Amanda Kloots On How To Turn Pain Into Purpose, Heal After Loss, & Build Unshakable Resilience

Summary

The Bossticks Podcast
Episode: “Amanda Kloots On How To Turn Pain Into Purpose, Heal After Loss, & Build Unshakable Resilience”
Airdate: May 4, 2026
Guests: Lauryn Bosstick (A), Michael Bosstick (B), Amanda Kloots (C)

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Episode Overview

This deeply personal and powerful episode features Amanda Kloots—fitness entrepreneur, author, and co-host of The Talk—who shares her experience of profound loss after the death of her husband, Nick Cordero, during the COVID-19 pandemic. Amanda details her journey through the stages of grief, how she channeled pain into purpose, and the many ways she’s nurtured resilience as a single mother. The conversation blends wit, candor, and warmth while navigating topics like trauma, community, parenting, starting over, and wellness entrepreneurship.

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Key Topics & Insights

1. Amanda’s Career Journey: From Broadway to Fitness Entrepreneurship

[01:37–05:44]

• Amanda describes moving to NYC at 18 and breaking into Broadway, citing it as formative in building resilience, self-belief, and relentless work ethic.
• Broadway’s competitive nature instilled habits of dedication, adaptability, and persistence.
• Quote:

  “It taught me resilience, dedication, just saying yes instead of no...because everyone else is telling you no.” – Amanda [01:47]

Notable Moment:
Amanda humorously lists odd jobs she took (spray tan artist, dancing at bar mitzvahs, princess parties, fitness instruction), underscoring the hustle required between gigs.

“You name it, I did. I found fitness...as my through line to keep myself alive in between and out of shows.” – Amanda [04:06]

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2. Love, Loss, and Navigating Relationships on Broadway

[07:42–12:37]

• Amanda met husband Nick Cordero doing a Broadway reading but both were in other relationships at the time.
• Broadway and touring are described as “incestuous” and intimate, demanding strong boundaries and trust for those in relationships.
• Amanda recounts the development of her friendship (and later, romance) with Nick during her divorce, highlighting how trauma can foster deep new connections.
• Quote:

  “When you’re going through something really hard... you end up trusting or depending on people that you barely know.” – Amanda [13:52]

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3. Building Community & Facing Trauma

[13:52–19:58]

• Amanda details the experience of moving to LA with a newborn in 2019, only to face the pandemic months later.
• She describes the shock and disbelief of Nick—a young, healthy performer—succumbing to COVID-related illness, culminating in hospitalization and, ultimately, his death.
• Amanda fought for visitation rights amidst strict hospital policies; her first visit was to sign off on a possible amputation for Nick after medical complications.
• Quote:

  “The first time I was ever let in was to sign papers that he could die because his leg was being amputated.” – Amanda [19:58]

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4. Surviving Loss as a Mother During a Pandemic

[26:36–29:47]

• The immense emotional toll of being postpartum, in lockdown, with a critically ill spouse. Amanda compartmentalized to care for her son while managing traumatic hospital visits and uncertainty.
• She credits her son, Elvis, for giving her structure and a reason to keep going—a crucial anchor through chaos.
• Quote:

  “I would literally look at my husband and have to, like, just turn around, get in my car and just be like, flip a switch and walk into the house and go, ‘Hi, Elvis. How are—’ and completely switch into mom mode... I felt bipolar.” – Amanda [27:01]

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5. Turning to Social Media & The Power of Community

[28:45–35:32]

• Amanda initially used Instagram Live for virtual fitness instruction, before feeling compelled to open up about Nick’s illness.
• She was overwhelmed by how a global community rallied around her—offering prayers, support, and even medical advice.
• Experiencing group singing of Nick’s song “Live Your Life” for 95 days straight became a daily ritual and global movement, powered by solidarity and the healing power of music.
• Quotes:

  “There were days that I did not want to go live at 3pm and sing, but I forced myself to... He’s like, ‘You don’t know why? It’s community, Amanda... Everybody goes through things better in a community instead of alone.’” – Amanda [31:09]
  “People were singing it all over the world. Nick’s dream was to be a rock star. And, you guys, he died July 5th. A rock star.” – Amanda [35:32]

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6. Life After Loss: Grief, Healing, and Giving Back

[35:32–44:09]

• Amanda details the immediate aftermath: a sense of failure, but with day-to-day survival dictated by motherhood.
• She emphasizes writing as a therapeutic outlet—even for non-writers—both to process trauma and to create a record for Elvis.
• Discusses finding meaning in sharing her story, connecting with other widows, and how talking about grief brings comfort, not pain.
• Quotes:

  “I love talking grief and who would have ever thought? But I love connecting with people on their grief. It is so comforting.” – Amanda [39:36]
  “Grief taught me that I’ll never be better. I’m just gonna live with it.” – Amanda [41:01]
  “It changes you big time.” – Amanda [41:48]

• She frames her own drive, creativity, and public-facing work as both a coping mechanism and an act of resilience.
• Quote:

  “I love putting pain into purpose. And so I think that’s the other big thing…I have this pain, I’m living with it now. I have to make something of it.” – Amanda [43:31]

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7. Dating After Loss & Public Perception

[52:37–56:08]

• Amanda candidly addresses the stigma facing widows who date again, highlighting both support and harsh criticism from the public.
• She shares her strategy: confronting the issue head-on via IG Live, describing the real trauma of dating after loss, and advocating for personal agency.
• Quotes:

  “It is absolutely true. I did get a lot of hate and a lot of shame for when I started dating again...I just faced it...I was like, you want to know what the face of dating again after being a widow looks like?...Let’s have a real conversation.” – Amanda [53:07]
  “If you can't walk in my shoes, then you can’t judge what I’m doing.” – Amanda [54:57]
  “Nick was a lover…he would have…totally said, like, Amanda, you better…His mom, before he died, pulled me aside and was like, you need to find love again. Don’t you ever think that we would not want you to be happy…” – Amanda [56:08]

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8. Entrepreneurship & Wellness: Launching "Proper"

[56:47–60:21]

• Amanda discusses her supplement company, Proper, built for busy, overwhelmed people (especially women/moms) seeking simple, whole-food-based health solutions amid a saturated wellness space.
• Stresses tuning in to one’s personal needs instead of following every influencer or trend.
• Quote:

  “We’re a little bit oversaturated with what we’re being told to do...If you really tune in and like, what does Amanda need?...I created these supplements for that woman that just needs to go, 'I’m going to be in my car all day, I’m going to get a scoop of greens...' It’s not $150, it’s 28. It’s less than a dollar a scoop.” – Amanda [57:08, 59:23]

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9. Parenting, Simplicity, & the Wisdom Gap

[60:21–65:20]

• Conversation on generational habits in health and wellness: Amanda lovingly teases her mother’s coffee-first approach; Michael relates to the information void faced by older generations and expresses empathy for their challenges.
• Amanda’s advice for foundational wellbeing: hydrate, move your body, sleep, avoid processed foods.
• Quote:

