Loading summary
Transcript75 lines
- [00:00]
Shopify Advertiser
When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof, Allbirds or skims, sure you think about a great product, a cool brand and brilliant marketing. But an often overlooked secret is actually the businesses behind the business making, selling and for the shoppers buying simple. For millions of businesses, that business is Shopify. Nobody does selling better than Shopify. Home of the number one checkout on the planet. And the not so secret secret with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales going. So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or scrolling on the web, in your store, in their feed and everywhere in between. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify, upgrade your business and get the same checkout, skims uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com audioboom all lowercase go to shopify.com audioboom to upgrade your selling today.
- [01:07]
Tim Dillon
Shopify.com audioboom Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show. Thank you to everybody who is sharing the trailer for the Netflix show this is your country. The reimagining of a 90s trash TV show with yours truly as the host. We really appreciate it. The trailers had a great response and people are excited about it. Comes out October 1st. Our friend, friend of the show P. Diddy incarcerated in jail in Brooklyn. I mean, what is going on here? What is going on? Diddy is locked. A girl I went to school with was like think very close with him and then scrubbed her whole ig in the last couple of days. Just fun. Not saying who it is. I'm no rat, but I'm just saying it's fun. Other people from school called me. They were like, that's kind of fun, huh? And I go, it's no fun. It's a little fun. It's worth noting. And then she went on a whole thing about Haiti. Uh, Diddy is accused of holding freak offs with male prostitutes. According to court documents, Sean Diddy comes freak offs were arranged by high ranking supervisors, security, household workers and assistants. So he apparently forced people to do sexual acts, perform sex acts. Over a thousand bottles of baby oil and lube were found during the raids which were allegedly used during the freak offs. Coms would force women to partake. It would make embarrassing recordings which he used as blackmail to keep victims quiet. Colum's team would schedule IV delivery after the days long freak off so the victims could recover from the physical exertion and drug use. Well, that's nice. Combs would even track women's locations and keep track of their medical records. The video was filmed in Central park just hours before the rapper was arrested. So he was in Central park and what was he doing? Just having fun.
- [03:28]
Co-host
He was just taking it in.
- [03:29]
Tim Dillon
He was just having fun in Central Park. The last day of freedom. Wow. They're gonna kill him. I think. No, they are. They're clearly gonna kill him. Guards are getting ready to fall asleep as we speak because there's no way that he can go out and say all of the things he knows and talk about all of the people who went to the freak offs. That is my guess. My guess is that they're gonna take him out. It's not only my guess. There are a lot of people that are thinking that he's like the Black Epstein. They gotta get rid of him. He's gonna come out and he's gonna say, hey, everybody. From political figures to big music people to pastors, megachurch people like, I don't think that can go down. I think what's gonna happen is he is going to be. He's going to feel very depressed. That's my guess is that P. Did. He's gonna feel very depressed and he's gonna be sad and he's not gonna wanna go on anymore. I don't know. I can't say for sure, but it seems like an unnecessary risk for all of these people to just allow him to dime on all of them to try to get a lesser sentence, which he will most likely do. Or his cell phone's going to explode. That's the other possibility for P. Diddy. He may. I'm surprised something didn't explode or I'm. I'm surprised that Dildo didn't explode a week ago and take out P. Diddy and exploding Dildo to get rid of P. Diddy. We are now in. It's fully the Marks brothers. Now we have exploding pay. Israel's got panini presses blowing up to try to kill Hezbollah. We have a Caddyshack assassination attempt where the barrel of a gun is sticking out of the bushes on a Palm beach golf course. Like a scene from Abbott and Costello. This is a Marx Brothers. What is the next way they're going to kill Trump with like an exploding cake. It's getting to be like a Laurel and Hardy, 1920s, Three Stooges slapstick country world. Pagers are blowing up all over Lebanon. Cell phones, pagers, tablets. Israel apparently hacking all these devices or planting bombs or what. I don't know the. I don't really know the. I love how America's just really not commenting. They're like, well, we don't really know. Let's. We gotta collect some more information on this. It's. Oh, it's the old exploding pager trick. Um, can we show any of these? We discussed this a few days ago. If we can show any of these. Here's a man shopping.
- [06:32]
Co-host
Yeah, we can show it. We'll just blur the.
- [06:34]
Tim Dillon
Here's a man shopping and then all of the sudden his pager explodes.
- [06:59]
Co-host
It's really not that bad from the top.
- [07:02]
Tim Dillon
Well, here's the deal. Israel certainly has the element of surprise and however, they just will not calm down. Israel will not stop. They are wilding out. They will not stop. And the Middle east is like a tinderbox. And Sheikh Nasrallah, the head of the Lebanese, I believe I'm forgetting Hezbollah is saying this is a declaration of war and they're going to go after Israel. You know, I mean I didn't even know Israel could do that. I didn't even know this was possible to be done. I didn't even know people still used pagers. I didn't even know that pagers could explode. I didn't even know that. I mean a real supply chain issue here. I mean I didn't even know that any of this could happen. That you could be a. That etches sketches could blow up. I mean, I didn't know that this could go down. But you know, this is a black mirror episode. Every day is a new strange episode where it's hard to fully. I guess Israel has a very secretive cybersecurity division, I believe it's called 8200 or something. And Israel's very good at the hacking and whatever. They have a cybersecurity unit, right? Unit. And I forget what it is, but it's a unit of people that do this type of thing. This is what they do. And I don't know exactly what it's called. What are you going to israel.gov go somewhere else? That might be a bit skewed. Unit 8200 is an Israeli intelligence corps unit of the Israeli Defense, the IDF responsible for clandestine operation. The unit is composed primarily of 18 to 21 year old hackers and nerds and fun people that are, I guess, really good at the type of operation that you just witnessed. And don't get it twisted, they will get P. Diddy with the exploding dildo and he will not face trial. There's no way he goes to Trial. If they can do this, if they can do that. You almost wonder, and I mean, again, I don't want to get in. I don't want to be a start with this here. Like, how did Hamas pull this off if they're so good? Like, if this intelligence unit is so amazing. And I know that, like, Netanyahu doesn't really want any investigation into the intelligence failures of October 7th, but they're so good at certain things, and I guess other things are just not as great at. Small amounts of explosives were implanted in beepers that Hezbollah had ordered from a Taiwanese company, according to American and other officials briefed on the operation. I mean. Yeah, here we go. I see it again. There it is. By the way, can we just comment on the produce? Looks nice. Can we just comment on the produce selection there? It does look nice. I don't know. It doesn't seem like the war is ending. Right. This isn't what happens before war ends. You don't hack everybody's smartphone and beeper and start blowing everything up. Right. They're going to blow up my sunglasses soon. You just. Lebanese Health ministry. At least nine dead, 300 injured in walkie talkie explosions. Play a little bit of this.
