Guest (6:27)

At least 10 years. Yeah.

Tim Dillon (6:29)

I'm on the deep end. I ruined a movie. Everyone loses money.

Guest (6:37)

Six years ago.

Tim Dillon (6:38)

26 years, whatever. Six years is an eternity now. So they got her in this, ruining it. They got Joaquin, who's doing. You know, he's a brilliant actor, but he's, you know, they got him trying to be Fred Astaire. It's a big mistake. And on set, I would turn to my friend Jimmy, who was one of the guards, and I'd go, what is happening? And he'd go, this is not going to be good. And we'd have great lunches every day. Because it's a $300 million budget. The lunches were. I mean, we all went into this thinking this was going to be great because we got there, we showed up. I'd never done a film like this. I did Thanksgiving. They lobbed off my head. Great. Now we got to this. I'm on the Universal lot. Even though it's a Warner Brothers movie, they've rented a bunch of lots on the Universal lot. They have recreated the Arkham Asylum. I am sitting there. We have a lot of different prison guards. We're all talking to each other. We are having lunches. We have a pasta bar. We have lobster tails. We have fish, tuna, salmon being grilled and served to us. For the first few days, the lunches went downhill as the thing continued, they got cheaper. The craft service table was amazing. Okay? We're looking at Joaquin. Gaga's not there. We're looking at Joaquin. We're going. We're in it. We are in Joker 2. This is legendary, okay? The worst thing anyone has ever seen. I mean, ever, ever, ever. Every time it looked like something may kind of be good happen, they would start with that shit. Like, you know, for once in my life, I have someone who needs me. Someone who needs me. And they're doing the dance and I'm like, God, what is this? It's. It was heinous, to use a word. I Use way too much. And I. We. We knew it. I had a nice little scene. It was quick. In fact, I missed my scene. I was talking. I was texting on the phone about how bad this movie is. There you go. Show the people. I was texting on the phone about how atrocious the film is. I miss my scene. I didn't even see it. And I just walked out and looked on the beach. It was that bad. And. But it's changed my life in many ways. You know, being in the worst film ever made, being in the death of a popular. What a franchise. Technically, it's the biggest Hollywood bomb of the year. That's not nothing. That's not nothing. Timmy boy is in the biggest Hollywood bomb of the year. Let's be honest. That is not nothing. A lot of people fail quietly. This is a massive, big budget blowout failure. And I am involved and I'm proud of that. Here's how bad this film is. I cannot show this to anyone ever. I can never say I was in a movie and then show it to. So that's how bad it is. If I said I was in a movie and I showed this to someone years from now, they would go, are you pranking me? When I put this on and you heard Lady Gaga be like, I'm the Joker. There's always a joker in the pack. There's always a Joker. It's like, what the fuck is going on? Who did this? Who's this? Who's the studio?

Guest (10:35)

Wasn't it Universal?

Tim Dillon (10:37)

I don't know. No, it was not Warner Brothers.

Guest (10:40)

Oh, it's Warner Brothers because it's a comic book movie. DC Comics, so.

Tim Dillon (10:48)

I'm kidding. It's a good movie. I'm actually joking. I'm doing a bit right now.

Guest (10:52)

Warner Bros.

Tim Dillon (10:53)

I'm doing a bit. That's how good I am as a comedian. It's good. If you need a movie to have a plot, you're a loser. Truly, if you need a film to have a plot, you're a fucking loser. And if you don't like musicals, you're this, You're. You hate gay people and you hate women and you hate trans people and you probably hate black people because they're very musical and you hate. You are in the KKK. You don't like this, Mr. KKK. There's always a joker in the pack. I don't understand how this happened, but I'll tell you, it's one word. Hubris. Hubris. I had a lot of suggestions on that set and nobody listened. To me because I was an unimportant nobody. But you know what? Sometimes you listen to the nobody. I said immediately. Fire Lady Gaga. Fire her. Fire her right now. You're paying her a lot of money, and what I'm seeing ain't working. Get her out of here. Get her out of here. I said that at the pasta truck a lot of times. Get her out of here. I would say, get her out of here. The red sauce. Get her out of here. She's not working. Get her out. Cut her mic. I would yell. They wouldn't hear me. I'd say it. I'd say, cut her micro. What do I care? What do they. What am I gonna. You know, what do I keep. This whole thing is a fake. This whole thing is fake. This whole business I'm in is a pretend business. Do you understand that? Anyone listening out there in your minivan with your kids going to. I don't know, the. The. What is it, the thing that people go that. The escape room or. I don't know, what do you go to with the kids? Rock climbing? Not with kids. Right. What do you. What's the thing where you jump in the foam pit like Chuck E. Cheese.

Guest (12:52)

Or Dave and Busters, Whatever it is.

Tim Dillon (12:53)

