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- [00:00]
Ryan Seacrest
Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway with the stock up sale at Safeway and Albertsons. Stock up and earn four times points at your local store when you purchase participating products. Save on family snack favorites like Frito Lay chips, Tim's Cascade chips, Dan and yogurt, and Oreos. Clip the offer in the app for event savings and look for participating items throughout the store. Shop in store or online. Plus you can even have your groceries delivered or use drive up and go to have your groceries brought to your car at the store. Remember, restrictions and exclusions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.
- [00:31]
Tim Dillon
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. Recorded on the day. The market is dipping, crashing. There's blood in the water. The tariffs have arrived. Donald Trump is putting tariffs on many countries to bring back manufacturing to America. It's a gambit. It's a risky gambit. We are primarily a podcasting based economy. We are a hot take economy. We are an opinion driven economy. We do not make anything anymore except takes. We are a grievance based economy. We are a rage based economy. And that is, we're shifting now and it's painful from an economy based on people's thoughts and feelings to an economy now hopefully based on people manufacturing things and going back to the factory. Get back in the factory is what Trump's hoping. He's hoping that people will walk back into the factories and start making stuff made in the usa. You know, people be, they're proud. They work with their hands again. They get into it again, they get on that assembly line again. And I don't know, I mean, maybe that happens. I'm skeptical. I'm a little skeptical. But you know what? Maybe it happens. Maybe we learn to, to live with less. Maybe we learn to live with less. We don't need all these things. We, we, we, we instead of all these things that are cheap. You get a job in a factory and you work there all day every day and you have camaraderie with the other workers at the factory. That's the hope here. You know, the, the softball team and the cookout and the block party. And we bring America back where. That's the hope. The hope is that you work all day at the factory and then you have friends there and you all go together and raise your children. And so one of you coaches the team and then it's, it's that America we all read about and hoped for and none of us really ever lived in, but it comes back and people Are excited, have pride. You. I were. We. I work at the factory and I make the stuff and the stuff is good. And we derive a sense of national pride from that. And one. And there's. And you don't have a million cars. You have one car that the family uses, and everyone has to decide who gets the car when, because you might. You're not going to afford a car anymore. You get one car for the family of six or seven people. Grandpa, grandma, mom, dad, the three kids. You have one vehicle. You have one tv. It goes back to fighting over, what are we watching. We've lost that with cheap Goods. The rage that you felt when someone had the TV in the living room and you didn't and you wanted to watch something. It's all coming back, is my point. Those moments we lost fighting with each other. Now everyone's got a tv, everyone's got a phone, everyone's got a car. There's no sense of togetherness. But now there will be a sense of together when everyone has one thing. An entire family has one thing that everyone can fight over and rip each other's faces off so that you all decide as a fit. You argue as a family about the merits of what shows on Netflix you want to watch. Let's go see some of these numbers here. They're a little troubling. They're disconcerting. The Dow's down about 1400 points. S&P is down 4% as of now. Nike fell 12%. So many of its products are made outside of the United States. You don't need Nikes. You don't need them. There are other shoes. There's other types of shoe other than a Nike. United Airlines lost 10% because their customers are worried about the global economy. You ain't getting on the plane. Nvidia saying 4.6%, which they've already been losing, but now their loss is down to 22%. I mean, all of these things, you're going to. You're going to learn to live without traveling or shoes. There's. I don't know what to tell people that need these things all the time to be happy. You don't need all of these things to be happy all the time. You just need to make do with less. This is how you bring back the America that we lost. I'm telling you, this is what. This is what people are, are, are excited about because there's too much shit. People have too many things. You don't need a phone anymore like