ADHD or Perimenopause? The Signs You’ve Been Missing

Summary

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The Tamsen Show: ADHD or Perimenopause? The Signs You’ve Been Missing

Host: Tamsen Fadal
Guest: Shauna Pearson, ADHD Coach
Date: September 3, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this episode of The Tamsen Show, host Tamsen Fadal sits down with renowned ADHD coach Shauna Pearson to untangle the complicated—and often intertwined—web of perimenopause, menopause, and ADHD in women. With diagnoses rising later in life and symptoms often mistaken for anxiety, depression, or “just getting older,” this conversation offers a roadmap to understanding what’s really going on in women’s brains and lives. The episode dives deep into diagnosis myths, symptom overlap, practical strategies for daily life, and the emotional realities many women face—highlighting what’s different about ADHD in women, especially in midlife.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Defining and Demystifying ADHD in Women

[03:48-05:56]

• ADHD vs. ADD:

  • ADD is now an outdated term. "ADHD" covers all types, with “ADHD-I” (inattentive) being the most common for women.
    • “You can have zero physical hyperactivity and then be diagnosed with ADHD I, which is pretty common for a lot of women.” – Shauna Pearson [04:08]

• Late Diagnoses:

  • Many women develop workarounds for their undiagnosed ADHD, only to have symptoms worsen or become unmanageable during perimenopause or menopause due to hormonal shifts that affect dopamine.
    • "Perimenopause and menopause are when a lot of women go get diagnosed because their life just falls apart." – Shauna Pearson [08:03]

The Emotional Reality: Misdiagnosis & Misunderstanding

[07:03-08:03; 21:14-24:15]

• Misdiagnosis:
  • 30-50% of Shauna’s female coaching clients had previously been misdiagnosed—with depression or anxiety—resulting in mismedication.
  • “They were told they had depression...most people would just take antidepressants, but then you feel even worse because what you're doing isn't working.” – Shauna Pearson [22:14]
• Assessment Tools:
  • Standard GP self-assessment questionnaires (GAD-7 for anxiety & PHQ-9 for depression) overlap heavily with ADHD symptoms but do not probe the emotional overwhelm unique to ADHD in women.
  • “The ADHD self-assessment that they give you in your doctor's office hits a lot of the productivity, but it doesn’t hit the overwhelm… and that’s ADHD for women.” – Shauna Pearson [23:50]

The Modern Context: Increased Overwhelm

[12:29-13:22]

• Changing World:
  • The high-stimulation, never-off nature of modern life (social media, smartphones) makes self-management much harder for today’s women with ADHD compared to a decade ago.

What ADHD Really Looks Like in Women

[10:15-11:58]

• Not Just Hyperactive Boys:
  • Stereotypes obscure how ADHD shows up in adult women—chronic overwhelm, inability to compartmentalize, and feeling “out of sync.”
  • “We're constantly living in this deluge of everything all at once right now.” – Shauna Pearson [11:26]

Genetics and Family Patterns

[16:00-16:28]

• ADHD is highly genetic.
  • “It’s almost 100% of the time, if you are diagnosed with ADHD, somebody very closely related to you has it.” – Shauna Pearson [16:00]

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Strategies, Tools, and Coping Techniques

Simple Daily Practices

[27:06-32:44]

• Physical Action:

  • Shauna advocates for physical actions (writing by hand, especially with the non-dominant hand) to “get out of your head” and break the spiral of overwhelm.
    • “…write it out with your non-dominant hand… you have to focus so intently… while I'm writing this… it's completely registered.” – Shauna Pearson [29:41]

• Three-Item To-Do List with Visual Boundaries:

  • Write down only two or three tasks, then draw a thick box around them—to create a visual, “impenetrable wall” of focus.
    • “If you only had three things, that's my saying. Keep it to three and you're free.” – Shauna Pearson [32:32]

The Power of Physical State Change

[35:42-37:35]

• Changing physical state (move your body, eat a mint then drink cold water, go outside, listen to music) can jolt the overwhelmed brain into a more productive or calmer state.
  • “The best way to get out of your head is to get into your body.” – Shauna Pearson [37:25]

Managing Social Media

[40:09-42:30]

• For many with ADHD, social media = kryptonite; Shauna avoids it entirely to prevent distraction and comparison traps.
  • “For me, it would be like if I were a recovering alcoholic and I went to sit in a bar… Just don't do it.” – Shauna Pearson [40:27]

Relationships and Communication

[42:34-46:39]

• ADHD deeply affects relationships via forgetfulness, impulsivity, overwhelm, and emotional reactivity.
• Communication and mutual understanding are critical.
  • “If your partner doesn’t know you have ADHD, you’re gonna be faulted.” – Shauna Pearson [45:23]
  • Write down and visually box in a single commitment to help keep promises: “Commit to one thing that you said you were gonna do. Write it down. Put a big wall, a big box around it.” – Shauna Pearson [46:27]

Morning Routine & “Mood Scheduling”

[47:23-48:27]

• Leverage high-focus times: tackle one tough task first, then do self-care.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Overlap of ADHD, Anxiety & Depression:
  • “Eight of the nine [depression] questions that women with ADHD would respond, either a one or two or three to.” – Shauna Pearson [23:43]
• On Confidence:
  • "That's what it impacts… you grew up feeling like the square peg trying to fit into a round hole and you never could—and it affects your confidence. It affects everything." – Shauna Pearson [33:37]
• On “Superpower” Rhetoric:
  • “ADHD is not a superpower. It’s not… there are some positives, but let’s not minimize how hard it is.” – Shauna Pearson [50:03]
• On Medication:
  • “ADHD medication… helps you focus. It doesn’t help you focus on the right things though.” – Shauna Pearson [52:28]
• On Misdiagnosis Rates:
  • “30 to 50% of our female clients have also been misdiagnosed with depression and mismedicated.” – Shauna Pearson [14:14; 22:00]
• On Invisible Symptoms:
  • “The female symptoms of ADHD are not noticeable…a woman who’s overwhelmed and is just sitting there like daydreaming—you can’t see it. So our symptoms are invisible.” – Shauna Pearson [53:35]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:18] – Does ADHD impact women’s confidence?
• [03:48] – Definitions: ADHD vs. ADD and why women’s symptoms are missed
• [07:03] – Shauna’s journey to diagnosis & story of misdiagnosis
• [10:15] – Breaking stereotypes: how adult women experience ADHD
• [14:16] – Does career choice matter with ADHD?
• [21:14] – Misdiagnosis: Anxiety & depression tools miss the mark
• [27:06] – Real-world coping tools: physical action, writing exercises
• [32:32] – Three’s the magic number: limiting to-dos to reduce overwhelm
• [35:42] – Physical state changes and body-mind connection
• [40:09] – Social media: friend or foe for ADHD?
• [42:34] – Navigating marriage and partnerships with ADHD
• [47:23] – Morning routines that work for ADHD brains
• [55:47-58:43] – Audience questions: Reset tools, ADHD vs. menopause, follow-through struggles
• [59:47-62:20] – Rapid-fire round: Myths and truths about ADHD

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Listener Questions and Rapid Fire Myths

[55:47-62:20]

• Reset tool: Move your body, put on a song, do anything physical. [56:53]
• ADHD vs. Menopause: Both can lower dopamine, treatment and practical tools overlap.
• Following through: Difficulty is typical in ADHD; planning is easy, execution is hard due to overwhelm.
• Rapid-fire Myths:
  • ADHD is not caused by screens.
  • Not everyone “has a little ADHD”; it's lifelong, not just modern life.
  • Planners do work, if you use them.
  • ADHD medication helps, but doesn’t “fix everything.”
  • Hyperfocus does not mean you can't have ADHD.

