← The STIMPACK Podcast
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- [00:00]
A
Welcome to the Stimpak Podcast. Stimpak is a Haiti focused think tank and interventional ngo. Thank you for listening.
- [00:09]
B
Welcome back, everyone. Welcome to the finale, the season finale of The Stimpak podcast, 43 Days of Freedom. We're thrilled to be here. Finally we're at the end of this long and painful season. And great to welcome back my incredible wife and leader of my rescue team, the one and only, the spectacular, the beautiful, the mother of 10 children and one husband, Mary the amazing Frasier. Welcome back to the podcast. So we've, we've done it. This is, we've been looking forward to this one and only this episode because it, it talks about the fun stuff and so we're, we're grateful to, to be in this one. Mary, any, any thoughts about how to. Should we just kind of pick it up from, from the beginning or. Look, why don't we go to the airport? You want to go back to the airport? I think we talked a little bit about that in the previous episode, but maybe we pick it up there. Are you okay with that? I know that the listeners heard my perspective of the airport kind of initial meeting. Why don't you pick up your perspective maybe with a little bit of detail there?
- [01:25]
C
I remember being disappointed that we couldn't get you out that night, that you were freed, that we had to wait till the next morning. But we had that good conversation that night in the hotel. The day that you were flying to me was stressful until you were in the air. I think we've mentioned that a little bit already. One of our children was graduating from elementary school that day. So I had to go to that graduation and I was just. It was like Christmas, Christmas Eve. Like, it was taking so long to get to the part of the day where I got to go to the airport. It was just taking forever. Just so excited to go. And I had to go all the way down to the Miami airport, which it's, it should only take an hour, but it's kind of like going to lax. We lived in Orange county forever. It takes, it took like three hours.
- [02:15]
B
30 minutes or three hours? Either one. Yeah.
- [02:18]
C
And it took three hours, the whole three hours. But I remember I was talking to my brother Aaron on the way down there and my sister. Everyone was feeling all the feels with me that had, you know, gone through that journey with us and. But I also remember being very nervous of not really knowing what my next few months of life were going to look like, what you were going to actually look like. I hadn't seen you. We didn't do FaceTime.
- [02:44]
B
Yeah.
- [02:45]
C
And being nervous about that, but also being as educated as I could be on what to expect and being totally happy that I got to do that part. I'm like, I don't care. I don't care. I just want to move to the next part, whatever that journey is. Let's just start this next part. Because the last six weeks were terrible. Like, I just. Whatever. You know, people would try to, like, prepare me and warn me and, like, maybe even scare me a little bit about what I could have to deal with. And there was a part of me that was like, okay. But there was a part of me that was like, I don't care because we're going to be together. And so I was just so excited to get to the airport.
- [03:23]
B
Okay. And so you see me coming in the rearview mirror with my weird floppy trauma run. What's going through your head?
- [03:32]
C
We, like, we. We really didn't nail that first initial scene very well, did we? We messed that up a lot. Like, I expected him to want to get in the car to have the reunion. So I wasn't even out of the car. I was. Stayed in the driver's seat because I didn't think he would. He's like, you know, historically this big macho guy. Like, I didn't think he would want to, like, break down in public, so I thought he would want to get in the car. I'm trying to, like, be sensitive to all the things, but he comes to the driver's side, and then it's locked, and I'm trying to open it. It's like, awkward. But, yes, I did see you in my rearview mirror running towards me, and it was alarming. You clearly had lost muscle in your legs. You were not. And you were trying to run. You couldn't even walk normal, let alone run, and just covered in your beard, and your hair was super long, and you were so skinny, and your. Your coloring was all off, and you weren't wearing clothes that were yours, and you didn't have anything. You know, you're at the airport, you don't even have anything. I can't even imagine what people standing by were thinking. Yeah, but. But honestly, I don't remember, like, having any fear or anything. I was just. I was just so happy. And then you. And then you finally got in the car. We embraced for a little while, and then you got in the car and we didn't leave. I remember we sat in the car for a little while and we chatted and we just were staring at each other and I made you take a picture because I had so many people that wanted to know you were actually in America. So I sent that to all the different group chats.
- [05:08]
B
I remember posing for that picture. I was definitely not ready for it. And then it occurred to me that I felt weird and that I probably looked weird. And I tried to not look weird. I tried so hard to not look weird in that picture. If you look. And maybe we'll post that picture, you know, on the. On the podcast episode page. But it. It is clearly a weirdo picture. Right. I'm, like, glassy eyed. And that's.
- [05:38]
C
That's got to be something to do with being in shock. Like, because your eyes looked a certain way for the first few days. I. I think it's got to be a shock thing.
- [05:47]
B
Yeah. I don't know what that is. Yeah, yeah.
