Comedian Jerry Wayne Longmire

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Smoking Tire – Comedian Jerry Wayne Longmire

Episode Date: July 14, 2026
Hosts: Matt Farah & Zack Klapman
Guest: Jerry Wayne Longmire

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Matt and Zack sit down with comedian Jerry Wayne Longmire, a Texas-bred standup known for his deep love and knowledge of cars, automotive culture, and blue-collar roots. The conversation covers Jerry’s upbringing in a wrecking yard, his family legacy in the automotive world, his journey from nuclear safety technician to standup, and the quirks and nostalgia of car culture old and new. The trio discusses everything from LA’s automotive history to electric cars, crazy Craigslist buys, comedian life, and memorable jobs and gigs on the road.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jerry’s Automotive Roots and "Wrecking Yard" Brand

(Timestamps: 01:23–05:34)

• Jerry grew up in a family-owned wrecking yard in East Texas; his dad was the go-to VW air-cooled engine guy for the area.
• A running joke about naming multiple projects “Wrecking Yard” ("If I name anything else the Wrecking Yard, they're quitting." – Jerry, 02:07).
• Reflection on 20th-century car culture: “He was a draftsman but he spent all his week... there was one dude everywhere that knew how to work on some kind of thing. My dad was the VW guy...” (03:13)
• Matt and Zack praise Jerry’s ability to mine humor and stories from car culture and body shop experiences.

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2. Car Market Nostalgia & The Boomers’ Barn Finds

(05:54–08:23)

• Discussion of how boomers are liquidating collections and previously aspirational classic cars are now affordable.
• "You can buy a Shoebox Ford for 20 grand, fully done, ready to go." – Jerry (06:18)
• Critique of generational shifts in car tastes: “Nobody wants those Corvettes. All those special Corvettes... you're saying those things go for nothing.” (06:37)
• The resurgence of 80s/90s mini trucks and show cars.

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3. VW Buses, LA Car Culture, and Regional Humor

(08:24–11:03)

• Jerry declares his love for VW buses and shares a story about a burned T2 bus.
• Laughs about Los Angeles’ traffic vs. Houston’s gridlock and how car culture survives both.
• “I always hear people complain about Los Angeles... it's not that different than Houston. No, it's about the same gridlock..." (09:20)
• Regional comedy: how car, city, and social nuances cross over for touring comics.

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4. LA’s Hidden Car History

(15:32–16:49)

• Zack reveals their studio is near historical automotive sites: Iskenderian, Shelby, and Edelbrock were all local.
• “This right here outside the street used to be called Jefferson Speedway... these guys would just... test ripping right here, this street right here.” – Zack (15:44)

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5. The Two-Car Lifestyle & Lane-Splitting in LA and Texas

(16:49–18:26)

• Conversation about how owning a practical car and a fun car (or bike) is key for LA motorists.
• Introduction to lane-splitting (legal in both California and Texas) and the personalities it attracts: “I don't trust people enough to do that. Somebody's gonna sit half a lane on you or something.” – Jerry (17:50)
• Stories of quirky personal motorcycles and the inadequacy of vintage brakes.

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6. Automotive Projects, Career Pivots, and the Blue-Collar Comic Path

(19:45–25:13)

• Jerry’s career began in nuclear non-destructive testing, traveling globally inspecting oil and gas infrastructure.
• The reluctant leap into standup after a second-place finish in a Houston contest – “I apparently told him at some point I was pretty sure HBO was going to be calling me any day.” (25:17)
• Comic advice: "If the victories in show business, like don't take them as everything and don't take the losses as everything either. Just kind of keep going forward." (25:32)

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7. Comedy Store, Writing, and Imposter Syndrome

(28:08–31:48)

• Jerry’s path to performing at LA’s iconic Comedy Store and the joy of not being "let in" by the gatekeepers.
• Both hosts and Jerry discuss the value of learning to write like you talk. “If you can sufficiently write like you talk, then the rules of grammar go completely fucking out the window.” – Zach (29:53)
• Jerry’s new memoir is “Wrecking Yard” (due Fall).

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8. Travel, Accents, and Southern-Novelty Abroad

(32:04–33:32)

• Experiences of being a Southern American abroad (“It's like being a novelty act at the Z.” – Jerry, 32:33)
• How regional dialects (southern US, Scottish, British) are perceived and generally treated as more charming or intelligent.

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9. Zoom Comedy, Cult Gigs, and the “Laugh Meditation”

(36:17–43:42)

• Jerry shares his lockdown hustle: winning a “clean comedy” contest by default, performing for a yoga-cult-esque spiritual center, and a surreal “laugh meditation” warmup:
  "She goes, 'Now let’s work it up to a medium throaty laugh.' And she does it. She goes all the way to Gafal and these people on command...” (39:38)
• The strangeness of Zoom comedy and getting pandemic-era “tips” from enthusiastic, possibly cultish, audience members (earning $5,000 via Venmo in one night).

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10. Stories vs. Jokes: Comedy Evolution

(44:22–46:03)

• Reflecting on the old comedy model focused on “laughs per minute” vs. today's story-based formats.
  • “20 years of writing short punchlines teaches you how to write a seven-minute story that just bat, bat, bat, bat, bat constantly." – Jerry (46:03)

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11. Blue Collar Geniuses and Car Myths

(46:31–48:39)

• Tribute to the “redneck savants” on every job site, and the enduring urban legends like magic carburetors and miraculous 40mpg Fords.

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12. Road Car Stories – From F-150s to Hyundai Accents

(51:14–53:12)

• Jerry’s first road car for comedy touring: a “1999 Hyundai Accent,” recalling its shocking reliability: “...if my grandfather knew the damage I'd done to that car, he'd come out of the grave and slap the sound out of my ear.” (51:14)
• Zack and friends’ own Craigslist adventure races – including Hyundai and Toyota Previa road trips.

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13. Radwood, Fox-Bodies, and Collector Car Value

(54:38–57:21)

• Dissection of Radwood-era nostalgia and how otherwise unloved cars (Buicks, Roadmasters, Yugos) are now ironically valuable.
• “There's a difference... Oh, it's rare. Well, it's rare because nobody wanted it to begin with.” – Jerry (54:30)
• Fox-body Mustang price explosion: “They're not even $30,000, 90s dollars cool to me.” – Jerry (55:21)

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14. Electric Cars and the Loss of Sensory Input

(59:13–62:32)

• Comparing the explosive speed of modern EVs to old muscle cars:
  • “In the Rimac Nevera... I ran an 8.8 on the road and I did it, and it's silent... It was so nonchalant.” – Zack (59:13–59:30)
  • “That's so offsetting to me. I can't hear nothing. Yelling at me, telling me to stop. Like an engine... 7,000 RPMs tells you go, 'Hey, think about your life.'” – Jerry (60:13)
• On electric motorcycles: exciting but limited by range, especially for heavier riders.

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15. Dirt Track, World of Outlaws, and Racing Scenes

(64:22–67:47)

• Jerry details his involvement in dirt-track circles, World of Outlaws events, and auto racing’s evolution.
• Dirt track racing lauded for its dynamism and difficulty compared to asphalt.

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16. Crown Vic Racing & Cletus McFarland

(68:49–71:31)

• Matt and Zack preview their invite to the Cletus McFarland Crown Vic race—novelty pro-am racing against NASCAR professionals in identical police sedans.
• Shared fondness for ex-cop cars and cop-car culture (both as civilian drivers and for actual cops).

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17. Random Car Lore, Lemons, and Gambler 500

(83:17–86:48)

• Lemons racing: camaraderie, “weird car science,” and creative, humiliating penalties (e.g., churning butter, painting portraits).
• Jerry expresses eagerness to do a Lemons rally or Gambler 500 off-road adventure.
• Stories about indestructible GM A-cars and friends’ beaters that just would not die.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• "I always tell people I went to Texas A&M one time, but it was to hang drywall in the men's laboratory." (Jerry, 30:15)
• "If you can sufficiently write like you talk, then the rules of grammar go completely fucking out the window." (Zach, 29:53)
• “I killed him. Go back down to there. Oh, that was great.” (On the surprise clean comedy contest win; 38:55)
• “They had to be taught the appropriate amount of laughter for each moment.” (Zach, 40:49)
• “Stories are in now, bro.” (Zach, 44:48)
• “Now next week, Fox bodies have become crazy work... they're not even $30,000, 90s dollars cool to me.” (Jerry, 55:05-55:21)
• "That's so offsetting to me. I can't hear nothing. Yelling at me, telling me to stop. Like an engine... 7,000 RPMs tells you go, 'Hey, think about your life.'" (Jerry, 60:13)
• “I'm just gonna go out there and buy some piece of crap and run it as hard as I can.” (Jerry, on Gambler 500, 85:15)

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Timestamps for Significant Segments

• Jerry’s wrecking yard childhood & family (01:23–05:34)
• Generational shifts in classic car values (05:54–08:23)
• VW & LA car culture stories (08:24–11:03)
• Historic automotive LA (15:32–16:49)
• Two-car/motorcycle lifestyle in LA (16:49–18:26)
• Jerry’s nuclear safety career & standup leap (19:45–25:13)
• Writing, editing, and storytelling in comedy (28:08–31:48)
• Zoom “cult” comedy & pandemic hustle (36:17–43:42)
• Changes in comedy pacing and structure (44:22–46:03)
• Fox-bodies, Radwood, and collector value (54:38–57:21)
• Electric car performance & experience (59:13–62:32)
• Crown Vic racing and Cletus empire (68:49–71:31)
• Lemons, Gambler 500, and endurance racing culture (83:17–86:48)

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Final Notes

This episode delivers an energetic fusion of car culture stories, stand-up gig mishaps, auto nostalgia, and the joys and mishaps of road life—anchored by Jerry’s deep automotive knowledge and disarming Southern wit. Essential listening for car nerds and comedy fans alike.

To follow Jerry Wayne Longmire:

• Instagram: @jerrywaynelive
• YouTube: Search “Jerry Wayne Longmire”
• “Wrecking Yard” special on YouTube and book coming Fall 2026

Shout-outs:

• Cletus McFarland’s Crown Vic race
• World of Outlaws dirt track series
• Lemons racing and the Gambler 500

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Transcript

[Matt Farah]

What's up, everybody?

[Zach]

Welcome to the Smoking Tire Podcast. Matt Farah here.

