Summary of "The #1 Relationship Expert Jillian Turecki on Finding Real Love After 40"

Podcast: The Tamsen Show
Host: Tamsen Fadal
Guest: Jillian Turecki, Relationship Coach and Author
Release Date: April 30, 2025

Introduction

In this episode of The Tamsen Show, Emmy-winning journalist and best-selling author Tamsen Fadal welcomes Jillian Turecki, a renowned relationship coach, to discuss the nuances of finding authentic love after the age of 40. The conversation delves deep into the unique challenges and opportunities that midlife presents in the realm of romantic relationships, offering listeners actionable insights grounded in Jillian's extensive experience and expertise.

Guest's Background and Journey

Jillian Turecki shares her transformative journey from a yoga teacher to a leading relationship expert. Her personal experiences, including a tumultuous marriage and significant life setbacks such as her mother's battle with cancer and a miscarriage, catalyzed her passion for understanding and improving romantic relationships. These profound life events inspired Jillian to explore what truly makes relationships work, culminating in her new book centered on "nine hard truths about love."

Jillian Turecki [04:13]: "I woke up to a miscarriage, and that was the day my ex-husband decided to send a text that he wasn't coming home. That day was like the end of my life in many ways... It began my journey into figuring out what makes a relationship work."

Key Topics Discussed

1. The Changing Landscape of Relationships for Women Over 40

Jillian discusses how societal shifts have empowered women to prioritize emotional support over traditional financial dependencies in relationships. With increased independence and career focus, many women today seek partners who contribute emotionally rather than economically.

Jillian Turecki [07:53]: "Women are now more independent and are looking for emotional support in relationships rather than financial stability."

2. Challenges of Dating After 40

The conversation highlights why many women remain single past 40, attributing it to factors like delayed focus on relationships due to career commitments, prolonged recovery from traumatic breakups, and evolving personal priorities.

Jillian Turecki [07:53]: "Women choose to be single or delay marriage because they're focused on other aspects of their lives, like their careers."

3. The Importance of Mindset in Cultivating Healthy Relationships

Jillian emphasizes the significance of a positive and proactive mindset. Believing in the possibility of finding love and rejecting limiting beliefs about age or relationship availability are crucial for meeting compatible partners.

Jillian Turecki [10:50]: "If you believe that all the good ones are taken, you are not going to meet anyone. Your belief system plays a pivotal role in your dating success."

4. Differentiating Between Love and Lust

A pivotal part of the discussion revolves around understanding the difference between love and lust. While lust is characterized by intense physical attraction and excitement, love is defined by deep emotional support, patience, and the desire to grow together.

Jillian Turecki [41:38]: "Lust is about what you can give me; love is about giving and supporting each other."

5. Overcoming Loneliness and Embracing Solitude

Tamsen and Jillian explore the stigma surrounding being single, advocating for valuing one's own company over the fear of loneliness. They argue that being alone is preferable to being in a detrimental relationship.

Jillian Turecki [30:57]: "It's better to be single and loving your life than to be in a relationship where you feel totally alone and not good enough."

6. Navigating Relationships During Midlife Transitions

The episode delves into how midlife changes, such as menopause, impact romantic relationships. Jillian advises that focusing on self-care and personal fulfillment can rejuvenate both individual well-being and the dynamics within a partnership.

Jillian Turecki [46:45]: "The best way to replenish yourself is to fill your cup—make time for your hobbies, rest, and connections outside of your relationship."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Jillian Turecki [03:21]: "I really believe that our relationships define our lives."
• Tamsen Fadal [10:04]: "I so agree with you on that..."
• Jillian Turecki [24:25]: "You have to have a life, and you have to make sure that your life is sacred to you."
• Jillian Turecki [29:38]: "There is no One who I would rather be with than someone who adds value to my life."
• Jillian Turecki [41:38]: "Lust is the feeling that makes us feel alive, but love is about supporting each other."

Insights and Conclusions

This episode provides a comprehensive exploration of the intricacies of forming and maintaining meaningful relationships in one's 40s and beyond. Key takeaways include:

• Self-Discovery is Paramount: Understanding and nurturing one's relationship with oneself is foundational to attracting and sustaining healthy romantic relationships.

• Mindset Shapes Experiences: Positive beliefs about love and relationships can significantly influence dating success and relationship satisfaction.

• Love Requires Work Beyond Initial Attraction: Transitioning from lust to love involves deep emotional connection, mutual support, and continuous personal and relational growth.

• Embracing Solitude Enhances Relationships: Valuing one's own company reduces dependence on a partner for happiness, fostering healthier and more balanced relationships.

• Midlife as a Time for Reinvention: Menopausal transitions and other midlife changes offer opportunities for reinvention, self-care, and redefining relationship dynamics.

Practical Advice for Listeners

• Set Healthy Boundaries: Avoid giving second chances to partners who do not add value to your life. Focus on building relationships with those who respect and support you.

• Engage in Meaningful Activities: Participate in hobbies, community service, or other fulfilling activities to meet like-minded individuals and expand your social circle.

• Adopt a Balanced Approach to Dating: While technology can aid in meeting new people, prioritize in-person interactions to build genuine connections.

• Prioritize Self-Care: Especially during midlife transitions, ensure you're giving time and energy to your own well-being to maintain both personal vitality and relationship health.

• Challenge Societal Norms: Reject the stigma of being single and embrace the idea that one's value does not depend on being in a romantic relationship.

Conclusion

Tamsen Fadal and Jillian Turecki offer a compelling narrative that empowers women in their 40s and beyond to seek and cultivate genuine love. By focusing on self-awareness, fostering a positive mindset, and setting healthy relationship standards, listeners are encouraged to embark on their journey toward fulfilling and resilient romantic partnerships.

For more insightful conversations and expert advice, follow Tamsen Fadal on Instagram @tamsenfadal and subscribe to The Tamsen Show for new episodes every Wednesday.