a smartphone. All it does is pump your Head full of craziness. You don't need sell it. If you have a smartphone right now, sell it to a drug dealer who can use it. If you're not a drug dealer, you don't need a phone. It's the, it's the way that we treated pagers in the. Oh, you have a pager? Are you a drug dealer? That's what it used to be. You had a cell phone, you were a drug dealer. Now everyone needs a cell phone. By midday, The S&P 500 lost 4.37%. The Nasdaq declined by 5.59%. And the Dow Jones. Most of this doesn't matter to people cuz they're just broke and they don't know what any of this means and it doesn't mean anything to them. But there are people that have the 401k, that retirement plan and, and that got hammered cuz you're all invested. Okay? We've erased trillions of dollars from the US stock market and this. But you know, you gotta stop thinking that more money is making you happier. It actually could go the opposite where some of the happiest people I know are impoverished. Have you seen a third world country? And all the kids are smiling and singing songs. A lot of them are singing songs. Bring up African children singing. Get up. African children singing. Please. African children singing, smiling and singing. I don't want to see any of the starvation. It depresses me. Singing. Not the. Well, okay, well look at this, look at this. Bring this up. This is what's gonna happen once everyone look at them. What are we talking about? Let's go. It's a poor country, but when's the last time you've seen Americans sing like this and be happy? Never. Never. All right, all right. It's, it's, you know, but, but this is what I mean. Get up other. Get up, get up, get up. Homeless crackhead dancing. Because you need to understand that your, your wealth does not define your level of happiness. I'm telling you, you have to, you have to divorce yourself from this idea. Oh, I've got a big fat retirement. We gon retire and see the world. Please give, give me a white crack hat. I don't want to be accused of racism. Get a white Google. White crackhead dancing. I'm trying to prove to people that you can be happy with less. Is this a real crackhead or is it some sketch? Get a real crackhead, please. A white crackhead who is happy because we don't need the things anymore. And I Think we're going to. We're going to be. We're going to be happy. The van life. People living in vans. They're thrilled because they have freedom. That's what we need. We don't need this over complicated thing where everybody's got all this money and we're all, oh, I'm gonna retire in Myrtle Beach, Florida. We're gonna have. I'm gonna play golf and the little woman's gonna drink wine. No. Work, work, work. Work gives you. Get up. Just Google Happy factory. I want to see people in a factory that are happy. Get up. You know, fuck. What's that. What's that Broadway show where they're all singing with the, with the, the. Look, look, just show an image of this. Show how happy they are. Get that up, get that up. Look at this. They're happy because the job is well done. The job is well done. Put it up. The job is well done. Look at this. They're high fiving. They're all raising their hands there. Who wants to work more? Me. I want to work more. Who wants to come in on their day off? That's the question they just asked. I want to come in, in my day off. I'm proud of what we make here. Look at that. Elderly people with hard hats. That's what I want to see more of in this country. Elderly people with hard hats on. Proud of what they do. You think that guy wants to be in Myrtle beach playing golf? No. It's now a country about work. It's now a country about work. It was all this financial trickery. Ooh, the money's over here, the money's over there. Where's the money going? It's a game of Monopoly, fake real estate developers and foreign money and everything. No, no, no, no. This is a game now about work and work. Houses. Get up. Food, glorious food from Oliver. People misunderstand Oliver. They go, oh, how depressing is it? It's orphans. None of them have parents. Sure. What it really is, is people are working and it's a sense of community. It's a sense of community. Let's. This is what we're going back to. That hat. Wearing a hat like that and pulling a rope. Play it. There they are. Here are the children. Here are the American children. All we get is gruel. That's okay. Gruel's healthy. Gruel is actually one of the healthiest things you can eat because it's high protein and it doesn't have sugar. See formations. No one has shoes. They don't care. Uniforms. You hold your bowl, you get your. You get your goodness. All right, all right. We get it. Listen. What. So where would you rather them shooting up schools, selling, doing drugs, running around the mall with guns. That's what the