The Tamsen Show — “The 5 Hard Truths I Learned From My Divorce”

Host: Tamsen Fadal
Date: February 16, 2026

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt solo episode, Emmy-winning journalist and author Tamsen Fadal gets vulnerable as she shares the biggest, hardest lessons she learned from her own divorce. Aimed at anyone navigating divorce, the aftermath of a breakup, or any kind of life upheaval, Tamsen candidly walks Tam Fam listeners through the five “hard truths” she uncovered about loneliness, closure, changing friendships, grief, and her own capability. Her goal is to provide both solidarity and a sense of roadmap for anyone feeling lost, alone, or overwhelmed as they start over.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. It’s Better to Be Alone Than Lonely With Someone

[06:15–12:49]

• Tamsen’s father always told her, “It’s better to be alone than lonely with somebody.” She admits she never fully understood this until, in the depths of her marriage, she felt more isolated with her partner than she ever had on her own.
• Description of the hollow, painful loneliness that comes from being unseen in a relationship:

  “You can be sitting next to somebody and feel miles apart. You can be watching television with them and just not even know they’re there. You can be sitting across a table and kind of feel like you’ve disappeared.” (Tamsen, 07:32)

• Identifies “social disconnection”—feeling misunderstood regardless of company.
• Her shift: She started treating loneliness as information, telling her what she craved.
• Practical Response: Built new connections with friends, family, herself. Began reclaiming small pieces of independence—like enjoying time alone in NYC.
• Memorable Quote:

  “Choosing to be alone over being lonely with somebody is not a step backward. It’s a beginning of finding the relationships that actually fit you.” (Tamsen, 11:48)

2. Closure Doesn't Arrive in a Packet of Papers

[12:50–19:35]

• The myth: that closure follows the finalization of divorce proceedings.
• Reality: The official papers felt like “just a thud… just paperwork.” There was no magical release.
• Closure happens by choice, not by outside validation:

  “Closure is not something you wait for. It’s something you decide.” (Tamsen, 15:24)

• Tamsen describes the powerful moment she ceased replaying the past and declared:

  “That story’s over. I’m writing a new one.”

• Encourages listeners: Don’t wait for apologies or explanations. Don’t wait for permission to move on.
• Closure is a boundary you create—“this chapter does not define me anymore.”

3. Friendships Change — And That’s Okay

[23:15–26:45]

• Divorce unexpectedly acts as a “filter” for friendships; some drift away when you’re no longer coupled, while others step up in surprising ways.
• Painful but clarifying:

  “Some friendships are for a season, some are for a reason...” (Tamsen, 24:21)

• She recounts the gratitude for both friends who stayed—and those who left, as it made room for new, more authentic relationships.
• Advice:

  “It is not rejection. It is a redirection. Because friendships, no matter what, really evolve." (Tamsen, 25:55)

• Reminds listeners they don’t owe anyone an explanation.

4. Life Isn’t Linear — Grief Is the Proof

[26:46–32:51]

• The sharpest grief wasn’t just about losing her partner, but the “future you thought you were going to have”—the loss of routine, planned memories, even a timeline for her life.
• Profound loneliness came not from missing the person, but missing the life script she’d clung to.
• Honest moments: Some mornings, she couldn’t get out of bed—not from heartbreak, but from loss of identity.
• Insight:

  “Grief is not only death or divorce. I pretty much think it’s any time life doesn’t go the way you thought it would.” (Tamsen, 30:35)

• Memorable Quote:

  “Shame doesn’t speed up grief. It makes it heavier. Grief doesn’t follow a straight line... One day you're feeling great… The next, you’re crying in your car because a song came on.” (Tamsen, 31:10)

• Reframes grief as proof of caring, not just evidence of being stuck.

5. You Are Just as Capable on Your Own

[32:52–39:18]

• Her biggest post-divorce fear was not about love, but whether she could live “by myself.”
• The early days were daunting:

  “The silence in my apartment was deafening. There were nights I would leave the TV on for background noise… Not because I was hungry, because I just didn’t know what to do with myself.” (Tamsen, 33:40)

• The breakthrough came in small acts: dining out solo, going to movies and Broadway alone. At first, awkward—eventually, empowering.
• Self-trust blossomed; learned she didn’t need to be “tethered” to someone else for value or strength.
• Inspiring reassurance:

  “Being on my own didn’t shrink me... It actually gave me a lot of room to build my life on my own terms and to become who I am today.” (Tamsen, 37:45)

• Encouragement to those in the rawest phases:

  “You’re more capable than you believe. You won’t just get through it. You’re going to come out with a kind of strength that nobody is ever going to be able to take away from you again.” (Tamsen, 38:20)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Loneliness vs. Being Alone

  “Being lonely in a relationship doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It can mean you’ve outgrown a dynamic that no longer sees you.” (09:54)

• On Deciding Your Own Closure

  “Closure comes the second you decide to stop giving your energy to the past.” (16:45)

• On Friendships Post-Divorce

  “The people who truly cared, they didn’t need [an explanation]… They were just looking for me to continue to be part of their lives.” (25:06)

• On Grief’s Nature

  “Grief is proof that I cared, that I invested, that I showed up fully—and it hurt, yes... But it also gave me a place for the life I get to live right now.” (32:00)

• On Reclaiming Self Sufficiency

  “You can want somebody else to rely on and enjoy having somebody there. But you need to be able to trust yourself first. When you do that, everything changes.” (38:01)

Important Timestamps

• 00:55 — Tamsen speaks directly to those feeling lost after divorce or breakup, setting the emotional tone.
• 06:15–12:49 — The first “hard truth”: Why it's better to be alone than lonely with someone, and redefining loneliness.
• 12:50–19:35 — The myth of closure coming from paperwork; how she learned to choose closure herself.
• 19:36–22:00 — (Quick detour) Discussion on facing financial challenges post-divorce and the impact of debt and shame.
• 23:15–26:45 — How divorce reshapes friendships; the pain and clarity that brings.
• 26:46–32:51 — Divorce as a source of non-linear grief; losing not just a marriage but an imagined future.
• 32:52–39:18 — How Tamsen discovered she was just as capable alone; practical steps to self-trust and strength.

Closing Messages

• Tamsen closes the episode by reminding listeners:

  “You are not broken. You are not alone. And you’re not done. You’re unfinished…” (39:35)

• She emphasizes the power of incremental progress, self-compassion, and building a new foundation after upheaval.
• Encourages reviews and shares, highlighting the power of community in helping others find the show.

This episode offers a deeply personal, honest account of rebuilding after loss. Tamsen’s gentle yet empowering tone offers both solidarity and practical wisdom to anyone facing similar struggles, underscored with memorable, compassionate insights and firsthand experience.