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Final Takeaways

• If you feel chronically overwhelmed, “out of step,” or if standard treatments for anxiety/depression haven’t worked, you may need assessment for ADHD—especially if difficulties increase during perimenopause or menopause.
• Diagnosis for women requires a provider who understands gender differences in symptoms.
• Coping tools include physical movement, limiting to-do’s, and making commitments visible.
• ADHD is not just about forgetfulness; it’s a deeply emotional and often invisible struggle, but effective management and support are absolutely possible.

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Resources:

• Shauna’s coaching: adhdcoaching.com
• Shauna Pearson’s book: "Invisible ADHD"
• For personalized care: See a specialist, not just a primary care doctor.
• More from Tamsen Fadal: @thetamsenshow on social media

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“You’re not broken and you’re not lazy—you’re most likely underserved, misunderstood, and overdue for support.” – Tamsen Fadal [62:20]

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Transcript

[Tamsen]

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[Tamsen]

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[Tamsen]

Every home do you think ADHD impacts a woman's confidence?

[Shauna Pearson]

That's what it impacts. Like, first and foremost, you've had ADHD since you were born. Most women have no idea that they had ADHD when they were kids. You felt like you were completely out of sync with other people and you didn't know why. Why am I having a hard time getting along with people? Why do I not have as many friends as I think I should have? Why do people seem to be annoyed with me all the time? Your brain is wired completely different and nobody knows it.

[Tamsen]

Shauna Pearson has coached tens of thousands of women. She built the largest one on one ADHD coaching program in the world and her work is helping women understand their brains and take their lives back.

[Shauna Pearson]

Even if you've been getting by your entire life having adhd, but you've created systems and you don't even know you have adhd. Perimenopause and menopause are when a lot of women go get diagnosed.

[Tamsen]

Today, Shauna is breaking down what is really going on.

[Shauna Pearson]

30 to 50% of our female clients have also been misdiagnosed with depression and mismedicated.

[Tamsen]

And she's sharing tools to help you feel more in control, less guilty, and finally understood.

[Shauna Pearson]

But if you write down the two things, or the three things at the most, and then you draw with a very thick line, a box around it, this is an impenetrable wall. This is what you're focusing on right now, and it's this and only this.

[Tamsen]

So how do you know whether or not it's anxiety, depression, or ADHD or both?

[Shauna Pearson]

I think it's a really important thing to talk about because.

[Tamsen]

Before we start, I just wanna say thank you. If this show has helped you feel seen less alone and just a little more understood, it would mean so much if you hit subscribe and left a review. I read every single one. And they're a big part of how we keep these conversations going. Now, this is a topic I have been wanting to cover since we started the podcast, because I'm constantly asking myself, is this ADHD or is it brain fog? And I know I'm not alone. So many women are being diagnosed later in life, and I get your questions.

[Podcast Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Every single day about this.

[Tamsen]

There is good news. Shauna Pearson is here to break it all down, and she's answering your questions at the end of this episode. So be sure and stick around till the end, and let's get into it. Shauna, I am so excited you're here.

[Shauna Pearson]

I am so excited I'm here, and.

[Tamsen]

So is everybody else, because three people came up to you all at once here in the studio and were like, okay, we need to talk to you about ADHD right now.

[Shauna Pearson]

Exactly.

[Tamsen]

Which completely makes sense because I think it's been a really big topic of late.

[Shauna Pearson]

It has been. Especially for women.

[Tamsen]

First of all, not assuming that everybody knows these definitions. So let's define ADHD and then how it differs from add.

[Shauna Pearson]

ADD is an old term. They stopped using it quite a few years ago. It used to be like the, you know, ADHD without the hyperactivity.

[Tamsen]

Okay.

[Shauna Pearson]

Now they call it ADHD I, which is inattentive. So it's just a little bit confusing because it still has the H there. But you can have zero physical hyperactivity and then be diagnosed with ADHD I, which is pretty common for a lot of women. That's, like, the most common diagnosis for the female population.

[Tamsen]

But overall, we can still say adhd, right?

[Shauna Pearson]

Definitely.

[Tamsen]

You're an ADHD coach. How did you become one?

[Shauna Pearson]

After I was diagnosed myself, thankfully, I was working in a nonprofit job creating a coaching program in health and wellness, which is, which is not my expertise. But I got this job and I was doing a pretty good job because the participants, it was for 2000 career coaches across the province of Ontario in Canada. And that was the same time that I was diagnosed with adhd. And so I was seeing the results that these career coaches were getting in their health and wellness coaching program. And I'm like, well, okay, I know how to get people from point A to point B. So. And then I was diagnosed with adhd and I decided after spending so much time and effort in the health and wellness coaching program that I was doing, I'm like, I need to transfer this and help people that are me. Like, these are my people. And so I just started it really slow. Like just get one client, you know, once I once. That was at a point where I already had to start learning everything about ADHD and what works to help yourself. Yes.

[Tamsen]

Well, and so I always think that's where so many things are rooted. Right. You're dealing with something yourself and then you realize that there's more to learn, more to learn and then something to teach.

[Shauna Pearson]

So much to learn.

[Tamsen]

How did it feel when you were diagnosed with ADHD?

[Shauna Pearson]

I was 32. My life was a disaster, just to put it straight. And at first in the same, it was a bit of a mishmash because they actually diagnosed me with depression initially and it didn't quite make sense, even though my life was very depressing at the time and I wasn't happy. And I answered all of the self assessment questionnaires, you know, according to, you know, it seemed to fit with depression, but I wasn't depressed. And so, you know, they put me on an antidepressant and that actually did make me feel depressed. And after a little bit, I was just, I just wanted to, I told the doctor, I'm like, this is not, this is not me. This is not working. And then he, the doctor initially that told me to go get diagnosed in the first place, sent me to one of those ADHD specialist doctors that literally took two days with me. It was like six hour days twice and looked at every part of my life, all the way back to kindergarten. I had to bring in my report cards that my mother still kept. And yeah, so he did such a thorough diagnosis. He basically told me, you are the textbook, you know, textbook version of extreme adhd. And it totally made sense based on whatever I knew at the time.

[Tamsen]

So you had been ADHD your whole.

[Shauna Pearson]

Life but didn't know that everyone, everyone who has ADHD has had ADHD for their entire life. And it's interesting because a lot of. Especially, especially girls, they're not. They don't tend to be as visibly hyperactive as boys. So they tend to get missed when they're younger, they're not as problematic or disruptive. And so they get missed. And then, you know, later in life they might get diagnosed or for a lot of women, and this is. I mean, you know everything about this when they going through perimenopause or menopause because of the lower amounts of estrogen, which basically influence dopamine, and then you have an even lower amount of dopamine. So even if you've been getting by your entire life having adhd, but you've created systems and you don't even know you have adhd. Perimenopause and menopause are when a lot of women go get diagnosed because their life just falls apart because it's not.

[Tamsen]

Being able to be controlled now anymore. Like, you've had it all along.

[Shauna Pearson]

Your systems, you know, whether it's been like, you know, organization or time management or mood management, whatever. Whatever systems you've made and you put into your life, they've been working. But then you hit this time in your life where your dopamine levels are even lower and those systems stop working because it becomes a lot heavier and more severe. And that's when people are like, they can't manage their minds in a way, or it's just like they just feel like everything is spinning so far out of control. And that's when a lot of people go seek a diagnosis.

