The Houston Show!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Smoking Tire – Episode: The Houston Show!

Release Date: July 31, 2025
Host/Authors: Zack Klapman, Matt Farah
Location: Shop Club, Houston, Texas

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1. Live Event Kickoff in Houston

[00:00 – 02:03]
In their first-ever ticketed live event, Matt Farah and Zack Klapman bring "The Smoking Tire" podcast to the vibrant city of Houston, Texas, hosted at the Shop Club. The hosts set the stage by introducing a friendly competition: Matt and Zack each aim to curate the best $1 million Houston-themed garage. Their enthusiasm for engaging with local car enthusiasts is palpable as they prepare to immerse themselves in Houston's unique automotive culture.

Notable Quote:
Matt Farah ([00:02:07]): “This is the first ever ticketed live event from Houston, Texas. We're down at the Shop Club and putting together a competition to see who can create the best $1 million Houston-themed garage.”

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2. Exploring Houston’s Car Culture and Challenges

[02:03 – 11:05]
Matt and Zack delve into their experiences renting vehicles in Houston, sharing humorous anecdotes about navigating the city's extreme heat and the challenges of finding spacious rental cars. Matt recounts his struggle with Enterprise’s limited selection, ultimately securing a Chrysler Pacifica. They compare it humorously to the heavier BMW M5 Touring, highlighting the Pacifica's superior handling in Houston's conditions.

Notable Quotes:
Matt Farah ([03:35]): “Fortunately, I sweet-talked the guy and got myself a Chrysler Pacifica.”
Zack Klapman ([04:09]): “Do you think that our love of minivans in our 30s is maturity or lowering testosterone?”

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3. Automotive Industry Insights: Fuel Economy Standards and Tesla’s Innovations

[10:41 – 20:03]
The hosts transition to discussing significant industry news, notably the recent rollback of fuel economy standards. Matt expresses surprise and concern over the lack of regulation, while Zack speculates about the potential financial repercussions for manufacturers like Stellantis.

Notable Quotes:
Matt Farah ([10:54]): “It's back to 2022. Isn't that nuts?”
Zack Klapman ([11:05]): “Mark my words, six months, right? Six. What? Who thinks Tim Kaniskis, the new head of the revived SRT, says the Hellcat is back?”

They also explore Tesla’s unconventional venture into the food industry with their new AI-driven diner in Los Angeles. Matt humorously critiques the idea, questioning whether Tesla can replicate their automotive success in the restaurant business.

Notable Quotes:
Matt Farah ([12:19]): “I have never in my entire life ever seen more Cadillac Black Wings in one place than right here.”
Zack Klapman ([19:56]): “The craziest thing about the stupid Tesla diner is whoever does the PR for it, which is, I guess, nobody, because Tesla doesn't have PR.”

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4. Competition: Best Houston-Themed Garage Showdown

[21:00 – 32:39]
Matt and Zack each present their curated lists of cars and setups designed to epitomize Houston’s automotive spirit. Zack showcases a diverse collection including a super limousine, Ford F150 Tremor, Corvette ZR1, 63 Lincoln Continental, and a 2007 Lotus Exige S. Matt counters with his own lineup featuring the Raptor R, Twin Turbo Viper ZR1, Escalade V, and a Twin Turbo Viper from Calvo Motorsports boasting 2000 horsepower.

Notable Quotes:
Matt Farah ([31:19]): “My list would be Raptor R, Twin Turbo Viper ZR1, Escalade V, and the Slab. All Texas shit I ever driven in my life.”
Zack Klapman ([31:19]): “Super limousine, Ford F150 Tremor, Corvette ZR1, the 63 Lincoln Continental, and the 2007 Lotus Exige S.”

The competition is lighthearted, with both hosts playfully critiquing each other's selections and emphasizing their unique interpretations of what makes a garage “Houston-themed.”

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5. Listener Engagement: Roasting Submitted Cars with Guest Christian James Hand

[34:11 – 58:42]
Transitioning to audience interaction, the hosts invite Christian James Hand to join them in roasting listener-submitted cars. This segment is filled with humor and camaraderie as they critique various vehicles ranging from a 1993 Camry Wagon to a GMC Typhoon and an Audi S8.

Notable Quotes:
Matt Farah ([36:00]): “If I had been issued this at Enterprise today, I would not have insisted on a Pacifica.”
Zack Klapman ([45:05]): “This is how every dad feels when their kid realized Santa is not real. For a moment, you're just like, I tried so hard though, and I enjoy it.”

Christian James Hand adds an international flair, emphasizing the British perspective on car modifications and maintaining a balance between teasing and appreciation for the unique styles presented by listeners.

Notable Quotes:
Christian James Hand ([52:44]): “This is a mixture of watermelon, vape, and leather conditioner. Is the inside of this car the?”

The segment underscores the community aspect of the podcast, fostering a sense of belonging among listeners while keeping the tone entertaining and inclusive.

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6. Concluding Remarks and Final Roasts

[58:42 – 60:07]
As the event winds down, Matt and Zack wrap up the live show by thanking the Houston attendees and highlighting the night's entertaining roasting sessions. They reinforce the camaraderie and mutual respect within the car enthusiast community, leaving listeners with memorable moments and a sense of participation in a lively automotive dialogue.

Notable Quote:
Matt Farah ([59:53]): “Houston, we love you. Thank you guys for entertaining us tonight.”

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Key Takeaways and Insights

• Houston’s Unique Automotive Scene: The city’s car culture is depicted as diverse and vibrant, with a penchant for both high-performance vehicles and unique modifications.

• Industry Trends: Discussions on the rollback of fuel economy standards reflect concerns about environmental impacts and the future of automotive manufacturing.

• Innovation Beyond Automobiles: Tesla’s foray into the restaurant business with AI-driven operations is humorously critiqued, highlighting skepticism about cross-industry success.

• Community Engagement: The live event and listener-submitted car roasts emphasize the strong, interactive community that "The Smoking Tire" fosters among car enthusiasts.

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Overall, "The Houston Show!" delivers a lively and engaging exploration of Houston’s car culture, industry news, and community interaction, all wrapped in the hosts’ signature humor and insightful commentary. Whether you’re a seasoned car enthusiast or new to the scene, this episode offers a comprehensive and entertaining glimpse into the world of automotive passion in the heart of Texas.

Transcript

[Matt Farah]

What up, everybody? Welcome to the Smoking Tire Podcast. Today's episode is, as always, brought to you by off the Record. We love off the Record, and you guys too. Few of our patrons hit us up recently and said off the Record really saved their backsides when they got pulled over for allegedly doing some things they shouldn't have been doing. Off the Record is a service that connects you with local qualified attorneys who will fight your case in court. If needed, they'll negotiate with the prosecutor, do all the things. So when you go to offtherecord.com TST all you have to do is include a photo or scan of your ticket, a brief description of what happened in your own words, and off the Record, we'll set it up from there. Don't plead guilty. Get off the Record. I'm telling you, I hear every week from folks who listen to our show and get off the Record and they get their backsides saved. So do it offtherecord.com for 10% off all legal services with off the Record. All right, folks, this is it. Our first ever ticketed live event from Houston, Texas. We were down at the Shop Club in Houston and tried to localize this one a little bit. We put together a competition to see who, between Zach and I could put together the best $1 million Houston themed garage. We talk about Tesla's new diner opening in la, and we roast a bunch Houstonians, cars to their faces. It's the Smoking Tire live from Texas. Let's do it. Texas. I'm gonna curse in front of children. Am I? Am I gonna curse in front of children? It's never bothered me before.

[Zach Klapman]

It doesn't bother me.

[Matt Farah]

Okay, cool. It's. Huh. We're all good.

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

No, it's literally never bothered me before. It's not gonna stop me today at all.

[Zach Klapman]

No.

[Matt Farah]

And if it didn't, Tito's won't. Let's just. Let's go. This is a Texas vodka right here.

[Zach Klapman]

Is right? Yeah, it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt Farah]

Fuck yeah. I can't believe you fucking people live here. I. We just. We. We've been here six hours, and I had never really had to understand what the term heat dome meant. You walk out them doors at gwb. Oh, it does feel like a Dom does, man. That shit is tough. But we got.

