Chris Appleton (2:48)

Thank you for having me. So excited to be here.

Jade Begay (2:50)

This is exciting because I've watched you on the Internet for a very long time. So I'm excited to.

Chris Appleton (2:55)

Crazy place.

Jade Begay (2:56)

In. In a good way. In a good way.

Chris Appleton (2:58)

Don't believe it.

Jade Begay (2:59)

In a good way. No. I'm excited to dive into your book today because I feel like there's a lot of really important things that you cover and are really just like vulnerable and honest about. So thank you for coming and chatting with me.

Chris Appleton (3:13)

I'll be honest, it was pretty brutal really. So, you know, things enable for me to be able to feel like I had a place to speak to people, to help people. I felt like I had to be really vulnerable as to why I validate as having that voice.

Jade Begay (3:27)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (3:28)

So just going that deep in that dock, I said things I never thought I'd say.

Jade Begay (3:32)

Oh, wow.

Chris Appleton (3:32)

Yeah. Once. Things that were so private, I don't think the closest people in my life knew about. And then I'm telling the whole world.

Jade Begay (3:41)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (3:42)

So it was. It was a vulnerable place to be. But I think I had to come from a place of vulnerability to help others.

Jade Begay (3:47)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (3:48)

Feel inspired to want to change or make a move or just for anyone that really has ever just looked in the mirror and been like, is this it?

Jade Begay (3:55)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (3:56)

You know, like, is this. Is this. Or a job that they're unhappy in or a marriage that they don't know how they ended up in an unhappy marriage or friendships or financial situation. It's. There's so many lessons in there to help people. And that's what the reader will find is. It's. It's a way of kind of making your comeback at any age.

Jade Begay (4:13)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (4:14)

Which is, I think, really exciting. And it's kind of what I did as a career. And I've managed to do it with some amazing people, which people obviously know.

Jade Begay (4:21)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (4:21)

The names and faces of the people I've worked with. Which is. Which is great. I'm very grateful for that. But also I've worked with every type of client. Like clients. Clients in a salon. A client that lost their hair to cancer.

Jade Begay (4:34)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (4:35)

A model on. Run on the Runway. And like I say celebrities, and universally, I saw a similar pattern of what happened when someone sat down in my chair and they looked in the mirror.

Jade Begay (4:46)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (4:46)

Because it's the most vulnerable time for sure.

Jade Begay (4:49)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (4:49)

Like, I think you look in the mirror, like, on average, 10 to 15 times a day. It's really rare that you stop and actually really look, though. Like, you glance and you see yourself, you brush your teeth, you do your hair, whatever. But it's not very often that people actually really look and be like, is this. How did I get to this? Like, is this who I am? And like I said, if anyone's ever looked in the mirror and wondered if there's something more, maybe it's, like I said, in your job, or maybe it's a visual thing about how you look. It's really nice to start the conversation of how you can make a change.

Jade Begay (5:19)

Yeah. I feel like with hair stylists, specifically, like, I feel like I was just resonating with what you're saying. When I get my hair done and I have the cape on and I'm looking at myself in the mirror, and most of the time when I'm getting my hair done, I have, like, no makeup on, like, and I'm just sitting there with this cape and I'm staring at myself, and I'm like, oh, my gosh, is this what I look like?

Chris Appleton (5:36)

And in a hater, the voice in your head, we all have the inner. I talk about that in the book. I talk about the. The inner hater. It's awful.

Jade Begay (5:43)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (5:44)

You sit down in that chair and you're like, jesus, am I. Is this you? Like, is the lighting bad? Or am I really looking this old? Or these gray hairs.

Jade Begay (5:51)

Yes.

Chris Appleton (5:52)

And you're like, one side of my lip goes up and the other side goes down. And you're like, am I. Have I. Am I old? I got old. You know, it's like, the voice is savage. It's rare that someone sits in the chair and is like, wow, I look fantastic. I'm going to leave. Thank you very much.

Jade Begay (6:07)

Yeah. Normally takes after the appointment is over, and then you feel better about yourself.

Chris Appleton (6:11)

Once your hair is sitting in the chair. Like they say your hair stylist is like a therapist.

Jade Begay (6:16)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (6:17)

Because there's something about when you sit, you're like, okay, yeah, let me see. And let's see. You know, what the possibilities are. And a lot can happen in that chair. A lot has happened in my chair.

Jade Begay (6:25)

Yeah, I bet. What. What made you decide that now was the time? Because you said it was definitely Hard for you to do what. What made you be like, okay, now this is the time for me to do this.

Chris Appleton (6:36)

I've been doing hair since I was 13. I think now, at 42, most people know Chris Appleton, if you like, as, like, working with celebrities, quite polished looking Instagram, you know, like, oh, wow. Looks like he's got it all together. And I think the reality of it is my life has been far from that.

Jade Begay (6:59)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (6:59)

People perceive you as successful because you work with the people you work with. Again, my life has been far from that, and I've spent much more of my life in shame and in sadness than I have in light and joy and, you know, success. So I really felt it was healthy to, like, pull back the conversation and pull back the curtain behind, like, the glitz and the glamour of it all.

Jade Begay (7:23)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (7:23)

And show the real me, like, the cost of success, what it took to get there, what it's actually like working with celebrities, what it's like, you know, being trolled on social media or what it's like being lost yourself, being in the darkest point of your life yourself. And again, like I say, how to kind of come back from that and to not be identified by your roots. They're always a part of you. We had, like, a quick conversation before we started where I was saying, like, my roots really used to define me.

Jade Begay (7:55)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (7:55)

So much so that I completely abandoned myself. I didn't even realize I did it.

Jade Begay (7:59)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (8:00)

I made a career out of making people look in the mirror and see themselves. And there was a real power in that. I remember when my mom was my first client, I was like. I think I was nine years old. I do a hair. Because we were really poor as kids, my mom and dad had quite a bad upbringing, and we didn't have a lot.

