← Strategy Hour | Online Marketing for Business Growth
Strategy Hour | Online Marketing for Business Growth
905: Under the Confident Exterior: Uncovering Hidden Struggles of High Performers with Amira Alvarez
00:48:00
Amira shares powerful strategies to help you acknowledge challenges and turn them into opportunities for radical transformation.
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- [00:00]
A
Trust yourself. Be honest with yourself about those whispers. Be honest with what's working. Like you don't have to cut yourself down at the knees and say everything's gone to hell in a handbasket. Admire your life. Be honest about what's working and then be honest about where the gap is and what you would like to be different. And listen to those whispers and trust yourself.
- [00:23]
B
Welcome to the Strategy Hour podcast brought to you by Boss Project. I'm your host, Abigail Pumphrey and I'm dedicated to supporting online businesses. I don't believe in one right way to build a business. I'm here to help you build business your way. One that supports not only the life you have, but the life you want. I'm on a personal mission to help you become financially free. I'm taking all the lessons learned as I turn to layoff into a seven figure online business. I'm here to help you prioritize your life every step of the way. Whether you're creating your first digital product, growing an email list, or scaling an already profitable business. Settle in. It's time to talk strategy. Looking for a way to make a difference with your morning coffee? Grab a bag of talitha coffee@bossproject.com Coffee Every purchase helps support survivors of human trafficking. Make every cup count@bossproject.com Coffee today on the show, I'm joined by Amira Alvarez, the founder and CEO of the Unstoppable Woman. Amira is an inspiring entrepreneur, coach and host of the Unstoppable Woman podcast. Known for her remarkable achievement of increasing her income fivefold in just one year and building a multimillion dollar company. Amira's passion is guiding high achieving women toward even greater financial success and fulfillment. Today, she's helping us peel back the layers of high performance, uncovering the hidden struggles many ambitious women face despite their outward success. Get ready to dive deep into the strategies that are going to help you acknowledge these struggles and leverage for radical transformation. Amira, welcome to the show.
- [02:08]
A
Thanks for having me. I'm excited for our conversation.
- [02:11]
B
Well, I'm excited to have you because you've built such an incredible business and reputation and you've been working with so many incredible women. I'd love to know more about your journey though. What led you to creating the Unstoppable Woman?
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A
Yeah, so, I mean, part of it was my own personal desire to become unstoppable. You know, I started, you know, had my career, had a corporate career and then I started a small business and I had to learn business right from the ground up. I didn't. I had chutzpah, but I didn't know how to run, especially a digital business. So I had to learn a lot. And I loved it, right? I soaked it up, I read everything I could, I learned, I took the courses, I did all the things, and I built this really, you know, fairly successful business. You know, the first year, abigail, I made 30k. I was thrilled to have made any money whatsoever. I was like, hallelujah. Something, right? But it wasn't enough for me to really live off of. So I was hustling, I was working really hard. And that second year, I tripled my income. I was really excited about it, right? That was like, oh, we're making progress here. But I hadn't crossed that mythical six figure mark, right? That 100K was like, you know, so close, but not quite there. And so I still in hustle hard mode, which I've yet to find a successful entrepreneur who hasn't gone through the hustle hard stage of their business. And that third year, I crossed the six figure mark and made 138. Super proud of myself, but I couldn't hustle any harder than I was hustling, right? Like, I was putting the crazy long hours in. And, you know, there was this one time where I was like, end of the day, my husband at the time, great guy, called upstairs, said, hey, babe, dinner's ready. And I was like, I'll be right down. And an hour passed and I was like, ouch. This is not who I want to be. This is not how I want to live my life. He was chill, he was good, but it was a wake up call for me. So at that point, I had to figure out, how do we do life differently? How do we do business differently? And I went into this deep dive into what creates success. And I realized that there were all sorts of things blocking me and I needed to learn how to be unstoppable, how not to stop when the beliefs came up that said, no, this isn't the right thing to do, or you can't do this. And of course, they never come out with like a big sign that says, hey, this is a limiting belief, right? It just feels insurmountable. And so that's the origin of the business. The unstoppable woman was like, how do you break through and consistently break through again and again and again? And so I built doing that work and learning those techniques. I built a multimillion dollar business. I've helped a lot of women break through. And that's been fantastic. And then more recently, Abigail, the conversation for me has been around, like, how can I have. I'm 54. Like, how can I have my ambition but not, like, abdicate the rest of my life? And there's so many really super smart women, driven women, ambitious women who have put everything into their business, and they have patterns around what it takes to be successful. And in the, you know, quiet alone times, they're wondering, well, what about this? And how come this demon hasn't, you know, been resolved, given all the success that I've had? So that's been the most recent work that I've been doing is working with people's core wounds around that, you know, and how to keep going when you're redefining what drives you.