[Zach Klapman]

This is now. Yeah, this is now. I didn't just Google Heat Dome image. I just went today.

[Matt Farah]

No, when we. When we. When we landed and I had service again, I screenshotted that and sent it to Christian, who was wearing like 75 layers of sweatpants because he has Asperger's when he flies. And his comfort layers quickly became a burden.

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah, he wasn't. He did not know what he was getting into. Temperature wise, I would say.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah, we thought it was going to be bad when we got here because I had a. I had a real problem with Enterprise. Like, I'm like a VIP when I travel. Not because of anything. I'm not like, yo, we sold 107 in Houston. Enterprise. You need to hook me up. They didn't have any big cars. Zach. Zach, we're all tall people. We have our gear and we have to drive from here to Dallas. They don't have any big cars. And I was very concerned. Fortunately. Sweet talk, the guy. Got myself a Chrysler Pacifica.

[Zach Klapman]

Anybody out there luxurious.

[Matt Farah]

Who loves a minivan like I. And you guys love a minivan? We got in it, we drove like 100 yards. And Zach and I have been driving the new M5 Touring, which is heavier than the Chrysler Pacifica by a huge. By a lot.

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

By an endorm number. A shocking number. And we went 100ft and I went, zach, this is better than the M5.

[Zach Klapman]

And yeah.

[Matt Farah]

And I'm not kidding. I'll stand by that shit till the day I die.

[Zach Klapman]

Better road manners. The M5 steers itself, even though it's not actively steering itself. It just is set up so poorly.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah.

[Zach Klapman]

Do you think that our. Our love of minivans that happened in our 30s is maturity or lowering t. You know, that's dropping testosterone. This car is actually really nice.

[Matt Farah]

Causation, correlation.

[Zach Klapman]

I just want to sit in here, my friend, and cry and listen to something.

[Matt Farah]

No, it's our love of production. Is anyone here production or has been in any kind of production? One, one, dude. One, two, three. If you've been in production, a minivan is one. Oh, I know. Yeah. What's up? If you've been in production, a minivan is the greatest Swiss army knife in the history of. Of production. And. And, man, let me tell you, you don't want to buy a used rental van from. From a west coast rental agency. Because motor trend and road and track, man, do we rip these things. We did performance van of the year once.

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

Road and track. We had Ross Bentley driving laps. The Chrysler. Excuse me. The Dodge Caravan Sport swb.

[Zach Klapman]

The Caravan is the st of minivans. It is the lightest. It feels the lightest.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah.

[Zach Klapman]

But you beat on it like it's not worth $500,000. Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

But point being, I love a Rented Pacifica. And. And we have pretty good rental car karma these days. It's not been so good in the past. We used to do like mad burnouts and rental cars and really like in a van. In vans.

[Zach Klapman]

In a van.

[Matt Farah]

Matter of fact, check it out on YouTube or don't. But we got this van. But as soon as we got to the hotel, I started laying down and started reading the news and I saw Enterprise where we rented the van is employing the AI scanners. Yo, yo. You hear about this shit? You. You drive. Well, now we might get to find out cuz at. At George W. Bushes. George W. Bush or just George Bush. Which. Which Bushes has the airport.

[Zach Klapman]

It's W. It's not aging W. There.

[Matt Farah]

Isn'T even like a big mural. So apparently according to the. According to the news.

[Zach Klapman]

This is my airport. My dad's down the street. We're going to scan all the vans.

[Matt Farah]

My dad is in Baghdad.

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah, my dad left him in Baghdad. He doesn't have a bus ticket. No id.

[Matt Farah]

So apparently they have the scanners at the airport here. Enterprise. And so then I remembered we're returning this motherfucker in Dallas. One way rental, baby. And then I learned a new fact when we got in at the hotel to drive over here, which is an embarrassingly short distance. This van was given to me with 11 miles on it. It now has 40. Zach. I was given the very first loan of a rental car.

[Zach Klapman]

This is the peak we've peaked.

[Matt Farah]

Who's ever got. Who's here? Has anyone here ever gotten that before? The very first loan of a rental car. Did anyone. Did any of you guys truly take advantage of the privilege you were given? You're nodding like a motherfucker. What did you do?

[Zach Klapman]

You found the traction button right away. What'd you do? Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

What'd you do? Tell me. A 200. The Chrysler 200. That was a fucked up car. That car was so fucked up.

[Zach Klapman]

What if the Civic never got past second grade? That's the 200.

[Matt Farah]

Did you. Did you abuse it? Did you. What did you do? You did abuse it. A work trip. Yep. That's the right time to do it. Yep, that's the right time. First loan to zero mile, basically. Zero mile loan. That's what's up, dude. That's 100% what's up. I got. I got a Nissan Versa once. And I wasn't the first loan, but I was close to it. Really Sub thousand miles. But the loan was to drive to an endurance racing I was doing. I was doing in Tennessee. And at the Friday practice day, they'll let you run any car that passes tech. So I ran about 75 laps. Four up in Aversa, brand new. Broke that motherfucker right in the cv. It was a cv. CVT was smoking. Smoking. And, boy, they didn't know. They didn't know.

[Zach Klapman]

The AI scanner.

[Matt Farah]

The AI cannot detect transmission damage, but, man, what. So what should we do with a brand new van? I mean, do we. Do we do some burnouts? I think it's electric. Parking brake. I don't think you can.

[Zach Klapman]

I am curious if the scanner can detect tire wear, because we, you know, we did, like, the longest burnout of our lives in a minivan, so we could do that again.

[Matt Farah]

I did smoke a joint within about five minutes, so that's one kind of breaking it in.

[Zach Klapman]

Allegedly, Matt, we're in Texas.

[Matt Farah]

Allegedly. You can't prove nothing. Yeah, show me the vin. Show me the rental contract. You don't know nothing.

[Zach Klapman]

What if. What if the scanner has, like, a sniffer test and it's like, oh, you blunted this car?

[Matt Farah]

Nah, it wasn't a blunt. It's okay. Shit'll ventilate. I know. I. Seriously, I. I don't know how you guys live here. We've been outside for a combined 45 seconds today, and I sweat like I just hiked the highest peak in Malibu. So you're. Thank you. Thank you for that.

[Zach Klapman]

But we are so happy to see you all.

[Matt Farah]

It's crazy. No, you know what? It's awesome. My friend, Matt Bell. Shout out to Matt Bell at the shop Club for having us here when, you know, I also store cars. This is the business I'm also in. And one of the only people I like in the business that does this is Matt Bell, because he understands why people would come to, like, because there's booze and food upstairs. It's not because there's cars downstairs. And so we talk. We talk business. We talk shop a lot. We're not competitive. But I'm so happy to be here at the shop clubs in Texas. And you guys should really check out a membership if you can. Zach and I thought of some fun Texas y things to do for you guys today, but we could. We could. Did you guys know that we don't have fuel economy standards anymore? Can I assume that I'm in the city where y' all are down with that? Yeah. All right, so. All right, so you guys are. I'm not here to pick a fight, and I like really loud cars, and I've had cars with no Cats before. I just think they're smelly. They don't actually go any faster. That's the truth. But I'm not gonna pick a fight about that. But that's. That's kind of crazy, isn't it? Did you guys ever think that. That the line of progress in our lives would just turn towards, like, you know what? No more fuel economy standards. That is nuts.

[Zach Klapman]

Gravity is canceled. We're just cancel that too. Yeah, it's retroactive too. Do you think that we have to, like. It's retroactive. They won't face penalties for the last three years.

[Matt Farah]

It's back to 20, 22. Isn't that nuts?

[Zach Klapman]

Well, I wonder if a bunch of OEMs are going to show up like at the White House, wherever, and go, you owe us $80 million. Yeah, Stellantis will be there quick.

[Matt Farah]

But.

[Zach Klapman]

Still, it is, well there.

[Matt Farah]

I mean, Stellantis is. Dude, Stellantis. Mark my words. Six months, right? Six. What? Who thinks. Let's do an over under. Who thinks it will be more than six months until Tim Kaniskis, the new head of the revived srt, says the Hellcat is back?

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah, who?

