The Bossticks — Valerie Bertinelli On Overcoming Trauma, Letting Go Of Shame, & How To Practice Self-Love

Date: March 19, 2026
Hosts: Lauryn Bosstick & Michael Bosstick
Guest: Valerie Bertinelli

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Episode Overview

This heartfelt and wide-ranging conversation centers on Valerie Bertinelli's journey with trauma, self-love, vulnerability, and personal growth. The Bossticks discuss Bertinelli’s new book, her life in Hollywood, family dynamics, the process of healing from emotional wounds, and her hopes for the future. Key topics include generational trauma, redefining relationships, the meaning of success, healthy boundaries, body image, and the role of spirituality and creativity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Writing with Vulnerability & Authenticity

• Valerie’s writing process and evolving openness
  • Valerie didn’t set out to be so vulnerable in her latest book—it happened as she faced unhealed emotional traumas.
  • Quote: “Emotions are information...Our power, like Brené Brown says, is in our vulnerability. So that’s where I want to be now.” (03:15)
  • She cautions against self-proclaimed “authentic” or “vulnerable” people: “You don’t have to tell me who you are. Let me experience you.” (01:55)

2. Processing Emotions: Grief, Anxiety, and Public Trauma

• Valerie shares how sadness and grief surface unexpectedly, even during joyful periods (02:57).
• Discusses the triggering effect of recent public revelations around abuse and institutional gaslighting.
  • Quote: “It’s really harmful to see that none of these men...are being held responsible for it. And it’s really disturbing, I don’t know what to do except, like, scream.” (03:39)
• The heaviness and reactivation that survivors face in the current social environment. (03:39–06:15)

3. Surviving the Entertainment Industry & Childhood

• Valerie credits her safety in Hollywood to mentors like Norman Lear and Bonnie Franklin, and her family. Others, like Mackenzie Phillips, were not so lucky (04:59–05:54).
• Acknowledges “weird people” exist in every industry, not just Hollywood, but stresses the importance of boundaries and the right support (06:15).

4. Generational Healing and Reframing Childhood

• The power of seeing parents as human after their passing, allowing forgiveness and healing.
  • Quote: “Interesting, because the more...I understand that they didn’t have the models they needed to be the best people they could be. But had they, I know they would have been.” (09:48)
• Parenting becomes a mirror: “Having a child helped me with that, too. I totally understood more about my mother.” (11:40)
• Contextualizing and learning from family patterns rather than simply internalizing or blaming (11:12–11:57).

5. Letting Go of People-Pleasing and Shame

• Valerie describes how forgiving her parents allowed her to stop performing for acceptance and relax her “good girl” persona (14:11–14:38).
• Recognizes ongoing high alertness and people-pleasing tendencies, likely connected with her public life since childhood (14:40).
• Developing boundaries and stopping others from shaping her sense of self: “I am very different than I was two years ago, and I will not allow behavior in my life that I allowed two years ago.” (08:30)

6. Love, Divorce, and Enduring Relationships

• Valerie recounts her love story with Eddie Van Halen, their youthful marriage, and decades-long bond despite divorce (16:23–26:32).
  • Quote: “I met him when I was 20, and he was 25. We grew up together. We got married far too young… We waited 10 years to have Wolfie. We went through a lot in those 10 years. Basically the 80s, which I don’t remember too much of. Between the drugs and the alcohol it was fun.”
• Therapy played a crucial role in supporting their son, Wolfie, after divorce.
• She expresses gratitude for retaining love and good memories with Eddie, preferring this over resentment (27:58).

7. Body Image & Relationship With Weight

• Valerie rejects “weight loss” language, choosing “release” instead: “I’m not here to tell anybody how to lose weight...as soon as I started really dealing with the trauma in my life the weight would release because I wanted to be better to myself.” (28:36)
• She addresses harmful aspects of the diet industry and her regret as a former spokesperson (28:38–30:22).
• Embodying self-love: values her body now for what it does, not just how it looks (31:19).
  • Quote: “I want to work on my body so that I can move more easily in the world, not because I want to look better.” (31:19)

8. Reimagining Love and Dating After 60

• Valerie shares her “pilot light” moment—rediscovering attraction when meeting James Hetfield (Metallica), clarifying it’s not about dating but realizing she’s not “dead inside” (32:08–34:18).
• On dating: boundaries are key—no one younger than 56 or older than 76; must have a job, kindness, and mutual interests (50:56–52:11).

9. Creativity, Family, and Music

• Her son Wolfie’s musical journey and collaborating with Eddie Van Halen brought joy to Eddie’s later life (35:52–37:28).
  • “He wanted to play with this kid. And he was in heaven.” (37:11)
• Artistic self-expression is in everyone: “Everyone has an artistic muscle. Sometimes we suppress it because we gotta get shit done.” (58:32)

10. Spirituality and Healing Tools

• Valerie attributes transformation and comfort to Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life.” She praises Hay’s accessible, empowering, non-guru approach to spirituality (54:59–55:41).
  • Reframes spirituality as seeking connection, gratitude, and positivity—going beyond organized religion or doctrine (56:21).
  • Quote: “This is all gonna work out for my higher good. I’m okay. I’m safe. Nothing’s hurting me. It’s just emotions. They’re scary right now, but it’s just finding that peace within us.” (56:21)

11. Overcoming Shame Surrounding Trauma

• Valerie reveals her experience as a survivor of sexual abuse, the decade-long journey to say it aloud and the freedom gained by owning her story (59:53).
  • “My shame can’t be used against me anymore…because I own it…I own my recovery and I own my own life as a survivor and they can’t hurt me because of it.” (59:57)

12. The Ongoing Journey

• She isn’t sure if more books are coming, but she’s open to what the future brings and prefers focusing on helping people be kinder to themselves (58:50).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Vulnerability:
  “Our power...is in our vulnerability. So that’s where I want to be now.” — Valerie (03:15)
• On Trauma and Boundaries:
  “I realized that enough already wasn’t enough...What am I allowing in my life that I really shouldn’t be?” — Valerie (07:30)
• On Forgiveness & Generational Trauma:
  “If they knew better, they would’ve done better.” — Valerie (09:48)
• On Body Acceptance:
  “I appreciate my body now more than I did then because...I’m not embarrassed by it.” — Valerie (30:38)
• On Releasing Shame:
  “My shame can’t be used against me anymore because I own it...I own my recovery and I own my own life as a survivor and they can’t hurt me because of it.” — Valerie (59:57)
• On Spirituality:
  “This energy is what you put out in the world...the more positive energy you put out, the more positive energy there is.” — Valerie (56:21)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Vulnerability & writing process: 01:27–03:15
• Public trauma and gaslighting: 03:39–06:15
• Growing up in Hollywood / boundaries: 04:45–07:21
• On forgiving parents / generational trauma: 09:32–13:22
• Body image & “releasing” weight: 28:27–31:19
• Rediscovering attraction/dating at 60+: 32:08–34:34, 50:36–52:24
• Parenting, music, and legacy: 35:52–38:24
• Artistic self-expression: 58:32
• Opening up about sexual abuse/shame: 59:53–60:52
• Spirituality & Louise Hay: 54:59–56:21

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Final Takeaways

• Valerie champions radical self-acceptance, the courage to face trauma, and the importance of boundaries and letting go of shame.
• Her story underscores the universal and lifelong journey of healing, forgiveness, and reinvention.
• Creativity and kindness—to oneself and others—form the heart of her mission and message.

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Valerie's new book, "Getting Naked: The Quiet Work of Becoming Perfectly Imperfect," is available in print and audio. Her cooking shows are on the “Valerie’s Place” app.

