← The Steve Austin Show
Loading summary
Transcript190 lines
- [00:01]
Announcer
Everyone wants to be stronger, not just physically, but in every part of life. But between confusing workout advice, complicated equipment, and trying to figure out nutrition, where does anyone even start? Well, to get stronger mentally and physically, go to Anytime Fitness. You'll get a personalized training, nutrition and recovery plan, all customized to your body, your strength level and your goals. You'll get expert coaching to optimize your results Anytime anywhere in the gym and on the Anytime Fitness app.
- [00:28]
Bill Burr
Anywhere.
- [00:28]
Announcer
And you'll get anytime access to 5,500 gyms worldwide, all with the right equipment to level up your strength gains and your life. So get started@antually fitness.com that's anytime fitness.com.
- [00:43]
Podcast Promo Narrator
Audible's Romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you when it comes to what kind of romance you're into. You don't have to choose just one fancy a dalliance with a duke or maybe a steamy billionaire. You could find a book boyfriend in the city and another one tearing it up on the hockey field. And if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm. Discover modern rom coms from authors like Lily Chu and Ali Hazelwood, the latest romantasy series from Sarah J. Maas and Rebecca Yarros, plus Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander, and of course, all the really steamy stuff. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.comwondery that's audible.comwondery.
- [01:28]
Bill Burr
Podcast 1 presents the Steve Austin Show.
- [01:30]
Steve Austin
Classics you talked about earlier about putting worth on yourself because when you first start out, you made $5 for gas money. I was making 15 to $20 and making 400 mile round trips when I was living in Tennessee when I went down there to the uswa. So I'm not asking for dollar signs. I don't want to know anything. Now how did you start? You know, you come out to la, you don't make it, you go back to New York, you write your ass off, you get some gigs, things are starting to spin up. I always tell all the guys to get in the business of pro wrestling, you've got to learn the business part of the business, not just the stuff in the ring.
- [02:04]
Bill Burr
Oh yeah, absolutely.
- [02:05]
Steve Austin
That's the ring. That's the entertainment part of it. That comes the business aspect of it. So as a comedian, dude, all of a sudden you get into some demand, you hit a lull, you get come on. Because you get a break from Opie Nanthy and Jim Norton. The HBO thing. How do you Determine, hey, this is what it's going to cost you.
- [02:22]
Bill Burr
You get a good agent. You can't negotiate your own thing. You got to get a good agent. And what I did is I got with a guy who was, he was like me. We started working together in like 2001. Mike Berkowitz. And he was trying to make a name for himself and I was trying to make a name. And we were right at the exact same, like, place. And as I've gone up, you know, the stand up ladder, he's gone up the agent ladder now. He's, he's like, you know, I think as far as, like being an. He's past me as far as being an agent. I mean, like the client list that he has is incredible. And we always laugh. He used to book me anywhere. He could book me the Skyline Cap Cafe in Appleton, Wisconsin. It was a great gig, by the way. You know, I was working, occasionally working a funny bone back then because, you know, I think those guys always thought I was funny, but I couldn't sell tickets. And it's just like, you know, and you know, there was those periods we start thinking, do I need a catchphrase? Yeah, do I, you know, do I go on tour with like five other redheads and do the redhead tour? I mean, what do I need a hook? I got to get something. And, you know, it all works out if you, if you just, if you just do, do what you're supposed to do and you do the work. It. It's definitely a longer road than it is if you have a hook. But you know, a lot of times those people that have the hook, once people are over it and there's nothing else beyond it.
- [03:40]
Steve Austin
Yeah.
- [03:41]
Bill Burr
You know, you go back down. Which is why I love watching you guys. Because you guys, you would say the Rock had these hooks, but you guys kept writing and you just kept coming up with more and more shit and you'd switch it up and everything and then, then you become like, prolific. Then to me, it's like the Chappelle thing. I could see Chappelle this month and I could go see him in October and I would see, you know, the show would change so much. Like, he's just, he just, it's like you're just going to see Chappelle, it's like almost like beyond stand up at this point, right?
- [04:09]
Steve Austin
It was funny when I came to New York and like I said, I've been in business seven and a half years. I was full of piss and vinegar. I was laying my shit in it didn't have a gimmick. And to get this before Stone Cold and the agents back in Blackjack, Lanza, George Animal Steel. Sergeant Slaughter.
- [04:23]
Bill Burr
George Animal Steele was the best. He scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. I was so afraid of him. He had that green tongue and he'd eat the turnbuckle.
- [04:32]
Steve Austin
The hairy back.
- [04:33]
Bill Burr
Oh, the hairy back was unreal.
- [04:35]
Steve Austin
But those guys, they would tell me, they'd watch me work in a ring when I came in, they'd brought in a bunch of other guys who they saw as superstars and they were pushing these guys and those agents noticed me and they said, steve, keep doing what you're doing because you're not a gimmick. It's going to take you longer to get over, but when you get over, you're going to stay over.
- [04:55]
Bill Burr
Dave Chappelle said the exact same thing to me at the Comedy, at the Comedy Cellar. He said, listen, he goes, it's going to take you longer, but when you hit, you got to hit hard. Just keep doing what you're doing. And I didn't even know what he meant, but I just was like, wow. This genius just, you know, said that I had a shot. But like, yeah, because, yeah, if you're not the hot chick in my business, if you're not the hot chick, you're not the fat guy. If, you know, for a while it was the hipster with the, with the big bushy beard and the hoodie, you know, and you were 34 and acted like you. You had, you know, the social graces of like a 15 year old. Like, they were into that for a while and, you know, being a balding redhead was never in, so I had to go the long way around. But it was better because I don't think I could, I couldn't handle, like, you know, I've seen some guys, like a truly funny guys that just from like day one are like ready, right? Like Dane was ready. Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart was ready. I mean, like, just watching those, the way that they were able to like me, I had to go like baby steps and then I'd be like, oh, my God, Chris Rock just walked in the club. And I was like, oh, shit. I got almost hope. I hope he doesn't watch me. I don't want him to see me do stand up and then, oh, my God, I have to go on after him or, you know, or whoever, whoever was coming at the club at the time. Damon Wayans would pop in a lot back then and. But he was A guy that, like, you know, Kevin Hart was just like, he wanted to go on in front of me, walk right up and say hello. I'm just really confident guy. Like, he really has like that. Out of all of the guys that I met, Kevin Hart has the most amazing like, like his energy is just funny as hell. He's. You want to be around him and he's just like, it's just always positive, always positive, always positive. And he was one of those guys like, you could have been the worst manager in the world. And you're like, this guy's going to be, he's going to be huge. Even then I didn't know he was going to sell out. He sold out the football stadium where the Eagles play. That's insane.
- [06:51]
Steve Austin
How did you go about developing your style? Because in wrestling business, I keep making these parallels because there's some more I want to make if I'm not boring the fuck out of you. But when you start out, when you're green in the wrestling business, the worst thing you can do is. And, and what everybody is guilty of is rushing, going too fast, you know, oh God, slow the down.
- [07:11]
Bill Burr
You know, you might have all the.
- [07:12]
Steve Austin
Same seven minute set and all of a sudden, like you said on your first gig, you finish in three minutes.
- [07:17]
Bill Burr
Absolutely.
- [07:18]
Steve Austin
God damn, you jerk.