[Matt Farah]

Think. Who? Give me a show of hands. Over six months. Fucking nobody. Zero.

[Zach Klapman]

Nobody.

[Matt Farah]

Zero.

[Zach Klapman]

The only people that said no to that don't know who Tim Kaniskis is.

[Matt Farah]

I am in the fuel consumption capital of the universe. And everyone's like, nah, we already know that shit. My friend works over there and they be telling me, this shit's coming back like next week. They only idled the plant. They only idled the plant when the Red Cross showed up. They put out the good food.

[Zach Klapman]

The CNC machine is still warm, man. We can just power right back up 100. It's like John Wick. Like they buried the engine blueprints under concrete, but it's really thin and it's cardboard.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah, yeah. And speaking of like supercharged engines, I have to say I've. I've traveled the country a lot. I've never in my entire life ever seen more Cadillac Black Wings in one place, dude. Than right here.

[Zach Klapman]

Well chosen at the shop by everybody.

[Matt Farah]

There's like three inside. There's like seven outside. I think there was six at the press launch. I've, like, they don't. There's like a seven year waiting list to get them in California. And now I know why. Y' all motherfuckers need to share. This is fucking bullshit. We need some allocations. I'll trade you a GT3. I got it.

[Zach Klapman]

We have a lot of Those note takers.

[Matt Farah]

Nobody.

[Zach Klapman]

I think the supercharged engine, the Cadillac in California, you have to dross it like a handgun. They're like, you need to wait 10 days and fill this paperwork. We're not sure about this thing. Cadillac is doing everything that BMW should do.

[Matt Farah]

Right? I wrote that last year for Road and Track. Thank you for quoting my thesis.

[Zach Klapman]

Well, that's. Yes. Quoted around that. Do you think that Cadillac stole the Germans from BMW?

[Matt Farah]

Oh, wait, hang on.

[Zach Klapman]

Like Operation Paper clip.

[Matt Farah]

Anyone know 1946? What?

[Zach Klapman]

Like Operation Paperclip, but it's like Operation End link or something.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah. Listen, guys, you guys want to come know what you've done? I'm going to overlook that. Can you tell me how to corner? Because we're really struggling, and I will sell my soul.

[Zach Klapman]

You know, we thought we got close with a Katera. I got to tell you what. But it's not really keeping up, you know, it did zig. Yeah, it didn't Zig Heil. Don't say that, guys. But it did zig. So we. We were wondering if you guys would come down to the factory and show us how to turn, and we'll just erase the whole thing.

[Matt Farah]

Why was my GM employee such a redneck? Oh, he worked at Bowling Green. That's why he built Corvettes. My guy built my character. You just didn't know the background story of my character who worked on the line in Bowling Green. KE now you guys know. And my accent retroactively makes sense.

[Zach Klapman]

Like fuel economy standards. Retroactively. All good.

[Matt Farah]

100%. Did you guys see that? Yesterday, Tesla opened a diner in la. You see the Tesla diner? You guys think they're going to be good at making food there? Guys, we got to take one quick break from the action for hellofresh, and I absolutely love hellofresh. People can love hellofresh for different reasons, right? Hellofresh could really save you time. If you're tired of wasting time going to the grocery store. Hellofresh can save you efficiency in your shopping. If you don't want to buy oversized portions of spices and ingredients only to make a small meal for you or you and one other person, it cuts down on waste. Hellofresh is a variety. Maybe you get into a rut and want to eat different things all the time, and hellofresh can do that. I love hellofresh because I love to cook, and I don't always love to shop, and I don't always love the process of trying to figure out what to make. That gets me out of my sort of 10 go to habits hellofresh it makes it easier to fit quick home cooked meals into my schedule every week by curating those recipes and then sending the ingredients right to my door. Stuff like Panko crusted Chimichurri Barramundi or sun dried tomato grilled cheese Sando's as well as all of these seasonal snacks, sides and treats. I like it because they send me all these recipes that I've chosen from their chef selections on their website and then I keep the recipe card. That way if I want to make this delicious thing for more people than just me and my wife later, then I have that recipe and I can always go back to it. I'm always trying to cook new things and learning new techniques, new flavoring techniques and stuff. Can be ready in just three minutes sometimes for the new ready made meals or if you want to cook it typically 30 minutes, sometimes a little more. But every hellofresh meal uses high quality ingredients including seasonal fresh produce proteins that travel from the farm to your doorstep and are simple with easy to follow recipe cards or simple heat them and eat them options. Choose from 60 recipes every week including Prep and bake and ready made plus 100. Oh sorry. And there's 100 plus market items to add on for breakfast, lunch and more. It's delivered right to your doorstep and so flexible you can pause or skip whenever you need. So make your summer enjoyable and delicious by signing up. Sign up for [e-mail] ready smokingtire10fm right hellofresh.com smokingtire10fm and get 10 free meals with a free item for life. That's hellofresh.com smokingtime10fm for 10 free meals and a free item in every box. Hellofresh.com smokingtire 10fm one per box with active subscription free meals are a applied as a discount on the first box. New subscribers only. Varies by plan. And now back to the show. Making food like making food. Because I'm friends with some chefs, making food requires you to do the same somewhat simple but very tedious task over and over and over thousands of times exactly the same. Is Tesla good at those things? Huh? Wonder if their burgers will taste good or if I'll get E. Coli. No, they're using AI to what you do is you're you order from your car right? As you're driving to the diner. You can order through your car because that that's good for Americans. You order through your car. Definitely. Just let's streamline the food into our Bellies as fast as possible. And then they have an AI because of course they do. It's probably Grok takes your order, confirms that white genocide is real in South Africa, and then submits your order to the, to the fry cooks, which are probably badly programmed robots that then make your food not in order it was received, but in the order that it thinks you will arrive at the restaurant. So that's kind of an interesting.

[Zach Klapman]

But what I'm confused as they have a huge screen there. If you guys have seen the pictures or, you know, if I zoom go down here, they've got like a drive in movie theater thing, but also a restaurant needs to turn tables.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Klapman]

That's how you make the money.

[Matt Farah]

Right?

[Zach Klapman]

So I don't know if they're gonna charge you to sit there and watch the movie that they're probably gonna show like Birth of a Nation over and over again or something. And then, and then. Or do they want you to get the burger, get the fries, and get.

[Matt Farah]

Out of there there? No, it's. It's a, it's a, it's a bait and switch, right? It. It's a thing that's designed to make it look like you should want to hang out, but behind the scenes, everything is about. It is designed to move you in and out of it as fast as possible, which look, is not inherently a bad thing. Look, if Tesla wants to build fucking diners instead of like selling fake software to everybody, like, great, make burgers. Like, okay, hopefully nobody gets botulism. But it's just, it's an interesting sort of idea that stay and hang out at this experience, but also like, let's most efficiently get you in and out of this place as quickly as possible.

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah. The restaurant industry has a 60% fail rate and 80% close within the first five. I was wondering what's harder? Like building a rocket that goes to space or trying to run a restaurant.

[Matt Farah]

The craziest thing about the stupid Tesla diner is whoever does the PR for it, which is, I guess nobody, because Tesla doesn't have pr.

[Zach Klapman]

It's Grok.

[Matt Farah]

It's Grok. Definitely Grok. It said. It said, we're open 247 forever. Forever in the restaurant business is one hell of a fucking shot call, isn't it? I mean, literally, you have 100% failure rate on that. Good luck. Good luck making forever. And one of many predictions that will not come true from that company. Thank you very much. Okay, let's do some things more fun than crap on Tesla's food preparation. Zach and I had an idea that we would come to your city and judge you. We thought you'd like that. We thought you guys would be like masochists and would like us to come here and make fun of you. So first we're going to start by making fun of you in like a charming way because we're going to have a little competition between each other to see who could spend a million dollars on the most Houston, Texas garage better. Okay. And you guys, you guys get to vote.

[Zach Klapman]

Don't jump ahead, audience.

[Matt Farah]

You guys get to vote on that.

[Zach Klapman]

Hasn't seen my list.