Whatever the hell you're doing out there. I'll tell you this. The business I'm in is fake. It's not real. 300 million in this horseshit. It's on the screen. I'm under my life. Do you know that when my agents called me to put me in this, they told me it was going to be a big deal for me? Oh, it's going to be a big deal. It's going to open up doors for you. It's going to open up doors. The only door it opened up is the door in the Laguna beach movie theater. Whatever. Everybody walked the fuck out. That's the door it opened on. And people. I was hiding a few people. I don't get recognized all the time, but every now and then somebody will recognize me. I was hiding like Diddy in that theater, trying to get out. Somebody went, tim Dillon, you were in that. You were good. And I went, it was terrible. They went, it was terrible. And I just ran to my car. Ran quickly, walked. The point is, this is going to be a big deal for you. You're in Joker, too. Everyone gets on the call. When you have an agency, you have seven or eight people that will call you when something good happens. And none of them have names. None of them should have names. They're all Josh's and Jonas and Jacobs and none of them are actually a person. It's just, you know, the Gremlin when you get them wet. And they all just, they all become. And they're all on the phone. People don't even know we're on the phone. They're like, hello. They're like, we have Josh and Jacob and Jonah and Justin and Josh and Josh and Josh and Justin and Jacob and Jonah and Jocelyn and Janet and. And you go, okay, hi. Hi. And you're always desperate when they call you like, hi, is everything okay? Is everything okay? And they're like, we have such good news. They were like, hi, where's. Hi. Hi. Hi, Tim, I don't know if we've ever spoken, but I just want to call and say that we're really excited to bring you this news. You're going to be in Joker 2. And then everyone's like, oh my God, it's such a big deal. It's such a big. It's going to be big. And then you're like, I'm in Joker 2. I'm in Joker. Wow, wow, wow. Fast forward two years later. Worst thing ever been made. Worst film ever made. And by the way, I'm not being hyperbolic, that's literally a discussion right now is whether this is the worst. Imagine. Had I had that insight on the call with all these people, had I said, but wait a minute, is there a possibility this could be the worst movie ever made? It earned the worst cinema score of all time for a comic book studio movie. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine the real call? Hey Tim, what's up? It's Jacob, Josh, Justin and Jonah. We are super excited to tell you that you're about to be in the worst film ever made. It's fucking amazing. First of all, you're gonna go to the universal lot at 6:36, 45 in the morning every day, okay? They're gonna put you in some weird, ill fitting a prison guard suit that somehow makes you look fatter. And then you're gonna sit there for two months and do nothing. You'll work for two hours of those two months. There will be scenes where you're just sitting and they'll walk Joaquin by and there's gonna be a lot of smoke and cameras and everything like that. And you won't be invited to the premiere. You're not gonna have anything to do with it. You know, you'll have one scene where you're not given lines. You'll be yelled at a lot. I don't mind being yelled at. It didn't matter. I was probably fucking it up. And the scene at the end was good and funny. But at the end of this, Tim, two years from now, you are going to be part of. Get ready for this. The worst film ever made. The biggest bomb ever. The worst movie ever made. And I would have said, thank you. And by the way, you're so desperate in the business all the time, you go, thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Even if they had said it just like that, Even if they'd said it, even if they'd said, you're going to be in the worst film ever made, I would have went, thank you guys for believing in me and working to make this. Ha. I really, guys, thank you so much. It's gonna be the worst. Yeah. People walk out. Yeah. I'm so in. I'm still. Thank you. And I appreciate it, because maybe it'll be the third worst, right? They're like, yeah, it could be the third worst. I'm like, that'll be good. Well, you know, the Menendez brothers, by the way, are. What's going on with them? They're trying to get out and go to a dinner party. Whitney Cummings house.

Guest (17:18)

Yeah. Kim Kardashian.

Tim Dillon (17:23)

The Menendez brothers. Which, by the way, the Ryan Murphy stuff. I get it. But I don't know. Now I'm just going to light fire to the whole business, by the way, for the next three months. I'm going to get it to a point where, like, I'm going to have. My manager is going to call me and go, hey, so we actually called Ryan Murphy's people to talk to you, and they just sent us a clip back of you shitting on everything. I did love Dahmer, and I like American Horror Story. I don't know if I love this Menendez thing. Um, the real Menendez brothers are mad because this one has them fucking, and supposedly they didn't fuck. So they're all right. They're all angry.

Guest (17:59)

Artistic liberties with the.

Tim Dillon (18:00)

Sure. Well, Ryan Murphy's trying to make it hot. He wants to make it hot. Can we watch Kamala in 60 minutes? Because she makes me happy.

Guest (18:10)

Yes.

Tim Dillon (18:10)

I really. Here's the thing. She'll. She'll probably lose, but she makes me happy. I like seeing her. I. It's the joy you have when your best friend who doesn't have their homework gets called on. It's. Look at that, Faye. I don't. Can you go back to her face, please? In the beginning? I don't want to lose that because it is the face your friend confides in you. They did nothing. They go, bro, I did not. I didn't open the book because this was me in school. Like, I didn't open a book. And then they'd call me and they'd be like, Mr. Dillon, what do you think? And I'd go, I'm trying to create an opportunity economy. I'd say, shit. Kind of like her. She still won't study. Like she's running for president. She still won't really even. Which is what I like about it. If she was, like, really trying, I'd find it disturbing the fact that she's kind of half assing it on the biggest stage. There is no bigger stage, by the way. There's no larger stage. She couldn't care less. She's kind of half assing it on the largest stage. And it makes. I wanna hang out with her. I wanna have drinks with her. I think she'd be a fun person. Because a few years from now, she's gonna be somebody fun in California who's like, you're gonna see her in the Palisades. And you'd be like, she's gonna be like, remember when I was trying to make me president? And we're all gonna laugh about it. That's what it should be like. And I feel like, sadly, that. Because there's so much hot under the collar anger at her, which I understand people are angry, and she's. But we can't forget that this is essentially just a person who had no idea any of this was going to happen. I mean, she's a careerist for sure. She did put herself in these positions. But even she is shocked at this. Even she is shocked at this. She is. No, I never thought that it was going to happen the way that it happened as quickly as it did. And she refuses to study. She will not open the book. My parents used to go. Not my parents, my grandparents. Let's be honest. My parents didn't care, but my grandparents would go. My grandmother would go, are you going to open the. I haven't seen you open the book. The test is on Monday. I have not seen you open the book. Okay. That is this energy. Let's. Let's hear her. Kamala Harris.

Kamala Harris (20:43)

My plan is about saying that when you invest in small businesses, you invest in the middle class.

Tim Dillon (20:51)

That's correct.

Kamala Harris (20:52)

And you strengthen America's economy. Small businesses are part of the backbone of America's economy.