  “If they say, like, what can I do?...‘Hydrate, drink more water, move your body, sleep, and stay away from processed foods.’” – Amanda [65:03]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “It taught me resilience, dedication, just saying yes instead of no...because everyone else is telling you no.” – Amanda [01:47]
• “When you’re going through something really hard... you end up trusting or depending on people that you barely know.” – Amanda [13:52]
• “I would literally look at my husband and have to, like, just turn around, get in my car and just be like, flip a switch...completely switch into mom mode...I felt bipolar.” – Amanda [27:01]
• “Everybody goes through things better in a community instead of alone.” – Amanda (therapist quoting) [31:09]
• “People were singing it all over the world. Nick’s dream was to be a rock star…he died a rock star.” – Amanda [35:32]
• “Grief taught me that I’ll never be better. I’m just gonna live with it.” – Amanda [41:01]
• “I love putting pain into purpose.” – Amanda [43:31]
• “If you can't walk in my shoes, then you can’t judge what I’m doing.” – Amanda [54:57]
• “Hydrate, drink more water, move your body, sleep, and stay away from processed foods.” – Amanda [65:03]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:37 – Broadway beginnings & work ethic
• 07:42 – Meeting & falling for Nick
• 13:52 – Trauma, community, and new connections in crisis
• 17:27 – Moving to LA, pandemic shock, Nick’s illness
• 19:58 – Hospital challenges and final days
• 26:36 – Parenting through trauma
• 28:45 – Sharing story publicly & the role of community
• 35:32 – The “Live Your Life” singing movement
• 39:36 – Grief, healing, sharing, and lessons learned
• 43:31 – Resilience and pain into purpose
• 52:37 – Dating after loss and societal stigma
• 56:47 – Building 'Proper' and finding simplicity in wellness
• 60:21 – Generational wellness, foundational health advice
• 65:03 – Amanda's daily wellness habits and advice

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Conclusion

Amanda Kloots’ appearance on The Bossticks is a masterclass in vulnerability, strength, and transformation. Her story—threading together the rigor of Broadway, the excruciating loss of her husband, the complexity of solo parenthood, and the founding of her wellness brand—offers listeners both inspiration and practical wisdom. The episode stands as a moving testament to resilience, the healing power of community, and the ongoing journey to find meaning amidst grief.

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Find Amanda: Instagram: @amandakloots | Book: "Live Your Life" | Children’s Book: "Tell Me Your Dreams"
Explore her wellness brand: Proper

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to the Bostics, starring Lauren Bostic and Michael Bostic. Together they are the Bostics.

[B]

Amanda Coutts. So many of you know her. She's a health, fitness and lifestyle authority who has really successfully evolved into a multi platform host and actress. You also may remember her as a presence during COVID The challenges that she experienced with her husband's COVID 19, illness and passing was something that she opened up about. And in this episode, we talk about loss and she's open and she's raw with her grief and we talk about dating after loss and we discuss how she's mothered through it all. Amanda is warm, engaging, and has a really unique way about opening up about grief. With that, Amanda, welcome to the Bostics. Well, you have built quite the community.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

It's impressive how you've built and it seems to me that it was like seamless and natural and not like strategically built. Does that make sense?

[C]

Yeah. And you're right, it wasn't. And that's, I think, like what continues to surprise me actually, in a weird way. But it was very, very natural and felt just like, even back, like, I consider building that community, starting with my fitness business. That was when like everybody, everything kind of just started. Like my first understanding of what community is was back in those days.

[B]

You started in fitness, right?

[C]

I started in Broadway, like performing Broadway.

[A]

We knew that. We knew that, yes.

[B]

Tell me about starting in Broadway. Broadway seems very intense.

[C]

It is. I was 18 years old, I moved to New York City and my mom and dad let me. I, I was going to a school, two year conservatory with no college degree. And I just was like, I'm gonna do this. And two days before I graduated, I booked the national tour of 42nd street and I was on my way. Broadway is absolutely amazing. I did it for 16 years. It teaches you so much about yourself. Going for your dreams, believing in yourself, who you are. It's like lessons upon lessons. Resilience. It taught me resilience, dedication, just saying yes instead of no. Just constantly telling yourself, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Because everyone else is telling you no. It's a lot, but it's wonderful. I'm grateful.

[B]

When you show up on an audition and then you actually get it, because a lot of people don't even obviously make it to Broadway. That's not even a hair of the work that goes into what you have to do to then perform, correct?

[C]

Oh, yes. Yeah. Because, well, I mean, if you're doing a Broadway show, you first of all, the audition, it can Be like a month long. It can be like six auditions before you actually hear anything. Callbacks and callbacks and callbacks. And so by the time you get the audition or get the call that you got the job, you're literally like screaming. You know what I mean? That you have as an actor, as a performer in New York, you have stability, you have insurance, you have a nice paycheck. You feel like you can breathe again. And nowadays it's very hard to even keep a Broadway show open. So you don't even know how long that's gonna last. But you're so excited just to have that stability in your life again. But then, yes. Yeah, you go into rehearsals sometimes. You go into workshops first, then rehearsals, then an out of town tryout, then coming back to Broadway. I mean, it can be a year before you even make it to your Broadway opening night.

[A]

So what were you doing to support yourself when you're dealing with all. When you're going. Waiting. That whole. That's a long time to wait.

[C]

Oh, I mean, you name it, I did. I was a spray tan artist. I danced at bar mitzvahs. I dressed up like princesses. I danced on boxes.

[B]

You'd be a good princess.

[C]

Thank you. I just am very tall. I'm a very tall princess. I danced on boxes at corporate events in different kinds of costumes. I mean, you name it, I did it. I found fitness, though, was kind of like once I started teaching fitness, I was like, okay, this is my through line to keep myself alive in between and out of shows.

[B]

What's so interesting to me is when we were researching for this show, your name comes up with someone who has a lot of grit, and you're so inspirational to so many people. But it seems to me that a lot of that foundation comes from the Broadway experience. Feels like that taught you a lot of different things.

[A]

Work ethic.

[C]

Yeah, for sure. Work ethic, you guys. I mean, when you're in such a competitive job, you are going to these auditions, everyone looks like you, everyone's talented, everyone deserves the job. And you're up against sometimes with Rockettes. I was up against a thousand girls for 12, 12 spots on the line that year. I mean, like, it is. You just. Yeah, it's. It's dedication. You. Like I said, you have to believe in yourself. I got to a point where I learned I had to walk into an audition with blinders on and realized I can only be me. I can go in. I can do the best things that I can do. Blinders on. Try not to look or focus on anybody else, because that just takes away the attention I need to put in on myself. You kind of really have to be a little bit selfish. You know what I mean? You have to really like, what matters. What do I need to focus? What do I need to learn? How can I improve? How can I improve? How can I improve? How can I do better? All the time, it's constant.

[B]

You also can't be late. Cause the show.

[C]

Oh, no, you can't be late.

[B]

Maybe I should go back and take a Broadway class.

[C]

You know, it's so funny. My late husband, we did our last show together, Bullets over Broadway. And that man was always late. And there were like a few times that he was just a little too late and that he wasn't allowed to do the show. Because if you miss that half hour, call the understudy. It's all in fairness, right? Like there's somebody that's waiting there, being told you're on. And so poor Nick, he just. He was always just a little late, I think.

[A]

Like, I don't. It's hard for me as somebody who's on time to understand the concept of being late.

[B]

Do not get on your high horse right now. You are not the most on time people.

[A]

It's almost harder to be late than on time.

[B]

Okay, let's.

[A]

It would stress me out too much.

[B]

You were late to the gym the last three weeks, every day.

[A]

Who do I drive to the gym with?

[B]

Me. But you can't. That. You have to be able to blame yourself and take accountability.

[A]

No, but it's. It's.

[C]

It's.