[Matt Farah]

Who correctly. We haven't seen each other's lists. I don't know if we have visuals for all of it because Zach normally would get visuals for things. I'm doing this. But. But who came up. Who assessed your city from a car perspective? Better. Having not really been here that much. Okay. I don't think we need to go back and forth. I think we need to share the five car garage in total.

[Zach Klapman]

Sure.

[Matt Farah]

For a million dollars. This is Richie Richland. Obviously, we don't all have a million dollars to spend. At least most of you don't. Fucking.

[Zach Klapman]

This man up front with a Rolex is not laughing. Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

Sup, habibi? I see your gold, habibi.

[Zach Klapman]

I designed the robot dogs that will.

[Matt Farah]

Chase you to remind me of the homeland. I'm gonna. I'm gonna make Zach go first.

[Zach Klapman]

All right.

[Matt Farah]

And everyone can listen and. And process and then we'll do a vote and see who had the better Houston, Texas garage. Zach's five car million dollar Houston collection, please.

[Zach Klapman]

All right. The program just crashed, so that's a great sign. Okay, here we go. And let me. I got a lot of screens, dude. Okay. Slabs. Houston created the Slab. I think it's their lowrider. It's kind of awesome. It's also crazy. It's dangerous for sure, boy. So wide, boy. Back in the 80s, the longer the slab, the better. Like 24 inches was the game. They called them dead man's wheels because people would shoot you for them and they'd break. So now they're.

[Matt Farah]

Now they're sorry. That's why it's called a dead man wheel. Not because if you're like anywhere near the car, you just die. No, Nobody put that together.

[Zach Klapman]

Manufacturers don't worry about pedestrians. You worry about the driver, habibi.

[Matt Farah]

The sidewalk ain't safe.

[Zach Klapman]

This is why the cyber truck is so safe.

[Matt Farah]

This is the. I mean, look, respect the style move, Hondo.

[Zach Klapman]

Look how long that. That is amazing.

[Matt Farah]

But so all I'm saying is watching these.

[Zach Klapman]

All right, so people. People build slabs with new cars. They build slabs with old cars. I like the style of the old cars better.

[Matt Farah]

There's also fucking Caddy rules.

[Zach Klapman]

Isn't that sick? Way more bright. Work on the new. The new stuff is like all painted. The old stuff. You have a lot of chrome.

[Matt Farah]

I must digress. This motherfucker has about four and a half hood ornaments on here. And sometimes you guys know somebody that almost specs out a car perfectly and then does one mod too far? That's so disappointing when that happens. It's like, bitch, your taste was so close.

[Zach Klapman]

So close.

[Matt Farah]

But the extra thing you put on is so dumb that I have to question every decision you made up to that point and therefore my own goddamn sanity.

[Zach Klapman]

Well, can we say that he has a Cadillac badge below a Cadillac badge below a Cadillac emblem.

[Matt Farah]

Wonder if it's a Cadillac, you guys.

[Zach Klapman]

Is that the Spirit of Ecstasy from Rolls Royce on the front?

[Matt Farah]

I. No, I actually think that's a Cadillac hood ornament from like the 30s. I think that's some OG, but the rest of it is a 10, so. 10.

[Zach Klapman]

One of the games people play is they want to get the most wheels on their car they can. Right? So you can do the fifth wheel on the back, which is. All right, so now you got five wheels. You can do one on the trunk also.

[Matt Farah]

Yes.

[Zach Klapman]

Now you got six.

[Matt Farah]

No, but. No, no, no, no, no. Clapman.

[Zach Klapman]

What?

[Matt Farah]

I think that rear might be a dualie. If that's a space saver, you might be able to dually that up. No.

[Zach Klapman]

Either way, I'm going way better.

[Matt Farah]

They don't play games with the number of wheels. It has to be a full size now. It's got to be full size.

[Zach Klapman]

You could do. You could do this.

[Matt Farah]

Oh, my God. But I've just had an orgasm. I think that is a. That is an Opera Seville Opera.

[Zach Klapman]

79 of Seville Opera.

[Matt Farah]

If you don't know, you better ask somebody because the Seville Opera coupe is the best looking Cadillac of its generation. And I'll die on that hill.

[Zach Klapman]

I think the proportions are weird. And I also want. I want more slab. I want more wheel.

[Matt Farah]

No, you remember you guys Angry cat. Oh, this guy.

[Zach Klapman]

The American dream Limousine.

[Matt Farah]

Yes, buddy.

[Zach Klapman]

I think it's 26 wheels.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah.

[Zach Klapman]

The doors. You suicide doors are cool. Butterfly doors are cool. Whatever the. This is where you can drive a Mini Cooper in the door.

[Matt Farah]

That. No, that's the. That's Dr. Doc Brown's time travel train door.

[Zach Klapman]

Oh, that's true. Helicopter on the back.

[Matt Farah]

Fuck yeah.

[Zach Klapman]

It is ridiculous.

[Matt Farah]

That is the most crashable helicopter I've ever seen, chief. Right now that helicopter was like, I don't. He wanted to build his own fucking helicopter. I told him not to. I don't know why we. He took off smiling. And that was that. We never saw Dave again.

[Zach Klapman]

Imagine like land, you can't do anything with this, but you can fit a fuck ton of wheels on it. So that's my first car.

[Matt Farah]

This guy who built this limo. By the way, yours are already way better than mine. But the guy who built. The guy who built this limo built some other shit, including I think the world's longest Ferrari limo. Yeah, and then this shit got like abandoned a field somewhere and a dude rescued it and was supposed to be restoring it, but we haven't heard anything since because fucking. Of course the guy was probably on meth when he said that. And I don't know, I'm not, I'm not accusing, I'm just guessing because you'd have to be on meth to buy this thing at of a field and be like, yes, I can restore this 26 wheeled thing. Works so well the first time.

[Zach Klapman]

That's why a guy who has so many project cars and then he shows up with that, his wife's like, this is 40 cars at once. And you can't you like fix the Carmen Ghia first? All right, car number two, Ford F150 Tremor. Because you have the world's largest medical center here, right? The tmc. It's the largest one. So I think I could get into dirt biking and they could fix me when I hurt myself. Oh, I got a lot of problems, but someone there can do it. But I need a car that can drive me back from the trail because I'm going to hurt myself. And you can't get Blue cruise on the F250 super duty, hence Tremor. I thought it through.

[Matt Farah]

Wow. You went from that limo to this whack ass pickup. That's so crazy. He went from the craziest ever built to like it's 47.999with 1.9 APR and a 10 year powertrain warranty.

[Zach Klapman]

How many people here own a pickup truck?

[Matt Farah]

Yeah, everybody. Everybody owns a. I get it, I get it, I get it. Half y' all beds are clean as. Dude. Yeah, Clean beds, Clean beds.

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

That rubber cap on the 2 inch trailer ball attachment never been taken out. I know, I know.

[Zach Klapman]

All right, next one. Houston calls itself the energy capital of the world. So I Think a gas guzzler is a good idea? I want something I could take to your eighth mile track. I want something fast and fun, but I also need to be able to outrun the police when I'm smuggling Plan B pills.

[Matt Farah]

Oh, yes.

[Zach Klapman]

So, Corvette ZR1.

[Matt Farah]

I had that too.

[Zach Klapman]

See me. You did, too. See me.

[Matt Farah]

Outside market.

[Zach Klapman]

All right. Unlike Dallas, where we're headed next. Convertibles are safe here. Yes. That's jfk. Joke.

[Matt Farah]

Sorry.

[Zach Klapman]

Too soon.

[Matt Farah]

The Conti.

[Zach Klapman]

What do you.

[Matt Farah]

The Conti? Yeah. You can't roll a Conti in Dallas, can you?

[Zach Klapman]

You can't.

[Matt Farah]

Not with these kind of ideas.

[Zach Klapman]

No. Yeah, they won't have that. They won't have that. I mean, obviously. A classic. A classic. And I chose the 63. The interior is better looking than the 64. And this bright work, I think might reflect the sun into a sniper's eyes. So they probably wouldn't be able to take you out. Maybe. Maybe.

[Matt Farah]

I love a suicide door Conti. Is there one of those here at the shop? Matt Bell? No. No, there's. What? Dallas has one.

[Zach Klapman]

Well, we'll go visit it one, right?

