Loading summary
Transcript98 lines
- [00:00]
Kai Dickens
Hi everyone and welcome back to the Talk Tracks. In today's episode of the Talk Tracks, we're taking a deeper look into signs from the other side. What are they? Can anyone ask for them? Do they even exist? And Making Meaning and Purpose out of Grief with Carla Kaufman Sloan and just a sensitivity warning. Though Carla's story is uplifting, this episode contains a discussion of untimely loss of a child. So please be in the right mindset before listening. Hi everyone, I'm Kai Dickens and I'm thrilled to welcome you to the Talk Tracks. In this series, we'll dive deeper into the revelations, challenges and unexpected truths from the Telepathy Tapes. We'll feature conversations with groundbreaking researchers, thinkers, non speakers and experiencers who illuminate the extraordinary connections that may defy explanation today, but won't for long. Most of us are trying to get healthier, but we're kind of guessing at which habits actually matter for our bodies. What if you could measure how your body is aging and know exactly what to focus on next? That's what True Diagnostic does. They test your biological age and key health markers like vitamins, nutrients and inflammation, then give you a clear 90 day plan based on what your body needs without the guesswork. I just took my second True Diagnostic test. It was incredibly simple. A quick finger prick at home, dropped it in the prepaid envelope and that's it. Now I'm eagerly awaiting my results to come in the next two to four weeks to see updates on my biological age, inflammation levels, and whether the supplements I'm taking are actually doing what I think they are. Trudiagnostic offers a Truage test, Truhealth test or Combo Kit. The process is simple. Order online and the kit ships right to your door. Do a quick, simple finger prick at home, then drop it into the prepaid return package and your only job is to follow the three most important actions you can take for 90 days, then retest to see the progress. True Diagnostics is trusted by top longevity clinics and health professionals, not just consumers at home. Right now our listeners can get 20% off at truediagnostic.com using code tapes at checkout. That's truediagnostic.com and use code tapes for 20% off today. Choose True Age TruHealth or the Combo Kit as a one time purchase or subscription. If the Telepathy tapes change the way you see your non speaking child but left you wondering what to do next, we made a show just for you. The Telepathy Tapes. Now what is a new companion series hosted by two parents of non speakers who've been there. They offer guidance, resources, and real conversations about how to move forward. Once you know your child is truly in there, you don't have to figure this out alone. Find now what on the Telepathy Tapes YouTube channel and wherever you listen to your podcasts. We have a very special guest today, Carla Kaufman Sloan and I first learned about you in reading Laurelin Jackson's book Signs. And to those who have never, you know, heard your name. Who are you? And maybe explain kind of your journey and what, you know, what you're doing here today.
- [02:57]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Okay. I grew up in New Orleans. I moved in New York. I wanted to follow the entertainment industry. I loved movies and tv, and I became a writer for television. And then I also worked for Judge Judy, which is a very fun job. And then I met my husband in Los Angeles, but we were older. We were, like, in our mid-30s. And I thought I was never really interested in getting married. Like, I just really wanted to keep working. And then we met and fell in love, and we got married. And then he said to me one day, oh, yeah, let's move to Miami. And I thought he was joking, because that's what old people do. And we were. I mean, we were 35. We weren't old. So we ended up moving to Miami, and I still. Still was kind of half in, half out. So I'd come back to LA a lot, but we would visit each other. And on one of those visits, I got pregnant. And we were like, oh, we were both surprised. It wasn't something we were really thinking about, but it was exciting. And so then that grounded me, literally. Like, I stayed in Miami, and we were pregnant with Calder, so.
- [04:11]
Kai Dickens
So were you excited to have a boy, or did you not care? Were you just, like, whatever comes my way?
- [04:15]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
I never really thought about it, but when I found out he was a boy, I was a little bit nervous because I'm such a girl, I guess. I don't know. I guess if you ask my friends, they might not agree with that. But I thought, oh, how am I gonna raise a boy? And it was the best thing ever. Like, he was just fun and funny and just, like, just so full of life. From the beginning of the journey, he was just this fun and hilarious little guy.
- [04:45]
Kai Dickens
What's the age difference between your two boys?