- [07:20]
Bill Burr
I used to do 10 minute sweats, like sets. I just said sweat, 10 minute sets. And I would come off stage sweating like I was James Brown or something. I was just nervous and I certainly wasn't doing anything James does. I was just up there talking and I would, I would just. I was so, like, I was just so nervous. I just didn't want to bomb. I didn't want to go through. It was, it was really. When I moved to New York and like when I lived in Boston, Boston is really, you know, at least back then it was really segregated and everything. So, you know, I started my career, the first three and a half years of my career was performing in front of drunk people from Massachusetts. White drunks from Massachusetts, which is what I was. I was a white drunk from Massachusetts. So it was easy. I mean, it wasn't easy because I didn't know what I was doing. But, but I didn't have to be like, oh, are they gonna understand my perspective? And then when you move to New York, which is why I really think that you have to put your time in New York is you go up in front of everybody and all of a sudden it's black, white, Puerto Rican, Jewish, like super fucking born into money. You know, just got out of jail. You know, you have, like. It was just everybody. And I just remember going on stage and being nervous, so I came on, on my heels, and I instantly would start bombing. And what I learned to do was you had to be not aggressive, as in going at him, but you had to be confident. And it took me a long time to get that down, but I just kept going and going. Like, I was so afraid of, like. Like, black crowds initially that I just started doing the Rooms. The Black Rooms. I just started. Plus, I also knew I had material that I thought could. You know, I wanted to make sure I was saying it right. You know, as white as I am, if you're going to talk about it, you had to make sure you were saying the right. Because. And what I do now, now I know. I know when I'm saying it in the wrong way, front of a white crowd, is you get like. Like whenever I get that injury. Yeah.
- [09:24]
Steve Austin
Whoa.
- [09:25]
Bill Burr
When I hear that shit, I go, oh, I'm not saying it like that. I'm not saying it like that. I'm trying to keep this. You know, I'm being. I'm joking around. I'm being silly here. So there is that thing. And I wish. I wish shows in general. I wish TV shows were more. I don't know how you would do it, but just appeal to more people so that you could build. Do an audience like that. So. Because the longest time I did the Apollo, I would do BET, and then I would do Comedy Central, and I always wanted to draw a mixed crowd, but, you know, as you move up in this business, I mean, the wider it becomes in this weird way, you're not even, like, conscious of it. And it's just. It's a very, like. It's a very hard thing to try. To Try to navigate, like, to try to pull the crowd that you're trying to pull. I mean, I love everybody that shows up to my crowds, but, like, to me, I still love New York because what I loved was everybody was there. And when everybody's in the room, then you can really joke around because it is that social thing where it's like, obviously he's around the person he's making fun of. That group is sitting right there. You can interact with them, but, like, if it's all white people, it starts to feel like a meeting. You know what I mean? And people can. You know. You know, people are. They get.
- [10:40]
Steve Austin
The thing is, for us, like, when you work the Garden in New York, like, if you could get over in the Garden, you can get over in front of anybody or in any crowd just because the diverse mix.
- [10:53]
Bill Burr
How sick is it? Looking up and seeing that the roof, to me, is the iconic thing, because to me, that was Led Zeppelin. Song Remains the Same. And you just look up and you're like, how the fuck am I standing here right now?
- [11:02]
Steve Austin
I never really. I never really thought about like that. Yeah, I got knocked out in the Garden one time, and I was looking up at the ceiling and I didn't know where I was. And the referee, Earl Hemrick, I was working with the Undertaker. My fans have heard me tell these stories too many times. He was going to give me a backdrop, and I kicked him in the chest. And he straightened up, and when he did, the back of his head hit me right in the chin uppercut. I'd never been knocked out in my life up until that point. I'm laying in the middle of the ring of Madison Square Garden, looking up at the damn ceiling, and Earl Hebner, same referee, looks down at me. He goes, goddamn, boy, you all right? I looked up at him, I said, where am I? He goes, God damn it, boy. You in the Garden. So I finished the match. I didn't know what the fuck happened, but I finished the match. When I go back and look at some older cable guy stuff, he came out when he first started as a comedian with a straight, regular accent. When he created the cable guy with the country accent, that's when he got over. Were you always the same with your approach to how you deliver your material? Because you get this great voice, you can just ramp up and get that high pitch when you're. Yeah, when you go off on a rant and you start just going off on something, it's almost like you're just free willing out there. Was that always your style?
- [12:16]
Bill Burr
No, I was. When I first started working, I was clean. I just. I wrote everything out. I memorized it, and everybody was just like, dude, you're gonna be on tv. Like, I. You know, like, I looked like, you know, like I should have been like one of those little kids in the back of a station wagon and like a Chevrolet commercial, you know, baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet. I looked like the All American kid. I mean, I was like 23 years old and I had a baby face, and I was working totally clean. And I did that because I wanted to make sure I knew how to write a joke. And then it became about a couple years of working totally clean. It was then like, this isn't who I am. I don't talk like this. I'm an angry man. I didn't realize how angry I was until it was my 30s. I started to realize when after like the sixth girlfriend broke up with me who was telling me all my faults. I'm like, well, this seems to be reoccurring shit here. I guess I need to work on myself. But it just, it's just gradually. It just gradually. I mean, I'm not the same person I was when I was 23 either. So like I, I was a people pleaser when I was 23. And then there's somewhere along, you know, your 30s, you realize like, yeah, this is stupid. Yeah. When you're a people pleaser, you attract assholes because only nice guys put up with their shit. And all of a sudden, you know, you got a bunch of assholes in your life. So it was a combination of on and off stage, me just becoming just more myself and not giving a shit in a good way. Not a rude, arrogant way. Just like, hey, this is who I am. This is what I like. This is what I do. If you like it, cool. If you don't, I understand. I'm not going to bore you with it. And when you, when you, yeah, when you get to that thing, then just when you're really being yourself, then people who relate to you gravitate towards you and hopefully it's enough to fill up a room or you're going to have to go back to your day job.
- [13:58]
Steve Austin
So one last thing on that line. I got some other stuff I want to ask you about, but I always figured kind of that's what I did. I just kind of turned me up to a high level.
- [14:09]
Bill Burr
Yeah.
- [14:09]
Steve Austin
First on time. But I mean, it's basically.
- [14:11]
Bill Burr
Yeah, we'd get, it would get obnoxious.
- [14:12]
Steve Austin
Yes. Yeah.
- [14:13]
Bill Burr
You walk around your house body slamming people, they wouldn't want to hang out with you.
- [14:17]
Steve Austin
Yeah, I, I, you know, I would cuss a lot. I started cussing on tv, but as you use your, your basic big four cuss words that wouldn't get you tossed off. Yeah, I'm not dropping F bombs and stuff like that. I started doing little fingers.
- [14:27]
Bill Burr
I love that you drink the beer, shaking the finger. That was a greatest thing ever.
- [14:32]
Steve Austin
It was just, it just me turned up.
- [14:34]
Bill Burr
But I think people loved that because everyone wanted to do that to their boss. Everyone wanted to come in with the beer, suck down three quarters of it, throw the rest in his face, and give the guy the finger and tell him to go F himself.
- [14:45]
Steve Austin
But my point is I was willing to go out on a limb and push envelope and had I not, I never would have made it. But sometimes, like when I watch your stuff, your stuff is so cutting edge. With the political correct world that we live in, you really push the envelope and you're able to get away with it just because sometimes it's like what you said, hey, not, not that way. Or, you know, you'll see, you'll say something, it'll get uncomfortable.
- [15:11]
Bill Burr
You know what it is, though?
- [15:12]
Steve Austin
What is it?