[Matt Farah]

And today's episode is brought to you by off the Record. We love off the Record here at the Smoking Tire. They are looking out for me as I drive all over the country. And they are looking out for you in your everyday life. Could be road trips, could be commuting, you name it. If you get pulled over and you get a moving violation, get off the record. Go to offtherecord.com TST that's offtherecord. That link will get you 10% off all legal services booked through off the Record. Friends don't let friends plead guilty. That system is meant to trap you. Fight it. Get off the [e-mail] TST all right, everybody. Today's episode is very special. We've got a very funny comic in studio. This dude knows his cars, grew up around body shops and wrecking yards. In fact, his first special, the Wreckin Yard, is up on YouTube. He's got a great YouTube channel where he makes fun of all kinds of car culture stuff. And this is a real dude. And I had a great time hanging out with him in studio. It's Jerry. Wayne Longmire on the Smoking Tire podcast. Let's go.

[Zach]

We're doing it live. I'll do your intro later.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Work for me, brother.

[Zach]

Once I know what the hell we talked about, I'll recap it in the intro. Welcome to the program. Jerry, this is. I'm excited. I'm excited to meet you. Cause Zach sent me your, like, your Instagram, like, whatever it was a month ago, and he was like, this guy's really funny. We should get him, like, yes. And then I watched your special Wrecking Yard that inspired the podcast of the same name.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach]

Funny fucking shit.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Thank you, brother. Very, very appreciate it, man. I'm actually really proud of that. We filmed that on for about five grand and some rented cameras and a lot of favors right at the end of the pandemic.

[Zach]

Yeah, listen, I've been there. That's how to do it. That's how to do it. But it's a good name.

[Matt Farah]

Wrecking Yard.

[Zach]

Like, it's a great double entendre. Naming shit is important. You come up with a good name.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Now, my manager has told me if I. Because my first book is dropping in fall and it's kind of a memoir, more of a vigorous novel, but it's called the Wrecking Yard. And my managers told me if I name anything else the Wrecking Yard, they're Quitting,

[Zach]

you get one per genre. And then once you've done a lap around, you know, it's time.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

She was like, they came at me, they offered me. So I interviewed up with a three book contract and we got ready to start working on the third book. He was like, what are you going to name at? I was like, no regard. Two sounds good. It's got a RA2.

[Zach]

How many, how many times could meatloaf go in and out of hell? You know?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Exactly.

[Zach]

Into hell, out of hell, back into hell.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Look at Ali Zagi out of Domino, Domino, Domino. You know, just go roll with it, baby.

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, your car too and I, you can tell it's. There's little nuggets that get dropped.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, you know, I spent some time. I actually I grew up in a wrecking yard. My grandfather owned a wrecking yard. And I grew up, all my first cars came out of that wrecking yard. And my dad was one. My dad was a draftsman but he spent all his week. He was so, you know, like back then before the Internet and all that stuff you had to have. There was one dude everywhere that knew how to work on some kind of thing. And my dad was the VW guy. He was the air cooled and VW guy in East Texas. And so people brought their cars, you know. I sound like I'm telling a wives. People have a car from near over two counties, you know, probably not a

[Zach]

lot of Volkswagen people in Texas.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

And the old man could build those air cooled engines and he was hell on them, you know. And so people always outside our house, on the side of our house there would be a Baja Bug and a Sandra and a Trike and a couple just regular old Beetles.

[Zach]

I can't believe I didn't bring the fucking Manx to work today. God damn it. Oh, I'm gonna regret this next time you come on the show. Now that I know this. Did you see by the way, if you, you follow a lot of car shit. Festival of speed today. Aloisa. Ruf, our good friend. You know RUF Porsches, they're really fast.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, I know of them.

[Zach]

They dropped a twin turbo air cooled flat 8 that makes like a thousand horsepower.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

What does that sound like?

[Guest or Additional Participant]

It sounds real crazy.

[Zach]

It sounds real crazy. It sounds like 2 Hot Rod 912 Porsche is running at the same time.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Oh yeah, look at that monster.

[Zach]

God, isn't that cool?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Days of lifting it out by yourself are over.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Yeah.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Good lord, look at the hardware. That's actually water cooled.

[Zach]

That's not air cooled, right?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, that's water.

[Zach]

That's water cooled. Maybe I got that wrong. I was browsing through Instagram. Maybe I got. Maybe it's water cooled.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

I haven't read about it yet, but

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I would, I would wager if it.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Well, you know, with these guys, who knows? Who the fuck knows?

[Zach]

I don't know. The thousand horsepower flat eight that I do know. Are you excited for a new flat 8 engine? Yes or no? Car and driver. What are you doing?

[Guest or Additional Participant]

It doesn't say in this eight cylinder box.

[Zach]

Twin turbo, 4.8 thousand horsepower. No other specifics.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

737 foot pound.

[Zach]

I thought I heard air cooled somewhere.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

How does it not twist that thing in half? That's insane.

[Zach]

Well, it's in a car that's like a mid engine sort of supercar. Yeah, I mean that's going to be pretty cool, huh? Anyway, back to. So your dad was the Volkswagen guy?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, he was.

[Zach]

Who was the wrecking yard guy? Him also.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

That was my papa, my mom's father. He owned this wrecking yard and we just. It was just. He was. If he'd been rich, he'd been called eccentric. But he was just a hoarder. He's a customer. He's a collector.

[Zach]

Is real.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, no, it's a fine line. We're in a weird time right now, right. Because like the cars I grew up in love with, the ones that were just out of reach where I'm 40, I just turned 49 yesterday. So the cars. Thank you brother, I appreciate it. So the cars that I grew up that were out of reach for me as a teenager or even as a young man money wise because the boomers were hoarding them like crazy. Are now going for peanuts. You can buy a ShoeBox Ford for 20 grand, fully done, ready to go.

[Zach]

Special Chevelles and stuff are back to back to.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Do you watch them? They go out, do these barn find buys and these collections, they're buying these collections up all across these boomers are hitting 78 and going I don't need all these cars.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

I can't drive them anymore.

[Zach]

Want to pay the taxes or can't afford them.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

And nobody wants those Corvettes. All those special Corvettes

[Zach]

car let's.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Matching glove box made once. Yeah.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Oh dude. You're saying those things go for nothing.

[Zach]

I was just talking to like two friends who I was like we need to go to like the Tuesday of Barrett Jackson next year with like 25k

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

and just see what you walk away with.

[Zach]

And just like who gets the film the Whole thing. Yeah, we're all going to get something good. And there's so much shit that's like a different set of wheels away from being real nice shit that's got, like, late 90s wheels on it.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I have seen so many near good cars. Nary a paint job. I don't know what your thought process here was.

[Zach]

It's one expensive finishing thing away from being awesome that someone just doesn't want to do.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

So many of these guys, you remember in these 80s and 90s cars, they built these incredible show cars, right, that were winning awards and had the crazy graphics and the paint jobs, and now they're finding them in junkyards and find them on the side of the road in Iowa. Like, there's a couple grown up over the mini trucks. The mini trucks are starting to reappear. These old show trucks people built.

[Zach]

You find a survivor mini truck, you're. You don't you tell Vinnie Russo about that. You tell Vinnie Russo. You go, hey, there's a fucking dancing hard body for sale.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Yeah, it's got a spinning bag.

[Zach]

Dude is going to drop everything.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I had a buddy recently called me about a. I'm a Volkswagen. I love the bus. I had a dude called me about a bus recently, like a 67 bus that was burnt. And he's like, hey, I know. You know, Gabriel glaciers before reach out, I was like, well, just let. Just hold on. Let me come look at it first, and then he can have my sloppy

[Zach]

seconds for a while.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

He already has all the rest of them.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

You've got enough of them.

[Zach]

You heard about that one that got half burnt in the Palisades fire?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Did you see that one? No.

[Zach]

It was parked, like, on the street, you know, and the house burned like all the other houses on the block. And the side of the bus that was facing the house was, like, melted, and the other side was, like, almost mint. They restored Volkswagen. Restored it, but it almost would have been cool, kind of like cosmetically left alone.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Finish it out, like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

I mean, it was. It's sad, but it's really, really neat. Did you find a picture of it? The half t. T2. Oh, we don't want to hold. I don't want to.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

You know.

[Zach]

Oh, there it is. Yeah, that's. It restored. Yeah, it's a lovely little bus.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Oh, it's a bay bus.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

We're.

[Zach]

I mean, you're in the. You're in the home of Volkswagen buses right out here.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah.

[Zach]

This is where you see two or three of them things a day.

[Matt Farah]

Out here, it's gotta be, I tell you.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

You know, I always hear people complain about Los Angeles. This is my first time. I've been to Los Angeles one other time, but I spent the entire time in a rent house with Ralphie May High.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Here's your kale shake and your socialism card.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

And I never. I never made it to see anything else in la.

[Zach]

I was just sunny in the weed was good.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I was just in the suburbs and we were stoned and I did an audition and then I flew back to Houston.

[Zach]

You know, R.I.P.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

ralphie, man, wonderful, wonderful human being. Loved him a great deal. And so I've been here, you know, for about a day and driving around and everything. And everybody complains about Train. I was like, you know, it's not that different than Houston. No, no, it's about the same gridlock, you know, if you try. Like I had. I did a show at Brea last night. The Brea Improv as a whole. My naive. I looked at it on the map. I go. My wife goes, well, how long you think it's gonna take to get over? I said, well, it's about 25 miles. I mean, 30, 40 minutes. What are you thinking? Multiply by four, put it in a ways that it come up in an hour and a half. And I was like, all right, so this is like trying to go to Katy. This is like trying to go to Katie from downtown at rush hour. Okay, this is bad planning on my part. But, you know, people kept going. Why don't they have me do a show at Brea and a show at the Comedy Store? Like, it seems like all that's right by each other, you know? And everybody's like, no, people that live over here don't go over there for any reason.

[Zach]

It's a different audience. Totally.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, it was weird. Brea kind of had a small town feel to it a little bit. It kind of reminded me of like,

[Zach]

little old LA is a bunch of towns. It's like

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Houston the same way. He's just a conglomerate. It's a mess of subreddits that just

[Zach]

touch each other without a bunch of green in the middle.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

But it has to be. SoCal has such an amazing car history, car culture. Of course. I'm a big, you know, Ed Iskandarian fan. And dude, do you know where you are? No, I don't.

[Matt Farah]

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[Zach]

That's a big deal.

[Matt Farah]

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[Zach]

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[Matt Farah]

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[Zach]

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[Matt Farah]

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[Zach]

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[Zach]

You and I after the show can walk to the original iski Building. It's 200 yards from here.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Really?