- [10:46]
News Reporter
At least nine people are dead, hundreds have been wounded, and that's according to the Lebanese Health Ministry. That blast was, like, during a parade.
- [10:54]
Tim Dillon
Yeah.
- [10:54]
News Reporter
In Beirut. Set off panic in the streets, as you can see here. That was amid a crowd attending a funeral for Hezbollah fighters. Early reports indicate the explosions took place in southern Lebanon.
- [11:06]
Tim Dillon
By the way, I'm going. My grandmother sadly passed away. My last grandparent is gone, and I'm going to a funeral, and I'm wondering if there's going to be exploding devices. I imagine not, but who knows? Not everyone in my family loves me. They're not all thrilled with me, let's be honest. Um, Ryan Ralph, who is. What is going on with this guy, Ryan Ralph? Now, you've not been able to find his music?
- [11:35]
Co-host
His song doesn't exist online.
- [11:36]
Tim Dillon
Oh, it doesn't? God damn it. Ryan Ralph was arrested in Palm beach after sticking an assault rifle through the fence while Trump was golfing. Um, this guy's a lunatic who was really inspired by the Ukraine war, by the way, so that's interesting. And which. It does inspire people. You know, I get it. You know, my friend Connor went over there to fight with them. I get it. It's a sad story. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. I'm not. Not. You know what I mean? I'm with it. I get it. I'm with it. Ryan Ralph was arrested in Palm beach because he was trying to kill Trump. Now, this guy's a madman. Um, and he's got the barrel of his rifle coming out of the bushes again, like a scene from Caddyshack. Like, it's a weird, strange thing. I think he's been interviewed on the news a few times. Uh, and by the way, can you get the quotes from his son to the Daily Mail? These were the craziest things I have ever heard. He's like, oh, my dad. He's like, listen, if he wants to be a martyr, you know, I'm not for it. But we all hate the way this. These elections go down every four years. It's the most insane thing that you hear from somebody whose father just tried to, like, kill the president. Orrin Ralph, his son. He goes, I don't have any comment beyond a character profile of him as a loving and caring father and honest, hardworking man. He went on to say, I don't know what's happened in Florida. I hope things have just been blown out of proportion, because from the little I've heard, it doesn't sound like the man I know to do anything crazy. He's a good father and a great man, and I hope you can portray him in an honest light. Then he said like this. He described his father as someone who was not violent, claiming he only had a couple of traffic tickets, but noted that he does hate Trump as every reasonable person does. Lovely son. Keep going down. Um, he goes, I don't like Trump either. He's my dad, and all he's had is a couple of traffic tickets as far as I know. That's crazy. I know my dad and I love my dad, and that's nothing like him. Oren said that it was the first that he had heard about the incident and didn't even know his dad was in Florida, adding, we had a falling out. We've gone apart. Um, so then he comes back, keep going down. Cause he comes back and he says. He goes. He comes back. And I read where he was basically like. He quotes south park, and he says, like, listen, if my dad wants to be a martyr, that's on him. Like, he does this crazy quote where then he's like, it's. It's just like South Park. He goes, it's like every four years, we vote for a douchebag or a turd sample. Like, he starts doing a podcast after they tell him, like, his father almost tried to kill the president. He's like, listen, we all hate this process. I think it was this. Yeah, it might have been the Post. Let's see if we can find it down here. It was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. I was like, this is the craziest thing I have ever heard from the son of somebody who. Yeah, here we go. After abruptly hanging up the phone, Orrin Routh sent a long text to the Daily Mail in which he said, if his father wants to be a martyr, that's his choice. And complained that voters are exhausted and embarrassed by candidates running for the White House. Can you imagine? Keep going.
- [15:25]
Co-host
I'll pull the Daily Mail article. That's where.
- [15:27]
Tim Dillon
Yeah. Can you imagine being told your father just tried to assassinate the President of the United States? And then going like, hey, we're not into this. All this. All this stuff is pretty embarrassing out there, these elections. It's pretty nuts. Your father just tried to assassinate the president. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you, he's not the only one. It's like, the craziest thing in the world. Listen to this. This is what the guy says after his father tries to kill the president. I hate this game. Every four years, and I think we all do. And if my father wants to be a martyr to how broken and dis. Disassociated the process has become from the real problems and practical solutions. And that's his choice, by the way. Can someone arrest this guy? Can someone arrest him? I'm not saying that's what he's done or what he's about. That's just my own rant. Being fed up with it for all of my entire adult life. He wrote, south park said it best every. Can you imagine? His father has tried to assassinate the prey. He's typing this to the Daily Mail. He's sending a text. South park said it best. Every four years, we're forced to choose between a turd sandwich and a giant douche. And it all stays in the same ways by different degrees. And were exhausted and embarrassed by it all. This is after his father has, like, tried to kill the President of the United States. This guy is like doing a pod. That's what you would say on, like, a podcast. That's what you would say. That's like a rant you would go on on, like, a podcast. Not after you've been told your father just tried to kill the President of the United States. Do we have any of Ryan Routh any of his interviews? He was interviewed by some different news organizations and institutions. Had him on and by the way you look at this guy, this is. By the way, this is how you know that people are so ideologically driven in this country that they can no longer recognize a crazy person. Like, the news is so blinded by their hatred for Trump that they no longer recognize this person is a complete psychopath. And in his interviews, he comes off, he reads crazy.
- [17:48]
Guest
Thousands upon thousands of people standing here with the Ukrainians, this Maiden Square, independent square. We should have millions of people in this square, filling the square from every country around the world. And why we don't. I don't understand. I'm here every day with all the flags from all the supporting countries, with the memorials for the people that have died. And, you know, I've had several people come, but just a handful, you know, so it's.