- [15:13]
Bill Burr
The, that whole political correctness thing is it's just lazy journalism. It's just an easy, like, you know, like, you know, they'll talk about, I've been doing a bit, my act, how they talked about, you know, transgendered bathrooms. They're not going to talk about like, you know, the ocean's dying, there's too many people on the planet, our food is genetically altered. They're not gonna talk about like, that stuff would send everybody into like a depression, you know, that's we're doomed type of shit. So you keep it light. Oh, look at this. Donald Trump doesn't care that Caitlyn Jenner pees in his building. And then like comedians getting in, like, you can literally genetically alter the food. And no, they're not gonna talk about it. But if you do a wage gap joke in a strip mall, you could literally get on like, you know, national news if it goes back and forth and it's in. And most people, they're just tuning in to watch because it's fun to watch somebody get in trouble. But, you know, I still believe people, they're adults, they go to a show, they know you're joking around, you know, and if you make fun of Caitlyn Jenner or you make fun of this or you make fun of that, like, you don't hate these people. You don't believe this. It's a joke, right? But it's one of those deals where you'll be in front of whatever thousand people, 999 had a great time, right? Night after night after night, right? And then one person doesn't like it. They go on a blog and all of a sudden they act like the sky's falling. And it's just a, you know, it's just, it's just, it's a complete non story. There is political correctness, but it isn't something that, like in comedy clubs, like every night, like there's like all of a sudden everybody got all uptight. Like, you go to a comedy club, people want go Off. They want you to say crazy shit, and they know that you're joking, and that's why everybody's laughing. If they actually thought you were serious, they wouldn't be laughing. Like, people get it. They get that, you know, I mean, do you got to put on a fucking clown nose? I mean, they know what they're doing, but there's always going to be, like, that selfish audience member who lets 800 subjects go by and laughs at all of them. And then when it comes around to them, then all of a sudden, you know, you're not telling jokes, you're making statements, and they're offended and, oh, my God, they're owed an ap. Like they're a little country.
- [17:24]
Steve Austin
Yeah.
- [17:24]
Bill Burr
You know, and you offended them, and now there's no more trade. And so it's like just, well, then fucking go home.
- [17:29]
Steve Austin
Yeah, still great.
- [17:31]
Bill Burr
You're listening to another classic episode of the Steve Austin show, only on podcast one.
- [17:38]
Adam Carolla
Hey, it's Adam Caroll from the Adam Carolla Show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game live betting. Betonline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen with the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA, and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to Betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with bet online. Betonline, the game starts here.
- [18:46]
Steve Austin
Let me ship gears on you, if you don't mind. You're a licensed helicopter pilot?
- [18:51]
Bill Burr
Yes, I am.
- [18:52]
Steve Austin
Dude, here's the thing.
- [18:53]
Bill Burr
I haven't flown in a minute. I've been in that writer's room working on the next season.
- [18:57]
Steve Austin
Yeah, I've been wanting to learn how to fly a helicopter for a long time. I was starting off with an airplane, but I was like, man, where am I gonna go on airplane and kind of just fly?
- [19:04]
Bill Burr
I got the school. I know where to go. I know the guys you should fly with.
- [19:08]
Steve Austin
Here's my question.
- [19:08]
Bill Burr
I love it.
- [19:09]
Steve Austin
Here's my question.
- [19:10]
Bill Burr
They'd love to teach you.
- [19:11]
Steve Austin
I want you to go off on this one because every time I fly my wrench in South Texas every year just to do a deer count for the survey. So I was badass pilot and I'm.
- [19:19]
Bill Burr
The most manliest I'm going to hear all day, especially out in la.
- [19:22]
Steve Austin
Oh yeah.
- [19:23]
Bill Burr
I fly over my ranch to do a deer count. Have you had to try to have a barbecue out here? Everybody shows up on their LA diets. You end up with like 500 pounds of hamburger. Who's going to eat this? Oh, I already ate. You got any Brussels sprouts?
- [19:37]
Steve Austin
So work with me on this one. So that's the helicopter pilot. Hey, man. He teaches people how to fly as well. I said, man, how hard is it to learn how to fly helicopter? You think I can learn? I've asked that to about 10 people. Now. Most of these people probably only know me for 10 to 15, 20 minutes or see me on TV, so what the fuck they know? They think probably I'm still drunk, I'm pissed off, I'm going to hit them in the head with the steel chair. Or I've been hitting the head with too many myself, I have brain damage. Well, how the fuck would this guy learn how to fly a helicopter? So is it hard to fly a helicopter? You're probably a lot more intellectual than I am.
- [20:11]
Bill Burr
No, work with me. It's what. The thing I was intimidated by was the ground school and learning all the, like, I had a horrible science background. I mean, I didn't even, you know, up until five years ago, I didn't understand how planes flew. I understood how they got off the ground. Like I can run across the room and jump in the air, but eventually I come back down. The plane weighs way more than me. How the fuck is that thing staying up there with all the people in the luggage? Right, but that was, that was probably the best part about it is learning all the, the whole physics of it. And now I completely understand it. And that's what's the great thing. It's not like you go there like how they teach you how to drive a car, like they teach how to drive a car, but you just get in it and they just show you, okay, this goes this way. This makes it go, this makes it stop. They, they teach you the physics of why what's happening is happening. And then of course, all it, all the rules and all of that type of stuff. And like, there's so much stuff you have to know, and that's what was intimidating to me. But like, you just, you know, if you went full time, you could get it in like two and a half months. Me, it took a year with all the stuff, you know, I'm too busy telling shit jokes to go full time. But like, at my school, there Was a bunch of kids from China because they just freed up the airspace over there and they just let people go up and they had like six mid air collisions in like fucking three days. So they're like, maybe we should teach people how to fly first. So they, these kids were coming over here and Chinese speaking, okay, they could speak a little bit of English, some better than the others, and they learned how to do it. So I used to get inspired by them thinking, could I go to China and learn how to fly a helicopter? Is this guy speaking Chinese to me? And I have a couple of words that I get like. And they were able to do it. So that's the hardest part. But actually learning how to do it is the biggest things once you learn how to hold a hover is. That's the big thing. Once you learn how to hold a hover. But you, you wouldn't fly in the 22. You're too big a guy. They put, probably put you in the 44, which will cost you more money. But it's a nice one. It's much nicer.
- [22:12]
Steve Austin
But we fly on the 44.
- [22:14]
Bill Burr
Yeah.
- [22:15]
Steve Austin
What's the gimmick with the feet in the joystick?
- [22:17]
Bill Burr
I mean, you get, you get, you got three things. You got, you got what looks like your emergency brake. Okay. That's your collective, that's just your power. It's. That makes you go up and down, basically. Okay, okay. The thing in the middle there, the old joystick there, that's how you steer. And then the feet is for, that's just for. If you run a hover, if you wanted to turn to the left, you could just stay in the hover and just. Left pedal, you go to left, right pedal, you go to the right. And then when you're flying, you just use yourself to keep it in trim, which is basically, you're looking at your trim strings and you want them to be going straight down so you're getting the optimal amount of lift for the power that you're pulling. You know, you're staying true to the way you're going. Jesus Christ. If you didn't explain it well.
- [23:01]
Steve Austin
But no, no, it's interesting because you're sitting there explaining this to me. I can see exactly what you're talking about by looking at your eyes and your hands.
- [23:09]
Bill Burr
A lot of people think that, like when you step on the pedals, that speeds up and slows down your tail rotor. It doesn't. It never speeds up or slows down. You're just changing the angle of attack, which is basically More bite or less bite. So if. If you. Depending on which side it's on, this is when it's gonna get all technical geek stuff. All the tail rotor is doing is it's compensating for the torque that the main rotor.
- [23:32]
Steve Austin
That's my. That's my big question. Because I'm scared I'm gonna back off that motherfucker and start spinning a helicopter.
- [23:37]
Bill Burr
Because everybody saw Rambo and they go, oh, my God. If the tail. Rear. Tail rotor goes, you just start spinning, which is what happened. What you do is there's also a throttle on your. Your collective. Your emergency brake thing. And what you do is you basically. You roll it down. And when you roll it down, it's basically putting a car in neutral. So now the engines. The torque of the engine is not turning the main rotor. What's turning it now is you. You falling. So when you. If you have a. If you have a. If you have engine failure, I used to think that. That you're fucked. Like a plane. You can keep gliding.
- [24:13]
Steve Austin
Yeah.