Tim Dillon (20:57)

Pardon me, Madam Vice President, by the way, let's just Stop for a minute. This small business thing is the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. This. This. None of them care about anyone with a small business there. First of all, there's like four. Where are these small business. I wish there were more of them, and I hope the ones that are there thrive. So don't come at me and say, what do you not care? I always care. I hate how corporate everything is. But, like, what is? The small businesses now are like, you know, Diddy had one and you threw him in jail. But that's what's left. The small business, it's like meth. It's. It's trafficking people, all the people, running the people through the smuggling in the Venezuelans. That's a small bit like there, you know, you don't get to choose which small businesses you like and which ones you don't like, because there's a lot of small businesses in this country that are just not. Not that marketable, but they're there. A lot of small businesses that she might not love, you might not love, but that's a small business. I used to buy drugs from my friend's mother when I was a child. Small business, you know, this idea that there's like tons of thriving. It's like the same. People talk about small towns, and I've talked about this before, but like, these idea. These small town. Ooh. These small little suburbs. They're so quaint and cute and everybody thinks of these Gilmore Girl suburbs. Go to them. Go to them. How cute are they? Go to the quaint small towns everyone's talking about. By the way, are they nice? Are the small towns. There's like seven or eight small towns in America that are cute and quaint and nice. And a house is $18 million, by the way. Okay? The rest of them. There are roving bands of children ready to kill you who are. There are people living in abandoned malls in these small towns. That must be where all these small businesses are that she's talking about. I will. For small business, by the way. And I think we should have a lot more small businesses, but we got a lot of problems here in this country that need to be solved before the people. The small business will tell you that we got a lot of problems. A lot of things are not going well. We're gonna give the tax credit to the small business. You know, these small towns, these quaint little towns, people are ice skating. It's not. It's a movie from 1998. Go to the town. Go to the town, okay? It is not what you think it is. Drive through any of these small towns that are so quaint and cute and oh, it's America. Oh, it's a fourth of July parade. Is it? Oh, is it? Is that what it is? Is that what it is? Because I don't see that. I see a fucking shifty eyed pedophile running by the school. I see a gang of migrants get ready to steal someone's phone. I see a bunch of young 14 year old kids, you know, who are trying to film, you know, I don't know, a death. So they're just. So where are these quaint, cute. It's like a couple goes on a date in one of these towns. Both of them get raped. So what are we talking about with the. Again, let's, let's see her again. No one's opened the book. Nobody's opened the book. Madam Vice President. The question was how are you going to pay for. And here's what's great. Here's what's great. And this is the other reason I like her. She doesn't care what the question is. It doesn't. She doesn't care what the question is at all. It doesn't matter because she's not going to be the president. She has to tell him that. She has to tell these people that before she has to go. Shh, come here, come here. I know, I'm just, I want to let you know I'm not actually going to be the president. They told me that that's what she has to do with all these interviews before they start. No, she's got to tell, she's got to go. Listen, listen, I've. No, no, no. They told me I'm not really going to be the president. So don't, don't go too hard on me and don't, don't get worried or nervous if I don't know one of the answers because I'm, I'm not going to do this for a living. That's, that's. No, no, no. I'll, I'll show up to like the 911 memorial and I'll go to like some. I don't know, I don't know what will. I don't even know what they even do anymore because Biden's refused to leave the White House, which I kind of like, by the way. I kind of like that he's holed up in there and not doing some garbage. They don't even want these people around, by the way. All of these bakeries in like Pittsburgh. All these candidates are trying to stop into. Nobody wants it anymore. These pancake shops. Tim Walsh got a pancake somewhere and everybody's on Facebook. Live Facebook on. I'm not go. I'm done. I'm done with this establishment. I'm done with this shit. I'm not eating that slop anymore. You served Tim Walt. It's gotten so divisive that people can't even get fat without having a problem in this country. I'm not getting. I'm not killing myself there anymore. You add Tim Walls like so. They don't even want him. They don't want him. If I owned a company, a business, a small business, I don't want him. Let me sell my fucking muffin bowl, pudding pops or whatever. Let me sell it. Let me sell my Asian dessert in the shade where the with it cone is shaped like a fish. Whatever happened to that? I wanted that three years ago. You can't even find it more. Don't look it up. I don't really need it. The point is, I was something. It was ube that. My point is this. You, you, you. This data nobody wants. I wouldn't want them. I gotta have J.D. vance. I'm trying to. I got. Let me serve my Tater tot Buffalo nachos, please. My ranch tots. Let me serve my Buffalo ranch tots to the people that are buying them with government vouchers and not get it weighed into this nonsense. All these people are doing. These are the small businesses, by the way, are trying to serve deep fried New Balance sneakers to people and they're being interrupted by the politicians coming in and trying to do the abortion or something. We're all. We're just trying to have pancakes. Stop doing a late term. They're doing a late term in the diner. I'm trying to have an omelet. Stop doing late term. Todd Phillips sitting there he goes, okay, so this, this is what they want. Apparently that's this idiot. That's what they want more of Mamala.

Kamala Harris (27:46)

Well, one of the things I'm going to make sure that the richest among us who can afford it pay their fair share in taxes.

Tim Dillon (27:54)

Stop it. Now you're talking to me. You. You vixen. Now what is. This guy is so unamused with her. I love this guy. He's like, what is this?

Kamala Harris (28:05)

Keep going right. That teachers and nurses and firefighters are paying a higher tax rate than billionaires and the biggest corporations. And I plan on making that fair.

Tim Dillon (28:17)

But we're dealing with the real world here.

Kamala Harris (28:19)

But the real world includes.

Tim Dillon (28:21)

How are you going to get this through Congress?

Kamala Harris (28:23)

You know, when you talk quietly with a lot of folks in Congress, they know exactly what I'm talking about.

Tim Dillon (28:28)

It's called blackmail. No, she got. It's called blackmail. They're pet. If they're all pedophiles and we have tapes of them having sex with children. Next question. It's called blackmail. It's blackmail. We have. What do you think Diddy's been doing? What do you think Epstein's been doing? What do you think all these people have been doing? It's blackmail. They're all on drugs. They're all cheating on their wife. We have tapes of these people. So when I come to them with a plan that's not even a plan and just balloons national debt to hand out money to fucking real estate developers so they can build condos with floating bathtubs in Tribeca and all this other horse shit and build new vineyards and crap. And we call it the economic New economy opportunity Investment Horizon America program. And no one knows what the hell it is, but we just stuff all of our friends pockets filled with money. If anyone stops that, we're going to show them a tape of them having sex with a passed out 16 year old at last year's Halloween party. Any other questions? I'm not really going to be the president. Let's finish up with her.

