← Strategy Hour | Online Marketing for Business Growth
Strategy Hour | Online Marketing for Business Growth
953: What Happens When You Don’t Want to Perform Anymore?
00:29:42
This episode is for the version of you that’s tired. The one that keeps wanting to slow down but feels like you’re supposed to keep up.
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If you're going through a lot, it does make sense to keep some of that retracted from your business because it can go the opposite direction, where you're so real that people think you've lost it. I haven't known how to show up lately. Not because I've lost my voice, but because I've outgrown the version of me. Because who used it to prove something. There is so much pressure online to always be relevant, to always provide value, to always be on. But what happens when you don't want to perform anymore? When peace feels more urgent than praise? I'm learning how to show up as me. Without the mask, without the metrics, without pretending someone I'm not. I'm not hiding. I am just in transition. And I know I'm not the only one feeling this way. I believe in building a business your way, not the one that's been predestined for you. If you've built any sort of online business in the past few years, you've probably been told, either directly or indirectly, that being visible equals being valuable. But lately I've been asking what happens if I don't follow those rules? Because who made them up in the first place? They are just self imposed constructs as to how I am supposed to behave. According to who, according to the, you know, sustainable business practices. Who's to say that you can't run a sustainable business without always being on? Like that is just not true. Now I've been through this season before and I went from someone who shared literally everything. I shared every aspect of my life. I shared what I was doing every day, who I was hanging out with, the kinds of activities where I was traveling, all of it. And I felt really exposed. Now I built an incredible community because they felt like they knew me, like deeply knew me, but I had no privacy. I always felt like when I was doing something, I had to capture just the right moment for. For content. And that makes it really hard to just enjoy being there or here or with friends. I want to just be me. And sure, if that sometimes means I capture a really cute photo and want to share it, fantastic. But I don't want to have to be thinking about it in the lens of is this going to be appropriate for my brand? This episode is for the version of you that's tired, the one that keeps wanting to slow down but feels like you're supposed to keep up. I know you still want to be successful, but on different terms. When I say I don't want to perform anymore, I want to Be clear about what I mean by performing, because I think there's this subconscious belief that performing equals fake. But so often, performing often starts with super good intentions, wanting to connect, share, build trust. But over time, it can shift and it will become this default that you are this character that you are showing up as or living up to the standards of, and we're performing a version of ourselves for the approval and validation of others. Performing looks like showing up on social daily, even when you're running on empty. It's about curating your personal life, because that's what the algorithm wants. It's smiling through hard times, whether that's a launch that's gone source or real shit that is hitting the fan. In your personal life, it doesn't matter if you're feeling discouraged or disconnected, you still feel this pressure to show up. You create out of obligation, not a sense of inspiration. And when you have that voice, the inner voice that's in you, the inner voice that wants to create the. That is ambitious and excited, but also growing. The person you were when you started this business is not the same as the person you are today. But I imagine somewhere along the line, you drew a line in the sand and says, I am supposed to act like this version of yourself. But you kept evolving, and it's making you feel disconnected from your work. It's also making the act of showing up feel like a chore, like sucking all the fun out of it. When social is meant to be a way to process our feelings and emotions, it's a form of expression. And if it doesn't feel like you're expressing anything, but rather meeting the needs of what the algorithm wants, like, are you really saying the kinds of things that you want to say? Do you even know what you want to say anymore? Years ago, we used to kind of joke that when we showed up online, whether it was sending an email or hosting a webinar or recording this podcast, that we had to be the superhero version of ourselves. And I remember this feeling of inauthenticity because often that version that I was showing up as had her hair done, had a red lip and bright clothes on, and she was trying to be warm and bubbly and overly extroverted. But I am so many more layers than that. And a lot of days I am so much more casual than the version of myself that I often present online. This personal brand that you're building, either in association with your business, like by proxy, or your Persona is your business. It is becoming a mask. You think it's going to bring some version of success. But you're hiding. So my background is in art and design, so I feel like the best way to describe it is in those confines. Okay, so on one end of the spectrum, there are these true artists that define their own style, that are willing to break the mold, are willing to keep showing up even when other people tell them what they're doing is wrong or that it's not even art at all. But then there's a lot of other people that have come after them that are successful because they are great at mimicking. It's almost like they're being a parrot, so to speak, where they're just doing the thing, the blueprint. They're following the exact footsteps of someone else. And I really want to believe that deep down all of those people are able and have the skills to be their own version one. That's like not cut, copy, paste. But I think usually when people get to this point or even come back to this point, because as you grow and evolve, you're going to come back to it again and again. It's not one time thing, but they think of it as the weight of being the face of