993: Breaking Free From Your Addiction to Cortisol

Summary

Strategy Hour Podcast, Episode 993: Breaking Free From Your Addiction to Cortisol

Host: Abagail Pumphrey, Business Strategist & CEO of Boss Project
Date: October 7, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this solo episode, Abagail Pumphrey explores the modern epidemic of “cortisol addiction”—the physiological and psychological dependence on stress. She dissects how our culture glamorizes busyness, reveals the health risks involved, and shares practical steps for entrepreneurs to reclaim calm without sacrificing ambition. With her characteristic warmth and candor, Abagail draws from research, expert opinions, and her personal journey to encourage listeners to break free from the toxic cycle of constant stress.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding Cortisol Addiction (02:03 – 06:17)

• Stress as a Modern Badge of Honor:
  • Modern society equates busyness with success. Abagail cites Harvard-trained psychologist Debbie Sorensen on how “our productivity obsessed culture has made being stressed a badge of honor. Busyness has become equated with success, and the absence of stress becomes stressful in and of itself.” [03:02 – 06:11]
• How Cortisol Hooks Us:
  • Short bursts of cortisol, the primary stress hormone, help us focus and prepare for action.
  • Over time, chronic stress creates a compulsive pattern due to the interaction of cortisol and dopamine, the brain’s reward chemical.
  • Reference to Dr. Anna Lemke’s Dopamine Nation: “Irregular dopamine levels can lead to us becoming desensitized ... we need more stimulation to feel that same effect.” [03:33 – 04:53]

2. The High Cost of Chronic Stress (04:53 – 06:17)

• Health Risks:
  • Chronic stress is linked to anxiety, sleep issues, heart problems, weight gain, and memory loss (per Mayo Clinic and American Psychological Association).
  • Startling statistics: “Nearly 59% of CEOs and executives face high cardiac risk. More than 35% ... already have high blood pressure, myself included.” [04:53 – 06:11]
• It’s Not Just You—It’s Cultural:
  • The glorification of hustle culture is systemic, not just an individual failing.

3. Recognizing the Signs of Cortisol Dependence (06:17 – 08:40)

• Are You a Stress Junkie?

  • Key warning signs from Dr. Sorensen:
    • Avoiding rest and relaxation
    • Constantly checking your phone
    • Saying yes to everything
  • Additional signs:
    • Craving busyness, overcommitting
    • Feeling guilty for rest
    • Self-sabotaging with last-minute pressure (“I work better under pressure”)
    • Trouble sleeping, irritability, inability to slow down
  • “If any of these are resonating, then you might be caught in a stress cycle.” [07:11 – 08:40]

• Reflection Questions:

  • “Do I feel uneasy when life feels too calm? ... Does rest make me feel lazy or restless? Do I thrive in chaos even when it’s exhausting me?” [08:15]

4. Cultural Programming and Psychology (08:41 – 10:51)

• It’s Not (All) Your Fault:
  • “So much of what’s happening ... programmers are even setting up your phone for mass consumption. It is in many ways happening to us.”
• How Stress Becomes Addictive:
  • “Our chronically stressed out brain becomes dependent on these small euphoric hits.” – Integrative neuroscientist Heidi Hanna (quoted) [09:43]
  • The key: gently teach your nervous system that it’s safe to rest.

5. Breaking the Cycle: Practical Steps (10:52 – 16:45)

• Give Yourself Permission for Rest:
  • “You don’t have to earn your rest by completing something.”
• Interrupt the Cortisol Loop:
  • “Try to give yourself even five minutes of stillness ... to relax in between tasks.” [11:32]
• Calm Your Nervous System:
  • Breathing exercises: “Have you ever done box breathing? ... Inhale for four, exhale for four ... think about it as a side of the box.”
  • Gentle stretching, walks in nature, screen-free time—small moments of calm matter.
• Set Boundaries:
  • “Creating breathing room even by declining one meeting ... is a powerful way to retrain your stress response.” [11:32]

Memorable Personal Example (13:56 – 15:10)

• Abagail describes saying no to a seemingly small but emotionally demanding request because she recognized the energy cost:
  • “I was able to kind of assess the situation and realize this, yes, is going to take up more energy than it is time.” [13:56 – 14:30]

Reducing Screen Time & Digital Detox (15:10 – 16:45)

• Admits to feeling “mortified, embarrassed” about her own screen time (“wouldn’t want to post that number on the internet”), reframes digital breaks as necessary for well-being.
• Substitutes activities: audiobooks + walks, crafts like needlepoint, reading physical books before bed.