- [04:47]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Two years and two months. So they were really close, Caulder and Caleb. And Caleb, yeah. And they shared a room, and we had the car beds. We had the whole thing. We were like, boy, boy, boy. Calder was a fish. He was an avid swimmer from, like, both of our kids, we lived in Florida, so they started swimming when they were little toddlers, and he just really loved it. We call him a unicorn in our family because he was super athletic, and none of us are, but he would, like, swim. He would climb jungle gyms, he would play soccer, baseball, like, whatever, but especially loved swimming. And we got an invitation to a friend's birthday party, an adult party, no kids. And we. And Chris and I went back and forth on it. That's my husband, Chris. I was like, I don't know. Do we want to leave the kids at home with the nanny on the weekend? And he was like, we haven't done anything as adults in years. So we went to this party. We had. My nanny, her teenage son Caleb was home, and Calder was a great swimmer. So when they said, can he go swimming? My husband was like, yeah, it's the first day of spring break. Of course he can go swimming. And unfortunately, what no one knew was our swimming pool. The pool light was electrified somehow. Something had gone wrong. And he dove into the pool and swam to the end, which is what he always does. Dive in, swim all the way to the end, holding your breath, and touch the light. And unfortunately, That day, he touched the light, and it killed him. It was literally so much electricity, it threw him out of the pool. And everybody was screaming and yelling. And of course, our neighbor came running over, this big bodybuilder to give him cpr, because everybody else was hysterical, but he just couldn't hold onto him because of the amount of electricity going through his body. And so then they took him to the hospital. You just know when you get the phone call. Like, our babysitter slash nanny on the other line just couldn't breathe or talk, and she just kind of wailed Calder's name. And I knew. So that's the day our lives change forever. I still get emotional. Yeah, of course. Yeah.
- [07:14]
Kai Dickens
There's no pain in the human experience, I think, that can ever understand, you know? And, you know, obviously, the stages of grief are enormous. And what were. Like, what were your beliefs going into this regarding the afterlife? Because I think that can really inform how people handle grief.
- [07:33]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
It does really inform how people handle grief. And I had no beliefs. I didn't believe in the afterlife. I didn't know what. I figured once you're dead, you're lost forever. And it was so shocking and unbelievable that seven days after his seventh birthday, we were in the morgue. So I. I just thought I'm lost. I can't get through this.
- [08:07]
Kai Dickens
And of course you had a help your other son.
- [08:10]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Yes, that was like a main focus. That's actually what got me out of bed in the morning was Caleb. And knowing he needed to be supported and he needed to still go to school and he needed to not live in this dark place that I was living in. And everyone grieves differently. I'm sure you know this, but my husband went. We owned our own business, so he immediately went back to work. Cause he was like, we're not going to let this completely destroy our lives. We got to hold on to something. So that's what he focused on, which was great. And I focused on Caleb. And Caleb was little, he was barely five at the time. So luckily he could go to school and he could kind of get away from the grief because he had no idea what it was for a full year. He would ask me when Calder was coming back because he thought he was playing hide and seek. And he just was doing a really good job. Because that's how a five year old's brain works, right?
- [09:14]
Kai Dickens
Yeah. You can't process death, anything that final at that age. So what was the turn? I mean, there is no turning point. I know when you lose a child, but, like, what were your next steps? What happened next in the process that started to maybe change your perspective on everything? Because what ends up happening changes the course of your life. Right.
- [09:37]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
So what happened was my husband, because we owned a little TV production company. You know, there are mediums in television all the time. And there was a guy who worked for us who had produced a show with a medium. And he said to my husband, unbeknownst to me, would you ever want a reading with a medium? And my husband was like, what is that? Because that's how far. I mean, I had watched TV shows, so I knew what a medium was, but I didn't know at the time that any of that was at our disposal. So my husband had a reading with a medium named AJ Barrera, and he recorded it because he was a great professional medium who did that. So you could go back and listen to the entire reading in case you missed something or it's just comforting to hear the information over. But my husband didn't tell me that he had done this. He kind of kept it to himself until he came home one day. And I was, you know, I was like a zombie, like, walking around crying, doing the dishes, whatever. And he looked at me and he said, I have something to tell you in a very, like, I've got a secret kind of thing. And I thought, whatever. Like, I can handle anything at this point. What is it that you want to tell me? And he said he had had a reading with this medium, and he asked me if I wanted to hear it, and I said, of course. And so he played the reading for me from his computer, and we were both riveted for 45 minutes. We couldn't stop listening to it. We didn't talk to each other. We didn't breathe. And it's just what everyone says when you get a really good read. Reading. He was giving us information no one could have known.
- [11:31]
Kai Dickens
What type of things was he saying?
- [11:33]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Well, he told us that it was interesting because it was almost like he was playing with Calder, because Calder, this was only three months after Calder passed, so he was probably still in his kid body, still, like, being super. Like, he was really fun. He always had this fun energy. He was talking about, like, he's flying around here, and he's making me feel like he's in an airplane. And then he's making me feel like. And he was just laughing. Like, the medium was like, he's really fun energy. And then he started saying, he's telling me something about Edison. Like, he was trying to figure out what. He's telling me about my friend who works for Edison, the electrical company. But then he's, oh, he's telling me he was electrocuted outside in your swimming pool. Like, it was so accurate, and there was no way he could have known that. And just the way he came to it was so interesting and strange. And then he would just keep saying things. And the coolest thing about the reading is you hear my husband go from completely oblivious to asking questions, and AJ Saying, yeah, you can ask him whatever you want. You don't need me. You can talk to him in your head. And by the end of the reading, my husband was just like, this is so cool that you can communicate with him. And so was I. But he said, he's so sweet. My husband. At the end of the reading, he goes, would you do this for my wife? She could really. I think it would really help her if. And A.J. i think, like, any medium was like, well, why don't you play it for your wife? And she'll see if she wants something like this. Because as a medium, I don't think they ever want to approach someone and be like, you know, because it feels. It creates doubt if you're like, let me give you a reading. And I was really, like, took it as A challenge. Like, oh, he's not going to give me a reading. Well, I'm going to find him. And I did find him, and he was giving a mediumship conference with one other medium, four mediums in Virginia. And I signed up with a fake name and decided I was going to go there and find him and see if this was really real.