[Zach]

We can walk there from here.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Do you know where you are?

[Zach]

This right here outside the street used to be called Jefferson Speedway. It's Jefferson Boulevard. Iski is right here. The other end, the west end was right in Venice by Jefferson and Lincoln was the original Shelby factory. Right in between was the original Edelbrock. And these guys would just. And it's now a luxury development. They would just test ripping right here, this street right here.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

That's insane. It's all circle. Y' all have such a cool history. It's gotta be hard though to be a car aficionado here because even though the weather's great and the cars are in good shape, I have not got that Volkswagen. I rented over 30 miles an hour a year.

[Zach]

Two car system.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Just putting. I spent more time sitting at a red light with it off, waiting for it to start up again.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

You have to go out and find the roads at the right time or drive around at 2:00am you know, like the night, drive through. Downtown's magical. Or you go to the canyons or you go to the, you know, up to Malibu. But like, you have to almost make it a mini driving vacation.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah. It is honestly so beautiful driving around though. It's like, how do you guys get any work done? Because Houston, there's nothing to look at. It's flat. And if you drive far enough, you get to the ocean and if you go that way it's, you know, so it's Oklahoma. There's not much to see though. In between there, a lot of pine trees. Like I couldn't get anything done here. I sit in the red light looking up in the mountains and stuff. Like I just want to go be up in there and something up in there.

[Zach]

Our mountain roads are amazing. So that's why it's like a two car stop system here. You've got your traffic car and then your fun car.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Or your motorcycle or whatnot. The other move here is motorcycle because lane splitting is legal so you can beat traffic.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, we got that too. People get so angry about that. That's a funny thing about lane splitting. Yeah, they get so. I don't get mad about it. But me, it's always. I was a motorcycle rider for many years and every time I see somebody doing it, I'm like, ah, that's not me, bro.

[Zach]

Well, when they're doing it fast, then I'm like, you're gonna fucking die.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

You're gonna catch a door, man. Somebody, some jackass, somebody's. I don't trust people enough to do that. You know, somebody's gonna sit half a lane on you or something.

[Zach]

I diffuse it. I don't know if you saw my Vespa outside. That's what I'm riding. And so it's lovely. I. I will, I'll. I'll die on the Vespa hill.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

That Honda Turbo down there is insane.

[Zach]

Yeah, it's a good time.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

That's really cool.

[Zach]

It's. It's got a hilarious 80s zingy power band and the worst brakes imaginable. Bricks I of vintage motorcycling. I don't think it's for me. I can't handle the brakes.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I had a Honda Hurricane and the brakes were advice. It was just like, you know what I mean? We should stop. Oh man, I don't know.

[Zach]

Can you look on bat? It was last week, dude, there this guy. I don't know if it's Sold a Honda. There's a cbx. You know about the cbx, I assume, right? With the inline six there was a. There's a CBX on bat that has like a Gixxer front fork and some other kind of crazy like a Ducati rear swing arm or something. It's like a Pro Touring cbx. That, that looked so cool. Did it sell okay? It must have sold. Go back, go down a little bit. It's that. Oh, where was it? Oh, that. Oh, that's it. 1147cc second row, that thing.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Oh, that looks a lot cooler than I might from the.

[Zach]

That's like a proper hot rod race car right there.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

That's cool.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Street fighter thing.

[Zach]

Yeah, that's gonna sound like a fucking F1.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Exactly. That's a street fighter. That's.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

That.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

That is bad to the bone.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

I like that little short tail on it and stuff. This is awesome.

[Zach]

Kick ass. So many pipes, dude. And no sale at 17,000. That's pretty cool.

[Matt Farah]

Fast.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Windy, definitely windy.

[Zach]

What kind of, what kind of bike did you. Were you a Harley man? Is that a safe assumption when you were.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

No, no, no. I was all Japanese bikes.

[Zach]

So you had those Honda Hurricanes.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Honda Hurricane, a lot of older ones. Yamaha Midnight special, you know, 750, triple. I had a couple British, I had a couple older BSAs. I had a Norton that was in pieces that never made it past pieces. You bought it in pieces? Yeah, yeah, I bought it in milk crates. And I was so excited about it and I was like, well, I'm living in Houston, I'll be able to get parts for this thing. Guess what? You could not at that time frame, you know, and everything was. If you did find something, it was going to take you six weeks to get it. And by then I'd lose. I'd go on to some other project and be jacking with something else.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

And Norton's coming back actually.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, there's a relaunch.

[Zach]

There's a new Norton.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I always, I always thought the Commando was one of the coolest looking motorcycles. I'm a little big for it, so it looks like a monkey doing something inappropriate to a football.

[Zach]

But dude, that's like, that's like.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

When I ride these little British bikes,

[Zach]

I look very, very, very gorilla. Like on this.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I don't feel that way when I'm on it, but I know then I'll see a picture and I'm like, oh, you can't even see the motorbike test,

[Zach]

the new Monster and the new Ducati Monster and it's a dude. It's a fabulous motorcycle and it is. Is an unbelievable value. It's not that expensive by motorcycle standards. And it's great. Everything about it's great.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

You have the dream job. You just get to drive all the cool stuff. You know what I mean?

[Zach]

It's amazing. It is absolutely amazing. We should try to work.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Nobody told me about that in job fair or I would have tried out for that. You know what I mean? They're like, you want to be a machinist?

[Zach]

You know, YouTube didn't exist until I was 28, so that was it. At the time of job fair, I would have. The odds of me becoming Spider man

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

were about the same as the odds

[Zach]

of me getting this job. You know what I mean? It took things being invented that were

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

same with mine, to be honest.

[Zach]

Well, you were. I mean, dude, you said you're a fucking nuclear safety technician at one point is that the.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

My first career was non destructive testing. And so I did gamma radiography, ultrasonics, liquid penetrate. I was level two and I traveled around the country doing that. Metallurgical inspections and welding inspections. Inspection. And I grew up in that. My dad was like quality control guy and I kind of grew up in that side of the manufacturing in East Texas, in the oil field.

[Zach]

That's a crazy pivot.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Yeah.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

You know, it actually was like. It got me out of where I was and I got to go, you know, I got to go to Saudi, I got to go all over the place. Places that people my age weren't going unless they joined the military.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Yeah.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

And. And I did it, but I never liked it, but I was good at it. And so I went to work for a company called Baker Testing up in Boston. They came and headhunted me and hired me on. And then at some point it turned into me teaching radiation safety. And I was going around teaching radiation safety for a little while. And then that was right before standup, honestly. In fact, I had been wanting to try stand up for a while. I did it the first time and then I joined a contest in Houston and I got second place in this comedy contest in Houston. And I was like, well, I guess I'm probably gonna be famous now. I don't reckon I need. What year was this? This was 2004, 2005. And so Sarah Tallemache actually won that contest and she's traveling and touring right now. And the other guy, and it was a. Turned out to be a writer for Parks and Rec, the guy who got third place. And I was the Only one who did nothing. But I was just sure I was gonna be famous. And I will never forget. So that night of the contest, me and my brother were roommates at the time. We go out and we just get. Just cratered, right? Just. It ends up with Jimmy Buffett and rum in the humidifier. Drunk, just a mess. And I was supposed to leave.

[Zach]

What happens if you put rum in the humidifier?

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Fire.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Nothing good. I've got some fire and we're supposed to. I was supposed to leave at 8 o' clock, o' clock in the morning for a four year turnaround in San Benito's California. I was basically going to move to right outside of San Francisco, I believe is kind of where the area is and run this turnaround, a big Exxon turnaround and it was going to further my career and that's, you know, I was going to be the scheduler and running that little job site. And I didn't make it to my flight. And apparently also at 2am had called my boss, James McKeska and left him a lengthy voicemail about why I wouldn't be returning to work or going to San Francisco. And so I'll never Forget, it's like 10am I'm so hungry, my head's splitting inside. I get this phone call and I answer my phone is James. He goes, Jerry, this is Mr. Mcaska. I said, hey, Mr. James, how you doing? He said, well, I got an odd voicemail from you last night and I just was calling to clarify that you're not on that plane to San Francisco. I said, no, sir. He said, well, good luck to you, son. Hope I see you on the H. And hung up.

[Matt Farah]

Wow.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Encouraging the end of my career in

[Zach]

remarkably pleasant conversation.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

He was a great dude.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

So your lengthy voicemail to him may have been pleasant but thorough.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Not.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

It wasn't.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

No, no, it was not like. It was just like, James, I just, things are changing in my life and I just got second, you know, I

[Zach]

thought it was going to be, you can take this job.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

No, I apparently told him at some point I was pretty sure HBO was going to be calling me any day. And you're like, I got second.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

So I'm just waiting for my million dol.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I can't be flying to San Francisco. I might miss an important phone call. President of show business might be ringing me up.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Anyway, the early victories, who, I don't know who told us this. Maybe Ferrar or maybe someone else. But they're like, if, if the, if the victories in show business like don't take them as everything and don't take the losses as everything either and just kind of keep going forward. But early on, the smallest wins. You're like, this is it.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, we did it. This is it. We did it.

[Zach]

Yeah, us too.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

But you don't know.

[Zach]

I've had that three or four times, of course.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

But how much easier does it make it when things do start happening that you enter it with a healthy level of skepticism and you're not all worked up about it? You know what I mean?

[Zach]

It's like, guys, one more quick break for Avant.

[Matt Farah]

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[Zach]

Maybe you want fresh summer tires, maybe

[Matt Farah]

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[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Like I honestly God because I'm kind of on the outside of the cool kids as far as stand up goes and everything. I'VE I've struggled with damn gatekeepers and stuff for 20 years now, you know, and the blue collar thing was great. When Blue Collar Comedy Tour, that was great. And that took off. That was a big deal. But by and large, comic clubs didn't want comics that sounded like me, especially in California, you know, they were in college. And so I always assumed that, like I. He said this a number of times that I always assumed. I read about the Comedy Store, read about. Sam Kinison, was a huge fan. And it's crazy. Me and my brother were like talking about this stuff. We were teenagers and how cool it'd be to go to the Comedy Store. But I got to a point where I just assumed that if I ever saw the Comedy Store, it'd be because I was doing a show somewhere out in the middle of nowhere, close to la. And I drove in for the day and just went and saw the Comedy Store as a fan. So to be playing there for Friday night is insane to me. You know what I mean? It's like, this is not one of those places you thought you were going to get let in, you know, 100%.

[Zach]

That's me writing stuff for Road and Track magazine.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

It's crazy, right?