- [05:50]
C
But then they started to be normal after a few days.
- [05:53]
B
You can see it. I'll put. We'll put the picture up. And it looks creepy.
- [05:57]
C
Yeah.
- [05:58]
B
Anyway, yeah, we take that picture, you send it. I'm very rough looking, but I just remember being so pumped to be in that car with you in America, to have air conditioning and to be sitting next to you holding your hand. I wanted to go nowhere and go everywhere all at the same time. Just so many positive emotions all at once. It was all spectacular. I was so.
- [06:32]
C
Yeah.
- [06:33]
B
So excited.
- [06:36]
C
We do remember because you always drive in our relationship, and so I do remember being like, do you want to drive? And you're like, yeah, wait, no, not yet.
- [06:46]
B
Give me a minute. Give me a minute.
- [06:49]
C
I mean, Miami's probably the first place you want to start back driving.
- [06:54]
B
Yeah. I don't know. I don't remember why I felt that way. That feels like too much sensory requirement at the moment.
- [07:04]
C
Well, it didn't take you long because the first place we went was Chick fil A. And after that you wanted to drive. It didn't take you long.
- [07:14]
B
That is such a funny thing that I wanted Chick Fil a. I remember Stephanie and I talked a lot about our first meal we were going to have. That's why it's so funny that you may recall from her episode that she said somebody brought her Chinese rice, which is like a. A very close cousin to Haitian rice. Right?
- [07:34]
C
Yeah.
- [07:35]
B
But I understand it wasn't her choice, and it's what her friends brought her. But like, I, for some reason, I wanted Chick fil A and I. I'm a total foodie. It's not like Chick fil a is like, my favorite thing or anything. But there was something very familiar because we do go there a lot with our family. And I'm certainly. Man. I'm not saying I'm too good for it, but it just felt so familiar in my brain. I think that's what I was craving was. Was that. Yeah. Anyway.
- [08:04]
C
Yeah. And I remember I had brought a bag of clothes for you because I wanted to get you looking and feeling normal as soon as possible. So as soon as we got to chick fil a, we were at some random Chick fil a in the Miami area. We. You went into the restroom and changed. And I ordered all the food. And I. And I do remember me asking if you wanted your normal. And you're like. And you ordered, like, two meals. You thought you were going to eat two meals.
- [08:29]
B
Did I not?
- [08:30]
C
I don't think you finished it.
- [08:32]
B
Yeah. That's funny. Yeah. I was definitely still trying to figure out how to hoover. I wanted to eat so much all the time. But it took a few days for us to. To get to where I. Either of us could. Could eat properly. Maybe talk a little bit about why you lost a ton of weight while I was gone too. I remember being surprised by that when I got back. You know, I just hadn't imagined that. That you would have had such a parallel. And this will be a repeating theme in this conversation. You had had such a parallel experience to mine while I was gone. Tell me a little bit about why we both lost a bunch of weight.
- [09:16]
C
I didn't want to talk about the emotional things, but. Okay. I just. I. I mean, to keep it shorter. I just had a hard time eating. Knowing you couldn't. Like. It was really hard for me to know that I could. And, yeah, I didn't like it. Okay, Sorry.
- [09:37]
B
We don't have to go there. This is supposed to be the happy episode. It's happy because now we're eating. That was awesome.
- [09:47]
C
And I had so many. I brought so many. So we were gonna go to a hotel for a couple days to get you cleaned up, to get you, you know, at least your water weight back on before you saw the kids. That was kind of the plan. And I remember the kids and I had been saving some of your favorite foods, and we had, like, packed them all up. He's a huge fan of the pink cookie from Crumbl. We had some of those in our freezer that I brought you and some other random things. But I remember just being so excited to feed you. I just wanted to feed you. All the things I like feeding you normally, but this was, like, on hyperdrive.
- [10:22]
B
Yes, yes. No, I. I remember that. And being so pumped on it. I was super on board for that. It's like, yes, let's go somewhere and just hoover an obnoxious amount of food.
- [10:34]
C
Do you remember where we went right after Chick Fil A?
- [10:37]
B
Yes, I actually. Did we get my hair cut first or go to. To get my phone hair? That's right. We went to get my hair and beard shaved. And I remember we went to some random barber, like, legit barber in Miami somewhere that we had found. And he was closing. Right. He had. He was finishing up his last customer. And I forget how we convinced him to stay. Like, did we tell him any of the story, like, you got into? I don't think we did, because I.
- [11:07]
C
Think I remember you being. You were pretty bold with him. And I was like, oh, my gosh. Like. Because I didn't know how open you were going to be with people in general. And the fact that you're telling this random guy. I was like, okay, here we go.