- [13:56]
Kai Dickens
And why did you use the fake name?
- [13:57]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Because I thought if I go with a fake name and I pay for everything in cash, no one will know who I am. So they can't figure it out. Right.
- [14:06]
Kai Dickens
So he couldn't, like, scam the system and look you up ahead of time.
- [14:10]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Exactly. That is exactly right.
- [14:13]
Kai Dickens
So did you get a reading?
- [14:15]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
So I go there, and it's a room full of mediums in me pretending to be a medium, although I didn't really realize that when I got there, I was like, oh, everyone's a medium. And then.
- [14:27]
Kai Dickens
This is hilarious. So you're pretending to be a medium. This is so funny.
- [14:31]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
It didn't realize I was pretending, but I did. So they called me. Oh, you're Melanie from Miami. Welcome. Like, I was probably the person who traveled the furthest for this. These are all people who just go to these things all the time because they're training and they want to get better. And I said yes. And so the first night, it's very. It's very beautiful. Like, there's meditations and conversations, and then AJ and this other woman got up, and they did what's called a gallery reading, where they gave a reading for everyone in the room to show you different styles and how it's done. And so everyone. I felt like everyone around me was getting a reading, and I was thinking in my head, okay, Calder, I really. I need to know that this is real, so I need a reading. But he didn't come through that night. And so I went back to my room completely dejected, and I was like, I'm going home. This is ridiculous. I'm not doing this. And then the next day, they started with that, and the woman who was giving the female medium immediately came to me, and she said, I'm with you. And she started giving me all this information about this woman with blonde hair and just on and on. And I was looking at her like, nope, not me. And then she kind of went to the person next to me, and then she came back to me. She goes, no, this is for you. This is your friend. And she gave me the information. And again, I was so upset that I didn't get a reading that Made sense again. I went to bed that night and I was so upset. Not out of like, malice, just like, I really didn't know until I went to bed. And she, she may have come to me in my dream, but when I woke up, I just knew who it was.
- [16:25]
Kai Dickens
Hey, y'.
- [16:26]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
All.
- [16:26]
Kai Dickens
So for me, skincare can be super overwhelming. There's a lot of products that promise they can do everything and then you try them and they don't seem to do much of anything. And so what I have been drawn to just in general are things that are actually rooted in real science. And that's one of the reasons I've been super drawn to One Skin. And what really caught my attention is that One Skin was founded by longevity researchers and their products are designed to actually support your skin at the source and not just cover things up. They are proprietary. Peptide OS1 is designed to target visible signs of aging by helping support skin health, collagen and the skin barrier. I also love that it doesn't require some complicated, you know, like ten step routine. It feels really easy to use and it's really clean and my skin just feels smoother, healthier and more supported when I'm consistent with it. One Skin products are backed by extensive clinical data. I mean, they have like four peer reviewed clinical studies to validate their efficacy and safety on all skin types. Plus They've got over 10,000 five star reviews and have been recently featured by Bloomberg as a leader in skin longevity. Born from over a decade of longevity research, One Skin's OS1 peptide is proven to target the visible signs of aging, helping you unlock your healthiest skin as you age. For a limited time, you can try one skin with 15% off using code tapes at OneSkin Co tapes. That's 15% off OneSkin Co with code tapes. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Hey all. So I have tried a lot of bras, admittedly over the years, and if they look amazing, they're usually uncomfortable. That's just the truth of it. But honeylove has changed all of that for me. As a female founded company, HoneyLove makes products designed by the women who actually wear them. So initially they sent me two things, the crossover bra and some shapewear. And I was amazed by how good it felt. I mean, it really did feel like nothing at all. The crossover bra gives lift and support without an underwire and there's no digging and pinching. It's just one of those rare bras that you're not desperate to tear off at the end of the day. And the shapewear kind of sculpts and supports without making you feel super squeezed in and uncomfortable. And it's great because it stays in place. It doesn't roll down, it doesn't roll up. It's breathable, and it just looks beautiful too. And honeylove doesn't just make bras and shapewear. They've built a full line of tanks and bodysuits and underwear, all with supporting structure, smoothing fabrics and premium finishes. Treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear on the market. Use our exclusive link to save 20% off honeylove@honeylove.com tapes that's honeylove.com tapes after you check out, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know we sent you. Experience the new standard of comfort and support with HoneyLove lately, I've been thinking a lot about how we support our nervous systems, especially at the end of the day when our bodies are supposed to download and rest. One thing I've added to my routine is Magnesium Breakthrough by Bioptimizers. I kept hearing about it from doctors and wellness experts that I trust, and what stood out to me is that it's not just one form of magnesium. It combines seven different forms along with key cofactors so your body can actually absorb and use it. Magnesium plays a role in so many systems, from relaxation to muscle function to supporting more restful sleep, and most people don't even realize they're running low. What I appreciate about Magnesium Breakthrough is how simple it is. I take it in the evening as a signal to slow down, unplug and transition into rest. And I've noticed I wake up feeling energized and recovered and buy optimizers makes it easy to try because they offer a 365 day, no questions asked money back guarantee, a full year, zero risk. So if you're curious, I invite you to try it with me. Pay attention to how you feel and how your body responds over time. Go to buyoptimizers.com tapes and use my exclusive code tapes to get 15% off any order. Make 2026 the year you finally start sleeping. Great again.