[Zach]

That's the thing. I got there through an ass backwards way that I didn't think was possible. But now you open the page and it's like, new Lamborghini review written by Matt Farrell. Like, what?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

How'd that happen? That's wild.

[Zach]

That's crazy.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Did you pursue writing as a career as a young person?

[Zach]

No, I was backwards. It was. You're good at talking. Try doing that onto the page. And actually that once I learned there

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

weren't actually rules or they didn't matter.

[Zach]

They don't matter. They don't matter. If you can sufficiently write like you talk.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Then they're. Then the rules of grammar go completely fucking out the window.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

That, you know, that's been one of the coolest things about working on my book and stuff. My editor is him. He's one of these guys and I talk about on stage. He's one of these guys that. I was a little nervous. I was insecure about my lack of education because you name a college, I didn't go to it.

[Zach]

That's true for me. Except for one.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I was like, I always tell people I went to Texas A and M one time, but it was to hang drywall in the men's laboratory. I was there for three weeks.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

But what did you learn in that bathroom?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I learned frat boys are useless. My God, y', all, y' all grown ass people can't clean up after yourself. It was working with that guy on that stuff and he would cut. But he's one of these guys had all the acronyms, the MFA's and all that stuff. And I'm like, oh, this guy's gonna think I'm an idiot. But I'm like, I gotta prove this guy I'm not, you know? And I sat down and talked with him the first time and he was like, he's like, no. He goes, he goes, the most important thing about the printed word is people being able to read it and hear your voice totally and hear what you're saying and you can convey your point and get across all the rest of that crap. Doesn't matter, you know, that's why, like,

[Zach]

from a career perspective, I think it's better to become known for how you talk and then go to writing than there's a lot of folks who try to be writers and then become on camera or whatever, and it like doesn't quite work well.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

And there's also. How old are you?

[Zach]

44.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Okay, so there's also, you know, there's also this look. When I was in my 20s, I wanted to write, but what the hell was I going to talk about? I hadn't done anything, I didn't know anything.

[Zach]

It's so funny.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Everyone

[Zach]

story from my twenties now. Really funny.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

So talking about the stuff I was

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

doing, you know what I mean? But you had to go do the stuff to have something. Talk. 150 now. I had kids. I've got some stories now. I've been around the world a couple times. I can tell you some things, but I was in my 20. I. I had pretty flowery words, but I did. They didn't have nothing. They didn't bleed. There was nothing underneath them.

[Zach]

Yeah, when you go to Saudi, is that. How do they treat people with a deep southern accent in Saudi compared to,

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

oh, they love us. Yeah, you're a superstar. But contractor, oilfield, they put those two things together, you're treated very, very well. At least, you know, pre maybe the way things are now, but same way, honestly, I went to Africa two years ago and everybody I talked to, I would just have a flock of people wanting to come up and hear me say things.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

That's very.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

You know what I mean? It's like being a novelty act at the Z. They always tell me that's how it was when I was so, when I was young, when I was like 18, 19 years old, I moved to Milwaukee, Wisconsin for NDT job. And all of a sudden I was showered with women. And it was the wildest thing. I didn't know it was extra charming

[Zach]

because of the accident.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I literally would just go to a bar and be like, can I get a Bud Light? So girl, be like, oh, my God, can you say my name?

[Zach]

In la, the cheat code is the English accent. You have an English accent in la, you are perceived as. You're done several levels smarter than you actually likely are. I know some real dummies with an English accent and that is not how they are perceived in the world.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

That's fair. I do too. But you know what? A dumb and British sounds better. I'll be honest versus dumb and bright British.

[Zach]

They have good voices.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

One of them rolls better.

[Zach]

They really do. Even like a guy, you know, a Guy Ritchie movie about like terrible, trashy people has great dialogue.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, yeah, it's fantastic. And that's, you know, a lot of the Appalachian dialect and the accent. At least my people, where my people come from, it all comes from Scotland. And a lot of the way they speak and everything over there. I'll watch, you know, like TikTok videos and stuff of Scottish car guys.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

And I can get about every third word. I'm like, I'm hanging in there. You know what I mean?

[Zach]

Scotland is great if you, if you. I'm sure you.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I've not been.

[Zach]

Yeah, you must. You. I mean, you'd have been to any places.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

So I traveled with the oil field and then the other bulk of my traveling has been entertaining the military and they don't go fun places. So I've been all over the Middle East. I've been to, you know, Korea, I mean, just. But nowhere fun.

[Zach]

Scotland, well, you know, they've got the comedy festival in Edinburgh. You is worth your time. It's a great.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Planning a trip this year we were supposed to be going to. I was supposed to be going to Ireland and doing some shows in Ireland and then finishing that up with a few shows. They couldn't get me in Fringe Fest, but I was going to do like a weekend show at. Right at the end of Fringe Fest and one of the shows got pushed due to anti American sentiment. Oh, shit.

[Zach]

What was the date of that show? Let's see if we can tie it to.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

What they were talking about was about four months ago. Right. And all of a sudden they lost interest in doing the show.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

They were like, we have enough democracy.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I was like, tell them to get past my accent. Listen to material.

[Zach]

I'm okay.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I'm one of the good ones.

[Zach]

Oh, my God. You know, Jeff Tate, he goes through that too.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

You met Jeff? I haven't met him, but he's got

[Zach]

an accent similar to yours, and he is left of me, and he really confuses the out of people.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

We were, like, trying to put all this together, and then I got these 62C dropped on me, and I was like, well, maybe. Maybe there'll be less anti American sentiment next year. We can take another swing at it in 2027. Oh, boo.

[Zach]

Don't. Don't rain on our comics, Scotland. It's not the comics, I assure you.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

It was the Ireland. It was the Ireland shows that took a turn. The Scotland show was still on. He was excited. He was really disappointed.

[Zach]

I really like the Irish prime minister. He brings his big ass dog everywhere he goes. He's a fucking g, this guy. He's got a huge dog that just go everywhere this dude goes.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Irish wolfhounds or something like that.

[Zach]

I don't know, but it's a norm. It's an enormous, like, you know, mountain

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

dog, one of them big ass Wuthering Heights dogs. Those dogs are as tall as a car.

[Zach]

Yeah, it's like never ending story dog.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I had to do so, like, during the pandemic, I got. I was getting booked to do all these weird zoom shows. And, you know, as a comic, we were all just scrabbling to stay alive. And I sold my business right before the pandemic so I could go do comedy full time again. Literally. Sold our house, our cars, our tr. The trailers, the shop. I had a foundation, repair business, construction business. Sold all that, moved back to the City November of 2019, and do comedy full time. Things went rough, honey.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

I'm gonna perform in front of live audiences every day. I'm gonna work this material.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Brutal, dude. And so I started doing these zoom calls, zoom shows and this group. It was this really trippy situation, man. I have to tell y', all, the first. Do you got a minute so I can tell you this story? Cause this craziest thing I've ever been through in my life. So right before the pandemic, I'm out there beating the streets in Houston, trying to get my way back in the scene, starting over from scratch. I'd been out of comedy for a few years, and the scene turns over like that, so nobody knew who I was. I'm doing the open mics. I'm starting to do some paid shows and contest stuff, and I see this ad on Facebook. It says, clean Comedy Contest, downtown Houston. And the first place is 500 bucks. And I was like, wow, well, I could use me $500 right now. And so I went down there, cocky enough I was gonna go ahead and win it. And I get in there and it's called the Heinz Spirituality Center. Right?

[Zach]

Okay.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

And I'm like, what is this? And there's yoga mats everywhere and fountains. And I'm not sure. Things feel a little off, but I'm pretty open minded, guys. I'm like, let's just see where this goes. And the director comes out and meets me. And I was like, yeah, I'm here to do the clean comedy Contest. And she goes, well, nobody else showed up, so you win. And I was like, okay. So she me the $500 for first place just for showing up. Then she gives me the $250 Visa gift card for second place. And then the third place is like a steak dinner. Real nice steakhouse. And yeah, I'm like, score. Right?

[Zach]

Second and third, baby.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Let's go. She's like the winner of the contest. We're doing a special event for our members. We have about 400 members, and we're doing a special event for them tonight. We want you to come open for this touring contest. He's a guy out of la, can't remember his name. Justin Nava, I think, or something. He's a cruise ship comic at the time. We're gonna have you open for him. I said, cool. Cool, man. So I go home, take, give my wife the money. Look what I done, you know, look what I did. Walked out, come back for 750. I told his comedy thing's gonna pay off. We're gonna be fine. Right? I killed him. Go back down to there. Oh, that was great.

[Zach]

They were even funny.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

What's funny is I posted on Facebook that I won first, second, and third place and then all the five other Clean comics. And usually like, well, I didn't even know about this thing. I'm like, yeah, you didn't. So I go back there that night, and I go in there and there's all these people and they're sitting in the folding chairs and they start having this conversation about spirituality. And we're upstairs and they're giving us these crazy energy drinks from overseas that I don't know what's in them.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

And I can't believe Comet arrives soon. So please take a sip.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

This lady looks out at everybody. She goes, okay, so before we enjoy the comedy stylings of Jerry Wayne Longmire, and our good friend Justin from la, we're going to have a laugh meditation. And I'm like, I'm choking on my whatever the hell energy drink. Like, did I just join a cult? What is happening? You know?

[Zach]

And I was like, kratom, you're like.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

She goes out there and she does this thing. She goes, okay, right now, close your eyes. Close your eyes. Breathe in deeply. I want you to take all the problems, all those conversations you've been having in your head today, and I want you to just visualize those walking to the door, all those unfinished conversations. And I'm like, what is happening? I'm up there. I'm biting a hole. I'm biting a hole in my lip. I'm like, what is happening? She goes, okay, now give me a light chuckle. And like, robots, these people. And I'm like, what is happening? And then she goes, all right, now let's work it up to a medium throaty laugh. And she does it. She goes all the way to Gafal and these people on command. Every time she tells them to do something, I'm like, I'm coming down the elevator to go on stage. She's getting ready to announce, and I'm like, what have I done to myself? What have I gotten involved in? And she throws me up on stage and just destroy the place. Because that's the best opener I ever had in my life. I'm like, what's happening?

