Podcast Summary: The Tamsen Show
Episode: “Ready to Start Dating Again? This Is the Advice I Wish I Had”
Host: Tamsen Fadal
Date: March 30, 2026
Episode Overview
In this heartfelt and practical episode, Emmy-winning journalist and author Tamsen Fadal tackles the big, messy, and sometimes intimidating world of midlife dating. With questions pulled directly from listeners, Tamsen and producer Johanna address concerns about moving on after breakups, re-entering the dating pool after divorce, identifying red flags like narcissism, and overcoming common pitfalls. Throughout, Tamsen offers pragmatic, compassionate advice grounded in personal experience, aiming to empower women navigating dating at any stage of life.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Coping With an Ex Moving On – The Social Media Trap
Q from Rebecca, Florida: “My ex of six months is already in a new relationship and posting about her constantly. I know I should mute him, but I physically cannot stop looking. Please help me stop looking.”
Advice:
- Tamsen empathizes, reflecting on her own post-divorce experience before social media was as pervasive.
- Critical Insight: Watching your ex’s new relationship on social media isn’t protective—it’s corrosive.
- Tamsen’s Actionable Tip:
“Every time you’re going to log onto the app…find one other thing to do. Go for a walk, call somebody, bake bread. It becomes a habit after a while. And that relationship has nothing to do with you anymore.” (03:00)
- Johanna adds: Don’t forget your ex can see you viewing his Instagram stories—“Don't let him win…create your own life outside of the relationship.” (04:44)
- Memorable Quote:
“Watching him and stalking him and looking at him and seeing what they're doing is not…helping anybody win by going and creating your own life outside of the relationship.” —Tamsen (04:21)
2. Am I Healed, or Just Numb?
Q from Michelle, Texas: “How do you know when you’re actually healed versus just numb? I feel totally fine and honestly, that scares me more than the crying ever did.”
Takeaways:
- It’s normal to fluctuate between “fine” and grieving.
- The very act of questioning your feelings is a positive sign.
- Grieving isn’t linear, and healing has no fixed timeline.
- Tamsen’s Candid Reflection:
“I think simply by the fact that you're kind of moving through life right now, even writing in a question like this, even questioning that is a really good sign.” (05:10)
“I don’t think there’s…an endpoint to knowing you’re all better.” (06:17)
- Johanna references “Sex and the City’s” rule: It takes half as long as you dated to get over someone.
- Tamsen’s Realism:
“I think we give ourselves these rules because it makes things easier…That’s crazy.” (06:26)
3. Navigating Lack of Sparks in Early Dates
Q from Adriana: “I’ve been on six first dates in the past two months. Every one was fine, but I felt absolutely nothing. Is this normal? Is something wrong with me?”
Guidance:
- No, nothing’s wrong with not feeling fireworks on first dates.
- First dates are notoriously awkward; butterflies aren’t required for a worthwhile connection.
- Consider giving a good conversationalist a second chance.
- Tamsen’s Encouragement:
“If you go on a date and you actually have a good time…there’s some type of connection, I wouldn’t mind seeing you go on a second one.” (09:19)
“Dating is a process of discovery, not just a checklist.” (Paraphrased from 09:45–10:45)
4. Is It Wrong to Talk to Multiple People?
Q from Wren: “I’m 55 and just got back on dating apps. Is it wrong to talk to multiple people at the same time? It feels like cheating to me, but my daughter says that’s just how it works now. Am I being too old-fashioned?”
Tamsen’s Reassurance:
- Multitalking is not cheating—it’s practical, especially online.
- The “numbers game” is real, but don’t stay just messaging: move things to real-life meetings.
- Honesty in profiles and interactions is key; no games or age fibbing.
- Notable Quote:
“You are not cheating by talking to multiple people at the same time…If you weren’t, I’d say you should be!” (11:04)
- Johanna & Tamsen Discuss:
“The limit does not exist!” — Both joking about the number of people to talk to (12:36)
- Emphasis on being clear about goals and safety while dating.
5. Spotting Narcissists Before It’s Too Late
Q from Simone: “How do you spot a narcissist before you’ve already fallen for them? I was married to one for 14 years and I’m terrified of missing it again.”
Advice & Warning Signs:
- Tamsen relates from her own history and discusses telltale signs:
- Constantly feeling on edge or nervous (“My nervous system was heightened constantly”)
- Performing for their approval, never feeling enough
- Seeking their approval only for the rug to be pulled out again
- Don’t ignore those uneasy feelings—listen to your body and intuition.
- Tamsen’s Vulnerable Admission:
“If you’re feeling something like that, please don’t ignore it.” (15:44)
“Looking back, I saw all those signs and I turned those red flags into pretty pink flags.” (14:44)
- Johanna notes that narcissists often target confident women, which surprises many.
- Memorable Story: Mr. Big comparison — always striving, never enough, always performing, and never receiving genuine commitment (18:47–20:07).
6. Is Never Having Been Married (at 56) a Red Flag?
Q from Claudia: “I’m 52, falling for a man who’s 56 and never been married. Everyone says it’s a red flag, but he’s the most emotionally available man I’ve ever dated. Am I ignoring something?”
Tamsen’s Nuance:
- Don’t judge solely by relationship status or what “everyone” says.
- Ask about past commitment and current intentions—don’t be afraid of honest conversations.
- Past never-married status doesn’t doom a relationship, but listen to your gut and don’t ignore inconvenient truths.
- Tamsen’s Experience:
“I was with somebody who had never been married, and I said to myself, ‘He just hasn’t met the right person yet.’…He is now in his 60s and still never married.” (22:38)
- Candor is vital: “Somebody that wants to be there is not going to run away because you ask them a question.” (23:40)
- Johanna jokes about George Clooney as a rare example.
- Quote:
“The end result is going to happen whether you skirt around it or not.” (24:02)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On social media snooping:
“That relationship has nothing to do with you anymore…protect your mind, your mental space, your nervous system.” —Tamsen (03:30)
- On healing after heartbreak:
“I don’t think you have to be totally healed by anything…you are human and you can grieve a loss even six months later.” —Tamsen (05:10)
- On modern dating:
“It’s kind of a numbers game, too…You have to meet a lot of different people.” —Tamsen (11:04)
- On intuition and narcissists:
“If you’re feeling something like that, please don’t ignore it.” —Tamsen (15:54)
- On red flags and never-married men:
“I would have a real conversation. Don’t be afraid of the conversation or the end result.” —Tamsen (23:40)
Important Timestamps
- 01:00: Introduction and explanation of episode format
- 02:12–04:55: Social media and exes — breaking the habit
- 04:57–06:46: Understanding healing vs. numbness post-breakup
- 09:04–10:45: No sparks on early dates — what it means
- 10:48–13:43: Is talking to multiple people okay? How many is “too many”?
- 13:50–15:54: Spotting narcissists early and lessons from past relationships
- 18:47–20:07: Personal stories about narcissistic relationships
- 22:14–24:16: Is never having been married a sign to worry?
Audience Engagement
- Tamsen urges listeners to reach out with questions and feedback via phone (917-382-4277), voicemail, text, or email.
- Books are periodically given to reviewers as a thank-you—showing genuine appreciation for the vibrant community engaging with The Tamsen Show.
Takeaways
Tamsen’s advice throughout is to protect your peace, stay honest with yourself and others, trust your body and intuition, and embrace the ongoing, nonlinear nature of healing and self-discovery. She frames online dating as a process requiring patience, courage, and clarity on your own priorities—and reassures listeners that there are no “right” timelines, only the ones authentic to you.
