The Tamsen Show

Episode: The 4 Tools That Rebuild Your Confidence Fast
Host: Tamsen Fadal
Date: February 23, 2026

Episode Overview

In this empowering episode, Tamsen Fadal dives deep into one of life’s biggest challenges: rebuilding confidence. Speaking candidly from her own experiences and research-backed practices, Tamsen lays out four practical, actionable tools you can use right now to overcome self-doubt, break free from rumination, and develop lasting self-trust. This is not just theory but a true “confidence roadmap” designed for women navigating midlife, career changes, relationships, and health.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Nature of Confidence and Why We Lose It

• Childhood Confidence: As children, confidence comes naturally—we just act without questioning our worth. Over time, life experiences, criticism, and comparison slowly chip away at this innate self-assuredness.

  • “You didn’t lose your confidence...It just got buried under years of comparison and doubt.” (04:23)

• Negativity Bias: Tamsen shares a personal story about how a single negative comment about her appearance (her knees) stuck with her for years, despite a long and successful broadcast career.

  • “It does not matter how many good things you’ve heard. It’s that one line that still lives in your head.” (09:41)

• Science of Rumination: Our brains are wired to remember negative feedback more than positive. Understanding this natural bias is the first step to reclaiming confidence.

Tool 1: Interrupt Rumination with CBT Techniques

(13:13)

CBT—Cognitive Behavioral Therapy offers powerful, easy-to-use tools:

1. Notice It (Thought Monitoring)

   • Become aware of the negative loop playing in your head.
   • Example: “Oh, I’m replaying that email again, and it’s been 30 minutes.” (15:40)

2. Say Stop (Thought Stopping)

   • Visualize a stop sign or say “stop” out loud to disrupt the cycle.
   • “It almost sounds ridiculously simple, right? But it works.” (16:49)

3. Get Moving (Behavioral Activation)

   • Break the loop through action—walk, stretch, clean, physically shift your state.
   • “For me personally, I organize things...It gets me out of my head and into my body.” (18:13)

4. Replace It (Cognitive Restructuring)

   • Substitute the negative thought with a balanced, reality-based one.
   • “You can’t just rip a thought out. You have to put something more balanced in instead of, ‘you’re too old to wear skirts.’” (20:01)

Notable Quote:
“When you practice a sequence—notice, stop, move, replace—you actually retrain your brain...that’s where confidence begins—not in never doubting yourself, but in knowing how to interrupt doubt before it runs your life.” (21:09)

Tool 2: Confidence Through Preparation and Repetition

(22:02)

• Myth Busting: Confidence does not come first. Preparation and repetition build competence, which then leads to confidence.

• Personal Example: Tamsen recalls her shaky beginnings as a news anchor and how repeated practice—not innate confidence—helped her grow.

  • “I went in early, I wrote my scripts, I rehearsed them in front of the mirror...Over time, it stopped being terrifying—not because the nerves disappeared, but because my preparation actually kicked in.” (25:21)

• Practical Applications:

  • Public Speaking: Rehearse out loud, record yourself, get familiar with the material.
  • Dating: Prepare a few genuine questions beforehand to avoid “what do I say next” panic.
  • Gym Intimidation: Learn moves at home before going so your body has a “blueprint”.

Notable Quote:
“The people that you’re looking at and comparing yourself to, saying, ‘oh my gosh, they’re so confident’...What you’re really seeing is hours of invisible preparation.” (28:12)

Tool 3: The One Promise Habit—Rebuild Self-Trust

(32:51)

• Concept: Confidence is about keeping promises to yourself—not to others.

• The Science: Consistency, even in tiny acts, gradually rewires your identity and builds self-trust.

  • “Each time you break one of those micro-promises, it starts to chip away at your self-trust. And without self-trust, confidence can’t stick.” (33:33)

• Implementation Steps:

  1. Choose only one daily promise—something small, like drinking a glass of water before coffee.
  2. Make it so easy you can’t fail.
  3. Track your progress—use an app, journal, or tell a friend.
  4. Over time, these “little bricks” of self-trust add up.

Notable Quote:
“Every time I followed through, I built a little brick of self-trust, a little habit. And then those bricks add up.” (35:53)

Tool 4: Power Posing and The Science of Presence

(38:10)

• Posture Shapes Psychology: Harvard social psychologist Amy Cuddy’s research shows body language can change your emotional state and confidence.

• Practical Steps:

  • Before meetings or presentations, stand tall, roll your shoulders, plant your feet—just two minutes changes your brain chemistry.
  • “When you take up space, your brain hears, I belong here.” (39:08)

• Not Faking It: This isn’t “fake it till you make it,” but a way to reassure your nervous system so you can show up steady and present.

  • “Confidence isn’t loud. It is simply steady.” (41:39)

• Exercise (Try along with Tamsen):

  • Stand up, feet hip-width, shoulders back, chin up, breathe slow and deep. Open your hands—take up space.
  • “You’re allowed to take up space. And when you walk into a room with that kind of energy, people feel it before you say a thing.” (42:27)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “You didn’t lose your confidence. It didn’t vanish. You’re not gonna never get it back. It just got buried under years of comparison and doubt.” (04:23)
• “The problem is when we let that one comment play on repeat...we start to believe that one person’s opinion is the truth.” (11:42)
• “Preparation and repetition are what turn shaky first steps into confidence that you can actually feel.” (26:18)
• “Pick a promise a day. Just one. Not ten, not five—just one.” (36:39)
• “Confidence isn’t about never feeling nervous...it’s about knowing you have tools to move through it.” (44:33)
• “You’re safe, you’re capable, and you’re allowed to take up space.” (43:55)

Timestamps for Major Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------------|-----------| | Defining confidence & personal story | 04:02 | | Negativity bias explained | 09:00 | | Tool 1: Interrupting rumination (CBT) | 13:13 | | Tool 2: Preparation and repetition | 22:02 | | Practical examples for preparation | 26:18 | | Tool 3: The One Promise Habit | 32:51 | | Tool 4: Power Posing and Presence | 38:10 | | Power pose exercise | 42:10 | | Reflection and recap | 44:33 |

Wrap-Up & Takeaways

Tamsen wraps up by reiterating that confidence is a habit, not a trait—something everyone can nurture and reclaim, no matter their stage in life. She encourages listeners to try any of the four tools this week, share their experiences, and remember that showing up for yourself, even in small ways, is the foundation of true self-assurance.

Final Thought:

“Live your someday today.” (Closing statement)

Next Steps:
Try interrupting a negative thought loop, prep and repeat before your next big moment, keep a tiny promise to yourself today, or stand taller—literally and figuratively. Tamsen wants to hear how you do! Tag @thetamsenshow, DM, or leave a review to share your story.