The Tamsen Show

Host: Tamsen Fadal
Guest: Melanie Sanders, creator of the We Do Not Care Club and author of "The Official We Do Not Care Club Handbook"
Episode: Tired of Holding It Together? The We Do Not Care Club Method for Letting Go
Date: January 21, 2026

Episode Overview

In this deeply relatable episode, Tamsen Fadal sits down with Melanie Sanders, the woman behind the viral "We Do Not Care Club." Melanie’s honest and often humorous approach to sharing her experience with perimenopause and menopause sparked a movement that made millions of women finally feel seen—and gave them permission to let go of impossible standards and expectations. The conversation covers Melanie’s personal health journey, her accidental rise to fame, the importance of community support, and how being openly vulnerable can be transformative not just for oneself, but for women everywhere.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Origin of the "We Do Not Care Club"

• Melanie’s Medical Journey:
  • Underwent a hysterectomy for fibroids (04:43).
  • After surgery, experienced an unexplained “dark place”, isolation, and loss of drive.
  • Was not informed by doctors about potential physical or emotional aftereffects:

    “My doctors didn’t warn me ... I went into a dark place.” (04:43)

• Discovering Perimenopause/Menopause:
  • Neither Melanie nor Tamsen had prior education about perimenopause; menopause was only associated with hot flashes (00:02, 18:43).
  • Multiple symptoms—insomnia, mood shifts, anxiety, and joint pain—emerged post-surgery (18:50).

2. The Viral Moment That Sparked a Movement

• The Grocery Store Video:
  • After running out of ashwagandha (her “prerequisite to life”), Melanie had a “defining moment” of hitting capacity and filmed herself in her car, honestly sharing her state of overwhelm (07:09).
  • Her spontaneous video went viral across multiple platforms almost instantly (09:11).
  • Notable quote:

    “I just told myself, I’m at capacity. I have to take the pressure off.” (08:21)

• Naming the Club:
  • The phrase “We Do Not Care Club” was coined on the spot, without planning or rehearsal (09:50).

3. The Reaction—A Flood of Connection

• Women’s Response:
  • Received tens of thousands of messages from women who related and wanted to join the club (10:42).
  • Many expressed that Melanie “was speaking my language ... my life.” (10:42)
  • The club quickly grew globally, with international “chapters” (31:21).
• Why It Resonates:
  • Women felt validated and seen, no longer isolated in their midlife symptoms or emotions (10:59, 14:30).
  • The movement addresses long-held silence and stigma around menopause and midlife changes.

4. Melanie’s Personal Evolution

• Self-Worth and Vulnerability:
  • Initially doubted her own value:

    “I didn’t think that I was enough, and I did not see my value and my worth.” (00:53, 12:41)

  • Through the process, realized her worth and the power in simply being authentic (13:21).
  • Quote:

    “I’m just a regular, everyday woman that hit record and accidentally started a movement.” (45:18)

• Struggles with New Visibility:
  • Overwhelm and pressure from sudden fame.
  • Concerned about not being able to connect with women as personally but building small mastermind groups for deeper connection (35:19).

5. The Symptoms No One Talks About

• Physical and Emotional Effects:
  • Insomnia, joint pain ("frozen shoulder"), mood changes, anxiety, and body changes after hysterectomy and hormonal shifts (18:50–21:54).
  • Resorting to Google and even ChatGPT for answers; an example of systemic lack of support or information (20:22).
  • Notable humor and candor in discussing bodily changes:

    “My coochie's dry too. ... Coochie’s gonna go in the dictionary.” (23:52, 24:01)

• Illustrating the Experience:
  • Melanie drew the “Flat Melanie and Full Melanie” illustrations in her book, highlighting changes in her body—thinning hair, sagging breasts, and more, with humor (24:39–25:10).