- [06:12]
B
Yeah. I think so often we get pulled in to this world where we think we have to act a certain way and, like, do certain things and check certain boxes and, like, pursue, pursue, pursue. And I do think there's a level of balance, but I know so many of your clients often, like, appear confident, they appear successful on the surface. And, like, if you were just to, like, meet them at a conference or, like, run into them at a networking event, you wouldn't necessarily know that they had any sort of things holding them back. But I myself am absolutely willing to admit that I have so many hidden struggles that are kind of behind the surface that, you know, are underneath it all. And what are those things that you're kind of seeing as a common theme for women that they're facing that they're not necessarily sharing on the outside of their business?
- [07:09]
A
Yeah, this is a big one. And I would say, like, you and me both, and so many of my clients. Right. Like, I think that there's a time and a place for putting on your game face. Right. Like, you've got a big event that you've got 500 people in the audience, and something's not going right behind the scenes. You're going to bring it, right? You're going to, like, that's your responsibility to, like, show up and do the right thing for the people who are there. But then there's these other times where, like, being confident when you're not feeling good about life is doing you a disservice. And you have to look at those moments because they're really. They're poignant and they're really powerful if you tap into them, if you're honest with yourself about them. And so many of my clients, you know, you wouldn't know that things were happening underneath the surface, because they appear incredibly confident. And oftentimes to run their business, they have to have that level of confident exterior. And yet you want to work with the doubts that are behind the scenes. Because if you don't, they fester and they will come, quote, unquote, come and get you at some point. You know, it doesn't mean. I don't think we have to go all or nothing here and say you either have to be all confident or all in self doubt. That's not the truth. For most very successful women, they're very confident most of the time. And then there's times when they're having some doubt. Usually it's less about their business and more about things in their personal life.
- [08:41]
B
Oh, yeah, our personal lives affect us all the time. And I've heard you use a concept of. You talk about recognizing the whispers, the like, small signs of inner conflict or struggle. Can you explain what those whispers look like and why it's so important for high performers to pay attention to them?
- [08:59]
A
Yeah. So for me, for instance, I would set a new initiative in my business. You know, had the next big goal that I was going for, and I would create all this urgency and create all this drive and energy to achieve that goal. And I was excited by it. It was really important. And, you know, it would be like this, go hard until we got there. And then that moment, you get excited. You're like, I did the thing. And then there's this moment where you haven't yet set that next big goal, right? That next big project, and you have this little moment between. And you start getting these whispers, these things that come up. Like, for me, it was around relationships, right? Like I was like, I'm not in the right relationship. Am I ever going to have the love that I want? And am I lovable? And, you know, like, what about, like, deep friendships? And, you know, I had good friends, but not the level of deep friendship that I wanted, you know, and these whispers would come forward in that moment when I had achieved, just after I had achieved the thing before I set the new goal. And generally speaking, high achievers are running from something.
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B
And.
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A
Right. Like, I know I was right. So we run from something, you know, better than doing heroin. We build businesses, you know, but we're running from our own demons, okay? And we have to recognize that. And those whispers are there. They're speaking to you, they're calling to you. And if you listen and not just set the next goal. I'm not saying don't have ambition, because I love my Ambition. But, like, let's listen to those whispers because they're there. They're there to help you. Yeah.