- [11:20]
B
I remember telling him during the haircut a little bit, but I can't remember how we convinced him to stay open. Or maybe I just.
- [11:29]
C
I think he just looked at you.
- [11:33]
B
There's something weird with this dude. Yeah. Anyway, so we've helped. We convince him to stay open a little bit longer, and he shaves my face and gives me a haircut. It was a terrible haircut. You'll see in the pictures. Didn't cut it nearly enough. But anyway, gave me a shave. And I remember that was a little traumatizing as well, because I thought I was thin. But after you shaved my beard, then I could really see how thin my jaw was.
- [12:04]
C
And, yeah, I remember thinking that, too. Like, oh, wow.
- [12:08]
B
And then the shirt that you brought me was way too big now. Right.
- [12:13]
C
And it was like the smallest shirt you owned.
- [12:16]
B
Yeah, it's all loose and flowy.
- [12:22]
C
We bought you some clothes pretty quick, too. I remember that.
- [12:25]
B
Yeah. So then we went straight from there. We should post those pictures on the website. Well, we went straight from there to, like, Verizon. Yeah, to Verizon. So the gang had stolen my phone and my iPad and my Apple Watch, and it still felt like they had a piece of me because they had that tech and could legitimately log into my stuff. And they were doing that.
- [12:54]
C
They were. Yeah. I remember we were. We were spooked at home because we would start to use our different, like, entertainment media streaming services, and they would start to say other random names on them instead of yours, and that was yucky.
- [13:09]
B
Yeah. Yeah. And then my. They were trying to change my icloud account to Haitian names and, you know, all that kind of stuff at Apple tv and, you know. Anyway, so we went straight to the Verizon store, got me a new phone, and then started killing the other devices and turning them into bricks. That took, you know, an hour and a half or so. We had to tell the Verizon guy what we were trying to do at some point to motivate him to kind of work harder at his job. And it worked, right? He totally got on board and went to work, and it felt fantastic to finally brick all of those devices and have my own. That they couldn't touch. And all those devices were.
- [13:52]
C
Well, and he was doing, like, all these extra things. Once he got on board with us, I mean, we were the only ones in the store. And he was staying after, like, an hour after close, and he's like, oh. He's like. And we're. Then we're going to do this thing. And then we're going to do this thing. Like, they'll never. It's going to be a brick.
- [14:06]
B
Like.
- [14:06]
C
It was awesome.
- [14:07]
B
Yeah, awesome. It was awesome. So then we left there and went to the hotel, right? No, we went to maybe the store and bought more junk food. Or maybe we just go to the hotel. I forget.
- [14:19]
C
I can't. Yeah, I can't remember. I think I. Yeah.
- [14:23]
B
Regardless, we arrive at the hotel, and I remember spreading out all the junk food on the bed just in ridiculous gluttony fashion, because I remember you brought Utah bread. Right. Somehow you had. That was delicious. What's that bread called that? We had that.
- [14:42]
C
Grandma Sycamore's Aunt Richie brought that.
- [14:45]
B
That's right. Which is spectacular bread. And I forget what else was in there. The cooked crumble, cookies, and I think we got ice cream. It was so great. And of course, I couldn't eat nearly enough of it because, you know, my stomach had shrunk, but it was.
- [15:00]
C
You also would not stop taking, like, scalding showers. I think you took, like, five that night.
- [15:06]
B
Yeah. Yeah. That was a weird thing, but was awesome. It was awesome. And then, you know, I just remember us talking, you know, forever about our stories and sharing our experience because neither of us had any idea about anything. Right. There was all these questions that we had. Like, you know, what did you mean when you said this and what did you mean when you said this and this thing happened? What was like, I've Always wondered this, you know, and finally shed light on our comparative stories.
- [15:42]
C
Yeah, And I remember that was probably one of the things I was the most scared about, was having to tell you our side and being nervous that you were going to be angry with the way we had handled things, because I knew we were working against you and I knew we were doing things you weren't. You didn't seem to want when you were on the inside. And so. And I had been warned that most marriages don't survive these types of things because, you know, it's just so much. And one's fighting one side, one's fighting the other side, and you. There's just so much room for judgment and error. And I just. That was something I was really nervous about that, you know, because, I mean, our personality types, like, you're the take charge guy. So, like, for me to be that role for the six weeks and then, like, have to present to you, like, this is what I did. I was, I was very nervous. But I just remember you were full. You had so much grace and, and patience and understanding around the whole situation. Like, it still to this day has never been even a little bit of an issue, which is a huge blessing, I believe, a huge miracle.
- [16:49]
B
I want to start by taking issue with that. I'm the take charge guy.
- [16:54]
C
You're cutting out.