[A]

You know, it. I will watch her sometimes because we obviously do this together.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

We're learning to take separate vehicles now. Like today I was here in my office waiting until to avoid divorce. But I will watch her start to get ready or. And. And watch the time she thinks is appropriate to start getting ready. And I'm like, this is like, there's no way. There's enough time for this to be.

[B]

I have adhd, but I don't want it to become my full identity, so I won't go into it that much. But I do think I have adhd.

[C]

What are your signs?

[A]

Aries, Gemini.

[B]

Okay, what's your sign?

[C]

I'm a Pisces, but my sister is an Aquarius, and she is very much like you. Adhd. I'm sitting there being like, we have to go. But if I tell her, she's gonna yell at me and she's gonna say she's gonna be ready, and then she's always like a half hour to an hour later.

[A]

Yeah. Somehow it's like I, like, turn into the. For just wanting to be on time for people, and I just. It's a real mind.

[B]

It's like a mind you should look at your own, examine your own life. Cause you're attracted to it.

[A]

I have my own issues.

[B]

At what point did you meet Nick on Broadway?

[C]

We met doing the reading for Bullets Over Broadway. So talk about a journey to a Broadway show. A reading is a reading of the script with hired actors to see if the show is even gonna work out. A lot of times they'll invite producers and people that will invest in the show. Luckily, this show was already getting a lot of attention. And Woody Allen was involved, of course, and Susan Stroman was directing, and there was a big producer involved. So we met at that reading.

[B]

So, yeah, love at first sight.

[C]

No, no, I was married and he was dating somebody, and I was happily married at the time. So. No, we were just friends. Yeah. I mean, barely really even talked that whole week that we did the reading because I was in the ensemble and he was a lead. And not that we don't intermix, but it was. There's not a lot of time to mingle. It's like you're there to work and then you leave.

[B]

You better watch out. If I decide to go on Broadway, I do have quite the Broadway singing voice, so you better watch out.

[A]

Well, she believes so.

[C]

Oh, I think so.

[B]

I'll show you off air.

[C]

I love it. Okay.

[B]

Please.

[C]

I wish I still had mine. You know, it's a muscle, the voice. It is a muscle. You lose it over time. And I luckily just did a show this past January, you guys, after not performing for 12 years in, like, a theater space, and. And I took voice lessons here to prepare myself. Cause I was like, I just want to, like, make sure that this comes back. And it did. It's a muscle. It comes back. But.

[B]

So at what point how do you guys start dating if you're married and he's in a relationship? What does that look like?

[C]

So I unfortunately started to go through a separation with my ex husband and then turned. That turned into a divorce. And as that was falling apart, Nick and I just became, like, good friends. Like, after the show, we were always, you know, hanging out with the whole cast. A lot of times after a Broadway show, it's 10:45, and a lot of people, especially if the cast is young, they're like, where are we going? You know, you go to a bar and So I think Nick kind of saw that I was down and we just started chatting one night and became like really good friends and he could relate to my experience. And so I kind of just blurted everything out and we just, you know, got close from that. And then I, I remember being like, oh, no. Like, I think I'm starting to like this guy. And like, in the midst of my divorce, so it was a little sticky, but it ended up working out and being great. So that was good.

[B]

It seems like if you're on set with people like that and you, you are single or you want a date, like, it seems like you get close really fast.

[A]

That's why we do the show together. I'm like, we're not. That's like, I'm here. I'm right here.

[C]

You know, you're there. We see you. Yeah, don't, don't do separate shows, guys. With other people. No, it is very hard. You guys, I will say, like Broadway, performing, I think even Hollywood, film and tv, it's tough. You're around really talented, attractive people on Broadway. I'm in the ensemble. You're wearing less than nothing. You're in these cute little flirty outfits and you're spending way too much time together. And because you're in this environment, like, day one, you're like, oh, hello, hello. Day two, I'm sitting on your lap in a scene and, you know, we're just like hanging out and I'm like combing your hair. Like it's. And it's normal, it's intimate. It's intimate. And the thing is, is it's normal and every. You could be happily married and a cast member sees me on your lap and nobody thinks anything of it because it's what everybody's doing. So it's, it's, it can be, it can be very incestuous.

[A]

What I imagine if you're the partner that's not involved, even if you say you're comfortable and you try to be comfortable like that, it takes a toll.

[C]

It's hard. It's really hard.

[B]

What would you do if you saw me in my Broadway debut singing on someone's lap? Would you be okay with that?

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

Really.

[A]

I think we'll just fast track it to like, let's just. We know where this is going to go.

[B]

Really? You wouldn't like that?

[A]

Some good looking dude out there, better voice than me. Yeah.

[C]

And you're just singing into each other's eyes every night.

[A]

You just might be like, hey, let's just Fast track this to the end and call it a day.

[B]

Wow. I learned something new about that point.

[A]

Some pa.

[C]

I'm telling you, it's tough.

[A]

What I don't understand is sometimes, like, you get these couples and they're like, they're in porn. One of them, and the guys or the girls, like, yeah, I'm good with it.

[B]

I'm like, that's Porn's a little different than Broadway. Well, actually, I don't know.

[C]

I would hope so. I mean, I think.

[A]

No, but, but, but they're like, yeah, this is gonna work out. I'm like, this ain't gonna work out in the long run. This is not possible. I don't care how comfortable you are.

[C]

It's, it's. Listen, I, I, it's worse, I think on tour, I did three national tours, and tour is very hard because you're away from your home. You'. You're not in real life. And when I was going through my divorce, my ex husband was on a tour. I was on Broadway. We were not seeing each other. He's with his cast, I'm with my cast. It's tough. It's really like, you have to be strong and really trust your person.

[A]

Yeah. And if a relationship is already struggling and you put distance, like I was saying, like, in the future, if my daughter's ever dating someone.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's being a shithead, I'm gonna be like, we're gonna take a long trip away.

[B]

He plans this out. He already has this plan out.

[A]

No, because you, because there's something about traveling a far distance that makes the person, it kind of diminishes your. I don't know. That's not the right way, but you know what I mean? Like, you get over a breakup faster when you travel, when, if you're leaning,

[B]

your dad took you away from me and you still came back. So what happens?

[A]

But you didn't know what I was doing when I was away. I was feeling all right.

[B]

I was feeling all right too. I had my own stuff going on. Don't worry.

[A]

But the point, actually, that's a true story. When he did that, you just get over things way faster. Where if you're wallowing in the same city and you're around. So.

[C]

Yeah. Take yourself out of your environment. Yeah, that's a good plan.

[B]

How did your love story with Nick

[C]

evolve slowly over, over these conversations? We just kind of became really close with these intimate conversations about where my life was going. And he became. You know, it's funny, you guys, I, I've noticed this in both of the big, traumatic things in my life, like when you're going through something really hard, you. And I've heard a lot of people say this, actually, but I'm gonna make a general statement. But, you know, keep in mind, you end up trusting or depending on people that you barely know.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And for some reason, you don't want to talk to your best friend. You talk to the new neighbor that you just met down the street who all of a sudden is becoming your new best friend because she wants to hear your traumas. And that was Nick. He was there for me, and he just wanted to talk, and he let me cry on his shoulder, and he was just a really great, supportive friend, and. And I just started trusting him, and then we just really kind of started falling in love with each other.

[B]

And when did you guys end up getting married?

[C]

We got married in September of 2017. So three years after bullets Over Broadway ended.