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B
I honestly think the running away piece, the interesting thing about how that shows up for high performers is, like, I do see it tends to go one way or the other. Like, either they're running away and so they keep running to the next thing. They, like, give up on the current business or the current product or the current whatever it is, and, like, keep moving on to the point that they can't ever reach the level of success that they're looking for. Or they're just ignoring the signs of what's happening outside. And they keep trying to make the current thing work, but things just aren't clicking into place, or they're frustrated or they're distracted. Do you have any suggestions? Because, like, I don't always think running away is the plan. Like, you obviously have to deal with your ish or you're never going to get through it.
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A
Yeah. So, I mean, per. Perseverance has a place. Right. So what I find with the super high achievers is that they achieve the thing that they set out, but then they set the next thing off, you know, the next hurdle, the next big goal immediately so that they don't have to look at the stuff in their personal life like that's. They use the business as distraction from the things that are uncomfortable in their personal life. And they keep doing that again and again and again. I know I'm going to raise my hand to that one. Okay, that's me. And then I think that there is, you know, the female brain is biologically different than the male brain. And I can only speak to the experience of having the female brain, but I hear that the male brain is much more linear and can focus on one thing at a time. I think my experience is that we naturally are biologically wired to focus on a lot of things at once. And if we don't watch that, it can become a distraction. Like, when one thing isn't going well, we'll just focus on the next initiative over here to the left, and we don't finish things to completion. And that's a training process, I think. You know, I agree.
- [12:53]
B
I also think there's an element of it that they get out of touch with their desires or what they want. Like, I see as like, oh, you go after a goal and then you're like, okay, I'm just gonna push towards the next one. And you're ignoring all this other stuff, but the whole time you're never really sure. What you want. Because you're still ignoring the thing that's an issue, which is like, you know, typically some part of it is showing you things you want and you're like, I can't deal with it. But then in your. It causes confusion in your own business. And so you just like keep going for what society is telling you is what's supposed to be the next step.
- [13:35]
A
Totally. Yeah. So I think like, if in those moments when you get those whispers, you pause. Okay, great awareness. I'm getting the whisper, I'm feeling it. And instead of distracting yourself, you go, okay, well what is this telling me? It's telling me that I really want X. Right. I really, like. I had a lot of stuff around wanting relationships. Right. Like lovability. I had stuff around feeling beautiful and wanting to feel beautiful, you know, and like what kind of, you know, kind of vitality I wanted in life. And when I listen to those whispers, and this would be my advice to people, it shows you what your true desires are. And then you have to own that desire because when you claim it and own it, you have a chance to redirect the course of your life. Right. It doesn't have to be an either or. Either I do my business or I listen to this core desire. It can be both. And I think what's confusing for the super high achievers is that oftentimes they think that their core desire is their business. They can tell themselves a little bit of a story that that's what their primary goal is. I know for me, I would just put everything else secondary because that was my, what I was saying was my true desire was to build this business. But in truth, the whispers that were coming up were saying, hey, look over here. Hey, look over here. So I think it's important to give credence to everything that you want.
- [15:05]
B
But how do you maintain both? I think that's the part that so many people get caught up on. And so then they just keep doing what's familiar instead of what may be radically different than where they are today. Like, how do you convince yourself that it is possible to do both or assess if time wise, you have the bandwidth to do both.
- [15:28]
A
Yeah, well, there's a few things here. So time, I feel like we're the masters of time. Okay. I realize sun goes. We all have 24 hours in day. Sun goes up, sun goes down, all that stuff. Right. The earth turns. But we get to decide how we spend our time. And with intentionality, we can absolutely go for what we desire. Now how do you get leverage over yourself, I think, is the real question here. Because you're used to being successful in a particular way. You're used to saying, this is how I am successful. And we fool ourselves into thinking that's the only way to be successful. So the time thing comes up often, which is like, oh, I don't have time for anything else because this throwing myself into my business over here, this is how I'm successful. And that was the case for me. You know, like, that's where I got all the kudos, because I was successful there. But I had to realize that these other things that I wanted, they were going to help me in all the areas of my life. And the pain actually of not having them became more important to me than the fear I had of trying to achieve them and not succeeding. So that's how I got leverage over my own personal demons, was I just didn't want to experience the pain anymore.