- [20:20]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
I woke up in the middle of the night and I knew exactly who it was. It was like one of my closest friends from LA who had died two years before, but I just wasn't thinking about her, which is horrible. But you will not only get the reading for the person you love, the Most. Which is a challenge for mediums, because here's this poor woman giving me this great reading. And I just kept saying, I don't know who you're talking about.
- [20:47]
Kai Dickens
Did you ever get a reading that from Calder?
- [20:50]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Yeah. So then the next day was the last day when we were wrapping up. And by this time, people would have to tap me on the shoulder because they'd be like, melanie. And I didn't know who they were talking to. I was like, oh, yes. And so that day, the final gallery reading. A.J. we're about to wrap up. And A.J. goes, oh, wait, Everybody sit back down. There's one more spirit here. And I know it's a little boy because he's pulling on my pant leg. And that's how they let me know they're little. And he gave me a reading, and he said this boy's name, and he said my son's Hebrew name, which was nowhere to be found. Like, you couldn't even look that up. It wasn't. The gravestone wasn't set yet, and that was the only place we put his Hebrew name. And then he started to give me a reading, and I disrupted the whole convention just by sobbing hysterically. And just. I fell apart because everything I wanted to be true was true, but I couldn't fathom it, but I knew it was real.
- [21:58]
Kai Dickens
What types of things was he saying to you besides the Hebrew name, Which is unbelievably significant.
- [22:03]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Yeah. It's hard for me to remember because it was so emotional, but he told me he wants you to know he has his glasses, which were. Which was one of the key things in both readings. But he didn't realize he was bringing him through again. So his glasses, we couldn't find anywhere. We were searching and searching for Calder's glasses, and it turned out they were put in the casket with him, but no one knew that, not even us. So he brought that information through, and he just brought through, like, beautiful moments of memories of Calder and I that aren't even. You don't think are significant when you're a mom, like, just doing stuff but meant so much and certain songs that we listen to and. But what happened was. Because I got so upset, everybody, like, was confused, because if you're a medium, you hear these stories all the time. And so they kind of gathered around me, like, what's going on, Melanie? What's going on? I thought I confessed. I was like, this is what happened. And they're like, oh, my God, it's so early in your grief journey. It's really hard to be here during that time. You really need to go through your grief. And the woman hosting the event said, this is why I have strict rules about reading for parents, because it's a way to avoid grief instead of going through the whole process. And she said, but since you're here and we know your son's here. And then she gave me a reading. And then this whole line of mediums gave me reading after reading after reading. Unbelievable. It was magic. And then.
- [23:50]
Kai Dickens
And all of it felt evidential.
- [23:52]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
All of it. Even, like, Calder even, like, let my grandparents speak, because he was like. And it was my mom's birthday coming up. So one of the mediums said, there are two older, like, made me know it was my grandparents and said they were saying happy birthday to someone in your family. So I knew it was, like, evidential in August, your mom's birthday. And it was just mind blowing.
- [24:19]
Kai Dickens
And so one of the things that comes for you later is a story with signs. And I think that's just such a beautiful story. So I want to get to that in a second. But first, like, after you left there, what changed in you? And how are you feeling? And, you know, did you share it with Mike?
- [24:37]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
When I left there, what happened was I was able to believe that Calder wasn't gone, but I was still in a prolonged period of grief just because I was stuck in it. But I knew I had to if I wanted to pursue meditating and maybe being able to connect and learning more, that I had to get off the prescriptions that the doctor was keeping me on. I had to stop, like, clean up my act. And so it took me probably another six months before I was like, okay, I want to read everything I can about this and figure it out and see what's possible.
