The Slowdown: Poetry & Reflection Daily

Episode 1350: "Real Estate" by Richard Siken
Host: Maggie Smith
Date: September 11, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, host Maggie Smith explores the intricacies of family relationships, especially in the face of change due to divorce, death, or other upheavals. Using Richard Siken’s poem "Real Estate" as a reflective lens, Smith discusses how families are both constructed and deconstructed, emphasizing the complicated nature of connections that extend far beyond blood relations. The episode invites listeners to consider the variables and the constants in familial bonds, and how poetry helps us hold space for such complexities.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Complexity of Family Ties

[01:06–02:46]

• Maggie Smith opens with an honest reflection on the multifaceted definitions of family, including “cousins,” “aunts,” and “uncles” who aren't technically related, but have been woven into the family fabric through shared experiences and emotional closeness.
• She notes, “My blood family is large, but my extended family of unofficial cousins, aunts and uncles is even larger. As I said, it's complicated.” (Maggie Smith, 01:35)
• Divorce adds another layer of complexity, bringing in ex-in-laws and shifting boundaries around what family means.

2. Navigating Post-Divorce Relationships

[02:47–03:30]

• Smith describes differing ways people remain connected (or not) to former family members after divorce—some stay in touch, share holidays, or even blend new partners and extended families, while others make a complete break.

• She emphasizes that “there is no right way. There are many different ways to be a family, and there are many different ways to take care of yourself and your own well-being inside of a family that can be complicated, too.” (Maggie Smith, 03:15)

3. Introduction to the Poem

[03:30–03:50]

• The host introduces Richard Siken’s "Real Estate" as a poem that “unpacks some of what happens when families change because of death or divorce or other upheavals.”
• Smith expresses admiration for the poem’s balancing act—tracking what must change and what remains constant.

Featured Poem: “Real Estate” by Richard Siken

[03:50–05:45]

• Siken’s poem is read in its entirety by Smith, exploring themes of belonging, loss, and the ambiguous status of familial connections after divorce and death.
• The poem’s language is unsparing and honest:
  • “My mother married a man who divorced her for money. Phyllis, he would say, ‘If you don't stop buying jewelry, I will have to divorce you to keep us out of the poorhouse.’”
  • “When he died, I couldn't prove it. I couldn't get a death certificate. These things are complicated, says the health department. Their names remain on the deed to the house. It isn't haunted. It's owned by ghosts.”
• The ending is particularly striking, offering a resolution that nonetheless preserves the poem’s uncertainty: “When I die, I will come in fast and low. I will stick the landing. There will be no confusion. The dead will make room for me.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Family’s Fluid Definitions:
  • “There are many different ways to be a family, and there are many different ways to take care of yourself and your own well-being inside of a family that can be complicated, too.”
    —Maggie Smith (03:15)
• On Complexity and Uncertainty:
  • “These things are complicated, says the Talmud. When he died, I couldn't prove it. I couldn't get a death certificate. These things are complicated, says the health department.”
    —Richard Siken, read by Maggie Smith (05:10)
• On Being Owned by Memory:
  • “It isn't haunted. It's owned by ghosts.”
    —Richard Siken, read by Maggie Smith (05:20)
• On Clarity in Death:
  • “When I die, I will come in fast and low. I will stick the landing. There will be no confusion. The dead will make room for me.”
    —Richard Siken, read by Maggie Smith (05:35)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:06 — Maggie Smith discusses complicated family relationships.
• 03:15 — Reflection on the many ways to define and manage family.
• 03:30 — Introduction to the featured poem and its relevance.
• 03:50–05:45 — Full reading of “Real Estate” by Richard Siken.
• 05:45 — Episode closes, inviting listeners to ongoing reflection.

Tone & Final Thoughts

Maggie Smith delivers the episode in her trademark gentle, contemplative style, encouraging listeners to accept the messiness of human relationships while finding solace and wisdom in poetry. The episode is a quiet meditation on how we carry, and are carried by, the shifting lines of family—by both their presence and their absence.