[Tamsen]

I will tell you that those words, I have to imagine, are gonna make a lot of people hearing this, especially women, feel so much better and relieved that, like, maybe that is what's going on with me versus I feel like I'm losing it, or I feel like something's really wrong with me, or I'm going crazy. Because I will tell you, and I've not talked about this before, but about a year and a half ago, I was sent to a psychiatrist from my therapist who said, I think that you have adhd, but I wanna see you a little and probably go through the tests or the few days that you went through, but I backed out and I never did it. And I think I really regret that now, and I probably should go and follow through with that, but I really do. After reading your book and just continuing to learn more about it, I have to imagine that he was probably right and it was probably something I didn't know If I was ready to hear.

[Shauna Pearson]

If you're feeling great and your life is feeling like you are feeling like you have your life under control, you don't necessarily need to go get a diagnosis if everything is fine. It's not like I need to know that I have, have this now because, I mean, maybe it's good, maybe not, but I think if you're, I mean, you're definitely in the right profession and you are definitely doing the right type of work because, you know, every day is different and you're always like speaking to different people and you're, I mean, you're amazing, you know, so if everything is, if everything is fantastic and on a good level for you, but those.

[Tamsen]

Systems that used to work for me, the systems that work for me for 30 years in news don't always work every day like they used to.

[Shauna Pearson]

Right?

[Tamsen]

Definitely. I'm definitely aware of that.

[Shauna Pearson]

Interesting.

[Tamsen]

You know, so when I, when I was growing up, I guess the definition to me in my mind for ADHD was always like a fidgeting little boy in the classroom, right?

[Shauna Pearson]

Totally.

[Tamsen]

It wasn't a 40 year old mother of two. It wasn't a 55 year old woman who switched. It wasn't anything that we're talking about now. So what is a typical client for you?

[Shauna Pearson]

There's no typical adhd, which is why it's actually tricky to diagnose. However, there are some key areas that everyone seems to have in common. You know, if you're in your 40s and 50s and you know, everything's been working up until a certain point, it starts to feel like everything's unraveling. Our typical clients are unbelievably overwhelmed where it feels like there's just way too much going on and it's all taking up the exact same amount of space in your head. There's nowhere to put anything because we're not able. This is something about ADHD that I think you and hopefully a lot of people watching this should know or listening to this should know. We don't have a very easy time compartmentalizing. Okay. So we're constantly living in this deluge of everything all at once right now. And if you.

[Tamsen]

I have to fix all this now and nothing really takes precedent.

[Shauna Pearson]

It's all the exact same level of importance. Everything.

[Tamsen]

You've described that to a T though. That's exactly, that's exactly right.

[Shauna Pearson]

Good.

[Tamsen]

And I hear a lot of women say that too.

[Shauna Pearson]

And it's like that nonstop, every day. There's no respite, there's no you know, like, oh, well, you know, it was really stressful last week, but now I'm done with that and everything is good. It is like that no matter what. And you're living in that, which is incredibly stressful.

[Tamsen]

There's no typical client for that. There's no typical, like just picture of somebody with adhd. It could be all over the place.

[Shauna Pearson]

For a lot of women, honestly. We tend to be a little bit more. I don't wanna say quieter. We tend to be more like expressive and enthusiastic about different things. Tend to be. Not everyone is, but. But all of us are drowning in overwhelm all the time. And that's something that you can pretty much count on for any woman with adhd.

[Tamsen]

What does ADHD look like in women today that maybe was different from maybe 10 years ago? I don't know.

[Shauna Pearson]

I feel like the way that the world is spinning and the amount of. I want to say it's like high volume. Everything is so high volume and there's so many places to look and so many areas to get completely lost on. So we didn't have like dudes the way that we do now. We didn't have anything. Like we didn't have our social. We didn't have the phones. Like we don't even have. We didn't have smartphones back then the way we do now. So it was easier to create systems that you can follow because there wasn't all of this other stuff pulling you in to different directions everywhere you go. And the stuff that we have now that's so distracting, we carry it with us. Like there's nowhere to go without it. So I feel like it's really hard. It's really, really, really hard now more than ever to have this type of brain.

[Tamsen]

You have invisible. ADHD is the book that you have. And there's a lot of strategies in this to really manage what's going on.

[Shauna Pearson]

There's over 100. I did way too much.

[Tamsen]

A hundred strategies.

[Shauna Pearson]

There's plenty of people out there that write an entire book on one really great strategy. And I guess because I do everything all at once right now. Brain, I'm just like, put it in there. Like just. Cause you don't know what's gonna work for somebody or what might not. So I just put, I put so many, so many tools in this book that we use right now in our coaching program. I just want people to have it. I want everyone to have it.

[Tamsen]

If you're listening to this or watching this today and you're listening to what Shawn is saying. And you're like, oh, my gosh. I think that that's me. I need some strategies. I wanna go through some of those. First, I wanna go back to one thing you said. You said that I was in the right. Somebody with adhd. Is there a right or wrong profession or are there certain professions for someone with ADHD that work better?

[Shauna Pearson]

I say as long as you're in a profession that you love, genuinely love, and I know you love what you're doing.

[Tamsen]

I do.

[Shauna Pearson]

Like, I know. I can feel it in every, you know, everywhere. And not even just here in person, but, you know, you can tell that you love what you're doing. That's the right profession. Don't go into a profession that you should be doing. Don't go into a profession because it necessarily, like, pays 10% more than another profession. But it's gonna be boring. And like you, you won't be able to stick with it. Because I always tell our clients, it's one thing to get a job, and it's a completely different story to keep a job. And ADHDers tend to have a tougher time keeping jobs in terms of being able to stay with the same thing day after day. You have to love it or have.

[Tamsen]

Some variety in it.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yeah, that's part of loving it. Right? If you have a job that has variety, then you're gonna love my job. I've been doing the same. I've been running this company for so many, and I cannot believe how I've stuck with it. But there's no day that's boring.

[Tamsen]

So your company, you have coaches under you, right?

[Shauna Pearson]

Yes, I have a lot of coaches under me.

[Tamsen]

ADHD coaches that you trained.

[Shauna Pearson]

I train all of them. Like, I train them. They're in training for close to a year.

[Tamsen]

Wow.

[Shauna Pearson]

With me. And it's almost like the less they already know about ADHD coaching, the better they are, because there's less unlearning to do. Because what we do isn't just. I feel like a lot of ADHD coaching really focuses on time management and organization. And I know for a fact that you have to go a lot deeper than that.

[Tamsen]

Okay.

[Shauna Pearson]

Because you could have, like, a million time management strategies, but as an ADHD woman, if you don't feel like implementing them, you won't.

[Tamsen]

Adhd, is it genetic? Is it environmental? Is it both?

[Shauna Pearson]

It's genetic. It's highly genetic. And it's almost 100% of the time, if you are diagnosed with ADHD, somebody very closely related to you has it. It doesn't have to be your parents, but it could be your grandparents or uncles or aunts. But you will find a very close family member who has it as well.

[Tamsen]

So interesting, so genetic. So if you see, you know, if your mother has adhd, it's quite possible.

[Shauna Pearson]

That chances are pretty, pretty high that you'll have it. Or if you're a woman who has adhd, chances are if you have two or three kids, one of them will most likely, not necessarily, but most likely one of them will have symptoms of ADHD or just have adhd.