Jade Begay (8:20)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (8:21)

So I used to try and make my mom look like a Hollywood star. I'd wanted to try and look glamorous.

Jade Begay (8:24)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (8:25)

I was never very good at school. I was dyslexic, so it wasn't something that I felt like I was ever seen. I was kind of told I was stupid, but when I did hair, I felt so alive. And I felt that when, like, my mom stood up and looked in the mirror, she responded. She stood taller. Like, her shoulders went back, and for a minute, she forgot she was a working woman of five. And she saw something new, something that she hadn't seen before. And that, to me, was so amazing. I was like, wow, this is like a superpower. You get to meet people, really feel something. So I kind of get to do that now with, you know, amazing clients, which has been great. But.

Jade Begay (9:01)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (9:01)

I also have done it with people that have lost their hair because of cancer.

Jade Begay (9:04)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (9:05)

And I realized that identity is such a big thing, Even the people that play it off. And it's like, I've had the same hair all my life. I don't care. Yeah. But that same hair has been really significant to your identity. If you think about celebrities, like, think about Anna Wintour.

Jade Begay (9:17)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (9:17)

The 13 you'd probably iconically know is her bob.

Jade Begay (9:20)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (9:20)

Ariana Grande. The ponytail.

Jade Begay (9:22)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (9:22)

You know, Kim K. The long, sleek, dark hair. JLo. That kind of like, golden balayage pop of color with the curtain bangs, you know, Lady Gaga, platinum blonde. Marilyn Monroe. Platinum, you know.

Jade Begay (9:35)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (9:35)

Hair is. It says so much about you. Even if you want to play it down as you don't care about your appearance, hair says so much about your identity and the person you are. And a lot of people don't even know why they've got what they've got.

Jade Begay (9:46)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (9:46)

It's usually because a version of themselves. As a kid, someone said, like, you suit bangs. You don't sue not having bangs. Or, yeah, you only suit being blonde. You don't suit being brunette. So what I noticed when people were sat in my chair is like, we would talk about different options because I was never that kind of hair stylist. That was like, okay, what are we doing today? Same as usual.

Jade Begay (10:05)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (10:06)

I was always like, all right, well, tell me, like, about you. And they'll be like, well, okay, you know, and so tell me where you're at. Where have you, you know, ever wanted to go like, is there anyone's hair you aspire to look like? Is there anyone?

Jade Begay (10:18)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (10:19)

And they'd be like, well, yeah, you know, I love this look, but I know. I know I can't do that.

Jade Begay (10:22)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (10:23)

And I'd be like, well, why? Who told you you can't do that? And they'd be like, well, I. I just. No, I can't do that. And they wouldn't even be really know. And probably once, like, 20 years ago, someone said that, yeah, this is who you are. And then you end up carrying it your whole life.

Jade Begay (10:37)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (10:37)

And it's not necessarily even yours. You've just inherited it. And that's why we called the book your roots don't define you. Because so much of our life, we let it define us.

Jade Begay (10:45)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (10:45)

And it's about knowing that you can reinvent yourself at any age. And, yes, a lot of it is about External. So there is that cosmetic look to it. It's kind of what I do and what people know. But so much of it and the real heart of it is internal. Because once you get that alignment of external and internal and they are aligned.

Jade Begay (11:04)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (11:05)

Is really when the magic happens. And I think that's what I created with the people I worked with and everyone that sat in my chair universally, whether they lost the hairdry to cancer, if they were forming at the super bowl, or if they were walking down a show on the Runway.

Jade Begay (11:19)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (11:20)

When those things are aligned is when the magic happened, which is when, like a cancer patient would turn around to me and say, I feel like I can fight this now. Or, you know, someone could go out there, perform at the super bowl and feel amazing and feel confident, feel great. You know, feel like she's ready to face the world or, you know, a model that's insecure about the way she looks and she's going to walk down the Runway for the first time. It worked universally.

Jade Begay (11:45)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (11:46)

So it really isn't a superficial thing. It's much more internal.

Jade Begay (11:49)

Yeah, I love it. Lately, my life has felt like a constant juggling act. Between work, social plans, travel, trying to move my body and still show up for myself. There are so many days where my own health ends up taking a backseat. I'll look up and realize I've been running around all day, answering emails, hopping from one thing to the next, and haven't actually fueled myself in the way that feels good. And that's exactly where premier protein comes in for me. On those busy days when I need something quick, convenient and actually satisfying, Premier protein has become my go to. It's the kind of thing that I can grab without slowing down but still feel good after choosing. Whether I'm heading out the door, need an afternoon boost, or just want something easy that fits into my routine. It makes fueling myself feel simple instead of stressful. And honestly, it tastes amazing. I always keep the vanilla on hand. It's my favorite flavor and it makes it so easy to reach for something that I actually enjoy and look forward to having. What I also really appreciate is that premier protein fits into real life. It's not just for intense gym sessions or hardcore workout days. Is for everything you need fuel for. With 30 grams of protein and tons of delicious flavors, Premier protein isn't just for those who get after fitness. It's for those who get after life. It's for squeezing in a walk, showing up to a meeting, feeling ready, saying yes to plans with friends, winning game night or even mastering a new recipe for a dinner party. That's why it feels like such an easy, smart choice. Find your favorite flavor@premierprotein.com that's P R E M I E R P R O t e I n.com or at Amazon, Walmart or other major retailers. When dinner time hits and your fridge is full of question marks, Butcherbox has your back. Especially this time of year when routines are resetting and everyone is trying to start strong. The last thing I want to do is overthink what we're making or run to the store one more time. High quality protein shows up at my door and I can build simple meals around it without feeling like I'm starting from scratch every night. What I appreciate is the variety and the options. ButcherBox delivers 100 premium protein options straight to your door, including 100% grass fed beef, free range organic chicken, crate free pork and wild caught seafood. And everything is held to the same rigorous standards. Whether you're cooking something nicer like a filet or keeping it simple with something quick and kid friendly and and the customization makes it actually work for real life, you can pick the plan that fits your routine, goals and schedule. In my box, I usually grab a mix of go to staples that make weeknights easier and feel like a win every time I open the freezer. For me, that looks like ground beef, salmon and chicken breast because they're versatile and I can do a million different meals without getting bored. For over a decade, Butcherbox has led the industry with meat and seafood that's antibiotic free, hormone free and independently verified. It's the clean, trustworthy protein you want to be eating, especially at the start of a new year. As an exclusive offer, new listeners can get their choice between filet mignon, New York strip or chicken breast in every box for a year, plus $20 off when you go to butcherbox.com squeeze that's right, your choice of filet mignon, a New York strip or chicken breast in every box for an entire year plus $20 off your first box and free shipping always. That's butcherbox.com squeeze don't forget to use our link so they know that we sent you. Okay, it's January 2026, which means people are doing all kinds of resets. New routines, new habits, fresh starts. And today I want to introduce one of those that is honestly simple, underrated and kind of life improving. But January not in a dramatic reinvent yourself way, more in a let's upgrade the everyday stuff way. Because the truth is a lot of us are still using dry toilet paper like it's the best option. That's where Good Wipes comes in. Good Wipes makes flushable wipes that are designed with just the right amount of cleansing solution to help make you feel clean and refreshed. They're made with plant based fibers that are designed to break down easily so they're actually flushable. And they're made with cleaning ingredients that are gentle on the skin. One of the biggest reasons I like them is that they're made for sensitive skin. They're thoroughly tested, super gentle, and they don't leave behind residue or irritation.

