[encore] 1376: Laura, I Want You Pulling Your Hair Back by Natalie Dunn - The Slowdown: Poetry & Reflection Daily

Summary4 min read

Episode Overview

Podcast: The Slowdown: Poetry & Reflection Daily
Host: Maggie Smith
Episode: [encore] 1376: “Laura, I Want You Pulling Your Hair Back” by Natalie Dunn
Date: December 12, 2025

This encore episode of The Slowdown centers around the deep and transformative act of loving others—for their quirks, idiosyncrasies, and vulnerabilities, not in spite of them but because of them. Host Maggie Smith reflects on delighting in the unique, unpolished details that make us who we are and introduces Natalie Dunn’s poem, which illuminates the beauty of authentic relationships and the quiet, ordinary moments that express care and hope.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Embracing Loved Ones’ Idiosyncrasies

Delighting vs. Tolerating: Maggie discusses the importance of truly enjoying the unique qualities of those we love, rather than simply putting up with them.
- “A big part of loving someone is loving their idiosyncrasies. I don’t mean tolerating them… I mean delighting in them.” [01:15]
Personal Anecdotes: Maggie shares her own quirks—her “loud, cackling laugh,” “childlike excitement about the natural world,” and “propensity to curse like a sailor”—and how her children lovingly tease her for them.
- “They tease me and I let them because I know they do it out of love. I’ve never gotten the sense that they wished I were different.” [02:12]

2. The Value of Authenticity in Relationships

Being Loved As You Are: The episode emphasizes loving people as they are, without hoping or waiting for them to change.
- “We need the people in our lives to love us, quirks and all.” [03:05]
Hope to Extend Grace: Maggie expresses her hope to embody this acceptance as a mother, friend, and partner.
- “I hope I’m that kind of mother to them, and that kind of friend and partner and sister and daughter throughout my life.” [03:16]

3. Poetic Reflection: Natalie Dunn’s “Laura, I Want You Pulling Your Hair Back”

Maggie introduces the featured poem, describing it as a tribute to seeing and loving someone for both their strengths and their struggles.
- “Today’s poem sees someone as beloved, not in spite of her idiosyncrasies and her struggles, but because of them.” [03:24]
The poem unfolds in a series of vivid, intimate vignettes:
- Sensory moments (pulling hair back, boiling pasta)
- Shared history with idiosyncratic events (“the night I looked at you terrified. This was back when we belonged to no one.”)
- Gentle acts of hope and companionship (“I remember the first time I convinced you to keep living. It didn’t take much. I tricked you into walking to the place on the corner with cheese danishes glazed thick with sugar. We never got them.”)
The poem ends with a memory of accepting the world’s simple, make-believe gifts (“You took the mud almost to your mouth”)—a metaphor for presence and shared humanity.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

On Loving Quirks:
- “That’s true of all of us. And we need the people in our lives to love us, quirks and all.” — Maggie Smith [03:05]
On Not Demanding Change:
- “Embracing them exactly as they are—not hoping they'll change, or waiting for them to change, or worst of all, trying to change them yourself.” — Maggie Smith [01:54]
On Hope and Small Gestures:
- “I remember the first time I convinced you to keep living. It didn’t take much.” — Natalie Dunn, as read by Maggie Smith [Poem begins 03:30]
Childhood Wonder:
- “On the sidewalk a child was playing in her plastic kitchen. She poured us imaginary water, offered us mud soup. We put out our hands. You took the mud almost to your mouth.” — Natalie Dunn [04:29]

Important Timestamps

01:00 — Maggie Smith’s reflection on quirks and idiosyncrasies
03:05 — On needing love “quirks and all”
03:24 — Introduction to Natalie Dunn’s poem
03:30 — Poem reading begins (“Laura, I want you pulling your hair back…”)
04:29 — Closing images from the poem (child’s mud soup, gesture of acceptance)

Tone & Atmosphere

Maggie Smith’s tone is warm, contemplative, and gently humorous. Her reflections and the poem both carry a profound empathy, delighting in imperfections and the small, sustaining moments that connect us.

Summary

This episode beautifully magnifies how love manifests in the appreciation of another’s everyday peculiarities and histories. Through Maggie Smith’s candid, affectionate reflection and the tender imagery of Natalie Dunn’s poem, listeners are reminded that deep connection can be found in both the extraordinary and the ordinary moments—and that loving fully means loving every quirk and struggle along the way.

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Transcript2 lines

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[01:00]
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Hey, it's Maggie. This week we are revisiting some of our favorite poems and reflections from the season so far. We'll be back on Monday, December 15th with new episodes. I'm maggie smith, and this is the slow down. A big part of loving someone is loving their idiosyncrasies. I don't mean tolerating them or putting up with them or trying to overlook them. I mean delighting in them. I mean taking real pleasure in the way someone laughs or speaks or the way they tell a story, or the way they cook or eat. These are the little things you'll miss about them when they're away or after they're gone. A big part of loving someone, whether they're a friend or a family member or someone you're romantically involved with, is embracing them exactly as they are, not hoping they'll change or waiting for them to change, or worst of all, trying to change them yourself. My children tease me all the time about my quirks. My loud, cackling laugh, my childlike and very uncool excitement about the natural world, the way I pronounce certain words. Is it basil? Or basil? And my propensity to curse like a sailor, but then say language when they do the same, they tease me and I let them because I know they do it out of love. I've never gotten the sense that they wished I were different. So what if I misplace my car keys and phone several times a day? So what if I make every meal a little spicier than it needs to be? So what if I quote Ferris Bueller's Day off and the Big Lebowski more than anyone should? My quirks are part of what make me me. That's true of all of us. And we need the people in our lives to love us, quirks and all. I hope I'm that kind of mother to them, and that kind of friend and partner and sister and daughter throughout my life. Today's poem sees someone as beloved, not in spite of her idiosyncrasies and her struggles, but because of them. This is a poem by Natalie Dunn. Laura, I want you pulling your hair back behind your ears, boiling pasta and forgetting about silver six minutes, letting it turn to glue. I remember once you said this tree is torn to shreds and we stood and stripped it further. The night I looked at you terrified. This was back when we belonged to no one. When your hand found my rib in the dark I played dumb so as not to lose you. I watched you choose lovers, watched as you changed on a whim when a man entered the room. Laura, I want you embarrassed by long dresses, by the fun of the carnival. I remember the first time I convinced you to keep living. It didn't take much. I tricked you into walking to the place on the corner with cheese danishes glazed thick with sugar. We never got them. On the sidewalk a child was playing in her plastic kitchen. She poured us imaginary water, offered us mud soup. We put out our hands. You took the mud almost to your mouth. The Slowdown is a production of American Public Media in partnership with the Poetry Foundation. To get a poem delivered to you daily, go to slowdownshow.org and sign up for our newsletter and find us on Instagram, SlowdownShow and Blueskylowdownshow.org the Slowdown is written by me, Maggie Smith. Our lead producer is Micah Kielbon, and our associate producer is Maria Wurtel. Our music is composed by Kyle Andrews, engineering by Derek Ramirez. Our editor is Joanne Griffith. Additional production help by Susanna Sharpless, Cece Lucas, Marcel Malakibu, and Lauren Humpert. Our executives in charge are Chandra Cavati and Mark Crowley. Each day on the Slowdown we take a breath together and look closely at this world, its beauty, its aches, its small shining moments. If this daily pause has meant something to you, I hope you'll consider supporting it. Please make a donation before the year ends and help keep this space for reflection alive. Donate now@slowdownshow.org or click the link in the show notes and thank you.