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Starting something new is terrifying. I remember sitting there thinking what if nobody listens to my podcast? What if I put everything into this and it doesn't work? Doubt is real, but I made the leap anyway and I'm so glad I did. And I'll tell you this, having the right tools behind you makes all the difference. That's exactly what Shopify does. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses and 10% of all E commerce in the US from massive household names to brands. Just getting started and you get hundreds of ready to use templates to build a store that actually looks like you, their AI tools write your product descriptions, polish your headlines and even enhance your product photography. You can run email and social media campaigns right from the platform. And by the way, if you get stuck, they have award winning 24 hour customer support that has you covered. Everything you need to launch and grow inventory, payments, analytics. It's all in one place. It's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com Tamsen go to shopify.com Tamsen that's shopify.com Tamsen today's podcast is sponsored by Midi Health. So many women tell me the same thing. They finally speak up about brain fog, exhaustion or anxiety and they're brushed off or told it's just stress or age. That kind of dismissal makes you question your own body. Mittie changes that by offering expert insurance covered virtual care that actually understands midlife and treats women like they matter. Ready to feel your best and write your second act script? Visit joinmitty.comtamsen today to book your personalized insurance covered virtual visit. That's joinmitty.com Tamsen Mitty the care Women Deserve. I want to make a promise to you right now. By the end of this episode, you're going to understand something that nobody told you. And then once you do, nothing about the last few years is going to feel random anymore. Hey there, I'm Tamsyn. Welcome back to the Tamsyn show and if you are new here, I am so glad you found this one. So here's where I want to start. I was so freaking lost when I was going through perimenopause I cannot begin to tell you. And here's the thing. Nobody was talking about it back then. There was no TikTok full of women going through the same thing. No doctors proactively explaining what was going on. There was nothing. Silence. I actually skipped over perimenopause completely without knowing it. I mean, I had all the symptoms, but I had no idea what was going on. And then one day, I checked my patient portal after I'd had a whole bunch of weird things happening, and there it was. There were four words by my doctor in menopause. Any questions? That was it. That was my notification that I was in menopause. There wasn't a call. There wasn't a conversation. There were four words in my patient portal. And I remember where I was at the time. I was standing at the airport in Tampa with Ira, and I looked at this patient portal, and I was like, oh, my gosh, are you kidding me? How could that be? What came though before those four words and years was a lot of hell. My hair was falling out, breaking off. It was really dry. I was anxious and had anxiety in a way I had never felt it before, especially at work, which was really weird because I felt like I had confidence. And then the confidence which I had worked so hard to build was gone. I just didn't feel like myself. And I kept thinking, what in the world is happening to me? What is wrong? And why doesn't anyone seem to have an answer? Okay, I wanna tell you guys a quick story. I was going through my filing cabinet, which some of you still know what that is, and I ran across this piece of paper from the doctor's office. And you know when you, like, leave, and it's got, like, the little check marks of, I don't know, whatever the reason you went in there and then, you know, anything they found. So I hadn't seen this in a long time. And it was, like, probably in my mid-40s. And there were two things on there. Patient complaining of weight gain and feeling anxious. And I looked at that and I was like, oh, my gosh, this was happening for such a long time before I understood what was going on. And I remember it really well, because I remember I was getting up in the morning, working out really early, drinking my protein shake, eating, like, perfect, and I kept gaining weight, and I could not figure it out. And. And no one, no, even in that. Even in that diagnosis or whatever that was, mentioned the word perimenopause. And I do wanna say this, too. I have endometrium polyps. And so for years I was getting those removed. And still, even in the course of that, never had this conversation. So I get it. And honestly, the loneliest part, it wasn't the symptoms. It was not knowing that any of it was connected. It was going doctor to doctor. And I did. I Went to an endocrinologist. I went to an OB gyn. I went. I. I talked to a therap therapist about it. And then I was told my blood work was fine. It felt like I was falling apart in slow motion and nobody could see it, including me. And I didn't even know I was falling apart. That kind of lonely when you're just really struggling like that and the world just kind of looks at you like you're being dramatic. There isn't even a word for it. If you're listening to this episode right now and any of this sounds familiar, even one sentence of it, I want you to know you're not alone. You are not being dramatic. Nobody told me what to expect either. And that's why it really has become my mission to make sure you don't go through what I and millions of women have gone through without the information that you need. It's why I wrote my book, how to Menopause. It's why every single week, I bring the world's leading doctors and researchers right here onto this show so you get real answers straight from the people who actually have those