Chris Appleton (16:11)

They.

Jade Begay (16:11)

They also have really nice scent options that are clean and subtle, not overpowering options like rose water, shea cocoa, lavender, and botanical bliss. My favorite is the lavender. It's one of those small changes that makes every day feel a little more put together. You don't have to overhaul your entire life in January. Sometimes you just have to upgrade one simple routine and it makes a bigger difference than you expect. So if you want to try Wet January with me and honestly keep it going throughout the year, grab Good Wipes at Target or Walmart to upgrade your restroom routine. As a special offer for the squeeze listeners, Good Wipes is giving you your first pack for free. All you have to do is buy a pack in store, text them your receipt, and get reimbursed almost immediately. For details, head to goodwipes.com squeeze again. That's goodwipes.com squeeze to snag a free pack of Good Wipes. Oh, could this vintage store be any cuter? Right, and the best part? They accept Discover. Accept discovery in a little place like this?

Chris Appleton (17:08)

I don't think so, Jennifer.

Jade Begay (17:10)

Oh yeah, huh? Discover's accepted where I like to shop. Come on, baby, get with the times.

Chris Appleton (17:15)

Right, so we shouldn't get the parachute pants.

Jade Begay (17:19)

These are making a comeback, I think. Discover is accepted at 99 of places that take credit cards nationwide, based on the February 2025 Nielsen report. So you mentioned a little bit about your mom and growing up. You said you started hair when you were young. Did you always want to pursue hair? Like what? What made you decide to dream big? Because I think that's a big through line throughout your book is growing up and being put in a situation that maybe the odds were against you and really believing in yourself to chase your dreams. What was that like growing up for you?

Chris Appleton (18:02)

I mean, growing up in northern like, No, I say Northern people were like, no, it's the middle. It's the Midlands. Available in it's right in the middle, in the. It's not London, it's not la. It's not New York. And when I was a kid, I got a job at the age of 13 in a hair salon. And because of that, I was really quickly labeled as being gay. They were people, like guys would. And girls would be like, oh, you're gay. And I'd be like, no, I'm not. I just do hair. But I didn't. I didn't even had sex. I didn't know about. I wasn't really thinking about sexuality at the time.

Jade Begay (18:34)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (18:34)

But very quickly, I was labeled as something that was bad. And it wasn't as though anyone was saying it in a nice way. They were like, you get. You know, it was.

Jade Begay (18:40)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (18:40)

I was like, I don't want to be that. And I was also told I was stupid a lot because at school I was dyslexic. So I didn't really take any information off the board like everyone else did. I needed to more talk about it and bring color to it. Like, I needed it to be out there and alive, but that wasn't the done way. So I was just labeled stupid, stupid and put in the special needs class. So I think hair was the first time that I really found something that I was good at.

Jade Begay (19:05)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (19:05)

So when I found something I was good at, I was like, I'm gonna be the best at this. I'm gonna. I'm gonna be the best at this. I'm going to show everyone.

Jade Begay (19:11)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (19:12)

So I think you really focus. I really, I guess, unconsciously abandoned myself. I left that person that I felt was bad or wrong and really just got into a mindset of, like, I need to be successful. I need to get out of this. I need to show everyone and prove everyone I'm wrong.

Jade Begay (19:30)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (19:31)

And it's actually really sad to, I guess, go back to that little boy that I did abandon. And part of healing was going back to that. Because for a long time, I didn't even like going back to England. I'd made the big move to America.

Jade Begay (19:44)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (19:45)

My life changed. I would go back to England and have a panic attack. I literally would be hyperventilating. I did not know what was wrong with me. I didn't know what I did. I wasn't conscious. I was going to feel that way. But I landed. And I remember I started to see some of the things that I recognized, and I was like, I can't be here. I need to get back to the life I've just made.

Jade Begay (20:01)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (20:01)

Because so much of my childhood was. I was. I was so bullied, like, aggressively, you know, like spat on, punched, beating up, like I hadn't done anything. I wasn't even. I wasn't even gay. I wasn't even having a relationship. I had more girlfriends than I did anything. But because I did something different, I was labeled at that. So I think I really got focused on trying to, like, prove everyone that I was not these things that I was told. But in doing that, like I say, I really abandoned myself. And I think I feel really sad about that, that, that, you know, I. And I think a lot of people do that. A lot of people ashamed into being a version of themselves or told they should do this. Even in career move. It's like, yeah, you shouldn't do that. You should do this. And that's why I put the book together. I put the. I put the book together to really help people share to some of these opinions and views that have been put on them that they carry and they don't even really realize.