- [16:55]
B
You are the. Can you hear me now? Just to be clear to the audience, my wife is the mother of 10 children and runs an incredibly tight ship. So to assert that I'm the take, take charge guy is absurd, by the way, anyway. But. And as you guys all know from this whole podcast, that Mary did incredible things on my behalf. And, And I knew that in there, certainly on the, on those last few days, you remember, I talked to her on, I think, day 38 or something. And from that point forward, I began to become aware that she had become this incredible thing. And then that night, sitting in the hotel room exchanging stories, that just became more and more clear. And in the days that unfolded, I got to sit at her feet, so to speak, and hear how she had become this amazing thing. You know, it's interesting, you know, with my military background and business and just general leadership. And then I, you know, not sure if I mentioned I. I lost my mom to violent crime when I was young, when my. I had an abusive stepfather who eventually killed my mother. I've had all these kind of trials. Rough goes. I was hungry as a child. We just didn't have money. Anyway, there's a lot of formative experiences in My life that I did not share with Mary, right. Those were me. And as we've gotten to know each other over our 20 years of marriage, I've tried to help her get to know me as best I could verbally. Right. And tell story after story. And that's a wonderful thing to bring you together with someone, to bond with someone is to have them understand you. That's what we try to do as couples. But it's really hard, right, to do that through stories. And so all of my most formative experiences were not shared. They were independent of Mary until, of course, you know, our marriage. And we've had our trials that have bonded us, right. And creates a marriage. However, this experience is likely the most formative experience for both of us. And we shared it, right? And I didn't realize how much we had shared it until these days as we started to discuss how parallel our experience was. And we just became this super bonded team partnership in those days. And that was such a beautiful homecoming because not only did I get to be home, I got to be at a better home than I left, right. And when the opposite is what I expected, right, I expected to become. Come home to terrible. And instead I, you know, I got this eternal gift out of the whole thing.
- [19:45]
C
Well, thanks, babe. I remember feeling the same way that. Being so pleasantly surprised at the. Even though we were going through very different actual physical things, the spiritual and emotional and mental trials that we were experiencing were very similar. And the learning that we were both wiring from that was very similar. And I just felt like that was such a tender mercy from our. From our God that we were still becoming this. Becoming one as a couple through something so horrific while apart, while physically apart. I mean, it. It's still, to this day, like, I feel like we could write a book just on that because it was so miraculous. There were so many. As we would go through all of the days and the events, we would tell each other what we were doing at those moments, and we just couldn't believe. Like, time after time, we couldn't believe the similar emotions we were having through different physical situations. But at the same time, it was. It was amazing.
- [20:56]
B
And we're getting similar answers through prayer about the lessons we should be learning in those moments and surrounding that trial, what we should be asking for and what we were receiving.
- [21:11]
C
Yeah, miraculous, to say the least.
- [21:16]
B
It was. I remember buying some new clothes that next morning. We found some, like, beach wear place, because the clothes that you. You brought me to wear at the beach were like a dress. So We. I remember buying tiny little clothes that I, for sure cannot fit in. I think I've given most of them away now, but it felt good to have something that fit.
- [21:40]
C
Yeah. And we were just kind of in and out of pretty emotional moments those first few days. Well, I mean, really for a lot months. But those first few days definitely heightened. We would have, you know, normal moments and then kind of trauma moments where we were just embracing and crying again.
- [22:00]
B
And.
- [22:00]
C
And that happened a lot. And I would say it was just like the slutty, like, steady decline over the. Over the months. And we still have them today, but, you know, way less.
- [22:09]
B
Yeah, yeah. No, it was like, once an hour, and then once every three hours and twice a day. You know, that kind of a thing.
- [22:19]
C
Yeah. And then we started doing this once. Well, I feel like I'm jumping ahead, but do you want to talk about the therapy and all of that?
- [22:28]
B
Yeah, sure. Yeah.
- [22:29]
C
Okay. So pretty. I. I think we were still in the hotel when I let you know that the FBI was offering us trauma therapy and that they had very specialized therapists that dealt with kidnapping and hostage situations.
- [22:45]
B
And in Haiti, like Haiti, if that tells you how frequently this kind of thing happens.
- [22:53]
C
Yeah. And I don't even know if we've ever even said that to this audience, but when you were first kidnapped, they told me, well, you're part of a few a week that this happens to Americans.
- [23:03]
B
These are Americans. Right. You don't hear about them because they don't hit the news. Because it's really bad if it hits the news.
- [23:08]
C
Right.
- [23:09]
B
It does not help the captive people effectively keep it quiet.