- [24:13]
Bill Burr
What they do is called an auto rotation. If you saw the rock movie, he goes, we have to auto rotate. Which is the funniest shit ever. Because no one would ever say that. If you have to auto rotate, you don't say, we have to auto rotate. You just go, shit. Fuck. That's what you do. You don't start explaining it to the passengers. But that's just in my business. That's called pipe. You lay in pipe. You're explaining. Well, actually, no, it's not really. You're just over. That's just a character explaining what the fuck they're doing. So when you're flying, right, when everything's going well, mechanically, it's all working. You're drawing air into the main rotor. That's called induced flow. When shit hits the fan and you have to auto rotate what's. Now the air is going. What's keeping the main rotor turning is the air flowing up through it. So basically it's your forward speed and the weight of the ship falling. And you can, especially in the 44, that you're gonna fly, you can glide for a long, long way. And what you do is as you pick out your spot, and what's great about a helicopter is there's all these soccer, baseball fields. All of that shit is when you come down to your flare, which my instructor showed me is like a hockey stop, you just. You just stop. And just like that in the air, right? You get like 10ft off the ground. You just, you know, you come back on the stick and you flare out like that. This is probably people don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. The big thing is you don't want to go back up again, right? Because then you're going to slam down like fucking Hulk Hogan. You can be 3 inches shorter. What you want to do is stop like that and then level your ship. And then as you fall, right before you fall, you, you pull the emergency brake. It's your last bit of energy, dude. You can land like a daisy. Like these guys get it down like they had me one time, they stop having me stop in midair in a hover and then just cut the engine on me, all right? And then wanted me to turn it around and go land someplace else. And they basically show you how to do that is what you have to do is you just let yourself fall. You get your RPMs back up to where they want to be. You don't want to overspeed the main rotor and then you just catch them as they're coming up. This all seems. It took forever, but like, I always go down whenever I fly with these guys. I always like every six weeks I have the guy take me through all this. Like, let's do a 180 auto, let's do a straight in auto, let's do. You know, I'm way up in the air settling with power. We do all of this, all of these emergency running landings, all of that shit. So then I feel comfortable to go fly by myself, as I call it, which, and I'll tell you the scariest thing I've ever done, was that. That is without a doubt these scares. The first time, where'd you take off.
- [26:43]
Steve Austin
And where'd you go to?
- [26:44]
Bill Burr
I went Long beach to El Monte. That was the first one that's kind of a straight shot. You just go up to 605 and you come back and that's like a 45 minute one. That was freaky enough. But then the next time is, it's called a cross country flight. It's basically anytime you fly and land, like, I forget how 25 miles away from airport that you, you get to log. It's weird. You get to log a cross country flight. However, if you just fly 20 miles out and don't land and then fly 20 back, it's, it's. You don't get to log it as that. And I don't know, I don't pay attention to that because I just do it for fun. But these guys that, you know, it's all about building up your hours to move, you know, to get qualified for the next job. So we had to fly. You had to put three hours of time. That's how they log it in time rather than miles. It's basically three hours on the Hobbs meter, and that counts time. So I had to. And I had to land at a controlled airport and an uncontrolled airport. So a controlled airport has a tower. Uncontrolled does not have a tower. So your head's on a fucking swivel and you're freaking out. But that three hours of being in the air, I mean, like, I just kept looking over at the empty seat going, like, if this shit goes down, you know, I got to somehow get this fucker on the ground. You know, you're gonna get it on the ground, but am I gonna live? And I just remember when I came back, you know, I fucked up a bunch of things. As you're going to. I remember when I was coming back to Long Beach, I'm talking to the tower. I was on the wrong frequency. And I'm just flying, and they're not talking to me. I'm just flying towards the airport. I'm saying, what the fuck do I do? And finally, I'm thinking I'm gonna fly over to Compton and just land and just call them up, because they got an airport over there that's an uncontrolled one. I knew where it was. I'm like, if this fucking guy doesn't talk to me, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. But I ain't running out of gas here. Because that was another thing, too. You had to remember to get refueled. One of the Chinese guys forgot to fucking do it. And the fuel light comes on. I don't know why, with only five minutes left, it's like, how about five? 15? Give me a fucking chance, right? So the guy finally came. He just said, the helicopter north of the airport, you know, we're on this frequency. And then I put. Came on like, oh, student pilot. Sorry. And I remember just the relief of hearing that tower's voice, because you start to know. I was feeling like I was home. Come across the field. You're at 500ft. You go around the tower, and you landed over at Aeroplex. And I just remembered when I set it down, you set it down. And then you roll down to, like. What is it, like, 70 rpms? Whatever the hell it is. And then that's. At that point, you really can't really lift up anymore. So you're bringing beginning the whole shutdown process and the greatest feeling ever. You pull the mixture and the engine cuts off and it was just like, I was like, I can't even explain the mindset that I was in. Like, I remember I put it back, you know, wheeled the thing back and I went in there and one of my instructors used to always break my balls. He just came walking by and he was just making, say, how you doing? He kind of did double take look at my face and he knew exactly what I was going through. And he just started laughing. And it wasn't until like, like two lessons later I talked to him. I was like, dude, that is the fucking scaredest I've ever been. And those pilots is much as they are cool as, you know, and just like, you know, they got that pilot energy. They all laugh, they go, yeah, dude, I was so scared, man. I was never scared. Like, they, like, you know, if you're not. If, you know, if you admit that you're scared, they're going to tell you that they were. But I remember, I remember before we. I went to fly that same instructor. I was so happy I did that. I was just sitting there going over all my charts and all this, making sure I had all the frequencies, you know, making sure that wasn't going to get lost. Can you get lost up there? You know, I get it, yeah. And he goes, he just sat down next to me. This is going to be a visual joke. This won't play. I remember he just sat down next to me and just kind of went. Just rubbed his hands again, gave me a look like, oh, boy, let's see how this fucking guy. And the reality is, what you don't realize is there's no way they're going to sign you off to go do this thing if they think there's even a hint of a chance, right, that you're going to fuck up and you should definitely go do it. It's one of the. It's an incredible privilege to be able to do it. I haven't flown in like two months and I got to get my medical up to date, but I've been writing the second season of Ephes for family, so I'm gonna fly. Coming up this week for the first.
- [30:51]
Steve Austin
Time, what made you want to learn to fly helicopter? Of all the things that you could pick out, why?
- [30:57]
Bill Burr
It was just something. I always thought they were cool. I used to watch Magnum PI and just thought, wouldn't it be fucking cool if you could just, you know, buzz around an island in One of those. And I've also always done shit the hard way. Like I guess like learning how to fly a plane is, is easier than a helicopter. But you know, no disrespect to those guys. I'm sure that once you get to the jet level, I mean I'm just flying these little rinky dink things, but like, I just, I just thought it was fucking cool. I always just thought a helicopter is cool. You know what's cool about a plane? A jet. A jet is fucking cool. Being able to just like, like those guys just flying. I talked to this guy, you know, he had his pilot's license and he was just talking about the first time he learned how to fly this jet. He goes, we went so fucking high up because I'm literally looking at the curvature of the earth. And he, you know, done fixed wind like prop and had these little ass wings. And he said somehow the design of it that you, the second you took off you were already at like a critical fuel level.
- [31:51]
Steve Austin
Yeah.
- [31:52]
Bill Burr
And it's just like it just listening to him talking about that, like I have a fear of heights. Like when, when I'm not in a plane or a helicopter, like I can't watch those YouTube videos where people climb those structures. And you're like, well this guy has on a GoPro. He obviously didn't fall and die, so. Or this camera wouldn't, footage wouldn't exist. But I get like this, there's a couple of those where they just keep going up and up and up. Like the guys are going to change the fucking light bulb at the top. And then these, these thrill seeker guys will, they'll just be like doing like pull ups with no parachute or anything. And dude, like I've never had nervousness when my hands get sweaty. But that's, that's the only shit that'll make it do that. And to this day, like anytime, like I've only flown solo probably I got like 15 hours solo at this point. Like I'm just so busy. That's why I always go back and do the emergency stuff. But like every time I fly solo, this is just this amazing feeling of it's the coolest thing ever. It's such a free thing. And then terror of like, you know, and the terror is a good thing. You gotta have that. It's like that thing like, you know, if you walk out to perform, like, yeah, you know, fuck these fucking people, you're gonna be in trouble. It's the same thing with that. And like, dude, I just fly over Stadiums. I fly over the Rose bowl and shit. I fly over famous movie houses. Like, there's the house from the Horsehead scene, the Godfather house with the ridiculous pools. I fly over that thing and my own house and shit. Like, I just.
