Transcript
A (0:00)
Self actualization, by definition, is the realization or fulfillment of one's talents and potentialities. We all want the feeling of fulfillment. We all want to feel enough. We all want to feel satisfied.
B (0:18)
Welcome to the Strategy Hour podcast brought to you by Boss Project. I'm your host, Abigail Pumphrey, and I'm dedicated to supporting online businesses. I don't believe in one right way to build a business. I'm here to help you build business your way. One that supports not only the life you have, but the life you want. I'm on a personal mission to help you become financially free. I'm taking all the lessons learned as I turned a layoff into a seven figure online business. I'm here to help you prioritize your life every step of the way. Whether you're creating your first digital product, growing an email list, or scaling an already profitable business. Settle in. It's time to talk strategy.
A (0:58)
If you'd asked me five years ago what enough looked like, I could have given you a spreadsheet. I broke all of this down in my mind into how much visibility I needed to get, how many followers to get, how many people to click onto my website so I could generate how much in revenue so I could ultimately pay for the life that I have and build towards the life that I want. To me, it really felt that simple. It felt like if I could fulfill all of those things, that I would have enough. According to the Oxford Dictionary, enough is as much or as many as required. But I don't think any of us really ever think about it that way. So I prefer Merriam Webster's definition in or to a degree or quantity that.
B (1:55)
Satisfies or that is sufficient or necessary for satisfaction.
A (2:00)
And I think ultimately when we're searching for enough, we're searching for satisfaction. We want to feel fulfilled, we want to feel like we're enough. And it's so easy to make it about a monetary value or a number on a page. But you feeling enough, will never just be satisfied by numbers on a page or a certain amount of money. And I think all of us can know that, really grappling with it and figuring out what does it mean instead and how do you search for it? And how do I change and grow as a person and how do I acknowledge who I am and how I've grown? It all starts to feel so much more complicated. And of course we all would love to just simplify it down to an amount of money that we must achieve in order to have enough now. I think at some point it really started to make sense to me that the way I was approaching it wasn't ever going to satisfy. I think I knew that instinctually. I think I was willing to accept that as true. But I had zero frame of reference for what to do instead. And I don't think it was until I stumbled back upon this one particular thing that I started to really understand why I had been so focused for so long on that particular piece. And I don't necessarily think all of our stories are the same. So if I start sharing and you're like, that's not me, okay, well, maybe this isn't your problem. Maybe you are more able to wrestle with this thought and idea and get to some sort of conclusion that's logical. But for me, I couldn't figure out if it's not a number on a page or a certain amount of money, then what is it? Well, I went back just by happenstance and looked at Maslow's hierarchy of needs. And I had previously looked at these as I'm sure most of you had to better understand, what were the various things people need to satisfy in order to feel like we have all of our needs met? Because I don't necessarily think I realized at the time. But if we have all of our needs met, isn't that satisfaction? Isn't that the definition of satisfying enough? Right. Anyway, I wasn't this profound when I saw it initially. Okay, it was not that deep. I just simply was looking at this pyramid again and I remembered some of the basics, like the bottom, the foundation. The thing that we need before we can move on to the next is physiological needs. We need air, we need water, we need food, we need shelter, we need sleep and clothing. And those things, if they're not satisfied, it's very hard to focus on the next set of needs. Ideally, we need all of these things to feel whole and fulfilled. But if you don't have those base needs met, it's very hard to move on. So the second layer is all around safety. We have to have personal security, safety in employment. And in my opinion, that's more like sustainability of income. Like, we have to make enough financially, we have to have resources, be resourced. We need our health. And this particular version talks about having property or assets. I would imagine that could be savings or investments in our future. But we need safety for not only today, but for our future. And previously I focused enough essentially around fulfilling safety. I wanted to sustainably make enough income so that I could take care of those safety needs. And I was so focused on that for so long because I didn't have that for most of my life. At least I didn't feel that way for most of my life. Growing up with two parents on disability, it just changes you. You feel reliant on everyone else and you feel like you're not taking care of yourself. At least I didn't as a child of that system. And so it only makes sense that in a