988: How to Know When Change Is Growth vs. Running Away

Summary

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Strategy Hour Podcast Episode 988

Title: How to Know When Change Is Growth vs. Running Away
Host: Abagail Pumphrey
Release Date: September 11, 2025

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Episode Overview

In episode 988, host Abagail Pumphrey explores the critical question: How do you know if change is a step toward growth or an act of running away? Drawing on her personal experiences as an entrepreneur—and insights from her therapist—Abagail offers listeners a framework for evaluating career and life decisions, with special emphasis on awareness, alignment, and conscious choice. Geared toward online business owners and creatives, this episode focuses on practical self-inquiry for navigating pivotal moments without regret, guilt, or unnecessary haste.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Facing a Fork in the Road ([02:20])

• Abagail shares a personal “fork in the road” in her business, describing a sense that change is needed, but uncertainty about what form that change should take.
• She challenges herself—and listeners—to discern whether this urge for change stems from healthy growth or from a desire to escape discomfort.

“Am I choosing this change because it’s the right next step? Or am I trying to escape something? Is this for growth or am I running away?”
— Abagail Pumphrey [03:24]

The Therapist’s Litmus Test ([04:28])

• Abagail consults her therapist to better understand the difference between positive change and escapism.
• Key criteria outlined:
  • Growth: Moving toward something that aligns with your values, vision, or long-term goals
  • Running Away: Moving away from discomfort, often without addressing underlying issues

“If something’s a positive change, we often find ourselves moving toward it…
But if we’re running away, we are typically moving away from discomfort without resolving whatever the underlying issue is.”
— Therapist’s advice, shared by Abagail [04:50]

Internal Signals: How to Tell the Difference ([06:31])

• Signs you may be running away:

  • A sense of urgency (“I just need out!”)
  • Repeated patterns of abandoning things when they get hard
  • Blaming external factors rather than reflecting on your own role
  • No clear vision of what you want, only clarity on what you don’t want

• Signs of Positive Growth:

  • The decision feels challenging but exciting and purposeful
  • Enthusiasm and new ideas around the opportunity
  • You’ve considered alternatives but feel drawn to this direction
  • The choice aligns with long-term values, even if it’s uncomfortable

“But the signals that it’s potentially a positive change is this choice feels challenging, but purposeful…You may have considered other alternatives, but you keep coming back to this thing and you keep finding yourself drawn in that direction…If you’re moving toward an opportunity and not just away from pain, this could be really good for you.”
— Abagail Pumphrey [08:25]

When Change Is Both Growth and Escape ([09:55])

• Some choices (leaving a toxic job, ending a relationship) involve both escaping and moving toward something better.
• The focus: “What do I want to create on the other side?” The process can be confusing and nuanced, and it’s normal to feel conflicted.

“…There are some decisions that involve both escape and growth… I don’t necessarily know if it still changes the outcome…that’s for each of us to decide. It’s specific to the situation.”
— Abagail Pumphrey [10:28]

Practical Questions for Self-Reflection ([11:30])

• Four guiding questions:
  1. Am I moving towards something, or only away from something?
  2. Does this change align with a bigger vision for my life or work?
  3. Will this decision help me grow, even if it's messy?
  4. Am I repeating an old pattern, or is this new territory?

Prioritizing Values and Time ([14:36])

• Identify core values and desired experiences—don’t just react to what’s presented.
• Sometimes options A and B aren’t right; deeper reflection can lead to new possibilities.

“Some people wait for life to happen to them, and some people pursue it. They’re writing their own story…We all know those people. And deep down we probably envy those people, because we see them making decisions that seem so them and yet it seems so effortless.”
— Abagail Pumphrey [15:34]

Embracing Uncertainty and the "Next Right Step" ([16:34])

• It's okay not to have the entire path figured out; clarity often comes after taking action.
• Change can be incremental—sometimes mixing elements of old and new, rather than taking a dramatic leap.

“…You just have to believe that this step is the one you’re supposed to take next, and do that, and follow where it takes you.”
— Abagail Pumphrey [17:45]

It's Okay to "Escape" ([18:15])

• Leaving a situation for self-preservation can be the right choice. Escaping isn’t always negative.
• The point is not to judge your choices but to be deeply aware of why you’re making them.

“Escape is not automatically a negative thing. …We're not here to judge the end goal. We're just trying to understand. This isn't about predetermining the direction…The goal is just to become conscious of why you're choosing something so that you don't repeat cycles…”
— Abagail Pumphrey [18:55]

Awareness and Self-Compassion ([19:45])

• The intention and awareness behind a decision are more important than labeling it as “good” or “bad.”
• Building a deeper relationship with oneself—treating oneself as kindly as a friend or loved one—can enhance self-trust and decision-making.