[Zach]

They had to be taught the appropriate amount of laughter for each moment.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

But we finished that show up and everything. And then the pandemic starts. And like six months later, I hear from the Heinz Spirituality center, they said, we want to do a zoom show for all our members again and we'll pay. They were going to give me, like, 1200 bucks, and I was going to stand on my patio, on my apartment and do this zoom comedy show. And I had only done a few of these things, and they're like, just do something relevant to the pandemic. And every comic was doing pandemic jokes at the time, and I didn't want to do that. So me and my wife had just been binge watching Netflix like everybody else and drinking. So I just did 45 minutes of Grey's Anatomy jokes. And I can see.

[Zach]

Fortunately, they were programmed to laugh. Exactly.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I can see them all on the screen, right? And I watch them, but these people are just sitting in their houses and stuff. And there's this lady with one of them big old. It's not an Irish. This one wasn't Irish. Wolfhound. What is those?

[Zach]

The bird?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Whippet. Whippet. Those, like, sleek looking greyhound, crazy with the crazy long legs. And the whippet is watching me. And every time the whippet loses interest, I don't even care about the people. I'm concerned about why I've lost the dog, right? And I keep getting the dog back, and it keeps giving me hope because in the pandemic, we're all feeling weird, we're going through something. And I was, you know, all this anxiety.

[Zach]

My material's not working on dogs,

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

right? On my closure, I do this big closure, and they're all laughing. And before I do the final punch on the closure, the whippet gets up and walks out of the screen. And I'm like, I lost the dog. What the hell? I come in the house and I'm just crushed. And my wife's like, what? I'm like, I lost the whippet.

[Zach]

Bombed in front of the dog. Crowd loved it. Dog hated it. That's crazy.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

True weirdo fashion. Those people, she. She's like, we're also going to give you Jerry's Venmo, if you'd like to tip him for the show. And me and my wife, we have a couple drinks, go to bed, wake up next morning, there's like five grand in my Venmo account because these people are just sending me money all night.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Oh, these shows are amazing.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I was like, what is that, dude? That's awesome, you know?

[Zach]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Well, they don't need their possessions because they're moving on soon.

[Zach]

That's what you. I mean, you got paid for the awkwardness of that.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

That's.

[Zach]

That was an awkwardness bonus of this. This 100% of this feels weird as hell. And I'd rather not do it, but.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

And also those people saw a show nobody else will ever see. I promise you that. I promise you. Nobody There. There's like three of those jokes that made it into the Kurt special, and they're. They're just little short ones, you know,

[Guest or Additional Participant]

all the ones that the dog liked.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah. Facts, actually. Facts. All three of them. All three of them won the whippet.

[Zach]

If you want, you can try some material on my cats later.

[Matt Farah]

We'll see.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

You know, they're tough sometimes. Cadence and the way your voice sounds. And that whippet. Sure. Like the way I said sub neural hematoma.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Like the women overseas. You know,

[Zach]

I remember back in the day because you kind of. You do it, you have a take on it, and you're in the wrecking yard from when I was a little kid, Jeff Foxworthy, and one of his huge specials was talking about his accent. And he's like, he's like, it's just, it's all the accent. It's always a problem. He's like, even if you're you, you know, you need to have brain surgery. You know, you go to the best surgeon in Georgia and they go, now what we gon do is. And you just go, get me out.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

You know, get me out of here. That whole the nuclear inspector bit and the voice of reassurance bit was like the second joke I ever wrote when I started standup. And then I didn't do it for like years. I wrote the joke and I was like, that's too wordy. Nobody's gonna sit and listen to all that. And it was like years later, I was hanging out with another comic and I just kind of was telling him about this bit I'd written one time. He goes, why aren't you doing it on stage? I was like, I don't know, man.

[Zach]

Stories are in now, bro.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, but, you know, when I started, it was all about laughs per minute, you know, and everybody was trying to, everybody was trying to dial that in to get that, get that kind of flow. And that was how you got TV spots. Back then the business model was get

[Zach]

on Carson or whatever.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

You wanted to get the B room solid. You wanted to be working the B to make enough money to get you from place to place. And then you were trying to get guest spots at the A rooms, feature gigs at the A rooms. And then you were auditioning for TV spots and radio spots. Because if you could get one of those, get enough credits off something like that, that could get you headline in the A room. And that was the four before social media. That was the, that was the business model. And so we were all chasing that, every one of us. So some older comic comes in the green room, go, you need seven laughs per minute to get on tv. We're all, we're sitting there tearing our sets down, trying to figure out how to get that seven laughs per minute. And it's. I don't chase that anymore. And the funny part about not chasing it anymore is I got it now without chasing it.

[Zach]

That's good.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

You know what I mean? It's like now I just tell the stories. But I've learned over the years of writing, you know, 20 years of writing short punchlines teaches you how to write a seven minute story that just bat, bat, bat, bat, bat constantly.

[Zach]

Do you find? I find some of the best. Not just comics, but radio personalities were like these sort of blue collar type guy. Like my friend Carl, who was a chef, who was one of the funniest people. And actually like, he turned out to be kind of a lunatic. But Anthony Kumia of Opie and Anthony back in the day.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

Who was. He's an H. He was an H Vac guy that Opie found and he had just was unbelievable at doing voice impressions.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

There's so many of those people. But I grew up on those job sites. That's what I'm saying.

[Matt Farah]

Site.

[Zach]

The fucking one guy is like entertaining everybody. You know what?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

The one sketch I keep writing, and I've written several versions of it, I haven't done it, but I want to do it as a series. But every job site ever worked on, there was some guy that talked like me, that knew everything. You know what I mean? There was some guy, you go reach for a file and he'd be like, you know, the Phoenicians invented files. He never seemed to do anything, but he always knew the answer to everything. And I was like, those. Those redneck savants, you know what I mean, guys?

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Appalachian autism kind of thing.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

He build you a working engine with a chicken. I love those dudes. And we had those growing up, all those. And then the great one with the cars was always, if you spend any time in rural America, you know, somebody whose uncle or granddaddy bought a car from Ford one time and it got 40 miles a gallon, then they took it back to Ford and they fixed the magic carburetor on it and it never did it again. Or he bought a Chrysler that ran on water and he drove it for two weeks and couldn't put gas. And how many times have you heard that crazy story? It was a hydrogen powered Studebaker. You know, the one that I.

[Zach]

That is in my family lore is my grandfather who was living in New Jersey with my dad's family from New Jersey. There's a huge hill and they lived at the bottom of this big fucking hill. It was like two miles of, you know, 8, 9% grade. When he got. When Grandpa got the 57 Thunderbird, he had the. He got the Thunderbird.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Hell yeah.

[Zach]

It could go. It was, I don't know, two, two speed auto or a three speed auto or some.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

It could go up that hill on

[Zach]

East Clinton in idle. That was it. It could idle and. And the whole time I'm going, who idled the whole way up this hill? Imagine the traffic jam you would cause Idling a T bird up this strange test. Who even did this in order to brag about it?

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Before they measured 0 to 60, they measured.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

This sounded like a Cuban Cadillac the whole time. It was crazy. The old Russian diesel engine. Oh, my God.

[Zach]

It's not the crazy. The craziest family lore involves my great grandfather murdering a guy. But, you know, we don't know about that.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got a bunch of them. So my grandpa owned the wrecking yard. His name was Bobby Clark. He was a rounder, right? And there's this little bar, so east, you know, East Texas, very small, lightly populated. There's a little bar in Kilgore, Texas, called Miss Katie's. And Miss Katie was just your typical, old. Just rural barfly old gal that owned her little place, and she had it for a long time. And she had a big old plate glass window on the front of that bar. And the story was that my papa all got bent out of shape some fell over a poked game and picked him up and throwed him out that plate glass window. In the 80s, right? He dies in 96 and 99. I'm hanging around Kilgore with my Uncle Bobby, and he's like, hey, they're playing three card poker at Miss Katie's, where I go over there and get in the game. So we go over there and we sit down, and everybody back home calls me Pooh Bear. That was my nickname that he'd give me. And sit down and she said. Ms. Katie looks over at me, she says, who's this? Who's this Pooh Bear? He's like, that's my nephew. She goes, that's Sherry Kay's kid. And he said, yeah, yeah, yeah. She looked at me, she goes, how's your granddaddy doing? And he'd been dead for a few years. So I was like, not great. And she goes, will you tell him I'm still waiting for him to come fix that plate glass window? I was like, this woman's been waiting for three decades.

[Zach]

Nice when you find out it's true.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Yeah.

[Zach]

We had one of our good friends was banned from a local bar here for life after punching a guy.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

That's it.

[Zach]

And he was banned from. Yeah, banned.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Y' all got different rules here.

[Zach]

Yeah, right.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

It was gonna result in a fatality to get you banned in Texas.

[Zach]

Some more bars. And I took him back, like 10 years later. He went back. We tried to get. It's been 10 years long. He didn't make it two steps into the bar before you Heard from the way back. Get the fuck out of here, Tom. Life means life.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

That's fantastic.

[Zach]

The two steps you made in the front fucking door.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I love that somebody you. You whittled your way into their brain. You're living there rent free. It wasn't for anybody.

[Zach]

Yeah, it was my boy, but yeah, fuck me, yeah. So when you first started touring, what was your road car?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

My first time back in the early 2000s was a. I started out with a 94F150 and that got untenable real quick after the third AOD I had to put in it and I swapped out to a Hyundai Accent. It was a 1999 Hyundai Accent. And I will tell you this. I have nothing ugly to say about the good people of Hyundai because I beat the I. Absolutely. If. If my grandfather knew the damage I'd done that car, he'd come out of the grave and slapped the sound out of my ear, you know what I mean? It was. I. I don't think I ever checked oil. Not in area. One time blew the transmission in up in it at 98,000 miles. And Hyundai just rebuilt the transmission, no questions asked. Went back to a little three cylinder. And I remember one time I drove this is early 2000 gas prices. Yeah. Mine was black and it had melted crayons in the passenger seat.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

That's what it's made of.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

And I'd gotten it from a single mom, and I drove it from Houston to Denver and back one time on like $88. Yeah, that's back when that's what you had, you know, I mean, I sold two T shirts so I could get food on the way home for days.

[Zach]

No, these are Zach dreams. Drove one of these 1,000 miles off road.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Yep.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Really?

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Yeah, I bought it for 600 bucks. The ignition was a toggle switch attached to the dashboard. And we did an off road trip and I bought one of these and it was fine.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Like a gambler style thing.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Yeah, exactly.

[Zach]

We did before the gambler was a thing. We copied Top Gear effectively and we flew to a city and we had to go on Craigslist and type in the words running car and whatever you could get for that. And so he bought that and I bought a Toyota Previa.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Nice.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Yeah.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

How's the Previa handle?