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[Tamsen]

You know, I hear more than ever, women in menopause or perimenopause with ADHD or feeling like they have ADHD or trying to figure out whether is it brain fog or is it adhd? We have all this new vocabulary right now. And so. So if there's a woman listening and says, like, listen, I'm forgetting things. I feel like I'm kind of all over the place. I'm working on my phone, the next minute I forget what I. In the middle of an email, I forget what I was doing, and I go over here. How do you differentiate between those two things? Cause there's a lot going on with your body. When your hormones start to decline, you.

[Shauna Pearson]

Really have to look at your entire life, because, again, you're not like, ADHD doesn't just happen. So you'll know, like with the brain fog, have you always been a little bit like that? Have you always felt like you're in a. You know, when you're going through perimenopause or menopause, you kind of feel like you're at a different frequency than a lot of people around you, unless they happen to be going through the same thing that you're going through. But have you always felt that. Have you always felt a little bit like not in alignment with the rest of the world and you're operating at a different speed or level? These are things to ask about, you know, when you're in high school or when you're in your 20s or 30s, has it always been like that on some level? And if so, you know, you might want to get checked out. But I want to say, and I think it's really important, because a lot of us, when we're feeling off and, you know, we're not feeling great, or we're feeling like, you know, I've just been, like, I've just been feeling sadder than usual or more anxious than usual. And we tell our gp, they'll give us a self assessment. They'll always give us the same self assessment. So we've all gotten these. If you've ever said this to your doctor, so I can show you what they give you. And they give you two. Yeah.

[Tamsen]

If you go into your doctor and you say, I'm feeling a little bit off.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yeah, I'm feeling off, or I'm feeling anxious all the time. I'm constantly worrying. I can't stop worrying, or I just feel. This is one. Especially for women in their 40s or 50s, I feel like my Life just isn't turning out the way I wanted it to, and I don't know what to do about it. And I can't make my life work, which is something I hear all the time from our clients. They'll give you self assessment tools, and they'll either give it to you on a clipboard or on an iPad, but you'll get the same self assessments. And the one for anxiety, it's called the Gad 7. And this is the anxiety self assessment. And they'll give this one to you and they'll also give you the PHQ9, which is the one for depression.

[Tamsen]

Can you read some of those on the two?

[Shauna Pearson]

Yeah. This is really important. So this is super, super important. I think everybody needs to know this. The G87 for anxiety asks seven questions, and every single one of these questions. For example, feeling nervous or on edge, not being able to stop or control worrying. This is for anxiety, so it makes sense. Right. Trouble relaxing, being so restless, it's hard to sit still. Is this starting to. Cause you can tell, you know exactly where I'm going.

[Tamsen]

You're starting a sit with me, Shauna.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yes. You're starting, you know where I'm going. Being annoyed or easily irritable.

[Tamsen]

Okay.

[Shauna Pearson]

And, you know, feeling afraid, as if something awful might happen. These are all symptoms of adhd.

[Tamsen]

But that's an anxiety test.

[Shauna Pearson]

Exactly. And I would say about 30 to 50% of our female clients that are, you know, around our age range have also been misdiagnosed with depression and mismedicated.

[Tamsen]

And instead it was.

[Shauna Pearson]

It was adhd. And these are the lucky people who found out later that it was adhd. They were told that they had depression and most people would just take antidepressants. But then you feel even worse because what you're doing isn't working.

[Tamsen]

Because that's not the right solution for ADHD.

[Shauna Pearson]

It's not the right solution. So this is the PHQ9. This is the self assessment tool that they will give you at your GP to see if you have depression. So feeling down, feeling a little bit sad. If you have ADHD and your life isn't working out, you will answer that. As you know, many days, more than half days, poor appetite or overeating. I feel like all of our clients fall into one of those categories. Trouble concentrating on things that should be number one. Yeah. Feeling bad about yourself. So remember, there's only nine questions on this and already. So, okay. Being fidgety or restless that you have to keep moving around. Little interest or pleasure in doing things probably, probably 30% of our clients, when they come to us and they have ADHD and they can't figure out what to do when. And then they're doing something and it's not working for them and they get so frustrated and they just, they lose interest. And so of the PHQ9, there are eight of the nine questions that women with ADHD would respond, either a one or two or three. Two.

[Tamsen]

Well, yeah. So how do you know whether or not it's anxiety, depression or ADHD or both?

[Shauna Pearson]

I think it's a really important thing to talk about because the ADHD self assessment that they give you in your doctor's office hits a lot of the productivity, but it doesn't hit the overwhelm. It doesn't hit the extreme levels of feeling so stuck that you can't even move. And that's adhd and that's ADHD for women. So even the ADHD self assessment tools, they're made for, mostly it's for men.

[Tamsen]

Now, is this the adhd? Is this how you screen for adhd?

[Shauna Pearson]

This is how you screen for adhd. More in depth.

[Tamsen]

If somebody wants to be screened for adhd, where do they need to go? Is it a doctor?

[Shauna Pearson]

You have to go to your doctor. And then after they give you the initial assessment, you need to go to an ADHD specialist because they are the ones that know about the deeper. Most of them know. Not everyone knows, but they'll know about the deeper, the really the deeper overwhelm.

[Tamsen]

Is that a doctor or is that a coach?

[Shauna Pearson]

That would be a doctor.

[Tamsen]

A specialist.

[Shauna Pearson]

Okay, yeah, it would be a doctor. But, you know, the ADHD self assessment is, you know, trouble keeping your attention on certain things. You misplace things. Like it's a of the surface, it's a lot of the stuff that people joke around about for adhd, but it doesn't talk about the emotional side. And I think that for women with adhd, everything is emotional.

[Tamsen]

Are you seeing more women being diagnosed with ADHD than you ever have before?

[Shauna Pearson]

Yes, thankfully. I would say when I first started doing this work, a lot of the people that came to us, the adults, cause we only work with adults, they came to us because their kids were diagnosed and they're like, oh, my son was diagnosed. And I just realized that I'm very similar to this. Or, you know, like they figured out like where their kid got it from and so that was why they would be diagnosed. But now, thank goodness, because there's a lot more awareness. People are asking questions and I think it's really important if your doctor diagnoses you or if you feel anxious or depressed. But not. I don't mean, like depression depression, where you feel like there's no point. I mean, sadness and difficulty concentrating, like those symptoms. You should also ask for an ADHD assessment proper and see where you fall on that scale. Because otherwise, if you don't ask for it, it's unlikely you'll just get it. Because right now, anxiety and depression self assessments, they're like the default. So that's what you'll get. And they'll mark you off as, you know, moderate to severe anxiety, moderate to severe depression, and here's your medication.

[Tamsen]

And then that's it.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yeah. And then you won't know what is.

[Tamsen]

Happening inside an ADHD brain versus a neurotypical brain.

[Shauna Pearson]

Everything all at once. That's really what it is. It's like the same things are happening, but there's no place to put anything. Even when you know you have to focus on this and not on that. Even when you know that. Because we all know, again, we all know what to do. The thing that you're not supposed to be focusing on is always gonna seep in and kind of overtake everything else. And then you're just. You're not able to regulate.

[Tamsen]

So how do you regulate if a woman is listening to this right now and says, like, okay, I'll go to a specialist. I'll take the assessment. I'll figure that out. But, gosh, I'd like to get through the end of this week because I can't go make that doctor's appointment. So what can I start doing today.