- [33:18]
Steve Austin
I was thinking about taking my, okay. Helicopter pilot lessons down there in Laredo because in the middle of nowhere. So if I up, I'm just gonna fall in the field. I'm not gonna follow nobody's house or stadium.
- [33:28]
Bill Burr
Well, that's. That's a good receipt right there. You'd be a good pilot because you're always trying to like, limit your. You're trying to. You're trying to increase your such a up.
- [33:36]
Steve Austin
I'm honest enough to. Goddamn. All these still hit all these steel chairs to the head. I'm not the smartest guy in the world. I'm. I'm Okay.
- [33:44]
Bill Burr
I would do this if. Then do your training in Texas, but I wouldn't do it this time of year because it's going to be hot as shit. You're trying to. Unless. Unless you get into something that has air conditioning.
- [33:53]
Steve Austin
Hey, the one thing going to last thing about the freighter heights. It's funny because you can put a steel beam right here across this floor, you know, still beam. I beam. Say. Let's call it 1012 inches wide.
- [34:03]
Bill Burr
Right?
- [34:04]
Steve Austin
And we walk across that thing all day long.
- [34:06]
Bill Burr
Yeah.
- [34:06]
Steve Austin
All of a sudden you put that some bitch. This is called a hundred foot.
- [34:10]
Bill Burr
Nah, fuck that.
- [34:11]
Steve Austin
And then when you go try to walk across it, everything changes.
- [34:13]
Bill Burr
I'd be on all fours crying with.
- [34:18]
Steve Austin
But all of a sudden, you Jack in the air changes, right?
- [34:20]
Bill Burr
Yeah, yeah, absolutely it does. But I will tell you the. The. The thrill of doing it versus the fear and all of that. And you always have to have. I feel a healthy sense of fear both in doing stand up and all of that. That I feel. You know, you've just. You just. You know what it is. You just do what they tell you to do. You don't go up there and be an asshole. You don't go up there and think you know shit. You know, you bring people up. You don't. I've never brought anybody up. But like, you don't try to like show off or anything. It's like you literally have their life in your hands. But like, there's two types of people. I found my limited knowledge. There's the fucking people like me that understand you can die, and then there's these other people that they just. They just did. We had a guy, he just. He Got his license in the next fucking day. He rented a 22. He flew over the San Gabriel mountains, which is like fucking 8,000ft. He went up onto the other side and he just started giving. Landed in the yard of one of his relatives. He just started giving people rides. Landed in, like a neighborhood. Somebody finally called the cops. I was like, what the fuck? And then he kind of threw the school under the bus and was like saying, they said it was okay. It's like, we never fucking said that was okay. But like. And there was this weird thing where I was just saying, that guy is out of his mind. But I had a certain level of respect for the balls. Yeah, the fucking balls. The first day you get your license, like, that's what you're gonna do. If I was gonna go on the other side of those fucking things, I would have flown up to 405. You just follow the roads.
- [35:51]
Steve Austin
Yeah.
- [35:52]
Bill Burr
And I would, you know, they got where the five cuts through. You got that pass. I would go. And even then, you know, I get nervous going over the 405. When it goes from the. From Hollywood to the Valley, like, you really start getting up there and, you know, it's just like one of those things where I don't like. I don't like getting too high because then you start getting into where the fixed wing guys are, and those guys kind of have like a 45 degree angle. They can't see below and that. That gets a little shady. So I like staying right around, you know, 1200, 1500ft. I just stay in my lane, right. Follow the roads. I always announce where the hell I'm at. Hopefully I'm on the right frequency. I'm such a dope. But yeah, it's fun. You should definitely do it. You're listening to another classic episode of the Steve Austin show, only on podcast one.
- [36:36]
Podcast Promo Narrator
This is a story that begins with a dying wish.
- [36:40]
Bill Burr
One thing I would like you to do.
- [36:42]
Podcast Promo Narrator
My mother's last request, that my sister and I finish writing the memoir she'd started about her German childhood when her father designed a secret superweapon for Adolf Hitler. My grandfather, Robert Lesser, headed the Nazi project to build the world's first cruise missile, which terrorized millions and left a legacy that dogged my mother like a curse.
- [37:10]
Bill Burr
She had some secrets. Mom had some secrets.
- [37:14]
Podcast Promo Narrator
I'm Suzanne Rico. Join my sister and me as we search for the truth behind our grandfather's work and for the first time, face the ghosts of our past.
- [37:25]
Bill Burr
Who is he?
- [37:26]
Podcast Promo Narrator
Listen to the man who calculated death. Available now Wherever you get your podcasts.
- [37:41]
Steve Austin
Hey, I gotta ask you before. I don't want to take up your whole Saturday. You've been very generous with your time. Hey, man, talk to me about F is for family. I binge watched the first season. Badass show. It's hilarious.
- [37:53]
Bill Burr
What do you see this season?
- [37:54]
Steve Austin
I talked to you the other day. It's on Netflix. I highly recommend it. I always give people something to listen to on my podcast. I'm gonna recommend they watch this. So I binge watched it. How did you come up with the idea for this thing?
- [38:05]
Bill Burr
Why?
- [38:06]
Steve Austin
And how do you pitch something like this? Hit you with a bunch of questions.
- [38:09]
Bill Burr
All right. It was an idea that came about through telling family stories on stage. And as I went from being the young baby face comic to being the old guy, a whole new generation of kids with a whole new style of parenting came about. And they. Everything got labeled. Bullying, mental abuse, physical abuse, and cruelty to animals. And everything got, like, labeled. So it wasn't that people weren't laughing. They were just kind of. I was starting to get a lot of. No, like, they were feeling bad, and I was standing, this is funny. This is funny. And it kind of got, like, frustrating because then they would come up to me and be like, oh, yeah, my dad was like that. And so. And so was like that. I was just like, wow. You know, I didn't feel that energy from the crowd. I felt like, like I grew up in, you know, some crazy household. But I. I knew that these kids could relate to it. And by kids, I mean people in their 20s. So I just kind of got frustrated. So I kind of stopped talking about it. And plus, I was getting older. I didn't still want to be talking about my dad and mom and kids I grew up with. I just felt like I had done all of that, but I still knew that the stories were funny. I was walking my dog one day. I was like, well, what if I animated him? So initially, the idea was I was gonna. I was gonna write little five minute vignettes like, the Burr family goes to get the Christmas tree. Because it was always like this Norman Rockwell shit. And then be like this total dysfunction. Everybody started screaming at each other. And then the end, we're eating a great, you know, Christmas goose, and it's like, you know, the COVID of the Saturday Evening Post. And of course, I never did it. And then I ended up meeting Vince Vaughn while I was working with Steve Byrne, and he's got a production company, Wild West. They brought me in. I met Peter Billingsley, Mike Legnise, Victoria Vaughn, and all of them. And I said, you know, I don't really have an idea. I have this silly idea for a cartoon. And they loved it. And then they introduced me to the great Mike Price from the Simpsons, who's just a monster. Like, he's like the nicest guy ever, but like, he. Nobody works harder than that guy. He's just amazing. And then that's when it really started to come together. And then we pitched around Hollywood and everybody was, you know, just wasn't biting. And I thought it was over. And that's what I'm saying. And then Vince was like, let's go to Netflix. And we went to Netflix. And I. And Vince went in on the pitch meetings. Like, he's all fucking in. So I think they were looking at me thinking I was gonna do my, my Louis show, my Marc Maron show. And my, my whole thought was, I, I can't do those shows better than those guys are doing them. They're already doing them. And all I'm gonna look is like a third rate fucking Louis or Marc Marin. So I think they looked at me like a cartoon. I don't get this. But then they were also looking like, that's fucking Vince Vaughn sitting there. And then I think that's why we got six. It was a weird number. Like, I will give you six. Let's see what you do with that. And then we just brought in all these awesome writers and got all like, I forget who signed on first, but once we got like Sam Rockwell and then we got Laura Dern and then Justin Long and then also Gary Cole and all Dave Koechner and all these people. Mo Collins from MAD tv, Debbie Darryberry, Haley Reinhardt. It just was crazy, you know, all these, these people just signed on to do this stuff. And I always gonna forget people's names. You know, not Phil Henry. I'm gonna forget everybody. But anyways, they all signed on and, you know, I'm doing the Seinfeld thing. I'm surrounding myself. People way more talented than myself. They prop me up and carry me across the finish line. So.