- [23:13]
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so you were immediately interested in that. You were very much aware that you were not yourself, that I think that feeling of shock was really what was doing it. So I think we started making calls. Even that first. It was probably, like, the second or third day, we started making calls and kind of screening a couple of them. We had a few options. Then we found an amazing woman who is actually Haitian and has worked with several people in our exact situation and just knew perfectly what we needed it. Like, I. I was. I was so amazed. I've never been to therapy before. Makes me wish I had more often because she was so incredible and knew exactly what to say to both of us, even when we didn't really know what we needed next. She. She did. And I. I think I'll always remember, like, one of the first things she said to me was, you know, this is you. Just so, you know, people in your situation, it's like 100 recovery. Like, you're gonna be fine. And I remember thinking, like, oh, awesome. Like, okay, cool. Like, I'm not. We're not gonna be broken forever. And what a. And what an amazing thing to tell people that are just starting their trauma journey. Like, you're gonna be fine. Like, there's this. You're gonna find the way. There's tools, there's. Everything is gonna be at our disposal that you need to heal completely. And then just from the get go, I had such a feeling of like, okay, we'll figure this out. And just. I felt like that was such a brilliant. Yeah, such a brilliant thing for a therapist to say, like, yeah, yeah, no, that was awesome.
- [24:48]
B
Yeah. There was definitely a lot that I. That we both needed to heal from. You know, I. And once we were reconnected, I. I just clung to you, right? And so then anytime you weren't around was. Was hard. You know, I remember being at the hotel, we were hanging out by the hotel pool. I was under the, like a. Like a cabana thing. And you left, I don't know, to get towels or something. And I just started to cry. And there was this family. It was probably 10ft away. And I was just hoping they couldn't hear me. Like, what is this grown man doing with his hands over his face? What is going on? But you get better. The healing begins. I remember being. We tried to go to a movie. What day of the week was it that I got back? Was it like Wednesday?
- [25:46]
C
I think it was a Thursday.
- [25:48]
B
Wednesday or Thursday? Yeah, it was a Thursday. And so then that Friday night. So that would have been 48 hours later or 24 hours later. I. We try to go to the movie and you list off the movies that are available, and all of them sound terrifying to me except one. The Little Mermaid, right? I was like, dude, let's go Little Mermaid. But we love to go to the movies. We love to get Milk Duds and large popcorn and Diet Coke and you eat the Milk Duds and the popcorn at the same time. And we just love doing that, right? I was like, okay, sign me up. Let's. Let's go sit and relax and do that. And we were probably 15 minutes into that movie and there. We love kids, right? We have. We have 10 children of our own and we love them. We think they're amazing, and we have a high tolerance for crazy. However, there was a kid sitting behind us who had the light up shoes. You know, when you run around, they flicker, right? And they. They flickered blue and Red. And that was the same blue and red flicker light that the gang had in, in room one. And every time he would do that, I would, you know, get a jolt. It's this experience. Those of you are not familiar with trauma. For me, it was transportive, right. It triggered. It was a trigger that sent me back into the room, which is irrational. Right. And, and you and I know that doesn't make any sense, that just because this kid's shoes are lighting up, I'm not, I'm not kidnapped again. But your subconscious mind associates the two and is worried that you are and doesn't know better. Right? And so the tools that we get from the therapist is you have to take a minute and think of that through and self. Talk to your subconscious and help your subconscious understand you're not there. Right? Go there, think about it, figure out why your brain wants to go there, and then help your subconscious understand that you are not transported. Right. And if you do it right, once you get good at that, you know, it takes, you know, 30 seconds to maybe two minutes to calm yourself down. And of course you're not in that place and then you're fine. But that those flicker lights combined with the excitement of the. There's like a, like a bad guy scene in Little Mermaid, which I know sounds ridiculous, but all of that together, I was like, mary, I think I gotta tap out of the Little Mermaid. We gotta go. She was very supportive and. And we walked out with, I don't know, 20 minutes into that movie, something like that. Like, okay, I'm not ready for movies yet. Still have our popcorn.
- [28:31]
C
It's all good.
- [28:33]
B
So, so we, we have a great time doing our, our hotel thing. Decompressing. I remember very slowly talking to people like one at a time, reaching out to family. I think I called my parents first. That first call. Was that the. When we did it on the laptop on FaceTime, or did we. Did I call them just quickly and say hello? I think that was the first time was on FaceTime. Maybe we FaceTime.
- [29:02]
C
I think so. Yeah. In the hotel. Yeah.
- [29:05]
B
You know, I remember that was hard. All every one of those initial outreaches was, was tough for me and I can't really tell you why. It was just a lot of emotion, right? And. And you're already at the, like the peak of emotion all day long, right? Like everything is intense. And so stacking a reunion on top of that lot. Right. And that I remember taking those slowly and. And then people don't know how to act around you, right? They don't know what questions to ask. And if they ask the wrong ones, they're super triggers. And I remember I almost hung up on my parents because they. They asked a question they could never possibly know would have been a trigger, but they asked a trigger question, Right? They're just being loving and kind, and they ask a trigger question like, no, I almost closed the laptop, you know, immediately. But, you know, luckily I hung on and you handled it like a decent human. But I think I kind of snapped out on which I hope I have since apologized for.