[Zach]

The Previa was awesome. It may have made it.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

It made the whole thing three times more expensive than the actual.

[Zach]

It was. I think it was 1800, bro.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I was walking down Sunset yesterday and seen a 1988 Mercury Sable station wagon. Pristine. It was the clean it looked like it rolled off the showroom floor. And I was like, what a weird thing for somebody to keep.

[Zach]

Maybe they just inherited it from their grandma.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

That's what it looked like. Houston, you see a lot of these, especially the young folks right now. One of the things they can swing around and buy are these estate sales or these late 80s, early 90s Buicks. And about half of them got a 350 in them and stuff.

[Zach]

You know, buddy fucking rocked the Roadmaster wagon for a minute.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

There was a guy. So the last time I went to Lemons race, there was a guy that had the one with the crazy sunroofs and everything. You know, like the big, almost like a glass roof in it.

[Zach]

That's like a Vista Cruiser.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, yeah. It was insane. But it was also the 350. It was just a solid car. And I was like, man, that's a really clean one. What'd you pay for it? And he said, 6500. And I was like, I can't talk to you more because that's crazy. I don't care how rare those cars get. There's a difference. I always hate this. Oh, it's rare. Well, it's rare because nobody wanted it to begin with.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

It's not good.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

It's not a good rare. Yugos are rare. But those are sought after now, which is insane. Insane to me.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Ironically, they're sought after. Ironically.

[Zach]

Radwood, you know, we've seen Radwood. Yeah, yeah. The 80s 90s Radwood has made it so you could, you could find a mint condition fucking Pontiac 6000 somewhere and win a trophy with that. Yeah, you could show up and win a trophy with that. So there, it's, it's, it's bolstered the that market just enough to go. This car should be worth two grand, but I could get it for seven and I might win a trophy with it.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Now next week, Fox bodies have become crazy work.

[Matt Farah]

Sure.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

What is. There's no. I mean, you mean. We both love Fox bodies. They're cool.

[Zach]

I know, but it's a $20,000 cool. And, and I stopped myself from spending.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

It was reasonable. They're not even $30,000, 90s dollars cool to me.

[Zach]

No, I agree, they're not. I love them because they're muscle cars, but they're small. Like, that's that to me.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I just love the way they drove. Like I said, I had two or three of them and it was just so easy. Handle and get. Not just straight line. You could get out there on the Bendy roads and have some fun in that machine.

[Zach]

Every problem with a fox body has been solved by two dozen different people at this point.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah. And maybe a hack with a welder so medium you can figure out yourself. You just tried different my 86. I don't know how many times. I twisted it so bad the hatchback wouldn't shut. And we'd take it over my buddy's brain shop and twist it back, weld some more crap on subframe.

[Zach]

No, dude. After, you know, I showed you the pictures of my black one, but after I, you know, spent a bunch of money having maximum motorsports and all these guys build me this car because I can't turn a wrench for shit.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

I'll change a tire. I could probably do brakes if I was forced to. I could do a few other basic things if I was. If I really had to. But you don't really want me wrenching your car, and I don't enjoy it, but. So I have people build my shit. After I spent all this money, had a great driving car. It was really nice. Like, the next week I went and I drove one of our friends home. Built fucking hacksaws and welders and whatever other interchangeable Ford parts he could just find to stick on there. And it drove the same. It drove 95% the same, to be honest. Oh, my God. I just spent so much money to have it drive like every other fast

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

body on the planet. That's the thing that kills me, man, is like, I see these guys, guys go dump 30 or 40 grand. These square body pickups, and they don't do anything to the suspension. I'm like, those things drove like crap to begin with.

[Zach]

We all like a C10 with an LS7 or something in it.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Like, best of luck, 700 horsepower, but you can't stop it. Good luck, bro.

[Zach]

Dude. Or like a 50s where the fucking steering wheels, like, you're like, what the fuck?

[Matt Farah]

What is this?

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Yeah.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah. I Briefly had a 64 Ford Falcon that the lunatic that built the 289. For this car, I could. We didn't have dyno money. We were just poor kids in east Texas running stuff. But I bought that car for a thousand dollars. And it was one my dad forced me to sell. Oh, like. Like I was 18. My dad was like, you're gonna die.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Those can be real fast.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

It was just a missile. It had nothing. It had the front seats and that's it. It was just a tin box with just a. Just a rock Crusher and a 289. And you know, the rear end was set up right, Some big old fat tires on it, but it was literally just an empty beer can.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

I was in a muscle car club in high school. I had a 65 Pontiac with like a 400 in it and stuff, so. But all our cars sounded fast but weren't. And someone today sent me a picture of like a 95 intrepid. They were trying to make fun of it, and I was like, dude, we used to take that car from my friend's dad, and we thought it was awesome because it was faster than our loud muscle car. So what you want is for a high school kid and is like, loud but slow.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

But you had a real car. Yeah. This thing.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Crazy.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah. The other ones I had were. I had like a 72F100, had a big block in it, but 18 second quarter mile. A good day, you know what I mean? But so much stuff that we thought was fast. Like in the 90s, we. You know, there was a couple 14, 13 second fox bodies, but those guys were running.

[Zach]

You got a.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Those were the 12s. You were crazy.

[Zach]

You had slicks.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I remember the first time, that Fast and Furious movie, they were talking about nine second cars. I was like, that's 180 mile an hour car. What are you talking about? Yeah, nobody has that on the street. And now you got Toyota camrys that'll run 13s from the factory.

[Zach]

I have. I've run. I've run an eight on the street in a streetcar before. I. In the Rimac Nevera, which is the electric hypercar. I ran an 88 on the road

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

and I did it.

[Zach]

And it's silent. It was so.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

That's so offsetting to me.

[Zach]

It was so nonchalant. I turned around and just did it again the other way. Like, you can just do that shit.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I had a client let me drive his Tesla, and it was the same. He had one of those little Teslas. I don't follow him very tightly, but he had one of those little Tesla sports cars. And he's like, man, you want to drive this thing? And I was like. I was like, sure, sure. So. And he. It was like a new development neighborhood. So it was just a long straightaway asphalt out in the woods, like two miles worth. And I was like, well, I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna put this thing to the test. I let off. I was like, okay, this is stupid. I can't hear nothing. Yelling at me, telling me to stop. Like an engine, you know, 7,000 RPMs tells you go, hey, think about your life.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Think about your life. Really?

[Zach]

No, it's. So you're. You're absolutely. You're totally right.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

We're doing.

[Zach]

Just talking about this on the last show, I was saying that I thought when a thousand horsepower electric. I was thinking, you can't just sell this to people. People are gonna crash them all over the place.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

It's a rocket.

[Zach]

But by and large, that actually hasn't happened. The crashing. All the crashing because of the horsepower.

[Matt Farah]

Right.

[Zach]

And whoever. Was it just you? I forget who we were talking to if it was just you, but the discussion was effectively. People get scared.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

It was you. Yeah.

[Zach]

People just get scared at the same speed they would get scared at in a gas car and they bail out.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah. Your brain gets the same information about data being processed. It's like, this is too. When I can't differentiate trees and cars, then I gotta let off.

[Zach]

Well, so that's. I mean, that's part of why it's hard to drive an electric car around a racetrack really fast, is because without RPMs and you go, well, this is a third gear corner.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

This is a fourth gear corner. When you have that engine feel that pull to let you know when to lay into something.

[Zach]

Reference points.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, it's the same thing. The thing that scares me to death and I still really want to ride one, are the electric motorcycles. Oh, we've been the little electric dirt bikes and some of that stuff Pastrana was testing.

[Zach]

They rip, dude.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Just instant. You're just there, you're there. There's no pull on it. No wait for that two stroke to build power. There's no power band. It's just power band. You just go.

[Zach]

They're super fun. Super fun.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

But it's gotta be discomfort because of the lack of sound.

[Zach]

It's a little weird, but it's super fun. Except that when you're. When you look like you or when you look like me, they only go about half as far on charge as whoever says they will. So you gotta really, really even, you know the. The livewire, which is the Harley Davidson electric one, which.

[Matt Farah]

How long are you in town for?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I'm leaving out Saturday.

[Zach]

If you go to. There's a livewire dealer in Malibu. If you wanted something to do, go out to Malibu, check out where the fires burned all the houses. And there's a livewire store. You can take one for a ride. They have. You can check it out for like an hour. It's really, really cool. And it feels like flying a glider

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

is what it feels like that's what

[Zach]

it looks like, which is an awesome vibe. It really, really, really is a very fun feeling. But the fucking range gates goes down so fast.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I like some of those adventure bikes. I was like, man, if you could get out on a trail with that, or if you weren't going very far, you know, like a 10 mile trail or whatever, but what kind of day would that be? Just to get off in your head and get out there and just rip up a trail on one of those,

[Zach]

those guys up in the mountains.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

You watch Fortnite, you know that channel, they do amazing, brilliant motorcycle reviews, like cinematography, writing jokes, jokes, all of it. But they reviewed one of the electric trail bikes and it was like, it's fantastic because you have that torque from zero, so climbing things or whatever is so easy. But he was riding it in the snow also. And if you get a little too much wheel spin, like you kind of bury yourself and then of course. But like, I mean, we've, we've done a lot of like ev. Off roading and having no sound other than like tires crunching and just whatever's happening around you is magical.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, yeah. It seems like you could really get off in your head, dude.

[Zach]

Off roading, a Rivian is so nice, silent and you put the windows down

[Matt Farah]

and you hear little birds chirping and all this stuff.

[Zach]

It's fabulous.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Really, really cool. I always loved the, the Baja 1000 races and all this stuff, but I was like, I was like, man, I seeing somebody really pull that off electric like on a big scale would be really cool because it'd be kind of wild. Just see that truck bouncing. They have a couple people tried it and they haven't really.

[Zach]

King of the Hammers, King of the Hamm has got a couple electric entries now. It's not as long as Baja, but it's still pretty hardcore.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, they have off road hammers is insanity.

[Zach]

If you haven't been out there, it's worth your time.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I've watched it a lot. I'm like, what are you doing? Who come up with this?

