Podcast Summary: Strategy Hour | Online Marketing for Business Growth

Episode 994: What Most People Get Wrong About Success

Host: Abagail Pumphrey
Date: October 16, 2025

Episode Overview

In this powerful solo episode, Abagail Pumphrey gets candid about the myths and misconceptions surrounding "success" in online business and personal life. Drawing from her own journey as a business strategist, entrepreneur, and daughter of an inspiring mother, Abagail encourages listeners to rethink the hustle-centric mindset and redefine what success means on their own terms. The episode moves from societal expectations to personal anecdotes, providing actionable advice for living a more content and present life as a business owner.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Invisible Checklist and Societal Expectations

(03:10 – 07:40)

• Abagail reflects on the unspoken “invisible checklist” handed down by society: school, successful job, marriage, homeownership, kids—defining what "success" should look like.

• She points out these expectations vary culturally, but the essence is similar and promotes constant comparison to unrealistic benchmarks.

  “We all thought we would feel a certain way if we did what we were told. If we did what society told us would make us successful... but it doesn't change who we are today.” — Abagail Pumphrey (05:10)

2. Outcome vs. Effort Culture

(07:41 – 10:45)

• Success measured by results, not the effort: Abagail discusses how childhood achievement and praise were usually based on outcomes rather than hard work or persistence.

• This creates an endless cycle of self-competition and eventual burnout.

  “We’ve created a culture in which we’re rewarding outcome, not rewarding effort. And if you continue to reward outcome, then you are constantly trying to get new ones... and eventually, outdoing yourself becomes absolutely impossible.” — Abagail Pumphrey (09:25)

3. Personal Story: Her Mother’s Influence and Redefining Success

(11:00 – 15:40)

• Shares details of her mother’s achievements and the impact of her drive and eventual disability on Abagail’s perception of what defines a "good" life.

• Abagail lists her own business achievements but confesses to feeling unaccomplished when unable to meet typical daily standards, particularly during personal health battles (e.g., IVF journey).

  "I’ve been featured in Forbes and Inc... My website has been read in 189 different countries. And that’s just the stuff off the top of my head... but sitting today is an accomplishment." — Abagail Pumphrey (15:15)

4. Holding Good and Bad in Tension

(16:00 – 18:40)

• Discusses the complex emotions in pursuing business and personal milestones—how success and struggle are often intertwined.

• Emphasizes that many feel unworthy unless they’re constantly pushing forward, regardless of circumstances.

  "So many of us hold these things in tension where the good thing is here and the bad thing is here, and they're intertwined and laced together and tied up in knots." — Abagail Pumphrey (17:20)

5. Challenging the Rules and Rewriting the Definition of Success

(18:41 – 21:40)

• The need to let go of “rules” imprinted through childhood and society, which become internalized barriers.

• Argues that we deserve love and worthiness in the present, not based on meeting others’ definitions of accomplishment.

  "But I don’t think it’s going to happen if we don’t let some of these rules or misconceptions go. The things that we framed about success, if we don’t undo these patterns, we’re going to stay stuck." — Abagail Pumphrey (21:10)

6. Three Core Misconceptions About Success

a) Misconception #1: Success Is About Doing More

(23:10 – 28:30)

• The ingrained belief that constant growth and achievement = success.

• Many develop their whole identity around being busy or needed, leading to a loss of self outside of their accomplishments.

  "More is often a disguise for ‘I don’t know who I really am.’" — Abagail Pumphrey (24:20)

b) Misconception #2: Success Looks the Same for Everyone

(28:31 – 32:00)

• No universal blueprint; trying to copy others leads to discomfort and dissatisfaction.

• Emphasizes learning from others without forcing a “square peg in a round hole.”

  "There’s no right place or right time or right structure for every single person." — Abagail Pumphrey (29:40)

c) Misconception #3: Success Will Make You Feel Safe

(32:10 – 37:00)

• Achieving external markers of success won’t instantly provide safety, heal trauma, or end anxiety.

• Money can provide options, but peace and healing require personal work.

  "That illusion of stability—having more money, more status, more control—it’s not going to be what quiets your nervous system." — Abagail Pumphrey (33:00)

• Questions if "success" as we know it can become toxic:

  "I’ve been wondering if the very thing that has made you successful to this point is now what’s actively destroying you?" — Abagail Pumphrey (36:20)

7. Personal Anecdotes: Contentment and Redefining Enough

(37:01 – 42:10)

• Shares about her “Eat, Pray, Love” journey of figuring out what she wants, shifting from accolades to savoring daily moments—nature, walks, quiet, small joys—especially during challenging personal times.

• Describes her first office—a lawn chair and a paint bucket—and how those humble beginnings were filled with genuine contentment, in contrast to today’s expectations.

  “I did a much better job then of living in the moment, of being there and being excited about where I was. Because every new thing was brand new.” — Abagail Pumphrey (40:45)

8. Practical Takeaways for Listeners

(42:11 – End)

• Encourages journaling, note-taking, and reflection on what brings true satisfaction outside of societal expectations and achievement.

• Urges listeners to focus less on “how” to achieve a certain picture of success and more on what they want to maintain and enjoy in their daily lives.

  "If you stop trying to prove your worth by achieving more, what would you do instead?" — Abagail Pumphrey (43:30)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On societal checklists:
  “We spend so much of our time and attention focused on our future selves that we forget how to live in the present.” — (04:30)

• On chronic comparison:
  “It just makes us compare ourselves to this inconceivably impossible representation of what a good life, what success looks like.” — (07:00)

• On redefining accomplishment:
  "Sitting today is an accomplishment... I'm on day 10 of IVF stimulation medication... and I feel like I'm carrying around two water balloons that could pop at any second." — (15:40)

• On embracing small wins and contentment:
  "Reading a book and drinking a cup of hot tea and working on my needlepoint project... those are the things that light me up." — (41:30)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• The invisible checklist and what society told us about success: 03:10 – 07:40
• Effort vs. outcomes in childhood and their impact: 07:41 – 10:45
• Personal achievement vs. self-judgment: 15:15 – 18:00
• Three biggest misconceptions about success: 23:10 – 37:00
  • Doing more ≠ success: 23:10 – 28:30
  • “Success” looks the same for everyone: 28:31 – 32:00
  • “Success” will make you safe: 32:10 – 37:00
• Contentment, present-moment awareness, and the story of the first office: 37:01 – 42:10
• Action items and redefining your own success: 42:11 – End

Final Thoughts

Abagail Pumphrey delivers a deeply personal, encouraging message that cuts through typical entrepreneurial hustle culture. She urges listeners to unravel old stories about achievement, lean into presence, and build an intentional, joyful life and business—aligned with what truly matters to them. The episode is both an invitation and a challenge: to stop outsourcing your self-worth to arbitrary benchmarks and start living success on your own terms.

Recommended for:
Online business owners, entrepreneurs, creative professionals, and anyone feeling stuck chasing an external idea of success.