[Shauna Pearson]

To regulate something super easy that everyone can start doing. And I think this is super helpful for me. Number one, I'm a big believer in physical action. My whole coaching program is almost. I say this in the book, but it's more akin to athletic coaching, even though it's not athletic at all, than it is to, like, life coaching. Cause life coaching is like asking yourself, well, what should I do? Or, if I did know the answer, what would I do? And for people with adhd, we cannot know those answers because we have a million different answers based on how much sleep you got the night before. Right? And it's always, is that true?

[Tamsen]

Is it all based on sleep?

[Shauna Pearson]

Not just on sleep, but it's based on everything outside of you. It could be based on what you ate for breakfast. It could be based on what the driver next to you yelled at you on the way to work. It could be based on how Much sleep you got or just how you're feeling about yourself that day. But your answers within are going to change today, from tomorrow, from the next day. They're always gonna be different. And so people who have ADHD have to figure out or I can tell you how to do things that go outside of you. So I love the action of writing by hand, not typing on your phone.

[Tamsen]

Because that's not asking chat.

[Shauna Pearson]

Not asking chat. I mean, you know, there's good things about that too. But if you're in a place and you can't get out of it, I think something that's wonderful to do is just to, to purposefully think about a solution, think about an explanation or solution to whatever it is that you're upset about and write it down with your non dominant hand.

[Tamsen]

Wait, can you explain that?

[Shauna Pearson]

Say that again. So if I'm thinking about a solution to something or an explanation, like that guy cut me off on the highway and I can't get over it because I feel like he disrespected me. And I always feel disrespected and even my family disrespected me. And so you just start going and spiraling and oops. Spiraling. And so you, you know, you could just. Obviously we're all logical people. We're not, you know, we're able to think things through and you realize, well, you know, maybe one out of every, you know, 200 traffic incidents in, you know, in my week, somebody's a jerk, right? So really it's just a numbers game. And so it was my time today to get some jerk to do, to do something. So I would write down, you know, it's just a numbers day game. This is like the one out of 200 driver that did that. And you know, and there's nothing wrong with it, it nothing to do with me.

[Tamsen]

But you're getting it out of you.

[Shauna Pearson]

You're getting it out. But here's the thing.

[Tamsen]

So it doesn't keep.

[Shauna Pearson]

Saying it doesn't keep. But here's the thing. If you write it out with your non dominant hand, so if I try writing with I'm a righty and if I write something down with my left hand, I have to focus so intently on every single letter that I'm writing. And it still looks horrible, right? Like it's barely readable. But while I'm writing this, like it's just, Even if I just wrote down it's just a numbers game. Cause that makes sense to me the way I think. Like numbers. Okay, fine, one out of 200. Okay. Once I've done that with my non dominant hand, I've slowed down purposefully enough that it's completely registered.

[Tamsen]

Wow.

[Shauna Pearson]

If I think about it, it just went boom. It's like doesn't even exist.

[Tamsen]

But you are right about the focus. I mean, I think I always feel better. I think a lot of women feel so much better when they can. Like even as silly as putting focus on your computer, you know, for just a minute sometime to the text messages or whatever it is that's gonna disrupt your day. So that's one solution. There's some other solutions that you can give people listening that wanna just kind of regulate in the moment. Because we do have a lot coming at us, a lot more than we ever have before.

[Shauna Pearson]

We definitely do. And if it's just. If it's something where I think something that's really helpful to do when there's so much coming at us and at the same time there's things that we have to do in a certain time, a lot of us will start to do something and then drift over to the next thing and then the next thing and then the next thing and then you're down like some rabbit hole and it's like six hours later and you didn't even touch what you were supposed to do. So I love this and our clients love this. But if you write down the two things or the three things at the most that you need to do this afternoon, so you write down boom, boom, boom, and then you draw with a very thick line a box around it. And it has to be thick.

[Tamsen]

Cause when it's just a thin.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yeah, if it's just like a thin line, you could kind of like leave the box. But if it's a thick line, it visually shows you like this is an impenetrable wall. And this is what you're focusing on right now. And it's this and only this. And for some reason the box and the walls, it creates a compartment which as I was saying before, we don't compartmentalize very well. And so we are purposefully creating visually and mentally a compartment. And so this is what I'm doing now and this is all I'm doing. But the walls help a lot.

[Tamsen]

That is fascinating. I've never. It's amazing because I will make to do lists till forever.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yeah.

[Tamsen]

And then I'm like, oh, here's another to do list from last Wednesday that never got done right.

[Shauna Pearson]

It had like 50, 60 items on it. That's why Tamsin, I drink water. No but if you only had three things, that's my saying. Keep it to three and you're free.

[Tamsen]

So three is a max.

[Shauna Pearson]

Three is a max.

[Tamsen]

Why is three a max?

[Shauna Pearson]

Cause otherwise the overwhelm just makes us want to escape and we won't do anything or we'll just do the least important things because they're the easiest for us to fall into.

[Tamsen]

Do you think ADHD impacts a woman's confidence?

[Shauna Pearson]

That's what it impacts. Like, first and foremost, you know, it impacts our self esteem and our confidence because again, you've had ADHD since you were born and most women had no idea that they had ADHD when they were kids because back in those days they were not diagnosing girls. So when you were a child, you felt like you were completely out of sync with other people and you didn't know why. And that's the big thing. It's like, why am I having a hard time getting along with people? Why do I not have as many friends as I think I should have? Why do people, like, seem to be annoyed with me all the time? And you're like this child and you don't know why and nobody around you knows why. And your brain is wired completely differently and nobody knows it. So you grew up like that. You grew up feeling like the square peg trying to fit into a round hole and you never could. And it affects your confidence. It affects everything.

[Tamsen]

Why do you think we start to see it or we start to believe we see it in perimenopause and menopause.

[Shauna Pearson]

Years, it's because of the estrogen and the estrogen we start our estrogen lowers naturally. And because of that we have even less dopamine available in our brain. And that's really what ADHD like a big part of ADHD is just not having as much dopamine available. And so you now have less dopamine available to a woman who already has less dopamine available to her brain. So now it's like you're doubling down. You need systems.

[Tamsen]

Is there enough research? Is there research out there? Is there enough of it out there? Because I think midlife has just been overlooked. Then women are overlooked, especially women in perimenopause and menopause years. So where does ADHD come into that?

[Shauna Pearson]

I think that there needs to be so much more research. Like the fact that the anxiety self assessment scales and the depression self assessment scales have so much overlap with ADHD and nobody's talking about it yet is mind blowing to me. It's mind blowing because this is a completely different fix than to help a person who has depression, actually, or anxiety. And a lot of people with ADHD have both, but they're only taking medication or they're only focusing on the anxiety part or the depression part instead of also helping, you know, helping themselves live their life with the adhd. So they're never. It makes things even worse because it's not. They're not able to help themselves the way that they. That. The way that they could and the way that they deserve.

[Tamsen]

Do you have some good tools for women who are struggling in perimenopause? We're dealing with so much during this time, just trying to get the physical part right. Then there's the emotional part that comes into play, and then there's the relationship part that comes. And there's a lot of things that happen during this time. Are there a few good tools that you think make sense for women, especially during this time?

[Shauna Pearson]

Definitely. There's so many. There's so many tools.

[Tamsen]

But can you give us maybe two of them?

[Shauna Pearson]

One of the best things that we can do in this age right now is. And I don't know how people are gonna feel about this, but to increase the amount of dopamine and, you know, in our own ways, using physical state changes is super popular in our company. Our clients love it.

[Tamsen]

What's a physical state change?