[Zach]

Dude, forget the race. Just being there for the nighttime shenanigans and bananas.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Really, really, really nuts. That's a really good time.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

That's what's kind of funny to me. So I do, I work with the world of outlaws. It's kind of like a brand dad bus for them and with their late model series and their Sprint. And when I was a teenager growing up, so dirt track was king in Texas where I grew up and everything was Circle track, dirt track, racing ovals, stuff like that. And when I was going to those back then after the races, it was insanity out there at the race grounds. But it's like, I don't know if we've all aged, but it's just so quiet, low key. Now after the races at the dirt track, everybody's like, I gotta get some sleep. We got a lot to do in the car tomorrow.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

What was the insanity before? Like, just partying.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

It. Yeah, it was just. It just used to be wilder, you know, Dirt track used to be a little less civilized. And I'm all for some civilization in some aspects, like as far as standardization and rules and things like that, basic safety. But I miss a little bit of that Wild Bill Hickok attitude. You know, the Sammy Swindell and those guys.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Do you think more people now I

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

wouldn't mind getting out of the car and punching somebody.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Do you think more people think it'll be a feeder into professional oval racing versus back in the day, it was just like something glory definitely on the spot.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Sprint car side, you see that definitely on the sprint car. But those, you know, look at what it costs to run a sprint car now you're almost in. You're right there. You know, you're just a hair shy of spending the money. Those guys and honestly, late models gotten the engines are running just as much as the sprint car guys now. I mean, you know, used to be you spend 50 grand, you had a pretty decent sprint car engine, but that's $120,000 engine right now. And late model guys are spending the same. It's crazy, man.

[Zach]

That's a lot of money.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Some of the late model guys, like when you look at the structure of the payouts and stuff and outlaws does pretty good and some of the other series do pretty good. But some of those guys who are like trying to do the national circuit, I'm like, you're no different in a stand up comic. You're just gambling, bro. You're just going door deal to door deal, trying to make a living top five. Yeah, but you gotta perform, you know what I mean? So much pressure and it's crazy. Dirt trash is so different from asphalt in that. Yeah, the asphalt check changes during the day. Right. You got heat and moisture and all that can change the asphalt track during the day. But the dirt track is dynamic from start to finish. The track you run heat laps on is not the same animal that you run the feature on because that thing's full of hard rubber and it's been Laid down all night. Now there's a big old cushion built up on top. These guys have to go out and reread the track and then hopefully make the right adjustments, Reset the car up before the feature. And trying to be consistent in a series like that, I just think requires a crew that just.

[Zach]

It's a big burden for.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

You need some people on the spectrum.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Right?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

You know what I mean?

[Guest or Additional Participant]

They'll touch the dirt and just know what's happening.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I met a dude one of the last tracks I was at. I went out and did a racetrack up in Wisconsin actually going called Mississippi's Thunder. Went up and did this race series up there for the late Model series. And I hung out with one of the tire guys from one of the crews. And it's a driver that's doing really well right now. His tire guy could go back on the trailer and look at the wear on the tires and tell me what track they run them on.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Wow, that's really cool.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

That's what you need, that guy.

[Zach]

That's crazy.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

But that's intelligence. I didn't come out of the womb possession. That's more.

[Zach]

For about five or six years, I was such a big fan of the band Pearl Jam. Still a big fan. Fucking wearing the T shirt. But for five or six years, I was such a big fan that when the guitar techs would come out and give the band the guitars for the next song, I knew what the song was gonna be by what guitars they passed them.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Ah, you had it dialed in. You knew what they were bringing out.

[Zach]

And I could do it with probably 90 accuracy throughout.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

A crazy video of Eddie better. Like when his mic cord gets hung up somewhere up in the overhead thing and he. He climbs. He's like 30ft off the ground, hanging out these rafters and sing it up.

[Zach]

Like that was the thing he did a lot. Yeah, he was pretty out of his mind in the early 90s.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Great performer. Yeah.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I still enjoy him quite a bit.

[Zach]

But speaking. Speaking of fucking crazy, possible shit show racing, you know, Zach and I next Friday in Connecticut are doing one of the Cletus McFarland Crown Vic races.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Oh, that's the New England. That looks like so much fun.

[Zach]

They have all the cars there. You can't touch them, can't modify them, can't even change the tire pressures. They set them all up.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

So you just pay an entry fee or something?

[Zach]

Not even. They invite us. They invite you to drive because they sell this shit on pay per view. That's the money they sell. They invite Guys to come drive's a genius.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

He really is the empire he has built.

[Zach]

Very smart.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

And he seems to be. I've never met him, but he's talked to me a couple times on Facebook and he just seems to be a genuinely nice guy. I'll be honest, when I saw him on the ARCA races for the first time, I was like, man, this is kind of cool. It's like, it's like watching your neighbor as a dirt tracker all of a sudden get to go run nightly. You couldn't help but root for the guy. And then when everybody. When the older guys started talking crap about it, I was like, oh, he is cementing himself into my brain as my new favorite just because you guys hate him, you know, and he's doing pretty well.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

And like when he did the. The stadium super truck stuff a couple years ago and he got second and he was leading the race against legitimate pros for most of the race until he spun it, it became, oh, this guy isn't just a YouTuber who owns a track and like does silly driver. He can.

[Zach]

Well, it turns out that owning a track is good for very practice.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

But even. Even though that damn drag car he built that they're selling, you know, they're sell people giving it grief, I was like, do you see how fast that car is? He's got kids. Get the guy a break. Can you run a six?

[Zach]

He ran a six.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, it's. It's crazy work. That car was so.

[Zach]

But like, okay. By the way, this race, it's like me and Zach and like half the field are NASCAR drivers, like actual professional racing drivers. And we are. Boy, are we going to get our

[Guest or Additional Participant]

ass, you know, contact. I don't.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, but how much fun are you going best?

[Zach]

Dude, are you kidding me? So it's on. It's tarmac. It's Stafford.

[Matt Farah]

Stafford Motor Speedway in Connecticut.

[Zach]

Not dirt cars have some on dirt. They put spray in the car. Yeah, I'm. I'm so excited for this. So we're. We got. Let's just suffice to say we got a hotel room near the track just in case it turns into a shit show after.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I'm glad they're using Crown Vicks for this now because for a long time time just. Just criminals were buying them. And I don't know how many joints I've thrown out over. Imagine police officers running up behind me on the highway at night. And it's just. It's not Popo, it's Paco. You know what I mean?

[Zach]

For free. Five years this Zach had an ex detective car. And the seas parted.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Yeah, people moved out of the way on the highway. It saved me a lot of time.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

There was a minute man, I'd be running down 45 on the way back for a gig.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Crap.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Throw that thing out. Everything that they come by, one wheel hanging off like it's got a smoke

[Guest or Additional Participant]

billowing out the window because it smells like weed.

[Zach]

Now it's the Explorers. Yeah, now everyone's buying the Explorers and, and, and leaving the searchlights on the side of them and looking all shady. Dude, you know, I saw a crowd. A Crown Vic cop car in LA like a week ago

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

in circulation.

[Zach]

No, no, a black and white.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Really?

[Zach]

Yeah, I saw a black and white crown.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

You should have stabbed a picture of that. That's rare.

[Zach]

I was like, must have gotten straight hosed.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

I've had cops tell me they like the, they like the Vicks better than the Explorers. They're faster, they're, they're like, they're stronger. You can go over curbs. I mean they say these things. I go, what?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, I would rather have the Vic over the Explorer. Cuz that thing that I don't want,

[Zach]

an Explorer front wheel drive based Explorer.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

The Vic was the pit king. It was the king. That's what they invented the pit maneuver with, was the ground Vic.

[Zach]

The Charger is the toughest though. The Charger looks the best.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

So when, when I, I remember when all the, the state troopers in Texas had the notch back five O's and I can remember thinking I was just. I had this 77 Datsun 280Z and it had a Rebella. It had a Rebella build in it. And it was crazy story how we had gotten the car. But my dad had it for a while. I bought it from him. And the rest of the car was falling apart, but the thing would run, you know, it'd just straight, get it? And I was hauling down the highway one night in Galveston, outside of Galveston. And I forgot what they call that area. Bolivar. So over in Bolivar, and I didn't see him. I came over a little rise and I was probably running about 90 when I came over this little rise and I saw this little 5.0 GT sitting on the side. Little 5.0 notch back on the side of the road, black and white. And I was like, I was like, man, time he gets that car out of the ditch, I'm gonna be gone.

[Zach]

Rear wheels on gravel. 4 speed beat auto.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I dropped it in the 4th. It just railed on that Z car. And I just remember, I was like, he's done, you know, And I saw a cloud of dust back there where he was trying to get off the shoulder. And then he was on me. It was so fast. How fast?

[Zach]

You were wrong.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, I just heard this. And I look back at this dude's in my rear view and I'm like, all right, shut it down.

[Zach]

You so funny.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

When I was in high school, one of my friends had a. I had a friend named Igor who. He's the only person who had a real job in high school. So he was like a computer scientist, programming for companies at night. So he had a real job with real money. Rest of us were working at a candy store. And so Igor, you know, saves a bunch of money and we're all into cars. He's not. And he's like, what should I get? And my friends find him a Volkswagen Rabbit that had a 10, 10 point cage built engine like Kirky seats. I'm like, you should get this. And he's like, okay. Because he doesn't know any better. So we basically used his money to buy ourselves a race car, street legal. And me and my friend Eric are driving it up in the Santa Cruz mountains because Igor just let us borrow it. And we're coming down daytime down this big straightaway. And as we come down the hill, we look to the right and there's a sheriff. We just go. And then Eric, we go around the corner and he's not slowing down, but he's checking the rear view. And I go, are we running right now? And he says, he's like, I don't know, like, okay. And we just kept cooking at the speed we were cooking. And we went all the way to my house, parked it in the driveway, and we were like, we thought we were in Goodfellows, you know, looking for helicopters and shit.

[Zach]

But if you don't see them chasing you, you're not running. That's the sign.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

You're not running until you see the lights. And all I saw was a cloud of dust. He may have been going the other way, I don't know. Yeah, but I saw them lights real quick. They got up on me real quick.

[Zach]

I remember when the cops in. When in north of New York, in the suburbs where I live, when the cops, they got some f body Camaros in like the late 90s, and they were like, these will do 145 miles an hour. No one's getting away from me. And at the time I had a Corvette. I was like, my car does like 180. I was like, this won't be a problem at all. And that was actually the thought process.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I'm gonna take y' all to lunch.

[Zach]

I did not test the theory. I never had to run from the cops.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

But yeah, I was. So when they all started going to the front wheel driving Impalas, I was like, oh, now y' all are just relying on the computer to catch everybody. I got you. I see what's happening now. It was always when they had those Mustang 5 O's. Every once in a while you would see a Ford Taurus, like a SHO state trooper car. And we used to always say, well, you were talking about those other cars. Like, they must have had to spar for car placement. Some dude just got his ass handed to him. You got to drive the tourists today.