kids are doing. They're running around the mall now with a gun. Work. I think we're getting rid of child labor laws. Get them in a job. These kids, children should be able to work at factories. Sorry. Teens sentenced for their roles in smash and grabs because. Yeah, let's watch it. Because they have no community. They have no sense of pride in the things they make. Let's watch this. Guns after using stolen vehicles to smash their way right into those stores. Thanks for joining us here at 6. I'm Mike Dardis and good evening to you. I'm Cherie Pulello. Today in Claremont county, the last of those teenagers who pleaded guilty to charges learned their sentences. RWLWT News 5's Brian Hamrick was in the courtroom for the deposition hearing and has more live tonight. This guy looks like a magician. Hey, Cherie. Yeah. We have three juveniles, three different sentences. They were all caught in these smash and grab style burglaries where they used a stolen car to do the smashing. This is wheel, or where the wheels came off in the crime right here in Claremont County. They were caught shortly after a robbery in this plaza and today they were sentenced. It was a summer of smashing. It's a really bad situation. All right, but this is what's happening with. The children are criminals. The children in this country are. Look at what they're doing. This is what the children in the country are doing. The children in the country are criminals. And we need to get back to a time when they delivered the paper. Remember when they would deliver the paper. Get up, newsies. Get newsies up. They deliver the paper. And you'd have a paper route and you'd get up early and you didn't want to do it, but your parents would tell you, you, you get on that bike and you deliver the paper. And it gave you a sense of pride. And you'd get a shiny coin and then you would use it at the fair to buy your lady a, I don't know, a cotton candy or something. This is what we're going back to. Look at. Look at this. Look at this. How happy. Look at this. Hot off the presses. Everyone's happy. Everyone's happy. This is what it used to be. This is the country that. It used to be like tariffs. Get us back to this. Look at this. The kids now are Too fat. They can't even jump. Look at a horse pulling a trolley. This is what we can go back to dancing in the street. All right, here's my point. We're going back to when you used to go to a diner with your woman and you would smoke a cigarette at a diner and eat a cheeseburger, okay? You wouldn't vape and then eat a veggie burger in some fucking trans communist safe house. You would go to a diner like a man and smoke a Marlboro Red. And then we're going back to the good times and we're going to invade Vietnam. We're going, we're going to. We can win it now. We can win it now. So many people I know have online businesses and I'm telling you right now the thing you want to really think about is like the most important part of the business, the origination of clients, the, you know, products you're selling. You don't want to think about the back office stuff, right? So at the end of the day I think you need to use Ship Station. It's so easy to automate shipping tasks and manage orders in one simple dashboard. I love that automation allows you to smoothly print shipping labels at the click of a button. You've been able to people scale their businesses faster because shipstation's robust automation and reporting. It feels great to save thousands on shipping with industry leading discounts from their rate shopper. I'm telling you it's the fastest, most affordable way to ship products to your customers with discounts up to 88% off UPS, DHL Express and USPS rates up to 90% off FedEx rates. Calm the chaos of order fulfillment with the shipping software that delivers. Switch to Ship Station today go to shipstation.com use code Tim Dylan to sign up for your free trial. That shipstation.com code Tim Dylan s H I P S T A t I o n.com code Tim Dillon T I M D I L L O N I mean I'm excited about where this country is going. I'm not worried. I think we need a bit of nostalgia and a market crash might be necessary to just get people to appreciate what matters in life. What matters in life is not your 401k plan. It's that your family works at a factory and it is, they are, they can be good jobs, they can be a good job. You can't, you can't have it all. There is going to be classes in society. At the bottom is going to be the kind of like you Know, drug addled, sporadic youth gangs and, you know, the unhoused, the homeless, the. The terrorists, people that are just on the margins. And then you're going to have the great vast middle of factory workers who are making things. And then at the top of society, you will have finance tech and podcasters who will occupy the top