Kamala Harris (29:35)

Know exactly what I'm talking about. Their constituents are those firefighters and teachers and nurses.

Guest (29:44)

The Glock question is great too.

Tim Dillon (29:46)

Do you have that one?

Guest (29:47)

Yes. Yeah, Here you go.

Tim Dillon (29:48)

Recently surprised people when you said that you are a gun owner and then if someone came into your house, that.

Kamala Harris (29:55)

Was not the first time I've. I've talked about it. That's not the first time I've talked about it.

Tim Dillon (29:59)

So what kind of gun do you own and when and why did you get it?

Kamala Harris (30:02)

I have a Glock and I've had it for quite some time.

Tim Dillon (30:07)

And this is like, by the way, this is like when John Kerry went, who amongst us doesn't like nascar? When they're like, you probably don't like nascar, he's like, who amongst us does not like. That's when he would got like a Philly cheese taking ass for like Swiss cheese. It just it when she said, I have a Glock, I have a Glock, I have a Glock.

Kamala Harris (30:28)

Look, Bill, my background is in law enforcement and so there you go.

Tim Dillon (30:34)

Have you ever fired it?

Kamala Harris (30:35)

Yes, of course I have. At a shooting range?

Tim Dillon (30:41)

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That's bluetooth.com promo code TM to receive your first month free. Visit bluetooth.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast. Vermont Town Preemptively shuts down road to keep Influencers from Taking Fall Pictures. This is so important right now. By the way, I was just downtown at the 911 memorial and just the behavior down there is unreal because you have people that. Can we just please honor the gravity of the event a little bit? I understand you want to take a photo with your boyfriend. You're in for a couple of days from Santa Fe. I know it's exciting, but just keep it down a little bit. People go up to Vermont because of the foliage. Stunning. One of our friends lives in Vermont who shot the woman on the movie. So there's that. You go there for that reason and then also for the foliage. This is if you've killed someone accidentally or the foliage manslaughter or foliage. Locals say the influencer era has brought a different kind of tourist to the area. One that does not mind blocking traffic or getting into residence driveways to get that perfect shot. But you know what? What? Vermont. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. I know that you don't like this. I understand that. I understand that these people are soulless and they're ruining your town. But guess what? This is what it is. I, you know, I know it's bothering you, but by the way, do you know where people aren't taking photos? Gary, Indiana. You know, like, I know that you don't like influencers and you find it to be soulless and you don't like the way that they jam up the road or whatever your pro, Whatever your white Vermont problem is, your non problem, but it's a few months out of the year and it probably pumps money into the local fucking economy. What else do you got going on up there? I know it's annoying, people pulling you a driveway. I don't know. Shoot them. Shoot them if it's a problem. I was on a plane the other day. This woman, flight attendant. This is a real story. We're on a plane. We get it. We get a deal. We're on a jet. We got A really good deal. By the way, I hope everyone's okay with Milton in Florida. Okay. And you know, by the way, they had to say during. Listen to this. They had to tell people in Florida that during Milton. Which again, we're taping this. What day?

Guest (35:57)

Tuesday.

Tim Dillon (35:57)

Should we put it out today or should we wait?

Guest (36:00)

Let's wait. And it's.

Tim Dillon (36:01)

Let's wait because every time we put it out early, it always fucks us. Right? Yeah. Well, so I hope Milton has not fucked anyone. But preparing for Milton, one of the FEMA guys or some Florida guy, I don't know who it is. I don't care. They come out and then go, this eating at the shelter will not be sit down. It's on my story. If you go to my Instagram story, they literally say there's not going to be sit down food at the shelter. This is a Category 4 hurricane. They. They have to say. They go, listen, there's going to be shelters. They will withstand the wind, but there's not going to be sit down eating. It's the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life. Oh, is this it? Go back. Yeah. Okay. Not the. Not that this guy play this. Shelters will be opening. We recommend don't leave go to the show. It's fine. Capacity will be limited. It's fine that people in Florida are going. Listen, you don't have to leave. You go right to the shelter. And it's actually going to be fun. It's going to be kind of a fun community. Yeah. We will be opening up additional shelters when school buildings and other shelters, traditional shelters, start to reach their capacity. That's right. Then there'll be shelters in Applebee's and Steak and Shake and Chilies and Outback. A lot of different shelters. Yeah. There will be food and water there. Sounds good. Will not be. It will not be sit down eating. What? Wait, no, I want sit down. No, we won't sit down eating. He has to come out and tell the people in Florida he has to go, listen, I want to let you know it's a shelter. I know you're walking in expecting bread service and then an appetizer, an entree, dessert. I get it. I know what you want. I know what you want. We're not doing that. It's not sit down eating. Can you imagine people walking in. Table for three, please. Yeah, table for three. Our house was just destroyed. He goes, not gonna be sit down eating. It's not like we're not gonna throw out garlic bread to you people. It's gonna be like, you know, here's a protein bar. Go sit in a corner. Try not to die. It's not gonna be sit down eating. It's not Thanksgiving. It's a natural disaster. Hey, it's a natural disaster. I know that you're think everything fucking has to be about food. We're not gonna sit down. It's not gonna be the feast of the seven fishes. It's a category four hurricane. Sorry. Can you imagine that guy in the Shelter? It might be me going, you would just not sit down. I'd be so. There's no sit down food here I stand like. Like some water rat in the corner and nibble on something. Can't we sit down? There's no waiters. There's no waiter. Where's the maitre d? When's this supposed to hit, this Milton?

Guest (39:19)

Wednesday night to Thursday morning.

Tim Dillon (39:21)

I hope everyone's okay in Milton and evacuate my friends down there. A few of them are. A and B zones are evacuated. And they're in the C zone. They're going to the C zone. I don't know if that's enough. But not everyone can leave. Here's the problem. Not everyone can leave. They're. They've run out of fuel. The Tampa Bay Bucks are out. The people that needed to get out are out. Okay, but then there's others. But the people that needed, you know, the teams are out. The people that you know, people that need to get out are out. Let's call this Beta Spade.