“Are you saying nice things to yourself? Are you being kind to who you are and what you’ve been through? Or are you beating yourself up about it? I know I am my worst critic. …I know I’m not the only person in the room that feels that way.”
— Abagail Pumphrey [22:15]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On recognizing growth vs. escape:
  “If something’s a positive change, we often find ourselves moving toward it...But if we’re running away, we are typically moving away from discomfort without resolving whatever the underlying issue is.” — Therapist’s advice via Abagail [04:50]

• On living with intentionality:
  “Some people wait for life to happen to them, and some people pursue it. They're writing their own story …We all know those people. …We see them making decisions that seem so them and yet it seems so effortless.” — Abagail Pumphrey [15:34]

• On embracing ambiguity and next steps:
  “You don’t have to know every step you’re going to take. …Just believe this step is the one you’re supposed to take next and do that.” — Abagail Pumphrey [17:45]

• On self-compassion:
  “Are you saying nice things to yourself? …I would be hard pressed to find someone on the Internet that talks about me worse than me.” — Abagail Pumphrey [22:15]

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Practical Self-Inquiry Filters ([11:30], [14:36])

• Am I moving toward something, or only away from something?
• Does this align with my long-term vision?
• Is this a recurring pattern, or new?
• What do I truly value and want more of?
• What do I not want, and what is the opposite of that?
• Can I tolerate the discomfort of uncertainty and proceed incrementally?

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Conclusion: Key Takeaways

• Change, growth, and escape are often intertwined, and it’s important to approach big decisions with awareness and intentionality.
• There is no universal “right” path—self-compassion, awareness, and alignment with your personal values are vital.
• Taking time to slow down, question motives, and avoid rushing into decisions can turn uncertainty into opportunity.
• Most choices are reversible—and even if not, every pivot offers learning.

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Listeners are encouraged to slow down, reflect, and share the episode with someone who might benefit from these insights.

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For more resources and show notes:
Visit bossproject.com/podcast

Transcript

[Abigail Pumphrey]

If something's a positive change, we often find ourselves moving toward it. We're moving towards something that aligns more with our values, our vision, or our long term goals. We're focused on whatever the new thing is. But if we're running away, we are typically moving away from discomfort without resolving whatever the underlying issue is. Foreign.

Welcome to the Strategy Hour podcast brought to you by Boss Project. I'm your host Abigail Pumphrey and I'm dedicated to supporting online businesses. I don't believe in one right way to build a business. I'm here to help you build business your way. One that supports not only the life you have, but the life you want. I'm on a personal mission to help you become financially free. I'm taking all the lessons learned as I turned a layoff into a seven figure online business. I'm here to help you prioritize your life every step of the way, whether you're creating your first digital product, growing an email list, or scaling an already profitable business. Settle in. It's time to talk strategy.

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This one is going to hurt more than tax season. I'm at a bit of a fork in the road. I have a lot on my plate at the moment. That really brings up a lot of questions about where this business is going and the kind of products I want to sell and how I want to show up online and what Do I want my daily life to look like? And obviously I could keep going as per usual. I have been doing this for 10 years. I know quite well how to keep showing up and how to keep selling and how to keep things going the way they've always been. And yet there has been this inkling inside of me that something is supposed to change. I haven't necessarily known what, which has been a challenge of its own, but I have known that things were moving, moving in a new direction. Now I'm still trying to figure out what that is. And that's not what today's episode is about, but rather a question that came up for me during my own discovery process. Because as I've been considering my options and opportunities and directions I could go and things I could change and levers I could pull, I started to wonder, am I choosing this change because it's the right next step? Or am I trying to escape something? Is this for growth or am I running away? And instead of trying to figure this out on my own, I decided to pose that very question to my therapist. I talked about some of the things that I could do or was considering, and I wanted her take on how am I approaching this? Because the last thing I want to do, run away. Like, I have no interest in not facing something because I'm fearful or hesitant for the wrong reasons. I think being fearful or hesitant is a reason to obviously examine the direction you're going. But if you're running away from it just because it scares you, that's not always the right decision for you. And so I asked her that question and the advice she gave me was incredibly helpful and really gave me some peace of mind. So I wanted to pass it along to you because I imagine you at some point are going to have a fork in the road, whether that's about your business or your life or some small decision that pops up. You are going to have choices and you are going to have things you can move towards or away from. And you may be left wondering, which of those things am I doing? Am I doing this because this is where I'm supposed to go, or am I doing this because I feel like I have to? Am I doing this because I don't want to do the other thing right? And so I asked her how to know the difference. And she said, if something's a positive change, we often find ourselves moving toward it. We're moving towards something that aligns more with our values, our vision, or our long term goals. We're focused on whatever the new Thing is, but if we're running away, we are typically moving away from discomfort without resolving whatever the underlying issue is. We are seeing it as an opportunity to get away, to move outside. And while that can look the same on the outside.