their business, which I don't discount. There's obviously a lot that goes along with that, that you have to be all the things to all the people. And sometimes you just want help and you feel like the help either doesn't resonate or somehow doesn't work as well. But if your business was built on your personality, it's very hard to unravel your personal identity with what your business is putting out into the world. But I don't think the weight that you're feeling is because you're front and center. I really don't. I think the weight of what you're feeling is because you feel like you have to show up as someone who isn't you. It's exactly. It's exactly like going to a dinner party and feeling like you have to act like you're having a great time, even if you're exhausted and don't really want to be there. Like you're making face, literally. Right. And I get it. Sometimes, especially in a real life setting, you do have to fake it. I mean, society makes that a requirement. And I do think on the far other end of the spectrum, in some instances, if you're going through a lot, it does make sense to keep some of that retracted from your business because it can go the opposite direction where you're so real that people think you've lost it. I'VE seen some people have some very, very public breakdowns and it hurt their business. And do I think they'll recover from it? Yeah, like financially, yes. But there is a whole cloud of people that is now making judgments based on how they were at their worst. I think the reason why we do this is, like, rooted in positive things. Like, I don't think anyone's out here. Well, maybe some people, but the majority of you, especially if you're listening to this and worried about it, I know you're not doing this with this, like, idea that you're trying to dupe someone out of something, like that's not your goal. You're just trying to be who you think other people want you to be. You're looking for validation, and I think for good reason, because in your head it is very, very easy to think validation equals my worth is valuable to someone else. If they're willing to stop their day and validate my work, then I'm somehow doing my job. And honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be validated or wanting be praised. But when praise or approval becomes your primary motivator, you're going to start chasing applause and lose sight of alignment. For me, I know this shift started when peace became more important than praise. Praise is addictive. And there's like, scientific reasons for why validation feels good, right? You can actually see it. It is immeasurable. You can see it in likes, in downloads and dollars. Those are all forms of validation. It creates this feedback loop where you post, you get applause and you keep posting, you feel needed, relevant quote, unquote, on it. But it's not going to give you some critical things that you need to create sustainability in your business. Praise is not going to give you spaciousness. Praise isn't going to give you clarity, it's not going to give you rest, and it's not going to give you authentic joy in your work. I do think it can give you some satisfaction, some feelings that maybe feel joy adjacent, but not that true joy from you just doing it alone. You know what I mean? There's a big difference between doing something, feeling kind of, I don't know about it. And then when people like it, when people comment, when people participate, then you're like, yes, this is so fun. I love doing this, I need to do more of it. But peace is going to give you something that praise can't. Peace is choosing to not post, even if it means that your next few are going to get fewer views. It means working quietly on something meaningful without the Internet needing to know you're working on this next big thing and you're so excited about it and you're going to give them all the behind the scenes details. What would happen if you just got to have something that was for you for at least a while? It doesn't mean you can't put it out into the world later, but I think the world has convinced us we're supposed to share every single part of it. Peace Looks like creating because you're inspired, not because your content calendar says so. So what happens when you choose to step back? There are real consequences to showing up differently, but I promise you they are not as scary as you're making them out to be. The fear is real. Like when you stop performing, there is a voice that's going to whisper in your head, what if they forget about me? What if my business falls apart? What if I can't pay for xyz? We've all had those thoughts, but here is what actually happens. We have this initial fear of losing relevance, losing momentum, losing income, being forgotten. But what really happens is you find your voice again. You create with more clarity and less noise. You reconnect to your why. The people who matter, your real community, they stick around. Your business might slow down, but it's definitely not going to die overnight. You build trust by being real, not relentless. I've been putting a lot of time and attention recently into this concept of surrender. And whether you want to think of it as a religious practice or just letting go, I need you to understand. The reason it is so scary is when we think of letting go, we make it equal. Giving up. But what letting go is, is inviting other people in, other support, other inspiration, anything you might need, really. You have to have that space for that to come in. But if you're so distracted with what you feel like you have to be doing, you're not going to see all the opportunities that are sitting right around you. I've always run this business differently. Differently than the mass majority of online business educators. And it's not because I can't grow a huge business. I just have no desire to. There used to be this part of me that did years ago. I wanted the notoriety that came with that. But at what cost? I don't need to run an empire to feel good in my own body, in my own home, in my own life, with my own friends. And you know, your mind starts playing tricks on you saying, are you just saying you don't want that because you're fearful of the work that it would take to get there? Or are you saying you don't want it because you think you'll fail if you actually try to go after it? There is some unraveling that has to happen because mixed