- [18:14]
Tim Dillon
It's. By the way, is it like. Is it the CIA now is just as bad as, like, everything else? Like. Like every hotel you go to, socks, everything's bad. Everything you watch, socks. Like, is that what this is? Like, is Langley just so bad at everything now that it's just the fully bottom of the barrel where they're just grabbing anyone. They're, like, sending this guy over to the Ukraine. I mean, is this how bad it's getting? Is it. Because everything you. Everywhere you go, and we've talked about this at nauseum on the show, everything is disappointing, and everybody's kind of upset you're there, and customer service is dead and client services is over, and people don't want you there. And when you walk in somewhere, people kind of, like, you know, begrudgingly tolerate you. And I'm wondering if the CIA has gotten to that point now where, like, no one. There's it. You would think that they would have a better class of patsy. Like, a better class of patsy. Like, say what you want about Oswald, but he was a better class of patsy than whatever this is. Um, I don't know. I mean, maybe it's. It's a fun thing to think about. They're just sitting around in Virginia going, yeah, we don't know. We don't know. He's the one. He's what we got. He's what we got, you know? Is there any other interview of him?
- [19:38]
Co-host
Um, yeah, hold on.
- [19:40]
Tim Dillon
I think he's done some. Some more mainstream things as well. I mean, this guy is a nut. And I don't know what they're. I don't know what they're charging him with. He's going to share a cell with Diddy.
- [19:52]
Co-host
He. He filed off The. The number. Serial number on his gun. And then, yeah, a couple other things. It's like it's the maximum charge for all those things.
- [20:01]
Tim Dillon
Sure, sure. Here we go.
- [20:03]
Co-host
Here's a couple of different codes from him right here.
- [20:07]
News Correspondent
His son Oren posted. He is a loving and caring father. It doesn't sound like the man I know to do anything crazy, much less violent. Ruth tried to enlist in the international legion of Foreign fighters in Ukraine, but was considered too old.
- [20:21]
Guest
We need 100,000 people here fighting.
- [20:23]
News Correspondent
Instead, he became a recruiter. CBS News senior foreign correspondent Holly Williams was in contact with Ruth for more than a year.
- [20:30]
Tim Dillon
Can you imagine?
- [20:31]
News Reporter
Ruth seemed very sincere, but at times, you know, perhaps somewhat naive. At one point, he even sent me an audio track of a song that he'd apparently recorded about the carnage caused by the war in Ukraine.
- [20:45]
Tim Dillon
So, again, this is just my point. This guy's a complete lunatic. He's sending songs to the people that work at CBS News. Can you imagine this? And instead of going, hey, this guy's a lunatic. We should cease all communication with him. He's actually a massive problem. Instead of doing that, this woman continues the relationship. He's a bit naive. He's a sweet boy, but he's a bit naive.
- [21:15]
News Reporter
He certainly did not give the impression of being a hardened fighter.
- [21:21]
News Correspondent
Just last week at the debate with Kamala Harris, President Trump was lukewarm in his support for Ukraine.
- [21:26]
Tim Dillon
Yeah, I mean, again, this has nothing to do. Why do they go right into that? I love how they go right into that. They go right into that. How about the fact that CBS was corresponding for a year with a guy who tried to kill the President of the United States? Is that worth a mention? And they go right into the. Trump was lukewarm for his support of the Ukraine. They just. They gloss over that. Yeah, this journalist. It should. There. People are blinded by such hatred. It's like if Fox News was, like, communicating with a militia member for a year who was, like, sending them songs about migrants and then tried to kill. Kamala. Kamala, whatever. Like, you can't be blinded by rage and hatred to a point where you cannot recognize what's in front of your face, which is a psychopath. How. What song did he. God, I want the song.
- [22:22]
Co-host
So there's flashes of, like, there. He's tweeted out, like, Bruno Mars and a couple other people.
- [22:27]
Tim Dillon
Yeah, because he wants a collab. He wants a collab. I'd love a Bruno Mars pro Ukraine song. This is him.
- [22:37]
Co-host
This is before his Twitter got nuked.
- [22:39]
Tim Dillon
Before he used to be George Galloway, which is an Irish politician. Okay. Bruno Mars, I live in Hawaii, was in Ukraine for eight months and need help producing a tribute song for Ukraine. I have all lyrics and some music. Well, I'm sure Bruno Mars's people were. I'm sure that never got to them. How exciting. But that is something that your celebrity might do that's not beyond the realm of possibility. That, like, Bruno Mars would go out there with this guy.
- [23:05]
Co-host
He did Bono. It was Bono and Bruno Mars.
