Summary3 min read

The Slowdown: Poetry & Reflection Daily

Episode 1350: "Real Estate" by Richard Siken
Host: Maggie Smith
Date: September 11, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, host Maggie Smith explores the intricacies of family relationships, especially in the face of change due to divorce, death, or other upheavals. Using Richard Siken’s poem "Real Estate" as a reflective lens, Smith discusses how families are both constructed and deconstructed, emphasizing the complicated nature of connections that extend far beyond blood relations. The episode invites listeners to consider the variables and the constants in familial bonds, and how poetry helps us hold space for such complexities.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Complexity of Family Ties

[01:06–02:46]

Maggie Smith opens with an honest reflection on the multifaceted definitions of family, including “cousins,” “aunts,” and “uncles” who aren't technically related, but have been woven into the family fabric through shared experiences and emotional closeness.
She notes, “My blood family is large, but my extended family of unofficial cousins, aunts and uncles is even larger. As I said, it's complicated.” (Maggie Smith, 01:35)
Divorce adds another layer of complexity, bringing in ex-in-laws and shifting boundaries around what family means.

2. Navigating Post-Divorce Relationships

[02:47–03:30]

Smith describes differing ways people remain connected (or not) to former family members after divorce—some stay in touch, share holidays, or even blend new partners and extended families, while others make a complete break.
She emphasizes that “there is no right way. There are many different ways to be a family, and there are many different ways to take care of yourself and your own well-being inside of a family that can be complicated, too.” (Maggie Smith, 03:15)

3. Introduction to the Poem

[03:30–03:50]

The host introduces Richard Siken’s "Real Estate" as a poem that “unpacks some of what happens when families change because of death or divorce or other upheavals.”
Smith expresses admiration for the poem’s balancing act—tracking what must change and what remains constant.

Featured Poem: “Real Estate” by Richard Siken

[03:50–05:45]

Siken’s poem is read in its entirety by Smith, exploring themes of belonging, loss, and the ambiguous status of familial connections after divorce and death.
The poem’s language is unsparing and honest:
- “My mother married a man who divorced her for money. Phyllis, he would say, ‘If you don't stop buying jewelry, I will have to divorce you to keep us out of the poorhouse.’”
- “When he died, I couldn't prove it. I couldn't get a death certificate. These things are complicated, says the health department. Their names remain on the deed to the house. It isn't haunted. It's owned by ghosts.”
The ending is particularly striking, offering a resolution that nonetheless preserves the poem’s uncertainty: “When I die, I will come in fast and low. I will stick the landing. There will be no confusion. The dead will make room for me.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Family’s Fluid Definitions:
- “There are many different ways to be a family, and there are many different ways to take care of yourself and your own well-being inside of a family that can be complicated, too.”
  —Maggie Smith (03:15)
On Complexity and Uncertainty:
- “These things are complicated, says the Talmud. When he died, I couldn't prove it. I couldn't get a death certificate. These things are complicated, says the health department.”
  —Richard Siken, read by Maggie Smith (05:10)
On Being Owned by Memory:
- “It isn't haunted. It's owned by ghosts.”
  —Richard Siken, read by Maggie Smith (05:20)
On Clarity in Death:
- “When I die, I will come in fast and low. I will stick the landing. There will be no confusion. The dead will make room for me.”
  —Richard Siken, read by Maggie Smith (05:35)

Timestamps for Important Segments

01:06 — Maggie Smith discusses complicated family relationships.
03:15 — Reflection on the many ways to define and manage family.
03:30 — Introduction to the featured poem and its relevance.
03:50–05:45 — Full reading of “Real Estate” by Richard Siken.
05:45 — Episode closes, inviting listeners to ongoing reflection.

Tone & Final Thoughts

Maggie Smith delivers the episode in her trademark gentle, contemplative style, encouraging listeners to accept the messiness of human relationships while finding solace and wisdom in poetry. The episode is a quiet meditation on how we carry, and are carried by, the shifting lines of family—by both their presence and their absence.