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Transcript

[A]

Welcome to the Bostics starring Lauren Bostic and Michael Bostic. Together they are the Bostics. Hello everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Bostics. Today we have an icon, Valerie Bertinelli in the studio. She is a Golden Globe winning actress, Emmy nominated host, New York Times best selling author and entrepreneur whose decades long career spans television, publishing, food and lifestyle. Valerie, you're making me feel like an underachiever. She was also married to Eddie Van Halen, which is probably not relevant to this introduction, but as a V. Van Halen fan, I just have to say it because it's just, just, it's just super cool for me. Some of the themes that we discuss in this podcast are the career arc and what it looks like building a career that lasts, how to pivot, self acceptance, reinvention, and finding your true calling. Also finding power with age and experience and making sure you feel empowered instead of disempowered. Valerie does an incredible job making you feel that way when you sit across for her. And we had an incredible time with her with that. Valerie Bertinelli, welcome to the Bostics.

[B]

One thing that I respect so much about you is that I feel like you have brought the audience along your journey with your books. Every time I read a book, I feel like I know more about you and then you write another one and I get to know you even more. And now we're at the new book that you just wrote and I feel like this is, like you said, it's your most vulnerable, your most open. Is that something that you have done thoughtfully or is it just how it's transpired?

[C]

I didn't plan on talking about any of this in my book. And as I was going through some of the hardest times in my entire life, which is saying a lot because I have had a big life, I realized that I was really stumbling over some emotional traumas that I hadn't yet healed and I was letting people take advantage of me and tolerating behavior that I never ever thought I would. And I really thought that I'd healed from and wouldn't allow that behavior again. So I thought, I've just got so much more work to do. Oh shit, I got more work to do. But yet it's really exciting to do the work. And I think doing the work on ourselves and listening to ourselves and listening to our emotions because emotions are information that this is what makes us a full, authentic, vulnerable human being. And our power, like Brene Brown says, is in our vulnerability. So that's where I want to be. Now, I don't. A lot of people say, you know, I'm authentic, or, you know, I'm this vulnerable, and, you know, I. Anybody that tells me that they're vulnerable or authentic, I'm like, are you, though? Why do you have to tell me? Let me just be around you and see what you're like. You don't have to tell me who you are. Let me experience you.

[B]

Yeah, I think you do that really well in your books. Thank you. I'm a big fan. I told you off air. What's an emotion that you feel that you felt that has been information for you? If you look at all your emotions that you felt, what has been the information?

[C]

Grief, anxiety, sad. Just plain sadness. Like, I got in the shower this morning and I was like, why do I feel sad? What's happening? I just could feel the sadness. And I'm in a part of my life that I'm absolutely adoring, so why am I feeling sad? Well, there's a lot of shit going on, and there's a lot of shit going on in my life that that's good, but it's overwhelming sometimes. And there's a lot of stuff going on politically and publicly that is really shit. And there's files out there that tell us that there's a lot of creepy men out there and nobody's doing anything about it. And it's really disturbing.

[B]

It's heavy.

[C]

It's so heavy. And anybody that's been through any kind of sexual assault, abuse is really getting activated right now. And it's really harmful to see that none of these men, because of the power and because of the money that they have, are being held responsible for it. And it's really disturbing, and I don't know what to do about it except, like, scream.

[A]

Well, I think that also the creepiest thing about all this is for so many years, people were gaslit saying, there's nothing there.

[C]

Oh, good word. Yes.

[A]

And now it's like, well, there's so

[C]

obviously so much there.

[A]

It's like, chalk another win up to the conspiracy theories. They don't look that. They don't look that crazy anymore.

[B]

I think it's just the tip of the iceberg, too. I mean, there's gotta. For sure, we're seeing a little.

[C]

Well, there's supposedly millions of files that still haven't been released yet. And some of the files that have been released are so redacted, and then they slowly redact names, and then they push out names so that they take you. I don't I just. Could somebody, like, not corrupt in government help us out here?

[B]

You grew up in Hollywood at a very young age. When did you start your show?

[C]

One day at a time was. I started at 15. I was 12 when I did my first commercial.

[B]

When you look back as an adult and you have. You can see the whole landscape now. Do you remember moments where there was weird shit on set or were you never even.

[C]

I was so lucky. I had Norman Lear guiding me through the toughest times of learning how to navigate through this business. And I had Bonnie Franklin helping me and inviting me out to New York and stay with her was when I was just a 15, 16 year old. From that, I just like, I had this lifetime of just wanting to work in New York because Bonnie showed me the best parts of New York and how amazing it was. And I finally get to work in New York now, so I get to be bi coastal, which is really fun for me. But no, I. I was really lucky in the business because I had Norman Lear, I had Bonnie, I had Pat. I had a lot of people protecting me. I had my family.

[A]

So when you have those circumstances is that you're coming up and you don't even have an awareness that other things are going on because in your particular circumstance, you're safe and protected and have the right people for sure. Is that what it's like?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then there's other people that are having.

[C]

Yeah. And then there's my dear friend Mackenzie Phillips, who was going through hell that. And she worked her way through it. Oh, my gosh, she's amazing.

[B]

She. She has been through so much.

[C]

She's a phenomenal woman. And she.

[B]

And now all this was because she didn't know anything.

[A]

I think that's what's also so crazy looking back, is you've had someone like yourself who has a big career and a good experience, and you're. I don't have that. And then you have other people that are having the exact opposite experience. So it almost creates a situation where people are able to kind of maybe gaslight you and say, that doesn't happen.

[C]

Right, right. I mean, and I kind of get offended when some people write to me, oh, you're just like a Hollywood this or that and you don't know anything because Hollywood Holly weird. And I'm like, it may be there are a lot of weird people in the business, but there's a lot of weird people in every business. There's a lot of weird people at, you know, Space X. There's a lot of Weird people at Twitter. There's a lot you know there, but there's also a lot of good people. So it's like, you know, who do you choose to hang around with? Who do you have the opportunity to. Or do you have the strength or the whereabouts or the. To be able to say, nope, my boundaries going up. This isn't for me. I mean, because then you have to like, wait, I have to make a living? Do I have to put up with something I don't know. And where are your boundaries? It's. It's. It's really tough navigating any kind of life that we. Because we have to work so that we can put a roof over our heads because we don't take care of people in America. But you have to find a job where you also get along with people. I would hope so your job's not miserable.

[B]

What was the epiphany for this book in particular? Because it feels like you almost had an epiphany to write this.

[C]

I realized that enough already wasn't enough, that I said the words enough already. But did I really believe them? I thought I did at the time. I always believe everything that I say or think. But it changed because I had experiences. Like in 2024 is probably the worst year of my life. I had four surgeries. I was going through some emotional crap with someone and I. I had no choice but to say, okay, I'm. Obviously, I can't change anybody else or their behavior. I only have. Have control over my behavior. So what can I do differently so that I don't feel like shit all the time? What is it that's happening? What is. What do I not have control over? What do I. What am I allowing in my life that I. I really shouldn't be?

[B]

And what were some of the things that. That you gave more attention to? And what were some of the things that you gave less attention to?

[C]

I was letting some people shape who I was because I wasn't firm enough and didn't feel strong enough in who I really know who I am now. To the. To as much as I can today. I'm sure I'll learn more in the next year and beyond, but today I've learned so much more. I am very different than I was two years ago, and I will not allow behavior in my life that I allowed two years ago. And I didn't think I was allowing it, but I was just trying so hard to please people and trying so hard to make things okay that I allowed people to walk all over Me?

[B]

You talked about your parents in the book and how your parents were especially. It seems like your mom was, like, sweeping under the rug. Yeah. I think a lot of us grew up. I mean, different generations, but a lot of us grew up with that.

[C]

Keep everybody happy. Let's keep everything. Okay.

[B]

I call ostrich in the sand.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

There's also a lot of that. Keeping up with the Joneses. Like, don't show any vulnerability here. We're not.

[C]

You know, everything's just fine.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Everything's fine.

[B]

So. But what I found so interesting is about when you said that. You said when your parents passed, you started looking at them as human, and that was a shift for you. And it almost felt like you, like, also forgave any inadequacies. Absolutely. What was that journey like?