[B]

And you said Elvis came in June 2019?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

So he came about two years later. Yes. Okay. And so when you guys have a baby, he obviously was, it seems from your book, was ecstatic. What was that like?

[C]

Yeah, Nick always wanted to be a father since he was 10. He really was hoping for a little girl. So it was a very funny gender reveal that we had when it was a little boy.

[A]

Did he not know?

[C]

He didn't know. And he was in shock. He just, like, his face dropped. He just really thought he was having a girl. But then, of course, he got on board, and it was wonderful. I mean. I mean, it was like, you know, we. It's that new parent trauma, for sure. We knew we didn't know what to do. Elvis is crying, and we're fighting, and, you know, we're trying to just survive. But it still was, you know, those early parent days of. Of just trying to figure it out.

[B]

And then I had a baby in January 2020, and literally the month after Covid happened.

[A]

March, March. Covid happened. Yeah, well, it was announced. Right. It was going on probably in January, February.

[B]

So when that gets announced, what were you guys just doing? What everyone else was doing? What was your pandemic life?

[C]

Yeah, we were. We were. We were already living here. We had moved here the September. September of 2019. So Elvis was only three months old, and we were living at my friend's guest house. And. Well, yeah, we just started hearing about, like, Covid, but we had to fly back to New York City to pack up our apartment officially in New York. So March, the first week of March, we Flew back with Elvis. And then that's when, if you guys remember that, like, second week of March, New York City started shutting down. Like, day by day by day, the world started, like, getting very scary. You were glued to the news. We flew back on St. Patrick's Day of 2020, and JFK was empty. Empty, yeah.

[A]

March. The reason I remember it is I was doing a deal and it closed literally the day before the pandemic was announced. And right after that shit hit the fan.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We were here in la and every. I mean, I think people that were in LA or San Francisco or New York, the big cities, because now we're in office, like. Yeah, that was a totally different experience than a lot of other places, at least in the US because the big cities just fully, like, became ghost towns.

[C]

Yeah. When I. I was in New York for 9, 11, and then for Covid. And when you see New York City shut down, you know something's up. You know what I mean? Because, like, New Yorkers don't care. And those two times, like, when New York is a ghost town, it's scary. It really. And I remember leaving LA that day, driving to JFK with Elvis in the car and Nick beside me, and just seeing, like, the empty streets, and it was like, this is really scary.

[B]

What's so crazy to me about your story with your book and your story in general is that you look at you and Nick, and you guys look so young, and it's. You almost think, like, when. When the pandemic was happening, it's almost like that's. You're not who I would pick to end up in the hospital. It's like, it's. You guys look so young and, like, it's. It's confusing.

[C]

Yeah, I agree with you. I still think it's confusing.

[B]

And he looks so healthy.

[C]

I know. He was. He was completely healthy. I know. It's so weird that sometimes I have to, like, remind myself that that happened. That's how weird it is. That. That whole thing. I mean, like, it is like, when I go back into my phone and look at photos or if, you know, photos come up on your phone, it takes my breath away. Sometimes I'm like, how. Like, it just. It doesn't feel real. You know what I mean?

[A]

So for the audience that's unfamiliar with your story, Nick ended up passing away.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Terrible. What was that like when you were going through the process? Because if people remember, they also. When people were getting medical care, they would isolate the families from the person. Were you guys able to be with Each other, The kids? Yes, you were.

[C]

Yeah. Well, thank God. So Nick was COVID positive, but then he got over Covid, and he was COVID negative. But what Covid did to his lungs and the pneumonia that was in his body was so bad that that's what kind of started everything. It was actually April 10th that I got the phone call that he spiked a fever, and he was dead on the table. They had to resuscitate him, and his life is minute to minute. At that point in time, though, he was already COVID negative. He was supposed to be taken off the ventilator and sent to rehab and come home in like, six days. And then said, I got a phone call that he died. So it was. It was a com. A complete and utter shock, obviously. And it just spiraled. It just spiraled from there. And he never could. You know, days in the icu, I had to fight to get into the hospital every day. I mean, they didn't let me in for a very long time. But because he wasn't on a Covid floor and because I was being tested and because he was still COVID negative, and that's where I was let in once in a blue moon for, you know, every day was different. Some days I was let in for an hour. Some days I was let in for 45 minutes. The first time I was ever let in was to sign papers that he could die because his leg was being amputated. So that's the only reason why I was let into the hospital that day.

[A]

Why did they need to amputate his

[C]

leg when they put him on the machine to save his life after April 10, when he died? On the table, It's a machine called ecmo, and it runs your heart and lungs, and it's put into your body by four large cannules, which are huge tubes that, you know, connect the device to your arteries. It was unfortunately put in the wrong way, and it caused a blood clot, and the blood clot caused him to lose his right leg.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

com this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. I love talking about BetterHelp because I know so many high performers that have been on this show over the last decade that swear by therapy, and specifically online therapy to help enhance their life, to help talk through whatever issues they're going through and to ultimately just feel like they're not alone. Here's the thing. May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and it's a reminder that whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Life is a journey. Some days feel good and others feel overwhelming. And whatever's keeping you up at night, sometimes it feels like you have to figure it all out on your own. But the truth is, no one has all of the answers. And this is again why I love better help so much. Long gone are the days of having to drive across town and sit in a dusty waiting room. Now you can do therapy right from the comfort of your own home or office on your own digital device. And what I also love about BetterHelp is that BetterHelp does initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs. And don't just take it from me. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. If that many people can be benefiting from therapy, I'm sure you can be too. If there's one thing I've learned doing this show talking through your your problems. Talking through your issues. Sharing them with someone, especially a licensed therapist, can be an absolute game changer. And this is why BetterHelp has been a partner of ours for so long, because we love the service they provide. So check them out. You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have someone with you in Therapy. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] skinny. That's betterhelp.com skinny.

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[C]

Yes.

[B]

We have a global pandemic that no one has a handbook for. Like, you can't call like your best friend and say, what's your tip on this? There's no manual for this. And then you have your husband in icu and you can barely even go in and see him.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And you have this newborn at home. This is like. It's such unique circumstances. How were you able to even compartmentalize when you were back home?

[C]

It was really a weird. First of all, I think I'm lucky. I have a weird compartmentalized brain. I can do that very easily. Sometimes it scares me how much I can do it. I will just say that when I would leave the hospital, it was the hardest thing in the entire world because I would look at my husband, he was in a coma. And I knew the second I left his side, no one would be there by him. You know what I mean? No one except a nurse come in to check or whatever, but he was laying in a room completely silent. I requested music to be played at 24 7, but, like, he was alone. But I was still breastfeeding at the time, so I was under, you know, those limitations, and I had to get back to my son. And I would literally look at my husband and. And have to, like, just turn around, get in my car and just be like, flip a switch and walk into the house and go, hi, Elvis. How are. And like, completely switch into mom mode and be smiley and happy. And I felt bipolar. I really did. I remember literally driving up Laurel Canyon Boulevard being like, okay, here we go. Flip the switch. Like, bipolarness comes now. Let's go. It was. I don't. I don't. I don't know. I think when you're under that much, like, trauma, you just do things that are superhuman. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

Had you ever experienced any significant trauma before that?

[C]

No.

[A]

No.

[B]

I mean, this is. This is. It's so many different layers. It's not like one thing. There's so much. There's so much going on. At what point did you decide to turn to social media for, like, some kind of outlet?