6. Supporting Sleep & Physical Needs (16:45 – 19:20)

• Build a Consistent Wind-Down Routine:
  • Not just five minutes before bed, but create a longer on-ramp to sleep.
• Nourish Your Body:
  • Eat regular meals, hydrate, moderate caffeine.
  • Shares personal journey with giving up caffeine:
    • “Instead I will occasionally have a warm cup of tea or a diet coke ... but I’m not constantly caffeinated.” [18:55]

7. More Concrete Tools: Therapy & Mental Habits (19:21 – 22:00)

• Therapy Modalities:

  • Recommends CBT and DBT to rewire automatic, stress-driven thoughts and reactions.
  • Shares impact of her husband’s experience with CBT:
    • “The techniques and tools he’s brought home have been really life changing for him. But even for me, you know, even in him just teaching me what he was taught has been a really incredible tool to recognize when I’m part of the problem.” [21:25]

• Gradual Change is Key:

  • “Doing it all at once is overwhelming ... and the whole point is to have a more calm life that allows you to remove some of that.” [22:40]

8. The Payoff: Becoming Yourself Again (22:01 – 27:30)

• Personal Results:
  • “In slowly undoing it, I have a better relationship with myself, a better relationship with my spouse, a better relationship with food, with my phone … I’m more myself than I think I’ve been in over a decade.” [25:40]
• Invite to Listeners:
  • Encourages self-observation, one small step at a time:
    • “Even just observe over the last 12 to 24 hours: what did you do? What things made you feel more stressed or less stressed … adjust something tomorrow or next week or next month.” [27:15]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Restlessness as a Red Flag:
  • “You’re in deep when rest feels more dangerous than your to do list.” [02:03]
• On Stress in Modern Culture:
  • “The absence of stress becomes stressful in and of itself.” [00:13 & 06:11]
• On Saying No:
  • “This yes is going to take up more energy than it is time.” [14:30]
• On The Cost of Change:
  • “It’s not easy or fast or permanent. It’s something you have to keep working on. But I think it might be the most important thing you ever do for yourself.” [26:45]
• On Coming Home to Yourself:
  • “I am far less attracted to the busyness of the online world ... I’m more myself than I think I’ve been in over a decade.” [25:40]

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Episode Flow & Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------|---------------| | Introduction: Culture of Stress | 00:00 – 02:03 | | Defining Cortisol Addiction | 02:03 – 04:53 | | Health Risk Stats & Societal Impact | 04:53 – 06:17 | | Signs of Cortisol Dependence | 06:17 – 08:40 | | Reflection and Cultural Pressures | 08:41 – 10:51 | | Practical Steps to Break the Cycle | 10:52 – 16:45 | | Personal Examples & Boundaries | 13:56 – 15:10 | | Screen Time & Sleep Routines | 15:10 – 19:20 | | Supporting Health: Food & Therapy | 19:21 – 22:00 | | Living the Change | 22:01 – 27:30 | | Final Encouragement & Wrap-up | 27:31 – end |

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Conclusion

This episode is both a reality check and a compassionate roadmap for business owners and creators who feel stuck on the stress treadmill. Abagail offers up research-backed context, her own relatable anecdotes, and a gentle yet actionable path toward recovery—one rooted in self-awareness, boundaries, and small, sustainable changes. Her honesty and warmth remind listeners that reclaiming calm isn’t just possible, it’s essential.

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For more resources and show notes, visit: bossproject.com/podcast

Transcript

[Abigail Pumphrey]

As Harvard trained psychologist Debbie Sorensen points.

Out, our productivity obsessed culture has made.

Being stressed a badge of honor. Busyness has become equated with success and.

The absence of stress becomes stressful in and of itself. Welcome to the Strategy Hour podcast brought to you by Boss Project. I'm your host Abigail Pumphrey and I'm dedicated to supporting online businesses. I don't believe in one right way to build a business. I'm here to help you build business your way. One that supports not only the life you have, but the life you want. I'm on a personal mission to help you become financially free. I'm taking all the lessons learned as I turned a layoff into a seven figure online business. I'm here to help you prioritize your life every step of the way. Whether you're creating your first digital product, growing an email list, or scaling an already profitable business.

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It's time to talk strategy.

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[Abigail Pumphrey]

Deep when rest feels more dangerous than your to do list, and when sitting on the couch for even 10 minutes.

Has you twitching like you left the.

