Kennedy (33:44)
And I think when I look back to that time where I was, like, really struggling with all that, it was because I had so many people shoving things down my throat and telling me who I was, and me not knowing, thinking, I know, and then kind of being like, well, these people. A lot of comments are saying this, so they are probably right. And I don't think it was until that, like, first, like, big blow up where I feel like people were really coming at me, that I. I had to be like, okay, I know this isn't true about myself, and I can either keep on listening to these people and trying to defend myself or just being okay with what I know and moving forward. And I think that's how a lot of now my social media, you know, mental health thing has been, is just being so sure of who I am and also seeing, like, therapists. I talked to therapists and I talk therapist, which was really great for me because she put a lot of things in perspective and a lot of just like, touch, like, go touch grass, basically, without saying, go touch grass. Like, being like, this is. You have to look at it like it's an art project or like you're an artist and just be like, you have to separate yourself from the art. And for some reason, hearing that was, like, major to me. Being like, she's like, you. You post these, like, 30 seconds, 60. Whether you talk and you're very open about your life or not. Like, these people don't. Do not know you. And nobody will ever know you except for the people in your real life. And you just need to separate that. Yeah. And that was huge. And I did get on medication for a minute. I was on Lexapro, and I had a whole journey with, you know, being medicated. I feel like during 2022, it was like, a lot was happening at once. Like, I had this hacker that got into my Snapchat and posted photos of me online. And that was like, a whole thing. Yeah, no, that was like, a whole thing. That. And he would, like, randomly, I was, like, getting anonymous text messages, and I knew it was him. Like, he would always just like, come back around. Yeah, randomly. Like, I'll never forget, like, the day I got logged into my Snapchat, I immediately got text Being like, Kennedy. And I was like, no, this isn't her. And then it was immediately just like, photos of me. And I was like, I'll post these everywhere. And then they did. And it was one of those things also where you kind of have just like, come to terms with there's. You can't give people power. I think a lot of it comes from, like, you just can't give people power. And that was a. I made that switch actually very quick to not giving him power. But I think when he would come back around and just, like, anonymously text me, being like, hi. And I would always know it was him that, like, always had me in like, a constant state of like, just not even feeling safe in my home or anything like that. And then that's 2022 was kind of when that was going on. And then the whole Reddit stuff, I think that's whenever, like, Reddit was really like a big thriving thing and everyone kind of had this fear of Reddit. I don't feel like it is as fearful as it was back then, but at the time it was. Was definitely a scary thing. And I remember going into. It was actually a gynecologist appointment. It was so random. And I had to fill out on the paper, like, you know how you're feeling on a scale from. And, you know, I did all that. And I remember she came into the room and was like, okay, so we're actually not doing your checkup today at all. Like, your answers were, like, very concerning, and we need to, like, come up with, like, a different plan. And I was like, wait, really? Which, like, no, it really wasn't that surprising now looking back at it, because, like, I was definitely down bad. And yeah, she put me on Lexapro, which I know a lot of people have, like, mixed feelings about a gynecologist, but I'm gonna be honest, my gynecologist was like, the. The only professional I've ever talked to who I feel like, really cared about my health and mental health and just overall, well, being, like, she really was all about women's health in general. Yeah, more than, like, I went and ended up seeing, like, a psychiatrist after that. And I feel like it was very much like a. Okay, go, you're medicated, go. They didn't really care about me. Whereas, like, she sat and she listened to me and put me on Lex Pro. And that ended up being. I remember the first day, night that I was on Lexapro. It was the weirdest experience. I felt so out of it and, like, I never really had, like, thoughts of wanting to harm myself. I just had such bad anxiety that I think it was like this cloud that was just over me and I couldn't sleep. But I also. All I wanted to do was sleep. It was, you know, like. Yeah, it was mostly of an anxiety thing. And I remember, though, like, feeling this weird feeling of like, oh, my God, like, I want to crawl out of my own skin. Like, I was going absolutely nuts my first night on Lexapro. And.