[C]

That was pretty early on because Nick was in the ICU on a ventilator and in a medically induced coma. And I had a small little Instagram following from my fitness business. And so I felt like. And I was going live every day teaching fitness, like, 20 minute fitness classes for everybody just to, like.

[B]

I remember that. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Well, it was just. It was helping me, too, you know what I mean? Every. So many people were doing that, like, live painting class, like, anything. And so I was going live every day. I wasn't, like, I felt like I was. Wasn't being honest. Like, I was teaching this 20 minute fitness class and my husband was laying in. In an ICU bed. So I finally just decided, like, I think it's important to talk about that. My husband, who had no symptoms, is in the ICU and just tested positive for Covid. And he's 41 and he's a perfectly healthy man. And so everybody just needs to kind of check in and be safe because, like, we were doing everything we were supposed to be doing. Isolating, not going anywhere and this still happened.

[A]

It was weird. It almost sounds like there was like a little bit of like guilt associated with it. Yeah, because doing the class, like doing the classes, like you weren't supposed to be doing that because he was there, but you were doing it also to stay sane in a way.

[C]

Yes. I have a hard time. I'm a very transparent person. I'll tell you anything you want to know. Maybe to a full. You know what I mean, to not the best ability. Like, I just, I'm an open book. And so I did feel like I kind of a. I had a responsibility, but also like I didn't want to be two faced, you know what I mean? Like, if something's going on in my life, I can't also just like, hi, Everybody, let's go. 20 minute fitness class. And then, you know what I mean, this huge thing was happening on the other side. I don't know, I just, I felt like I had a responsibility to say what was going on.

[B]

What shocked you about sharing?

[C]

I think the community. This is where I. Guys, it was like the most beautiful surprise in the entire world. Every single day there would be more people, more people and more people that were supporting me and my husband, his family, my family. It became like what I called an army. And to this day they're still behind me. And I mean, support me, pray for Elvis and I like, it's so beautiful. But they were a lifeline, you know, it's like who wants to be a millionaire? We were stuck in a little cabin by ourselves. Nobody could visit us. I mean, you all remember how you couldn't see anybody. It was like insanely, you know, just you were just alone. And then I had this huge online community that as soon as I would press live, it was like a flood of support. And it wasn't until after Nick passed away and I was doing a therapy session and I was like, I felt really weird about even confessing this, but I was like, you know, there were days that I did not want to go live at 3pm and sing, but I forced myself to because I would feel better after like singing his song and like going live. And I don't know why. And he's like, you don't know why? He was like, it's community, Amanda. He was like, everybody goes through things better in a community instead of alone.

[B]

This is also really weird. But, and I'm sure you already know this, but singing the vibration in your throat is really good for your like chakra.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Sarah Veen came on our podcast and Said humming is one of the most therapeutic things you can do. So you mix that with the community. That must have been really cathartic for you.

[C]

Yes. And there is also another thing where if you are really anxious, if you hum, it's impossible to hum a song and think at the same time of your anxious thought or something like that. So it is like, first of all, music is so healing. I'm such a believer in music and sound and instruments and voice. So, so grateful to that. But then, yes, like having an army from around the world. Like, I would wake up to people, you know, all over the world saying that they're singing with me, praying for me. I mean, helping me with medical advice, you know, telling me to call this doctor, that doctor, this, you know, it was insane. It was so amazing. Forever grateful.

[B]

I think even people who didn't know you personally, like, even, you know, I saw from afar what's going on. You. You want to, like, support you even though you don't know you. Does that make sense? There was something about you that was like, everyone wanted to support you. Tell us about the singing. You mentioned it a little bit, but what actually happened with that? If someone doesn't know?

[C]

Yes. Okay, so this is a good. It was a good story. So we were FaceTiming Nick, my best friend, was over. We were FaceTiming Nick because at that point, they weren't allowing me into the hospital, but they would allow. You know, the nurses were being so sweet. FaceTiming. A lot of people were doing this with their person. I said to nick over the FaceTime, I was like, we gotta play a song. Like, what song would be a good idea to sing? And we picked an Elvis Presley song. And the nurse was like, oh, my gosh, his numbers are getting better. So, like, when you're in the icu, especially if you're in the hospital, too, but the icu, like, it is a numbers game. And you start to learn these numbers, like, they are your best friend's telephone number when you were five years old. You know what I mean? Like, you just know, like, if it's this, it means good. If it's this, it means bad. If it's this, he needs more medicine. If it's that, you know, it's terrible. So she's like, his numbers are getting better. Keep singing. And we are singing at the top of our lungs over this FaceTime. And then I got on Alive and I told this story, and I said, tomorrow, can everybody get on this live at 3pm and all sing this Elvis Presley song? And maybe it'll help Nick from afar. Like, the vibration, the singing, the energy. He's a singer. He loves music. Like, let's just send all that good energy to him. Priscilla Presley DMed me. She was on the live. I mean, I was freaking out. So the next day, I was like, we gotta do this again. And I was like, but Nick is a singer. He loves music. He writes his own music. And he just released this song called Live youe Life. And I was like, instead of singing Elvis Presley's song, let's sing this song that nobody knows. It's my husband's song called Live youe Life. Please Join Me. And they did. And then everyone sang that song for 95 days straight. It was playing on the radio when he died. People were singing it all over the world. Nick's dream was to be a rock star. And, you guys, he died July 5th. A rock star.

[B]

Wow, that's an amazing story.

[A]

So when he dies, what I mean. I mean, imagine there's a million things going through your mind, but where do you immediately go to? You start thinking about your son? Do you start thinking. How do you start to think about moving forward?

[C]

You know, immediately I just felt like I failed. I will say, like, it was such a battle. I felt like Nick and his head doctor and I were in, like, a war together. And when I finally conceded that his body was being completely run on machines and that. But his mother and I looked at each other and we were just like, it's not him anymore. It's a shell of a human being. And I think this is time. It just felt like failure. It was really hard, but. Sorry, I make it emotional. I think back in those days, it's just day by day. I mean, it's still so fresh six years later.

[A]

And you're with his mother, too. I mean, that's even.

[C]

Yeah, his mom was here still. My whole family was here. I remember just, like, taking a lot of walks, sleeping a lot. Thank God for Elvis. You know, you guys, he. He saved me on a daily basis. He still does, but he's. It was. It was so helpful to have, like, somebody I had to take care of because it took. I. I couldn't be selfish. I had to, you know, support him. I had to feed him. I had to, like, put him to bed. I had. You know, I had to do all the things for him.

[A]

Did it also feel like maybe you also had a piece of your husband with him?

[C]

Yes. Not right away, but eventually, yes, 1,000%. And now even, like, he's so Much like Nick. It's so wonderful. And I'm so. I feel all the time so lucky.

[A]

It's terrible.

[B]

What made you decide to write this book about your experience?

[C]

I. I didn't. It was a happenstance. Lisa Sharkey, who is at HarperCollins, reached out to me and she had met me before. It was like, you should write a book. And I was like, what? I didn't even write a diary, you guys. Like, I was not. I'm not a writer. I don't journal. And I said to her, I don't know. And she was like, you should write this down. And she's like, this is a good story. You're gonna want this written down. And I said to her, let me think about it. I said, my sister is a writer. She's an amazing writer, and she has been with me. Maybe we could do it together. And Lisa really championed me and my sister to do it. And I'm very, very, very grateful for her. It was an incredibly hard thing to do, but I'm so grateful I have this now. For Elvis especially, like, there's just things and details in that book that I would never remember today, you know what I mean? But having to do it right away after losing Nick, everything was so fresh that it just, like, flooded out. And it ended up being, honestly, the first thing I did for myself, therapy wise. I didn't even realize I was doing it, you know what I mean? That I was helping myself cope. But it was very, very helpful. And now it's like one of the something I tell any, any widow or widower, anyone I meet, I'm like, just start writing. Like, even if it means nothing, even if you don't even ever want to publish anything, just write, like, write down what's in your head. It helps so much to, like, understand and process the information.