answers. You deserve it and you have always deserved it. So I just want you to know that. So I'm gonna start with something today that I actually started on years ago on TikTok. I wanna read you this list. And this is not a list I had back then. I had found this list. This is from my book, how to Menopause. This came out last year. It's one year old. Some of you have gotten a copy of this book. Cause I wanted to say thank you to you for listening. But I wanna read in this 34 common symptoms of menopause. So if you do have the book, it's on page 40. But this is a list of symptoms that can be connected to this hormonal shift that we're all going through and could be happening in your body. So I want you to count how many of these you recognize. Ready for this? Acne, allergies, anxiety, bloating and constipation. Body odor. And this one is really weird. It's not like I was sweating after a run. It was like. It's a weird body odor. Breast soreness, brittle nails, cholesterol changes, depression, difficulty concentrating, which was a huge one for me. And sometimes these changes with that one are so severe they mimic adhd, dizzy spells, fatigue, gum problems, hair loss, which we've talked about a lot on this show. Headaches or migraines, heart palpitations, hot flashes, irregular periods, Irritability, also known as rage. Itchy skin, joint and muscle pain, frozen shoulder, libido changes, loss of breastfulness, memory lapses, mood swings, nausea, night sweats, osteopenia or osteoporosis. Pain during sex, panic disorder, sleep issues, urinary incontinence, vaginal dryness, weight gain. And then there's, like, some super weird ones that I called the bonus round in here. They're, like, odd but not uncommon. Burning mouth, electric shock sensation, which you can feel kind of under your skin when your skin's pulsating, or itchy ears. So how many of those did you recognize from that list? Or you're like, yeah, tams, I have 10. I. I don't know 10 of those. Here's what I want you to understand. You may be treating all those, like, separate problems, like Googling each one, seeing different doctors for different symptoms, maybe even wondering if you're just falling apart. I want to assure you you're not. You have one problem. The hair, the anxiety, the bloating, the rage, the sleep, the joint pain. They are probably all connected to the same conversation, the same hormonal shift that we're all going to go through if we're lucky enough. And nobody may have put that together for you yet. Maybe your doctor didn't put it together for you. I know mine certainly didn't. Here's the other thing. It's not your doctor's fault. The medical system was not built around this transition. And I say that over and over again because a lot of the doctors you hear on this show have become friends of mine. And they'll admit to you, they'll be the first to admit that they didn't get trained in medical school for this. For a long time, the information that could help you was either buried, distorted, or just never handed to you. And that changes now. Oh, gosh, I love this time of year. There is something about this time of year where I just want to move. I want to walk, I want to get outside. I want to just get in motion. Long walks, workouts, being outside again. It makes me rethink the basics I'm wearing every day. I've been getting back into my lifting workouts and bomba sports. Socks have been such a game changer. They're cushioned where you need them. They stay in place. And. And I'm not distracted, like, adjusting everything all the time. I can just focus on moving. And, you know, I love my morning walks. And you know what happens when I put my boots back in the closet? Then I'm all about comfortable footwear. Bombas has warm weather footwear and it's back in rotation. It's lightweight, supportive and perfect for travel days or for just running out the door, especially when it comes to their sandals. Even their basics, though, has surprised me overall. The tees, the underwear, they're soft, they're breathable, and and they just feel like an upgrade from what I was wearing before. This is also a part that really matters to me. For every item you purchase, an essential clothing item is donated to someone facing housing insecurity. One purchased, one donated. With over 150 million donations and counting, that is pretty amazing to me. Head over to bombas.com tamsen and use code TAMSEN for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B A S.com TAMSA code TAMSEN@ checkout let's talk a little bit about what spring means. Spring means more photos, more events, more moments where your glasses are front and center. Yeah, I realize I've been wearing the same frames for way too long. Warby Parker completely changed how I think about buying glasses. The virtual try on. Oh my gosh, it's so easy. It lets you see exactly how frames look on your face from your phone and it actually works. Which is more than I can say for every brand that has tried it. I got my current pair before Ira and I went away, and the compliments haven't stopped. Prescription glasses starting at $95. Contacts, sunglasses, online eye exams, over 300 stores nationwide. Quality and price. It's not even close. It is a perfect time to upgrade your glasses for spring. Buy one prescription pair and get 20% off any additional prescription pairs@warbyparker.com Tamsen that's 20% off additional prescription pairs. Or when you go to w a r-by parker.com Tamsen Again, I've sat down with some of the top experts in the world on this podcast. They blow me away. I've interviewed so many of them for my book. I interview them for the documentaries I have, and I've tried everything myself. I'm your guinea pig. Kind of. I really am. And today I want to break down the advice that I wish I had during this time. The things that nobody told me. I didn't have a big sister and my mom died early, so I didn't have her who could maybe