- [25:22]
Kai Dickens
So tell me about how you met Lauralyn Jackson, because she's a pretty well known evidential medium.
- [25:28]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Back in the beginning of my grief, a friend of mine's sister had died, and she got a manuscript of Laura's the Light Between Us. And she gave it to me, and she said, don't tell anyone. This is. You know, it's not with the publisher yet, and they're trying to make the deal. And you shouldn't tell anyone I gave it to you. And I thought, okay. And then it's so funny.
- [25:51]
Kai Dickens
Cause it's, like, the worst nightmare for every. Like, I've been saying, it's a rough cut of the film right now to people. I'm like, do not share it with it. And always someone will Share it.
- [25:57]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Always. Always. It's so funny.
- [25:59]
Kai Dickens
Human nature.
- [26:00]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
And when I told Laura that years later. Cause I met her by then, she was like, that's hilarious. Because of course, she's like, of course. You got it. That makes total sense to me.
- [26:11]
Kai Dickens
So, okay, so you get the manuscript.
- [26:14]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
And that first passage is what you read in season two was about all the kids coming to Laura in the car. And I thought, this is amazing. This woman is amazing. This is the best story I've ever heard. I have to get in touch with her. So I told my friend I was going to get in touch with her, and she's like, yeah, right. You're never gonna get in touch with her. She's, like, far beyond her pay grade. And I thought, okay, I'm gonna figure it out. And of course, because of the way the universe works, it somehow worked out that we got to meet.
- [26:46]
Kai Dickens
I was able to get Lauralyn Jackson on Zoom to talk more about what she remembered of Carla's story.
- [26:49]
Lauralyn Jackson
I met Carla when she came to me for a reading in my home. And I remember when she sat down, I was flooded with information. Her son who had crossed came through so clearly, and it was so important to him that Carla knew, number one, she never needed someone like me. He needed her to know he had been communicating with her and sending her signs from the moment he crossed.
- [27:13]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
I started getting signs early, but I didn't understand what it was.
- [27:19]
Kai Dickens
What do you mean by that? Like, what type of signs?
- [27:22]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
So one of the most beautiful signs. You know, a lot of times when people, your loved ones, cross, they come to you in dreams. But instead of dreams, because my grief was so thick, I don't think he could get through. As I was falling asleep at night, he would come really close to me, like he was gonna kiss me. And I could see his lips in my mind's eye. And it would wake me up because I was like, what's happening? Cause I fully didn't understand anything. And it happened repeatedly. And then it wasn't until, like, months later that I realized that was him saying, I'm right here with you, Mom. I'm right here. And I feel like when our loved one passes, especially a child, they're doing everything in their power to let you know they're okay so you can get through your grief and continue to live the life you're supposed to live here. So I really feel like Calder was pulling out all the stops because I was stubbornly holding on to my grief. Like, I didn't want to let it go because it felt like I was letting him go until I realized that that wasn't true. So he did everything he could. He put things in my path. He started sending me dragonflies nonstop. They would be everywhere. I would be in a swimming pool with like 100 kids around me, splashing and being crazy. And my sister in law would look at me and say, there are two dragonflies sitting on your head. She's like, I guess Calder's here. Because then everybody knew. And it was just. It becomes fun.
- [29:02]
Kai Dickens
I want to quickly bounce over to a conversation I was having with Laura Lynn Jackson. Signs are one of the hardest things to believe in. So I wanted to ask Laura to respond to this skepticism that I think a lot of people probably carry.
- [29:12]
Lauralyn Jackson
Well, there's two huge obstacles we each have when it comes to embracing that secret language of communication. The unseen energy all around us, the ongoing love, right? And it's doubt and fear, Fear and doubt, right? First, maybe the fear of like. And I've had people say this to me. I didn't want to ask for a sign because I was so afraid I wouldn't get it and that would devastate me. So I waited months, and then I finally did it, and then I got my sign and now I'm so happy, right? So there's fear about will this work? And then there's doubt. And here's the thing. When we receive our sign is this great spiritual connection. And it's not using the part of our brains that we use most of the time, which is this frontal lobe, which is in charge of critical thinking, analytical thinking, math, language skills, all those things that we use in our waking hours. So when we have a spiritual experience, that little frontal lobe, what meditation teachers refer to as the monkey mind, because it's constantly chattering, a lot of times very negative, but it's based very much in, like, logic. And if you see it, it's real. If you don't, it's not.
- [30:10]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Right.
- [30:10]
Lauralyn Jackson
It tries to reject that spiritual experience. So it will say, oh, that's just a coincidence that can't be real because it doesn't fit our materialistic paradigm. So there are those two very important obstacles that you have to be cognizant as you enter this language of signs. You're going to need to know that your little monkey mind is going to try to tell you that the signs are not real.