[B]

You know, when you have gone through all of this grief and you write this book about it. And then also I know that you speak about it a lot. How do you kind of zip up? Because I think people obviously want to come and share their story, which can be overwhelming because you're dealing with your own thing.

[C]

Actually, it's the exact opposite. I love talking grief and who would have ever thought? But I love connecting with people on their grief. It is so comforting.

[B]

Have you ever talked to David Kessler?

[C]

Yes, I've met him. I met him at a party and we had a brief little chat. He's amazing. And we need to chat more. He. He and I, yes, very much connected and I. But I'll tell you what, guys. I instantly connect to any kind of widow or widower. Obviously, it's like a pain that you never want to have to know, but once you know it, it's like an instant. It's like, I can't not talk to you. It's like I have to, like, you just understand someone instantly. And I. I really love hearing people's stories. It helps me see so much. I. You know, a lot of people can't talk grief because it brings up a lot of emotions, and it does, but for me, it's just comforting. It's healing. I find it nice to know that somebody understands my pain and that we have a mutual understanding of life and the appreciation of life and death.

[A]

What do you think the biggest thing you've learned from grief is if, like, that you were not aware of prior.

[C]

Yeah. That grief. Two things I think the first thing I probably thought right away is, this is gonna be hard, but I'll be better in a year. And I think grief taught me that I'll never be better. I'm just gonna live with it.

[B]

Maybe you intuitively knew, though, that to get through it, you had to tell

[C]

yourself that maybe, or maybe it's something we're told, right? And you think that you're just believing it because it's what you're told. And I don't even know when you're told that. But I think there's like, a weird timeline that people put on you with grief that, like. Well, it's been a year.

[A]

It's almost like it's framed as, like, it's something you heal from. Like a wound. Like it closes up and goes away, but it doesn't.

[C]

Yeah, that's. I think that's a really good way to put it. And I think I even thought that. So I think that's the first thing that grief taught me, that it's. It's. It's something I live with. And then I think the other thing is how much it changes every single part of you. And it's okay, because it's made me a better person. It's made me love differently and live differently and cherish things differently. But I would have never expected that either. You know, I just. I. It. It changes you big time.

[B]

I think something that's so inspiring about you is you could have just kind of retreated and laid around and, you know, really, you were a victim. Like, you could have really, you know, just stopped everything that you were doing, and you didn't. You really pushed forward. I mean, to me, you seem like you went and you just made this gorgeous career after that. He would probably be so proud of. Was that something that you were sort of thrown into? Is it something that you wanted to do? Did it help you get over the grief?

[C]

Yes, to all of those things. It's funny. I will say there's days where I'm like, gosh, why did I just lay there?

[B]

You could have. You could have.

[C]

I could have. It's so justifiable. And sometimes I even wonder, like, why. Why do you hustle so hard? Like, take a second. It's never been me. If I look back at Amanda at 18 years old or even 16 years old, I'm just. I've never been that person.

[B]

You keep moving.

[C]

It's just. I keep moving, and I think it's a defense mechanism. I think it's a coping mechanism, for sure. I also think that I am just. I've learned to be resilient, and I appreciate and like being resilient. I love being creative. I also love putting pain into purpose. And so I think that that's the other big thing that I've learned is, like, okay, I have this pain. I'm living with it now. I have to make something of it. Like, I have to do something to be better is, I think, my just in who I am.

[B]

It's really very inspiring.

[C]

Thanks.

[B]

When you started doing the talk after.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And putting yourself out there like that, what was that like?

[C]

You know, you guys, I watched a clip on Instagram Today of Savannah Gunthrie coming back on the Today show, and I. I was like, wow. No one understands how hard what that woman just did is, like, the pep talk she probably had to give herself in the mirror before she walked out on national television. I understood it instantly and that I think the talk was a natural progression for me, I really think. And it gave me such a family when I had none. And again, it was still the height of COVID We were kind of all just at our homes, and it gave me such a wonderful, fun place to go to every day. I got to get into a costume. I got to get my hair done, like, my wig, and I got to go to my live Broadway show. It was like I was back on Broadway, and I was talking to five gorgeous women who made me laugh. And we didn't have an audience yet because everything was still, you know, zoomed and all the things, but it gave me a home. However, I was in the height of my grief. I was, like, three months out. I don't know how I did that, to be honest, I really, I don't know that's that compartmentalizing, I guess, in me. But it did save me and it was really hard. I mean, there were days when I was sobbing up until I would walk out on stage, but. Or sobbing. I mean, early, early talk episodes. I cry a lot in almost every episode. It's. I was raw. It was very, very raw.

[B]

Where are you at today? What does your look, your life look like today?

[C]

Okay, so life today is pretty good. I will say. I. It's six years and I've done so much work on myself, you guys, that I finally feel like I have a grip on grief, on what it's taught me, how I know that it will forever keep teaching me things and how I have to keep moving forward. I have to keep healing, and I have to keep striving for that. Very grateful for Elvis and our relationship. We have such a. Such a strong bond. I have a great group of friends and a huge, A huge support system here in Los Angeles, thank God. And a community of people that still support and love us. So it's. It's been a journey, but it's good.

[B]

This episode is brought to you by Zyzol. I am so allergic to cats. The worst. And I use Zyzol Allergy 24 hour. Okay, if you're like me, if I like, even smell a cat, I don't feel good the next day. So it's really important that I always have my Zyzol allergy 24 hour relief in my handbag. It starts working and I can tell you guys this quick, it's like in as little as 45 minutes. Zyzole relieves allergy symptoms including sneezing, runny nose, itchy, watery eyes. I get a lot of watery eyes and an itchy nose and throat for 24 hours. It gives you continuous 24 allergy relief that won't fade. It's also designed to be taken at night, so it's already working at full strength in the morning when pollen levels are the highest. I'm also sensitive to pollen, and Austin is difficult. 24 hour prescription strength relief from outdoor allergies such as pollen, ragweed, grass and trees. And then you also are going to get relief from those indoor allergens such as dust, mold, pet dander. Visit www.zyzol.com for more information. That's X, Y, Z a-l.com for more information. Watch Running Point Season 2 only on Netflix. Running Point. I talked about this last season. I was telling you how Michael and I had a bowl of popcorn. We watched Season one and Season two promises higher stakes as Isla Gordon Kate Hudson is determined to prove her leadership of the Los Angeles Waves. She wants to prove it's permanent rather than a surprise, a temporary fix following last year's team scandal. However, she remains unaware that her brother Cam Justin Theroux is secretly maneuvering behind the scenes to reclaim his former job as head of the sports empire. To survive family power plays and intense board scrutiny, Isla must rip up her old playbook and create a new game plan to stay on top. The roster grows the season with star studded guest appearances from Ray Romano, Max Greenfield, even Octavia Spencer, Nicole Richie, Scott Speedman and Lisa Rinna. They really have all the bases covered. You should also know that the Los Angeles Lakers, Jeannie Buss and Linda Ramis serve as producers. Watch Running Points Season two, now only on Netflix.