Jade Begay (20:56)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (20:56)

So it's a little sort of handbook into looking in the mirror and being able to actually see yourself for who you are and where and also more importantly, who you want to be.

Jade Begay (21:06)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (21:06)

And there's really great steps in there that actually take you along into seeing that and finding out who you are. And I think once you see yourself and once you look, you can't unsee it.

Jade Begay (21:17)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (21:18)

A lot changes. And you really realize how you've abandoned yourself. You realize how you make. Even if you're like a mother or a father.

Jade Begay (21:24)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (21:24)

Like how you make it all about the kids or all about the family or. And it's kind of like to the extreme where you don't give yourself anything. And that's why I noticed when I worked in the salon, mums that had, like, had their kids grow up and go to college.

Jade Begay (21:36)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (21:36)

All of a sudden were like, really lost because they had no identity left. Because they'd put their identity in the kids for sure. Which I get. We all do that as parents. I'm not saying that' healthy, but I think it's really important to be able to come back to yourself. And, you know, you only get one life and you're living it, so you might as well try and make it as colorful and, as, you know, good a place to be as possible.

Jade Begay (21:53)

Yeah. Oh, for sure. What would you say to someone who is scared to go after their dreams, whether they're a young kid listening to this, about to go to college or A mom whose kids are off to college and she wants a career change. What advice would you give them from what you've kind of dealt with in your own life?

Chris Appleton (22:15)

I think fear is, like, a really powerful word. And I'll tell you a story, actually about a time I had fear. This is kind of related to a celebrity, and it's a time that, honestly, honestly, if I'd have given into this, like, none of this would have happened. I won't be here, the book won't be written. I'd be still in Leicester. I. I basically had just moved to America and my career was like a steady build. I got qualified in the salon. I wanted to be the top stylist. I kept working towards that. And then I started to do competitions. I noticed there was hair outside of that. Yeah, I lost a lot of times, and then I finally won one. And then I. I did a TV show which was a bit like the Great British Bake off, but of hair.

Jade Begay (22:57)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (22:58)

So. And I won that. Fortunately, I don't know. And everything was just like a little leapfrog into the next thing. So then that led me to this kind of place where I was working a little bit behind the vaccines at, like, fashion shows. I was only passing pins, but I was like a sponge, just absorbing everything.

Jade Begay (23:11)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (23:11)

Then I was booking, like, magazines, just small ones, like, for papers and stuff. And I started to work with makeup artists and they worked with celebrities, and they were like, oh, I work with this celebrity. So I'd done a little bit of celebrity and got in there. And then I decided one day, after I got an email from someone which is. I mean, you know, she's an absolute icon, Jennifer Lopez. And, yeah, I did what everyone would do. I deleted it because I was like, well, the spam, you know, it's like one of those emails, like, you're a millionaire. Just fill out this form and give us your information and your bank details. You're like, no, no, no, I'm not gonna do this. So I did what I thought was the right thing and delete it. And then a few weeks later, I got another email. I was like, oh, maybe. Maybe this is not. But then I was like, how does JLo know who I am? I'm just Chris. Just Chris from Leicester. Like, I said, well, maybe she. And it was the time of social media. I'd started to post my work a lot. I was making a clear kind of platform for what my work was. I was working with Rita, or at the time, I was constantly changing. Her hair was short. Then long, and it was like different colors. And, you know, I was just showcasing my work, and I kind of thought to myself, well, maybe if I go to America, like, I could make it work. Maybe that's the bigger thing. So I moved to America. I. I literally packed two suitcases. I left my apartment. I left everything. And I went to America with a dream. I'm gonna do this. Fell flat on my face. I didn't work for months. You know, everyone comes to Hollywood with a dream, and, yeah, it doesn't always work out. And I kind of spent all my money, but I'm also a father at that point, so I have two kids to support. And I eventually got the void, the call to do the Voice with Christina Aguilera. So I'm like, wow, my moment has come. This is great. I get to shine. But then I kind of. The fear came in. I'm like, wow. But she's Christina Aguilera. Yeah, she's done everything. She's, like, amazing. She's an icon. Turned up with the voice and there was three hours for glam, so it was plenty of time. Yeah, I can get to know her. We can discuss the looks. We can have some fun. The makeup artist went in because they had a relationship, and I was waiting outside the trailer. So, like, an hour went by. I'm still not gone in, so I'm like, well, maybe I'm like a backup because, you know, self doubt is coming. I'm like, I'm probably just a backup. Like, yeah. Another hour went by, and I'm, like, feeling really nervous. And then the last 20 minutes before the live show, I got called in. So I'm like, well, hair's probably going to be done because, you know, it's only 20 minutes of, like, it's probably going to be done. I'll just be finishing it off. Well, it wasn't. It was ready to be done. So I was like, oh, bugger. Like, what am I gonna do? So I was like, I know I had all these wigs prepped and all these hair pieces, and, you know, the life of celebrity, it's a demanding job of, like, changing your lookup. So wigs and pieces can be a really fun way to do that. So I said, oh, you know, I'd love to try this wig. It was, like, a little ashier than her hair. It was like a bit of a Hollywood wave. And I kind of thought, oh, this is a great way to sort of do something good. And it's going to be fast. And she's. I. I Don't like wigs. And I was like, oh, okay. Yeah. I was like, okay, yeah. And in that moment, I. She was great. She wasn't being anything but. But. But kind and nice, and she just knew she would wore wigs and maybe not liked it, but I thought she was saying, I see you, Chris, you're an imposter. Like, what are you doing here? A little guy from Leicester. You think you can come in here and work with me? You know? And I just literally felt so small. And I remember feeling fear coming in. Like, I felt it in my stomach. And if you ever felt that fear, it, like, goes over your body. I feel like it, like, just paralyzes you, you know, and you, like, kind of get hazy in your head. And I did that thing that hairdressers do where they start, like, moving the hair. They just like. Kind of. Hairdressers basically do that when they don't know what they're doing. They just kind of fiddle. It's like a. They're just fiddling. Yeah. Moving it in different directions. Like, what are we doing here? Whatever. We're trying to figure it out.

