1354: Checkout by Caroline Bird

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: The Slowdown: Poetry & Reflection Daily
Host: Maggie Smith
Episode Title: 1354: Checkout by Caroline Bird
Date: September 17, 2025

In this episode, host Maggie Smith reflects on the brevity and beauty of life through the lens of poetry, particularly focusing on end-of-life reflection and the importance of cherishing connection and love. Smith introduces and reads Caroline Bird’s poem “Checkout,” contemplating themes of mortality, emotional investment, and the return on love in our lives.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. On the Meaning of Life at the End ([00:51])

• Maggie Smith opens the episode by pondering what truly matters as life draws to a close. She challenges the common narrative around work and productivity:
  • “No one on their deathbed says ‘I wish I’d spent more time at the office.’” (Maggie Smith, 00:51)
  • Smith emphasizes that, in our final moments, we reflect not on material or professional achievements, but on love, memories, and the beauty of the world around us.

2. Personal Anecdote: Visiting Her Grandmother ([01:20])

• Smith shares a poignant memory from her time as an MFA student, visiting her grandmother in a nursing home’s memory care wing:
  • Despite her grandmother’s memory loss, Smith cherishes moments spent together, sitting outside bundled in a blanket.
  • The detail of her grandmother's delight in ice cream bars provided by nurses adds a bittersweet note, highlighting how small joys can hold profound meaning.

3. Hopes for Her Own Passing ([02:00])

• Smith articulates her wishes for her own end-of-life experience, hoping for togetherness, nature, music, and gratitude:
  • “I hope when it's my time that I'm holding the hand of someone I love...outside breathing fresh air, maybe looking at clouds or trees or water...I hope I can feel gratitude for my time on this planet, even though I must go.” (Maggie Smith, 02:00–02:30)
• She acknowledges the emotional difficulty in confronting mortality, sharing vulnerability with listeners:
  • “I have to admit that writing that last paragraph made me cry…it’s enough to make my eyes fill with tears just thinking about having a finite number of days.” (Maggie Smith, 02:40)

4. The Value of Love: “Emotional ROI” ([03:00])

• Smith introduces the concept of “emotional return on investment,” reflecting how love yields enormous meaning in our finite lives:
  • “Today's poem grabbed me...it made me an instant fan of the English poet Caroline Bird...this poem’s speaker has a refreshing take on what I might call emotional ROI, the enormous return on investment when it comes to love.” (Maggie Smith, 03:10)

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Featured Poem: “Checkout” by Caroline Bird ([03:30])

Smith reads Bird’s poem in its entirety, which imagines a playful, surreal end-of-life experience:

Poem Highlights

• A posthumous “feedback form” asks the speaker to rate their life (Very good, Good, Average, Bad, Very bad).
• The speaker initially intends to choose “average” but, reminded of a loved one’s face, changes the response to “very good.”
• The poem closes with the speaker telling the angel they’d “definitely come again”—a request met with gentle refusal.

Notable Lines

• “I intend to tick average followed by a rant. Then I recall your face like a cartoon treasure chest glowing with gold light. Tick very good.” (Caroline Bird, as read by Maggie Smith, 03:55)
• “He gives me a soft look, meaning that won’t be possible, but thanks all the same, clicks his pen and vanishes.” (Caroline Bird, as read by Maggie Smith, 04:30)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the essence of end-of-life reflection:
  “We only get to be with one another for a limited time. Life is short.”
  — Maggie Smith (02:50)

• On memories and gratitude:
  “I hope I can feel gratitude for my time on this planet, even though I must go.”
  — Maggie Smith (02:20)

• On the power of love to transform perspective:
  “Then I recall your face like a cartoon treasure chest glowing with gold light. Tick very good.”
  — Caroline Bird, read by Maggie Smith (03:55)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:51] – Maggie Smith’s introduction: reflecting on what matters at the end of life
• [01:20] – Personal story about her grandmother in memory care
• [02:00] – Expression of personal hopes for her own end-of-life
• [03:00] – Introduction to “emotional ROI” and the day’s poem
• [03:30 – 04:40] – Reading of “Checkout” by Caroline Bird

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Closing Thoughts

Rooted in vulnerability and poetic reflection, this episode gently steers listeners toward considering what matters most in life—connections, gratitude, and the quiet, beautiful moments that outshine any accumulation of professional accolades. Maggie Smith’s reading of Caroline Bird’s “Checkout” offers a disarmingly simple yet profound approach to the wishful thinking at life’s end: to have loved deeply, to remember a face that makes everything worthwhile, and, if it were possible, to come back and do it all again.

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Transcript

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I'm Maggie Smith and this is the slowdown. I'm willing to bet that no one on their deathbed says I wish I'd spent more time at the office. No one taking stock of their life in those final days and moments is thinking about spreadsheets or profits or ROI return on investment. I can imagine what I'll be thinking about at the end of my life. My beloved's and the beauty of this place I've called home and the memories I treasure most. When my maternal grandmother was dying, I was a first year MFA student, I would visit her in the memory care wing of the nursing home where she lived. Even though she didn't know who I was, we would sit together and talk. She wanted to be outside as much as possible. She was rarely hungry, but loved the ice cream bars that one of her nurses would bring her. It was fall brisk outside and I remember her sitting in a chair on her patio bundled in an electric blanket. I took a Polaroid of her in that chair with various members of our family gathered around her. I hope when it's my time that I'm holding the hand of someone I love. I hope I'm not in a hospital room or a nursing home, but outside breathing fresh air, maybe looking at clouds or trees or water. I hope there is music or singing or the sound of birds or waves or all of the above. I hope I can feel gratitude for my time on this planet, even though I must go. I have to admit that writing that last paragraph made me cry. It's enough to make my eyes fill with tears just thinking about having a finite number of days and not being able to stay when staying with the people I love is what I want more than anything. We only get to be with one another for a limited time. Life is short. My poem Good Bones begins, Some days I feel that heart wrenching brevity so acutely. Today's poem grabbed me the first time I read it a few years ago, and it made me an instant fan of the English poet Caroline Bird, imagining the end of her life. This poem speaker has a refreshing take on on what I might call emotional roi, the enormous return on investment when it comes to love. Check out by Caroline Bird I think so this is death and wonder why I can still see through my eyes. An angel approaches with a feedback form asking how I'd rate my life. Very good, good, average, bad, very bad. And I intend to tick average followed by a rant. Then I recall your face like a cartoon treasure chest glowing with gold light. Tick very good. And in the comment box below I write nice job. The angel asks if I enjoyed my stay and I say, oh yes, I'd definitely come again, and he gives me a soft look, meaning that won't be possible, but thanks all the same, clicks his pen and vanishes. The Slowdown is a production of American Public Media in partnership with the Poetry Foundation. To get a poem delivered to you daily, go to slowdownshow.org and sign up for our newsletter. And find us on Instagram at slowdownshow and blueskylowdownshow.org.

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I'm Emily Hanford. On our new episode of what the Trump Cuts Mean for the Science of Reading. Go to your podcast app and follow Sold a story.