Guest (39:54)

Our web guys in Tampa.

Tim Dillon (39:55)

Our what?

Guest (39:56)

The web guy's in Tampa.

Tim Dillon (39:57)

Oh, is our web guy in Tampa who fucks up everything all the time. I hope he's found floating. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Web guy, is he a fan?

Guest (40:06)

Yes.

Tim Dillon (40:06)

Good. Ha ha, ha ha. I'm kidding. Joker is a good movie. It's a good film. Joker, I'm the Joker, is fucking. These incel kids, they come in, they're like, all right, give me some more. I'm the Joker. I'm the Joker. They need this type of entertainment, these fucking guys. And you. You take it from them and you replace it with fucking like cabaret. It's, you know, I'm the Joker. Don't you like the Joker? Our friend Diddy, friend of the show. So this. We're on this plane. I gotta get back to this. We're on this chat. We got a really good deal on it. Needed to go somewhere. The woman comes over, said, I worked with P. Diddy. And she tells us that he. This is the jet. Now, I did a joke. I said, this is Diddy's jet. It was not Diddy's jet, but he has the same jet. It's a black G55. Diddy. She tells me that she was cleaning out his jet one day. There was a suitcase, okay? She lifts it up, it starts dripping. I'm not kidding. Listen to this. This is hot off the presses, by the way. And I did. It was a little unprofessional for her to dime on him like this. Truly. It's not right. You charter a plane, you expect. You know what I mean? A little integrity, you know, if you can't trust your jet, charter people. Who can you trust? That's why I book with Titan Aviation. Titan Aviation. Cold Dirk. So this woman goes. She goes, I picked up this guy's suitcase. Did he say one of his bags? It's dripping with. She opens it up, and it's just lube and poppers. And I forget. She said something else. I don't think it was dildos, but it was baby oil. It was all baby oil and black poppers and dirty towels. And that was the suitcase. And I said to her, I go, he was the black Epstein. She goes, absolutely. She was like, he was always nice to me. You know, they always try to get. Get ahead of it. He was always nice to me. I go, well, let's let him out then. But she said that he was as creepy. And she was on a few of the flights, and again, this was. Was told to me and I. In confidence, and I'm repeating it here for money. And I. She was like, don't say anything. I'm like, listen, honey, there is no chance that I would say anything about this. I said, you would do. I am a vault. You tell me anything. I said, it will not leave my. She's like, you promise? I go, absolutely. Scouts honor. She said once she was on a plane, and he went into the back of the plane and, like, shut the door. And she was just like, okay. And she. With a few people, and she just went into the front. She charted him a few times, and she said it was sketch, sketch, sketch. You know, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? It's just so funny when she's like. She's like, yeah, I flew Tim Dillon. He. He complained that. Of the. About the charcuterie platter and said, for what I'm paying. Did you get this at Ralph's? You know, like, it's gonna. She's gonna. It's gonna be a lot, but she's only got nice things to say about him. She's like, diddy was lovely. Tim Dillon's a piece of shit. He said, the charcuterie platter was bought at a grocery store. I go, but it was. But it was. But it was. Actors portraying Melendez brothers. Menendez brothers say men who killed their parents are inspiring. This is why actors should never be allowed to speak. Actors, at their core are incredibly stupid ghosts. They don't exist. They should not be. You should not entertain them like they exist. They should only be seen as the role that they're playing. I have had lunch with actors. I have spoken to them. There is nothing there. There is. Very rarely. Is there something there. I had one of them tell me, being an authentic person makes me a worse actor. I said, I agree, they are. They are. There. There is. There is pointless to engage with on a human level as any arch type of person ever. And this is why you never allow them to speak. And by the way, they used to. They would just shut up. This is when, like, the old system kind of work when there were publicists and manager, everybody goes, shut up, shut up. When Chapel Rohn would go make a point, he's like, well, that's actually. What about the Palestine Sing Sing? The thing hot to go H O T T not P A L S E T no H O T But that would. Now that you don't list him, the inmates are running the asylum. So her agent, manager, and everybody, they just. They just wake up every day going, what is this bitch doing? And she's on Instagram live trying to make a nuanced point about the Middle East. Play these tards.

Actor (45:28)

We went to this gymnasium where we sat around with 30 or so incarcerated individuals who all shared their stories. And it was very emotional and inspiring and actually something really interesting. They all said that they came from dysfunctional families, which I found to be. Yeah, really, really interesting and devastating.

Tim Dillon (45:45)

This is how dumb they are. This is how dumb they are. How. Of course they did. Of course they came from dysfunctional families. Of course we found that really interesting and devastating. And so interesting and devastating.

Actor (46:04)

Yeah. I got to meet both of them and just tell them I believe them and I support them, and I did everything I could to portray them authentically.

Tim Dillon (46:10)

Did your impression of them change in any way after meeting them and having these conversations?

Actor (46:14)

In fact, it made my beliefs about them stronger. They're so kind. They're such amazing people. They've done so much good in prison. They just graduated from UC Irvine, are doing this green Space project. As I said, Eric teaches meditation and speech classes. They're very involved and.

Tim Dillon (46:32)

Oh, good.

Actor (46:33)

And they're really wonderful people.

Tim Dillon (46:34)

Amazing. They are what they do. Their parents shut shot them to death in their bed in the living room. And they. And this is because supposedly they were being molested by the parents.

Guest (46:44)

Yes.

Tim Dillon (46:45)

Interesting. Do we believe that?

Guest (46:47)

It's kind of. They have. They might have told a cousin way back when, but then it was all sort of dredged up after the murders. Like there was no record of it before.

Tim Dillon (46:55)

Is the Ryan Murphy thing worth watching?

Guest (46:57)

Yeah, it's pretty good.

Tim Dillon (46:58)

It gets better.

Guest (46:59)

Yes.