Jade Begay (27:05)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (27:05)

And then I had this moment, it was very defining where I heard this voice, and it was actually the mother of my kids, Kate. Because on the way over, she said to me, look, Chris, if you don't make this work, you're gonna have to come. You can't. Yeah, keep doing this. You know, and hearing her voice and thinking about my kids, it really just kind of brought me back to myself. It took me from that fearful place of going back to when I was, like, 13 and felt small and insecure and wrong. And I came back into my adult self and I was like, you know, I actually know what I'm doing. Like, I've been practicing this for the last 30 years. I am. I think this is going to be great. And I thought, if she doesn't like what I do because she doesn't like it, then that's fine. But if I don't get to even at least show her, I'm always going to kick myself. So I got the wig and I was like, let's just try this. Because you never tried these pieces. Let's just try this. How to put it on? And she's like, oh. Because it wasn't like a full wig. It was like behind the hair, and it was just like a piece on the back. But, yeah, she was like, oh, I like it. So I quickly put it on. I, like, bury a hair underneath. She goes out on the Stage. And that's it. Welcome to, like, social media. Because all of a sudden, everyone's gonna have an opinion.

Jade Begay (28:03)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (28:03)

And when it's good, it's great. And when it's bad, it's not. So I'm like, oh, God, please hope this is gonna be okay. And then she came off stage. It was the little break. And she just kind of looked over at me and she's like, everyone likes your wig. And then she carried on, like, talking to the contestants. And in that moment, I like, yes, I did it. And, like, it is the one defining moment that, honestly, if I'd have given into that fear that was literally coming over me, like, yeah. I don't know, like, it was, like, paralyzing. None of my career would have happened. I would have gone back to Lester and I probably would have believed everything that I was told, that I wasn't good enough. That was stupid. And I was. I was. I was told to stay small.

Jade Begay (28:43)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (28:44)

But I think there's so much to be said for, like, people telling these stories and explaining that, like, it isn't easy and there's plenty of times that we fall on our face, but it's what you do after. It's how you choose to pick yourself up and move on. It's not about deleting the past. And for a long time, I thought it was about erasing my vast.

Jade Begay (29:04)

Mm.

Chris Appleton (29:04)

It's actually about understanding that your past is a part of you and, you know, it evolves you to be the next version of yourself and that reinvention isn't got an age on it. Yeah, anyone can reinvent themselves and have that come back at any age.

Jade Begay (29:19)

Yeah, I love that. If you're craving something that feels real, layered, and genuinely engaging, this is a show worth adding to your listen list. Jaded is a weekly series where cultural tastemakers and disruptors let their guard down and speak openly about success, struggle, and everything in between. There are no polished highlight reels here. Instead, the focus is on the behind the scenes moments, the pivots, the doubts, and the experiences that shape who people become. Hosted by Jade Begay, each episode weaves candid interviews with unscripted in the moment conversation. The results feel intimate and dynamic, like getting a backstage pass to discussions that usually stay private. It's conversational, honest, and refreshingly unfiltered. Listeners will hear hard earned lessons in leadership, the messy realities of chasing your passions, and the small but meaningful life hacks that help people keep moving forward. When skepticism starts to creep in, Jaded leans into nuance. 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Chris Appleton (34:28)

Because I feel like, you know, how.

Jade Begay (34:29)

Do you have been. I can just, I, I feel it like, I feel like. Because you've done it kind of. Yeah. So I've talked, I talk a lot about it, but just in the way you talk about your younger set.

Chris Appleton (34:39)

I'll tell you truth, I thought it was such a load of when I first heard about it, really. I have this therapist and he's great. Yeah, he's really nice. I love him. He's such a nice guy and very knowledgeable. And I kept saying, why do I keep getting myself into this situation? Why do I keep going out with it? Why do I keep getting into the same.

Jade Begay (34:55)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (34:56)

Situation every time with the same outcome? I was like, I need to change this pattern of what I'm doing.

Jade Begay (35:00)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (35:01)

And it was regard to dating. So I'm like, just say I was trying to go right. But it was regards to dating. So I'm like, why do I keep ending up with the same thing? And he's like, trying to help me understand it and break it down. He's like, I want to go back to, like, a younger memory of yours. And I'm like, oh, here we go. So he's like, you want to close your eyes? And I'm like, oh, we're gonna close my eyes. So I close my eyes. And he's like, you know, I want you to think of it. Time in your life. And I remember this image. I was, like, 6 years old. I was at the window. I remember looking out. It was pretty gloomy in England. And I remember feeling like I didn't really belong. I was different to my sisters. I was different to my brothers in. In every way. And I just felt like I didn't really belong. I felt off.

Jade Begay (35:40)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (35:40)

I didn't really feel seen. And one of five kids.