- [30:31]
Kai Dickens
And now I want to cut back to Carla because it is very hard to dismiss her sign story. I would love for you to tell the dear sign story because that is Just like the best sign story I think I've ever heard.
- [30:41]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
I know in season two, you had Laura on. So the way I came to be in the book signs was she gave me a reading. And then she goes, are you guys going on a trip coming up? And I said, yes, we are. And she said, oh, well, Calder said, he's gonna send you a deer to have a moment with.
- [31:02]
Kai Dickens
Laura ended up giving her an unbelievable reading.
- [31:05]
Lauralyn Jackson
They went and drove to the Florida Keys, which is a rather long drive, you know, And Carla fell asleep in the. In the car. And she was awoken by her husband, who said to her, oh, my gosh, there were just all these deer on the side of the road. And they'd been to the Florida Keys before, but they'd never seen what are now known as that. What we now know as key deer, which are these small deer species. And Carla was devastated. She thought, oh, my gosh, I was asleep for this connective experience with the deer. Like, I missed my sign.
- [31:38]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
I was crushed. And in fact, I thought about it all weekend. Even though we were there, we were having fun, like, putting on the brave face, like, doing all the Key west stuff, going to the sunset thing at the pier. And, you know, we wanted Caleb to have fun. And so we go to bed that night, and Chris is like, I can hear this commercial for a bar called the no Name Pub. And Chris goes, oh, I've never been there. And then we go to sleep, and we're driving home the next day, and he decides he wants to stop at the no Name Pub because he has to see everything. He's very interested in every single thing. And it turns out you can put dollar bills on the ceiling with someone's name on them. So he wanted to put Calder's name on a dollar bill on the ceiling, but he didn't tell me any of this. He's just like, we're gonna stop here. Caleb, again, is in the back and asleep. I'm asleep. And I was waiting in the car for him. Just kind of like, in the parking
- [32:39]
Kai Dickens
lot of the pub?
- [32:39]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Yeah, in the parking lot of the pub. Like, okay, this is a nice wrap up to the weekend. And across the parking lot, I see the bushes kind of move. And out of the bushes came a little deer. And key deer are smaller than regular deer. They're these cute little deer. And it's walking towards me, and I thought, oh, it's happening. This is the moment that Laura was talking about. And I got very nervous that I was going to scare the deer. So I'M like, trying to get out of the car. And then it just kept walking towards me and walking towards me. And I walked over to where the benches were closer to the door, and the deer walked right up to me and put its nose in my hand. And as it was doing that, Chris walked out of the no Name Pub, and he took a photograph of the deer putting its nose in my hand. And we couldn't believe it. We both just stood there. He was like, what is happening right now? And I thought, this is what she said was gonna happen. It's happening.
- [33:50]
Kai Dickens
And the deer didn't even run away when Chris came outside?
- [33:53]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Nope. It kind of just hung out there for a while and then.
- [33:58]
Kai Dickens
And let you touch it.
- [33:59]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Yes. Which is so interesting, because wild animals, you never know how they're gonna react. But it just. It was very docile and just hung out with us for a while. And then he kind of wandered on, probably looking for food or something. And we got in the car, and he goes, did that just happen? And I said, I think you got a picture of it happening? And he did, and he sent me the picture. And I immediately texted Laura, and she was like, wow, that's incredible. He really got you your sign. And I said, yes, he did.
- [34:37]
Kai Dickens
What have you learned about signs since then? Cause that is such an incredible sign story. But as far for people, like, can you ask for them from anyone? Do they have to be specific? What are the easiest kind to give? You know, what have you learned about signs?
- [34:50]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Well, so it's interesting because I feel like signs are so common, but we don't always realize it. And I feel like any loved one who's crossed can send you a sign and you can ask for it. I mean, Laura is very specific. She's like, ask for the most difficult specific sign you can think of. But I think for me, a lot of times when it happens is also in a moment of struggle, like when you need a lift. They're very intelligent about when to pop a sign into your path. And that's what happened to me one day when I was overwhelmed with grief. It was like two years after Calder had died. And I was working really hard not to cry in front of Caleb anymore because I just felt like he had had enough. And I'm not saying crying is bad, because it's not. You need to cry. You need to get it out. But I was like, okay, hold it together. And I get out of the car to take him in to get some food, and I look down at the ground, and there's a heart shaped leaf on the ground, which I think is also a sign people get a lot. But I had never gotten one before and I looked down and I picked it up and I said, caleb, look at this. And he goes, oh, a heart from Calder. And just went on about his business. Because kids are so like open and made sense to him. That's what it was. And let's go get our food now. And so that was my first heart shaped leaf. But I do feel like you can ask for them. And I really had an interesting experience lately. So I've started leading a grief group in Miami with another parent who lost her son. It's all parents who've lost their children or whose children have left their bodies. And we get together and we talk about the signs we've gotten and they're always amazing. Like the kids are amazing with the signs they send us. But I thought, oh, let's do something fun. Let's ask for a specific sign for all of us so that we can all see if we get the same sign. And we asked for a pink elephant. And this was like a couple of weeks ago. And so we started to see elephants here and there. Everybody would text their picture into the group. And then one mom, who is the newest member of our group, her child just crossed about six months ago, sent a picture of a pink stuffed animal elephant. And we were like, that's it. And then the next day I was moving some stuff around in my office and I hit this deck of oracle cards and a card fell out and it was two elephants. One was pink and one was purple. And then the next deck, another mom sent a picture of a pink elephant. So I really feel like if you ask for it and everyone sets an intention, you can get any sign.