[A]

If you're somebody that wants to lock in, get things done, and feel like you're on point, free nicotine is a great place to start. Of course, there's a ton out there about nicotine. You have to be careful. It is an addictive chemical, but if you learn to use it responsibly, it can also be a great tool. Whether you're looking for better cognition, whether you're looking to guard against age related degenerative diseases, and like I said, for me, whether you're looking to lock in and do a podcast or get some heavy work done, free nicotine has been a great tool for me in my arsenal of tools. Like I said, I use it intentionally. I use it when I need to focus, I need to use it when I get stuff done. I don't use it just for recreation. I use it so that I can actually lock in, focus and feel like I'm bringing the most brain power to whatever I'm focused on. What I love about free nicotine is they come in these different dosages so that you can really control the dosage you're getting, whether it's 3mg 6mg 9 12, all the way up to 15. 15 is for the heroes. Like I said, for me, I take a little bit whenever I need to lock in on this podcast if I got some real heavy work done, especially when it comes to finance and I need to focus a little bit more than I normally would. Free nicotine has been great, really. Just for anyone that wants to feel like they're performing at their highest level, they come in all sorts of different flavors, so there's something right for everyone. Mine happens to be the watermelon and mint, but like I said, there's something for everyone. So check them out. If you've been thinking about experimenting with nicotine as a tool. If you've been looking at nicotine as something that could help enhance your life. Free nicotine has all sorts of different strengths and flavors for everyone. Try free nicotine pouches [e-mail] and use code skinny for 25 off for new customers only. That's f r e pouch.com Eden Rock

[B]

St. Bart's Times the Skinny Confidential this collaboration has been years in the making. I have been going to Eden Rock Properties for a very long time and I fell in love with the way that they thought about branding. Every single detail. They don't miss anything. It's such an experience. And when I thought about what brand I wanted to collaborate with, Eden Rock immediately came to mind. So we went down to St. Bart's and we sat with their team and we conceptualized what this collaboration would look like. And so it's here. After a year and a half. It is live the Eden Rock St. Barts Times Skinny Confidential red ice roller. It's in their signature red. It has a gorgeous like, look at this ah silver roller. It's so beautiful. It's very summer. You know, I could see this in an ice bucket while you're on the beach enjoying some or a margarita goes right in the ice. And then we also launched mouth tape. So it's red too. So you're going to get those red lips. Very summer esque. And again it's in the Eden Rock St. Barts branding. And then we launched facial towels. Everything is limited edition. It's very exclusive. Once it's gone, it's gone. And these facial towels are plastic free. They don't have any formaldehyde in them and they're so adorable to throw in your beach bag. I use them to wipe my kids hands. I use them after an oil cleanse. This collection is so major. I'm so excited about it and it's so fun to see the Skinny Confidential come to life in red. You can shop our collaboration at the link in the show notes or on shopify skinny confidential.com and if you're at the Eden Rock Saint Barts property, you can also shop at the Eden Rock Saint Barts boutique and the spa, Eden Rock St. Barts wherever you are.

[A]

Not to get into the specifics of your dating life, but we had a woman. Come on. Who's also a widow.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And she said that she started dating.

[B]

You have to give her credit for who this is, Boz.

[A]

You know, And. And she. She. She was just on. She was saying that there was, like, this weird kind of, like, shame or guilt that was put on her, especially from other.

[B]

On women. Specifically on widows.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And, you know, she's young still. You're young still. And she's like, well, you know, what am I supposed to do? You just sit there and be alone forever. So how do you think about it?

[C]

It is absolutely true. I did get a lot of hate and a lot of shame for when I started dating again. A lot of support, too. But it's there. And, you know, you guys understand this, like, when you're in the public eye and there's like, one out of 100 comments that is negative. Like, we don't get any negative comments.

[A]

Our ratio might be a little different than 1 out of 100, if we're being honest.

[C]

You know what I mean? And I'll tell you what changed it, though. I was so frustrated that I ended up getting on an Instagram live with a fellow widower who I met through the community of being a widow and widower. And I got on Live right away, and I just faced it, and I was like, you want to know what the face of dating again after being a widow or widower looks like? You want to judge us? Let's have a real conversation, and let's talk about this, and let's put it out there so that everyone that's shaming us and sitting on their couch and judging us from moving on or moving forward or loving again or trying again can see how hard and what it actually really looks like. Because it's not putting on your cute little dress and being excited about your date. Oh, yay. It's the exact opposite. You're sobbing to and from the date. You can't decide if you should wear your wedding ring or not. You feel guilty, you feel judged, you feel horrible. I had a panic attack after my first. I couldn't even drive home. My girlfriend had to calm me down in the car and come get me. I couldn't drive home. And yet people are going, oh, are you pregnant again? Are you dating again? I'm like, what? You have no idea how hard this is.

[A]

Where do you think the judgment comes from? Is it, like, their own insecurities? And what's the expectation of you? I mean, because, like, for me, like, I guess, like, I think more logically, it doesn't compute that you would just sit around and Be alone forever. I mean, you have a ton of your life in front of you.

[C]

Well, you know, to each his own. Every. You know, some people can't or don't even want to try again or move forward. Which is. Which is their path and their story. I knew when. I knew when Nick passed away, I would want to try to love again. I knew he would want me to try love again. I would want the same for him. So when I was ready, I didn't feel any of that guilt or shame. But I don't know. People are very judgy, as you know, as you guys know. And I always. I kind of feel like I'm the person. Like, if you don't. If you can't walk in my shoes, then you can't judge what I'm doing. You know what I mean? Like, you want to spend a day in my shoes? Please? Sure. Come. Come over. Put them on. See what it's like.

[A]

No, I mean, like, we joke with each other. If something happened, it's not a. It's not a good joke, but we would say, oh, like, you'd have to be alone. But, like, if you're really. If I'm being honest and you're. And you care about the person, if something happened to me, I wouldn't want Lauren, especially with the kit, to just be alone. Like, I would want. I would personally want her to be able to continue to live a happy, full life. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So to me, it makes a ton of sense. And I imagine your late husband would want you to find happiness again.

[C]

Oh, yeah, for sure. Nick was a lover. I mean, he loved me more than anything in the world. And Elvis. But he would have. I mean, if he could have spoke when he died, he would have totally said, like, amanda, you better. His mother did, which was the sweetest thing in the entire world. His mom, before he died, pulled me aside and was like, you need to find love again. Don't you ever think that we would not want you to be happy and marry somebody again? And I was just like. At the time, I was like, leslie, Donut. She's like, no, you listen to me. And I was like, wow. You know, she was amazing.

[B]

You're also working on this. Looks like a very cool brand called Proper. Tell us about that. This seems really amazing and positive.