6. Community, Sisterhood, and Letting Go

• Why Community Matters:
  • Perimenopause/menopause can be “dark,” and suffering in silence is dangerous (23:18).
  • The club provides empathy, permission to share experiences openly, and breaks the “mask” women have felt forced to wear (38:17–38:57).
• Letting Go of Perfection and Guilt:
  • Common things women “do not care” about anymore: housework, cooking, always caring for others before themselves (27:07).
  • “I’m in survival mode ... No, darling. I’m in survival mode.” (27:07)
• Including Men and Partners:
  • Advice for partners: read the room, give space, practice empathy
  • Notable quote:

    “If I don’t touch you first, you better not touch me ... If it’s quiet, don’t come in there crunching on food. Don’t chew. Do not chew and don’t breathe hard.” (26:00–26:59)

7. The Power of Honest Conversation

• Normalizing Taboo Subjects:
  • Encourages women to stop suppressing or masking their struggles.
  • Admits to her own bad days and disbelief in “fearless leadership”; emphasizes “we are all in this together.” (43:00)
• Inclusivity and Diversity:
  • Club chapters span the globe and all walks of life, from single moms to caregivers and even a “Fuck Your Feelings” chapter (40:02).

8. What’s Next—and Words for Struggling Women

• Book Success:
  • “The Official We Do Not Care Club Handbook” has become a bestseller (44:19).
  • Designed to be carried, referenced, and scribbled in.
• Melanie’s Message to Women Feeling Lost:
  • “You’re not alone ... This is a sisterhood ... My heart is so full.” (46:45, 47:29)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |-----------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------|-------------| | 00:53 | “I didn’t think that I was enough, and I did not see my value and my worth.” | Melanie | | 08:21 | “I’m at capacity. I have to take the pressure off.” | Melanie | | 09:47 | “I just hit record, not knowing that ... I get home and I look at the notifications, and I said, oh, my God.” | Melanie | | 13:21 | “Do you know you’re enough now?” — “Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.” | Tamsen & Melanie | | 23:52 | “No, you’re not alone. No, my ears itch too. My coochie’s dry, too.” | Melanie | | 27:07 | “The cooking, you know, we do not care if you’re hungry. ... No, darling. I’m in survival mode.” | Melanie | | 38:57 | “Just being able to be okay with your situation ... we just a lot of times just suppress ... and we wear that mask.” | Melanie | | 43:00 | “I am not the expert at this thing ... there are going to be days where I feel like I can climb the biggest mountain ... but some days I want to get under my bed.” | Melanie | | 45:18 | “I’m just a regular, everyday woman that hit record and accidentally started a movement.” | Melanie | | 46:45 | “You’re not alone. ... This is a sisterhood ... My heart is so full.” | Melanie |

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:00–03:26] — Opening banter and background on Melanie’s viral moment
• [04:43–08:21] — Melanie shares her personal health story and emotional aftermath of hysterectomy
• [09:47–10:59] — The viral video’s immediate impact, massive support from women
• [13:17–13:21] — Melanie’s evolving sense of self-worth
• [18:43–21:54] — Recognition of symptoms, lack of education, “talking to ChatGPT” for answers
• [24:39–25:10] — Discussing "Flat Melanie" vs. "Full Melanie" and illustrating change with humor
• [23:18–24:09] — The value of community and open conversation about taboo topics
• [26:00–26:59] — Tips for partners: empathy and “reading the room”
• [27:07–28:16] — How women’s priorities and capacity shift during midlife
• [31:21–33:17] — The global spread and diversity of WDNC chapters
• [38:57–39:14] — Permission to remove the mask and be real about struggles
• [43:00–44:02] — Melanie’s vulnerable leadership philosophy
• [46:45–47:29] — Melanie’s closing encouragement for women feeling lost or alone

Final Takeaways

• The We Do Not Care Club has become an emblem of unfiltered, radically honest sisterhood, redefining how women support themselves and each other through perimenopause and menopause.
• Melanie’s story is proof that vulnerability and authenticity can break silences, build powerful communities, and foster genuine transformation at every age and stage.
• You are not alone: Whether you’re at capacity, feeling lost, or simply ready to let go—there’s a global sisterhood waiting to support you on the journey.