- [41:39]
Steve Austin
So how long does it take to complete an episode? But with an animation?
- [41:42]
Bill Burr
Yeah, with animation.
- [41:44]
Steve Austin
Okay, write an episode.
- [41:45]
Bill Burr
How long you can write an episode? Well, someone writes the initial draft and everybody beats it up. Take that takes about to write and record about six, seven days. Work days. And then, you know, so we started writing last couple days in March. We're up to episode 9 out of 10. So we're gonna have Them all recorded here in the next couple weeks. And then what happens is the first thing that comes in is the animatics, which is the rough drawings of it. And then that's when you really just go like, okay, you know, this guy shouldn't be standing here. This kid shouldn't be here. And you know, I'm not good at the directorial stuff. Like, this should be a wide. Why is this over his shoulder? Like, the other people handle that stuff, but I just more look like try to keep a reality base to the thing and just make sure the movements are stuff. Some stuff we take advantage of the animation, but we're trying to make it like a real. Like a real thing. Like. One of my favorite parts of the first season was when the older brother Kevin saves Bill from getting beat up from. By the bully. And when Bill thanks him, his older brother punches him in the stomach. And it's just like, that's like. To me, like that's was. That was like what being a kid was when I was growing up. And dude, you wait till you see this season that we're writing. I just saw the animatic for the. The first episode and there's a scene that we were trying to get animated correctly and we'd seen it like 20 times and they finally got it right, dude. And the whole room is jaded as we are, just bursted out laughing, just dying. I can't. I can't wait. But it's unfortunately not going to be out again until May of year. We're trying to hustle here and get it out as soon as we can, but, you know, they had to wait to see how it was gonna do. So hopefully now, you know, they'll have a little more confidence in us and we can start the third season. So people, you know, once a year we can give you 10 episodes. That's what we're hoping rather this time it's gonna go a little over a year. So. Apologies to the fans of the show.
- [43:34]
Steve Austin
So what would. They were obviously impressed with the six I watched them. I loved about them was shoot, how long was an episode? Is it 30 minutes or just right?
- [43:41]
Bill Burr
Yeah, yeah. 25.
- [43:43]
Steve Austin
With no. Yeah, with no commercial. Commercials. I mean, it starts and it's over. It's like, goddamn, I'm ready for the next one.
- [43:48]
Bill Burr
Yeah.
- [43:48]
Steve Austin
Because I'm bad about watching tv. If ain't good, I just won't watch it.
- [43:51]
Bill Burr
Right.
- [43:52]
Steve Austin
And I like how each episode rolls into the next one.
- [43:55]
Bill Burr
That was Netflix idea and I was against that. I'm like, really I want to do, like, the Simpsons standalone. They're like, no, serialize it and blah, blah. And then the second we were going to serialize it, it just took the writing to a whole other level. Now you're not just tracking the story. You're tracking it for the whole season. Like, okay, we got to bring this kid from here to here, her from here to here. You know, it can get away from you. Sometimes you just sitting there going, like, well, that doesn't make any sense, because he did this in episode two. And you're just sitting there going, fuck. But you sit there long enough, you'll get.
- [44:23]
Steve Austin
I like the way they're connected each other because I love it.
- [44:26]
Bill Burr
I love it.
- [44:27]
Steve Austin
So. But I want to ask you about. Not to. Not to belabor the point, but just in the writing room, we talked briefly to set up the podcast, and, man, you sounded like you were under the grind because y' all were trying to crank out these episodes.
- [44:37]
Bill Burr
Yeah.
- [44:38]
Steve Austin
How grueling is it in there in that. In the room with the creative people, y' all hammer saying, are y' all hammering this thing out together?
- [44:44]
Bill Burr
After the person has come, storyline, you sit at a table, and then Mike. Right, Mike Price, sits right up front, and we're just pitching on shit. Pitching on shit. And then he kind of. When he repeats it and laughs, the person typing the script, it goes in. So there's all of this. It's a great room. People are funny. And then what happens is you get, like, you know, you get tired, and then, you know, someone else comes up with something good. Or you just start making just ridiculous jokes. Or we just go on. You know, we'll go on and just start watching, you know, Ric Flair videos. Or you'll watch like, oh, my God, I remember seeing the worst movie ever go on YouTube. You just take a mental break, and you got to kind of walk away from it, and then you come back and, you know, just keep going and going and going. But fortunately, it's a great room. You know, we work a lot, but we're not there a ridiculous amount of times. A few times. And we start about 10, 10, 30 every day. We go to about 6, or sometimes you go till 9 occasionally, and. But, you know, we go to pizzas and shit, and we just like, how'd you get.
- [45:47]
Steve Austin
How'd you guys decide on the voices? Was that casting?
- [45:50]
Bill Burr
Yeah, I mean, yeah. Yeah, we have great casting people. And, you know, you know, we had ideas. Sometimes you have the idea what the person's gonna sound like, and somebody comes in and they. They nail it. You're like, bam. That's the guy. Other times, it was like you had an idea and somebody did something totally different. Be like, that's really cool. Let's. Let's get this person. And, you know, my. The biggest thrill I get with the writing is when the performers come in and like. Like, Dave Koechner, we get him something. He plays Bob Pogo, and like, sometimes we just write this crazy shit for him, and he can't get through the line. Sam Rockwell, we. He had. He just recorded, like, like six or seven episodes, and he's one of the funniest dudes ever. And there was, like, a couple lines that we wrote for his character Vic, that he just was. He couldn't get through him, and he just. That's just his writers. You know, you're just so psyched. Like, ah. Like, this guy's been on Broadway's been all these movies, and we can make him laugh like that with the shit. Like, you get. You get like, a real, like, charge out of that. And I know Mo Collins. We got her a couple of times at the table. It's just. It's just great. It's like, that's one of the big, like, I love the table reads because that's like. Then what you do is once the script's ready, you know, everybody comes down, you know, all the performance. You sit down, you just literally read it at a table, and there's a crowd there. Most people connected with the show, got money in the show. And then there's just family and friends that come down and watch. And, you know, when it's going great, there's nothing better.
- [47:16]
Steve Austin
So when all the actors come in for a table read, and then were y' all all read that together to record it or everybody in a booth?
- [47:24]
Bill Burr
No, no, you're just literally sitting at the table with the script, really. And it's just. You're just acting it out, and there's a whole art to that. And that was another whole thing that I had to learn to slow down. I had to get comfortable. And now, you know, we're doing the ninth one, and we did six last season, so I got about 15 table reads under my belt. And now I really look forward to them. I used to kind of have a little bit of performance anxiety because I just felt like, you know, I'm not good at reading out loud. I got slight dyslexia and shit. So I literally. I find if I got to put my finger on the page and just, like, be going like that, so my eyes won't jump around and switch up words. So I was a little performance anxiety with that, but I've been able to get through that now. I absolutely love them. Like, we got one on Monday. I can't wait.
