[encore] 784: Sex Without Love by Sharon Olds

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Slowdown: Poetry & Reflection Daily Episode: [Encore] 784: Sex Without Love by Sharon Olds
Release Date: August 15, 2025
Host: Maggie Smith
Featured Poet: Ada Limone
Poem Discussed: Sex Without Love by Sharon Olds

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Introduction by Maggie Smith (Timestamp: 00:43)

Maggie Smith, the new host of The Slowdown, warmly welcomes listeners to an encore episode, highlighting her enthusiasm for sharing beloved poems from the archive. She introduces today’s featured poem, Sex Without Love by Sharon Olds, expressing gratitude for Ada Limone’s contribution.

Notable Quote:

“I'm so looking forward to sharing new episodes with you starting August 18th.”
— Maggie Smith [00:43]

Ada Limone’s Reflection on Romanticism and Physical Desire (Timestamp: 01:13)

Ada Limone delves into her personal connection with romance, recounting childhood memories and her enduring love for the concept of love itself. She candidly shares experiences where her romantic ideals clashed with reality, illustrating her deep-seated yearning for genuine emotional connections over mere physical interactions.

Key Points:

• Childhood Romanticism:
  Ada recalls a fifth-grade sleepover where her eagerness to witness love blossoming in a movie led her friends to label her as a "romantic." This early experience cemented her lifelong affinity for love.

  “I love love.” — Ada Limone [01:13]

• Personal Anecdotes:
  She shares a poignant moment before marriage, toasting to her future with a heartfelt, albeit somber, expression of gratitude, only to receive a teasing response from her fiancé. This incident underscores her propensity to romanticize significant life moments.

• Struggle with Physical Desire:
  Ada reflects on her attempts to navigate relationships driven purely by physical desire, contrasting her romantic inclinations with others who prioritize bodily desires over emotional bonds. She admires their ability to engage physically without emotional entanglement, a balance she finds challenging to achieve.

Notable Quote:

“It was impressive, those friends, those crushes, who could bow down to the body and even offer it freely without having to offer their whole heart.”
— Ada Limone [05:45]

Reading and Analysis of Sex Without Love by Sharon Olds (Timestamp: 04:30)

Ada Limone introduces and reads Sharon Olds’ poem Sex Without Love, a profound exploration of physical intimacy devoid of emotional connection. The poem serves as a focal point for Ada’s reflections on the dichotomy between love-driven and body-driven relationships.

Poem Excerpts:

“Beautiful as dancers,
gliding over each other like ice skaters over the ice,
fingers hooked inside each other's bodies...”
— Sex Without Love by Sharon Olds [04:45]

Ada interprets the poem as an examination of how some individuals engage in intimate acts purely for physical satisfaction without the entanglements of emotional bonds. She appreciates the poem’s depiction of such relationships as both graceful and detached, likening the participants to skilled dancers who navigate their physical interactions with precision and purpose.

Key Insights:

• Grace and Detachment:
  The poem portrays sex without love as an art form, emphasizing the beauty and fluidity of such interactions while highlighting their emotional absence.

• Religious Overtones:
  Ada notes the spiritual undertones in Olds’ work, where physical intimacy is juxtaposed with metaphysical concepts, suggesting a higher form of purity in detached relationships.

• Personal Resonance:
  The poem resonates with Ada’s own struggles and observations regarding the balance between physical desire and emotional connection, deepening her appreciation for the complexities of human intimacy.

Notable Quote:

“They are like great runners. They know they are alone with the road surface, the cold, the wind...”
— Sex Without Love by Sharon Olds [05:10]

Conclusion and Reflections

Ada concludes her segment by reiterating the lasting impact of Sharon Olds’ poetry on her understanding of love and physical desire. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing and appreciating the different ways individuals navigate intimacy, whether through emotional bonds or purely physical connections.

Closing Thoughts:

• Appreciation for Diverse Expressions of Intimacy:
  Ada expresses admiration for those who can engage physically without emotional dependency, recognizing it as a form of strength and self-awareness.

• Continued Exploration:
  She hints at future explorations of similar themes, expressing eagerness to delve deeper into the nuances of human relationships through poetry.

Notable Quote:

“Today's poem has stuck with me for years.”
— Ada Limone [05:55]

Outro by Maika (Timestamp: 06:14)

While Maika’s closing remarks primarily focus on the broader context of public media and its challenges, they serve as a reminder of the community and support systems that make programs like The Slowdown possible. Maika encourages listeners to engage with and support public media to ensure the continued availability of enriching content.