- [16:53]
B
How can we really emphasize the power of decision making, though? Because I do think a lot of this comes back to this, like, root of indecision. And so you keep moving forward with the familiar, but how do we make a firm decision to move forward? Do you have any tips for that? Because I think so often that fear just keeps coming in their way and they may hear the whisper, but, like, taking the next step to act on it is hard.
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A
Yeah, I won't deny that it is hard. So one of the things I learned early on in terms of being unstoppable, right? The business is the unstoppable woman. So one of the things I learned was that we have an identity, and our identity comes with beliefs about ourselves. Right? That's how we see ourselves. And when we face challenges that we don't think we're going to be successful at because we haven't previously achieved in that arena, we come up with stories, reasons, logical constructs, not to be persistent in that direction. And it looks like hitting a wall and turning around, hitting a wall and turning around, hitting a wall and turning around. And it becomes, you know, Bob Proctor coined this the terror barrier, right? It's this barrier that becomes bigger and bigger and bigger, and it makes it incredibly hard to move through something. So when you're deciding that you're going to do something, you have to get really clear with yourself that this decision means that you're doing it. That it's not a for now kind of thing. It's not a, you know, maybe when this, you know, I'll do it when the sun is shining, right? Like it has to be a no matter what. And this is where you have to go back to the leverage part, which is you have to get leverage over yourself. What's going to happen if you don't follow through in this arena? You got to get really clear on the consequences. And those have to be important enough to you to stick with your decision. Okay. And then, you know, lots of times it's about having people in your life that help you stick with your decision as well.
- [19:15]
B
Yeah. I assume that support is a massive part of what you feel like helps people stay the course and remain unstoppable. But, like, what else helps you stay in that pattern of continuing to move forward and towards those real desires?
- [19:34]
A
Yeah. I mean, here's the thing. A lot of people don't. Okay. And there's not a magic bullet. Okay. But if you figure out what your core wounds are that keep you moving forward or keep you stuck and you unpack those and you work through them, you have a higher likelihood of staying the course. Right. If you know why you want what you want, and you know what normally stops you and you make a decision to go forward and you find leverage over it. Right. Like, I know this is simplistic one, but I never considered myself an athlete. Right. Like, I had an identity of being not an athlete, whatever you want to call that. Okay. And I decided. But I'd always wanted to be a runner, so I decided to run a marathon, having not ever really run before. And I announced it on social media and that I was doing this. And I signed up for a marathon that was six months out. It was, like, not enough time to train, and I just committed to it. And there was something about having said this out loud and posting my progress and, like, not wanting to lose face, basically. Right. And, like, drop out. That allowed me to finish. And I was very transparent with people. I'm like, I am nowhere prepared. And people gave me all sorts of hints and tips and support, and I ended up, you know, run walking this marathon and finishing it, which I would have totally copped out on myself if I hadn't, like, put it on social media. So that's a simple way of getting leverage that was like, I am not going to not do the thing, having said I was going to do the thing. But oftentimes we make packs with ourselves in private and then we let ourselves off the hook. So you have to figure out how you're going to get leverage over yourself.
