Podcast Summary: “The Money Expert: How to Take Back Control of Your Finances”

The Tamsen Show with Tamsen Fadal | Guest: Farnoosh Torabi
Release Date: October 22, 2025

Overview:

This episode of The Tamsen Show dives headfirst into the complex and often uncomfortable world of women and money. Host Tamsen Fadal welcomes acclaimed personal finance expert Farnoosh Torabi to discuss empowering women to take control of their financial futures. Their candid conversation explores the emotional blocks, ingrained beliefs, and practical roadmaps women need to stop playing small, unlearn financial shame, negotiate for more, and set up real financial security—especially through big life changes like divorce or entrepreneurship.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Emotional Landscape of Women and Money (00:43–05:02)

• Systemic Barriers and Mindset Traps

  • Women often believe they’re “bad at money” or inherit the idea that finances are a man’s domain.
  • Money is deeply gendered, with lasting cultural messages pushing women to defer control (“They think it should be the men in their lives who provide for them financially… call it dangerous.” – Farnoosh Torabi, 00:47).
  • Historical context: only recently have women had legal and societal permission to control their own finances.

• Personal Stories & Motivations

  • Farnoosh’s motivation comes from witnessing her mother’s lack of financial autonomy and her parents’ push-pull around money. Her professional path was driven by both personal experience and a desire to tell financial stories as a journalist.

2. Biggest Mistakes Women Make with Money (07:23–10:17)

• Lack of Confidence and Avoidance

  • “The biggest mistake… is we just think that we are not good at money. This message… is relentless.” (07:27)
  • Avoiding finances or assuming problems will “work themselves out” leads to a lack of security.

• Emotional & Practical Costs

  • Tamsen shares her $100,000 post-divorce debt and the paralysis it caused.
  • “There’s a cost of staying small around money.” – Tamsen (10:11)

3. The High Cost of Not Negotiating – and How to Do It (10:17–22:03)

• Compounding Losses

  • Women who fail to negotiate starting salaries can lose out on a million dollars over a career. (01:41)
  • “You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.” – Farnoosh (12:04)

• Negotiation Tactics

  • Research market pay rates, understand your value, and come prepared with clear asks.
  • Don’t negotiate only for salary; consider title bumps and benefits.
  • “Silence is really hard… but we need to allow the other person to fill in some of that gap.” (15:57)
  • Role-play scenario demonstrates how to confidently respond and counter-offer in salary negotiations.

  Memorable quote:
  “Switching jobs is the best way to make more money in many cases.” – Farnoosh (18:57)

• Women Talking About Money

  • Women need to talk to each other—and also to men—about money and deals to close the gender gap. (22:03)

4. The Most Common Money Fears & Overcoming Them (24:47–25:26)

• Bag Lady Syndrome & Fear of “Not Enough”
  • Many women fear ending up broke and alone, exacerbated by longer lifespans, relationship changes, and systemic obstacles.
  • “If you don’t have a foundation that is yours, that is a financial foundation… in those moments… that’s terrifying.” (25:26)

5. Building a Financial Foundation: Practical Steps (25:39–29:09)

• Farnoosh’s Non-Negotiables

  • Every woman needs:
    • Savings (rainy day fund)
    • Her own credit and credit cards
    • Long-term investments for retirement and future growth
  • For stay-at-home parents: Discuss and secure financial protections with your partner.

• How to Build an Emergency Fund

  • Focus on “bare-bones expenses”—not six months salary, but basics like rent, utilities, food multiplied by 4-6.
  • Start small and automate regular transfers: “Automate is so important. We can’t be trusted!” – Farnoosh (28:11)

6. Financial Independence During and After Divorce (28:39–29:56)

• Establishing (and Rebuilding) Credit
  • Immediately set up a solo credit card and establish your own accounts, especially when contemplating or going through divorce.
  • Ensure you have “runway” for legal, moving, and living expenses while transitioning.

7. Understanding Savings vs. Investing (29:56–32:29)

• Definitions and Mindset

  • Savings: Accessible, no-risk money for emergencies.
  • Investing: Long-term, diversified portfolios focused on the future (not day-trading or speculation).
  • Investing is not just “for men” and now is easier than ever with robo-advisors.