spaces in our society. People like me who have the courage to sit behind a desk and fatly scream about the things I barely understand. That is the way society functions now. I don't understand what people are saying. The vast middle of this country needs something to do. Okay? Federal Reserve Board member Philip Jefferson claimed that there were no plans to change track on the two planned cuts for this year. Because Wall street was like, well, maybe tank the rates, tank the interest rates to offset some of the bleeding in the market. No, no, no, no, no. We're not doing it. Get up, Willy Wonka. Get up. The Oompa Loompas. Look at the Ooba. What if you told the Oompa Loompas, by the way, the chocolate factory is closed now. You're all going to bartend at the Capitol Grill. They can't even see over the bar in the Capitol Grill. They're Oompa Loompas. Okay? What we've done in this country is tell a bunch of Oompa Loompas that we're going to make the chocolate in China now where they don't even believe in God. So now you've got a bunch of orange people running around on fentanyl. They're upset. They're not invested in the market. The asset owning class has taken all the money and the Oompa Loompas are just trying to get on reality shows or flick their bean on only fans. They've got fentanyl needles out of their arms and their kids are doing smash and grabs. No good. I've got a perfect puzzle for you now. This is. Now pause this. Now they're doing this in India. That's India. Now what? We're doing this in India. We're doing it in China. This is footage from a real fact now, people. Oh, it's a movie. It's a movie. Shut up. It was a real. This is. This is as close to what I can show you as to what life used to be like when people had purpose. Go. Do you get. When you guzzle down sweet eating as much as an elephant eats, what are you at getting terribly. What do you think will come of that? I don't like the look of it. They're very Judgmental for people who work in a chocolate factory. I've never listened to the words of this before. A little fat phobic, isn't it, to be. You know, aren't they. Aren't they the ones. Aren't they making the chocolate and they're yelling at everyone for eating it? But what I mean is that they had a community, they had a life. They had things going on. The Oompa Loompa could have a little. It could have a wife, and then you could have Oompa Loompa children. Now we say to the Oompa Loompas, I hope you got your Bitcoin. Oh, are you invested in crypto. No, no, no, no, no. I'm trying to make the chocolate bar. Oh, we don't do that here anymore. Sorry. The factories in China go work at Panera. So that. That's what America is. It's an Oompa Loompa at Panera. Who's pissed off? Who's making your little, you know, panini? At Panera, they put it. You want to heat it up? You want to heat it up? Do you want to heat it up? They're not happy. They used to go to a factory and sing and make treats for the children. Now they're in a strip mall in a Panera waiting to get shot in the face by a psychopath. You want it? You want to heated? Do you want. What soup do you want? We have southwestern corn chowder. It's so horrible what we've done to people because these Oompa Loompas now follow me here because I know many of you are. I think most of the people who watch this are high on something, so it's easier to get to where I'm going. But some of them are sober, like me. And if you are sober, you have to follow me a little bit. What you're doing now is this. These tariffs are for the Oompa Loompas because Wonka, they came to Wonka. The Chinese came to Wonka, and they said, you're a psychopath. You're going to keep paying these Oompa Loompas to make the chocolate for the children. And Wonka goes, well, I'm going to give the factory to Charlie because he's worthy of it and he's going to keep everything going. Well, maybe, maybe. Charlie goes, you know, I looked at the books. We opened it up, and here's a reality. Even though Willy Wonka is a genius, he didn't know what he was doing with business. His factory is on the edge of bankruptcy. We need to cut costs. We need to cut costs. We can no longer afford to produce the chocolate in the factory. We need to go to where labor costs are low. So we're moving the factory, we're moving it to China or we're moving it to Pakistan. So the factory goes goodbye. By then, a real estate developer gets rid of the Willy Wonka chalk. They keep a little of it because, because you want the gate and the thing. And they build a condo where the chocolate factory used to be. But they keep just enough of it to excite the millionaires and billionaires who are going to buy these condos. They come in to the chocolate factory and they go, oh, I'm living in this new building and it's so fucking cool. And the realtors go, they