- [23:07]
Tim Dillon
Sure. Well, he's, he's tweeting at the people he thinks are going to bite. There's, you know, Bono is socially conscious. I don't know that Bruno Mars is. Maybe, maybe he is, maybe he's not, but I would have loved that. He's just, he's just tweeting at celebrities, musicians, going, let's, you know, we are the world, we are the Ukraine. Vice said we were white nationalists, but we forgot them. We want Crimea. It's a land bridge we all love. Putin's gonna invade Poland if we don't have another trillion dollars. Um, I'm sure it would've rhymed better and whatnot, but Diddy denied bail for sex trafficking, prostitution, and the freak offs. They're not letting Diddy bail himself out because they know someone's going to kill him. See, here's what's interesting. You would think, oh, they're not letting him out because they think people are going to kill him on the outside. They know that he might survive on the. They're going to kill him on the inside. They're like, no, no, no, no bail for you. We'll get to you on the inside. We want to make sure we get to you on the inside. Um, let's talk for a minute about the migrant situation in Aurora, Colorado, because what has been. This is the Wall Street Journal again, by the way, doing great work. The Wall Street Journal does. I mean, it's so good what they do, and it's so amazing what they're doing. And Michelle Hackman, whoever that woman is who's writing at the Wall Street Journal, thank God, because Michelle and the Journal has decided to basically correct the record on this. Aurora, Colorado. Don't get her picture up. It doesn't matter what she looks like. Go back to the article. They're correcting the record here because what's going to happen is everybody who is familiar with the story has gotten it wrong because people think that migrants have taken over a building in Aurora, Colorado, because of a, you know, viral video that went Viral. Do we have the viral video? Can we get the viral video? Let's watch the video. So now, by the way, I want everyone to watch this. What you're watching is good. This is not a problem. The Wall Street Journal's telling you this. The. They did not take over a Bill. They did not. The. The. The violent Venezuelan prison gang did not take over this building. It was a routine assassination in one of the units. It was. They did not take over the building. It's, it's. This is. Eight of the ten men were arrested. No big deal. Eight of the ten violent Venezuelan prison gang members with military grade weaponry who were in the. So again, this is the Wall Street Journal writing an article telling people to relax, going, hey, why don't you fucking relax, you racist? Because what you thought was a full takeover of a building was not. It was just 10 violent Venezuelan prison gang members carrying out a routine operation or something they felt needed to be done. Let's watch this video here. This is nice. What's wrong with this? What is wrong with this? Why would anyone have a problem with this in their country? Thank you, Wall Street Journal. This is nice. It's a picnic. They're getting a. They're going. It's for a picnic. Some of the residents are moving out because they're afraid of the Venezuelan gang activity. Racists everywhere. These people. By the way, the building itself doesn't look great. So get up. This article, it's. This is so funny. Standing on his front stoop, Richard Valen struggled to describe the recent feeling of unease that had settled over him. It's creeping up here. The evidence of crime, undocumented people around the 77 year old told a Republican campaign volunteer knocked on his door, gesturing out at his quiet street 20 minutes north of Denver. I know it sounds racist, but there's a lot of Spanish. I don't know if these people will ever blend in, says Velon, a Republican voter and former insurance salesman. Now, by the way, understand that he is the villain of this article, not the eight Venezuelan gang members with the gun. Good. Okay. These days, the major incident troubling him and many others in his area is the August murder in an apartment building in nearby Aurora. And now viral video taken minutes before the shooting has aired on a local Fox affiliate showed several Venezuelan men in one of the building's hallways carrying long guns. People have tied the killing to the violent Venezuelan street gang trend. Aragua. Aragua. I'm not going to Aragua. Maybe I don't know how to do it. But the video Taken by someone's doorbell camera inside the building quickly metastasized into exaggerated claims of a gang takeover of the building, the neighborhood, in the entire city. The Aurora incident and its fallout have heightened existing fears in Colorado and elsewhere that immigrants in the country legally are making communities less safe. Well, you remember, no one is, no one is saying that there were not. The guys in the. In, they didn't. They killed a guy in an apartment building. I don't understand when Trump wins again, by the way, when he wins again and people go, how did it happen? How did it happen? What about Taylor Swift? If he wins again, when he might win again, I don't know. But I want people to remember this article. I want people to remember that the Wall Street Journal spent their time writing an article saying that the fears of people who lived in this community were completely unfounded and that this situation was being misrepresented. There are guys in the, in the corridor with guns and they're killing someone, but it's okay. They didn't take over the whole building. They didn't take over the whole neighborhood. It's not that big of a deal. It's not a. Former President Donald Trump has used the story of Aurora distorted and amplified by right wing news outlets to bolster his tough on immigration message in the race against. Can you imagine thinking this place with people, by the way, can you imagine writing this article thinking it lands? Can you imagine writing this article thinking it lands? Who in God's name does this land with? Participants in a Wall Street Journal poll from late August said Trump would be best able to handle immigration rather than Harris. Harris hasn't spoken about Aurora, but she was asked. She's never just asked about anything, but she was asked about another incident of misinformation around migrates to Springfield, Ohio. There, Haitian immigrants were baselessly accused by Trump and others of stealing and eating. So this article, the job of this article is basically to come out and go, listen, guys, we understand you're all racists and you don't like the Venezuelan people with the military grade weaponry in the hallway of the building because you're racist. But what we would really like you to correct a record. We want to correct a record and say that those people were arrested. 8 of 10 they were arrested. The people that came into the country in the prison gang that were showing up at the apartment complex to murder someone were. They were. They didn't do what everyone's saying they did. They didn't, by the way. Nobody thought they took over a town, but it doesn't mean you're running the town to take over a town. By the way, if I say rats have taken over the town, it doesn't mean rats are the mayor. It means there's a lot of rats in the town. So if I. And I'm not saying that, but these are prison gang people. But the point is this. If I say, you know, pokey shops have taken over the town, it doesn't mean that the mayor is a poke bowl with rice. What it means is that it's always a food example. But what it means is that there's a lot of poke shops in the town. Nobody thought that a Venezuelan prison gang was now running the town. It's a figure of speech, by the way, but the idea that this, like, article is the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. They're like, what's the pro. It was one murder. It was one murder. What's the big deal? Instead of, instead of the Wall Street Journal, the article should be, there are clearly problems with migration. Which candidate best to handle these? Instead of telling people what they're seeing isn't real? This never works. Telling people what they're seeing in front of their face that isn't real never works. Concede the point that there's issues. There are. Show the video again, please. There's videos. Concede there's an issue. Is there not an issue here? If you lived in this apartment complex, would you not feel like this was an issue? Well, it's overstated, actually. There are people with guns in the hallway. Well, it's actually been amplified. It's not that big of a deal. They never took over the whole town. There's eight or 10 people here. A lot of them have guns in an apartment building. They shouldn't be in the country. Well, it's actually a kind of exaggerated. It's not that big of a deal. Yeah, well, people said that they actually took hostages, but they didn't. They just killed someone. Sperm counts are dropping worldwide. Today, the average man is only half as fertile as his grandfather was. Scientists think that's due to a variety of factors, including the obesity epidemic, diet and pollution. One in ten men have a low sperm count. One in six couples will experience infertility. 