- [21:34]
B
I keep seeing it happen. You're caught in a loop waiting for that perfect moment. Overthinking every decision and comparing your progress to the curated realities of others online. I've been there too, and I made a shift that changed absolutely everything. It simplified my approach and allowed me to start trusting my intuition again. Truly, everything changed. My business doubled, then doubled again. I rocked $300,000 launches, enrolled over 10,000 students in a single course, and finally started showing up in a way that felt effortless and aligned. Now I'm sharing those exact tools and strategies in my new three part workshop series, Mindset Reboot. Right now you can grab it for just $11. Hurry. Visit creative templateshop.commindset to find out more. Hiring with Indeed, your search is over. When it comes to hiring, don't go searching for the 1. Just meet your match with Indeed. Get unparalleled access to job seekers with over 350 million unique monthly visitors globally according to Indeed Data and an extended reach through Glassdoor. I love that Indeed makes it easy to hire when we've hired in the past the process full of unqualified applicants. With Indeed, we can target the right candidates for the right position, leveraging over 140 million qualifications and preferences every day. Indeed's matching engine is constantly learning from your preferences, so the more you use Indeed, the better it gets and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit. To get your jobs more visibility at indeed.comstrategy hour, just go to indeed.comstrategy hour right now and support our show by saying you heard about INDEE on this podcast. Indeed.com strategy hour terms and conditions apply. Need to hire you need Indeed. Yeah, public accountability is definitely, definitely the strategy that has been the most effective in my life. I think we must all have the I desire to be a runner phase. I don't know if that's just like a common thing or not, but I had the same thing happen. Now granted, I did not commit to a marathon by any means, but I had given up running after I placed last in regionals in cross country in high school and I was like, I literally got dead last. And everyone around me was like, but there's so many people who didn't finish. And I was like, I still got dead last. So I quit running for more than a decade and then decided before I turned 30 I wanted to at least run a 5K. And I trained for it and did the thing and you know, it's been another five years and I haven't trained for anything since. But I did it. I did it and I definitely know that feeling and it felt so good to, like, bring people along. I think so many people assume that keeping it to yourself is better, but for me anyway, the public accountability, not just saying the goal, but like, bringing them on the journey with you is really fun.
- [24:40]
A
Absolutely. So a little tidbit here. I came in last in this marathon, okay. Because at, like, mile 10, mile 13, I should remember, but it was somewhere in that range, my knee started giving out. And, you know, the truck comes by, you want to ride back? And I was like, no effing way, you know? And I. I made it back. I was very, very, very, very, very slow. But I finished it. Right? So here's the thing. I think that public accountability is great. There's, like, two sides to goals. Public accountability has worked really well for me on this kind of goal. Now there are other goals that are very private to me and that sharing them with people just opens you up to people saying, you're crazy. You can't do that. Don't do that. Right. And it takes a lot of resilience and strength to, like, not listen to that. So there's a time and a place to keep your goals, either to yourself or with a mentor or someone who holds the light for you and isn't going to, you know, cut you down for sure.
- [25:44]
B
Yeah, no, I totally relate. I used to always be the person who was sharing all of it to almost to a fault. And the last year or so, there's been a couple of things that I'm like, I'm surprised I haven't told, like, even my mom or my sister. And. And it has been so much more pleasant to go on this journey with no one giving me feedback along the way. So I agree there is a time and a place for it. It's not for everything because sometimes all the feedback is just noise and isn't helpful. So with that being said, though, what other things have helped you, like, keep the leverage, you know, outside of public accountability?
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A
So there's a few things. One repetition. So being very clear about what I desire and keeping that front and center and present for myself. So when I. This isn't a business example, but, like, when I manifested the love of my life, right? And I got super, super clear about, you know, what I desired in the relationship and who I wanted to be in that relationship, right? Like, how I wanted that to be created, and I just kept meditating on it, like, keeping it present. Not to the point that it got stale, but just, like, it wasn't out of sight, out of mind. I would meditate on it. I would imagine it, I would play with it in my imagination. And, you know, I kept it a soft touch, meaning it wasn't such a rigid. You know, it has to be like this, and I have to do it three times a day. And, you know, it has to be X amount of time. Kept it light. And I think that's part of the manifestation process, if you will. You know, that when you keep things light, you get ideas, you get inspiration, you get things to do. And that's always come very naturally for me on the business side. Like, I'll have a goal and I'll keep that light in my mind, and then I'll get the ways and the means. They'll all come in as I move forward. So staying the course, I think, is about keeping it present in a lot of ways, you know?
- [27:59]
B
Yeah. No, I was just going to mention one of the ways that I've recently tried to keep something light because I think having an example is helpful. So, I mean, we all, at some point in our life have strived to exercise more. And we've all probably put on the calendar, I'm going to exercise three days a week or five days a week, and we're like, I gotta check the box. I gotta do the thing. Right. Well, I decided enough was enough and I gave myself a point system for, like, you get points if you do certain things throughout the day. But instead of saying, like, I'm gonna exercise every day, I ask myself a question at the end of every day. Did I feel grounded by nurturing either my physical, emotional, or spiritual wellbeing today? So I. E. If I went on a walk, I get those points. And regardless, the points mean nothing. Like, I'm not, like, accumulating them for something, but just the reminder that I feel better on the days that I did the thing is more powerful to me than, like, checking a box that I did it at all for sure.