Jade Begay (35:44)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (35:44)

Life was busy. And he's like, you know, so how do you think that looks? Little kid fell. And I'm like, well, you know, probably felt lonely, like, sad and unsure. And he's like, well, what would you say to that little kid? And I was like, well, if it was my little kid, I would say, you're great. You're just enough just the way you are. You're gonna have an amazing life. And you might feel a bit different now, but that's going to be your superpower as you get older. And, you know, and I was like. All of a sudden, I was not just crying, like, sobbing, like, hysterically, like, ugly crying, couldn't breathe. And I was like, what did you do? I said, what. What did you say? Because it wouldn't leave me. I was like, what the. What have you? It was like, pulled this plug inside of me and this flood. So anyone that watching might think, oh, this is, like, whatever. Honestly, really, it really works. It was a very intense moment, and I realized I'd abused myself my whole life. I spoke so badly. I took those voices that people spoke to me and said that it was a piece of. I was gay, I was stupid. I took all those things. I believed it, and I ran away from it. And I abandoned that little boy very young, and I left that kid. And I think part of the inner child work is just about coming back to him. And that was really, like, the changing point in my whole life, because I realized I was making everything about everyone else. I was, like, doing.

Jade Begay (37:09)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (37:11)

So much for other people, trying to build them up. But that was breaking me, you know, like, loving someone so much. But the reality of it is that was breaking me.

Jade Begay (37:23)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (37:24)

For whatever the reasons were And I realized that was just so unhealthy, and I didn't want to do that anymore, and I wanted to see that little boy. And I. And. And it changed everything because once I learned that, look, I still have that inner hater voice that we all have. Everyone always has it. It's not as though you're going to read the book or read any book or spe. Anyone, and you're going to be fixed. Like, it's a journey, and it should be, because you're always evolving into new things. But the difference is, like, if I do get that voice that comes up now, it's a lot quieter, and I don't get it for so long, and I'll register. I'm like, oh, I'm doing that thing that I do, and you can come back to yourself for sure. So it's not a lot because, you know, sometimes pretend people are like, oh, I say this, and you're all fixed. It's really not like that. It's just you learn how to sort of navigate. Like, I've been down that road before, and it really didn't work out, so I'm gonna avoid it. Yeah. Even I might be still attracted to it.

Jade Begay (38:21)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (38:22)

Because I still get that. I still am attracted to certain situations. And I'm like, it doesn't work for me. It's not healthy.

Jade Begay (38:29)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (38:29)

I'm gonna, you know, bypass it. So it's. It's not as though you completely fix. But, you know, you. You learn, you grow, and you evolve into, you know, someone that is. That can sit with themselves, look at themselves in the mirror and feel actually pretty proud or happy with where you're at.

Jade Begay (38:43)

Yeah. Just, like, speaking kinder to yourself. I always say, like, could you be.

Chris Appleton (38:49)

Honest and tell me one thing, like, you're in a hater says about you?

Jade Begay (38:53)

Probably that I, like, maybe that I'm not good enough.

Chris Appleton (38:57)

Like, that's a good one.

Jade Begay (38:58)

I work. I'm like, I work really hard, and I, like, feel like I have to do everything or it won't get done or, like, totally. That's my thing.

Chris Appleton (39:08)

And for anyone listening that's ever, like, said, like, I'm spiraling, you know? You know, you go in that place, it's like you just. You just don't spiral as much. You kind of can stop yourself. You're like, I'm doing that thing.

Jade Begay (39:16)

Yeah. For what it's worth, you're doing great, sweetie. Thank you. Thank you. He touched on it a little bit, and I think, obviously we've been talking about Fear and fear of disappointing your kids and your ex wife as well was something that you struggled with before coming out. And I think no matter what it is, if it's something that is like that or even something smaller that isn't as drastically life changing to the people around you, it can. The fear of disappointing people can definitely hold you back. And I think you and I are similar in the sense of like people pleasing and putting other people's.

Chris Appleton (40:01)

Yeah.

Jade Begay (40:02)

Feelings and opinions first. And then that just ends up hurting us during that and we don't even like realize that that's happening. And with that can definitely like build up a sense of like shame around it. And it's just something that slowly builds and it may not even be something that I feel like sometimes I don't even notice that is kind of building in me. But then it gets to a point where it's kind of too big to even handle or notice. What has kind of helped you heal from dealing with that fear or shame of disappointing the ones that you love?

Chris Appleton (40:43)

I mean, probably. I mean, I think because it's been so extreme. Yeah, you like, It's interesting because even when I think about. I have to pause because it's hard to talk about still, even now. But yeah, you know, when I came out at 26, it was so hard because not only was I trying to understand what was going on and everyone said like, you knew, you always knew. Like when I did the Jay Shetty podcast, like I saw a lot of people comment saying like, you always knew you were gay. You put that woman through like hell. And honestly, it's not the truth. Like at a young age when I was told I was these things that seemed bad before, I'd really kind of delved into it. I was very focused on just not being that. I didn't really entertain it. Your brain is really powerful how you can just like unsee something. Yeah, but only for so long. And it was like at the age of 26 where when I realized that I just try, I had to try and understand what the hell was going on. And then not only was I trying to understand that, I was trying to explain it to other people.

Jade Begay (41:57)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (41:59)

The people I love the most, I was also hurting. And I felt that I was bringing that shame I had as a child onto them. I felt like, oh, they're gonna get bullied, they're gonna get picked on now, they're gonna have a gay dad. It's gonna be hell. And you know, that to me was the limit. Like I couldn't Comprehend hurting my own children. Because all you want to do as a dad is. Or as a parent is just protect your kids. That's your job. That's who you want to be. It's just internal. It's just an instinct.

Jade Begay (42:27)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (42:27)

To be the one that's hurting them. Well, I'd always put them before me, and I just felt like it would be better if I wasn't there than to be gay. I just. I couldn't process it. I. I just couldn't. I didn't. I didn't want to process. I didn't want to be it if it was. It felt like a cancer that I wanted to cut out.

Jade Begay (42:48)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (42:51)

And I tried everything to try and get rid of it, and I couldn't. So I did try and end my life, and it didn't work because I was found. I mean, Kate, who is the mother of my kids, she is like my saving grace, but she. They found me anyway. And I think when I laid in that hospital bed, I was in there for a while. And I remember things myself. Well, what now? And it wasn't like a big thing. It wasn't loud. I just remember feeling like I couldn't have hated myself anymore. I couldn't have wanted to be anyone else than me. And I realized I'd spent my whole life trying to be somewhere else.