[C]

Interesting, because the more. And I could only do this after they passed, which is a little unfortunate. And that's where some grief comes in. Because I would love to be able to, like, really hug my mom and my dad now and say, I get it. I really get it. And I would do the same thing with Ed, with Wolfie, my son's father, because I get it now. I get what trauma, how it affects the brain, how it affects our emotions, how it affects our body. So I was able to dig in. And. Because I know a lot about, or as much as I could ever find out about their lives, I understand that they didn't have the models that they needed to be the best people that they could be. But had they, I know they would have been. I know in their hearts they were really good people, and I love them. It doesn't stop me from being angry at my dad for cheating on my mom. I'm still angry about it. But I love him. And I know that if he knew better, he would have done better. I know near the end of his life, he did do better. So I. You know, there's. That.

[B]

I also think, too, when maybe if you're. If your parents or any parents have bad qualities as the child, sometimes you're lucky to be able to observe those bad qualities because then you can fix it in yourself. Does that make sense? Like, there's things that maybe I had seen or have seen with my parents where I can look at it, and it's almost a lesson for me to be better.

[A]

We talk about this a lot personally now that we've become parents, which is, I think, like, the job of the next generation. And as you become a parent yourself, it's like, instead of blaming the parents, you gotta kind of look at the lessons and say, okay, these are the good qualities that I want to continue and move on. And then these are the things that were maybe not so good, maybe because they didn't know that we have a responsibility to kind of learn from. I think a lot of times we just, as humans, default to repeating the patterns.

[C]

I think you're absolutely right. And I think having a child helped me with that, too, Because I totally understood more about my mother. But I also don't want to negate what some people go through when they have to go no contact with their parents. I totally understand that, too. And I don't want to negate their feelings and why they're doing it. And I'm sure it's been a very thoughtful thing. Cause it's hard to do.

[A]

Yeah. No. And listen, every circumstance is different, and there's some behaviors that are so toxic and terrible that you need to just remove yourself. But I think about even my own mother, and she had me when she was maybe 23, 24.

[C]

Wow. And young.

[A]

And I have a great relationship with my mom. But I think, like, I didn't have children until I was 32. And I was like, imagine me at 24. I was like, I was underneath a bar somewhere. You know what I mean?

[B]

Underneath my skirt.

[A]

Yeah. But I think about that a lot of people grow up, and they, you know, maybe they're resentful of their parents or their anger. And, you know, when I think back, and, man, there's 20, you're just a child, you know, like, how are you supposed to know?

[C]

Yeah. I mean, you're very thoughtful. I mean, and I would encourage anybody else to do that and really try to make their parents into human beings and not these authority figures, which, as children, we think they are. And I know that just navigating the relationship that I have with my son. He's gonna be 35, and I know that. I know without a doubt that he loves me almost unconditionally. And I definitely love him unconditionally. He can do no wrong in my eyes. But have we sparred? Absolutely. And has he been angry at me? Absolutely. And I'll say, okay. And I get curious, what's going on? How can I listen to you better? So we've been able to work through stuff, and he's allowed to be angry at me. And even better, thank you for telling me. And we can move on and work through it.

[A]

But my epiphany didn't come until I had children of my own, because then I started thinking like, wait a minute. I also am kind of just figuring some shit out. Right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We talk about all that and I

[C]

think as kids, we then finally understand that our parents were just trying to figure it out.

[A]

And side note in which we gotta circle back to this. It's hard for me to sit here and listen to you say my former husband, Ed. Cause I don't look at him as. It's weird for me to hear you call him just Ed. Cause I look at him as Eddie Van Halen. But we'll go back to that one. Put a blanket on.

[C]

Because that's the way I knew him.

[A]

I know it is.

[C]

He was my husband. He was my ex husband. He's the father of my child.

[A]

So, yeah, weird for me.

[B]

Pretty big flex.

[A]

That's a big flex. Yeah.

[B]

When you. When you. It's a big flex. When you decided or made a decision or whatever it looked like to forgive your parents, was that a big part that contributed to your healing journey that you went through?

[C]

Yeah, I think so. That's a very good observation. It was a big part of it because then I realized I didn't have to perform all that time to make them happy. I didn't have to be the good girl. I didn't have to make sure that everybody was happy so that I could then relax. And I don't know if I ever relaxed my entire childhood, but I don't know if I ever relax now either.

[B]

Your energy feels relaxed.

[C]

I. Maybe it is, but I think I'm. I still have this thing where I feel like I'm on high alert. And maybe that has to do with being in the public eye since I was 12 or 15.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And maybe that has to do with. There's still that people pleasing in me that I don't want to say anything that might offend somebody because I know we're all different and we all go about healing or go about our lives in different ways. And I'm not here to judge anybody. I'm just trying to offer you what's happened to me and if you can use it.

[A]

Have you ever had your brain scanned?

[C]

No.

[B]

What?

[C]

Well, I'll tell you why that's so interesting.

[A]

I'll tell you why. Because we have our friend, Dr. Amen, who does some brain scans and they scanned our brains and there's.

[C]

I'm afraid to look at my amygdala.

[A]

Yeah. There's slow brain and fast brain and one's not better than the other. It doesn't mean like slow.

[C]

Right. It's just different.

[B]

There's tortoise and there's hare, but I.

[C]

I'm a bit of both.

[A]

What you're saying is I have a brain that is, like, constantly wired to look for what's around the corner and danger, and it makes me anxious at times. Yes, And Lauren has the opposite. And what they were saying is people that have that kind of wiring could maybe live longer. Cause you're hyper vigilant and kind of like nervous.

[C]

But I must say, I also have the blinders on that. I just, like. I don't want to know what's happening. I don't need to know what's happening. I'm just going to sit here in my chair and read a book.

[B]

You sound like a Gemini cat on

[C]

my L. I know, but I'm a Taurus and a Scorpio rising.

[A]

Okay, but that might an Aries moon to some of the anxiousness because, like, you have the fast twitch brain that's looking for the thing. Then you're also kind of not plugged in.

[C]

I can switch off. Yeah, but I don't have any Gemini in my chart.

[B]

Well, a little Taurus, maybe. That's close enough.

[C]

Maybe.

[B]

When you are a young girl, how does Eddie Van Halen approach you? Like, how does he come up to you?

[C]

I didn't. I approached him.

[B]

You approached him?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And what did that look like?

[A]

I imagine he got a few approaches.

[C]

Yeah. And after we married as well? Well, I had gone to. My brothers took me to a Van Halen concert in Shreveport, Louisiana, in 1980. So y' all weren't alive. And we went there because it was during the actors strike, and I. My parents lived in Louisiana, Shreveport, and Van Halen was playing. So my brothers called me and said, you got to come out. Because if you come out, the radio station said that we can get backstage. I'm like, okay. And I'm a Linda Ronstadt, Elton John freak. So I didn't even know who Van Halen was. And my brother said, there's an A track in the back of your car. I left it. Just listen to it. So I did. And I saw the picture and I saw what Ed looked like, and I went, oh, he's cute. I could meet him. Okay. So we went backstage, and I handed each of them a bag of M and Ms. And because at that time in their rider was to make sure that the rider was red, they said, we need M and Ms, and all the brown ones should be removed. And that way they know that the rider was red all the way through.

[B]

They're the ones that started this?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. Go ahead.

[C]

Oh, my God. Yes. Van Halen started that because a lot of riders wouldn't get read. And then some of the rigging might be dangerous because they didn't read all the way through on exactly how the rigging was supposed to be done. So. Or what was supposed to be there.

[B]

So do you go up to him or does he go up to him?

[C]

I went up to him with a bag of M and Ms, and he's so shy, and he just gave me this gorgeous, impish grin and said thank you. And then he went back into his room and you could hear him playing because he had his own two up room. And then I hung out with Al and Mike and we laughed. And then I hung out with my brothers, and then we went and saw the show and they put me on the side of the stage and Ed kept grinning at me through the entire show. And every time we'd come back to get his guitar tuned, he would, you know, just look at me. And then we back went back to their hotel, my brothers and I, and hung out at the backyard pool. It was a Motel 6 somewhere in Shreveport. And we just hung out until they had to leave on the bus.