- [48:09]
Steve Austin
You know, you guys all bonded together. It's like a titan.
- [48:13]
Bill Burr
Yeah, no, it's great. And there's, you know, no egomaniacs or anything. Everybody just like breaks balls and it's just, you know, stupid jokes that you do. Like, if anytime anybody drops a name. Yeah, like, I'll say, yeah. You know, this weekend I did a stone cold podcast. Everybody go, oh, they like clapping. It just makes you let. Look at you, Mr. A Show Business. It's just like, just that kind of ball breaking. And then sometimes you just pitch stuff that just, you know, you know, it's not getting in the script, but you just want to make everybody laugh. You know what I mean? It's usually the sickest, most twisted ever. And the great thing about a, a writer's room is that that's, that's the rules. Like, you can't get offended when you're in there, right? That's it.
- [48:50]
Steve Austin
Yeah.
- [48:51]
Bill Burr
You just have to go in there and you just. That's it. People are going to trash you. They're going to trash everything that you believe in. Because we're all going crazy sitting in this room, trying to. Trying to get it going.
- [49:02]
Steve Austin
So what's next for you? I know you're going to. You're going to be in the uk. You're going to be in Ireland here, literally a couple weeks. How do you schedule your. Your show, your. Your Evansford Family? You're doing that. You got what, two more episodes?
- [49:15]
Bill Burr
Yep.
- [49:16]
Steve Austin
And then you're gonna get out on the road. How many days of the year are you trying to stay busy or do something?
- [49:22]
Bill Burr
Well, I'm getting. I'm getting ready to do another special. So, like, you know, so this, you know, I got the. Once. Once, you know, we're done with these records, writing and record, then, then I'm hitting the road pretty hard and I'm just gonna go all out until I tape the. I tape the. The special, which I believe we're gonna be doing in October. We're still trying to work out where we're gonna be. Can't say what city yet or anything, but it's gonna be awesome. And I already have the idea how I want to shoot it.
- [49:52]
Steve Austin
Have you started writing it yet?
- [49:54]
Bill Burr
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have, like, you know, I got like 90 minutes material but, like, I just have to see which ones are gonna be worthy of can. Can make the cut.
- [50:03]
Steve Austin
Will you consult with anybody on that final? What's gonna be a hard 60 or.
- [50:09]
Bill Burr
I'll probably do a little more like an hour 10. My last one's okay. A little bit. Hour and 15, hour 20. I don't know if I want to do another one. As long as that, like, you know.
- [50:15]
Steve Austin
You want to keep them wanting more.
- [50:17]
Bill Burr
Leave them one or more. Yeah, yeah.
- [50:19]
Steve Austin
But my question is, I mean, will you. We, like, say to your wife, hey, what do you think about this? Or will you just say, no? Bill, you're the funny some. You're the guy who knows your material.
- [50:27]
Bill Burr
No, no, I run. I run stuff by my wife all the time. And my wife is. Is hilarious. And she always laughs.
- [50:36]
Steve Austin
I mean.
- [50:37]
Bill Burr
Oh, yeah, no, because I had a couple things. Like, I had this. This material that, you know, had to do with aborted landings. Like, I just had my fifth one. And, you know, what goes through your head? But in my head, I was always thinking, like, well, it's airplane material. Just the subject alone is kind of considered hacky. But my agents were going, like, no, man, but it's some of the funniest. The act out. Like, it's some of the funniest shit you've written. And then I went down to a club, went down to Flappers. I saw another comic, and he was doing a bit about an aborted landing. And it was different, but it had the same tent poles going through. The steward is sitting down, you know, not looking at you, freaking out, and blah, blah, blah, blah. And so I just said, well, there you go. There you go. That's why I'm not putting that in a special. So I will continue to do the bit. I'm gonna do the bit when I'm on the road, but I just won't stick it into my hours. So, like, I have bits of mine, like my getting arrested for drinking and driving and, you know, cop wanted me to pull over, and I kept going, right. I have those stories, but I just feel like those kinds of stories people have told. So what I just use those for is when my special comes out and I have no material, I have those that I've never done on a special. So those things kind of hold me up as I'm writing a new thing. And then once I get the new hour together, those old ones just go away. And like this, it's almost like. It's just like. It's like leftovers. So I have, like, Leftover bits. So I have enough. I've been doing it long enough that I have like a half hour of leftover shit that I can, you know, I can come up with a half hour of new shit and then have a half hour of my leftover solid shit. And I can mix and match them, you know, here's a couple of new ones. Here's the one that works. Here's another one that works if I need that. And then blah, blah, blah, blah. And that's how I kind of use it to build up the new hour. And that's just shit that I've just learned throughout the years, but.
- [52:34]
Steve Austin
And then I guess it's just because you've been doing it so long, it's just what you do. So. I mean, because I'm just sitting there trying to think, you know, I could be a funny guy in a room, but I ain't no stand up. Ain't even close to being a stand up. Never would claim to be. So when you're just sitting down, like, what's your process? Just like, hey, this would be funny. And then you take it to the level that you do.
- [52:56]
Bill Burr
I mean, I just write the word down. Yeah, I just write a word down. But you guys do the same thing. I remember seeing people saying like, you know, Ric Flair, right? They go, hey, you know, did you have like, writers and, you know, for your rants, blood? He goes, writers. He goes, I came up with half that shit in the, in the car, ride over from the airport or sometimes I'll be hanging with my wife. My wife always gives me shit because I don't take Uber. Yeah, I don't take. It's just some fucking guy.
- [53:18]
Steve Austin
I get a cab.
- [53:19]
Bill Burr
Yeah, I get a cab. Yeah. I don't like the Uber drivers. Like, the. Especially out here. They're in show business. Half them, they got a script, they know who the hell you are, and then they know where you live. Yeah, I don't like that. I like the cab driver. Yeah, hello, my friend. Blah, blah, blah. And then it's over. It's fucking over. So I went on this, this riff about it, about how, you know, it was basically like hitchhiking. And then I did this whole serial killer like, testimonial thing about, you know, how much he loves his job and everything. She was dying laughing, and I was just like, all right, I'm gonna do that now. That bit, you know, where it's at right now would never be worthy. I wouldn't even do that on, like a late night show, maybe Maybe it's like a late night bit, but it's nowhere near where it's at right now would ever be put into a stand up special even. I don't care how hard it kills, it's just like it's fucking Uber. It's like to me that's like there's certain subjects that are just, it's like, you know, remember that checks mix party mix. That's what it is. It's like, it's like that level. It's not like fucking Johnny Walker, but blew up on the top shelf. It's just bullshit you're putting in your mouth now, those things. But what those are great about those things is they get you saying something new which gets your mind in a new place, which could lead to something new. Like that bit could then elevate up to something that then, you know, you can take the most basic bit and you, depending on what you do with it, you can turn it into something worthy of being on a special whether it gets there or not. We'll see. We'll see what happens when I go up. Just riffing.
- [54:42]
Steve Austin
I read that you still like to travel.
- [54:44]
Bill Burr
I love it.
- [54:45]
Steve Austin
God damn it. Well, it's because you're still doing it, I think. Or maybe just because you love to travel.
- [54:49]
Bill Burr
Because, man, I, I, I, I like once I get there, I hate going to lax. Oh yeah. That's why I never get mad at when babies cry on the planes. Because I always, I, they when babies cry on planes, it makes me laugh because I always think like that's exactly what I'm thinking right now. Like if it was socially acceptable for me to break down and just start sobbing, I would because I feel exactly how that baby feels right now. I don't want to do this. I want to go home.