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A
Because you're getting feedback on quality of life. Right? Right. Yeah. So I love that. I think that's smart. Like, it's like, not just I did the thing, but what did I. I think you're also, like, recognizing how it felt to you after, but also, like, connecting the dots to how you feel during the day. Right. Like, how do I say this? It's not just like, oh, yeah, I nurtured myself, but it's like, I felt better about myself. My emotional spirit went up. My experience of my life while I was living it went up. Yeah.
- [29:43]
B
Because the days that I do the thing, I always have a better day. I get more done. Like, even though I technically took an hour out of my morning and all of the things. And I think we know these things, we can understand them logically, and we still tell ourselves stories and convince ourselves that it's not worth it or we don't deserve it. I honestly think that's a huge part of it. I think so often the reason we don't pursue those real desires is this feeling of unworthiness. Can you dig into that a little bit? Like, is there a way that you felt like you got to the point where you're like, I know I deserve to have the life I want to live.
- [30:27]
A
Yeah. So I think that you bring up a really interesting one, which is the relationship between time and the things we want to do. Right. Like, you want to nurture yourself and nourish yourself with exercise. Right. And that takes, you know, an hour in the morning, maybe a little bit more, maybe a little bit less. And, you know, for many people running businesses, you wake up, like, and you got this fire driving you. Right. You're like, there's like a, you know, the sky is going to fall if I don't start, you know, dealing with it right now. Yeah. And having experienced that many, many mornings, I relate. And I had to really dig into where did I learn? Where did I learn that I didn't have time? Right. Where did I learn that it wasn't okay to give myself time and that the world was going to come crashing to a halt if I didn't, like, jump? And it became very clear that this was modeled for me in many, many ways by my mother. Right. And, like, I love her very, very much, but she was always in urgency. There was always something that, like, this guy was going to fall over and needed to be dealt with right away. And I had to jump. I had to learn how to jump and jump quickly and jump fast. And all of that was much more important than anything that I wanted to pursue for myself. So because we build loyalty packs with our parents, we build loyalty packs with other people, too. But, you know, we say, you know, I'm going to be just like, I want your love, I want your safety, I want your belonging. And in order for me not to alienate you, I'm going to be just like you. Okay? And so that's a loyalty pack. And we build those with people in our life, and so we become loyal to their way of being, which means we take on that behavior ourselves. So with that kind of level of awareness, when you can see where you created this, then you can ask yourself, just like you're asking yourself questions at the end of the day. You can ask yourself a question in the moment, as it's happening. Who am I being loyal to here?
- [32:37]
B
No, I think that's a good one.
- [32:39]
A
Yeah.
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B
I'm just like, soaking it all in and thinking about what you guys on the other side are listening to and thinking about. And I just want to make this as actionable as possible. Can you give an example of how you've maybe systematically worked on this? Did you pursue a lot of different things at the same time? Did you just, like, change everything about your life at once and then, like, dug into it, like, what did that look like? And in comparison, how does that work for your clients?