have walked me through that or sat down with me and talked about it. And I don't want that to be your story. So these are the five things I wish I knew and I'm Gonna end with something that took me years to unlearn. And once I tell you, you're gonna understand why I've been so frustrated by this. So stay with me. The first thing, number one, I wish I knew. The belly fat was not my fault. And I have to start with that one because that's. I think that's what I sort of noticed the first. Belly fat and bloating. Every time I ate, I felt like crap. I'm starting there because I spent years blaming myself for both those things. And I was blaming the wrong thing entirely before any of it. I could pretty much eat whatever I wanted. I'd go have Mexican food after I got off the news at 11 o' clock at night. Didn't care, wasn't worried about it. Marguerite, whatever it is, then go to sleep. I cannot tell you genuinely when things change. Foods that I had been eating my whole life started making me feel terrible. Like, bloated all the time. My stomach was off. I would, like, try to suck it in and, like, look to the side and, like, see it, like, just awful. I did what you probably did. I started eliminating things. Gluten, dairy. A whole phase I'm not gonna get into because it was a lot. Nothing worked. Here's what I finally figured out. Estrogen directly affects your gut microbiome, the trillions of bacteria running your digestion, your mood, your immune system, all of it. So picture it like you're like you're losing a manager right when estrogen shifts, the whole operation starts going to hell. The bloating is not random. The belly fat is not your fault. It's biology. When you fix your gut, though, you don't just fix the bloating. So here's a framework that I'm using nowadays that I learned from my dear friend Dr. Amy Shaw. She sat down with me here for almost an hour talking about this called the 30, 33. 30 grams of protein in your first meal of the day, 30 grams of fiber throughout the day. 95% of us are nowhere near this. I have a tough time with it, I'm telling you, but I work really hard at it. And then this is the part that was new to me and it's really been helpful. Three probiotic foods every single day. So for me personally, I love yogurt. I'll eat sauerkraut, and I like probiotic cottage cheese. But whatever you can do to get probiotic foods in there, here's the part I need you to hear. Do not restrict. Because what I did when I started noticing the Belly fat is. I went back to what was working in my 20s and made everything worse. Less food restriction. That was not the answer. The right food is the answer. So I'd love to hear from you, even if you try it for three days and let me know what happens, because I will tell you, that episode when I sat down with Dr. Amy Shaw Kim changed everything. When I started looking at food a different way. I've also interviewed a lot of different experts on this show, and I'm gonna link all of them in the show notes so you have those resources at hand. Let's go to number two. I wish I knew that all my relationships are going to change. This one does not make the wellness content. And that's a real problem because you can do everything right and still get blindsided by what perimenopause does to the people around you. Perimenopause changes what you tolerate or what you're willing to tolerate, what you no longer pretend is fine. Things that maybe you managed for years and suddenly you're like, I'm not doing it anymore. It's impossible. You know, I included relationships in a large portion of the book. Like, you know, the first half of the book is really about these changes you're going through medically and, you know, solutions for them. And then I really wanted to focus on relationships because friendships changed and relationships and partnerships changed in just. Just my own mindset. I went through my divorce in my 40s in the middle of all of this, and I had no idea I was going through a lot of it. I had no idea the shifts that were going on. But I know this, the things that I refused to tolerate then were immense. I just had no idea. I thought something was wrong with me. But now that I look back at it, I'm like, oh, those shifts were like, very, very important and I can't ignore them. My friendship shifted too. Not all of them, but some of them. Things that drained me. I stopped tolerating, you know, my need for people to show up got a lot louder and, and had to pay attention to those things. And I will tell you this, and I've said it a couple of different times, I had no idea before this time in my life what actual community meant. Right. So once I started moving into this phase and talking about all these things and having this group of women around me, I really understood community. It was. It was mind boggling to me. And you've listened to a lot of the people on this show. You know, Stacy London and I talked about it. We. She Was one of the very first people I talked to about menopause and menopause. And we just showed up differently as we got older. So, anyway, it's just something I want you to keep in mind and not think that it's just you. All right. Thing number three. I wish I knew I wasn't losing my mind. There was a version of myself. Even when I look back at pictures of myself in perimenopause that I do not recognize. I was snapping at people I loved. I overreacted to stuff that did not even deserve any little bit of that. And I was just kind of on the outside looking in. And then on top of all that, brain fog was happening. I was live on television every day, trying to, like, you know, really show up for my career. And I'd lose a word mid sentence. I'd go into a meeting and forget what I was talking about. I would smile and keep going. But inside, I was terrified. Over a couple times, I went into the bathroom and I was like, oh, my gosh. Can't remember word. You know, Word left my mind. I