Tim Dillon (47:00)

I only watched it for a few minutes. I was too busy watching. There's always a joker in the pack. They're very inspiring. They're inspiring people and I love them. And they shot their parents in the face, but they're inspiring. They graduated from UC Irvine, so. But who cares? Can you imagine that? Can you imagine that? Like I shot my parents? However, have you heard of UC Irvine? It's not even a good school. It's not even like a school that matters. If their parents were molesting them, I don't feel bad that they shot their parents, obviously, but I don't know if their parents were molesting them. I don't know. I lack the information so I can't really get out there and start, you.

Guest (47:44)

Know, regardless of the dad was they. They shot the mom too, right?

Tim Dillon (47:48)

Don't shoot the mom. But maybe she knew about it. I don't have the info. All I'll say is I'm creating an opportunity economy. That's what I say now when someone asks me something and I have no idea, I go, I'm like, people are like, what's going to go on with Israel and Iran? I go, I'm creating an opportunity economy. I don't know. All of our devices, every device we use is getting smarter and more connected. The world keeps getting smarter. Your e commerce business should too. Whether you're looking for an incredible efficiency on your business, I'm telling you right now, ShipStation is the way to do it. It helps take all of your e commerce businesses to the next step. Shipstation helps you achieve exceptional shipping efficiently with a robust all in one order fulfillment system that integrates with over 180 of the most popular e commerce platforms, marketplaces, carriers. I mean they work with everybody. Ups, DHL Express, usps. It's the fastest, most affordable way to ship products to your consumers. The engine of your business is going to be lead generation, sales, marketing, the development of the product. All that stuff you don't want to worry about the back office. Let ship station handle it. They seamlessly integrate everything. Okay? They keep track of things, they have automated things. They boost efficiency, they bring the cost down. They allow you to focus on the parts of your business that need to be focused on. Deliver a better customer experience with industry leading features that help you find the best carrier rates, print labels and make customer service a complete breeze. Over 130,000 companies have grown their e commerce businesses with ShipStation. 98% of the companies that stick with Shipstation for a year become customers for Life. Go to shipstation.com and use code Tim Dillon T I M D I L l O n to sign up for your free 60 day trial. That's shipstation.com code T I M-I L L O N Kalshi is the first and largest legal prediction market that lets you trade on pretty much anything. You can trade on your knowledge to make money or hedge a real world risk with the markets that Kalshi offers. Kalshi has hundreds of markets you can trade on, such as whether inflation will go up or interest rates will go up, who will win at the Oscars, what the weather will be tomorrow, what the US math scores will, whether they'll decline this year and more. So this is really great. It's a way to bet on anything and everything. You can create markets, you can bet on existing markets. It's really amazing. We'll Diddy beat the case. What date will the American empire crumble? Will my Netflix special overtake Love is Blind? Don't bet on that one certainly will not. Love is blind. He's a machine. Make sure they are not. Whatever. But the point is this. These are markets. You create your own market and basically you can bet on things and everybody bets and everybody has fun. It's the first legal exchange in the US to trade on these kinds of events. They plan on listing markets to trade on the elections in the next few weeks, which would make them the first legal exchange in the US where you can trade on the elections. So check them out using the link kalshi.com k a l s h I.com jim we got a lot of people in our audience that want to win. That's kalshee.com Tim K L S H I.com Tim on your phone and get a 20 bonus when you deposit $100 using their mobile app college. Yeah, you can trade on that. I'm telling you right now, folks, people are going to start getting injured. I can feel it. And if you're one of those people, you got to go to Morgan and Morgan. They're America's largest personal injury law firm. They have a thousand lawyers, 100 offices. They've recovered over $20 billion for over 500,000 clients. Morgan and Morgan has a proven track record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation. Did. Did you injure yourself with someone else in someone else's Halloween thing? Call Morgan and Morgan and get them. It's important to make sure that you are taken care of. Okay? I'm, I'm, I'm. I'm telling you, you know, they won an $8.2 million case against a Florida IHOP woman wins $3 million settlement over hot coffee. Burn. She deserves it. She was scolded by coffee at an IHOP in Florida. Nonetheless, they come in, they swoop in, they help her out. It's a win, win, win, win. They only collect if you win. Hello. If you're ever injured, you could check out Morgan and Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to forthepeople.com tim or dial pound law pound 529 from your cell phone. That's f o r the people.com tim or pound law pound 529 from your cell. This is a paid advertisement. Barry Weiss asked me to go open up this thing she's doing. She's doing this Matt Taibbi, Brett Stevens debate with a few other people at Symphony Space Wednesday night, and she wants me to do 10 or 12 minutes of standup or something in front of this. The audiences always suck, but I usually do it. I did1 in LA that was actually kind of fun. I do like Barry. So I am going to go and I told her I would do it for free because she asked me on October 7th. She's like, I can't afford you. And it's like, that's true. But I will do it for free. And the audiences usually suck. And. But it may. Will be fun, you know, it'll be a fun thing to, you know, and all of these people mad about the FEMA money, that they're not getting the FEMA money. Listen, all the money that you give to our government, you're not getting any of it back. You're not getting any of it back. Get the GoFundMe's ready. Get the GoFundMe's Ready right now. For context about all the FEMA stuff, I saw Alejandro Mayorkas this afternoon at Sid Mashburn, which is the second time I've seen him there on a Saturday afternoon in about a month. So if I say the guy isn't working around the clock, what is this? He's buying, like, outfits.

Guest (53:17)

He's buying, like, half.

Tim Dillon (53:18)

He's got to look good. He's the head of fema, right? He's got to look good. He's trying to look good at FEMA.

Guest (53:24)

In the middle of the hurricane.