[Shauna Pearson]

So you would probably understand it naturally. Cause it's probably what you do anyway. You just don't know it. But when you're feeling overwhelmed or you're feeling sad or just, like, down for any reason, you probably move your body naturally. Like, maybe you'll go for a. Or maybe you'll run or work out or whatever. But a lot of people don't do that. And when you see. Like, when your state's sort of. They're all connected. So your mental state, your physical state, your emotional state, everything is connected. And the way that you change anything is by changing one of them. And the easiest one to change is your physical state. So even if it's. It doesn't have to be exercise, even if it's something. This is a really. This is a scary one. But I love it. If you, like, eat a mint, and right after you eat this really strong mint, you then drink a really cold glass of water. That is a physical state change. You're gonna be like, whoa. Your brain is just like, boom. And then. And you're out of whatever you were in. You know, whatever state you were in that wasn't working for you. You've just woken up your brain. Obviously you could go for a walk and go outside. You can do all those obvious ones I believe in, like music especially. But just going outside of your head is the best thing that we can do as women. I have a saying the best way to get out of your head is to get into your body. And very true. It totally works. And it works for productivity as well as mood management.

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[Tamsen]

What do you think about social media with adhd? Should you limit the use of that or do you need to do something in a different way?

[Shauna Pearson]

I personally don't have social media, which is insane.

[Tamsen]

You don't have social media?

[Shauna Pearson]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Tamsen]

Nothing.

[Shauna Pearson]

I have profiles, but I don't go on them.

[Tamsen]

Why? Because it would be a time suck for you.

[Shauna Pearson]

Kryptonite night for people with adhd. It's so.

[Tamsen]

Like, I'm having a hot flash and adhd, like, I think social.

[Shauna Pearson]

Media is actually beautiful. The fact that we can. The fact that we can learn and share and be with each other no matter where we are, like, this is. It's incredible what we're able to do. It actually is. I believe in the idea of it, but I know myself. And so for me, it would be like if I were a recovering alcoholic and I went to sit in a bar, bar. Like, it's not a good idea. Or if you've been trying to lose weight and get in shape and then you sit yourself in a really great French bakery, like, just don't do it.

[Tamsen]

You know, what does it cause you to do? Just lose track of time.

[Shauna Pearson]

I lose track of my day. Like, I just get lost in it because I'm really interested.

[Tamsen]

Is it a time thing? Is it a comparison thing? Is it a. I think for me it's emotional thing. Not just for everybody.

[Shauna Pearson]

I do for a lot of our clients. Cause we talk about it. Every client has, you know, has issues with their social media. Comparison is really. It's a big one. I know that when I ask our clients, I want you to rate how you feel after spending one hour on your social. How do you feel?

[Tamsen]

What's the answer?

[Shauna Pearson]

You say it's never good. It's never. I feel awesome. I feel like I can do anything. I feel energized. It's always like. Like it's either flat or depleted or sad.

[Tamsen]

I mean, I know what social media does, but I would also think that, like, your brain can really process a lot quickly. So you're.

[Shauna Pearson]

Oh yeah, you're done in like five minutes. You've gotten everybody's story.

[Tamsen]

I Read all Google. You know, I just, I feel like.

[Shauna Pearson]

If you've got incredible discipline, which a lot of people do, you know, limit your time. Give yourself a 20 minute time yourself for 20 minutes and that's when you get your fix. If you know that that doesn't tend to work for you, then like, that's something like, I can't do that. I'm, you know, I just, I just get sucked into people's stories.

[Tamsen]

How does undiagnosed ADHD impact partnerships and parenting?

[Shauna Pearson]

So this book, interestingly enough, I've already known of three men, which is so funny. Cause it's not a lot. I mean, the book hasn't come out yet. So these are all advanced readers, right, who have read it because of their wives and because their wife is going through something. Because their wife is going through something and they don't know what to do. And so, you know, I'll be like, you have to read this book. Just read it. You know, and it gives them all of this insight, I think, in terms of if you have adhd, your partner needs to know. And we have had clients who've kept this a secret from their partner because there's so much stigma, or there used to be stigma. I don't know if there's so much.

[Tamsen]

Is there a shame associated with it?

[Shauna Pearson]

Yeah, because if they're, Especially if you're somebody who always wants to be perfect, now you're telling somebody who you're spending your life with that you're not perfect, that there is something going on with you that's not, you know, that's not amazing. And that's a hard thing because now their husbands, especially if they're going through perimenopause now or menopause, their husbands are at their wit's end. And so, and I'm just seeing this, like, for women who have ADHD and their husbands, there are plenty of men who have ADHD and their wives don't know. So it works both ways. But just to stick with the women, the people in your life need to know in order to understand you and in order to not blame you.

[Tamsen]

If someone's going through that and their partner gets frustrated with them, and maybe they do or they don't, or they don't know they have it. How do you deal with that? How do you teach a partner to deal with somebody who has adhd?

[Shauna Pearson]

Give them the book.

[Tamsen]

Okay?

[Shauna Pearson]

The book has all of the inner. It explains our emotional reality, which is so much bigger than the. I can't manage my time. And it's hard for me to be organized like, that's surface. The emotional reality is everything. It's how we feel all the time. And so when people get that, like, we. In my coaching program, we invite partners to participate every, you know, month and a half or so, like, just. Just so everyone's on the same page, the amount of understanding that the partners have changes. I feel like that changes just as much as the coaching changes the. The ADHD person, because them understanding what's going on is a game changer.

[Tamsen]

So does ADHD impact relationships 100% in.

[Shauna Pearson]

Such a big way? Because when you have ADHD and you're overwhelmed all the time and you're forgetting everything and you've always got this. You know, you have such a hard time managing your emotions, and you lash out or you impulsively do something that your partner wasn't in alignment with.

[Tamsen]

With.

[Shauna Pearson]

So there's the impulsivity, there's the emotion, there's a forgetfulness. There's so many things that impact relationships that, you know, if. If your partner doesn't know you have adhd, you're gonna. You're gonna be faulted.

[Tamsen]

Is there a solution for that to. To help you and also help a partner that's. That's standing by your side through. Through a lot of this? Is there something that somebody can do to, like, really focus?

[Shauna Pearson]

Yes. Yeah. These are like. This is also, like, what I was. What I'm writing about. It's. You know, there's commun. And being able. As an ADHD person, being able to listen to your partner is very challenging. It's challenging to listen because you've got this dialogue that's so loud going through your head all the time. How can you possibly listen to somebody else? I mean, you are, like, amazing at it, but not everyone is. And so just being able to actually zone in on your partner and hearing what they have to say, whether it's a man or a woman, it doesn't matter. You just have to hear them and know what they're saying and know what you are saying to them. Commit to the one thing. Don't make too many commitments. Commit to one thing that you said you were gonna do. Write it down. Put a big wall, a big box around it.

[Tamsen]

Put a wall around it. Just one thing.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yeah, just that. And that's what I'm gonna do. And make it visual. And then you can. It's much easier to stick to your commitments because that's a big one. Is when we break commitments.

[Tamsen]

It's a big one to Break commitments.

[Shauna Pearson]

Huge. Cause when you're doing it constantly and your partner doesn't know that your brain is wired differently like actually is, then they're just gonna think that you don't care, you don't care or I don't matter enough to you or are you just lazy or there's so many things, so many things that we'll hear.