[Matt Farah]

Oh, tomorrow.

[Zach Klapman]

We're gonna. Is that the one you're talking about? No, they have the one. Oh, no, no, no, no. Okay.

[Matt Farah]

Dad, the government has. They're not. That ain't out of sight.

[Zach Klapman]

All right.

[Matt Farah]

Someone bought the. The alleged JFK ambulance. There was a controversy over whether it was the real one because there were three, and it wasn't well documented at the time, which of the three at the Dallas, whatever military center it was actually carried him. But someone did, and. And it was like, it was put in auction, then it was withdrawn, and then it was sold. It was. It was weird, but it was he.

[Zach Klapman]

On Bring a Trailer. Unrestored.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah.

[Zach Klapman]

Well.

[Matt Farah]

But have you guys ever seen. It's been on sale forever. The Tupac BMW. You guys ever see that? They took that shit to a body shop, they fixed it, and now they want a million dollars for it. It's like the bullet holes were the thing. You fucking asshole.

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah, but if you buy it in it rain, if you range where you.

[Matt Farah]

Live with ugly wheels, like, what are we doing here? You fucked it up.

[Zach Klapman]

It's like cleaning the dust off the Mars Rover. And then, you know.

[Matt Farah]

Well, you. I mean, you've seen that. You guys ever been. You guys ever been to a place that says original dirt do not touch, or Original Dirt do not wash? You see that shit at Porsche all the time.

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

If you go to PC or a Porsche place, it'll be like, you know, the Jackie Ickx, you know, Dakar car. It'll be like original Dakar dirt, you know, don't wash. And you're like, all right, man, whatever.

[Zach Klapman]

It's kind of cool. But you could fake it so easily about your day. Like, you could just throw dirt on it. All right, my last one is I want something to take to the track. You guys have some private tracks out here. And I also think the track is a place I could hide my love of foreigners. So I would go. Lotus Exige S2007. Reliable. I probably can't break unless I crash it. If Lotus goes out of business, I'd be really fucked on the repairs.

[Matt Farah]

But this is supposed to be cars that fit in Texas, not cars that you just want to buy.

[Zach Klapman]

That's just this one. The other four are embedded in Houston. I feel like, okay, that's my list.

[Matt Farah]

So that's. So Zach's. Zach's five. Give us the quick. The quick review again of the five.

[Zach Klapman]

Okay. Super limousine.

[Matt Farah]

The super limousine.

[Zach Klapman]

Ford F150. Tremor Corvette ZR1, the 63 Lincoln Continental, and these 2007 Lotus Exige S. All.

[Matt Farah]

Right, well, Zachs are funnier because there was JFK jokes in there. We have two overlaps, as a matter of fact. The ZR1 is an overlap. And the slab. I didn't have a specific slab, but I budgeted 200 GS for a slab that sounds like that would get me about the nicest slab around, right? This fucking fake money. Anyway, so, yeah, of course it's 200,000. Why wouldn't it be? All right, so that's two. Zach picked a weenie truck. I said Raptor River. Okay. Raptor R. Yeah. Okay, everyone. Yeah, I see I'm better at this. I also said Cadillac Escalade V. See, I am better at this. Yeah. Okay. And last but certainly not least, least, twin turbo viper. Calvo Motorsports. 2000 horsepower. That's about the most Texas shit I ever driven in my life. Yep. So, yeah, my list would be Raptor R, Twin Turbo Viper ZR1, Escalade V, and the Slab. All right. So wasteful. My man up front, in the front row. Yeah. Burning gas.

[Zach Klapman]

Where is Texas 2000? Whatever that crazy freeway racing thing is that based.

[Matt Farah]

Here's 2K.

[Zach Klapman]

TX 2K. Is that here? Ish. It's in Ennis, right? Oh, they do it. Hennessy. Oh, okay. They used to just do it on the freeway, right?

[Matt Farah]

It's in the middle.

[Zach Klapman]

It's Houston Metro. Okay.

[Matt Farah]

Officially, they race on drag strips but it's, like, all about the money racing later, right? That's, like, the thing. Cool. I'm down with that. Okay. Texas cars are crazy. You can always tell in California when. When a. When a car has been in Texas, because that's like 1800 horsepower and stock brakes.

[Zach Klapman]

Yes.

[Matt Farah]

Y'. All. Y' all don't need to slow down very. You can. You can just fucking ride out. You just. You hit that race, and then you go. You put in six. Coast it down. It's all good.

[Zach Klapman]

You just coast across the state.

[Matt Farah]

There's no. There is absolutely nothing in between stock brakes and parachute here. That's true. That's the difference. As a matter of fact, I, on the plane was reading the TX2K rules and regulations. That last bit. I didn't make that up. There is no regulation on upgrading your brakes, but at 200, you better have a parachute. Cool.

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah. Just rear brake only. Keep it light.

[Matt Farah]

Okay. So not show of hands, because this is a radio show, I think. Round of applause. Who thinks Zach assessed your car culture better?

[Zach Klapman]

What?

[Matt Farah]

Okay, okay.

[Zach Klapman]

For your taste. That's what we're saying.

[Matt Farah]

Who thinks? Think. Who thinks yours truly understands what Houston cars are about. Well, I think that was an obvious win for your boy.

[Zach Klapman]

That was obvious. You a bunch of traitors.

[Matt Farah]

Obvious traders, you. Well, I mean, should we. Should we.

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

Should we make fun of their cars?

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah, let's do that.

[Matt Farah]

I think we should, I think, because we asked some people to submit some cars, but also, while Christian was on, we scoped the parking lot for some stuff, too. And so some of y' all volunteered to have your cars roasted tonight, and others didn't. But in order to make fun of your cars properly, let's invite Christian James Hand back up with us, because nobody talks shit like an Englishman. Come on, habibi. Let's go with it. We. This was how we marked his mic, but we don't need it anymore, right? Oh, boy. Is this how you organize your life? Sack fluff me.

[Zach Klapman]

This is cars. It just. Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

Thank you, guys for sending us your cars.

[Christian James Hand]

All right.

[Matt Farah]

Oh, good. Christian can see. Can see Zach's screen, too.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

All right, let's start with some cars that were sent to us. There was some. There were some really good ones. And, Zach, do you have a car for us? Let's see what we've got first.

[Zach Klapman]

Let's go to your pictures.

[Matt Farah]

Oh, these are ones I found in the parking lot that I think are spectacular.

[Zach Klapman]

Do you want to go to there?

[Christian James Hand]

You know, that's a win.

[Matt Farah]

Please raise Your hand. If you are the owner of the nine Deuce Camry wagon in Jewish racing.

[Zach Klapman]

Sick.

[Christian James Hand]

That might be best in show, bro.

[Matt Farah]

So good motherfucking show.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah. Jewish racing.

[Matt Farah]

Goal. How nice this car is, you guys.

[Christian James Hand]

Sherry, what's your name, bro?

[Matt Farah]

Drew. Okay, Drew, did you actively pursue this car? Did someone in your family die and you got it by default? You actively pursued. Is it a 9293 Camry wagon in the best color? As I said, Jewish racing gold. And it's. It is. This is a preservation class car. Is it not true? How many miles are on it? 109,000. Sweet. Ain't even broken.

[Christian James Hand]

No, dude, you're just starting to get the best out of it.

[Matt Farah]

Dude, if I had been issued this at Enterprise today, I would not have insisted. For a Pacific.

[Christian James Hand]

We'D have asked how much.

[Matt Farah]

We would have been rolling to Dallas. This. What did you pay for this amazing specimen of a camera? If you don't mind sharing, Drew. $6,500 all day, every day. No, right?

[Christian James Hand]

Golden.

[Matt Farah]

Well bought. Literally.

[Christian James Hand]

Golden.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah, that's great. That will cost.

[Zach Klapman]

It's got a greenhouse. Like a hearse.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah.

[Christian James Hand]

Dude, that back end is so poorly designed. It is epic.

[Zach Klapman]

Yes.

[Christian James Hand]

Well done.

[Matt Farah]

They thought about that later.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah. They were like, man, it. What do we got lying around?