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Transcript10 lines

[00:00]
A
Peacemaker is back on Peacemaker the Official Podcast with James Gunn. Hear exclusive season two insights and break down every new episode after it airs on HBO Max. James Gunn and co hosts Jennifer Holland and Steve Agee share outrageous behind the scenes stories, answer fan questions and more. You'll also hear from special guests like Peacemaker himself on his favorite moments throughout the season. Listen or watch Peacemaker the Official Podcast with James Gunn on HBO Max, the HBO Max and DC YouTube channels, or wherever you get your podcasts. Stream Peacemaker on HBO Max.
[00:30]
B
This is the story As a maintenance supervisor at a manufacturing facility, he knows keeping the line up and running is a top priority. That's why he chooses Grainger, because when a drive belt gets damaged, Grainger makes it easy to find the exact specs for the replacement product he needs and next day delivery helps ensure he'll have everything in place and running like clockwork. Call 1-800-granger. Click granger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.
[01:06]
C
I'm Maggie Smith and this is the Slowdown Family relationships and connections are complicated There are people in my life that I call cousin who aren't related to me at all. They're the children of my mother's oldest friends. We grew up together sharing holidays, birthdays and other significant events so they feel like cousins to me. I also have aunts and uncles who are actually distant cousins of my parents or in some cases old family friends. No blood relation at all. My blood family is large, but my extended family of unofficial cousins, aunts and uncles is even larger. As I said, it's complicated. Add divorce into the mix and complicated feels like such an understatement, it borders on euphemism. Not only do I have an ex husband, I have ex in laws. When you marry into a family, you are sort of adopted into that family. When you leave that family, you have to navigate how to continue or end those other relationships. I know people who are divorced but who are still in touch with their former mothers and fathers in law or their former brothers or sisters in law. I know divorced couples who still spend holidays together, even with new partners, spouses, children, everyone passing the potatoes and casseroles around one big table. I also know divorced people who are very happy to have made a clean break to have no contact with anyone in their ex's inner circle. As with most parts of life, there is no right way. There are many different ways to be a family, and there are many different ways to take care of yourself and your own well being inside of a family that can be complicated, too. Today's poem unpacks some of what happens when families change because of death or divorce or other upheavals. I admire the way it looks not only at the variables, what must necessarily change, but also at the constants. Real Estate by Richard Siken My mother married a man who divorced her for money. Phyllis, he would say, if you don't stop buying jewelry, I will have to divorce you to keep us out of the poorhouse. When he said this, she would stub out a cigarette, mutter motherfucker under her breath. Eventually he was forced to divorce her. Then he died. Then she did. That man was not my father. My father was buried down the road in a box. His other son selected the ashes of his third wife in a brass urn that he will hold in the crook of his arm forever. At the reception after the funeral, I got mean on 4 cups of lime sherbet punch. When the man who was not my father divorced my mother, I stopped being related to him. These things are complicated, says the Talmud. When he died, I couldn't prove it. I couldn't get a death certificate. These things are complicated, says the health department. Their names remain on the deed to the house. It isn't haunted. It's owned by ghosts. When I die, I will come in fast and low. I will stick the landing. There will be no confusion. The dead will make room for me. The Slowdown is a production of American Public Media in partnership with the Poetry Foundation. To get a poem delivered to you daily, go to slowdownshow.org and sign up for our newsletter and find us on Instagram at slowdownshow and blueskylowdownshow.org.
[07:01]
D
The Trump administration is making deep cuts to education research.
[07:05]
C
The cancellation notices started coming when the contract is cut.
[07:08]
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The study just dies.
[07:09]
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It's all happening. Just as schools are trying to make use of research to improve reading instruction.
[07:14]
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There would not have been a science of reading without the federal funding.
[07:19]
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It wouldn't have happened.
[07:21]
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I'm Emily Hanford. On our new episode of Soul to what the Trump Cuts Mean for the Science of Reading. Go to your podcast app and follow Soul to Story.