  “All you have to do… is contribute and be committed to that contribution. And don’t touch the money.” (31:34)

8. The Role of Technology and AI in Modern Finances (32:29–34:03)

• Automation for Consistency
  • Automated investment platforms (“robo-advisors”) can build diverse portfolios tailored to your risk tolerance.
  • AI is useful for basic research but not a substitute for human, holistic financial advice.

9. Consumerism, Subscriptions, and Taking Financial Inventory (34:03–44:24)

• Beware the Subscription Trap

  • Multiple streaming and recurring online purchases drain resources and often go unnoticed.
  • Annual “financial purges” help keep spending in check.
  • Disconnect credit cards from apps to slow down impulse buys.

  “Between going into the kitchen to get your wallet… you probably realize, I don’t need this.” (44:24)

• Entrepreneurship and Risk Management

  • Successful entrepreneurs are not risk lovers, but risk managers.
  • Build longer savings “runways” (9–12 months) before going full-time in your business.
  • Always pay yourself—automate savings and investments, even without a payroll.

10. Tools and Resources Farnoosh Recommends (38:30–39:34)

• Empower.com (formerly Personal Capital)
  • Free tracking of all accounts and net worth
  • Valuable for couples to maintain transparency without stressful “money talks”

11. Money Conversations: Is the Needle Moving? (39:34–42:36)

• Progress is being made, but some women still hold “dangerous” (as Torabi puts it) beliefs that men should provide financially.
• Money = Freedom and Safety
  • “Imagine a world where you can be the mom you want to be, the wife you want to be, and the financial badass you need to be…” (41:46)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the cost of not negotiating:

  “Harvard found that when women don’t ask for more on that first job interview, that compounds over time… over a career, she’s leaving about a million dollars on the table.” – Farnoosh Torabi (01:41)

• On owning your financial life:

  “Nobody’s going to care more about your financial life than you. It’s not because our partners and our families don’t love us. It’s just that life happens and we need to be the stewards of our own money.” – Farnoosh (41:46)

• On the emotional block:

  “I grew up terrified of becoming that person in a relationship who didn’t have financial autonomy.” – Farnoosh (05:05)

• On shopping and boredom:

  “When I fall into these traps of spending money that I don’t need to be spending… it’s cause I’m bored or I’m tired. So fill your schedule with experiences.” – Farnoosh (43:32)

• On divorcing avoidance:

  “Setting things up, automating things, paying attention, not having avoidance. Right?” – Tamsen (51:32)

• On relaxing into abundance:

  “I want to be a relaxed woman… Where my money is working for me and I’m not chasing the dollars.” – Farnoosh (51:15)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:43–05:05 – The psychology and history of women’s money struggles
• 07:23–10:17 – Common mistakes; Tamsen’s post-divorce financial story
• 10:17–22:03 – Compounding losses from non-negotiation; salary negotiation role-play
• 24:47–25:26 – The “bag lady” fear
• 25:39–29:09 – Building savings and credit, especially for stay-at-home moms
• 29:56–32:29 – Saving vs. investing made simple
• 32:29–34:03 – The impact (and limits) of AI in money management
• 34:03–44:24 – Consumerism, subscriptions, and financial decluttering
• 38:30–39:34 – Favorite financial tools: Empower app
• 43:32–44:24 – Curbing online shopping; practical anti-impulse buying tips
• 47:48–50:52 – Thinking about retirement/start saving now
• 50:52–54:22 – Redefining your relationship with money: Relaxed abundance and the mindset shift for women

Actionable Takeaways

• Negotiate Every Salary: Do your research, don’t be afraid to ask, and let silence work in your favor.
• Automate Savings and Investments: Remove willpower from the equation.
• Talk Openly About Money: With other women, and with men.
• Set Up Solo Accounts/Credit: Even in marriage or partnership.
• Purge Financial Clutter: Audit subscriptions and spending at least once a year.
• Replace Shopping with Connection: Schedule walks, calls, or naps to avoid boredom-spending.
• Plan for Rainy Days and Retirement: Start wherever you are; it’s never too late.

Conclusion

The episode closes with a call to action: take even one small step today—from automating a transfer to asking for a raise or starting a conversation about money. Farnoosh and Tamsen both emphasize that true freedom comes from knowledge, action, and self-trust with your money. As Farnoosh puts it:

“If you care about your freedoms… you must then care about your money. It’s not something that you need permission for. It’s right there for the grabbing.” (53:34)