The Spiritual Life with Fr. James Martin, S.J.

Episode: "Why You Need a Spiritual Director"

Date: October 21, 2025
Host: Fr. James Martin, S.J. (America Media)
Guests: Producer Maggie Van Doren, Fr. Patty Gilgar, S.J.

Episode Overview

This episode delves deeply into the topic of spiritual direction—what it is, why it matters, and practical guidance on how to find a spiritual director. Fr. James Martin and producer Maggie Van Doren are joined by seasoned Jesuit and spiritual director, Fr. Patty Gilgar, S.J., for a candid, insightful conversation about the tradition, practice, and transformative potential of spiritual direction in the Catholic and broader Christian spiritual life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining Spiritual Direction (02:26–04:40)

• Fr. James Martin describes spiritual direction as:

  "Someone who helps you notice where God is active in your prayer and in your daily life." (02:31)

• Distinction between direction and accompaniment: Both are important, but direction involves more active attention to how God is moving in a person's life.
• Historical roots: Spiritual direction dates back to early Christianity, especially the Desert Fathers and Mothers, but became more formalized post-Vatican II.

2. What Spiritual Direction is NOT (04:12–05:31)

• Not confession: It’s not primarily about sins or forgiveness (04:20).
• Not therapy or counseling: While some psychological or therapeutic elements may be present, spiritual direction focuses on spiritual experience and God’s presence, not problem-solving or psychological diagnoses.
• Not just “wise advice”: The director’s job is to help you notice and respond to God, not merely to offer solutions.

Quote:

“It really is about, where is God active? … A spiritual director would say something like, ‘Well, where is God in all this?’ or, ‘Have you brought that to prayer?’ That’s kind of the difference.” — Fr. James Martin (04:40)

3. The Value of Spiritual Direction (05:31–06:59)

• Why have a spiritual director?
  • We often overlook or are blind to God's activity in our lives—an external, trained perspective helps.
  • Spiritual direction is especially crucial during difficult times.
  • Helps recognize patterns, supports growth over years, remembers God’s past presence.
• “Spiritual muscle” analogy: Like physical exercise, our spiritual life needs practice, guidance, and sometimes someone to “spot” or challenge us.

4. Experiences & Challenges in Spiritual Direction (11:16–19:12)

• Patty Gilgar’s approach:

  • Start by helping the person settle, then explain what direction is—and what it’s not.
  • Build mutual vulnerability and trust early on.
  • First question to new directees:

    “Tell me about the last time you felt really close to God. What was it like?” (13:08)

• Naming spiritual experiences:

  “People have experiences of God, but they’re not encouraged to talk about them.” — Fr. Bob Gilroy (15:01)

• Dire need for vocabulary: Many lack the language to speak about God’s presence, so the director helps them articulate these moments.

5. Honest Vulnerability & Fullness of Experience (19:12–21:43)

• Everything is part of our spiritual life, not just “explicitly religious” experiences. Directors encourage openness and recognize all aspects—mundane, secular, even negative—as potential spaces for God’s work.

Quote:

“You can’t just put different parts of your life in a box and store it in a closet. You have to open it all up and show it to God.” — Fr. James Martin (20:53)

• The true mark of a strong spiritual friendship or directorship is honesty, transparency, and willingness to welcome every aspect of life into prayer.

6. Qualities of a Good (and Bad) Spiritual Director (22:37–25:13)

• Seek someone who is trained, not just “holy” (cf. St. Teresa of Avila: prefer wise over holy if you must choose).
• Red flags for untrained directors:
  • Just give advice, don’t listen (22:43)
  • Focus on sin or problem-solving, not God’s presence
  • Are uncomfortable with certain life topics

Quote:

“If all you are doing is listening or sitting there next to somebody and offering them advice... we are not doing the number one thing that a director is supposed to do: help people point their attention back to the Holy Spirit.” — Fr. Patty Gilgar (24:41)

7. Direction in Times of Desolation & Difficulty (28:41–31:10)

• God is not afraid of our desolation: Directors should be comfortable with hard feelings; God can work in anger, sadness, and grief.
• Gradual movement from desolation to consolation:

  “He was almost like he was putting his arm around me… and saying, ‘We’re not looking that direction anymore… now we’re looking over here.’” — Fr. Patty Gilgar (29:00–31:10)

8. Finding and Choosing a Spiritual Director (31:47–33:23, 60:36–62:58)

• Start with relationships and trust:

  • Personal contacts — priests, religious, lay leaders you know.
  • Retreat houses — ask about their spiritual directors.
  • Online directories:
    • Spiritual Directors International
    • Office of Ignatian Spirituality

• Virtual direction is possible and effective, though in-person may sometimes be preferable (62:04–62:59).