50% of those cases are attributable to sperm. Experts say we're facing a sperm crisis. By 2045, testosterone therapy, TRT, can actually lower stop sperm production. It can reduce a man's sperm count to zero within six weeks. Sperm is a biomarker for Your overall health. It can tell you about your risk for things like cancer, heart disease and even premature death. Sperm quality peaks around 30, then declines 1% each year. Contrary to conventional wisdom, not every man can produce healthy children at any age. By age 45, men have six times the risk of infertility or producing a child with birth defects or neurological issues. Legacy sends a sample collection kit to a client's home. It is a very safe and easy way. Okay. To make sure that you are getting your sperm at when it is peak, men produce a semen sample at home and send the kit back within 24 hours. The kit contains transport media that keeps the sperm sample fresh until it arrives at the lab. It's analyzed sperm health results. 5 Industry standard metrics of sperm quality, the same provided by traditional fertility clinic, are securely sent to the client's phone within 48 hours of them mailing the sample. It's time to take your future into your own hands. Testing and freezing your youngest, healthiest sperm keeps all your future options open. Legacy offers sperm testing and freezing. You could do 100% from your home. To see if sperm testing and freezing is right for you, visit GiveLegacy.com use promo code T I M for 10 off. That's G I V E Legacy.com promo code TM so many people are on the roads right now getting the kids to school, going to different activities, and inevitably there's going to be accidents. We hate to say that, but it's true. Okay, not only on the roads, everywhere, hot coffee, all kinds of stuff. Morgan and Morgan is America's largest injury law firm. They have over 100 offices nationwide and more than 1000 lawyers. With over $20 billion recovered for over 500,000 clients. Morgan and Morgan has a proven track record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation no matter what happened. Car accident, slip and fall, hot coffee, fall off a ladder or something. You have to immediately call Morgan and Morgan. If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. That's amazing. For more information, go to for the people dot com Tim or dial pound law pound 529 from your cell phone. That's for the people dot com. So for example, my friend's mother was in a mall and she was walking and there was a wet floor and they didn't have the wet floor sign and she fell and she cracked her hip and her husband left her, she said, and Morgan and Morgan took the case because it was the right thing to do. And they got her A whole bunch of money. Go to forthepeople.com timmerdahl £law £529 from your cell. This is a paid advertisement. Everyone around the comedy world knows not every joke delivers. But Harry's always delivers. They send the best quality razors right to your door for a fraction of the price of the big brands. The most annoying thing in the world is walking into a drugstore and trying to get a razor. They're all locked up. You have to find somebody to unlock the thing. It's so much money. They never last. It's a bad idea. Better designed shaving products at a better price is no joke. It's Harry's. I love Harry's. I love them. I love them. You know why? They come right to your door. They're delivered. It's a great shaving experience. I mean it is one of the things that I look at and I say to myself, it is, it is. It is not only cost effective but the quality is so good, I'd pay more for this. German engineered blades made in their own factory that stay sharp longer. Customizable delivery options for scheduled refills as low as $2. Half of what you pay for other big brands. Get a five blade razor weighted handle, foaming shave gel and a travel cover for just three bucks at Harry's.com D I L L o N Richly lathering skin softening body wash and scents like redwood, wildlands and stone Extra strength high quality amazing smelling deodorant for just $5. Plus hair and other grooming products that fit your unique look and needs. They've got the highest customer satisfaction in the shaving industry. No risk. Trial folks don't like your shave. No worries, it's on them. Convenient subscription options that you can cancel at any time. This is a great way to support the show and it's a great way to shave. It's the best way to shave. Get the shaving products that always deliver. Get Harry's. Get started with a 13 trial set for just $3 at harry's.com-l l o n that's harry's.com-l L o n for $3 trial set. Death of the minivan. I'll tell you what needs to happen. You know who needs to find the minivan? The Venezuelan prison gangs. By the way, what about our own criminals? What about our own hard working United States criminals that now have to compete with a very vicious gang of people that we're bringing in? Our own criminals. Our own people that have fallen through the cracks that are making a living with stick ups and drug sales and things like that. They have to compete with foreign workers coming in, coming into their apartment buildings with guns and killing the people they should be killing. And frankly, it's disgusting. The death of the minivan. It was a perfect vehicle. No, it was not. The minivan dilemma, it is the least cool vehicle ever designed, yet the most useful, offering the best value for the most. The minivan, by the way, destroyed everyone I know's life. The minivan immediately became like. This is why everyone in my generation did not have a clean house until they had to go to therapy for years. Their parents had this mobile garbage trash compactor called a minivan that we all were driven around in where when we were children, we would fling Dunkaroos and Milano cookies and fucking fun dip and we would throw them all over this car. And they had like those felt seats or whatever, you know that, that cushion seat and it was like a weird velvet and it was always sticky with. It looked like that. Everyone in my generation was damaged irreparably by growing up with minivans. Eating in them, fighting with your brothers and sisters and friends in them, having your parents. It was all part of going through a drive through, eating the food, throwing the food. And look at them. This is, this is the way they looked. And that's why when my generation of people went to college, their dorms were disgusting. When they first got girlfriends, their girlfriends went, what the, how were you raised? And they were raised in a fucking minivan by boomers. That turned it into a disgusting environment on wheels. The cars you grew up in are the reason you're an animal. They are. And if you didn't grow up in a minivan that's filthy, good for you. But if you did, you're an animal. The cars you grew up in, the cars that you sat in the back of, that was your example, okay, of what was tolerated and what was not tolerated. There were certain friends I had where the cars were immaculate. Most not, but some, but a lot of my close friends because the classes, you know, don't really commingle. Most of my lower middle class dirtbag friends and their dirtbag families had minivans and no one took any pride in. A minivan was bought to be destroyed. You hated it. You hated the fact that you were in