- [30:07]
C
Well, I mean, in the history of their life, when have they ever known you to be fragile? Like, they just. It's so hard to know.
- [30:14]
B
Yeah. And. And that experience. I remember texting a buddy of mine here in the neighborhood as he. So we make a Facebook post just saying, we posted that picture of us at the airport and said, hey, you probably wondered why we've both been ghosting you for. For six weeks. We're sorry, but we also are going to need some space for a while as we kind of put the pieces back together, right. And so people started to know what was going on and what had happened and were very gracious about giving us a space. One of my buddies from the neighborhood reached out and said, hey, you know, just, you know, sending our regards and being very kind. Right. And I remember sending him a text like, can you tell the people in the neighborhood not to ask me about this? And I forget what I said, but it was. It was a very unhealthy text that I sent him. And I. I think I've since apologized for sending it, but I basically said, tell people not to ask me about it because I'm weirdo right. Right now. And he was very gracious about it, but that's just kind of the weird space I was in for. It was really just a few days, right then I started to really come down and be semi normal right after that.
- [31:27]
C
And we say about it thought that I. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I feel like that every month that went past, we realized we were more healthy than we thought we were. But, like, we kept. We kept on getting healthier and realizing, like, oh, actually we weren't that healthy. Like, we just, you know, and that kind of kept happening for months. And we would go on these walks every day. And I mean, to. To catch up on six weeks of events takes a really long time. And. And it was very therapeutic for both of us to actually catch up on those six weeks. I had taken very, very thorough journal notes, and so we really could I could jar his memory with what was happening on our end, and he quickly could be like, yeah, well, I was. You know, this is what was happening for me right around then. And that was so therapeutic for both of us. I mean, we've always been very close, so to miss six weeks of each other's lives was really hard on both of us. And. And to get those back slowly, and it was almost like we were, like, so anxious to get that all back, and then we were. And then we could settle.
- [32:33]
B
Yeah. And it felt so settling every time you put one of those pieces back together. Like, yeah, okay. I was wondering about that thing. I was wondering how this child did this thing. And this event came up and, you know, JD's playoffs and Kay's graduation and, you know, all the graduations in prom and, like, all the things that I missed. You know, it was so healing to at least understand what I actually missed and, you know, how they handled that and then. And then go to that child and be able to hash that out with that child and talk through, Talk it through and empathize and. And mourn together around the loss of whatever that thing was. Gosh, it was so healing.
- [33:18]
C
Yeah.
- [33:18]
B
I was just remembering going to church that first Sunday. We were still in the hotel. We hadn't come home yet, but Mary and I went to some random congregation in Fort Lauderdale, and we took a picture out front. And I remember feeling fine that day. Right. And I was in my suit. Right. And my regular suit. I thought I was totally normal. So we take the selfie and send it to the family, like, hey, we're doing so much better. And I've since learned from the family that that was a spooky picture for them, too. Right. And if you go back and look at it, it is spooky. It's just. It's. I'm clearly not better yet. I felt better. I didn't look at. They. They were all pretty concerned, like, oh, he's still crazy. Just crazy in a suit now.
- [34:11]
C
Yeah, I remember that we. We FaceTime your parents maybe a day or two after that. And. And I remember your dad being like, you look more normal now. And he liked that. He was like, okay. He liked that. And the other thing I wanted to mention was with the children, you know, we. We were concerned about their trauma also. And that was a real thing that I was very concerned about and would. I spent a lot of time talking to our therapist about how do we make sure that they're okay. She gave us all the tools and all the Questions to ask them to see, you know, if they truly were okay or if they needed, you know, extra. Extra attention as well. And. And so far, very few of our children have needed anything. And I. And I really attribute that to the family that we had that came and stayed with me and stepped up and really took over my. My, like, daily, like, momming job, so that their lives were pretty unaffected other than that first week. You know, they were. They're very used to you being gone. You were in Haiti twice a month for the last three years prior to that, and they were used to you being gone. It was obviously longer than they were used to, but it was. It was okay for me to be like, yeah, it's just taking a long time, but we're going to get them back. It's just taking a long time. And. But I really attribute them not having severe trauma to our amazing family that came. We had so many people that came and helped, and even to this day, people will ask me how the kids are doing, and I'm like, they're really good, actually. I mean, there's been little things here and there, but really for what we went through, for them to be as good as they are is also a miracle.