[B]

All right. We do family movie night every single Friday. And it's like a tradition in my house. So each week one of us gets to pick a movie. Towns is really into Star wars right now, and Zaz is into the little Princess. And what we do is we make popcorn. We put some crunchy sea salt in it, and then we add unreal dark chocolate. We're really in to the dark chocolate peanut butter cups, but do not sleep on the pink bag. That's my favorite. They're milk chocolate gems. They're like a creamy milk chocolate and there's no artificial dyes. We're huge fans. The gems are colored by nature, fair trade, gluten free and made with RBST free milk. So this is like the candy that I give my kids. It's always by Unreal Snacks. I like the ingredients in them. I think I want my kids to have fun and eat all the things, but I like to be intentional about what products I'm bringing into the house. And Unreal snacks just has it covered. I love they use zero artificial preservatives, flavors and colors, but most of their products are vegan too. You should also know we like to put the dark chocolate peanut butter cups in the freezer. It's like, so good. This is our tradition with family movie night, and we Got some candy nostalgia going on. You cannot go wrong with Unreal. You can find Unreal products anywhere Craving scent, including at Whole Foods, Target, Costco and other grocery stores. As a special offer for our listeners, visit unrealsnacks.com skinny to get $2 off a bag of Unreal. Terms and conditions apply. This podcast is sponsored by Veracity. Welcome to an all natural way to slim down, get energized and sharpen your focus. Ferocity is revolutionizing health by tackling the root cause of so many issues, metabolism. So here's the deal. With Verasity's drug free, clinically proven and doctor formulated solutions, you can support your body's needs to live your healthiest life. If your goal is weight loss, then check out Metabolism Ignite. This is the number one doctor recommended GLP1 booster and GLP1 alternative. Okay, no side effects, no allergens. Metabolism Ignite is natural, safe, plant based and it results in 85% reduction in hunger and is clinically proven to lose on average of £9 in 90 days. So I just started to try this and I'm doing two capsules with breakfast and I feel like it gives me energy and I feel like I don't need to do a second cup of coffee. So what's in Veracity? This is an important question, right? It's lemon verbenda. It's also hibiscus extract, green coffee bean extract and magnesium. If you're on GLP1 medications, Verasity is safe to take along with the GLP1 medication to aid in boosting your metabolism and appetite control. So make the switch to GLP1s the natural way. Head to VeracityHealth Co and use code skinny for up to 60% off your order. Once again, that's Veracity Health Co up to 60% off. And make sure you use our promo code Skinny so they know we sent you guys.

[A]

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[B]

Okay, this is like kind of a hot take. I think that organ care is going to be the new skincare. We spend so much time focusing on what's happening on the outside, but we all know it's how we feel in the inside. I've been doing some digging into the root cause of just feeling tired and I keep coming back to the one organ that we do not talk about enough. The liver. Your liver is involved in hundreds of processes in the body, yet most of us are doing nothing to support it. So if you want to give your liver some love, you can try dose for your liver. Okay, so what it does for your liver is it's no capsules, it's no powder, it's just a highly absorbable liquid supplement and it's taken daily. It's like a two ounce shot that tastes just like fresh orange juice. Dose for your liver is a plant forward formula that's clinically backed to promote liver function and cleanse the liver of unwanted stressors that may be like slowing you down. There's zero sugar, zero junk and zero calories. The liver is your body's daily filter. I like to put castor oil on mine every night. I got my rollerball going on but this is a really great way to also sort of like have a liver health supplement. I didn't know this, but the liver processes everything you Consume and performs 500/daily functions Energy production, digestion, fat metabolism, vitamin storage. The liver is key in making these processes happen every day. So if you want to support your liver, you gotta check out Dose. New customers can save 35% off your first month subscription by going to dose daily. Co skinny or entering Skinny at checkout. That's D, O, S, E, D, A, I, l, y, dot, co, slash skinny for 35% off your first month subscription. Do all of you guys understand how powerful you are in the media at this age? Or did you guys have no context of it? Because you guys. That's a powerful group of people.

[C]

No.

[B]

No idea.

[C]

No.

[B]

That's crazy.

[C]

No. Well, there wasn't the Internet. There wasn't anything. There was Teen Beat and Tiger Beat.

[B]

I remember Tiger Beat.

[C]

Yeah. And that. I mean. I mean, I was already getting attention because of my show. And then Ed was getting attention because he's so brilliant.

[A]

He's probably one of the greatest guitar players of all time in the history of the world.

[C]

I mean, he started things that no guitarists were doing before.

[B]

He probably has one of the best. I found out about Ed through Valerie.

[A]

He probably has one of the top.

[B]

I mean, I knew his name, but like, that's how. If you were to ask who that is, to me, I would say it's Valerie Bertinelli's ex husband.

[A]

When they studied. Watch in the future when they studied.

[C]

Now it's Wolfie Van Halen's dad.

[A]

The greatest guitar solos of all time. I guarantee he will have one of the top five.

[C]

I agree.

[B]

In your books there seems like you have a really fond, loving energy around him. Yeah, it feels.

[C]

I met him when I was 20.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And he was 25. We grew up together. We got married far too young, but I don't know how else we would have done it. Our lives were insane. We waited 10 years to have Wolfie. We went through a lot in those 10 years. Basically the 80s, which I don't remember too much of. Between the drugs and the alcohol, it was fun. You know what? I'm not gonna lie. It was a lot of fun. It was a lot of. Yeah, but I would never. I would not do it again. I've done it. I don't need to do it anymore. What was your question?

[B]

What is it?

[C]

I'm sorry, the drugs just hit me.

[B]

No, it seems like you just have a lot of love.

[A]

What is it like trying to manage a relationship with your profile and his profile at that time in the 80s, and stay connected and not just have it go off the rails? I imagine that Was a lot.

[C]

Oh, it went off the rails all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, we were both doing drugs. We were both drinking far too much. And then I stopped drinking and doing drugs. So I stopped doing drugs. I was still drinking. And he kept doing the drugs. And I was like, you got to go to rehab. And it's just like, who am I to whatever? But neither one of us dealt with any of our traumas that we were much closer to then, so. And he went through a very traumatic childhood. So as long as I'm not dealing with those, we're going to use drugs and alcohol. And for me, it was also food to numb any feelings we just didn't feel like feeling because we don't want to hear the information because it was too painful. So now that I know all this, I feel like. And near the end of his life, I could be much more compassionate because first of all, I love him dearly. And this is to not say anything against his second wife or my second husband. I just love the father of my son that I knew since I was 20. I didn't. I knew that we would never be intimate again, even if had he lived. But he would always be one of my dearest friends because he's just. He was ed. He was just a huge part of my life.

[B]

I can understand that. I've known Michael since he was 12, and I can totally.

[C]

Wow. So you get it.

[B]

I totally get what you're saying, because

[A]

we got back together when we were 12.

[B]

But also, I think when you have a child with someone and you Then you don't have a child with whoever else you date or you marry, you're never gonna have all the firsts that you are.

[C]

There's a connection.

[B]

There's just a connection. You can't take it away.

[C]

No.

[B]

It's just. Is what it is.

[C]

And I would much rather feel this way about Wolfie's father than I would hating him.

[B]

I know. And how lucky is Wolfie that he has you to give fond memories?

[C]

Hopefully. I mean, we've gone through some tough spots. A lot of tough. The three of us went to therapy together for at least a year so Wolfie could get heard. And this was like a little bit after our divorce. And I think it was helpful, I hope.

[B]

I mean, it sounds helpful.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You also have opened up about your weight loss journeys. And in this book, you said you don't. And I'll let you say you don't lose weight anymore.

[C]

Release it.

[B]

You release it.

[C]

Right?

[B]

Why?