[Tamsen]

What is a good morning routine for somebody with adhd? Because I feel like we want everyone's day to kind of get started and I think when you have too many of these self care things, you get nothing done. Right. Like I feel like sometimes all the wellness things can make you feel unw if you don't, you know, if you have a brain like that or just really anybody. So what is a good morning routine for somebody with adhd?

[Shauna Pearson]

I love this thing that I call mood scheduling, which is it works for a lot of us and it's really the opposite of what a lot of morning routines are. Cause a lot of morning routines are about centering and grounding and doing all the things we're supposed to be doing. When you have an everything all at once right now brain, it's also a good idea to know when your most productive times are. So for a lot of us it's actually at the beginning of the day. And so that's the part of the day or the time of the day that we're doing a lot of self care. However, for a woman with adhd, it's also a really good idea to knock out one of your higher, I guess, like, I would say like not high priority but one of your tougher tasks at the beginning of the day when your brain is most on. So if the beginning of the day is a good time for you and according to your circadian age rhythm, because it's not like that for everyone. But if it is, you want to knock something out earlier rather than later and maybe do the self care after that.

[Tamsen]

Are women with ADHD or suspect they have ADHD doubted because a lot of people think that they have it right now or because it's being talked about quite a bit?

[Shauna Pearson]

I don't think so. I don't think they're doubted that they have ADHD if they've actually been diagnosed. I hear a lot of people saying I feel so adhd and that's a big one. And it kind of to me, honest, I mean I just jokingly it's good for business. Okay. When sure when the whole world thinks that they have adhd. But the fact is a Lot of people who feel like they have ADHD don't have adhd. Some of them definitely do. And they just feel like they're really, you know, scattered or it's a very chaotic time. The people that are saying this are also lightening the ADHD because they're just saying, like, I'm so all over the place and I'm super forgetting. But it minimizes the emotional part of what ADHD is, which is, I feel it's the biggest part. It's the biggest part. It literally takes us out. We can't move, we're paralyzed. We feel like it's like you're like a house deck of cards and everything is stacked so perfectly and any second the whole thing is just gonna fall apart. That's how we feel every moment of the day. And we're just, on the surface, we're.

[Tamsen]

Just holding it all up.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yeah. And it's not about, I can't be on time. It's so much heavier than that. And I feel like really people need to understand that and not minimize it. And if people say they have adhd, it's not light. It's not like a light and fluffy thing. I also want to say it is certainly not a superpower. It's not.

[Tamsen]

I wanted to ask you about that. I know. I've heard a lot of people say that ADHD is a superpower.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yeah.

[Tamsen]

There are some positives to ADHD for sure.

[Shauna Pearson]

The hyper focus. If you're hyper focused on the right things, that's an amazing thing to be able to do, is that you can just stay glued into whatever you're doing. If you enjoy doing it, it's no problem for us.

[Tamsen]

What are some of the other positives?

[Shauna Pearson]

ADHD specific. We tend to, as a group, be a little bit more enthusiastic and open to trying new things. It's been said that we tend to think more outside the box. Between you and I feel like our clients are both sides of. Are on every spectrum of the creativity spectrum. I have a lot of clients who are super creative and think way outside the box. I have clients that are very like, they're like bookkeepers and accountants and numbers are their game and they're not thinking outside the box, which is great for them. They don't wanna be outside the box.

[Tamsen]

We can't just say this is the diagnosis of somebody with ADHD and they' all like this.

[Shauna Pearson]

Honestly, the positives, in my opinion, are that we're very good at hyper focusing when we're interested in something and that can carry you pretty Far in life, if you find yourself in something that you love.

[Tamsen]

You wrote a chapter in invisible ADHD titled ADHD Medication Management. Pills don't teach skills. How do you feel about medication?

[Shauna Pearson]

I think medication is a lifesaver for many people, and I have nothing bad to say about medication at all. That said, you have to make sure you're on the correct medication, because there's a lot of different medications for adhd. And I also have noticed a lot of our clients come to us on these dosages that are extremely high. And I'm sensitive to that because when I was first diagnosed with adhd, I was put on a medium, low, medium dose of a common medication. And I thought I was about to lose my mind because, I don't know, I was just like, I couldn't do anything. I mention it in my book. I was so focused on the most irrelevant things. And so it's interesting because the ADHD medication, when it's a stimulant, which most of them are, it does help you focus. It does. That's a good thing. It doesn't help you focus on the right things, though.

[Tamsen]

Oh, it just helps you focus.

[Shauna Pearson]

It just helps you focus.

[Tamsen]

Your box. What is your box called?

[Shauna Pearson]

Well, I just call it break it into boxes, where you take things and you put it in a very thick walled box.

[Tamsen]

Right, right, right.

[Shauna Pearson]

But, you know, if you can focus, it's great, but if you're focused on your Twitter feed for six hours straight, it's not great. And so you have to then have the tools and the skills.

[Tamsen]

Exercise, meditation, routines. Are those all essential if you're diagnosed with ADHD or you think you might have adhd?

[Shauna Pearson]

I feel routines, definitely. I think you need to have, like, categories and times to do things so that you. You don't fall into a billion rabbit holes.

[Tamsen]

Yes.

[Shauna Pearson]

I personally am a huge believer in physical activity. It makes me feel amazing. And meditation is something I am horrible at. When I wrote about it in my.

[Tamsen]

Book about, I'm with you, A random.

[Shauna Pearson]

Trip to India, and I was, like, trying so hard to learn how to meditate, and I just. I was terrible at it. But I did a lot of. And that's what I guess they call moving meditation. And that was my thing. I was, like, running and climbing and moving, and my mind would just quiet.

[Tamsen]

Why invisible adhd?

[Shauna Pearson]

There's two reasons why invisible. Number one, the female symptoms of ADHD are not noticeable. They're just. They're a lot less noticeable. You can't see. You can see when a person is like, Fidgeting nonstop or like unable to make eye contact and like just like constantly distracted by, around them, you can see that. But a woman who's overwhelmed and is just sitting there like daydreaming, you can't see it. So our symptoms are invisible. We tend to feel invisible because we're living in a world that's wired for neurotypical people and we're not. And we can't tell whether you know what's wrong with us or we don't know what's wrong with us. And so, so the symptoms are invisible, but we're invisible. Like the amount of women, especially with these self assessment diagnoses that are living with this wiring of a brain and have no idea we're invisible women with adhd. And I hope, I hope in the next few years we can bring a lot of light to it. And really people need to get the, the help that they need to get because it is like this is my whole thing. And after working and managing our coaching company for so many years, I know for a fact that the right skills totally turn people's lives around.

[Tamsen]

What are those right skills? Are those routines?

[Shauna Pearson]

The routines, a lot of the tools that I put in here, but they're not all going to work for everyone. But some of them definitely will. But just there's ways to slow down your brain so that you're able to focus on what you need to focus on, whatever that happens to be. There's ways to slow down. It's really, you know, just controlling your runaway brain. Right? There's ways to be able to communicate in ways where you can tell that you understand what they're saying and they can tell that they can understand what you are saying. And so it's much, much more understanding rather than constantly feeling misunderstood, which is a big thing for people who have adhd.

[Tamsen]

If there's somebody listening right now and says, that's what I feel like, that I feel like everything she's saying, what should they do?

[Shauna Pearson]

ADHDCoaching.com will help you. However I want to say, and this is super obvious, you have to get this book. You have to, because nobody's going to read the book and not get anything out of it. That's impossible.

[Tamsen]

Should you go to a therapist or a doctor?