it. It was a roving garage of shit. And you would see them, you would all. You would get in line at Wendy's and it would be minivan. My mother had an econoline Ford van. The minivan wasn't enough. She needed a big van that had a bed in the back because she would always go and get antiques. She would pick up furniture that people had left outside of their houses in the hopes that she was going to refurbish it. But the minivan, I couldn't think of a type of vehicle that did more damage to people than the minivan. Here's, here's what the minivan did. It made everybody a fatty boom baddie number one. You don't need that much space. You don't, you don't. You don't need that much space. The minivan was so that you could go and shop and buy crap, put it in the car. You could go eat and put leftovers in the car. Your kids could play with toys in the car. And everything that should have been reserved for a location that didn't move and wasn't in traffic would be happening in the car. You could eat in the car. Everybody, here's your food. Everybody eat in the car. Everyone's covered in ketchup. Great. Here's some napkins. There's ketchup all over the thing. It's sticky. It's filthy. It was the worst car, and it made the worst people. It did. Anyone that grew up in minivan knows exactly what I'm talking about. My grandparents never had a minivan. My grandfather had a. He had a Crown Vic. He had a Cadillac El Dorado. He had a Crown Vic. Nobody ate in the car. You did not eat in the car. You were not allowed. As soon as the minivans came around, not only were you allowed to eat in the car, it was actually required. That's why we got it. We got it so you could eat your fat, stuff your fat face in the car. Because we're animals and we got to eat on the way to practice for this thing. We got to eat on the way to karate. And you can't fit in the belt that you're not going to get upgraded to anyway. You would, you would eat on the way. To think they would pick you up at school in the minivan. You would go, you would eat, and then they would take you to wherever and then they would, you know, drop you off and then pick you up. Eating, eating, eating. Always dirty, filthy toys. Toys in the minivan. Play with these toys. Play around. It was a. Discussing. The minivan arrived way back when, as a savior, when Chrysler, under the former Ford chief Lee Iacocca's direction, first conceived of the design in the late 1970s, one was the land yacht style station wagon. Perhaps an avocado green with faux wood paneling. Lots of kids could pile into the bench and jump seats, while the rear storage, accessible by hatch, allowed for easy loading. These cars were somewhat functional, but they didn't seem that safe. The suburban family's other choice was the full size van, a big boxy transporter utility vehicle. Chrysler's minivan would steer clear of those two dead ends and carry American families onto the open roads towards, well, youth soccer and mall commerce. It really did bring innovation. Ample seating organized in rows with easy access, with the ability to stow those seats in favor of a large cargo bay with a set of sliding doors. So everybody loved these things. Sales reached 700,000 by the end of the decade as the station wagon all but disappeared and the minivan came in. People lived in their cars. They ate in their cars. The nation where cars stood in for power and freedom. The minivan would mean the opposite. As a vehicle, it symbolize the burdens of domestic life. This is true. It's why you could treat it like shit. That's why the minivan you could treat like shit. Because it was a utility vehicle. It was a vehicle to go literally from point A to point B. You weren't gonna stop at the grocery store and get food and go home and cook it. You were gonna drive through a mobile poison factory and kill your children on the way to fucking dropping them off at dance class so your fat daughter could learn how to do a pirouette. No car represented the decline of this empire more than the minivan. None. And no car was beloved more by the boomer more than the minivan. Because they needed space. Boomers needed space. There it is, the Chrysler Town and Country show. That one, that was the high end one. Go to the Chrysler Town and Country. Town and Country Chrysler. That's kind of nice. My aunt had that. This is the old one. That's the old Chrysler Town and Country. It's. People would pick you up with that. They would pick you up at school and they would sit you in that and then they would fucking douse you in maple syrup and then bring you to a fucking soccer game. It is crazy. If you're driving one of those now, it's like, God, so what, are they being replaced by fentanyl SUVs, right? I mean, what's, what's replacing the minivan? Suicide. Just people just checking out. Human trafficking is diddy. The minivan is out, Diddy. Trafficking your children is replacing the minivan. Chrysler is struggling to keep up. Israel should make all of those blow up. By the way, you want to impress me? Blow up the minivans in wherever Lebanon. You blow up the minivans in Lebanon. Impress me. It's so funny. I mean, yeah, it really Black Friday is coming.
- [48:01]
Advertiser
And for the adults in your life who love love the coolest toys, well, there's something for them this year too. Bartisian is the premier craft cocktail maker that automatically makes more than 60 seasonal and classic cocktails each in under 30 seconds at the push of a button. And right now Bartisian is having a huge site wide sale. You can get $100 off any cocktail maker or cocktail maker bundle when you spend $400 or more. So if the cocktail lover in your life has been good this year or or the right kind of bad, get them Bartesian at the push of a button. Make bar quality Cosmopolitans, Martinis, Manhattans and more all in just 30 seconds. All for 100 off. Amazing toys aren't just for kids. Get 100 off a cocktail maker when you spend 400 through Cyber Monday. Visit bartesian.com cocktail that's B A R T E S ian.com cocktail Listen up folks.
- [49:00]
Time could be running out to lock in a historic yield@public.com as of September 23, 2024, you can lock in a 6% or higher yield with a bond account. But here's the thing. The Federal Reserve just announced a big rate cut and the plan is for more rate cuts this year and in 2025 as well. That's good news if you're looking to buy a home, but it might not be so good for the interest you earn on your cash. So if you want to lock in a 6% or higher yield with a diversified portfolio of high yield and investment grade bonds, you might want to act fast. The good news? It only takes a couple of minutes to sign up@public.com and once you lock in your yield, you can earn regular interest payments even as rates decline. Lock in a 6% or higher yield with a bond account@public.com but hurry. Your yield is not locked in until you invest. Brought to you by Public Investing member Finran sipc. Yield to worst is not guaranteed. Not an investment recommendation. All investing involves risk. Visit public.com disclosures for more info.
- [49:59]
Tim Dillon
Biden wearing the MAGA hat at the rally I love because you know Biden wants Trump to win. Biden hates her and he hates what they did to him. Other than Biden being completely out of his mind, I don't know. Was he the worst candidate. Let's look at Biden. Yeah, I know, man. I'm an old guy, and you're an old.
- [50:20]
Co-host
I know you would know about that.
- [50:22]
Tim Dillon
What?
- [50:23]
Guest
I'll be old.
- [50:24]
Tim Dillon
Oh, I know. All right. Biden's kind of spry. Biden's kind of tough, and he's a little spry. How do you like him when he comes alive again? He's like, I know you would know about being old. You got to remember how much anger Biden has because everything in his life has been horrible. So he can. He can marshal that anger when he needs to. He's like, I know you'd know about being old. He's thinking about his wife being fucking killed in the accident and the kids and the son, and he's mad, and then he's thinking about this bitch and Obama and everybody who kicked him out of the fucking. I mean, he looks good here, but let's see this. Let's see him. Put on the Trump hat. I need that hat. Hell, no. Come on.
- [51:11]
Guest
I ain't going that far.