- [37:58]
Kai Dickens
That's amazing by the way. I mean it really. I can't even fathom how surreal that must be.
- [38:04]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
It is surreal.
- [38:12]
Kai Dickens
This year, my intention has been to care for my body and being what can I do every day that actually feels supportive instead of another thing to manage? That's where cachava fits into my routine. It's an all in one nutrient shake that helps cover the basics when life gets busy. Cachava supports steady energy throughout the day with key vitamins and minerals, helps digestion with fiber, probiotics and enzymes, and supports immunity with vitamin C and zinc. It also fuels strength and recovery through plant based protein and electrolytes, which makes a real difference when I'm moving a lot or short on time. What I love most is how simple it two scoops, blend and you're done. I'll change it depending on the day. Sometimes I'll add frozen fruit or nut milk and sometimes iced coffee. And with flavors like chocolate, vanilla, chai matcha and strawberry, it never gets boring. The Cachava Kitchen also has easy recipes if you want new ideas. There are no artificial flavors, colors or sweeteners. It's non gmo, gluten free, soy free, plant based and made without preservatives. Just clean nutrition that actually tastes good and in just two scoops you get 25 grams of protein, 6 grams of fiber, greens, adaptogens and more. Stick with your wellness goals. Go to kachava.com and use code tapes for 15% off. That's Kachava K A C-H-A V A.com code tapes this episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with a name your price tool from Progressive you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it@progressive.com progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. Tell me about the book you just wrote.
- [39:49]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Okay, so I wrote this book called Everywhere about Calder and my journey through all this because I literally didn't think I was going to make it through grief. And I thought, okay, I want to put a book out there that lets anyone who's in grief know that their loved ones are with them and they're going to make it through and they're going to have some amazing life still. So they shouldn't just be sad all the time. But the reason I titled it Everywhere was because of what I was telling you with Calder. He was so adamant about making sure I knew he was with me. And it wasn't just me because when a child dies especially it's like atomic bomb. It like affects not just everyone in your family, it affects the whole community. The kids in his class, friends from afar. Like there was one kid in his class who just couldn't go to school anymore. He just couldn't. Little seven year olds, he couldn't understand what had happened and so he just started to go in on himself. And I didn't know that at the time, but one of my closest friends called me and told me the story and she said he went to school today because last night he had a dream that Calder came over and they were playing on the trampoline like they played every day. And Calder said, it's okay, I'm good. Like, look we're still playing. And he. So it's like they're working overtime to make sure everyone's okay because they don't want their death to cause problems.
- [41:37]
Kai Dickens
So it's really your journey through grief. And I mean, not recovery, but just able to kind of thrive in a different way in the world.
- [41:46]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Yeah. So it is. It's about, like, how deep the grief can go and how you are still meant to live a full life. And if you can, whatever you find your purpose to be. Like, I really do believe that now. My purpose is to help other grieving parents or anyone in grief. Like, when my friend's father died last year, I really feel like all these conversations we've had since Calder died actually helped her be able to understand that and feel like I'm looking for him and he's sending me signs, and she can feel his presence also, like she says, I'm driving around, I know he's in the car with me because he was always telling me how to drive. And I just feel it's so comforting and true.
- [42:44]
Kai Dickens
What would you say are the things that people on the other side most want people to know and maybe patterns of things that come up all the time. If you could leave the audience with wisdom, what would you tell them?
- [42:59]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Well, I feel like it's so simple that we are all. Libby says it in John Paul that it's all about love and loving your fellow man and just doing the right thing for people. But I feel like we're all here learning different things, and the thing that comes up over and over is enjoy the ride. You don't realize what a gift you've been given. Even if you've had this horrible tragedy like we've had, you still have to enjoy being on earth, being alive. Like, really, don't forget to have joy in your life and have fun, because we can get so wrapped up in our schedules and our, you know, oh, we have to achieve this. Oh, I have to make this much money. But really, it's just these simple moments. The people who come through aren't coming through saying, I'm so glad that I had $10,000 in my bank account when I crossed. They're coming through saying, when you were at my bedside and held my hand right before I crossed, that's what meant the most to me in my life. And I want to just say how thankful I am that you are my daughter, or how thankful I am that you are my father.