Jade Begay (43:31)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (43:31)

Or be someone else. And I didn't know how to get back to myself because it was a lot of years in the gap of, like, getting back to myself. And I couldn't fill those years overnight. And I think in that moment, I just surrendered. I just. I just sort of said, what's the opposite I could do? I could just. If I'm going to be here, I can't change it. So maybe if I'm just accepting of it.

Jade Begay (43:53)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (43:54)

I don't really know what is going to be next, and I don't really know how to move forward with it. But what about if I just accept it?

Jade Begay (44:05)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (44:06)

And try and deal with the next step after that. But step one is just saying, this is who I am.

Jade Begay (44:11)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (44:11)

I think it's probably the first time I'd said that since I was a kid. And I think it's the first time I'd seen myself in a long time. And like I said, I'd made a career out of making other people see themselves, which was really powerful. I love that I felt like a superpower. I loved making people feel alive and, like, becoming their best version of themselves and allowing them to be who they wanted to be. I just never allowed myself.

Jade Begay (44:32)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (44:33)

So shame is such a powerful thing, and I carried it so heavily that I think. I don't think I would allow myself to get to that place again because I'm in a different place now. I have come back to myself. I don't think I could have, like, gone ahead of, like, living with shame if I hadn't have done the work of coming back to myself and filling in the gaps, which I just, like, blocked.

Jade Begay (45:02)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (45:04)

But it's the best thing you can ever do. It's brutal. It's not easy to do, but it's the best thing you can ever do.

Jade Begay (45:09)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (45:10)

Because when you, like I say, you might. If you're aligned on the outside, you look great. Who cares if you go home and you're crying at night? You know, like, who cares if you're miserable? And it. You know, there's so many complications you can get from that in, you know, controlling what you eat, controlling how you look. You know, it can get so. So intense and. And can escalate in other areas of your life. And I just. I just wanted to be more whole. I felt like I owed that to my kids. To be a good dad. Yeah. To. To show them to be proud of who they are.

Jade Begay (45:40)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (45:41)

Even though the circumstances were awful. But, you know, I think I just decided to make a change, and when I did, everything changed, and it wasn't overnight.

Jade Begay (45:52)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (45:52)

It takes time. I think that's the thing of changes. Like, people think it can just happen. Takes time, and it's not always easy, but it's the best thing you can ever do.

Jade Begay (46:00)

Are you prepared for people to, like, read this and comment on it? Like, how are you? Are you at a place where you're like, people can say whatever they want?

Chris Appleton (46:08)

I mean, I think you would be like, I don't know. I don't know if I believe it when people go, I don't care. Like, I. I mean, I think if you're human, then you will always have an instinct to feel.

Jade Begay (46:22)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (46:23)

One way or the other. I kind of like opinions. I don't mind discussions. I think it's healthy.

Jade Begay (46:31)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (46:33)

And I think I've shared what I want to share, and I hope, like I say, it inspires a lot of people. I think the whole thing of social media and people having so many opinions now, I think it's really good. And I think there's so much that is good that has come from it.

Jade Begay (46:48)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (46:49)

We knew so much now about everything.

Jade Begay (46:52)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (46:52)

You know, apparently, like, a hundred years ago, people Only knew in a whole lifetime what we know in a day or something. Like, you know, because anytime like you just Google everything, even like chat GBT now. Write me a letter, write me this email. You don't even have to think, you know, it just does it all for you. So I think it's just like the world we live in. I'm just using used to it. I'm just used to everyone having an opinion and a discussion about things. And I think there's a healthiness to it. I don't love it when people jump on a bandwagon and, and just want to be like heard. I don't know if that's always healthy.

Jade Begay (47:19)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (47:20)

You know, you hear one thing trending and then it was like I, I, I went there once and this place, you know, and I'm like, did you, you know.

Jade Begay (47:25)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (47:26)

But I understand that we, it's a platform where people get to express themselves and I'm cool with that. Like, I think it's, I think it's, I don't know, I think there's more good than bad.

Jade Begay (47:37)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (47:38)

And I know people can like say bad things about social media, but I'll be honest, like I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for social media because JLo wouldn't be seeing me in Leicester of England when she was in Hollywood.

Jade Begay (47:48)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (47:48)

You know, so yes, it does put the eyes on you and it can be bad, but it can also be for great things. And I think it's just how you navigate it really. And yeah, I mean I know who I am. I know who I am as a dad. I know who, how important the people are around me that I love and I'm, I'm proud of that. So I'm really proud to put it out and I really hope people see the good in it. And also there's a lot of really funny stories that, you know, I think a lot of people don't really know that about me. I love to laugh. I'm always being stupid. You know, they proceed that more like polished version and again I wanted to like pull that back a little and be like keeping it real.

Jade Begay (48:26)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (48:27)

So hopefully with that realness and that rawness, people relate to it.

Jade Begay (48:30)

Yeah, I love that. What is self care look like to you? What are tools or practices that you like to implement when you maybe feel you need a little self love? Mental health care.

Chris Appleton (48:43)

I just look in the mirror and I say a few words. I just say like, bitches ain't shit and they ain't say nothing. 100 motherfuckers can't tell me nothing. I beast in the train.

Jade Begay (48:55)

It's beautiful.

Chris Appleton (48:57)

I just have. We were laughing. So, like, if this. There's these funny things on Tick Tock where there's these woman, she's in like a core and she's really serious and she's saying this. I just love Tick Tock and Instagram. I think it's hilarious. No, what do I do when I'm feeling. What, sad? Yeah.

Jade Begay (49:12)

Yeah. If you're. What do you do to keep your mental health stupid?