- [51:12]
Tim Dillon
Yeah, do it. He loves it. He loves it. Biden's fun. Biden's kind of fun. Biden's kind of fun. Biden's, like, fun now. No eating dogs and cats. He's doing. I'm telling you right now, I want him to do something else. I don't want to lose him now that he's just not going to be the president. He's fun now. He's fun. He's better than anyone at the Emmys. Give him an Emmy. I want to talk about this Costco family before I get out of here, because, you know, it's so interesting. This Costco family has taken the world by storm. No, we don't know anything. Oh, God, please let me prepare myself before this starts just happening.
- [52:10]
Co-host
It's not played. It's not played.
- [52:11]
Tim Dillon
No, it's. By the way, everything that I thought, like, the country would turn into, it's somehow worse. And I like. I'm, like, hyperbolic. Like, I like. You look. Listen to my old shit. It's like everything's dialed up to an 11, and we're at, like, a third 13 in this country right now. So I don't even know what these people are or who they are, but they are kind of interesting, and you can't stop watching them, but it is. Something's, like, crazy and wrong, and they're this family. They're like Costco influencers. And the dad, they got to meet, like, Gary V. And the dad's like, the dad goes, I've been following gary vee for 10 years. The dad's clearly been trying to get famous forever, okay? And he goes, I've been following gary v. For 10 years. And he's like, really responsible for this. And I'm like, don't even blame this on Gary Vee. Like, there's no way that Gary Vee even co signed this. Like, if this guy went to Gary Vee and was like, so I'm just gonna look at the camera, go, double choc chocolate cookie. I think Gary Vee would even go, yeah, I don't know, maybe you should do something else. I think Gary V. Would even go, like, maybe that's not the way to do it. Double talk. Like, there's no way that Gary V. For all his craziness, co signed any of this. This is a complete accident here. Can you get one up where they dance?
- [53:36]
Co-host
Yeah, give me a sec.
- [53:37]
Tim Dillon
Is YouTuber somebody gonna. Is are we gonna get in trouble for playing the song? Bring the boom.
- [53:45]
Co-host
Costco family.
- [53:47]
Tim Dillon
Yeah, I mean, they're Costco influencers. One of my friends son saw the Rizzler the other day in Long Island.
- [54:00]
Co-host
We bring the bow. That's what we do. We bring the bowl, we bring the boom to you. We bring the boom, we bring the boom to heaven.
- [54:11]
Tim Dillon
Why is it good? Is it because we want death? Like, we long for death in this. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm like, why is this kind of entertaining? Is it like. Is it like we just want this civilization to crumble as quickly as possible? I think that's what it is. It's like the ultimate just like, well, fuck it. Because I watch this, I'm not nearly as disturbed by it as I should be. I just kind of like, you end up kind of just. We bring the boom and I go, is it just. It's the. By the way, it's the darkest thing I have ever seen. There is nothing darker than this. No, I'm serious. There is nothing darker than this. We bring the boom and they have to the cookies going like this. The fact that this is kind of entertaining signifies we are at the end. We are posting any type of like, we are postpartum. We are post mortem. Like, we are done here. I watch this stuff and I'm watching them and I'm watching they do the. We bring the boom and they're eating these cookies and these things. And I'm like, why? This doesn't shock me. It doesn't disturb me. It simply is A curiosity, but I think what it is and I think the reason for its popularity is we long now kind of openly for some type of nuclear holocaust or a natural disaster. Like a major natural disaster. Like, there's nothing else that I can glean from the popularity of this other than people are fully, subconsciously or consciously wishing for, like a black hole to swallow up the universe. Can you please play more of this.
- [55:56]
Co-host
Your favorite father and son?
- [55:59]
Tim Dillon
Every afternoon on your fyp, we'll be.
- [56:02]
Co-host
Bringing the boom around the quarter.
- [56:05]
Tim Dillon
This is why we fought the Iraq war. Get the Rizzler. I don't want. Get the Rizzler, please. You know, the Rizzler's going to jail one day. Like, it's going to be. They're going to be like. Social media star known as the Rizzler was apprehended after a fight with his girlfriend in the Cheesecake Factory. I can't understand any of this. There we go. Here he is. The Rizzler is the whole thing, really. I mean, the other two are great, but the Rizzler is the thing. Or a double chunk chocolate cookie. I'm gonna have to give the chicken base the boom and the double chunk chocolate chocolate adoon. You heard it from the wrestler. I never had one of these before. Now let me just say. Can I just ask you a question? What happens next in society? You know what I mean? Like, like, what exactly would be next here? What is act two to the like. What does this, like, foretell? You know, like this is a. It's just. Look at the face. Can you zoom in on the. On the chunk chocolate cookie guy's face? What? This guy is going to kill them all Chris Benoit style. There's no way he doesn't kill this whole family. He's going to bring the boom. All right, all right. Get him out of here. I like them now. I do like them. I. Why do I like them? That's the problem. I don't understand why they are, but I think they're good because we fully, like, we've released ourselves from any expectation that anything will ever make sense or that anything will be. Even though we're pattern seeking creatures and we can use reason and logic, it seems like we're done with that. And it seems like we're kind of just vibing. Three Americans tried to overthrow a government in the Congo and they were sentenced to death. And I support it. We talked about this on the show. I do support that. If you go to another country, try to overthrow their government, you will be sentenced to death. And I'm not saying you should die, but I do support. I do support the government of the con. Like, I'm not trying to explain this. It's one of those what do you think's gonna happen? Stories. I'm not. Again, I'm not for. I don't want them to die. But let's zoom out. What do you think is gonna happen? And what do you mean you got caught up in the Congo in the wrong thing? Let's, let's watch some of this here.
- [59:04]
News Reporter
Three U.S. citizens were among 37 defendants sentenced to death by a military court on Friday for the role in a failed coup in the Democratic Republic of Congo.
- [59:14]
Tim Dillon
That's in Aurora, Colorado. We bring the boom. That's what we do. We bring the boom. Trend. Agra. Whatever. All right, keep. Let's keep watching this, please.
- [59:27]
News Reporter
Armed men briefly occupied an office of the presidency on May 19 before their leader, US based Congolese politician Christian Malanga, was killed by security forces. His son, Marcel Malanga, was among the Americans on trial, along with Marcel's friend Tyler Thompson, who played high school football with him in Utah. Both are in their 20s. The third American, Benjamin Zalman Palloon, was a business associate of Christian Malanga. All three were found guilty of.