[Zach]

That was real post Robocop.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

The tour. The tourists.

[Zach]

Oh, yeah, no, the ones from like, like 2010 you're talking about.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

No, no, no. This back in the 90s.

[Zach]

Oh, man.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Kind of squarish headlights and everything.

[Zach]

CONAN O'.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Brien. Yeah. It still didn't look cool. Even as a cop car. It was. It was like, okay.

[Zach]

But they used them in. In the 80s, they used them as future movie cop cars. Just like off the line.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, that car is crazy in how it sold. Like, so I do a lot of research into, like, I do another series that I've just started. It's called Lot Legends, where I just go nerd out about one particular. Like, I did AMC Eagle and I did the original Subaru. Yeah, yeah, the original. Every car you're driving now, the original stupid car. If you hate all these egg cars, blame amc. They started this. Every car comes. My wife's Cadillac SRX is nothing but an AMC Eagle with worse electronics and the. So I've done a couple of these. Like, I did one on the Ford 9 in tractor, which is like one of the first tractors that fit a certain residential market. And they did all these craz numbers and the Kawasaki Mach 2H1. Mach 2. Mach 3. H1, Mach 3. Remember that? The two stroke, the motorcycle, the widowmaker. Yeah, these things like that. And so I go in, I'd go down these rabbit holes of reading about, you know, how many times was this car produced, who was buying them, and this. That crap. And the numbers on the Ford Taurus are absolutely just insanity.

[Zach]

And how many.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

They dominate the market for like nearly a decade until the Toyota Camry gained. And then the Toyota Camry took over that sedan market.

[Zach]

Three and on.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Yeah, over 8 million since Taurus's inception.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Isn't that crazy? Yeah.

[Zach]

From whatever, 84.85 to like 90.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

From 92 to 01, it was the America's best selling car.

[Zach]

92 to 01, the Taurus one.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Yeah.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Wow. It took it. I guess it did take a while for the Camrys to pick up because. Because when the Camry got rounded and sort of started resembling the Lexus L92, it took until those cars got. Till they're like third owners to be like, hang on a minute. You can't. If Dave couldn't kill this car, I need to buy one. And then those people would just kept

[Matt Farah]

buying the new one.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

But I went to school with a gal that she was notoriously. Her dad had a bunch of money, but she was a car killer, bro. He'd get her a new car, she'd just ruin it in a month or two. And he bought her a 90, 94 Camry at some point. And I remember at one point walking by it in the school parking lot and half the bumpers hanging. It was like, today's Nissan Altima. There's a passenger mirror missing and stuff. And I was like, bro, she cannot kill that car. She that would stay alive. That Camry's unkillable.

[Zach]

My very first date with a girl I named Martha, who turned into a real problem. I dated her for a long time. Our very first date, she drove her Camry wagon into a ditch, like, straight, like four feet down. Had to be towed out. Yeah, our very first date. It was not great. Can't kill it. So, dude, where's your tour going? We got. When is this going up? Tuesday.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, Tuesday.

[Zach]

That is going to be the 12th. So, unfortunately, I'm happy for you're going to the store, but I can't promote the gig. Yeah, but I'm happier for you. But you're going to Oklahoma. You're going to Texas. You got a lot of Texas. Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Louisville, Phoenix. Oh, boy. Colorado, then Tech. Oh, you got gigs all over the fucking country.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Well, yeah, and people are like, man, they're kind of scattered. But. So the thing is, I already have a race schedule with World of Outlaws, so I'm following the World of Outlaws all the way to the World Finals in Charlotte in November. You're competing for them?

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Is that what you're doing?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I'm doing all kinds of meet and greets and going out and doing some color commentary and stuff at the track, making videos and social media content of World of Outlaws. Yeah, I think they're hoping I'm Gonna be their Cletus. You know, they're trying, they're trying to get people back. They're trying to get new eyes on the sports. And honestly me, I. I don't even understand why they're struggling. Because dirt track to me is just so exciting. It's, you know, I don't need 500 laps to find out who's a good driver. I can think 30 of people beating each other death and you figure out who can rock and roll. You know what I mean? Honestly, I would be more terrified to drive a sprint car, a 410 sprint than a NASCAR.

[Zach]

Me too.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

That's a rock, bro. You just got.

[Zach]

Thank you.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Have you ever driven one before?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

No, no, no, no. I've driven some hot stock and hobby stock. What they call hobby stock now when I was younger, little pure stock and stuff like that. But I've never

[Guest or Additional Participant]

been an hour from here.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Oh yeah, it's big here, man. There's. It's kind of. California is like its own ecosystem when it comes to dirt track because y' all have regional state stars out here that never leave to go do any other races and still make six figures interesting racing in California because y' all

[Zach]

have just have enough tracks.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, you still have so much of it and so much of a system.

[Zach]

But if maybe they want to send you as part of your gig out to the school to get some content,

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

a lot of really good drivers come out. You know, Brad Sweet was California guy, I believe, and he was a monster, you know. Was he six or seven championships? He was, he was a killer.

[Zach]

We got to do some legends cars, which is really fun. And this is going to be my first time actually wheel to wheel racing on an oval is this fucking Cletus race. We've done endurance racing, you know, lemons champ. I just did some wrl which is really fun.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

What's wrl?

[Zach]

World Racing League. It's like in between amateur and professional racing. Like it's definitely amateur, but some professional do it also. It's eight hour endurance races, team sport.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

The endurance racing is all new for me. I just recently got into it a couple years ago because the lemons guys, some of the guys with lemons reached out and were like, hey, why don't you come to this race so you can see what it's about down in Angleton at the MSR track down there. And that was one of the best weekends of my life. Super fun. I had more fun with it because I grew up around racing where everybody's hiding their engines and you don't be coming off my pit without talking to me. And this kind of stuff thing. And it was crazy. Just watch all these people with their hoods open and everybody's just going from pit to pit having a grand old time. I saw a dude get Saran wrapped to the top of his car for speeding in the pit. Yeah, yeah. They made him drive around the pit. Saran wrapped him to the top of his car, held a bullhorn and made him repeat. I won't speed in the pits while they drove and paraded him around him.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

I love it so much.

[Zach]

I judged it a few years and came up with a penalty where you have to churn butter, where they park your car and you get a jar, like a mayo jar that's like half full of cream and you have to shake it and when it's butter you can race again. It takes like half an hour.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

It's exhausting. One of them, they were showing me some video. They were making them paint a picture. Yeah, yeah. You had to paint a portrait. That's funny. Look at these dudes with finger paint, water paint.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

That's a great vibe, man. Everyone's in a good mood. Everyone's got a science experiment.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I've honestly one of the most fun racing experiences I've ever seen in my life. And there was, don't get me wrong, there's a lot of BMWs and MIATAs out there, but they make good race cars. I saw one, dude had a little Mazda. Was it the Mazda repo? The little motor, the rotary truck. Remember the little Mazda rotary truck? They had one of those set up and so you know the rules say you got to have a steel. It just had this like old camper shell on it. And the thing would move. The thing would move.

[Zach]

Oh, wait, was it like a speedy cop thing? Like it literally had camper shell on it?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would get down though. But the, the fuel, you know, the fuel tank has to be inside a steel casing. So they had old washing machine bolted into the bed. So it just looked like some old hillbilly dragging a washing machine around the track. These were moving groove. It had some go, you know, it was interesting.

[Zach]

Some of these races that are just shit, I mean, it's 180 cars on the grid and you're like, what? It's just, it's four wide through every corner.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

It's so much fun though.

[Zach]

So there's, you know, there was like professional racing and then there's lemons racing and then there's like two Three layers in between. Like above lemons is like AER and Champ Car. And then above that is wrl. And then it's like imsa. That's that.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

So I just want to. I like the lemon stuff. I want to go do a lemons cannonball. Like a rally with them. Not the Cannonball, but the rally races with them. Because that just sounds like a fun idea. But I'm. I'm really intrigued. I've been watching the gambler stuff for the last few years and I keep telling my wife, like, one of these years, if I got the time off, during that time, I'm just flying. I'm just gonna go out there and buy some piece of crap and run it as hard as I can.

[Zach]

Off road sports.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I got enough friends in Cali and Oregon, I can put a crew together. I see so much cool stuff. Produce with buses out there trying to park. Plow it down, dude.

[Zach]

There's the guy who's got the. The off road Viper. That is the. It's like a 93 Viper. Like with a bunch of frame welds and just meaty. It's so cool.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah. I saw one built out of like a 87 you were talking about earlier. What was that? Pontiac 6000 station wagon. No, it was a cut. It was the Cutlass there, the old Cutlass here, The front wheel drive, you know, like the short ape car. The drive a car. And I have a theory that like every person on the planet has a story about one of those front wheel drive a cars. Sure. Like we all learned how to drive or had one of those at some point.

[Zach]

Mine was my buddy Larry's and it was a Skylark. And it was a very, very sad car.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

It was the wheeziest pieces, but you

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

could just beat the hell out of them and it would just run forever.

[Zach]

Yeah, it's perma shitty.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Yeah. As long as you can find wishbone engine mounts and head gaskets for that Iron Duke 4, you were fine. Exactly. You could keep it running forever.

[Zach]

You put your foot down and went.

[Guest or Additional Participant]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And then you didn't go anywhere.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

God. Great car.

[Zach]

What a dear. Terrible, terrible thing. Jerry. This was a good time, man.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I had a ball.

[Zach]

Thank you for coming down. Check out. Is this all off your Instagram, right?

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

This is.

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah, you can go straight on Instagram. You've got the whole, you know, link in bio for all the tour dates. You've got your YouTube where you're special and a bunch of more, more recent stuff than your special is up there. I love your Instagram bits. I guess you probably do them on TikTok also.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

But I don't have TikTok. Yeah, they're on. They're on TikTok, Facebook, YouTube.

[Zach]

They're all knowing it's Jerry Wayne Live. Is the Instagram just no punctuation, all in there. And, dude, a real pleasure. Make sure you come back next time you're in town. I will have the Manx.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

Absolutely.

[Zach]

Now that I know you're a Volkswagen guy.

[Jerry Wayne Longmire]

I am now.

[Zach]

I'm fully committed. Thank you to everybody for listening. We appreciate you all. Go see Jerry Live and download all of his stuff. He's the man. See you guys later.

[Matt Farah]

Bye.