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A
Yeah, so I'm the type of person who wants to change everything at once, and I've done that many times, and it's been an utter failure. Okay. So, like, it's sort of like the classic New Year's resolution thing. We're going to do the 20 new things. And, you know, all the studies on habit forming and change show that if you take on too many things at once, you burn out. Right. You don't affect change. And I was like the poster child for that. Thank you very much. Owning that. So I started to do it differently, which is I'm going to focus on one thing, and it's not that I didn't do anything else in my life. I want to be super, super clear. I ran a business. I, you know, paid attention to what I was eating. I, you know, got exercise. But I really wanted to work on who I was being in relationships. So I focused my personal growth time, my free time, on that. When I did meditation, I would use that as what I meditated on. I find meditation to be one of the best tools for transformation that's out there. And I still, you know, subscribe to that and use that as, you know, my access to change. So. But if I take on too many things and trust me, I'm like a kid in a candy shop, right? Like, if you ask me, what do you want? I'll, like, journal out 50 things that I want, right? And then I'm like, how do I choose which one to do? And there is that whisper, you know, the thing, okay. And it keeps whispering to you, and that's the thing that you need to work on. It may not seem logical. It may not seem like the most important thing. Like I used to say, well, my business is the most important thing because if I make money, money is going to solve A lot of my problems, right? And sure enough, it does, right? You can hire people, you can do this. Right? Like, it takes care of a bunches of things, but it doesn't take care of your heart. Right? There's things that it misses. So I had to start listening to those whispers and putting the thing that kept whispering to me at the top of my list. And then, you know, I'm now with a great man I love, our relationship is really amazing. And now I'm working. Like, the thing that's whispering to me is, like, vitality. I come across as like, someone with a lot of life force, but there's times where my vitality is not where I want it. And so that's been the whisper that I've been listening to of late and doing, you know, and being frustrated over it, like, and needing to do my own work and do my own process on it. So, yeah. Does that help?
- [35:54]
B
No, it does help. It does help a lot. I relate a lot to what you said earlier about time and, like, feeling this pressure to keep going on a huge, you know, expeditious journey. And I know for me, one of the biggest game changers has been letting go of that urgency. And so much so that, like, this definitely shows up more in certain areas of my life than others. Because, you know, the first part of my career, I was following the pattern that was laid in front of me. And so I did urgently check all of the boxes. And then I got to the point where I literally said to myself, I'm out of boxes to check. And I really had to check in with myself about what I want. Like, sure, I could tell you the pants I want to buy or, like, the new home decor thing that I'm interested in, but I had no clue on a bigger life basis what I even had a desire for. And I think part of it is just that you plan to a certain point in your life, and that point is different for every single person. And I just didn't have anything beyond that. And so when I let go of this, like, urgency to always know the answer, urgency to always pursue the next thing, urgency to, you know, get to the place on a certain timeline. Because as a business owner, everything you do is your decision. Like, you chose the checklist of things you have to get done today. That's your own doing. And, like, what happens if you do it slower or over more time? For me, more often than not, it's more sustainable, it's more joyful. I get to enjoy other parts of my life more. Like, there's infinite benefit to slowing down. So I'm really drawn to that. I know you've built this methodology for creating what you call an exquisite life. Can you share how listeners can balance their ambition with this, like, need for that spaciousness and contentment in their personal and professional lives?
- [38:04]
A
Yeah. You know, I think. Let me just speak to one thing that you just said, because I love what you just said. And I would find that, like, I could just keep putting more things on my to do list and I could get it done faster and faster, but it wasn't any more satisfying. Right. What was satisfying to me was, like, the experience of doing it in a way that I admired, that I was proud of. Right. That I enjoyed. And I think that leads to your question, which is, like, I started thinking about what an exquisite life was for me, and it wasn't getting as much done as I possibly could in the fastest amount of time. Right. Like, that was an expeditious, you know, expedited life. Right. But it wasn't an exquisite life. An exquisite life was like, real connection with people. An exquisite life was feeling that my heart was open. An exquisite life was feeling, like, connected to spirit, God, source, the universe. Right. An exquisite life was having deep conversations and feeling lit up in the vitality that I mentioned earlier. Like, these are the things great sexual. Right. Like, these are the things that make for an exquisite life. And I had to really stop and evaluate that. So I think the first thing that I would give people in terms of a methodology would be to really define what that is for you. And maybe it's some of the things that I mentioned. And maybe it's, you know, alone time. Maybe it's being in nature. Maybe it's, you know, I like fashion a lot, you know, but that's changed over time. Like now I'm a little. Like, that used to be what, you know, I just wanted to go to Milan and buy clothes. But, like, now I'm like, I'd rather sit and have a cup of tea and a really good conversation, you know? So an exquisite life, I think, is different for everyone, and we have different facets to ourselves. And so using the clothes thing as an example, I still love clothes, right. I still love pretty things. I'm not going to throw that out, you know, but so the first thing that I would say is, like, own all the facets of your personality and own what looks like an exquisite life to you. And then recognize, like we were talking about earlier, the whispers where you're like, there's a gap there. That is not exquisite for me. And claim what you really want, right? Like, really claim it, and then figure out how to get leverage over yourself, make that decision, and then to stay the course, you know, do the public accountability. Find a mentor, you know, have someone go through it with someone. Right. And figure out how you're going to hold yourself accountable. Because you've probably lost trust in yourself over the years of saying you're going to do things and not do them. So, yeah, there's a lot more to what it takes, but that's a good starting place.