Tim Dillon (53:26)

Yeah, you want to look good in the middle of the hurricane. You're not saving anybody. Who do you want to hear you're going to die from? Some guy looks like shit or that guy, you know, who do you want to hear? We are no longer responding to emergency calls from some guy who looks like a slob, or this guy in a nice tailored golf shirt and khakis going, he's getting ready for the hurricane. He's buying clothes for the hurricane. By the way, all of this is show business. This is all just show business. So he's just getting his costume ready. He's in wardrobe right now. He's getting ready to go. He's getting ready to go. This is when he's having his moments, like Fauci with the pandemic. He's having his moment. So anybody who's criticizing him, he waits for this. He goes, let me go get some new clothes, some new golf shirts, some new khakis. I want to come out strong. He's got the new balance. He's going. He'll have his little walkie talkie. You know, they'll dress him up nice and they'll put him out because this is show business. And he's the one that they're. He is who they have chosen to tell you that it's not gonna work. It's not happening. It's not gonna. You gotta. You gotta figure it out. My grandmother lost her house during Hurricane Sandy, and it took two years to rebuild. It is terrible and horrible, and I hope that. I hope this thing does not make landfall as a 5. I hope that it makes landfall as something far less than that. Maybe a 2 or May. Obviously, it'd be great if it just went away, but that doesn't seem to be what's happening. What is the latest news on Mil? It doesn't really matter. This will come out Saturday. Doesn't really matter. Florida's gone. This comes out. Florida's completely gone. Florida's done. It'll seem very heartless. I did watch this documentary about October 7th, and not good. It's very, you know, it is tragic. Obviously, it's not great. What's going on in Gaza. Nothing's great, you know, nothing's good. Um, uh, the one I saw was called the Killing Roads, but there are many of them. Yeah, it was, it was, it was depressing. It was depressing. Um, yeah, I mean it's a tough. Listen, this is all of this stuff what's going on right now. These ancient blood feuds that are manifesting in death all around us and the threat of more escalated war. All of these things are incredibly negative. And I am. This is, see what this is. I'm so good at this. This is the art of the non statement. It's so good. Listen to what I'm doing here. Many of you can do this too. It's not hard. It's not hard. Listen to what I'm doing here. It's very important. This is the art of the non statement. I'm saying nothing beautifully. Listen, listen closely. So much of what's happening right now, this is, I'm telling you, this is beautiful. Even as I say it, I go, God, I'm good. Listen to me closely. Key in, key in. Ready? Because you're going to say that you're going to bump it. It's going to be holiday soon, Thanksgiving, Christmas. You're going to have to use this. Ready? So much of what's happening right now, the hatred, the violence, the paranoia is feeding off each other and it's just becoming bigger and bigger and harder to contain and it's. And it's not rational. It's actually not rational. It's not rational. It's illogical. The deep seated hatred and fear. It's fear based. It's fear. And you can even see the people like, is it working? When you look at them as you're talking, look at them and go, is this working? Go. It's fear. You can feel it out a little. Go. It's fear based irrational behavior. Yes. Yeah, but it's true. It's ancient and it's a tale as old as. That's a good one. That's a good one. If you can bring that one out, you go to tale as old as type. Even if you just do get the lyrics up from Beauty and the Beast. If you do it slow, if the Middle east comes up, if, if you do the lyrics of Beauty and the Beast very slow, the song, you might be able to get away with it. Ready? Ready? I mean, somebody comes ask me a question. October 7th, the anniversary.

Guest (57:56)

October 7th.

Tim Dillon (57:58)

It's a tale as all this time. It's true as it can be. I mean they're barely even friends. And then somebody, somebody bends unexpectedly. Just a little change A little small to say the least because they're both a little scared. Neither one prepared. Beauty and the Beast it's just the same. It's always a surprise but it's also ever as before it's ever just as sure as the sun will rise Tale as old as time Tune as old as song it's bittersweet and strange Finding you can change how about someone learning they were wrong? It's as certain as the sun rising in the east Tale as old as time Song as old as rhyme Beauty and the Beast. That's. That's as good as you can get, right? In terms of just right. I mean, you can't get better than that. If you memorize the lyrics to Beauty and the Beast, if this comes up and you were at a holiday, just do it. It's as good as you can get. It's not, you're not gonna get better than that as a way to get out. And here's the thing, leave out Beauty and the Beast because at the end of the stanza, that will give you away. That will give you away and people will look at you strangely. But if you leave out Beauty and the Beast and just kind of hit those themes, someone later on might ask you, they might go, was that the thing you said about October 7th? Was that the lyrics to Beauty and the Beast? And you go, no, it wasn't. And just actually look a little miffed, like look a little pissed off. Go, man. Actually wasn't. It's actually my thoughts and feelings about the Middle east conflict and just again, dead eyed look at them and they go. It kind of sounded, you know. Or you could do this. How about this? Ready? You gonna like this. I'm telling you, cuz these, these are all the, you know, they all work. Which is why maybe Disney knew this was gonna happen. Disney knew this was gonna happen. And they, that's why they put so many Disney songs, so many Disney songs are now perfectly suited to just talk about the Israeli situation. Because many people do not have the finer points of the argument down. I do, Kamala does, but most people don't. So what you're going to have to do basically is try to figure out, I was trying to get this up on my phone so that it would be somewhat shocking. But of course there's no Internet connection. This dump of a fucking building we pay too much for. Are you having Internet issues?

Guest (60:47)

No, it's the. On the mobile devices, it's sometimes an issue.

Tim Dillon (60:50)

I know, it's like crazy. It's like nothing works. And then you can't complain about anything because then, like, people look at you like you've done something wrong when you say, hey, you know, the thing we pay for. Uh, none of it's happening. Can. Can it happen? How about that? Would that be okay if. If perhaps the thing we pay for could work? And they go, yeah, no, you know, we don't think so. They go, we have to. Someone. Someone's not in today. Who handles that? All right, get up. A whole new world from Aladdin. Cuz it also works, by the way. A whole new world from Aladdin.

Guest (61:32)

That's what I was thinking.

Tim Dillon (61:33)

Yeah, yeah, it also works. I'm telling you. Just get it up. Say something about Iran.

Guest (61:41)

Iran?

Tim Dillon (61:41)

What?

Guest (61:42)

What? Its country.