[Zach Klapman]

It looks like the rear window's upside down. You know, like, this looks.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah, what's.

[Christian James Hand]

What's the opposite of the Heinzfield Kink or whatever that thing was called?

[Matt Farah]

Guys, we can reuse the back of the rear wind from the Sienna.

[Christian James Hand]

It's amazing.

[Matt Farah]

Crazy. Oh, wow. God. This was. This was my. These were my trip.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah, it's best.

[Matt Farah]

This is possibly the most. Even more so than the Lexus LS400. The most unkillable car of all time. But, like, damn, if you never see a nice one. We had to start with that. That's the best ever.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah, look.

[Zach Klapman]

You sent that picture with the rainbow.

[Christian James Hand]

It's a pot of Jewish gold at.

[Matt Farah]

The end of the rainbow.

[Zach Klapman]

Patrick McCoy, roast my till I cry.

[Matt Farah]

So this is a big boy. It's a big boy Land Cruiser. It is. This thing has got. It's got a snorkel, which I think.

[Zach Klapman]

Do you need it? Where are you, Patrick?

[Matt Farah]

Where are you?

[Zach Klapman]

Have you used the snorkel? Have you gone. Have you had water go over the hood yet?

[Matt Farah]

You haven't. Is it just a style thing? It's a vibe.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah. It's a vibe.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah. It's okay.

[Christian James Hand]

Does it have a little ladder on the back of it?

[Zach Klapman]

A widow waddle?

[Christian James Hand]

Good. No widow waddle on the back of it. You've saved yourself. That could have been a lot worse.

[Matt Farah]

Do you go off roading though, Patrick? You do go off roading. Okay, look, I'm not gonna lie. This is a nice looking truck. Yeah, straight up, that's a nice looking truck. But yeah, you're you. That snorkel is for sniffing other things. Yeah.

[Christian James Hand]

Your lesbian girlfriend is.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah, that's the problem with the truck. A truck with a snorkel, it's one of those things. It's like driving a superformance Cobra. The first question they ask, the answer is always no. Right? Anyone here ever had a replica COBRA or replica GT40 or any one of those? Right? They're fun, right? They're a good time. Except the only question anyone ever has, the answer is no. And that you should watch that shit deflate somebody when they find out your Cobra is not real. You suck after that. You're so lame after that you're like, no, no, but I spent like 60k on the Roush 427 independent throttle. It makes like 900 horsepower. Like, yeah, but it's not real. And you're a loser and like that's all there is.

[Zach Klapman]

This is how every dad feels when their kid realized Santa is not real. For a moment you're just like, I tried so hard though, and I enjoy it.

[Matt Farah]

So. Same thing with the snorkel. First question, use the snorkel. Nope, nope.

[Christian James Hand]

It's a vibe. It's a vibe thing, you know, Hurt.

[Zach Klapman]

Your gas mileage probably.

[Matt Farah]

This is the. This, this Instagram photo is the hardest core off roading he's ever done. Right now.

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah, yeah, that's a garden center. Yeah, that's a Home Depot garden center.

[Matt Farah]

This is the Grand Canyon of Houston. You don't understand.

[Zach Klapman]

Your biggest.

[Christian James Hand]

It's actually like a parking lot. On either side is tarmac.

[Matt Farah]

You ever see that Bear Grylls clip? Ever? Guys, ever see the Bear Grylls clip where he's doing this crazy to get over the chasm, but like a guy goes to the same spot and just walks like 20ft and walks right around. That's what this is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christian James Hand]

It's a Subaru Outback traveling through the. About the back of the hotel.

[Matt Farah]

Recognizes this is behind our hotel across the street.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt Farah]

Lovely truck.

[Zach Klapman]

A lovely couple named Susan and Judy drove behind him. Like, you're in the way. Yeah.

[Christian James Hand]

Excuse me.

[Matt Farah]

Dude, this is.

[Christian James Hand]

What are you doing?

[Matt Farah]

This is exactly the kind of off roading where you've put new Shocks and tires on your truck and you're like, yeah, I'm going to test them out. The trail won't be too much, but you know, it'll be cool. It'd be fun. It'll be the thing. You get like 25 miles out there and and your girl is like sick. And there's like six Mexicans in a Jetta like bottomed out on that same trail. Them fucking tires are at like 95 psi, dude. Laid out. Just, just going. And that's their commute. And guys, that's crazy. Oh, look at that photo though. There you go. Yeah, that's a shutter speed. Hope you got that ceramic coating because you just got they dumped. You know they dump the toilets right at that port right there. It's right before the runways. That's all right, Captain. You're clearing dumple of trains. Land Cruiser. It looks good.

[Zach Klapman]

Wow. Wow. A Typhoon.

[Matt Farah]

Oh, habibi. Yeah, yeah, it's right here too. We don't even have to look at the pictures because it's right there. That is a GMC Typhoon. You guys know about the Typhoon? Is this Typhoon town Guys know about the Typhoon.

[Christian James Hand]

So is that the stock hood of the Typhoon though?

[Matt Farah]

Or is that is.

[Christian James Hand]

That is not.

[Matt Farah]

That is Habibi. Summit Racing is your friend. That is.

[Zach Klapman]

It is a Romero.

[Matt Farah]

That is. It is Jags or it is Summit. There is nothing in between these. These cars. Okay? In 91, the GMC cyclone was released, which is the pickup truck version of this. And a creative magazine person drag raced it against the Ferrari 348TB, which is actually quite a lovely car, but it has no torque and it has a dog leg one two shift and every. And. And so they drag race it. And in a 0 to 60, the cyclone beat it by like 3/10. And it was on the COVID like, holy shit, you guys. The general has built a truck that goes faster than a Ferrari. And that was true.

[Zach Klapman]

We beat Italy again. Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah. And that was true if the race was like 800ft long. And if you look at the quarter mile results, the Ferrari won by a second. So in that same story where the. The Cyclone was declared the winner. Having said that, just like the grand national, the Typhoon, the hard top version and the Cyclone are all attitude. It's just attitude. How black can it be? How mean looking can it be? It's a. It's a 99 points of attitude and one point of actual substance. And so the Typhoon and the Cyclone are steaming piles of to drive. I mean they are the trashest trash that is you. I mean, you can't believe what a box that is to drive. I tried to do a goofy bit once where we compared one to an Uris Performante and it was like, maybe this was. It was brutal. But attitude.

[Christian James Hand]

It's all attitude.

[Matt Farah]

All day, every day. None more black than that Typhoon.

[Zach Klapman]

I do think the hemp sticker on the back is redundant. Like, you're driving Typhoon with full tint. They know.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that hood scoop, you're definitely. Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Klapman]

They're like, yeah, I work in the weed business. Yeah. No, no, really? Let's see.

[Matt Farah]

I love a Typhoon. I will only make fun of it. How terrible a Typhoon is to drive because the owner already knows and. And because of how awesome it is at everything else at, like, existing. Right? Yeah, yeah, it's all right. Shout out who owns that Typhoon? Typhoon here. Yeah, of course. Yeah.

[Christian James Hand]

You look like.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah. Oh, you're wearing a. You're wearing a shirt.

[Zach Klapman]

Motorsports shirt.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah, yeah. The Typhoon is the perfect vehicle. If you would like to smoke a L before running the quarter mile, you have to ask me how I know, baby. That's awesome. Was I running about a 17?

[Christian James Hand]

2, 2, 18, 4, 18 without the snorkel.

[Matt Farah]

So there used to be a guy who. Any of you guys like drag racing, drag racers in here? Anybody? No? All right, moving on. If you guys don't like it, we don't have to talk about that.

[Christian James Hand]

What accountant was driving that BMW?

[Matt Farah]

Oh, Zach showed me this photo and I was like, somebody likes getting tied up and beaten with sticks.

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah. Because the first photo I showed him was this one where the entire engine, trans and exhaust system is out of the vehicle. Probably happens, I don't know, monthly.

[Christian James Hand]

Well, that's why I like the fact that the photo comes with the hood already up.

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah.

[Christian James Hand]

So this is how it spent 90% of its time that I've owned the fucking thing.

[Zach Klapman]

So how it started and how it's going.