[C]

Because I'm not here I feel like I did a lot of damage by being the spokesperson for a company that sold weight loss. And I think it's a billion dollar industry that is dangerous because I think everybody's individual journey is much more important to talk about. I think unless and until you deal with the emotions that are like helping you to use alcohol or drugs or food as a process to avoid feelings and numb your feelings, you're not going to get to the, to the real heart of why you're gaining weight or why you're using food to just not feel your feelings. And so I'm not here to tell anybody how to lose weight. I know that as soon as I started really dealing with the trauma in my life that the weight would release because I wanted to, I wanted to be better to myself. I wanted to feed myself better. I wanted to. We all know what foods are good for us and how they're going to help us in the diet. But I don't want to be obsessed with that anymore because I'm probably, probably the biggest. I've been. I don't know, I was. How much. I don't even know how much I actually weigh, but I was at least 20 pounds smaller when I was the spokesman for a weight loss company. And I actually appreciate my body now than I more than I did then because it was too hard to stay there. That was just me, you know, white knuckling it so that I could be a good spokesperson for a diet company. And I, I'm not going to white knuckle it anymore. I'm going to go up and down in weight. I have a, you know, I have a couple different sizes of jeans in my closet and I'm not embarrassed by it.

[B]

You posted a selfie that you said people went like wild.

[C]

Basically. My underwear looked like a bikini. So I didn't understand. I was trying to show you looked hot. Thank you. Yeah, you looked hot. Thank you. Well, I was trying to show that I have wrinkles here and I have stuff here and here and it's normal. I mean, I have even more now because I'm getting older. That was a couple years ago. But like, it's just a body. And I'm more proud of my body for getting me up the stairs. I want to be around to hold my grandchild one day when I'm lucky enough to have one. I want to work on my upper body right now, not because I want great arms, but because I want to be able to lift my carry on to the overhead compartment. And it's getting Harder. So I need to do a little bit more weight work. I want to work on my body so that I can move more easily in the world, not because I want to look better.

[A]

I think about this a lot as being physically able and fit and doing those things. You will then probably be less stressed about what you're talking about and likely actually end up where you want to be.

[C]

Right.

[A]

But you get to feel better and live better.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And just be healthy.

[C]

Right, right. With a healthy attitude as well.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think there's a lot of people listening that are at different stages in their love life. And you were really open about your love life and you kind of said that in the book that you don't. You didn't know if you wanted to have another chapter in love.

[C]

I still.

[B]

And then you saw James, and James is the lead singer of Metallica.

[A]

Hetfield.

[B]

Hi.

[C]

Yeah, hi.

[B]

You see how I didn't. I wasn't going to tell you.

[C]

I screenshot it.

[B]

So you see the singer of Metallica

[C]

and meet him and you get a little goosebump. I did. And before this. And let. Let me.

[A]

Oh, my God. Between Van Halen and Metallica.

[C]

Well, Wolfie opened for Metallica for two years, so I ran into James a lot.

[A]

That's gotta be one of the coolest things ever.

[B]

Oh, James.

[C]

He's such a sweet, sweet man. And let's be very clear, he has a gorgeous, beautiful girlfriend. You said that.

[B]

You said that.

[C]

I wasn't about taking his girlfriend or trying to get him to date me. It was. What happened to me was I thought I was dead inside. I really did, because I thought, I'm never gonna date again. I am gonna get more cats and I'm gonna grow old and not give a shit. And I was just angry and I was hurt. And that was the first time. It's like, oh, I still have my pilot light. It's still lit. Okay. So I can find men attractive. I'm not dead. Thank God. Now what's happening is I don't know because I don't even know how to go about finding anybody out there. And I'm not looking a bookstore. So.

[A]

Wait, hold on.

[C]

Pause for bookstore.

[A]

Pause for one quick second.

[C]

Like Billy Crystal.

[A]

Are you a personal fan of heavy rock and heavy metal?

[C]

I'm a personal fan of Mammoth, my son's band.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

But do you.

[B]

And you love it? You listen to it?

[C]

I not only love it, I listen to it all the time. Yeah. It's basically Taylor Swift and Wolfie.

[A]

Okay. Because as you're Talking. I mean, not to paint a picture and we're just meeting, but you tend to maybe seem to have a type of a guy that you go out there.

[C]

Not really. Which is interesting, because if you look through, James and Ed look nothing alike.

[A]

No, but they both.

[C]

And my second husband looks nothing like both of them. I don't have a physical type.

[A]

But you're not. Like, you don't listen to Master of Puppets. And, like, that's a good album.

[B]

Let me see this James. I like Territor. Let me see. I don't know what James looks like, so.

[A]

Because, like, if I put on heavy music for Lauren, you will turn it off in two seconds.

[C]

Well, listen, you know what? But I'm with Lauren on this one. I can't listen to it all the time now at a live concert. It's mesmerizing. Especially when you go to see a tool concert.

[B]

I've never been to a live concert. You've never taken me to one. We danced at our wedding to Nothing Else Matters. The frequency is pretty.

[A]

Well, that's a. That's a softer song.

[B]

Wait, this James is.

[A]

No, listen, we're not good.

[C]

So I had a little, like, crush on him for, like, a millisecond. And then I was like, oh, I was more grateful that I got that little millisecond crush. Oh, he's so hot on stage that I was like, oh, okay, I'm not dead now I can actually see if I could actually date somebody.

[A]

When I was a kid. The first. So Ozzy died this year.

[C]

I know.

[A]

And I was, like, depressed because I realized what it was was when I was, like, 11, 12 years old and trying to figure out myself, I figured out Black Sabbath. And then that led me to Van Halen and then ultimately to Metallica. And what I realized is, like, I think depending on when you find music in your life, it will kind of, like, propel you throughout the rest of your life. And so some of these characters are

[C]

like, yeah, I think you're right. Cause I started off loving Elton John and Linda Ronstadt, and now I. And then I loved Van Halen because I knew something about the people in it. And if I know something about the people in the band, I'm more towards enjoying it. But I'm like, I'm a die hard Swifty, and I'm a die hard mammoth.

[A]

Well, I think music is as close as you can get to immortality because it can live on.

[C]

Well, puts your body on a different frequency. And that's why I do sometimes in the morning, if My cats are feeling a little crazy. I'll put on Bird tv and I'll put on Solfeggia music, and I'll do a certain Hertz so that, you know, they kind of, like, chill out and they don't have any anxiety.

[B]

We love Hurts. You wrote about Hurts. You also love the Bird song. I take my son and his character, his little stroller, and he loves the

[C]

Bird song because they're all singing to us.

[B]

Yeah, it's good. The freaky.

[A]

Soon he's gonna love heavy metal.

[C]

Yes, he will.

[B]

What was it like for you to have experienced everything with Eddie and then you have a son who's got this talent, too? Is that wild?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. Cause I'm still, like. My jaw drops when I watch Wolfie on stage. He's just phenomenal. And, like, some of my favorite moments are sitting in 5150 watching Wolfie create his records with his team. He's. It's just. I'm like, that's my son.

[B]

Is it genetic?

[C]

It could be, but I don't know, because Wolfie works his ass off. I mean, he's probably got about 10,000 hours under him. I mean, I don't know, but he's been doing this for almost 20 years, so he's got a lot of hours under him of playing music. Starting on drums when he was 8 or 9 and then moving to guitar. He wanted to learn. He had Ed teach him a song for sixth grade, Step Up. And Ed just was like, his eye. Ed's eyes always sparkled when Wolfie wanted to learn something. And then he learned bass so they could play with Van Halen because his dad wanted to. I mean, getting his dad to play again and find joy in playing. Only Wolfie could have done that. And.

[A]

Oh, that's interesting. That's the reason he went back and started with Ed.

[C]

Never would have toured again if it wasn't for Wolfie.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

At all.

[C]

And so we got three extra tours, and I think an album or two out of all of that, because Ed so enjoyed. I mean, I remember when I was pregnant, we didn't know whether it was a boy or a girl. And he was like, I don't care what it is, as long as they can play music. I just want to play with this kid. And he was in heaven.

[B]

Do you remember what you guys did to cultivate the talent? Like, is there. Was. Was Eddie, like, playing in front of Wolfie when he was little?

[C]

Ed never stopped. Ed was. There was guitar against almost every wall. There was a piano in the living room there was 5150, which is right up the hill. So the Uncle Al's drum set was set up there all the time. So Wolfie had. And then we got his own drum set. So he had musical instruments all around from the time he was little. He had this little tiny red piano. You know, those cute little kids pianos. But he had that. And he plunked out his very first song on that when he was, like, just a. I don't know, six.

