Transcript

Macy (0:01)

The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

Host (0:04)

How long after that was his accident?

Macy (0:06)

Like a month and a half after I told him I was pregnant.

Host (0:09)

Take me back to that day you found out you were pregnant.

Sponsor/Ad Reader (0:12)

Oh my God.

Macy (0:12)

That day gives me ptsd. Oh my gosh. Like I was freaking out and I just like sat in the shower and like cried in the dark for like an hour. Beginning of February, when I told him he passed away March 24th. So that's like a month and a half in between.

Sponsor/Ad Reader (0:23)

Okay.

Host (0:24)

When he got in his accident, was he texting you?

Macy (0:27)

Yeah. Oh my gosh. Like those like the last words I said to him and that's like what he had when he died. His last message like was unfinished, like, oh my gosh, it was my fault he was texting me because he was obviously like sending that message when he like hit into a car, sent the text or texted him back like he'd still be here.

Host (0:42)

I want to know your sexual abuse. Writing about those details again, was that.

Sponsor/Ad Reader (0:47)

Hard for you to do?

Macy (0:48)

Yeah, I was like I had been through bad relationships. Like I was in abusive relationship.

Host (0:51)

What made you feel like you needed to stay silent?

Macy (0:53)

Well, at the time I felt like I had to cuz he was blackmailing me. So that means I'm losing my scholarship. When I was going through like, I didn't even. I was being abused like for like a while. Like what was happening to me? Cuz I'm like, am I crazy? Like trust your gut, like your intuition. Like if something doesn't sound right or it's too good to be true, it probably is. The amount of messages I got from other women, like that's when I saw like, oh. There was a reason why I needed to share this.

Host (1:28)

Macy, welcome to the Squeeze.

Macy (1:30)

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Squeeze — Mayci Neeley: No More Secrets

Host: Taylor Lautner
Guest: Mayci Neeley
Date: October 8, 2025

Episode Overview

This powerful episode of The Squeeze features Mayci Neeley, who opens up about her journey with trauma, loss, motherhood, and healing. Host Taylor Lautner guides a candid, compassionate conversation as Mayci shares vulnerable details from her new memoir, including the loss of her first love, rebuilding as a single mom, recovering from sexual and emotional abuse, and the process of regaining her voice. Mayci and Taylor explore mental health, faith, recovery, and what it means to break the silence in hopes of helping others feel less alone.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Mayci’s Story: Trauma, Loss, and Becoming a Mom Young

Finding Out She Was Pregnant at 19
- Mayci describes the shock and PTSD she still associates with discovering her pregnancy as a college student and athlete ([18:30]).
- She details hiding her purchase of a pregnancy test and the overwhelming anxiety she felt as a young, unmarried woman in a faith-centric Utah community.
- Quote: “I have so many core memories from back when I had trauma. Like, why do we have so many core ones from trauma and not just the happy stuff?” ([18:30]–[19:00])
Telling Her Partner, Eric, and Facing Social Pressure
- Mayci’s boyfriend, Eric, was “really chill” when told, showing support, but she reflects on how ultimate responsibility and life changes disproportionately fell on her as the woman ([21:40]–[23:54]).
Eric's Sudden Death
- Only a month and a half after learning she was pregnant, Mayci’s partner Eric died in a car accident, which occurred while he was texting her ([24:01]).
- She opens up about the complex grief and guilt she harbored: “I definitely cared that guilt for, like, a long time ... if I wouldn't have sent the text or texted him back, like, he'd still be here, you know?” ([28:31]–[29:42])
- Mayci reflects on the lifelong impact this loss has had on her relationships and mental health.

2. Navigating Single Motherhood

Support Systems and Hardships
- Mayci credits her “village” (her mother and others) for helping her raise her son, Hudson, while balancing college and athletics ([31:42]).
- She discusses telling Hudson about his late biological father when he was four, following therapeutic guidance to introduce such realities between ages 3–5 for healthy understanding ([33:17]–[33:49]).
Blending Families and New Love
- Mayci met her now-husband Jacob when Hudson was only 7 months old but waited to introduce them. She talks about being wary of men’s intentions around single mothers ([35:03]–[35:31]).
- She discusses dating, marriage, and deliberately taking time after an abusive relationship to ensure she felt safe: “I had been through bad relationships. Like, I was in [an] abusive relationship. And so I feel like I had learned from that, like, I need to make sure I know this guy inside and out.” ([37:02]–[38:20])

3. The Decision to Write Her Book

Genesis and Meaning Behind the Memoir
- Though Mayci always knew she wanted to write her story, the timing was right after a show spotlighted her and a book agent reached out ([10:46]).
- The book’s title, originally meant to be “One Day,” ultimately reflects family dynamics and being the type to “learn from my own mistakes.” ([11:43]–[12:49])
- Quote: “It’s the bigger picture here—because when I was going through [abuse], I didn’t even know I was being abused, for like a while, until I literally eventually Googled it…am I crazy?” ([46:05]–[47:22])