- [55:13]
Steve Austin
When I was on the road, I always called it those 15 years, give or take, zombie years. I mean like you're a human being, but you're just going, man. And you're doing the things in life, you're coherent and you're making decisions, but you're in go mode. That's just what you do. When I got out of the business, it took me three years to get out of that and then turn back into a civilian. So now when I travel, it's a real pain in the ass because I don't want to go nowhere. I'm a homebody now. I put up my time on the road and I'm in a different mode. So I'll go somewhere to do work. I just don't like to travel or go to different spots. I ain't never been to Hawaii. Out of all the places I've been to, my wife, she's been six times. She wants me to go to Hawaii. I don't want to go Hawaii.
- [55:53]
Bill Burr
Go to Hawaii. Yeah, do it.
- [55:54]
Steve Austin
You're telling me to go Hawaii? My helicopter over there. Here's the thing. Airplane. Check it out. If you're sitting there, you're riding in first class, and some dude walks by, or a chick, and they got on a shitload of cologne, of perfume, and it just fucking punches you right in the goddamn mouth. Shit. Like that irritates the fuck out of me. Or it's the dipshit who's awareness, what.
- [56:18]
Bill Burr
You spent 15 years to get, working your way up to the front of the plane. That's my thing now, is I blow most of my money on travel. Like, the traveling aspect of it, like, I sat in the back of those for almost 20 years, and I'm like that guy who went to jail for the last time. Like, I ain't going back. I sat there. You know what the worst was? Those DC9s where you didn't. You get the window seat and the engine is right there. You know, they had a malfunction one time, and if something flew out of the engine, just like took somebody's head off, went right into the fuselage.
- [56:50]
Steve Austin
I remember that.
- [56:50]
Bill Burr
Yeah. So, like, there's that. Or you get the seat next to the bathroom or once I sat next to somebody one time who was so fat, they were like. They were next to me and in front of me at the same time. Dude, like, I remember he was trying to make himself smaller by crossing his arms, which just. What are these muscles called on the side of your back? His lats fanned out like a dragon's wings. And it was like, literally, like, in front of me. And what killed me was he was dating this chick who was so petite, and she took the window. He took the middle seat. It's just because he. He wanted her to see shit. Yeah, it's like, will you fucking put the fat over there?
- [57:28]
Steve Austin
Stick her in the middle, dude.
- [57:30]
Bill Burr
Her feet almost didn't touch the floor. She was so petite. And I'm just sitting there next to the guy, and I was in the last row seat, didn't recline, all of that shit. And I just at this point, like, I. I don't. If I'm flying to San Francisco, I'm just like, put me in the front of the plane. But, Bill, you're going to Spend more on the ticket than you're going to make of the gig. I don't give a shit. I don't care.
- [57:50]
Steve Austin
The thing about it is, man, I'm very frugal with my money. But when you work with Vince, I flew coach my whole fucking life, then finally turned into a top guy in New York. So then when you turn into Stone Cold or Taker, whoever, Hulk flair. Once you get first class, you're first class for life. And so when we used to fly on our own dime back to Texas, I'd go cattle car or whatever, trying to save a buck. But you know, back. You know, when you finally. Because I'm going back to what you're saying. I paid my dues and you were sitting. One of my biggest pet peeves is not only the cologne of the perfume, it's always tell people just whatever you're spraying on just a con hair less, just one little fucking puff and just put it away. Or the bag slapping you in the head.
- [58:35]
Bill Burr
No, my thing. My thing is the person's foot coming between the. The seats. Like, you ought to be able to take a pen and just stab him right in the arch, like.
- [58:44]
Steve Austin
Or if you're sitting there and the person behind you uses the back of your seat to pull themselves up instead of using their armrest, use that. Or here's one big one. I'm okay with chicks wearing sandals, but if it's a dude wearing sandals and I can see his feet.
- [58:58]
Bill Burr
Yeah, I don't.
- [58:59]
Steve Austin
I'm not cool with that. I don't want to see a guy.
- [59:00]
Bill Burr
I got one. There was a guy in the seat right in front of me. He was like one of these guys. He was a big guy. And you know those people where they start to sit down using their muscles, and halfway down it just becomes a free fall. They let themselves go and this guy goes to sit down and just wham. Dude, the whole seat just came back into my knees. I was just like, dude, what the fuck? And I remember, you know, ever since, you know, post 9 11, like you reacting to a chair, hitting your knees, all of a sudden, you're a trait, sir. What's it mean? Why are you being hostile? It's like, is that fat fuck just, you know. And then, you know, I'm gonna. The F word starts coming out.
- [59:35]
Steve Austin
The bad guy, he's irate. There's something wrong.
- [59:39]
Bill Burr
Sir, are you gonna be okay to fly today? Like that type of shit?
- [59:42]
Steve Austin
I'm just like, yeah, I'm gonna be fine. Shut the fucking door.
- [59:45]
Bill Burr
No, you Know what I did was I. When I went to get up to get the guy back, I used the back of his chair and I did it really quickly so his head would be off and I let go and it whacked him in the back of his head. But still, that's at least cushion for your head. I still got it the worst.
- [59:58]
Steve Austin
But see, here's another thing gets me. When you're sitting there and there's someone in front of you where they just similar what you just said, but they hit the button and it just automatically recline as fast as they can and as far back as they can. It's like when I'm sitting in front of somebody, I know I've got. I bought the same space. I know I've got that real estate to work with, but because I'm a good motherfucker and I've had all those things jammed to my knees, I'll only come back so far because being considerate, it's etiquette, it's considered empathy.
- [60:27]
Bill Burr
Yeah. Yeah. People don't have it. No.
- [60:29]
Steve Austin
Nobody gives a. They don't trying to not infringe on their space.
- [60:33]
Bill Burr
No. You know, it's too also in the back of the plane, which I couldn't stand. It's like they scientifically designed every possible way that you were going to sit to try and get comfortable, to make sure there was some piece of hard plastic. They even measured, I swear to God, the distance between your armrests and the side of the plane. If you have a window seat, like, oh, I'm just gonna lean my head here, you know, against this. Maybe I can do this. It's just far enough to make the other side of your neck start to fucking hurt. So you start balling up your hooded sweatshirt. It's just. It's the. It's the. It's. It's. It's the fucking worst. And I don't care how much money it cost me, I'm. I'm not going back. I'm not going back. I can't do it. No, you can't go back. I spent 20 years in the back of thousands of fucking planes. I'm just not doing it.
- [61:17]
Steve Austin
I've been there. Hey, man, is there anything else you want to talk about?
- [61:21]
Bill Burr
I think we covered it.
- [61:22]
Steve Austin
We did.
- [61:24]
Bill Burr
Dude. It was an absolute thrill to meet you, and I got to shake your hand and thank you. The amount of entertainment that you've given me and the laughs, you and all the guys that you work with, you guys are some of the most amazing Patrice o'. Neal. I wish, you know, I wish he was still around. The way, the way he held. He was. He's the greatest comic that I ever saw. The level that he held you guys in. He was saying, bill, these guys are some of the greatest actors on tv. And I was just, what are you talking about, man? And he literally goes, dude, they got. They're like this big. They're connecting with somebody in the upper deck all the way over there. Just like, you know, me and all my friends are such huge fans, you guys. So thank you for everything you've done, all the sacrifices to your body. All right, now I'm done. I'm done. Thank you for joining us for another classic episode of the Steve Austin Show. Please leave a rating and review on Apple podcasts and tell your friends. For more Steve Austin show, go to podcast1.com that's podcast o n e.com.
- [62:26]
Announcer
Stream all the movies and shows you love for free on Pluto tv.
- [62:30]
Bill Burr
Say what now? Showtime.
- [62:32]
Announcer
That means drama is free. With heart wrenching stories from love and basketball power and Greenleaf.
- [62:37]
Steve Austin
In this family we live by the.
- [62:38]
Announcer
Spirit and laughter is free. With gut busting comedies like Key and Peele, the neighborhood Everybody Hates, Chris and Boomerang. Watch all the hits all for free from all your favorite devices.
- [62:50]
Bill Burr
Oh, my God, I love it.
- [62:52]
Announcer
Feel the free Pluto TV stream. Now pay never.