[B]

And then you're also a performer, too. So it's like you mix it together, and what do you got? You got Wolfie, when it's opening for

[C]

Metallic Wolf, is a very good actor. Like, I. I mean, I kid you not. Like, people are missing something. Like, he's so funny. He's. He would be great at acting as well. But he's, like, got this music thing figured out, too.

[B]

How come you connected so much with Drew Barrymore?

[C]

She's like a kindred spirit. She is exactly. What you see is what you get. She is one of those people that are so rare in that they just don't judge somebody. She literally does not judge anybody for anything. She just will hear their story and understand it. And that's so rare. I mean, I'm. The first time I went to therapy is like, I just don't want to be so judgy anymore. Just stop me from being angry. And I don't want to judge people. And I still have a hard time to this day, but I try to remember the way Drew is and just to have an open mind and open ears and just let people be who they are. Unless they're hurting somebody. If they're not hurting anybody, why do I care what they're doing in their life? Why do I care how they're dieting if they're not hurting anybody? Why do I care how they're navigating their life if they're not hurting anybody?

[A]

For people who seek careers in the public eye, what are some things you would caution them against?

[C]

Don't believe the good and don't believe the bad. Don't believe any press, because none of it. You must find your center in yourself, and you must ground yourself. And I didn't learn that until the last few years, that I was not gonna. I was not gonna amount to really anything emotionally until I let go of how people perceived me. Now I can watch somebody literally write months and months of lies about me and be like, oh, isn't that interesting? Doesn't change who I am, though. It's just their perception of me doesn't mean it's true. It just means that they feel like telling people that I'm a shitty person, but that's not who I am.

[A]

And in the past, what would that do to you?

[C]

I'd be devastated. I'd be fighting. I'd be, like, trying to argue with people that you know and try to defend myself. I don't need to defend myself. I'm just. I'm not that. Why would I defend myself of a. Over something that doesn't make any sense to me?

[B]

That's liberating for you.

[C]

Oh, so liberating. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I'm not a good cook. I'm not a good cook.

[C]

I bet you're better than you think you are.

[A]

No.

[B]

No, I'm not.

[C]

You always want your husband to be honest.

[A]

He's always on, there's a thousand times.

[B]

I can make a good sandwich. Do not lie. The best sandwich you've ever had.

[C]

Huge good sandwich. That's huge. A good sandwich is not easy. Come on.

[A]

A good sandwich is not like you make a great sandwich. You do.

[B]

A good sandwich is pepperoncinis. Is that. Yes.

[C]

Pepperoncinis. Yeah.

[A]

Once you can say it right.

[B]

And sourdough, lightly toasted with a little

[C]

bit of mayo, little bit of onion.

[A]

You can't have all the talent, Thorn. You're amazing at a thousand things cooking. Maybe you could be if you worked.

[B]

Well, this is Valerie's. The perfect person to ask. So you had a cooking show. Cookbooks, all the things. And even in one of your books, I can't remember which one, you would put recipes in it. Which one was that one? Why? We read it.

[C]

I believe that was enough already.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, but there was. I have three new cooking shows now that I have on my own at Valerie's place.

[B]

So I can go on and I can watch you cook. And you'll teach me.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

What's a recipe that we can start with if we're not great in the kitchen?

[C]

I would go Italian.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Anything Italian is so easy. Like, I would do like, a roasted broccoli pasta. Or I would do just an arrabbiata. Or I would do, like a vodka sauce.

[B]

You know, what you said. Or a marinara in your books. The jalapeno poppers.

[C]

They're very easy. They're so easy.

[B]

Did you make them or did you buy them?

[C]

Okay. I used to buy them and eat them by far too many. I would just, like, buy boxes and boxes. They're so good.

[B]

They're so really good.

[C]

They're so good. But now I make my own. Because you can make them without being breaded. And they're just. It's just cream cheese and cheddar cheese or jalapeno cheese, cheddar jack. And you wrap it in bacon.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And you're the word. You put it in a toaster oven. Yes, you do.

[A]

I had a friend.

[B]

I'll tell you why I'm a dark love person.

[C]

No, you have to. You will burn your eyes. You will burn your nose. You will burn your lips.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

If you touch your face.

[A]

I had a friend who was trying to impress a girl, and he made jalapeno poppers by hand. And they ended up going and getting intimate.

[B]

Later, he figure banged her.

[A]

No, don't say it like that. And it was a disaster.

[C]

Yeah, it would be. Ow.

[A]

And everybody was burning down below. And she was totally creeped out. And it was a total disaster.

[C]

I'm sorry.

[A]

Yeah, well, it didn't happen to me. No, but, but I was saying, if you're gonna do that, Lauren, then wear the gloves.

[C]

Yes, please wear the gloves. You don't wanna do that.

[B]

You discussed being at the Beverly Hills hotel, having a McCarthy $50 salad, and you got menopause. Your first hot flash. Ooh. What if someone's listening and they're gonna go through menopause? They're about to go through it. What is your tips tricks?

[C]

Don't let it scare you. It's just. There's just ride it. You can't do anything but ride it.

[B]

There's nothing they can you can take?

[C]

No. I tried hormone replacement. I tried all that stuff. It didn't work for me. Again, everybody's different. It didn't work for me. And I thought, okay, 100 some odd years ago, women went through this and they just, you know, white knuckled it. I can white knuckle it. I'm really good at white knuckling. Shit.

[B]

This episode is brought to you by Taylor Farms. Crunch, crunch, crunch. I just ate my chicken bowl, protein bowl in my office very quickly. It had sliced sweet potatoes, it had raw jalapeno, it had crunchy organic white onion, and it had chicken. And then I put underneath it to, like support it some Mediterranean crunch. By Taylor Farms. This is such a hack. With Taylor Farms chopped salad kits, it's easy to get your salad together or your protein bowl if you're like me. So if you want to add some veggies to your bowl or you just want like a salad, you got to check them out. There's no chopping, slicing, or leaving half a cabbage in your fridge. It's just fresh, delicious, yummy greens with some dressing and toppings. And you mix it up and you can just say, you know what? I'm basically a chef. They have 28 chopped kits, they have 10 salad kits, they have six organic chop kits and nine mini chopped kits. And of course, they have other flavors. Thanks for asking. They have Mediterranean sweet corn, sweet kale, Caesar, Asian, avocado, ranch, and everything, amongst others. I like the Mediterranean crunch when it comes to my chicken bowl, but sometimes in my meat bowl, I will go for the sweet kale. It's just like whatever you're feeling. They have something for every different mood. Super fresh, crisp, delicious. If I can do it, you can, too. Grab a Taylor Farms chopped salad kit and get your salad together. If something can elevate my day and make me feel more aligned, I'm in. And I have been driving with my kids a lot in the cars, to pickup, to activities, to the dentist. Our dentist is two hours away, which we'll get to in an episode soon. But when I'm driving, I always stop by Starbucks, and my specific order, because you know I'm going to give it to you, is the new iced lavender cream Matcha. Oh, my God, it's so good. It's, like, smooth, topped with this subtle lavender cold foam. It just feels chic, elevated, floral, fresh. And honestly, I feel like it's like spring in a cup. I am so in love with this. I actually text my friend the other day, and I was like, you have to try it. It's also so pretty. The best part to me about Starbucks is that you can customize what you want. So I can adjust the sweetness or change the milk to really make it my own. And the sweetness I like to make very, very light. I like it to feel, like, refreshing so it still tastes amazing. It just feels more refined and intentional. I recommended this drink, too, to some of the girls on our team, and they all loved it. It's perfectly balanced and I have no notes, and that's rare. You go in Starbucks and you create something that feels completely your own and personalized. And for me, with Starbucks, I make it work for my routine, and I customize my order. You can customize and edit as you please. That's what I love about Starbucks. So this spring, find your flavor and make Starbucks part of your ritual. And definitely check out the new iced lavender cream Matcha. Oh, my gosh, I'm obsessed.