- [44:22]
Kai Dickens
Could you talk about the desire for people on the other side to want their loved Ones to move on, whether that's to. If you have their kids, don't stop being a fun, goofy mom or even falling in love again. What have you learned around that?
- [44:36]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
They never want us to stop living. I feel like that's the hardest thing for a parent. Like, I have experienced parents who don't want to live anymore, and their child does not want that from the other side. They're like, that's. That's a waste of this gift you've been given to just give up and lay down and die.
- [45:04]
Lauralyn Jackson
Yeah.
- [45:05]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Yeah.
- [45:05]
Kai Dickens
I think that's the almost best thing you could reassure people of because so often grief, especially when we lose someone we love so much, it feels like a mark of that love to almost be a martyr. Right? Like, I won't live again. I won't love again. I won't be happy again. To show you how deep the crater is in my life, and it feels like on the other side, they're like, no, no, no, no. Don't let me be a crater. You know, let. Let me be like a beautiful joy that you remember, but, like, keep going. And I don't know, it just seems like the best thing people could hear from you.
- [45:41]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Yeah, it's true. And I feel like a lot of times it sends you in a direction. Like, we started a foundation for kids in grief and. And we named it after both boys, Caleb and Calder Sloan's awesome foundation. And Caleb came to us recently, and he goes, I know we always focus on kids, but since I feel like he's around my parents a lot lately, and he's like, I feel like older people lose their memories. And he's been studying music, and he goes, I think I want to do this project where I create a group where we go sing songs to the older people from their youth so they're like, having fun. Wow.
- [46:22]
Kai Dickens
Caleb wants to do that.
- [46:24]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Yeah, he just did it.
- [46:25]
Kai Dickens
How old is Caleb now?
- [46:27]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
He's 16.
- [46:28]
Kai Dickens
That's awesome.
- [46:29]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
He's awesome. Thank you for saying that. But he just did his first show at my parents senior living community, and, yeah, it just made everyone happy. And I think that's what people want from the other side too. They're like, enjoy that fun.
- [46:48]
Kai Dickens
I'm so proud of Caleb, though. I mean, truly, because I feel like you have two choices, really, every day, which is like, how are you gonna make people feel? And are you gonna dedicate your life to making people feel good and safe or living in a state of fear where you're often trying to knock people down or harm them? And, I mean, obviously, Caleb's been through an incredible amount.
- [47:08]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Yes.
- [47:09]
Kai Dickens
But to know at 16, he's thinking of seniors who are, you know, maybe not feeling safe or losing their memories and trying to create that. I mean, it's such a cool thing.
- [47:19]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
It is. It's really cool. Thank you for saying that. Yeah. Yeah. He's had to live a lot in 16 years.
- [47:27]
Kai Dickens
Yes.
- [47:27]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Yeah, yeah.
- [47:28]
Kai Dickens
There's nothing like that. Well, any closing, like, how's Chris doing now?
- [47:32]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Chris is awesome. He is. He's still nonstop. He, like, works. He went through this whole health thing recently where he was like, I'm gonna get the healthiest I've ever been in my life. And he. And because we're friends with this family who lost their son to brain cancer, that's who I run the grief group with. He took on this challenge of doing this bike ride where you raise money. So every year. He did it first last year, and this year he took it on. He wanted to beat his number and go further and raise more money for research. And I feel like. I feel like that's kind of his M.O. he just wants to keep giving back.
- [48:16]
Kai Dickens
Yeah. So cool. Well, any closing thoughts or. I guess, first to start with, where can people find your book?
- [48:24]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
It's not out yet. I'm hoping to find a perfect publisher by the end of the year. My agents out there are working hard.
- [48:30]
Kai Dickens
Wonderful. Do you have a website or anything if people want to find?
- [48:33]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
I do. Carla Sloan. Net. I have a substack people can look up. And of course, I'm on all the social media channels.
- [48:43]
Kai Dickens
Beautiful. Thank you, Carla. That's it for this episode of the Talk Tracks, but new episodes will be released every Wednesday, so stay tuned as we work to unravel all the threads, even the veiled ones that knit together our reality. And please remember to stay kind, stay curious, and that being a true skeptic requires an open mind. Thank you to my amazing collaborators, producers Kathryn Ellis and Selena Kennedy. Technical directing Audio mix and finishing by Jeremy Cole. Opening and closing music by Elizabeth PW and original logo and cover art by Ben Condora Design. I'm Kai Dickens, your executive producer, writer and host. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it@progressive.com progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.
- [49:46]
Carla Kaufman Sloan
Wherever you go, whatever they get into from chill time to everyday adventures. Protect your dog from parasites with Cridellio Quattro. For full safety information, side effects and warnings, visit cridellioquattrolabel. Com, consult your vet or call 1-885-45973. Ask your vet for Cordelio Quattro and visit quattrodog. Com.