business I would work my butt off to get to the point that I felt like I was independently safe and secure and financially resilient. I very much remember when I got to that point where I felt like this was satisfied. It was around the time when we moved into this home, which is already been five years, which is bizarre to me, but we had bought our dream home. We had good savings, like excellent savings. I knew we were set up for our future. I knew retirement was going to work out, we were going to be able to be self sufficient. Like all of those things finally clicked into place. And then I didn't know what to do with myself and I didn't know what I was looking for. I felt kind of adrift. Like if all of these boxes are checked, then what am I supposed to do now? If the goal, like foundationally as a human being was to get that sense of security, I would do things that would provide that or make me feel in control of that or make me feel validated, which looking back, hindsight's always 20 20, right? Like I can look back and I can see why that makes sense. I can see why I put those goals and those things ahead of where I was going. Like $100,000 launch or $100,000 month felt like the definition of a growing business. That is a sustainable one. Reaching a certain team size felt like I was running a real company that was going to support me long term and be able to continue to grow and flourish. Getting pressed felt like validation. Outside of myself, I wasn't the only one saying that what I was doing was making an impact. Other people were saying and validating that what I was doing was making an impact. And I think all of us do that, at least for a while. And then at some point it starts to feel frivolous, like why am I still focusing on this? When did money become so important? Why do I even care about that? And I think this disillusion often happens in correlation with actually being safe and secure and we don't realize the connection. I certainly didn't when it was happening. It took me five more years to figure out that was Happening. I just felt lost. I felt like. And what now, right when you've done it all, when you've met the goal, when you check the boxes, and it still doesn't feel like enough, even though that's what you defined as enough, what's next? I certainly didn't know then. I had no clue. And instead of searching for the answer, instead of trying to figure out what it is that I really wanted or what was going to satisfy that or what was going to make me feel whole, I distracted myself. Because girl is really good at doing that. I kept, in some ways up the ruse, right? Keep growing the business, keep making money, keep helping more people. If you keep doing all of these things, then surely at some point it's gonna feel good. That was all true. And I was spending every waking moment of my free time focused on helping other people. A big chunk of which three years of which was spent caregiving for Jared's grandmother, You know, she lived with us full time. She lived with us from 93 to 96. And it was a lot. It is so much time and energy, and more so than even that, it is absolutely consuming of all your extra thoughts and ideas. I didn't have time for that. I didn't have time to continue to explore. I wasn't really growing myself. I was, for lack of a better way to describe it, in survival mode. Because every new day brought a new set of challenges. As her dementia progressed and her physical abilities declined, there was more on our plate constantly. And I by no means regret that time. I would do it again in a heartbeat. It was such an incredible time to be a part of someone's life and really make a lasting difference. There is no way she would have lived as long as she did if she hadn't been in our care. And it wasn't prolonging something in a way that she wasn't enjoying it, like she was truly living. And that's such a beautiful thing. And I think in some ways it gave me some level of fulfillment because I was able to focus on someone else. But that can create a nearly codependent relationship. I don't necessarily think it was that way because she truly did need the help. I wasn't, you know, overcompensating, but it didn't mean I could continue to explore the concept of enough. Now she's been gone two years, and for anyone who's been through grief, you know that it's never really over, but it's usually more all consuming in the beginning. And then every day gets a little bit easier and sometimes it comes back in waves and unexpected things kind of bring you back to those moments, but for the most part it gets a little lighter every day. And it really wasn't until this summer that I felt like I could explore again what I needed. Because for so long I had been focused on what everyone else needed. And in some ways I think I thought that was what I was supposed to do. If I have enough, then that means that I need to make sure everyone else also does. If I am safe and secure and have the financial means, then I need to, in order to feel satisfied, make sure everyone else also have those needs met. And I think that comes from like an incredible place of giving and caring, but it fails to ignore your other needs. Because there's not just two levels in Maslow's hierarchy of needs. There's five. There's five levels Want to learn exactly.