Chris Appleton (49:16)

Stuff like that. Just laugh. Take myself out of it. I just. Yeah, I just am like, oh, my God, those lemons, are they really. I don't know. I'll just be like, I'll just think of something. I've got, like, a really creative mind. I'm always making, like. I'll, like, do funny things, like tricks to my family or like little friends, or I'm like, trying to scare someone or I'll caught up with my friend the other day, Bethany Frankel. And I'm like, babe. And she's like, what? And I'm like, did you mean to post that? And she's like, oh, my gosh. What? And I'm like, that selfie. Your boobs are out. Like, I can literally see you. But she said, what are you on about? And I'm like, you've got like a selfie in the mirror and your boobs are out. And she's like, what do you want? No, I didn't. And she's like, going into this fun part and I'm like, pissing myself and I just did it for no apparent reason.

Jade Begay (49:57)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (49:57)

I don't think it's good to like, like, keep it real in life. Sometimes you get so freaking lost in, like. I mean, I can't tell you how many emails and texts and stuff I've heard about this book. And then, like, there's so much going on, like, all the time. Like, you, your job. And then for sure, you know, kids and just being a, you know, dad. And my parents now, I'm like the parent to them, you know, as I've got older. It's funny. I'm sure most people can relate to life being kind of crazy and sometimes you just gotta laugh and.

Jade Begay (50:22)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (50:23)

Be a bit more real about it and, you know, not take it too seriously. We're not necessarily saving lives. So I think I just try and. Yeah, laughter is really powerful. Like just having a little laugh and breaking the ice and just. I love that. I think there's a beauty in being able to just have that, like, real laugh that you can have with the people you love or your friends or.

Jade Begay (50:42)

Family, for sure, you know? Yeah. Well, last question I have for you is, I love to know what you're most proud of yourself for.

Chris Appleton (50:49)

Oh, easy. You wonder what it is? Oh, I didn't know if it was related to it. Oh.

Jade Begay (50:58)

Oh, no, no. I just feel like it's important because a lot of times people I ask them and they're like, I don't. I don't know. Like, I've never, like. I think it's important that we take the time to kind of, like, reflect on how we've grown and how we've changed in life.

Chris Appleton (51:11)

So.

Jade Begay (51:11)

Yeah. What do you want?

Chris Appleton (51:11)

My greatest achievement. The thing I'm the most proud of, without doubt. And you can take everything away from me. You can take my job, you can take my finances, you can take my house. You can take whatever. I am so grateful for my two kids. They are. They bring me so much Joy. Like, I'm 42. My daughter's 21, my son's 23, and I'm so proud of them. And that my. One of my greatest achievements, I think, is bringing them to America and getting them away from the small town they grew up in, where life is a little bit smaller and, you know, opportunities are less, and bringing them to set. And, you know, it wasn't forceful. It was like, come see what you think. And the way they've blossomed and the way they've grown. I mean, my mom, my daughter Kitty, when she first came to la, she couldn't even look at someone in the eye to order food. You know, I. I remember being like, oh, my God, why can't you? Like, you know, because it's just the way she was kind of like, I guess around her friends or around people where she kind of, again, like, her roots were defining her. And I was like, you need to make eye contact. And like, now she. You know, the way she communicates in the way she talks to me, she's telling me things, and I'm like, oh, my God, you have grown into the most beautiful woman. And my son, the way he has gone about, you know, his career choice, because it's completely different to me. He's in, like, sports and business couldn't be further. I don't know what the. You know, but I'll support him. But just the way he's so, like, organized with his businesses and such a. I don't know, just. Just a positive person. And again, he had such struggles when he was a kid, like me being gay. Like, he was a. The footballer at school. It scared him that he was. You know, kids can be mean. You just don't want to be the odd one, you know?

Jade Begay (52:48)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (52:49)

The way he's grown through that and the way he's grown now. And for them to actually say, when I did the book and it came out and we had the first sort of launch of it, they wrote these letters to me and they've never really done anything like that. And it was the most heartfelt, warm letters. And the biggest sort of, most powerful thing they said was that they were proud of me to be their dad. And, you know, honestly that I'm good now. Like, it's my greatest achievement. And I don't say it lightly. I genuinely am so grateful to be in the position I'm in my life and be able to share that with. With them.

Jade Begay (53:24)

Yeah. So special. Well, thanks for coming and chatting.

Chris Appleton (53:27)

What's your greatest achievement?

Jade Begay (53:28)

Oh, gosh, don't play it down.

Chris Appleton (53:32)

You did that thing. You were like. You did that. Oh, don't look at me. Come on, what is it? Let's talk about it.

Jade Begay (53:37)

I think I'm most proud of my kindness. I think I. Even though sometimes it is to a fault where I assume the best in people.

Chris Appleton (53:47)

Okay. Yeah, totally.

Jade Begay (53:47)

I think still been that being in this industry and still, you know, being burned and being hurt. I still love people and I still seek the best in them and hope the best in people. So I think maybe that's what I'm most proud of.

Chris Appleton (54:05)

That's beautiful. And it's a real hard thing to keep, especially when like that to be that way. I think you have to have an openness. And I think with like people mystery in your being hurt, you can close off.

Jade Begay (54:19)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (54:19)

And it'd be easy thing to do to become hard. But it's really sad to be that way, you know, when it's not inherently who you are.

Jade Begay (54:25)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (54:25)

Thank you so much for having me.

Jade Begay (54:26)

Thank you. I'm so excited for people to read this and I loved chatting with you.

Chris Appleton (54:30)

Yeah.

Jade Begay (54:31)

I feel like I. I, like, I had a lot of things I wanted to ask you, but I ended up just sidebarring.

Chris Appleton (54:36)

Oh. Just trying.

Jade Begay (54:38)

Yeah.

Chris Appleton (54:38)

Should we go get your husband and give him hair advice?

Jade Begay (54:40)

Probably.

Chris Appleton (54:40)

Let's do it.

Jade Begay (55:02)

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