Oven on, that's your nervous system running the show. If you've ever bragged about how little.

Sleep you got, or double booked yourself on purpose or said yes to something.

You didn't want to do just to feel, quote, needed. Congrats. You might be a stress junkie.

The good news is you're not alone. The bad news, however, is your body.

Is paying the price. And today we're going to unpack why you might be addicted to stress hormones and why you can't seem to quit now while cortisol addiction isn't a formal diagnosis, it is a clinically observed pattern. Essentially, people are becoming physiologically and psychologically dependent on the internal stimulation triggered by cortisol, the body's primary stress hormone. But here's how it works. When we're exposed to stress, our adrenal glands are pumping out cortisol to heighten alertness, to sharpen our focus and prepare our bodies for action. It is triggering a part of our fight flight, freeze or fawn response, which is a survival mechanism, something we absolutely have needed historically to continue to live on this planet. But over time, those stress related behaviors can become compulsive. Research is already showing a link between cortisol and dopamine, the brain's reward chemical. Together, they're creating a cycle of reward seeking that reinforces stress behaviors. As Dr. Anna Lemke points out in her book Dopamine Nation, irregular dopamine levels can lead to us becoming desensitized, meaning we need more stimulation to feel that same effect. So while cortisol addiction might not appear in diagnostic manuals, the symptoms and consequences are very real. But I cannot stress enough that this is a very real problem. Cortisol in short bursts can be helpful because it's going to keep us sharp for that meeting or help us react quickly in a crisis. But when stress becomes constant, our body keeps producing cortisol when there is no real danger, and the long term effects on our health are incredibly serious.

According to Mayo Clinic, chronic stress is.

Linked to anxiety, sleep problems, heart issues, weight gain and memory problems. And the American Psychological association notes that ongoing stress literally changes how our brain functions, making it harder to focus, regulate emotions, and recover from setbacks. But the numbers don't lie. In a study that's focused specifically on CEOs, nearly 59% of CEOs and executives face high cardiac risk. More than 35% of them are already living with high blood pressure, myself included. And chronic stress doubles the risk of heart disease. And with nearly three quarters of executives already living sedentary lives, that is only compounding this problem further. But this isn't just my problem. It's not just your problem. It is a cultural issue. As Harvard trained psychologist Debbie Sorensen points out, our productivity obsessed culture has made being stressed a badge of honor. Busyness has become equated with success, and.

The absence of stress becomes stressful in and of itself.

I'm going to guess if you press play on this podcast, you already have a pretty good idea if this is something that's happening to you. But if you're questioning Is this really something I'm going through? Am I part of the problem? I just want you to listen to some signs that you might be addicted to cortisol. The first three come directly from Sorenson, that Harvard trained psychologist. She says, are you avoiding rest and relaxation? Are you constantly checking your phone? Are you saying yes to everything? I don't know about you, but I feel like those three things alone are representative of pretty much every creator I've ever met on the Internet. But I think there's a little bit more to it than that. Obviously it can be that simple, but I think there's some other common warning signs. One being really obvious that you're craving busyness and constantly over committing yourself. But that feeling guilty for rest, as if you always need to earn your downtime. Oof. Like that goes back to childhood for me, you might be self sabotaging by seeking out stress, like leaving things until the last minute or adding unnecessary pressure, saying I work better under pressure or I work better on a deadline. This feels like a dead giveaway to me. But if you're having trouble sleeping, you're irritable and you're in that constant feeling of tired but wired and you can't seem to calm down or you have difficulty slowing down even when you really do have the chance to get away or relax or take some time off. But here's some reflection questions to ask yourself. Do I feel uneasy when life feels too calm? Do I keep saying yes even when I'm overwhelmed? Does rest make me feel lazy or restless? Do I thrive in chaos even when it's exhausting me? If any of these are resonating, then you might be caught in a stress cycle. But I don't want you blaming yourself like so much of what's happening in our world and in society and in how programmers are even setting up your phone for mass consumption. It is in many ways happening to us, but we do have the ability to break free of the cycle. But I need you to really grapple with why. Because stress can cause this natural high by activating arousal and attention centers in our nervous system, which if prolonged, can be as addictive as drugs. Heidi Hanna and integrative neuroscientists stated, in other words, our chronically stressed out brain becomes dependent on these small euphoric hits. If you've been living in this high alert mode for a while, slowing down might not feel natural. The key to recovery is gently showing your nervous system that it is safe to rest. Now here are some small steps that you can take to Start breaking the cycle. Start by giving yourself permission, reminding yourself that you don't have to earn your rest by completing something. While it might be tempting to keep going, try to give yourself even five minutes of stillness to relax. Relax in between task. This can interrupt the cortisol loop and reset your baseline. You can focus on calming your nervous system practices like breathing exercises. I'm not sure if you've ever done the box breathing, but you can essentially do a Inhale for four, exhale for four, inhale for four, exhale for 4 and think about every breath like it's a side of the box. You can gently stretch like when is the last time you just laid on the floor and you know went through all the exercises you would do to stretch before PE or track way back in high school. Or you can go on a walk in nature like putting ourselves in an environment without the hustle and the bustle and the buzzing and the dings and the notifications and the cars and the alarms and all of that is absolutely going to help. I'm not asking you to become a full on Elizabeth Gilbert and eat, pray, love yourself to full on daily meditation. We just need to take small moments of calm throughout your day and make that normal. You can protect your energy with clear boundaries. When you're addicted to being on Saying no can feel threatening, but creating breathing room even by declining one meeting or a task is a powerful way to retrain your stress response.