- [59:59]
Tim Dillon
Man, you. That's. This is when crypto goes bad. You know that kid, that crypto kid go back to his face. A business associate. Yeah. He was like, right. No, I guarantee you this is a shitcoin gone wrong. He's like, no, no, no, we're going to the Congo. We're going to have a coin, the Malanga coin. We get it. You get it. He was definitely talking about crypto with the guy that got shot in the attempted coup. There is no way he was not talking about crypto. Let's keep going here.
- [60:32]
News Reporter
Malanga. All three were found guilty of criminal conspiracy, terrorism and other charges and sentenced to death in a ruling read on live tv. Milanga had previously told the court that his father had threatened to kill him unless he participated. He also told the court it was his first time visiting Congo at the invitation of his father, whom he had not seen in years. The Americans are among some 50 people, including US, British, Canadian, Belgian and Congolese citizens standing trial.
- [61:05]
Tim Dillon
The State Department will probably do something here. They might. They'll probably do something. They might get these kids out. The State Department will probably do. I don't know, maybe not.
- [61:19]
Co-host
Mitt Romney said something like it was a delicate situation.
- [61:22]
Tim Dillon
Yeah, they're doing something. You know what they should do, by the way? They should Send over double chalk chocolate cookies. Do you want a cookie? You want a chicken bake? Send the Congo a couple of chicken bakes so we could get these three kids back. I'm not trying to celebrate their death. I'm just saying you can't go to the Congo and try to overthrow a government. According to npr, neither of Utah's two Republican senators, Mitt Romney, Mike Lee, have called on the Biden administration to request their release. Um, I mean, listen, who knows what's going on? Maybe they're back channeling. Do, do the boom dance again. Firing squad, by the way, which is not nice. But that's what happens if they get it. Firing squad.
- [62:18]
Co-host
We bring the boom. That's what we do. We bring the boom. We bring the boom to you. We bring the boom. We bring the boom to everyone. We bring the boom. Your favorite father and son. Every afternoon on your fyp, we'll be bringing the boom around a quarter past three.
- [62:40]
Tim Dillon
Why don't you show showed this to the people from the Congo. Wouldn't their hearts be warmed? They go, what is going on over there? What's happening? Just dancing with food. I don't know. I don't know what's going on anymore. I just know that Diddy did nothing wrong. What if that was what I did? Like, when the Netflix thing came out, like, I just became a Diddy truther. And like I, my whole, I, I, my whole Persona, it became dedicated to freeing Diddy. Like, my entire Persona just became dedicated to freeing Sean, Puff Daddy, P. Diddy Combs. I don't know what to say. I feel bad. They say Justin Bieber's very upset. I'm not going to read the indictment.
- [63:34]
Co-host
It's funny in the indictment how it's like Sean Combs, AKA Puff Daddy, AKA P. Diddy, AKA Diddy.
- [63:38]
Tim Dillon
Like, yeah, well, it's basically they're saying, like, you know, there's a lot of technicalities and they want to be like, no, all of that. Who's ever referencing you? They mean you. You know, I don't know what he was involved in. It sounds like he was doing some type of Epstein esque behavior, um, and he was blackmailing people. And if that's the case, depending on how high level the people he was blackmailing are, they might get to him. Somebody might blow up his pager, blow up his phone. I didn't even know that could happen. I didn't even know it could happen. Every day you wake up to something completely new. That's why you have to, you go to bring the boom. You go to boomer doom because you can't even. You can't even. It's not even real. And life's not real anymore. So you're just like, what? They're like, Israel's blowing up people's pagers in the grocery store. And you go, we bring the boom. That's what we do. We bring. You have to. Where? Where are you gonna go? Where are you gonna go anymore? Life's real. Reality is not even close to being real. She gotta bring the boom. And then you go, just crazy family, they're bringing the boom and the doom. They're eating cookies. You. I don't know. I guess that's better than watching a guy's cell phone kill him on a moped. Double chocolate. I do it pretty good. Israel blew up my double choc chocolate corky. The IDF unit 8200. They put a microscopic bomb in my double choc chocolate corky. Timdylancomedy.com for any of the live engagements. If you want to buy a ticket, do we have another pod before October 1st?
- [65:42]
Co-host
Yes.
- [65:43]
Tim Dillon
Right? Yeah. Okay. October 1st. This is your country. The trailer. Should we play it on the show? No, no. Go watch it. Go bring the boom. Good night.
- [65:58]
Advertiser
Black Friday is coming. And for the adults in your life who love the coolest toys, well, there's something for them this year too. Bartisian is the premier craft cocktail maker that automatically makes more than 60 seasonal and classic cocktails each in under 30 seconds at the push of a button. And right now, Bartisian is having a huge site wide sale. You can get $100 off any cocktail maker or cocktail maker bundle when you spend $400 or more. So if the cocktail lover in your life has been good this year or the right kind of bad, get them Bartesian at the push of a button. Make bar quality cosmopolitans, martinis, Manhattans and more, all in just 30 seconds. All for 100 off. Amazing toys aren't just for kids. Get a hundred off a cocktail maker when you spend 400 through Cyber Monday, visit bartesian.com cocktail that's B A R T E S I A N dot.
- [66:56]
Com cocktail Listen up, folks. Time could be running out. To lock in a historic yield@public.com as of September 23, 2024, you can lock in a 6% or higher yield with a bond account. But here's the thing. The Federal Reserve just announced a big rate cut and the plan is for more rate cuts this year and in 2025 as well. That's good. News if you're looking to buy a home, but it might not be so good for the interest you earn on your cash. So if you want to lock in a 6% or higher yield with a diversified portfolio of high yield and investment grade bonds, you might want to act fast. The good news? It only takes a couple of minutes to sign up@public.com and once you lock in your yield, you can earn regular interest pay even as rates decline. Lock in a 6% or higher yield with a bond account@public.com but hurry. Your yield is not locked in until you invest. Brought to you by Public Investing member Finran sipc, Yield to worst is not guaranteed. Not an investment recommendation. All investing involves risk. Visit public.com disclosures for more info.