9. Prayer Experiences and Holding onto Grace (41:00–45:59)

• Don’t analyze experiences as they’re happening:

  “If you’re getting bored as the director, they are not talking about the Holy Spirit, because the Holy Spirit is not boring.” — Fr. James Martin (26:32)

• Use all your senses and memories to notice God’s presence—in physical sensations, emotions, intellect, memory, and imagination.

• Trust your own experience: The task of the director is helping the directee trust what’s happening in their life and prayer (45:59).

Quote:

“God has spoken to you. What was it like? And that task of trusting our experience... it has always been hard for human beings.” — Fr. Patty Gilgar (45:59)

10. Audience Q&A: Common Questions about Spiritual Direction

Listening for God’s Answers (49:53–52:57)

• God responds in ways that “rhyme” with how God has communicated in the past; be attentive to these familiar movements in prayer or daily life.

Fleeting God-encounters (53:16–56:35)

• Let graceful moments happen—don’t grasp or analyze too tightly. Sometimes God’s presence dissipates quickly, and that’s OK; journaling after prayer helps capture and remember.

Finding a Director and Being a Good Directee (60:36–65:38)

• Monthly meetings are typical (64:36).
• It’s normal, not a luxury, for all; financial arrangements can be made when necessary.
• It’s appropriate and respectful to change directors if it isn’t the right fit (67:09).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On what a director does:

  “The real director, as we know, is the Holy Spirit.” — Fr. James Martin (06:59)

• On not “spiritualizing” away hard feelings:

  “The real God... is not afraid of any part of our human experience.” — Fr. Patty Gilgar (35:04)

• On feeling God’s absence:

  “If God feels distant, guess who moved?” — Fr. Richard Leonard, S.J. (39:15)

• On journaling:

  “Write as if no one will ever read this, which means you don’t have to explain anything... God already knows what happened.” — Fr. Patty Gilgar (56:35)

• On reframing direction:

  “If you’re listening to someone and you’re getting bored... sometimes I just cut through it and say, ‘Where is God in all this?’ ” — Fr. James Martin (59:15)

Practical Takeaways

How to Find a Spiritual Director (60:36–62:58)

• Start with personal contacts or trusted leaders
• Look to retreat centers
• Try online directories (Spiritual Directors International, Jesuits’ Office of Ignatian Spirituality)
• Virtual direction is possible and effective

What to Look for in a Director (63:15)

• Proper training/certification
• Wise and/or holy, per Teresa of Avila—but prioritize wisdom/training
• Ability to listen, not just advise
• Comfort with vulnerability and the full range of your experiences

Frequency & Accessibility (64:36–66:25)

• Once a month is standard
• Direction isn’t only for “professional” Catholics or those on retreat
• Fees are common with lay directors, but can often be managed

If It’s Not a Good Fit (67:09)

• It’s appropriate to move on respectfully; most directors welcome an honest conversation about fit.

Time-Stamped Highlights

• 02:26 — What is spiritual direction?
• 11:16 — Patty Gilgar’s approach and first conversations with directees
• 19:12 — Inclusive understanding: “Everything is part of your spiritual life”
• 24:41 — On the danger of “just listening” and not refocusing on God
• 28:41 — Patiently walking with people through desolation and difficulty
• 35:04 — “God is not afraid of any part of our human experience.”
• 49:53 — How to listen for God’s answers
• 53:16 — When God’s presence feels fleeting; how to hold on
• 60:36 — Where to find a spiritual director
• 64:36 — How often to meet
• 67:09 — Leaving a director respectfully

Closing Reflection

This frank and warm conversation demystifies spiritual direction, demonstrating it as an accessible and profoundly valuable practice for all seekers—whatever your level of experience or place on the spiritual path. Fr. James Martin and Fr. Patty Gilgar offer wisdom, practical advice, and gentle encouragement to find trustworthy guides, be honest and vulnerable in prayer, and trust that all of life is the ground on which we can meet God.

For more information:
Visit americamagazine.org/thespirituallife or submit your questions to the show!