On the inside it.

Can feel very different internally. And so some signals that you might be running away include things like urgency, like, I just need out, I need to do this now. I have to make a decision today. I'm just ready, I need to do this. It's very guttural, right? You may have a pattern of jumping ship whenever things get hard, and I'm not here to judge that, but I just want you to be aware. Is that something that you consistently do? Do you find yourself blaming external circumstances instead of reflecting on your own role in whatever it is that we're talking about? Do you really have no clear vision of what you're moving toward, but you're just super clear on what you're moving away from? That might mean you're running away, but the signals that it's potentially a positive change is this choice feels challenging, but purposeful. You're excited, you have ideas, you want to explore it, you want to feel immersed in it. You're excited to learn new things and try new strategies and put yourself out there in a new way. You may have considered other alternatives, but you keep coming back to this thing and you keep finding yourself drawn in that direction and you can't quite explain it. Maybe there's some part of you that knows that this is truly aligned with your long term values, even if it's uncomfortable, even if it means giving up something that you previously really cherished and loved and enjoyed and wanted to do. If you're moving toward an opportunity and not just away from pain, this could be really good for you. This could be a super positive change. But I want to acknowledge that sometimes it is both. And when it's both, I do think it can leave us in this conflicting kind of state where we're not sure quite how to feel about it. Because there are some decisions that involve both escape and growth, like leaving a toxic job or ending abusive relationship, or even just ending a regular relationship. The question becomes, what do I want to create on the other side? And I will say, even if it's both, I don't necessarily know if it still changes the outcome. Like, is it still pushing you to change? Does that positivity outweigh the bad? I don't know. I think that's for each of us to decide. And it's specific to the situation that you're in now. I know for me, when I was thinking about this, I didn't know because I found myself wrestling with it. I found myself even pushing away or pushing down the thing that I felt was positive or I felt could bring new life to something I'm passionate about. Which is interesting. When positive change comes our direction and we fight against it. I do think sometimes we start to see that as running away. But now you're running away from the positive thing you haven't even done yet, which can get very confusing. But I think you're following me. I'm not here to tell you what you need to do. I'm not here to say one decision is right or wrong. I am grown up enough and have made enough decisions and made enough pivots and had enough relationships to know that so many of these decisions are nuanced. Parts of it may feel great and parts of it may feel murky or hard or confusing. It's not all straightforward. It's not quite as easy as black or white, or you wouldn't even be listening to the show. You wouldn't even be wrestling with this question. So I just want you to slow down. We don't have to decide right now. We don't have to decide tomorrow. We don't necessarily have to decide next week. Now granted, I don't know the decision you're wrestling with, but I'm guessing if you have long enough to ponder on if this is a good thing or a bad thing, you probably have more time than you're giving yourself credit for. So ask yourself some questions. Am I moving towards something or only away from something? Does this change align with a bigger vision for my life or for my work? Will this decision help me grow even if it's messy? Am I repeating an old pattern or is this totally brand new territory?

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[Abigail Pumphrey]

Now I like to kind of move it through a filter, right? To really pause and check because there's plenty of things that sound exciting and even great on paper. But I want you to think first and foremost about what you value, what's important to you, regardless of the decision we're currently facing. What's important to you? What do you want to see more of in the world? What do you want to prioritize? And beyond those values, how do you want to be spending your time? How are you prioritizing that time? Where do you want to see that going? Even if it's different than how you're currently spending it? If you could spend it a different way, what would that look like? What would you be doing? Have you got clear on what you actually want? I can't even begin to wrap my head around how many times I've weighed choice A and choice B only to realize that I didn't want either of them, that I was just simply comparing them because they were the two things that had been put in front of me. But that's the difference between some people. Some people wait for life to happen to them, and some people Pursue it. They're writing their own story. They are moving in the direction that they want to go. They are walking to the beat of their own drum. We all know those people. We all know those people. And deep down we probably envy those people because we see them making decisions that seem so them and yet it seems so effortless.