- [35:58]
B
Yeah. Amen. And then, of course, their faith. Right. All the. The spiritual experiences they had on their own to. To have those assurances that I'd return.
- [36:12]
C
Yeah. Yeah.
- [36:13]
B
Super special.
- [36:14]
C
And then how. How was it when you first saw the kids?
- [36:17]
B
I remember being worried about it. You know, I knew I. I still looked, you know, different, although certainly better than I think. Feel like it was maybe four days. Three or four days. Right after that, I came back. Was it Monday? Yeah, I think it was Monday.
- [36:32]
C
Right.
- [36:33]
B
That we came back.
- [36:34]
C
That sounds right. Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah.
- [36:37]
B
And we. I forget what was the. The occasion was or how we made it happen, but it was. It was perfect. We had. We were home ahead of them. I was able to walk around the house and just kind of take in being home slowly. You know, just look at my. The room and look at my mango tree in the back backyard and just sit. I remember I. I sat on the bench, bench by the front door, just for a minute, just kind of taking it in, just being thrilled to be home in this place that I just wanted to be for so long. And I was finally there. And right as it was feeling annoyingly quiet in our house, they showed up. They came in the front door. I was still sitting on that bench by the front door, and they just dogpiled me exactly how I Just how I dreamed that they would. And I got to touch them all and hold them all real tight and tell them I'm sorry. And then I'm not gonna leave anymore. And it was everything I hoped it would be, you know, Lots of healing tears from everyone, Lots of kisses, and I was home.
- [38:11]
C
Yeah. I think we just sat on a. On a. In a pile on the couch for a long time after that.
- [38:20]
B
For a long time. Lots of cuddling. Then I would rotate and, you know, get another one and grab them and squeeze them. Get another one and two or three. I could have one on each side and one on my lap. That was. It was great. It was great. It was great. It's a great day.
- [38:41]
C
Yeah.
- [38:42]
B
And then you cooked for me was that. I forget what night that was, but. So my. My other meal that I had mentioned that I really wanted to. I had mentioned it to Stephanie was ribs. Some. Mary makes incredible ribs and homemade Mac and cheese and creamed corn, like all these kind of holiday gluttony dishes. And I had mentioned that to Stephanie, and Stephanie, having gotten out before me, had mentioned that to. To Mary, and she was already rocking on it. So. Was that that first night that I came on that you made that, or maybe the night after?
- [39:22]
C
I can't remember. We might have done it that night. That night. We might have. Me and all the kids. We might have done it that night because we were. And we weren't going to go anywhere. We all just wanted to be home. Yeah, I think we might have done it that night. But. Yeah, I mean, they were excited to feed you also.
- [39:36]
B
Yeah, they were.
- [39:38]
C
Yeah.
- [39:38]
B
Then I remember we, you know, we just hung out at home for a couple of days, and then we decided to go to Disney World.
- [39:45]
C
Oh, yeah.
- [39:46]
B
One or two days after I had been home, and I remember everyone was really excited about that. Or Universal. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Anyway, one of the Orlando parks. And I remember being afraid of every ride. And I love roller coasters. I. I'm a thrill seeker. I ride. I used to ride motorcycles and, you know, jump out of airplanes, all that kind of stuff. And I was super afraid of the roller coasters.
- [40:11]
C
But I remember you didn't tell me that until, like, a ways after, and I was, like, mad at you. I'm like, why. Why are you doing this then?
- [40:18]
B
Well, you know, I didn't want to be crazy for the kids. I didn't want them to think they had a broken dad for life, you know, And I, you know, you get better, right? You. You heal, right?
- [40:29]
C
Yeah. Yeah. I Mean, it's just a testament to how strong your mind is, how quickly you recovered it. It still blows me away how quickly you recovered. That's amazing.
- [40:40]
B
Lots of blessing. Lots of blessing.
- [40:43]
C
Yeah.
- [40:44]
B
What else should we talk about?
- [40:46]
C
So one of the things I wanted to make sure we did. I was so grateful to see that you had Austin on recently. And he obviously is incredible. Our team lead, the one we deferred to for everything. And he mentioned that there are so many people, so many of his assets and people that he used that would never be named. And I just wanted to echo that. There's so many people that were involved during the six weeks that can't be named for a various array of reasons. We just, you know, this whole experience really, it brought out, it taught me that, you know, there's a lot of really dark evil in the world, but there sure is a lot of really good, good humans out there too. And, and the fight, the fight for right is real. And I'm just so, so eternally grateful for so many people that stepped up that did not have to. I, I, I would say I'm forever changed because of that and want to be more like that for other people. Like, really, really get in the trenches with people when they're going through their hardest thing. That is a huge attribute. I just have so many people like that in my life that I, that have done that for me, and I want to be more like that. And this, this experience has just made me so, so grateful for people like that and just grateful for how precious life is in general.