Notable Quote:

“If you want to protect your favorite public media podcasts like this one, visit americanpublicmedia.org/action to learn how you can help.”
— Maika [06:14]

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Key Takeaways

• Exploration of Intimacy:
  The episode intricately explores the spectrum of human intimacy, contrasting emotionally driven love with purely physical relationships, providing listeners with a nuanced understanding of both.

• Personal Reflections Enhance Understanding:
  Ada Limone’s personal anecdotes and reflections offer a relatable and engaging perspective, bridging the gap between poetic expression and everyday experiences.

• Appreciation for Poetic Craftsmanship:
  Sharon Olds’ Sex Without Love is highlighted for its elegant portrayal of detached intimacy, showcasing the power of poetry to dissect and illuminate complex emotional landscapes.

• Community and Support:
  The episode underscores the importance of community support for public media, emphasizing the collective effort required to sustain platforms that enrich our lives through art and reflection.

Recommended For

• Poetry Enthusiasts:
  Those who appreciate deep, reflective poetry will find great value in the analysis and personal reflections shared in this episode.

• Individuals Exploring Relationships:
  Listeners navigating the complexities of love and physical desire may find resonance and insight in the discussions presented.

• Supporters of Public Media:
  The episode serves as a gentle reminder of the importance of supporting public media initiatives to continue enjoying high-quality, thought-provoking content.

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The Slowdown continues to serve as a daily companion for those seeking connection and reflection through poetry, fostering a community united by the shared appreciation of language and emotion.

Transcript

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[Maggie Smith]

Treat, cure or prevent any disease Hi, it's Maggie Smith. I'm the new host of the Slowdown, and I'm so looking forward to sharing new episodes with you starting August 18th. In the meantime, we're revisiting some favorites from the archive. And like today's episode from Ada Limone, I'm grateful to share her work with you today.

[Ada Limon]

I'm Ada Limon, and this is the Slowdown. I am a bit of a romantic. When I was at a sleepover at my friend Missy's house in fifth grade, we watched Romancing the Stone and I was so eager to see the two leads fall in love that I was the only one really watching the movie. My friend Missy said, oh, I see. Ada is a romantic. And it's true. Missy was right then and she's right now. I love love. Once before I was married, I made a toast to my husband. We were living in Kentucky and he was probably working. I held up my glass of wine and stared at him somberly and said something about how grateful I was for our life together, for our relationship. And at the end of the toast, we clinked glasses and he arched one eyebrow and said, did we just get married? So yes, I can be a bit over the top in my love of love. Even when I was single, I could romanticize strangers or chance encounters or brief affairs into something they were not. My imagination would form attachments based on ideas or dreams, and each time I'd come back to my body into myself and realize that every email or note or sidelong glance was not always the beginning of a romance. Yet when while it was happening, I think I was somehow different from everyone else. It wasn't just my own romantic tendencies that fascinated me, but it was also those tendencies of others to be driven not by love or desire for love, but instead to be driven only by the body and its desires. This purely physical drive was a wonder to me, something I was often in awe of but could very rarely mimic. Even when I tried, my true self was always somewhere off, swooning. It was impressive, those friends, those crushes, who could bow down to the body and even offer it freely without having to offer their whole heart. Today's poem is from a dear teacher, Sharon Olds. This poem has stuck with me for years. It examines the honest way in which some people are able to be intimate without all the heavy weight of romance. Sex Without Love by Sharon Olds how do they do it, the ones who make love without love? Beautiful as dancers, gliding over each other like ice skaters over the ice, fingers hooked inside each other's bodies, faces red as steak wine, wet as the children at birth whose mothers are going to give them away? How do they come to the come to the come to the God, come to the still waters and not love the one who came there with them, light rising slowly as steam off their joined skin. These are the true religious, the purists, the pros, the ones who will not accept the false Messiah, love the priest instead of the God. They do not mistake their lover for their own pleasure. They are like great runners. They know they are alone with the road surface, the cold, the wind, the fit of their shoes, their overall cardiovascular health just factors like the partner in the bed and not the truth, which is the single body alone in the universe against its own best time. The Slowdown is a production of American Public Media in partnership with the Poetry Foundation. To get a poem delivered to you daily, go to slowdownshow.org and sign up for our newsletter and find us on Instagram slowdownshow.

[Maika]

Hi everyone, it's Maika, lead producer of the Slowdown. I want to take a minute to talk to you about public media. You may have heard about federal budget cuts and other threats to public media, but what you might not know is that the Slowdown is actually part of the public media ecosystem. If you want to protect your favorite public media podcasts like this one, visit americanpublicmedia.org action to learn how you can help.