Strategy Hour Podcast Episode 988
Title: How to Know When Change Is Growth vs. Running Away
Host: Abagail Pumphrey
Release Date: September 11, 2025
Episode Overview
In episode 988, host Abagail Pumphrey explores the critical question: How do you know if change is a step toward growth or an act of running away? Drawing on her personal experiences as an entrepreneur—and insights from her therapist—Abagail offers listeners a framework for evaluating career and life decisions, with special emphasis on awareness, alignment, and conscious choice. Geared toward online business owners and creatives, this episode focuses on practical self-inquiry for navigating pivotal moments without regret, guilt, or unnecessary haste.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Facing a Fork in the Road ([02:20])
- Abagail shares a personal “fork in the road” in her business, describing a sense that change is needed, but uncertainty about what form that change should take.
- She challenges herself—and listeners—to discern whether this urge for change stems from healthy growth or from a desire to escape discomfort.
“Am I choosing this change because it’s the right next step? Or am I trying to escape something? Is this for growth or am I running away?”
— Abagail Pumphrey [03:24]
The Therapist’s Litmus Test ([04:28])
- Abagail consults her therapist to better understand the difference between positive change and escapism.
- Key criteria outlined:
- Growth: Moving toward something that aligns with your values, vision, or long-term goals
- Running Away: Moving away from discomfort, often without addressing underlying issues
“If something’s a positive change, we often find ourselves moving toward it…
But if we’re running away, we are typically moving away from discomfort without resolving whatever the underlying issue is.”
— Therapist’s advice, shared by Abagail [04:50]
Internal Signals: How to Tell the Difference ([06:31])
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Signs you may be running away:
- A sense of urgency (“I just need out!”)
- Repeated patterns of abandoning things when they get hard
- Blaming external factors rather than reflecting on your own role
- No clear vision of what you want, only clarity on what you don’t want
-
Signs of Positive Growth:
- The decision feels challenging but exciting and purposeful
- Enthusiasm and new ideas around the opportunity
- You’ve considered alternatives but feel drawn to this direction
- The choice aligns with long-term values, even if it’s uncomfortable
“But the signals that it’s potentially a positive change is this choice feels challenging, but purposeful…You may have considered other alternatives, but you keep coming back to this thing and you keep finding yourself drawn in that direction…If you’re moving toward an opportunity and not just away from pain, this could be really good for you.”
— Abagail Pumphrey [08:25]
When Change Is Both Growth and Escape ([09:55])
- Some choices (leaving a toxic job, ending a relationship) involve both escaping and moving toward something better.
- The focus: “What do I want to create on the other side?” The process can be confusing and nuanced, and it’s normal to feel conflicted.
“…There are some decisions that involve both escape and growth… I don’t necessarily know if it still changes the outcome…that’s for each of us to decide. It’s specific to the situation.”
— Abagail Pumphrey [10:28]
Practical Questions for Self-Reflection ([11:30])
- Four guiding questions:
- Am I moving towards something, or only away from something?
- Does this change align with a bigger vision for my life or work?
- Will this decision help me grow, even if it's messy?
- Am I repeating an old pattern, or is this new territory?
Prioritizing Values and Time ([14:36])
- Identify core values and desired experiences—don’t just react to what’s presented.
- Sometimes options A and B aren’t right; deeper reflection can lead to new possibilities.
“Some people wait for life to happen to them, and some people pursue it. They’re writing their own story…We all know those people. And deep down we probably envy those people, because we see them making decisions that seem so them and yet it seems so effortless.”
— Abagail Pumphrey [15:34]
Embracing Uncertainty and the "Next Right Step" ([16:34])
- It's okay not to have the entire path figured out; clarity often comes after taking action.
- Change can be incremental—sometimes mixing elements of old and new, rather than taking a dramatic leap.
“…You just have to believe that this step is the one you’re supposed to take next, and do that, and follow where it takes you.”
— Abagail Pumphrey [17:45]
It's Okay to "Escape" ([18:15])
- Leaving a situation for self-preservation can be the right choice. Escaping isn’t always negative.
- The point is not to judge your choices but to be deeply aware of why you’re making them.
“Escape is not automatically a negative thing. …We're not here to judge the end goal. We're just trying to understand. This isn't about predetermining the direction…The goal is just to become conscious of why you're choosing something so that you don't repeat cycles…”
— Abagail Pumphrey [18:55]
Awareness and Self-Compassion ([19:45])
- The intention and awareness behind a decision are more important than labeling it as “good” or “bad.”
- Building a deeper relationship with oneself—treating oneself as kindly as a friend or loved one—can enhance self-trust and decision-making.
“Are you saying nice things to yourself? Are you being kind to who you are and what you’ve been through? Or are you beating yourself up about it? I know I am my worst critic. …I know I’m not the only person in the room that feels that way.”
— Abagail Pumphrey [22:15]
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On recognizing growth vs. escape:
“If something’s a positive change, we often find ourselves moving toward it...But if we’re running away, we are typically moving away from discomfort without resolving whatever the underlying issue is.” — Therapist’s advice via Abagail [04:50] -
On living with intentionality:
“Some people wait for life to happen to them, and some people pursue it. They're writing their own story …We all know those people. …We see them making decisions that seem so them and yet it seems so effortless.” — Abagail Pumphrey [15:34] -
On embracing ambiguity and next steps:
“You don’t have to know every step you’re going to take. …Just believe this step is the one you’re supposed to take next and do that.” — Abagail Pumphrey [17:45] -
On self-compassion:
“Are you saying nice things to yourself? …I would be hard pressed to find someone on the Internet that talks about me worse than me.” — Abagail Pumphrey [22:15]
Practical Self-Inquiry Filters ([11:30], [14:36])
- Am I moving toward something, or only away from something?
- Does this align with my long-term vision?
- Is this a recurring pattern, or new?
- What do I truly value and want more of?
- What do I not want, and what is the opposite of that?
- Can I tolerate the discomfort of uncertainty and proceed incrementally?
Conclusion: Key Takeaways
- Change, growth, and escape are often intertwined, and it’s important to approach big decisions with awareness and intentionality.
- There is no universal “right” path—self-compassion, awareness, and alignment with your personal values are vital.
- Taking time to slow down, question motives, and avoid rushing into decisions can turn uncertainty into opportunity.
- Most choices are reversible—and even if not, every pivot offers learning.
Listeners are encouraged to slow down, reflect, and share the episode with someone who might benefit from these insights.
For more resources and show notes:
Visit bossproject.com/podcast