- [42:15]
B
Amen. Amen. There's. We, we can never list everybody, but, you know, as I, as I go through this kind of recovery journey, I continue to learn of additional people who somehow served me while I was in. Right. Everything from my, my family to my family's friends to my friends who were connected or new or somehow connected with you, and they knew that I was in captivity and they somehow assisted you to business associates. The list keeps getting longer. Of people who were deeply affected, whether emotionally or logistically or somehow affected. And I've obviously become immensely grateful to them. So let this be yet another thank you. And if somehow I don't know of your sacrifices on my behalf, please feel my gratitude and for my freedom that I now enjoy. And then as a reminder, all of this terrible that we've experienced is so frequently experienced by so many Haitians every day. So the, the thousands of Haitians who have been kidnapped, the thousands of Haitians who have been kidnapped and then killed during their experience that have not made it out of alive, made it out alive. Let's remember all of them. And then let's also remember all the Haitians that remain captive to these horrible internationally funded gangs today. And sorry, I didn't want to cut you off. Did you have something to say, Mary?
- [44:04]
C
No, I know. I was just nodding along. I mean, the only people that are never surprised by our story are Haitians, right? They. Almost everyone that they know, they have so many firsthand people that they know that have been kidnapped if you're Haitian. And it's just so, so tragic. And, you know, I often tell people we got a small taste for six weeks with, with what a lot of Haitians deal with their whole lives. And it. That's why we're so determined to help Haiti any way we can, that they deserve so much better. And I just, I. I'll always remember you telling me that story, which I truly believe is the catalyst for all of the reasons we need to be helping Haiti is when you were leaving your kidnappers and you were leaving the compound for the first time, and you were driving down the hill, you turned around and you saw all of these horrific guards that had been guarding you for weeks, and they're sitting on these like buckets, and you just were like, wow, like, they look so small. And I'm leaving and I'm going back to my life and they're going to be here forever doing this same awful life. You just realizing you are not the captive anymore and they are stuck in this life and, and so many are just stuck. I'm. I'm not saying that they are. Should be excused at all. I'm just saying that there's just a lot of lack of options and so many good people need more options in Haiti.
- [45:39]
B
It's true. It's true. And so let that be a segue. We would hope and pray and beg you guys to join us in season three of the Stimpact podcast, because that's going to be all about solutions, all about how can you as an individual lift Haiti? We're going to educate you on the big picture of truly understanding and properly diagnosing what the issues are in Haiti, what keeps Haiti in the situation that it's in. What is the situation that it's in? Right. We know it's bad. What. Why is it bad? And how can we solve this? And there really are clear solutions. None of it's simple. It is complex, and it'll take some understanding. And you're gonna have to put some work in to understand it. I will try to make it as entertaining and engaging as possible. We'll have some fun with it. We'll definitely have some guests on that will bring a lot of their brilliant expertise to bear so that you can all become educated. I never knew anything about Haiti until about 2018. I probably couldn't even find it on a map. So you can get up to speed quickly. I'm going to bring you along with me on my journey. Both reach back into the past and experience some of the things that I've experienced as I've learned what I have about Haiti and then also get on board with me as I progress from where I am today to add further fidelity and clarity around our plans at SIMPAC and how we plan to lift Haiti. So I'll I'll leave that with you and hope that you'll join us on the next episode. We have we'll have a little bit of a break before we get to that one, but try to keep your emotions ready and your heart open and ready to learn about how to dig in and and help us lift Haiti. But thank you so much for spending time with us today and throughout season two of the Stimpak podcast. If you are a super nerd and really like academics nerd fest stuff, go to season one and listen to those things. There's some. It's rough like I, I won't blame you if you don't listen to them. My only one star podcast ratings are from season one because it's an AI reading our writing, you know, and it's. Anyway, it's boring stuff but if you really want to be a nerd, go ahead and check out season one or hang out and wait for season three. It'll. It'll be a lot of fun. I would like to think. Mary, anything you want to say on our way out?
- [48:16]
C
Just thank you. Thank you for everyone that's gone on this really hard journey with us. We, we definitely feel passionately that this happened to us for a reason. God doesn't just make accidents like this. There's a purpose and, and we will probably work the rest of our life to make sure we do what the Lord wants us to do with this purpose. And so we're just grateful for anyone that comes along for the ride.
- [48:39]
B
Amen. Amen. Leave it with that. Thanks everyone. Love you all and we'll talk to you soon.
- [48:44]
A
We hope you enjoyed this episode of the Stimpak podcast and will subscribe, rate, review and share it with your friends and colleagues. Thank you for listening. This podcast has been brought to you by stimpak, Inc. Copyright 2024. All rights reserved.