are developing the Willy Wonka Chocolate factory into a luxury condo. And then all of their clients, many of them foreign, buy condos in the Willy Wonka Chocolate factory that they visit a few months out of the year. They don't care. They don't care. And you know what? All is left of the chocolate factory. A couple of murals on the wall of chocolate. Okay, but just chocolate. They don't, they don't show Willie or the Oompa Loompas. Because people would ask when they were in the lobby, where did the Oompa Loompas go? And go, oh, oh, they're on heroin. They're on heroin. So the Oompa Loompas now that are told to fuck off, Charlie takes a big buyout, ok? Because a multinational corporation like Unilever buys the chocolate factory and they move all of the jobs offshore. Charlie gets a big penthouse and sits at the top of the penthouse and he, yeah, him, him. He's now evil, okay? Because he said, I need more money and more money and more. And he never even liked chocolate. That's the other thing. He didn't even like chocolate. He just liked going to orgies on a yacht in international waters. So then he's at the top of his penthouse and he goes, are we? Let's go to the orgy. I'll take the helicopter. We'll land right on the yacht. So now he's in international waters having orgies with all of his winnings. Because Unilever bought the chocolate factory and shipped it to China, India, Brazil. And people call you from India and ask you if you want chocolate around Valentine's Day. And they'll ship it to you. Cuz they have distribution centers in America that that ship the Chinese made chocolate to Your fat wife. Okay, so now Charlie's a gazillionaire babillionaire. He's a zillionaire. And he's flying his helicopter and landing on a yacht where he has sex with underage women and then cuts their throat at the point of orgasm and throws them over the yacht. And then they all die in the ocean, which is also pollution. And he's sitting at the top of the factory and all of the Oompa Loompas are working at Panera and they're strung out. Okay, follow me here. Don't start with me. All these strung out Oompa Loompas are like, fuck, what's the deal? And they ask Charlie about this. They say, charlie, why did you do this? And he, he comes back, he wipes the blood off himself from just throwing a woman over a boat. And they said, charlie, why did you sell the factory? Why are all the Oompa Loompas on fentanyl? And Charlie says, it's a shame how trans people are treated in this country. And they go, what? And he goes, it's disgusting how trans people. And he go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, but, but Charlie, the Oompa Loompas are all on fentanyl and they're eating at Panera and they're dying. And Charlie goes, well, the CEO of Unilever is a trans woman and she's a woman. And you go, but I don't understand, Charlie. We don't really have problems with trans people. But many of you in Paloompas are now hanging themselves with these little ropes cuz they have no jobs and you're just offshore on some yacht and whatever, I don't know. And you're invested in all these different companies. But you know, we had a thing here. We had a chocolate factory where we would sing and be happy and all the families would get together and they'd have a little chocolate every now and then. And people used to walk around and be proud of the downtown because it was a chocolate factory and there was tourism and there was a sense of community. And Charlie goes, hey man, I'm a little sick of white guys. And you go, but Charlie, Charlie, you're like really white. You're like pale. And he goes, and I'm ashamed of it. And then he gets on his helicopter and murders another woman. And it almost feels like Charlie himself is using some of this, okay? To get people's mind off the fact that he sold his chocolate factory to a global multinational conglomerate who's offshored all of the Jobs, okay? And then Charlie's sitting there and he's saying, hey, man, this is just the way it is. Those Oompa Loompas need to diversify their portfolios. And the Oompa Loompa's like, wait, what? I'm covered in corn chowder and a Panera. I think people try to kill me. The lemonades caused two heart attacks this last month. And people go, yeah, man, but you're a fucking racist. And the Oompa Loompa goes, well, I'm not really a racist, but I just have. My life has been made horrible. I don't know how it happened. You know, I'm a third generation Oompa Loompa. I'm trained in the chocolate manufacturing. And people go, yeah, whatever, man. I don't know, you just seem like some kind of Nazi and you go, I don't know about that. I just. I don't get health care at this Panera. And my wife's sick. She has headaches. We don't know what they are, but they keep coming. And they go, hey, man, I just