[Shauna Pearson]

You can get a doctor to diagnose you properly. Don't. The self assessment, if you even are able to have the ADHD self assessment questionnaire, that'll help you know whether you should go get a real diagnosis. And if that's the case, please Go to an ADHD specialist and somebody hopefully who understands women's ADHD because it shows up so differently than men's, which is why, you know, the ADHD self assessment even is very productivity based and it's not very emotional based. But just know that you need to go to a specialist and figure out what's going on with you.

[Tamsen]

We asked on social media for some questions for you and we got flooded with questions. Oh my goodness. I just want to read a few of them.

[Shauna Pearson]

Let's do it.

[Tamsen]

This is from Instagram. Jenny asks, what is a reset refocus tool? I can try. No meds, no pills, just a mental tool.

[Shauna Pearson]

There's so many mental tools to get back on track. Please try a physical state change. So just get off your butt because a lot of us are doing everything that we need to do sitting either at a computer or on our phone. Stay, stand up, put on your favorite song, whatever it happens to be in that moment and just like move around to that song and get back onto whatever you are doing.

[Tamsen]

Meg from Instagram. I was diagnosed with ADHD before perimenopause. I do play the game daily. Is it ADHD or menopause? I take both HRT and ADHD meds. I am doing better on both. Some days are tough and sometimes it's hard to tell if it's menopause or if it's ADHD at the spot point. I think that's a question. A lot of women have so many.

[Shauna Pearson]

Because it's really, it's almost the same thing. It's if your dopamine, if your estrogen is lower and your dopamine is lower, that is the, it's almost like women in menopause are like, are like, I don't want to say are like a woman with ADHD before menopause because they have lower dopamine. Like a woman in menopause is going to have less dopamine. Right. That's kind of like how women with ADHD feel all the time. That's what we're dealing with all the time. But I don't want to like say that it's the same because it's not the same. But whether it's ADHD or menopause, if you're treating both, then you don't. Then it, then that's what you need to do. Then she's doing it, she's treating both of them. And then why does it matter if it's this or that if you're treating them both, if you still feel like you're super disorganized or you're having a hard time regulating your emotions. Tools and methods, including some of the things that we just spoke about today, are gonna help you regardless of whether it's ADHD or menopause.

[Tamsen]

So it doesn't matter if it's ADHD or menopause if you're getting help for both. Now you have to figure out those reset tools.

[Shauna Pearson]

Exactly. The reset tools will work regardless of your diagnosis.

[Tamsen]

Sarah said to us, why can I plan everything perfectly but never follow through? Is that adhd?

[Shauna Pearson]

It could be adhd, that is for sure. That's a big one. Planning is easy. Following through is the more overwhelming it is. And you don't necessarily know exactly what to do when. And that's where you get stuck.

[Tamsen]

I think what you've said, that's really. That's really hitting home for me, is that everything seems urgent.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yes.

[Tamsen]

Everything seems like it needed to happen yesterday.

[Shauna Pearson]

Exactly. Or last week. Or like, you're behind no matter what.

[Tamsen]

You're behind. I'm always behind.

[Shauna Pearson]

You're always behind.

[Tamsen]

Yes.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yeah. And you're constantly running, and it's like. It's literally the quicksand dream.

[Tamsen]

Can you tell people that are not always behind?

[Shauna Pearson]

Oh, my gosh. You are there. Where's the end go? Goal. Like, where are you trying to get to? That's a big one. That's something that everyone should write down. Like, what am I behind on? Exactly. Why do I feel like I'm running behind? Where am I going?

[Tamsen]

That's so true. That's so true.

[Shauna Pearson]

Because we get caught up in all of these things. We're running in place to refocus. Where are we going anyway? Do you know where we're going? I don't know where we're going. Okay, well, maybe we should stop and get a smoothie. I don't know.

[Tamsen]

Or keep running. Shauna, you're not on social media, so we're gonna give you some rapid fire that we see a lot on social media. Okay, good.

[Shauna Pearson]

Bring it on.

[Tamsen]

ADHD medication fixes everything.

[Shauna Pearson]

No, it helps you focus. It doesn't help you focus on the right things.

[Tamsen]

If your mom has adhd, you probably do too.

[Shauna Pearson]

Not necessarily, but somebody in your family closely related to you might have it.

[Tamsen]

Genetic.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yes.

[Tamsen]

Everyone that has ADHD is lazy and unmotivated.

[Shauna Pearson]

Definitely not.

[Tamsen]

ADHD is caused by too much screen time.

[Shauna Pearson]

No, ADHD is something you are born with.

[Tamsen]

ADHD is a superpower. You just have to unlock it.

[Shauna Pearson]

I don't believe ADHD is a superpower. I believe it's extremely hard when people.

[Tamsen]

Have adhd, but there are some positives.

[Shauna Pearson]

The positives are hyper focused. That's an amazing thing to be able to do.

[Tamsen]

People with ADHD are more sensitive to rejection.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yes. In general, we are definitely more sensitive to rejection. It takes over all of us.

[Tamsen]

How long and how do you get rid of it?

[Shauna Pearson]

You have to be a lot more objective and get out of your. Try to get out of your head and look at what's happening objectively rather than subjectively.

[Tamsen]

People with ADHD often interact, interrupt others.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yes. The volume in our own mind of what we're wanting to say is extremely loud.

[Tamsen]

People with ADHD always procrastinate.

[Shauna Pearson]

We do not always procrastinate, but we do tend to procrastinate because of the overwhelm.

[Tamsen]

People with ADHD have hard time making decisions.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yes. Because every option is awesome or horrible, like everything.

[Tamsen]

You just diagnosed me.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yeah.

[Tamsen]

If you can hyperfocus, you can't have adhd.

[Shauna Pearson]

Incorrect.

[Tamsen]

Women with ADHD are more likely to struggle in relationships.

[Shauna Pearson]

Yes, absolutely. Divorce rate is higher for women who have adhd.

[Tamsen]

Is that women and men or whoever.

[Shauna Pearson]

Has it or it's women and men. We have a hard. There's so many reasons why we have a hard time in relationships just because of emotional regulation, communication, but also commitment. It's tough because the grass is really always greener, because you're constantly looking at every option.

[Tamsen]

You don't need a diagnosis, just self worth.

[Shauna Pearson]

I believe a diagnosis is very helpful.

[Tamsen]

If you were successful in school, you don't have adhd.

[Shauna Pearson]

Incorrect. We've had so many clients be told by their doctors they don't have adhd, when in fact they do just because they were doing well in school.

[Tamsen]

Everyone has a little adhd. It's just modern life.

[Shauna Pearson]

Incorrect. ADHD is not chaos or disorganization. It's a lifelong condition.

[Tamsen]

Planners don't work for people with adhd.

[Shauna Pearson]

Incorrect. Planners are great. I love planners.

[Tamsen]

If you use it, you need to make a planner. Yeah. Oh, Shana, thank you so much. You're so welcome. You're wonderful. If you're walking away from this episode thinking, wait a minute, that totally sounds like me. You're not alone. You're not broken and you're not lazy. You're most likely underserved, misunderstood, and overdue for support. If this conversation helped you out, share it with a friend. Subscribe, follow, leave us a review and follow us on Social at the Tamsen Show. If you have a topic you'd like us to My email's in the show Notes. Thank you for being here and I'll see you next Wednesday. So today's episode is sponsored by MIDI Health. If you are ready to feel your best and write your second act script, visit joinmitty.com today to book your personalized insurance covered virtual visit. That's joinmitty.com MIDI the care that Women.

[Podcast Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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