know the word. I was, like, looking up dementia. Here's what I want you to know. I was not alone during this. I've talked to so many women over the years that did the same exact thing. Your brain is responding to a hormonal shift that no one warned you about. The psychological symptoms hit before the physical ones. And that kind of blew me away. That means anxiety. That means possible depression. That means that irritability I was talking about or the rage you. Those things peak in women in their early 40s way before hot flashes that everyone talks about. In fact, that's all anyone ever talks about. If you're in your late 30s or 40s and you suddenly feel like you can't regulate the way you used to, and no one's connected that to your hormones, now you know. I also want you to know this. There's been research on more than 6 million women that found starting estrogen within 10 years of menopause could reduce the risk of Alzheimer's disease by up to 32%. I think those numbers are staggering. I know we have lots more research to do. I know some of the doctors who have been in the show are actually doing that research. I had an episode with Dr. Lisa Moscone. She blows me away. She is in the middle of doing all of this research, talking about that brain fog, helping all of us feel like we're not being dismissed, Helping all of us understand that your brain is telling you it needs support. It's not just a quality of life issue. This is an issue for how you're going to live the next 30 to 40 years. So I beg of you this. You have vocabulary for it now, but don't laugh it off. Stop accepting. You know they gave me antidepressants and that's it because that's what they did to me. Maybe you need those and that's just fine. But it could also be what is going on with your hormones and you deserve real answers. And if you don't know how to talk to your doctor about this, we can always get into that. And we've talked about it a lot on the show. I even have a free downloadable for you with a script. I've got a script in the book too, because it's really important for me that you do not feel intimidated when you go into your doctor's office to talk about this. Take the exit, turn right into the drive thru. Nope. I'm making dinner tonight. You don't have time. Josh has practice. Oh, that's right. I'll just get a salad and fries. No, just the salad. But salad cancels. Fries. Salad only. Fries. Salad fries. Food noise isn't fair, but Mochi Health is the affordable GLP one source that puts you on the road to successful weight loss. Hey, can I get the fries? Salad? Sorry. Learn more@joinmochi.com Mochi members have access to licensed physicians and nutritionists. Results may vary. This episode is brought to you by IQ Bar, our exclusive snack, hydration and coffee sponsor. IQ Protein Bars, IQ Mix Hydration Mixes and IQ Joe Mushroom Coffees. They're basically delicious, low sugar brain and body fuel you need to win your day. I start every morning with IQ Joe. I keep an IQ Bar in my bag and in the studio for that mid afternoon moment and I reach for IQ Mix after my morning workout. It fits into my day without any effort at all and everything is clean label certified free from gluten, dairy, soy and artificial ingredients. Plus they're packed with Lion's Maid and Magnesium. With over 20,000 5 star reviews and counting, more people than ever are fueling their busy lifestyles with IQ Bars, Brain and Body Bar Boosting bars, their hydration mixes and their mushroom coffees. Here's what I like the Ultimate Sampler pack includes all three. And right now IQ Bar is offering our special podcast listeners 20 off of all IQ Bar products including the Ultimate Sampler Pack plus free shipping. To get your 20% off, text TAMSON to 64,000 text TAMSON to 64,000. That's TAMSON to 64,000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details. Thing number four, I wish I knew. To get my butt in the weight room, I was going to the gym. I was taking Pilates, I was taking yoga. I was working hard. I was on the treadmill. I wasn't really focused on building muscle. Like, I'd done it when I was a little bit younger because I liked the weights, but I wasn't really trying to build muscle. I wasn't even thinking about it. And I think in the back of my head, I had somewhere, oh, if you lift heavy weights, you're gonna. You're gonna get too big. Well, that's all wrong. After 30 years old, we lose 5 to 8% of our muscle mass per decade. Quietly, very slowly. It doesn't happen all in one day. But here's what I didn't understand. Muscle isn't just about how you look. It controls your insulin sensitivity, which then controls your metabolism and your energy and your digestion and your brain. So that belly fat I was talking about earlier, that was making me feel like I was going crazy, largely because it's a muscle problem before it's a diet problem. So I've really been focusing on this, and if you're following me on social media, you know that's one of the big things, because I lost some muscle and freaked out about it. To actually build muscle, you have to train close to failure. That's what a lot of the experts have talked about in this show. Meaning your last reps have to be genuinely hard, not uncomfortable, not so you hurt yourself, but they need to be hard. So I was working out for years, and I was getting the wrong results. Here is what I've found that's working for me these days. I do three days a week compound movements. So that means squats, that means hinges, that means presses, rows. And by the way, if you have a few weights, you can do this in your bedroom if you want to. The last two reps of every set should feel like you might not make it. Plus, you've got to eat enough protein, and you've got to give each muscle group 48 hours to recover, period. So build a muscle, not for the mirror. Even though I think you're gonna like what you see in the mirror, too. Thing number five. I wish I