4. Sexual and Emotional Abuse: Breaking the Silence

Living With Abuse and Blackmail
- Mayci describes not realizing she was being abused and the pressure to stay silent, particularly due to her faith’s honor code system that could punish her for reporting abuse if she had also violated behavioral rules ([45:55]–[48:14]).
- She explains her abuser weaponized threats to expose her for drinking and partying, leveraging her tennis scholarship and family ties to keep her trapped ([48:14]–[49:33]).
- Notable quote: (On being blackmailed to stay) “If I didn't have a tennis scholarship…I'd have been like go ahead…But…I had the scholarship and my sister was my coach…so I would be disappointing, like, her. Granted, I did that anyways getting pregnant probably, but, like, whatever.” ([48:14]–[49:33])

5. Healing, Recovery & Advice

Therapy, EMDR, and the Ongoing Journey
- Mayci admits she hasn't done much therapy, sometimes finding it overwhelming or hard to stick with, but credits EMDR with helping address her sexual abuse trauma ([57:17]–[58:25]).
- She acknowledges the ongoing effect of trauma—on relationships, parenting, and daily anxiety. “It’s been over 10 years, so it’s like, I know I need to go [to therapy], like. And I actually still never have worked through, like, Eric’s death in therapy.” ([57:36]–[58:25])
Trusting Your Gut and Recognizing Red Flags
- Mayci’s central advice for other women: trust your intuition. She ignored early signs in her abusive relationship, later realizing her body was warning her ([61:28]–[62:58]).
- Quote: “If something doesn’t sound right or it’s too good to be true, it probably is…Even stories like him talking about his ex girlfriend…and I’m like, looking back, I’m like, red flag, red flag, red flag.” ([62:26]–[62:31])
- She also warns about love bombing and the manipulations of abusers.
On Speaking Up and Helping Others
- Mayci urges survivors to wait until they’re ready, but emphasizes the power in sharing stories, not just for self-healing but for others who may be suffering in secret. She describes the flood of messages from readers after sharing her truth ([68:32]–[69:54]).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Trauma and Guilt

“I definitely cared that guilt for, like, a long time…if I wouldn’t have sent the text or texted him back, like, he’d still be here, you know?” — Mayci ([28:31]–[29:42])

On Breaking the Silence

“When I was going through [abuse], I didn’t even know I was being abused, for like a while until, like, I eventually Googled it…am I crazy?” — Mayci ([46:05]–[47:22])

On Writing to Heal

“When I’m writing it, I’m almost writing it for myself. Sometimes I forget other people are going to read it.” — Mayci ([46:05]–[47:34])

On Faith, Shame, and Systems of Silence

“He was blackmailing me. So he basically, like, anytime I try to break up with him or anything, he'd be like, well, you're screwed. Like, I'm telling honor code.” — Mayci ([48:14]–[49:33])

On Advice for Survivors

“Look out for red flags. Trust your gut and your intuition, cause [it’s] probably right.” — Mayci ([63:26]–[63:32])
“The amount of messages I got from other women, like, that's when I saw, like, oh. There was a reason why I needed to share this.” — Mayci ([69:21]–[69:54])

Key Timestamps

[18:30]: Mayci discusses PTSD from finding out she was pregnant and the cultural/family fallout.
[24:01]: Eric’s accident and Mayci’s years of guilt, internalizing blame.
[31:42]: Navigating single motherhood and telling her son about his biological father.
[35:03]–[38:20]: Blended families, dating with a child, overcoming trauma from past relationships.
[44:41]–[48:14]: Detailed discussion of sexual, emotional abuse, blackmail, and impact of faith-driven pressures.
[57:17]–[58:25]: Therapy approaches, EMDR for abuse, and resistance to confronting certain trauma.
[61:28]–[62:58]: Advice for survivors: trusting intuition, recognizing love bombing, red flags.
[68:32]–[69:54]: The importance of sharing your story for yourself and to help others.

Tone and Style

The tone is intimate, frank, and supportive. Taylor and Mayci maintain a conversational, sometimes humorous, sometimes emotionally raw approach, encouraging listeners to process with them and find comfort knowing they are not alone in their struggles.

Conclusion

This episode offers a deeply honest, nuanced portrait of surviving loss, abuse, and shame—and the radical act of healing out loud. Mayci Neeley’s courage in sharing not only her trauma but her ongoing recovery is positioned as a beacon for other women in faith-driven or high-pressure environments. With compassion and insight, she and Taylor Lautner create a safe space for listeners to find community, wisdom, and the first steps toward their own healing.