[C]

It is. Thank you. You know, I obviously have been in fitness and wellness for so long now. You know, you get to a point where you're influencing a bunch of other products and supplements all the time. And I was. And I'm A single mom, and I'm running around and you're trying to be healthy. And I just wanted to create something that was easy and efficient and good for people, that gave them some hope in their day, that was affordable and made sense. That was made from whole food derived, you know, ingredients that was good for you. And so along came proper. And I started it with five different supplements that you can. It's one scoop in your water or smoothie a day, and it's just. It's for that person that just needs to do one thing to make them feel good about themselves that day, in my opinion. I think we're a little bit oversaturated with what we're being told to do. And, you know, you. You get on any kind of social media platform, and everyone's like, you need this, and you need this, and you need this. And I think we've stopped listening to what we need. You know what I mean? Like, if you really tune in and, like, what does Amanda need? You know what I mean? Oh, I'm not eating great right now because I'm traveling a lot. I need daily greens. You know what I mean? You might not need daily greens. Maybe you're eating great right now. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Well, I'd probably use a cup of

[C]

greens, but you know what I mean? It's like instead of listening to what our body needs and really being in tune with what I need in that day, we're just being told, you need greens. Maybe you do.

[A]

It's a hard thing to, you know, some of the, you know, the ratio of one out of a hundred critics of this show will say, like, there's so much. Because imagine, like, you have talked to a lot of different people and experts, and they're coming on and they say, you need this supplement or that, or I'm looking at fiber, I'm looking at protein. And they ask how we decipher. And I think, one, you have the conversation. There's a lot of different perspectives, but then really, it's like listening to yourself and figuring out what works for you. What I always try to tell people is, like, if you listen to all a thousand of these episodes, which would be crazy, by the way.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, you should not be doing every single thing that every single person recommends. You gotta step back and see what. What works for me. Like, what makes me feel good, what do I need?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

I. Like, there's a lot of people that come on, and it sounds great, but I'm like, I can't. Like, I can Only do so much.

[C]

Yes. I created this, you guys. I'm gonna use my sister as an example. My sister lives in Houston and she has three kids. She is an Uber driver to all of their activities and sports and everything. She lives out of her car. She's barely at home. They eat a lot of fast food because she has kids, and she's constantly driving from here to there and everywhere. She doesn't take care of herself. She doesn't eat properly. She doesn't have the time. And I created these supplements for that woman, that woman that just needs to go, I'm gonna be in my car all day. I'm gonna get a scoop of greens, I'm gonna put it in my water bottle. And at least I did that. Or I need extra energy today, and I don't wanna drink another cup of coffee. I'm gonna grab my energy boost, put it in my water, and it's gonna make me feel better. And I'm making a better choice than what I could possibly do for myself that day. And. And it's not $150, it's 28. It's less than a dollar a scoop.

[B]

I think that's so nice, not to be overwhelmed.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

There's so many people. You're right. You go on Instagram and all those girls shaking on their vibrating plate, wearing the mask.

[A]

You're one of those girls.

[B]

No, no, no. I have something to say. I have something to say about that. Everyone's shaking on the vibrating plate. But then I talked to my girl who does my lymphatic drainage.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And shout out to Irina in Austin, and she said, she goes, you have to open your lymphatic system before you shake on the plate because or else you're just shaking fluid around your body.

[C]

Oh, interesting.

[B]

So you. You go on. My point is, you go on. You see everyone doing something. You think you have to do it,

[C]

but you find a plate.

[B]

No one's even telling you that. It's not even doing anything if you don't open your lymphatic system.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

So it is important, I think, to really dive into what you're doing and make sure you take a look at it before just doing it.

[A]

But here's the thing. We all know what to do. I look at all of these things as things to further enhance the things. You should be like, you're probably getting proper sleep. You should be doing something for your mind. You should be moving your body.

[C]

Moving your body.

[A]

You should be having good water.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, we know. But the Other stuff is like in addition to. But if you're not doing some of those things or all of those things, like, you know, shaking on a plate's not going to save you.

[C]

You know what though, I will say is that we are lucky to live in these big cities, right. Austin, Louisiana, New York City, we have a little bit more availability, obviously and a little bit more awareness. Right? You guys, my. So I'm from Ohio and the, the man that helped me create proper Ben Bennett, he's also from Ohio and raised by a single mom. And we bonded over this fact that like my mom, God love her, I love you mom so much. But she wakes up, the first thing that she does is drink coffee, doesn't drink an ounce of water, doesn't eat breakfast.

[B]

What's with that generation doing that?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

They love to just put the coffee down the throat. Could we have an electrolyte first? Yeah.

[C]

By 3pm she has a headache, she's tired, her bones hurt. She doesn't know. She doesn't know. And I go, mom, have you drank water today? Amanda? I had coffee. That's not water, mom.

[A]

There's water in the coffee.

[C]

From her perspective, I'm saying this because you said we know what to do. My mom, whose daughter is in fitness and wellness, still doesn't listen to me. She doesn't do what she's supposed to do. It's like, why I created this because it's like, just do that then just put the scoop in your water if that's the best thing you can do for yourself.

[B]

Is she doing it now?

[C]

She does when I'm home.

[A]

Our parents generation where I'm empathetic because my parents same way. But I just got my, I think my dad's, he's Turning, you know, 82 and he finally started drinking a glass of water like finally after all this time. But like they were the most commercialized mass marketed generation in the history of time, right? Like they, they got very few channels. Right. There was a few channels on television that pushed all the same. It's why when you go and look at the 90s and 80s and say it's so nostalgic, everybody had the same thing and ate the same food because you went to the same stores. Now we have so much information and so much abundance of choice. But that generation was taught this is how you practice medicine. These are the cleaning products you use, this is the food you eat. And that was just like pushed down their throats from basically the late 60s to the early 2000s and so, you know, a lot of them were sold. Like, for the longest time, I had to argue with my dad. He was like, diet Coke is good for, you know, he would literally tell me, it's better for you. And I look back at it now and like, that's insane. But if you look at the information they were being fed, also the medicine they were prescribed, the practices, like, all of it. And so I'm empathetic to them now because they, that's just what they had.

[C]

Same. I agree with you. I, I, My dad eats Oreos for breakfast. And you know, we do, we do our best. I try to help, but like, I, I, I understand. My Grandpa lived till 97 years old and he ate a bowl of ice cream every single night. And no one was going to tell him not to.

[A]

I heard that's actually good for you.

[C]

I did too recently, and I'm very happy about that.

[A]

You know, like, we recently had RFK Jr on the show that was received with all sorts of different feedback.

[C]

Right. As you can imagine. I can imagine.

[A]

But what he was. One of the things that I think is very interesting is that the tobacco companies took over big food in the 60s. Like when basically when we started pushing cigarettes out, those companies said, what are we going to do to keep people. And they bought into that process. So it was processed food, addictive food and all that. And that's like, what our parents had to come up with. And so there was a lot of forces, I think, working against them to provide unhealthy habits that I think now this generation is starting to recognize and hopefully turn around. But, you know, they were at the mercy of a lot of that.

[C]

Agreed. And I think that that is a really good point. And I always tell people, like, if they say, like, what can I do? Like, you know, what's an easy thing I can do? I'm always like, hydrate, drink more water, move your body, sleep, and stay away from processed foods.

[B]

I'm drinking Proper's Watermelon Berry, and it's delicious. It's daily electrolytes and trace minerals. Definitely try that one. Congratulations on everything you have going on. You also have a children's book that I'm so excited to read.

[A]

Tell me your dreams.

[B]

Tell me your dreams. My kids, you brought me that.

[A]

And we'll read it tonight to them.

[B]

If you have not read Amanda's book, Live youe Life, it's a really good book. And where can we find you? Where can we say hi?

[C]

Only on Instagram, pretty much. Guys, I'm technically challenged. And that's where I put everything at.

[B]

Amanda Kloots, thank you so much for

[C]

coming on the show.