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[Abigail Pumphrey]

I'll give you an example. I volunteered myself to help get volunteers for a large event at the church I attend. And we're talking lots of volunteers for a very large event. And I said yes to that and I'm okay with that. I had nine or ten months of lead up, so I feel good about that. But the same person who had asked me to be a part of that asked me to do something really small. I had been at an event the week before and they said, hey, would you mind following up with so and so person? I know they could use a call that's supportive and helpful and like you could be a safe person for them. And I probably would have said yes in every other circumstance because it's not a big deal. It's like one phone call. How big a deal is that really? But I knew the person that needed this phone call had been in an incredibly stressful environment for an incredibly long period of time. So even a 10 or 15 minute phone call with this person where I'm trying to be that calming sense of energy I knew would drain me. Now what I love about the friend who asked me for help is she gave me an immediate out. She's like, I know you have a lot on your plate so if you don't have time, no worries. And so I didn't feel bad declining, but I was preemptive to it. I realize this is a small thing and technically it's smaller than this other thing I said yes to. So why wouldn't I say no, but I was able to kind of assess the situation and realize this, yes, is going to take up more energy than it is time. The next one I think many of us are aware of but hesitant to actually follow through on. And that's reduction in screen time. I think we all know that phones and emails and constant notifications are keeping us on high alert. But even a short digital detox like switching off your device an hour before bed can help lower cortisol production. I know for me this has been a process. When I looked at my screen time, I was mortified, embarrassed, wouldn't want to post that number on the Internet. And I knew something had to change and I had a lot of excuses and I'm sure you do too. Where I have to be on my phone for work, that's part of my job. Connecting and being on social media is my role in many ways, but I was also using it as a way to numb out and completely ignore the world I'm in. Which is fine to an extent. I think we're all allowed that period of disassociation or craving for entertainment. But I do think there's ways to still occupy our minds but without it being so destructive. I know for me, a couple things that have really helped is listening to audiobooks. So. But I can't necessarily do it all on its own. Like if I were just forced to sit there and listen, I would go crazy. So instead I'm either combining that with a walk and putting myself in nature. And the audiobook helps me go further, but being outside makes me calmer, or I combine it with doing something with my hands. So I've been working a lot on a needlepoint project, but you could insert any sort of activity here. And the last thing I've been doing is really small in the grand scheme of things, but I think makes a huge difference. So I don't necessarily feel like I'm the kind of person that can just switch off my phone and plug it in and be good. I feel weird about that. So I still, I still check my calendar to see what I have the coming day. I still make sure my alarm is on and have that set. But I've been trying to do things not on my phone as the last thing I do before bed. So before it looked a lot like scrolling TikTok until I was falling asleep. Now I've been trying to read a physical book until I can't keep my eyes open. And that change has led to better and more sleep and I feel so much More rested when I wake up. But I think with that in mind, supporting your sleep is a really critical piece of this puzzle. Chronic stress disrupts sleep and poor sleep habits keep that cortisol high. So if you want a restful night's sleep, you have to build in a consistent wind down routine. I know exactly what mine looks like. Yours can look whatever you want it to look like, but give yourself way more of an on ramp. It doesn't need to be the five minutes before bed like it could be the two hours before bed. What are the things you're doing, in what order that make you feel calm and relaxed and ready to slow down? I also encourage you to nourish your body when stress is high. It's really common to skip meals or over caffeinate or crave sugar. And instead of aiming for perfect because we're all going to screw that up, adding small steady meals, water breaks are going to help keep your cortisol more stable. I know for me I gave up caffeine like six or eight months ago and you know, it's not completely off the table. It was for very many months, but then I felt like that consistent restriction all the time was making me feel deprived. And so instead I will occasionally have a warm cup of tea or a diet coke when I'm out to lunch with a friend. But I'm not constantly caffeinated. I'm not always filling my body with more chemicals. I am drinking more water and slowing down and eating more vegetables. And it's easy to feel frustrated. I just sat here and told you the way to get out of this pattern is to just do all the healthy things that you know are healthy and are hard to fit in