[A]

Let's talk about Granola AI So many of us are stuck in back to back meetings all day long on these screens. If you guys know what I'm talking about and know the struggle, you're nodding along, you're contributing, you're trying to stay present. And it's an absolute disaster because in the back of your mind you're secretly stress controlling your memory for what was just said or who's supposed to follow up on what. I know I am. So what is granola? Granola is an AI powered notepad built for the way real people actually meet. Here's how it works. You take rough notes like you normally would, and in the background, granola securely transcribes the meeting. Then it turns everything into clean, structured, actually useful notes when the meeting ends. This is such a productive tool for anyone who wants better notes after meetings, who wants to stay on top of their tasks, who wants to be more productive. And as move into the AI generation, it's a great tool to start getting familiar with AI and how to use it to make your life more productive. And the best part, Granola works through your device's audio, which means it integrates seamlessly into the video conferencing tools you already use. No setup, no awkward bots. It's just your normal meeting with superpowers. You get to actually listen instead of frantically typing every word and still walk away knowing exactly what was decided, who's doing what, and what comes next. I love how this saves time. I personally love to take notes and then reflect, but it's a mess because I'm trying to listen. At the same time, so many of us forget things and we're going back and forth. I also don't like being in meetings where it makes it look like I'm not paying attention or I'm distracted, especially on screens because people notice those things and matter. So with granola, I know I can pick it up whenever I need it and it's going to be organized and it's going to help me be more productive. So check them out. If meetings are eating up your day, granola is a no brainer. You can try it totally free for three months. Just head to Granola AI/Skinny. That's Granola AI/Skinny. To get your time back, get three months free at Granola AI Skinny.

[B]

Introducing the Skinny Confidential Ice Roller. Reimagined. Think sleeker lines, a softer pink, a custom buttery dust bag and a silver roller. Not pink anymore. That is ice cold. I wanted to do a zhuzh on the iconic ice roller. I wanted to update it. This ice roller for me has always been more than just a tool. It's about helping us de puff and sculpt and calm the skin in a way that feels intentional. And I wanted the ice roller to feel evolved. It's changed. You've changed. So, yes, the new gorgeous, stunning, beautiful ice roller is still going to do the same things. It reduces puffiness and redness in your face. I used it this morning before I put on my makeup. It definitely helps with the under eye bags. Of course, it helps boost circulation and radiance. I just feel like it really helps stimulate blood flow and gives me that tighter, more radiant skin. And then it also is known to give you a smoother, tighter looking skin. So what I like to do is I like to combine facial massage with cold therapy. And this really helps give you a really nice foundation before you even apply your skin care. This ice roller for me is a full circle moment. I think that a lot of you bought the ice roller, you know, five, six years ago when we launched it. And now I am launching something that feels more in alignment with where you're at. It's so beautiful. You guys. Like, it's just softer and more effortless in every way. And I really put my own touches on every single little step, from the packaging to the colors to how it feels to even the roller. It's all been elevated just for you. So the ritual, the Lauren ritual, is you do cold therapy to help fight inflammation. You roll it, you glide it across your face. I put it on my jawline, my neck, I roll it down. Your skin is just going to appear smoother and tighter. Before you go in for the kill with the skincare and the makeup, don't skip the cold therapy. The new ice roller is an upgrade designed to meet the standards of today. And I hope you guys love it as much as I do. This is the beauty tool that started it. All redesigned to evolve with you. I'm showing it on YouTube too. If you're on YouTube, if you're seeing me visually, get it. Why it's [e-mail] that's shopskinnyconfidential.com how does someone date you? What if someone's listening and they want to date you?

[C]

Just scared the shit out of me.

[B]

How do we date you? What if someone wants to date you?

[C]

I'll go on a date with you.

[B]

Look out, Michael.

[C]

I'm a tragic. You're a little too young for me, though. Yes, yes, I have, I have parameters. They can't be younger than. See, I'm gonna be 66, so. 56. They can't be younger than 56.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And they can't be older than 76.

[B]

In your book, you have a specific description. It's a very.

[C]

Yeah. I want somebody that calms me, that reciprocates what I give. I like the idea of a big, burly guy with a beard and a guitar. I don't know if I could do a musician again.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Been there, done that.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Checked it off the list.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You got it?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I think you covered it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You did it at both levels.

[C]

It would be nice if he had a job.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

Cause I've dated men without jobs, and that's not fun. And I'm not here to judge. Drew would say, she'll take anybody. I'm like, after what I've been through and the amount of money that I've had to put out, please have a job.

[B]

Yeah, you need a job or at

[C]

least a retirement fund.

[B]

Well, I think it's not just about the money. It's about showing that you're waking up and doing something and being useful every day.

[C]

Right. And. Yeah, because you could be going and working at pro bono law, law firm, or you could be anything. Just do something with your life. What. What do you find. What do you find interesting in your life? When you have interests, I want to know what your interests are. It gives us something to talk about. Like, what. What do you do for fun?

[B]

What.

[C]

What do you do that. That confuses you?

[B]

That. That.

[C]

That. What do you do that challenges you? I just want interesting people, and I want. I don't want to be stressed. Like, don't stress me out. And please communicate.

[B]

This is a unicorn.

[C]

Yeah, I know. Which is why I probably won't be dating.

[B]

Don't stress you out. Wait.

[C]

Because, I mean, look, it's pretty hard to stress me out. I let a lot of shit roll off my back.

[B]

Okay. And.

[C]

But just be nice. Like, if you can't be nice to me or if you can't. Like, I like flowers, send me flowers. We like flowers. I dated a guy that never once sent me flowers.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no.

[A]

That's a bit of a red flag. You know, we went really broad, and this has gotten very specific as we've.

[B]

Women like flowers. I don't know why I say I like flowers.

[C]

I'd like them once a week, but surprise her.

[A]

I just sent you flowers.

[B]

That was Valentine's Day.

[C]

Yeah, Valentine's Day doesn't count.

[A]

You know, What? It. Either it doesn't count, but if you don't do it. Oh, my God. You know what happens if you don't do it on Valentine's?

[C]

No, no, you still have to do Valentine's Day, but that doesn't count. You should get flowers the next day, too.

[A]

It's like Monopoly. When you pass go and you collect the 200, doesn't mean you just.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

It's a given.

[C]

No, you have to do it on Valentine's Day.

[A]

And if not, you go straight to jail.

[C]

Straight to jail, Exactly.

[B]

You talked about the six stages of loving yourself. Is this your sort of mission statement? Or is it something that you learned from someone? Is it something that you apply, that you share with everyone?

[C]

It's just things that I thought, okay, I've done this, I've done this, I've done this. Those don't work. So now it's time to really do dig in and get gritty and figure out why it is that I allow the shit that I allow from myself, too. It all starts in my own head. So if I'm speaking unkindly about myself, it doesn't sound odd when someone speaks unkindly to me. It's like, oh, yeah, I get it.

[B]

I wanted to kill your friend. That said on the walk, something about, like, I know, your thighs. Yeah, the sound.

[C]

But I was able to now. Now I can laugh about it and I can wear those same pants and go, what an asshole.

[B]

You know? I was like, cut that.

[C]

Oh, yeah, cut that from. They're not in my life.

[B]

No, listen to the birds. You don't need to listen to that.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. And the sound makes me laugh. I mean, who has gap Thigh. Thigh gap. Thigh gap.

[B]

What do they call it?

[C]

Hot thigh.

[B]

Some people do legs.

[A]

What?

[B]

Hot dog legs.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, God bless you if you do, but not many. Many women are built that way.

[A]

Wait, hold on.

[B]

What's a hot leg at this moment? I don't have a hot dog legs after three kids.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know, Gus, but I bet

[C]

your legs are hot. I bet they're gorgeous.

[A]

I don't know if I would.

[C]

Michael. This is where you say, yum, Honey, your legs are fucking hot. Hold on.

[A]

I've never. I don't know if I would want you to have hot dog legs. That doesn't sound so.

[C]

No, you don't want her to have hot dog legs. You want the legs she has right now, today.

[A]

Listen, I love. We're on a third kid for a reason.