Tim Dillon (61:44)

Well, listen, here's the thing about the Middle East. I could show you. I could show you the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid. I mean, tell me, when did you last let your heart decide? This is a harder one to sell. I could take you wonder by wonder on a magic carpet. Right? It's a bit racist. Stick with. Stick with the Beauty and the Beast. This one doesn't work as well as I thought. Stick with Beauty and the Beast if it comes up. But it is so important. It's so important to just be ready. Ready. Watch. Throw it at me. I go. I'm like, boom, boom, boom. Jedi mind reader. Boom. What? Or, or by the way, there's also the two. The two word one is great. Ready? Say something. I could, I could. I. I'm great at two word ones too, dude. Just bring it up. Be like, Israel, Iran, Middle East, Gaza. Out of control. Out of control. That's a good one. Out of control.

Guest (62:42)

Not cool.

Tim Dillon (62:43)

Not cool. That's my dad's. I don't want to take his. His is not cool. My father's is not cool. My stepmother said once she goes her daughter's name. I don't want to say her name, but she goes. She goes, blanks. Choir teacher is a dark web pedophile. My father goes, not good. And he just kept eating meatballs. Not good. He's not good or not cool? He's like, not good. He said that about the Middle east recently. He goes, not. At my grandmother's funeral, they were talking about the Middle East. He goes, not good. Not good. And then he'll say, nothing. Nothing good. Not good. Because what are you going to do? What are you going to do? You're a Long island boomer. You're 70. Like, what is he supposed to do? What is he supposed to do? Start talking about the Balfour Declaration. Like, let him say, not good. You know what I mean? Like, well, what is he supposed to do? I'm getting a little tired by the way, that, like everything, by the way, it's like everything has become like you're supposed to have some dumb, ill informed spit take opinion on everything. And it's supposed to be imbued with passion. And you have to. You have to. Really. I just. I'm. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over that. That economy of nonsense, you know, that's. I'm. I'm not into it anymore. These are fucking real problems, you know? And I for one, am trying to create an opportunity economy. I'm trying to lower taxes on a middle class. That's what I say. I'll just say what she says. I kind of like it if it comes up. People go, can you believe? I go, I'm trying to lower taxes on the middle class because that. Small businesses are the backbone of our economy. It doesn't matter what happened. You can just say that you gave me chlamydia. Small businesses are the backbone of our economy. I have aids. Small businesses are the backbone of our economy. I'm trying to create an opportunity economy. Dad hit me again. He's trying to create an opportunity economy. We all are in this house. Keep your mouth shut. This is your country on Netflix. Please watch it. It's very, very funny. We tried to create a. Recreate a Trash 90s daytime talk show, which we did. I love all the people that are like, it's fake. Do you realize if it was fake, what it would have been like if these people were scripted, what I would have done? I would have been like, my father and mother met on October set. Like, do you realize what I would have done and how much better it would have been? You know, my father. My father is Hamas. He invaded the festival and my mother was dancing and they fell in love. Like, it would have been.

Guest (65:27)

Oh, the January 6th affair.

Tim Dillon (65:29)

Oh, yeah, it would have been. We. We tried to find people. My husband said he was cheating on me. Oh, no, sorry. My husband said he was at January 6, but he was also. But he was just cheating on me. That was one of Ray comes because we had these perfect things where we're like, can we find something near that? You know? But then we were just like, crypto. You found them fatty boom batty found scummy kids arguing about bullshit. But like, we. Our dream ones were my My sugar daddy's going to cut off my OS and I'm afraid of what I'll eat. My husband said he was at January 6, but he was actually just cheating on me. These were the dream ones and if there's more of these happening, then maybe we could go out and find those. Watch this, please. It's very enjoyable. Tim Dillon comedy.com live dates if you care about the more land of the good people of Orlando, I'll see you Pickering Casino in Ontario Rivers, Des Plaines, Illinois November 2nd. We've added a second show. The good people of Chicago never let me down. A lot of them are great fans of comedy. It's my favorite place to do comedy in Chicago, and Des Plaines is not that far away. Or it is. I don't know if it is or not. It doesn't matter. You have a car. Miami Austin Comedy Mothership Sold that. Maybe we'll add there. Oxnard Levity Live. Who's going to cancel that? Probably me. I'm kidding. Buy tickets or don't. We'll just quietly remove it. I'm kidding. It's Oxnard. It's a dump. Omaha, Nebraska. Good luck, everyone. Thank you so much. Go see Joker 2. It is truly one of the great, you know, phenomenal films of our time. I am grateful to have been a part of something that is as widely reviled as this film. Consensus is difficult in this world in which. Think about this. Think about what a blessing consensus is. Think about what a blessing that is. We never get it. We almost never get it. It's actually one of the only cultural currencies we have left for everyone to agree. It's so rare. This movie is so equally revived. The people who say nice things about it are just immediately ratioed and then they just go jump off their buildings. Right? Like Lena Morgana, the woman that Lady Gaga had to sacrifice and kill to have a career. I'm kidding. I'm just having fun, folks. If I can't have fun, who can? But the point is this. We did that on Letterman's podcast. It was on Annie's podcast. But what I'm saying is that consensus is so rare and so valuable in our society. The fact that everybody is lining up on one side of the issue and on one side of the issue. That's why you can't have a politician walk into a diner now. Because the minute that Tim Walls puts a French fry in his mouth, it's pandemonium. It's a hellscape. Everybody is mad at you and you're just trying to sling chili. This is beautiful. This movie brought us all back together. No matter who you're voting for, Donald Trump, Kamala Harris, whatever, whoever, Jill Stein, no matter who you're voting for, know this. No matter which side of Barry Weiss's free press debates you're on. We all agree that the movie Joker 2 is the biggest piece of shit any of us have ever seen. It is the biggest waste of time, money and talent in a long time. It is an unmitigated failure, a disaster, a zero. The bottom of the earth opened and swallowed this up. It should end everyone's career that's in it, including mine. It is as bad as you get. But what's beautiful about it is we all fucking agree what a piece of shit this is. And that, my friends, is the only thing we've got left. Something we can hate together. We can hate it together. We can hate it together. The old, the young, the gay, the straight, the black, the white, the migrant, the citizen. Everyone can agree that Joker 2 is the biggest piece of shit anyone has ever seen. Good night.

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