in the middle of the the who am I supposed to be to everyone else Is usually a lot of fear and shame and guilt and past experiences and relationships that have gone one way or the other that cloud our vision and they make it really hard to know what's okay for us right now. In this season, at least for me, what it looks like to not focus on the performance is prioritizing content that feels fun, not just strategic. I'm giving myself slower launches, way more time in between them and seasons of deep creation where I might not be as present to the outside world. I'm building behind the scenes without needing to prove it publicly. And I'm saying no to strategies that center everything around being everywhere all the time. I want you to realize that you can be visible without being performative. You can grow without burning out. You can be successful without being loud. I was recently reading a book by one of the recent guests on our show and she talked about in the book admitting to herself for the first time that she was actually lost, that she didn't know what to do next. And something about that just deeply, deeply resonated with me. It's not because I plan to close this business or walk away or not continue to engage with this audience. None of that. I definitely still want to be here and I still love teaching. I just think the how I do those things is what needs to change. And perhaps the reason I'm feeling like discontent around it is that I don't know what I want to do or commit to because there's so much I could do. I am very, very aware of the various strategies I could try. You know, just off the top of my head, gonna go AWOL and close my old Facebook group and start a brand new one and talk about Facebook groups being back. I could start posting multiple times a day on other platforms like LinkedIn or Threads. I could even start a substack and start sharing some of my thoughts and ideas there instead of my own personal blog. There's so many more. I'm not saying I'm going to do any of those things or that I even think they're all good ideas. I could invest in YouTube and spend way more time creating video content. There are so many things I could do, but what I really, really care about is not the how it's not the how. The how is unimportant. It is just a method to the madness, so to speak. What I care about is you. I want to see you get results. I want to see your business grow. I want to see you financially secure. I want to see you financially, financially thriving. How I help you do those things. Not super relevant. They're obviously relevant. And that I need to figure out what I want to do. And I don't always think it means changing everything. I think when we have this feeling, it's very easy to think I'm just gonna take it all away. Going to start over. New accounts, new process, new content, new, new, new. So many rules, so many commitments. What I'm talking about is worrying less about how. Like, what if the how fills itself in because you're following your intuition and you're doing what feels good? Wild. I know everyone's saying, post five days a week, make sure you have X number of reels and X number of carousels and cross post it to all these other platforms. And you can do that. I'm not saying that you shouldn't. You get to choose how you want to show up. But I'm just wondering if it's all necessary or if it's just building more noise. Because it's not that I'm unwilling to be loud. I love talking. I have an opinion about basically everything. But if I'm not making someone feel something, if I'm not making a deep and meaningful impact, if I'm just creating to have someone save it for later and they never actually implement, that is noise. It's static. I know it's a lot to gamble with, wrestle with, think about. I just want you to know that you are allowed to evolve. You're also allowed to be quieter. You're allowed to stop performing for an audience that might not even be paying attention. Because when peace becomes more important than praise, everything changes. And in the best way, I'm wondering, what would you stop doing if you weren't trying to be seen? Or if the being seen was irrelevant to the success of it? What could you create if you didn't need it to be perfect or popular? I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. And that's kind of the beauty of it. My sister sent me this I want to say article. It wasn't an article, it was a video. Talking about this disruptive designer, probably from the 60s. I'd have to go look. And her work is stunning, absolutely stunning. Super modern. You probably would think it's from right now. It was so ahead of its time. It was cutting edge. It was breaking news. But I didn't study her in school, but I have seen her work before. I didn't know who created it, but her work had an impact on industries for decades and decades after her. That's the ripple effect. Like I'm questioning if it's necessary for people to know it's even you that helped them. Because I really just want everybody to be good and be well and love their lives and have what they need to not just survive but thrive and be able to really live unapologetically. It's so, so so easy to get caught up in this narrative of for the sake of more because if we do more, we'll get more eyeballs which will give us more visibility, which will give us more hopefully leads which will be equal to more sales. And if you're having a sales problem, visibility is often at the root of it. I am not discounting that that can still be true. But I would venture to guess if you spent less time thinking about how can I make this shareable, how can I make this savable? And you focused more on producing the kind of content you want to consume or that you are excited about or that inspires you or you feel good, making it will likely outperform that other stuff. Anyway, I hope this feels like a breath of fresh air. I hope you feel some sense of relief. I hope you know you can still make a killer living without this constant need to be someone else or this polished version of you. I'd love if you would DM me. You can find my profile by going to Boss project on Instagram Abigail says is linked there. DM me. Tell me what performance are you ready to let go of? And if this episode resonated, I would love if you would share it with a friend who needs permission to take a deep breath. You got this. I can't wait to see what's next.