- [41:09]
B
No, I agree. I do think spending the time to uncover what that looks like and kind of putting it in that light makes it easier to kind of remove yourself. Because I think sometimes when you have this pressure of, like, what's my goal or what's my desire? That it's, like, too specific. And I think when you can back it out to, like, how do you want to feel? What do you want your life to look like? It becomes a lot more clear. The kinds of things you would have to do to afford that lifestyle or make that thing possible, or the people you need in your life, the people you surround yourself with, where you spend your time, where you, like, spend your life, like, what city you live in, all of those things kind of come out of that exercise. So I think that's amazing. I also want to just, like, give the audience permission to evolve, because I know if you had asked me what that looked like in my 20s, I would have a very, very different answer than I would have today. And you could beat yourself up all day about that or just, like, acknowledge that you're aging and, like, it's totally normal to want different things a hundred percent.
- [42:19]
A
So when I was in my early to mid-40s, like, I just wanted to make a million dollars. Like, I'm going to be straight with you guys. Like, a lot of people have altruistic, like, I want to save the world. And of course, I wanted to be eth. Ethical and do the right thing and be a good human. But, like, my goals were, like, I just didn't want to be poor. Like, I wanted to be able to buy what I wanted to buy without feeling limited. And that was huge. And that was real. And I. I have zero shame about that. Zero regret. It was huge. Are those my goals right now? I have different goals now. Right. And it's evolution. And I love what you say, give yourself permission to evolve. It's life. It's what we're meant to do.
- [43:01]
B
Yeah. Well, as we wrap this up, I want to give you a chance. Is there any last piece of advice or anything you want to add to what we've talked about today?
- [43:10]
A
You know, trust yourself. Be honest with yourself about those whispers. Be honest with what's working. Like, you don't have to cut yourself down at the knees and say, everything's gone to hell in a handbasket. Admire your life. Be honest about what's working and then be honest about where the gap is and what you would like to be different. And listen to those whispers and trust yourself. You're stronger than you think. You can do this. Trust life to support you. Once you make that decision, life conspires to support you. So know that and trust that it will unfold. Now, will there be no bumps in the road? No, of course not. But like, you know, stay the course. If you do that, you will be able to create again and again an ever more evolved, exquisite life for yourself.
- [43:56]
B
Awesome. I'd love to know where listeners can learn more about your work and where they can connect with you online.
- [44:02]
A
Sure. The best, best, best, best, best, best, best, best, best place is our website, which is the unstoppable woman.com and on that website, I talk about loyalty packs. I talk about core wounds, I talk about shadows of success. I tell stories. There's a private podcast that you can download on Core Wounds and loyalty packs if you want more teaching on that. And when you do that, you get on our newsletter list and you'll be able to hear from me and we can stay in conversation that way. There's a place to book, a time to talk to me, so you can do that as well if you're interested in coaching. But that's the very best place to connect.
- [44:44]
B
Awesome. Thank you so much for being here today.
- [44:46]
A
You're so welcome. Great conversation. I appreciate it.
- [44:50]
B
Hey, a few quick favors before you leave. I'd love if you'd share today's episode, send it to a friend who needs to hear it, and post on social. You can show us where you're listening from, your favorite takeaway or why someone else should listen. Be sure to Tag Megalesez and OSSproject so we can share it. Okay. Second favor, to get podcast updates and all the behind the scenes news from Boss Project. I'd love if you join my VIP list. Just head to bossproject.com signup to make sure I have all your contact details. Really love this show. It would mean so much to me if you'd leave a rating and review it. Not only helps more listeners find the show, but allows us to bring on quality sponsors so we can keep bringing you this valuable content for free. Thanks so much for listening. Until next time.