knew I had more options. For 20 years, we were lost and kind of alone. In 2002, a study called the Women's Health Initiative ran on every news outlet with one headline. Hormone therapy causes Increased risk of breast cancer. Women stopped taking it literally overnight. I talked to doctors who were practicing at the time that said usage dropped from, like, 40% to 4%. Some crazy numbers. Women were calling their offices, saying, I'm flushing this down the toilet. What did you give me? I can't believe it. And over 20 years, generation after generation went without treatment that could have helped them because of a study that was fundamentally misrepresented. The average age of the women in that study, 63 years old. Not perimenopausal women who are in their 40s and 50s. And what never made the headlines is the fact that women in that same study who took estrogen only actually had a 23% decrease in breast cancer incidence. That was the data. That was just not the story anybody ran. So I'm telling you all this because I want you to understand where the fear came from. It didn't come from nowhere. It didn't come from like, we made it up. It came because it was handed to us. And it kept a lot of women all over the world, including me, from accessing tools that could have genuinely helped us, or so we could have at least understood what was going on. I wish I had started hormone therapy earlier. First, I didn't even know it was an option. And then when I found out it was, I was genuinely scared. That breast cancer headline had obviously been living in my head for years, and I couldn't shake it, especially after losing my mom to breast cancer. So I waited, and I wish I hadn't, because here's what I really understand now, that I didn't before. I was suffering through symptoms that were treatable. I was losing bone density that was preventable. My brain fog and my mood and my sleep were getting worse and worse. And there were real tools available to me, and I didn't use them because I was afraid of the wrong thing. Today I'm on estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. And I want to talk to you also about testosterone for a second, because it almost never comes up in the first conversation where I actually think it should. Women have testosterone. Testosterone affects your brain, your energy, your mood, your muscle, not just your libido, which is why it always gets dismissed. It has made me feel extremely, extremely different. And we've had enough doctors talk about it. Halle Berry came on the show and talked openly about being on testosterone. And she said something I think about all the time. We need to stop being scared of the tools that are available to us. And she is right. Now, I have to say this because this part really matters. This is not a one size fits all. This is not. Oh my gosh. That's the answer. If you have a history of certain hormone sensitive cancers, heart disease, liver disease, you need to have real conversations with your doctor. I'm not telling you what to do. I'm not a doctor. I'm telling you what the science actually says and what research has shown so you can have an informed conversation. And I'm telling you why I do it. And I want you to understand this. If your doctor has dismissed your symptoms, never said a word about perimenopause, handed you some solution, some one off solution, without asking about your cycle, or never brought up the hormone conversation, you need to find a different doctor. I was talking to a friend of mine recently who was on her way to the doctor and she said, I just feel like they're just not going to listen and they're going to roll their eyes. You're allowed to get rid of your doctor. You're allowed to fire your doctor. You're not being difficult. You're refusing to accept care that is not serving you. So I want to make sure you feel good about everything. I'm going to link the resources in the show notes and give you a directory of certified practitioners for you in your area as well as telehealth options. Because it is that important to me that you feel good. Because you have a long time to live and we want to make sure you do it healthy. All right, so five things. Your gut, your muscle, your brain, your relationships and your hormones. And I want to go back to the symptom list for just a second because remember how many symptoms you counted. I want you to hold on to that number. I don't care if it's 3 or 8 or 12 or 6, because every single one of those symptoms is part of the same conversation. And now you're in the conversation with real information. Maybe, maybe for the first time. If you're sitting there right now going, I wish I had known this Tamsyn five years ago, I know, I get it. But it is not too late to have a conversation with a provider that is listening. And by the way, if today made you a little fired up, which I get very fired up about it, I hope it helps you ask better questions, find a doctor that you trust that you can be partnered with and stop accepting feeling fine. Because that's not enough if you wanna go deeper on everything we covered today. Again, my book, how to Menopause has all of it. And by the way, when you buy it now. I also put together a free downloadable workbook with every framework from this episode so it's a little bit easier. Link is in the show notes. You can download it off the website. Super easy. And please, if you can share this episode, text it to the woman in your life who's been walking around with that list of symptoms and treating it like each one's a separate problem because maybe she needs this. And sharing it just takes like two seconds. So you're not broken. You're not alone. You're not going crazy. You're maybe just missing that information that no one talked about. Anyway, I'm so glad you're here. I believe in you and I can't wait to see you next time on the Tamsen Show.
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