and hard to make a pattern, hard to make a habit. And I get that. And so I think sometimes it's helpful to have something a little more concrete, a little more specific, a little more one time occurrence to help you break free of the cycle and then start including those habits and build those over time. And so if you haven't tried cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT or dialectical behavioral therapy or dbt, those can help you recognize and rewire thought patterns that fuel stress. These are evidence based approaches that are powerful tools for breaking automatic cortisol driven responses. Now you don't have to figure those out on your own. You can absolutely find a therapist that builds their practice around these sort of techniques and will walk you through them and help you through them and give you opportunities to talk it out. Not just in traditional talk therapy, but like Give you actual tools to cope, tools to recognize patterns of unhelpful thinking. It can be truly life changing stuff. I've had very traditional therapy, talk therapy for a long time, and my husband started going to therapy last spring, and I'm so very proud of him for making that choice. But he specifically sought out a CBT therapist, like someone who specializes in this. And the techniques and tools he's brought home have been really life changing for him. But even for me, you know, even in him just teaching me what he was taught has been a really incredible tool to recognize when I'm part of the problem. Because I think it's so easy to put it out on everybody else. Like I'm stressed because this happened to me, or this is going on in the world, or this is just something I'm required to do or have to show up to. And we're putting all of this stuff outside of ourselves. But if we can focus first on the stuff that we do have control over, which is not everything. I'm not saying you have control over everything. If you did, I promise we would live in a much more peaceful, calm, and giving world. But you do have control over your thoughts and behaviors and reactions. And if you've developed patterns of unhelpful responses, you're just going to keep that pattern going. But you can break that pattern and it can be really life changing. I'm going to not sit here and tell you to do all of this at once and to do all of this on your own. One, that is not going to be helpful because you're not really going to know what's helping you. But two, doing it all at once is overwhelming in and of itself and stressful in and of itself. And the whole point is to have a more calm life that allows you to remove some of that. And the funny thing is, in the process of doing this over the last, I don't know, six to nine months or so, I have found that I am far more content with the life I do have. I am far less attracted to the busyness of the online world. I say no to far more things. And the things that I used to get a lot of FOMO around, the things that I felt like I should be there or I should be doing that, or I should be involved with this, or I should sign up for that or I need to apply to that, a lot of those feelings may initially pop up. Like I may have that initial reaction of, oh, I want to do that, or oh my gosh, yes, or whatever, because it's still wired there. It's still part of my natural reaction. But at this point I can pause and be like, but do I really want that? Is that something I actually care about? Or or is it just because five other people I know happen to be going and that just sounds fun, or that just looks like the thing I should be doing or that would give me the visibility that would help me unlock XYZ thing? I think if you can start to understand why and just be more observant, become more aware, then you can slowly break yourself free. Now. I am by no means cured of this addiction to cortisol. I know I have run off stress and chaos the majority of my life, but in slowly undoing it, I have a better relationship with myself, a better relationship with my spouse, a better relationship with food, with my phone. As awkward as that sounds, I am spending more time in nature. I'm spending more time reading. I'm spending more time learning about things I want to learn about that may or may not help me make more money or have a more effective career. I'm more myself than I think I've been in over a decade. And I want you to know that that's available to you too. It's not easy or fast or permanent. It's something you have to keep working on. But I think it might be the most important thing you ever do for yourself, for your family, for the people around you, for the kind of impact that you want to have on the world. And because of that, I think it's important that we learn more about it, that we understand more about it, that we seek opportunities to do more of the things that fill us up and less of the things that stress us out. Even just observe over the last 12 to 24 hours, what did you do? What of those things made you feel more stressed or less stressed? What is helping you? What is making you feel worse? And how might you take that information and adjust something tomorrow or next week or next month? I know this will be life changing for you, but it just takes one step at a time. I can't wait to see where it takes you next.

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