[Christian James Hand]

Before and after.

[Matt Farah]

Wait, so for the audio at home, people, we're looking at a what looks to be a. An Audi S8. Like a 2000-2002 era 2003 Audi. Is it yours? Is it your Audi S8? My condolences.

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah. Who drove you here?

[Christian James Hand]

Check and make. I was gonna say the most valuable thing in that photo is the Stanley Cup, I think, isn't it?

[Matt Farah]

So these S8s are actually some of the most lovely cars ever made when they work, which is never. They are absolutely brutal. Brutal to own, but a treat. It's manual swapped. Oh, does it work?

[Christian James Hand]

The manual part works before it goes in the car. Well, that'll be nice.

[Zach Klapman]

Eventually I was, I started watching Ronin on the plane and they get like, I think it's an S6. And it's like, yeah, the only thing an Audi can outrun is a French car. You know the police are, the police are chasing them. They're gonna break down. The Audi's gonna break down about a mile.

[Matt Farah]

You should put that on a T shirt. Audis get older, outrun French cars. That's up. That's a up insult for somebody your can only outrun a French car. Is a up thing to say to somebody. Oh, this was nice. Can we. Can the person who has the TES look good on everything? E46 BMW. It's you. Oh wow. It's a gray haired white man too. Holy shit. That's fucking awesome.

[Zach Klapman]

That's a 22 year old man.

[Christian James Hand]

That's what happens when you own a BMW.

[Zach Klapman]

When you own an E46, you age like fruit.

[Matt Farah]

No, I was vaping all the way here. I swear I was vaping. I was vaping. Yeah. No, this is a E46 M3 with TE37s in black. I stopped and took this photo and I said TE's do look good on almost everything. Who, who in the audience would like to provide an example of something the TEs do not look good on? Who's anyone seen one?

[Zach Klapman]

Trucks.

[Matt Farah]

Truck. Well, yeah, except Toyotas. Toyota's are right. 993. 993 is the right answer. 993 is the singular right answer of TE's don't look good on everything. They look weird as hell on 993s. Don't do it. I'm sorry to the guy out there who listens to this show that has the te.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah, there's a guy, there's a guy crying right now somewhere.

[Matt Farah]

All right, he's all right.

[Christian James Hand]

He knows.

[Zach Klapman]

He's just. He had just opened the box and he's closing the box like, son of a bitch.

[Matt Farah]

I like that BMW. That's a good, that's a good BMW.

[Zach Klapman]

This super sick.

[Matt Farah]

Oh, the Toyota Supra with no wing and what looks like hre wheels. Is that you? Are they, are those hres? What are they work meisters? Yes, yes, yes. This is a wingless Supra. How much power does this thing make, bro? Mid five. Is it twins? Mid five is the small single mid.

[Zach Klapman]

Five at the tire or the crank. That's the right amount. That's good.

[Matt Farah]

Got to Be a. A fun time. This is a very beautiful car, sir. There. I don't. I mean, listen. You paid too much for it.

[Zach Klapman]

Well, did you buy it 15 years ago?

[Matt Farah]

Guess what I paid. Guess what you paid.

[Zach Klapman]

When did you buy it?

[Matt Farah]

Bought it in 2015. Original twin turbo.

[Zach Klapman]

Ooh.

[Matt Farah]

Salvage.

[Zach Klapman]

2015.

[Matt Farah]

No. Guess what you paid. 55 grand.

[Zach Klapman]

35.

[Matt Farah]

$13,000. My man. I'm wrong. I apologize.

[Christian James Hand]

You pay just the right amount.

[Matt Farah]

You have come the up.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah.

[Zach Klapman]

Wow.

[Christian James Hand]

That's nice.

[Matt Farah]

Wow, look at.

[Zach Klapman]

That's a beautiful bitcoin.

[Matt Farah]

That's all right.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah. That's actually doing better than bitcoin.

[Matt Farah]

That's a beautiful car. Special sidebar. Shout out to the matte black blackwing back. Is that you, Matt? Black Black wing. Is that a precision pack? It's the special color and it's a six speed. Good for you. That's awesome. Side honorable mention.

[Christian James Hand]

Like this. When I realize that everybody in car culture is on the spectrum. And I don't want to hear any from anybody about that garbage ever again.

[Matt Farah]

Here's how.

[Christian James Hand]

You know music guys got autism.

[Matt Farah]

Do I? Here's how.

[Christian James Hand]

It's a 5556 with 1936 splits on the back end of it. And you.

[Matt Farah]

You're a what?

[Zach Klapman]

You pay for it.

[Christian James Hand]

Let me smell it. 53 grand. And I think you missed firing on.

[Matt Farah]

Your third cylinder.

[Christian James Hand]

Out of here.

[Zach Klapman]

Wait. Wait till you talk to any Corvette owner. Good. It's only one of 12,000 built on Tuesday. Yeah, pretty rare. Do you want to buy it? I'm really under only one of 12,000 like you.

[Matt Farah]

Wait, real quick.

[Zach Klapman]

The course creative writing is in a description of a Corvette for sale.

[Matt Farah]

Who does? Oh yeah, we know all this.

[Zach Klapman]

This or this?

[Christian James Hand]

Them are too.

[Matt Farah]

So we'll get to that. Does anybody here have their Instagram handle on their car? Get rid of it immediately.

[Christian James Hand]

Immediately.

[Matt Farah]

A, it's called evidence, homie. And B, it makes you look like a loser. You don't look like a loser in this room if you're driving a car with your Instagram handle on it. Different story. You seem nice. I'm trying to help. This.

[Christian James Hand]

This is sweet.

[Matt Farah]

Whose car is this? This is yours. Does it have your Instagram handle on it?

[Zach Klapman]

Amazing.

[Matt Farah]

Douchebag. You lose 5,000. There it is.

[Zach Klapman]

There it is. Wait. Go back. How do I get over there flying? Oh, I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm to trying.

[Christian James Hand]

Yes. You suck. Give me the keys. Oh, I'm driving that back to la.

[Matt Farah]

You don't deserve that for this offense. I'M repossessing your car. Yeah, tell this Mr. Two is sick, dude.

[Zach Klapman]

Yeah, it is.

[Matt Farah]

It has a like F40 style wheels on it. Does it go really fast? 300 of the wheels. Is it that Japanese motor Swap? It's a V6. What? Minivan? A Sienna. A Sienna V6.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah, yeah. Take the Instagram handle off your cool car.

[Matt Farah]

Cool. Oh, wow. That's superior because. Okay, you deserve it.

[Zach Klapman]

Your front, your Toyota Ferrari fonted thing in the front is awesome and really clever. And then you go around the side and you go.

[Matt Farah]

Oh, you guys heard it. What'd I say before? One mod too far, right?

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah, there it is. Take one mod off before.

[Matt Farah]

That was the one. The rest of it, no fucking notes.

[Christian James Hand]

I saw this guy driving around when I was. When I thought it'd be a good idea to stand outside the fucking Starbucks and I realized that this is the only place I've ever been when the wind blows and it gets hotter and.

[Matt Farah]

I was like, the fuck is this experience?

[Christian James Hand]

But this guy drove through the parking lot and that bike is sick.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah. I think it came in a trailer, but it still looks really cool. Who's. But whose bike is this? This green thing? What is the story on this thing? Thing. A 1993 BMW R100 that's like super backdated to like 60s cafe racer kind of thing. Looks awesome. It looks really, really good.

[Christian James Hand]

Sounded great too. Had a good.

[Matt Farah]

Do you have a shop that built this? Your shop, what's it called? 72 Performance here in Houston.

[Zach Klapman]

Wilson.

[Matt Farah]

Best of the best hand built motorcycle. Where at? Broadmoor. Rob report. Oh, cool. All right.

[Zach Klapman]

It looks like it's a Singer version of a BMW motorcycle.

[Matt Farah]

Absolutely. Absolutely gorgeous motorcycle. That's fabulous.

[Christian James Hand]

And you'll notice no Instagram handle anywhere.

[Matt Farah]

Right.

[Christian James Hand]

To be seen on said motorcycle.

