Podcast Summary: The Squeeze
Episode: Thais Gibson: How Attachment Styles Shape Our Relationships
Date: January 16, 2026
Host: Taylor Lautner (with co-host Taylor Lautner)
Guest: Dr. Thais Gibson, Relationship expert & founder of The Personal Development School
Episode Overview
This episode of The Squeeze features Dr. Thais Gibson, a leading voice in modern relationship science, to demystify attachment theory and, more importantly, explain how people can heal and change their attachment styles for better, more fulfilling relationships. Thais shares her own personal journey with insecure attachment and dives deep into the neuroscience and psychology behind attachment patterns—emphasizing hope, change, and actionable steps for listeners. The conversation is engaging and accessible, mixing science with warmth and real-life stories.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. What Are Attachment Styles? (00:01–04:39, 13:32–27:46)
- Attachment styles are patterns—wired mostly in childhood—about how we give and receive love.
- Four main types:
- Secure
- Anxious
- Dismissive Avoidant
- Fearful Avoidant (Disorganized)
Secure Attachment (14:06, 14:39)
“Children in secure homes, they grew up with parents who are really attuned to them... that is what allows them to then have these really healthy relationships long term.” — Thais Gibson [00:01, 14:39]
- Children feel safe, worthy, and that love doesn’t depend on performance or perfection.
- As adults, these people are most likely to have lasting and fulfilling relationships.
Anxious Attachment (15:17)
- Rooted in real or perceived abandonment as a child—sometimes just having inconsistent caregivers.
- Adults may “people-please,” fear rejection, and self-abandon needs for others.
“They cope with this by trying to people please. Constantly trying to cling to people around them.” — Thais Gibson [00:01, 15:18]
Dismissive Avoidant (18:24)
- Childhoods with emotional neglect—parents provided physically but not emotionally.
- Children taught to “deal with your own emotions,” internalize shame for vulnerability.
- Adults become hyper-independent, avoid relying on others, shut down in conflict.
“They basically reject their own emotions. They're like trying to prove to themselves they don't need people.” — Thais Gibson [00:01, 20:15]
Fearful Avoidant (Disorganized) (23:44)
- Childhood chaos—never sure what version of parent will show up (e.g., addiction, narcissism).
- Learn to be hyper-vigilant, always scanning for danger, very “hot and cold” in relationships.
"Their overarching theme in childhood is chaos. You never know what you're getting in your home... They really notice any little change in micro expressions." — Thais Gibson [00:01, 23:49, 25:12]
- Fearful avoidants have BOTH anxious and avoidant patterns (clingy and then push away).
2. Why Attachment Styles Matter & Can They Change? (04:39–13:32, 27:46–28:41)
- You aren’t born with an attachment style; they’re conditioned through repetition and emotion, but can be rewired.
- Understanding your style isn’t about being labeled forever: “The whole point of understanding your patterns is so that you can change them.” [12:13]
- Healing can double relationship satisfaction and reduce conflict by 50% (27:46).
- Dr. Gibson stresses HOPE: “It’s a solvable problem… you can do something about it.” [27:49]
3. Practical Science: What’s Underneath Attachment? (06:06–07:20, 36:21–37:31)
- The subconscious mind drives 95% of our behaviors, beliefs, and emotional reactions.
- “Your conscious mind cannot outwill or overpower your subconscious mind.” — Thais Gibson [06:06]
- Neuroplasticity means our “emotional wiring” CAN be changed, with intentional practice and new experiences.
4. Impact on Adult Relationships & Partner Choices (28:42–33:44, 33:44–36:21)
- We tend to attract (and be attracted to) what’s familiar from childhood, not just what’s healthy:
- Anxious attachers often attract avoidant types, mirroring family patterns.
- Fearful avoidant are drawn to chaos, until healing.
- Securely attached people gravitate toward each other.
“What happens a lot of the time is consciously we say, I want the emotionally available person... but if you’re not ready for that yourself, you’re instead going to invest in what’s familiar.” — Thais Gibson [36:21]
5. Rewiring Your Attachment Style: Pillars & Tools (37:32–44:34)
Five Main Healing Pillars:
- Rewire your core wounds
- Understand and meet your needs (not just intellectualizing them)
- Self-source what’s missing: Fill childhood voids through practice/ritual
- Strengthen boundaries: Each style has unique boundary issues
- Emotional regulation: Learn to soothe your own nervous system
A. Rewiring Core Wounds (38:11–40:15)
- Identify a core wound (e.g., “I’m not good enough”) & find its opposite (“I am good enough”).
- Gather 10 real-life memories/examples as proof.
- Record yourself speaking these memories/evidence and listen daily for 21 days, ideally on waking or before bed when the brain is most receptive.
“We need to use our conscious mind to speak to our own subconscious mind… leverage emotion and imagery and repetition.” — Thais Gibson [40:16]
B. Meeting Own Needs (44:47–46:27)
- Don’t just expect a partner to fulfill unmet needs—practice self-soothing, self-validation, etc.
C. Setting Better Boundaries (46:27–47:11)
- Anxious = too few
- Dismissive = too rigid
- Fearful = “all or nothing”
- Boundary recalibration is essential for healing.
6. Healing is for Everyone—It’s Worth the Work (47:11–50:25)
- Any age, any background: “I see people all the time who are like in their 70s and come in and change... It’s so worth it.” — Thais Gibson [50:25]
- The longer you avoid the work, “the more your parents are still running your brain.” [49:44]
- Healing gives you back your time, energy, and presence for life.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “Your conscious mind cannot outwill or overpower your subconscious mind.”
— Thais Gibson [06:06] - “The whole point of understanding your patterns is so that you can change them.”
— Thais Gibson [12:13] - “People report doubling their relationship satisfaction after healing their attachment style...”
— Thais Gibson [27:46] - “I'm like, just so you know, your parents are still running your brain.”
(On why to do the work) — Thais Gibson [49:44] - “It’s way harder to carry what you’re carrying. Whether it’s PTSD or your attachment style—it’s no one’s fault, but only we can take responsibility.”
— Thais Gibson [47:52] - “Familiarity equals safety equals survival. And what is most familiar is the way you treat yourself.”
— Thais Gibson [36:21]
Practical Takeaways
- Attachment styles are not your life sentence. They’re habits of mind and emotion that can be changed with intention, repetition, and compassion.
- Rewiring is systematic: Identify wounds, gather real evidence of the opposite, practice self-talk with emotion, repeat daily, and give yourself 21 days.
- Deep relationships start with knowing and meeting your own needs, not just “fixing” your partner.
- Doing the work is always less exhausting in the long run than “carrying” the pain.
- Free resources, including quizzes and detailed attachment reports, are available at personaldevelopmentschool.com.
Where to Learn More
- Free in-depth attachment quiz/report: personaldevelopmentschool.com
- YouTube: Thais Gibson – Personal Development School
- Instagram: @thepersonaldevelopmentschool