And I doubt it was.

I bet they had doubts and sacrifices that they made and other things that came up for them that they didn't expect. But the difference is they moved towards it. They intentionally made steps. They went in a direction. Do you know what direction you want to go? I think if you don't know what you want, the easiest thing to do is to define what you don't want. What do you not want to do? How do you not want to show up? What do you not want to sell? What do you. What do you not want to do with your time? And then check the antithesis. If you don't want to spend it this way, what's the alternative? Do you want to do that thing or does it feel like it's the only way to do that thing? You might have to reconsider other options, things you maybe haven't even considered at all. I do think you have to spend some time reimagining, envisioning new possibilities, not just an exit strategy. But with that being said, like, sometimes leaving or letting go is still positive. Like you are still moving towards something, even though you're moving away from something. And you just may not have full clarity on what that looks like. All you have to know is that it's the right next step. You don't have to know every step you're going to take. You don't have to know the end destination. You don't have to know if it's even right or wrong. You just have to believe that this step is the one you're supposed to take next and do that and follow where it takes you. It's really easy to want to panic and to want to overanalyze the situation and, and make a decision right now because it feels so urgent. But if you were to slow down, how would you make that decision? From alignment, from clarity. Now, with that being said, clarity does not always come before action. Sometimes you have to dip your toe in. And I think so often we think I'm either doing X or Y. And we put this like all or nothing mentality around it. Like if I make this decision and go this direction, then none of this other stuff can be true. Likely there's some scenario in which you're doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that and a little bit of this. Maybe it is different from what you're doing now, but it is not a major left turn. You're just adding a sprinkling of this in right. And the other stuff is still there, but maybe not as loud or not as often or, you know, different. The way you get there is different, but similar. All of this to say, you can get clear that this is growth or running away or escape, but sometimes the decision is still right to run away. I don't want you to judge yourself for the ultimate decision you're making. I am not here to say that just because one is for positive growth in mind and one is escaping that sometimes escaping isn't necessary. I'm not going to be the woman who sits here and and says, well, sounds like you're running away from that husband of yours, but he's not treating you right. If he's not treating you right and you're unsafe in your own home, by all means, escape. Escape is not automatically a negative thing. It can still be the right decision. We're not here to judge the end goal. We're just trying to understand this isn't about predetermining the direction. Like, if it's good then go this way, and if it's bad, then you must stay in whatever set of circumstances you're in. No, the goal is just to become conscious of why you're choosing something so that you don't repeat cycles that you have no interest in repeating. This is to bring awareness to how you're moving forward. It's not a good or a bad thing, it's just a choice. Choices will always just be choices. And very few choices in life are permanent decisions. There's definitely exceptions to the rule, but most of the things we're talking about here can be reverted back or changed back. Change isn't good or bad. It's just the intention behind it that determines whether this is going to become a growth opportunity or an escape route. I think awareness is potentially the single biggest opportunity for us to have a deeper relationship with ourselves. It's often the relationship that we're ignoring anyway. We can say, oh, I love myself or oh, I think I'm pretty, but are you treating yourself with that respect? I heard something the other day and it's semi unrelated to what we're talking about, but worth mentioning. This person was talking about being in a relationship. And if you had a relationship with a friend or a romantic partner? How would you treat that relationship? How would you communicate in that relationship? How would you surprise and delight that person? How would you date them? You know, even if it's a friend date or a date date, and then knowing all that information, are you dating yourself? Are you saying nice things to yourself? Are you being kind to who you are and what you've been through? Or are you beating yourself up about it? I know I am my worst critic. I would be hard pressed to find someone on the Internet that talks about me worse than me. And I know I'm not the only person in the room that feels that way. So you don't have to have all of the decisions made right now in this second. But I hope this gave you some tools to really slow down and think about what makes the most sense for you and what your next move is and how you're going to step forward. I'm here for you and I cannot wait to see all of this, all the things you evolve into. If this episode did something for you or made a difference, it would mean so much to me if you slowed down and shared it with a friend. I get to keep doing what I'm doing and keep producing this show when this message spreads. So I need your help. I can't do it alone. I appreciate you and I hope you have a great rest of your day.

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[Abigail Pumphrey]

Hey, a few quick favors before you leave. I'd love if you'd share today's episode, send it to a friend who needs to hear it and post on social. You can show us where you're listening from, your favorite takeaway, or why someone else should listen. Be sure to tag me, Abigail says and ossproject so we can share it.

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