[Matt Farah]

They don't give best of the best that, let me tell you. Yeah, no, this is, this is fabulous. Very nice. Nice. Very nicely done, sir. Okay, so those are.

[Zach Klapman]

Those.

[Matt Farah]

Them cars are all here? Those are ones I, I took a lap and I found outside. You guys sent some other ones in?

[Zach Klapman]

Sure. Let's.

[Matt Farah]

Let's take a look at one or two more before we. Is that.

[Christian James Hand]

Is that yours?

[Zach Klapman]

I understand why I lost the contest now. Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah. All right.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah, it's about to get.

[Zach Klapman]

I'm also not wrong. It's a F150.

[Matt Farah]

No, that wasn't the right one.

[Zach Klapman]

No, no, I'm just hitting the ones that are selected.

[Christian James Hand]

No, that's yours.

[Matt Farah]

That's yours. Yeah. It's boring. Sorry.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I want something boring.

[Matt Farah]

No, we. We had.

[Zach Klapman]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Matt Farah]

Here's a. What? Oh, okay. Now this one right here.

[Zach Klapman]

Wait, is that. You mean like a Porsche?

[Matt Farah]

Wow.

[Zach Klapman]

Never seen one of those.

[Matt Farah]

So hold on.

[Zach Klapman]

You're standing in front of us.

[Matt Farah]

All right.

[Zach Klapman]

They are good. But we're from California. It's plenty. 9 11. Sorry, this. Cuz. This. This has a story, sir.

[Matt Farah]

This is what I'm talking about. Does anyone. Is this anyone's here? It's yours. Yeah. Do you get stopped by ice driving this?

[Zach Klapman]

Because. Did you find this?

[Christian James Hand]

It's a wine guy.

[Matt Farah]

I'm not trying to profile.

[Zach Klapman]

You're like, oh, free car. So, yeah, the story is like you're 15. Or you fixed it. You're fixing. That's awesome. Yeah, that's super cool.

[Matt Farah]

Do you have some kind of shady ass farm equipment license that lets you drive this thing on the street? No, it's not drivable. Okay. No brakes.

[Christian James Hand]

Oh, that's great.

[Matt Farah]

That's not a problem.

[Christian James Hand]

That's Texas for you.

[Matt Farah]

That's. That's. Yeah. You see a problem? I see an opportunity.

[Zach Klapman]

There you go. Parachute. This is awesome.

[Christian James Hand]

Definitely.

[Matt Farah]

All right. Yeah.

[Christian James Hand]

That hood patina needs to stay.

[Zach Klapman]

It will not. You can't get rid of it.

[Christian James Hand]

Trust me.

[Zach Klapman]

I look like this is this.

[Matt Farah]

This and the cockroaches at the end.

[Zach Klapman]

This is it. Yes.

[Matt Farah]

For sure. For sure. Let's do one more full on master. Let's hit the barrio.

[Zach Klapman]

What do we not?

[Matt Farah]

Because, Michael, that's how we judge the time of the show. When my glass is empty. Yo. A collection.

[Zach Klapman]

Oh, we already talked about this person.

[Matt Farah]

Sorry. Did we? Oh, that's their supra. Is it also your other shits? They're all 93. Were you born in 93? Birth year cars. Respect. Yeah, those look. That's a good photo. I like that. That's all right. Earth year cars. It sucks to be born in 81 and try to have birth year cars there. There wasn't nothing roasted. You've already done that. Zach. What are we doing? We're at the cut. This. Oh, hello, little993. That one's parked right over there in that photo studio. Is that you point out? That's yours. All right. That's a beautiful little993. Is there anything done to it? Is it modified suspension?

[Zach Klapman]

Evo.

[Matt Farah]

Okay. Suspension. Dry ice. Oh, you're the dry ice guy. Oh, you got to get. You got to work the dry ice. Better make sure they know. You guys heard of the dry ice. The dry ice is the Best thing ever. How much is it? $7,500. What the. Yeah. Dry ice. That's okay. I like that. 993. That's beautiful.

[Zach Klapman]

Oh.

[Matt Farah]

Now we're talking. I can smell the inside of this. This is.

[Christian James Hand]

Wow.

[Matt Farah]

This. It's a. It's a mixture of watermelon, vape, ax.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

And leather conditioner. Is the. Is the inside of this car the.

[Christian James Hand]

Leather conditioner for sure?

[Matt Farah]

Right. Well, it's very important. It's badged Australian. It's very important. You know this car is engineered in Australia. Did you guys know that this car. Car that looks just like every car America's ever made was designed and engineered in Australia?

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

Not America.

[Christian James Hand]

It's a Holden.

[Matt Farah]

It's a Holden.

[Zach Klapman]

This is the kind of immigrant we're okay with. I just want. The paperwork was done. We like it. But they were there.

[Matt Farah]

They were criminals. That's why they were there.

[Zach Klapman]

Sure.

[Matt Farah]

They were literally criminals.

[Zach Klapman]

That's right. They're just a different kind.

[Christian James Hand]

They're the good kind.

[Zach Klapman]

Please don't shoot me after the show.

[Matt Farah]

Oh, okay. Cool.

[Zach Klapman]

Everybody's got a gun but me.

[Matt Farah]

Yeah. You gotta badge your. You gotta badge your Pontiac. Like a Holden. Dude, I love these cars. Well. Because what happens right? Pontiac is dead. Imagine one day you're driving a Pontiac. The next day they go, we're shutting down Pontiac. And you go, but I have a date Thursday. She's gonna know I'm driving some. That's from a company that doesn't exist anymore.

[Christian James Hand]

Rebadget.

[Matt Farah]

They losers. Dude. I know it's a Holden. It's important. It's exotic.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah.

[Matt Farah]

It's not from here. You had to try to get this. I had to sneak it in. I'm a spy. Yeah. Spin that negative into a positive. Baby.

[Zach Klapman]

Faraday future is going to do that real soon. I know I keep talking about them, but they. They need to rebad.

[Matt Farah]

Did you guys see the fair? The new Faraday future minivan with the screen on the front of it? It's.

[Christian James Hand]

No, it's so stupid.

[Matt Farah]

It's fucking crazy.

[Zach Klapman]

Oh, this one.

[Matt Farah]

This is the last one. This is some hot boy right here. Is this as the owner of this particular S2000? It's you again.

[Christian James Hand]

What. What is going on?

[Zach Klapman]

Dry icing is so expensive.

[Matt Farah]

Dry ice work is going into this.

[Christian James Hand]

I gotta go into the Dry Ice 2000.

[Matt Farah]

You know, it came from northern Michigan. It was very. It was very corroded under there. But I really brought it back with my dry ice process. Yeah. This is all right. Also. Te's look good on everything, right? Pretty much almost everything. It's got the hard tops, got the louvers.

[Zach Klapman]

This car is awesome. Do you track it a lot? Because for people listening, you have hood vents, a wing that could, you know, put on a 737. You got everything on here. Do you track it?

[Matt Farah]

Okay, tracks it. That's.

[Zach Klapman]

That's pretty good.

[Matt Farah]

That's not bad. Regular people who, frankly, are so booked with their try ice business, they don't even know. I don't even know if I can get you in.

[Christian James Hand]

Yeah, man.

[Matt Farah]

Honestly, you want to talk about price, but the favor is actually getting you in right now. I got. I'm booked out months. I can't even go to the track with my S2000 because the dry ice business is so crazy.

[Christian James Hand]

It's so crazy.

[Zach Klapman]

There's just so much cash in front of the door. I just can't get out the door to go to the track.

[Christian James Hand]

Just burying in a track like El.

[Matt Farah]

Chapo, where it's like, behind the walls.

[Zach Klapman]

You're just like ashes and collect.

[Matt Farah]

The rats are eating the cash.

[Zach Klapman]

What if we put ice cubes in a leaf blower? I think we could charge a lot of money.

[Matt Farah]

His lady's like, wait a minute. Are you rich?

[Christian James Hand]

Wait a minute.

[Matt Farah]

You holding out on me? All right, Houston, we love you. Thank you guys for entertaining us tonight. Thank you for coming out. Thank you for respecting one of my best friends, Christian James Hand.

[Christian James Hand]

Thank you, everybody.