[C]

Yeah. Well done.

[B]

What does spirituality look like to you, you talked about my favorite person in the world, Louise Hay. I could not believe you opened your book with her.

[C]

Right. Because that got me through some really scary shit.

[B]

I. Every time someone comes on the podcast and they, like, are looking for something like, you gotta read. You can heal your life.

[C]

I feel like, oh, that book mine is yellowed. I've had it for so long. Yes, all is well. Everything is happening for my highest good. And even in this situation, only good will come. I am safe.

[B]

You kind of almost sound like her.

[C]

Oh, I love her. I love her.

[B]

She's.

[C]

And she was so before her time. So before her time.

[B]

Also, what I like most about her specifically is there was no pedestal that she put her on to be your guru. She was like. And she infused you with energy that you can be your own guru. And that is so different. As we've seen with a lot of these gurus are not so guru.

[C]

Some of them have to be on a list that just got released.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Trust your instincts. That's another thing I've learned big time in the last two years. I will trust my instincts. If I think it's a red flag, it is a red flag.

[A]

You know, it's weird because in this, I guess, like, if there to circle it back to, like, the entertainment Hollywood, like, sometimes what you see is not always what you get.

[C]

And sometimes what you see is exactly what you get. Like Drew Barrymore.

[A]

Yeah, that's true too.

[B]

Refreshing.

[A]

That's true too.

[B]

So how do you think about spirituality now at this point, after everything you've been through, after all the books that you've written, you've had such a full life. What's your energy on spirituality?

[C]

Making a connection with some sort of higher power universe, God, whatever you want to call it. I was raised a Catholic. I don't necessarily believe in organized religion. I think it's used more as a power play as opposed to someone really. Because if you can't ask questions of your religion, then something. It's about power. And it's not about really finding a better way to, for lack of a better word, behaving in life. Like, you don't want to behave, but you just want to be your best possible version of who you are, your highest version, so that you can then treat others with pure kindness and hope to receive that back. So in doing that, it's just looking for the goodness, the positivity in the world, because it's always there, finding the gratitude. It's always there. Even in our worst times, like the Louise Hay quote that I said. I was on the ground sobbing, and I was just like. Her words came into my, like, all is well. This is. This is all gonna work out for my higher good. This is all gonna. I'm okay. I'm safe. Nothing's hurting me. It's just emotions. They're scary right now, but it's just finding that peace within us. That is all of us. We are all connected in some way. It's all energy. And that energy is what you put out in the world. And the more positive energy you put out in the world, the more positive energy there is in the world. And we can hopefully negate all that crappy energy that's out there.

[B]

For some reason, I have a weird feeling that your next person that you are with is going to be a writer.

[C]

Tried that. No, thank you.

[B]

Why?

[C]

Maybe it was just that particular writer.

[B]

Yeah, maybe it was the particular writer.

[C]

Exactly, exactly. I find writers amazing. My son's a writer. My ex husband was a writer. Yeah, maybe it's a different kind of writer.

[B]

Maybe it's not like a traditional writer. Maybe it's a writer like Wolfie writes music, Right?

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Is he also a writer? Like a writer?

[C]

Oh, Wolfie writes his music. He plays guitar, he plays bass, he sings, he does everything on his album.

[B]

Maybe it's a different kind of writer.

[C]

Maybe. I definitely am. I definitely lean towards artistic people.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I like someone who really likes to use that artistic muscle in them. And let me just say, everyone has that. Sometimes we suppress it because we gotta get shit done. But everyone has an artistic muscle.

[B]

I want to know what book is next in you. Is there another book or are you done?

[C]

I didn't think there was after I finished this. But I usually think that when I'm done anyway. So let's see how I feel in a year. Because I've changed so dramatically in the last two years, and I didn't think that was possible. I don't know. I probably have another cookbook or two in me. I know I want to do that. But I also really like helping people. I like inspiring people to be them their best selves, because that then inspires me to be my best self. So in that there, that give and take, we all kind of rise a little bit higher. So I. I think there's still maybe like this book started off as exercises. Exercises in finding our best self and being kinder to ourselves. And then it just kind of veered off into like, so I'm a victim or a survivor of sexual abuse. So let's talk about that. Never thought I'd say that out loud, but I was able to work with the therapist for 10 years to where it now finally became something that I could actually say out loud and actually put a picture in my book of that 11 year old that was abused and say, that's not right. That should never be happening.

[B]

What did that do to your healing journey to be able to open up and say that?

[C]

It freed me in a way that I can literally say it because the first time I tried to say it 10 years ago, it came out and I thought, oh, okay, now that I finally said it, I'll be free and I'll be healed. No. Took me 10 more years of really digging down deep and then doing emdr, which really helped me. But being able to say it now there's a freedom in it that my shame can't be used against me anymore because I have had someone know my shame and then in anger try to use it as a weapon to hurt me. And now they can't do that because I own it and I own my recovery and I own my own life as a survivor and they can't hurt me because of it. And that gives me freedom and more in a way grounds me more that no one can hurt me. Like I can watch people talk about me and say things that aren't true and be like, yeah, oh well, and not feel like I have to defend myself because I know who I am.

[B]

If you guys have not read Valerie's books, I recommend going to get all of them, but you also can just pick one up and start it. Like you don't have to read start to finish, I think. So if you want to go get her new book, I also have it

[C]

on audio and I like reading. I do read it and I really wanted to do the meditations in the book kind of like really gently so that if you want to listen to it while you're in a bath, it may help you find a calm place and go someplace else in your own brain and mind and emotions.

[B]

That's really cool. So you can listen to your voice and do the meditations with you. I love that. Getting naked. The quiet work of becoming perfectly imperfect. Everyone can go buy it on Amazon. Is it pre order? When does it come out?

[C]

I suggest maybe going to your local bookstores where you really like to keep local businesses thriving. Love it. There's a bunch of great local bookstores everywhere, so go there first.

[B]

I will be in the kitchen trying to cook with you on your new show. Oh good where can we find your

[C]

new show that's on Valerie's place? It's an app that you can download. You can go to valeriesplace.com or you can go to wherever you download your apps.

[A]

This is great, Lauren, because now I can run you through all the albums.

[C]

Yes, please do. Take her through a discography.

[A]

I'm going to.

[B]

I'm going to.

[A]

You can cook. I'll run you through all. All the most important works.

[B]

Lowest frequency one. That's like nothing else matters. Like, where do we start? That's just low vibe.

[C]

Listen to Wolfie's. The last song on Wolfie's new album. He wrote that. I'm not. I don't know if I'm allowed to say, but he wrote it for someone special, and it's a beautiful song.

[B]

Okay, so I'm gonna start there.

[C]

All in Good Time by Mammoth. Listen to that.

[A]

Taylor, you listen to Mammoth.

[C]

You can also listen to Distance, which is a song he wrote for his pop after his pop passed. And that was beautiful that he was nominated for a Grammy for that. I'm very proud of my son, if you can't tell.

[A]

I think it's very cool.

[B]

That's a song that I sing my son every morning.

[C]

Do you?

[B]

He lives with his mom for the rest of his life. No one but his mom.

[A]

It's not going to happen.

[C]

Have you read I love you Forever? No.

[B]

I have to remember.

[C]

Oh, my God, that book. Okay, so I used to sing that book to Wolfie, and then I started looking at it and the way it progresses. The last page is kind of creepy, and so I'm like, oh, well, maybe not, but it's the same thing. I'll love you forever. I'll love you for always. You know my baby you'll be.

[B]

But also, squished at the window.

[C]

I know.

[A]

Get out of the house. At some point, have productive adult relationships with other women right in the girls.

[C]

But that's really what I thought. That's really what I thought, too. But I'm so in love with his wife, and I love going over there, and I love hanging out with them. I also love giving them their own time, but I really thought that, too, and I said, you're not moving anywhere far from me. And he literally is.

[B]

You also have to fill your frames with grandkids, so I can't wait. Wolfie, Andrea, thank you so much for coming on. Valerie, you can come back anytime.

[C]

Thanks for having me.