don't understand, like, why you have to keep harping on immigrants. And you go, I don't really care about immigrants. I just. I just want some type of job. I. I want some type of future in this country. And they go, well, I don't know about that. I don't know about that, bucko. Do you want it hot? We can make the sandwich hot. Do you want it hot? Do you want it heated up? So then someone's elected and they say, we want to bring the chocolate factory back to America. But it's complicated. Well, why is it complicated? Well, fuck, Because Charlie wasn't the only one who sold the chocolate factory. In fact, Santa Claus is no longer making the toys at the North Pole. At. Do you know who's making the toys? The people in Taiwan are making the toys. Fine. Okay? She go, well, Santa shut down the toy shop, and it's being made by people in Taiwan, and that's fine and great for them, but what happened to the elves? Well, the elves and the Oompa Loompas are on the Internet reading about maybe the earth is flat because they don't have enough money to take their kids to Disney World or whatever. So now we've abandoned the elves and the Oompa Loompas, okay? And we're yelling at them and screaming at them and wondering why they're becoming increasingly politically radical and volatile and why they're embracing pathological behavior. We. We don't Understand it. But Santa Claus is in Miami living in a penthouse with Ken Griffin. And Santa's like, I was an early investor in Citadel and I've always believed in Ken. And that's lovely and nice for Santa. He goes, ah, the toy business ain't what it used to be. And Santa's just sitting there in Bal harbor in a seven bedroom, seven bathroom condo overlooking the ocean, maybe at the Oceania, I don't know, who cares? But Santa's sick of the cold. He likes Miami because there's no income taxes and there's plenty of Latin American women that he can ogle. So Willy Wonka gave the factory to Charlie, who gave it to Unilever. Santa gave the toy shop to Taiwan. The Oompa Loompas and the elves have been left to fend for themselves and they are all working at Panera. So then Donald Trump goes, I want to bring the chocolate factory and Santa's workshop back. But the problem is that our entire economy is based on the fact that everything we consume is made by child slaves. That's why it's also goddamn cheap. Why do you think it's cheap? You think it's cheap because people that these factories, Foxconn, they're not good at Amazon either. You're not allowed to use the bathroom. The whole thing is a nightmare because in order for maximum productivity, you have to treat human beings like their, you know, slaves, like they're indentured servants, like they don't have any autonomy or agency. And the way to do that is to destroy any type of union and any type of community that these people had. Every one of my friends is unneutraful. I'm telling you, they have thicker, fuller heads of hair. I'm telling you. It's easy for us guys to overlook our own well being. Many of us are so busy, we don't realize the stress from from inside can affect the outside. If you've been noticing a little less hair when you look in the mirror lately, now is a perfect time to start taking neutrophils so you can improve your hair growth from the inside out. Hair thinning is very common, very frustrating problem that many men deal with. From stress and nutrition to hormone and lifestyle, so many internal factors affect what you see on the outside. Luckily, Nutrafol is here to help. 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So these tariffs are maybe, probably long term, potentially good, but maybe in the short term they're going to be absolutely a mess. And maybe long term it won't even work either. I don't know, and I'm not an economist. What I do know is that the people who've hollowed out the country, who shipped the jobs elsewhere, who turned their back to child slaves while tweeting about social causes they happen to like and find important, those people are now very spooked because the economy is a scam and a fraud. And, and now we don't know what to do. And I'm not saying it's gonna be good. I'm not saying you're gonna be able to go back to the Oompa Loompa chocolate factory. Cause these Oompa Loompas have a lot of tattoos now. No one loves that. You know, just too many tattoos. It's like, what is this? What are you doing? And the Oompa Loompas are upset and the elves are upset and, you know, so we're gambling. The gambit here, the, the, the, the gamble that Trump's probably staking his entire presidency on, is that he can get people like Charlie, who got the chocolate factory because he won some dumb ticket, okay? And his sick grandpa and him wandered around and supposedly he's a good person. Is he? What happened to the women on the yacht? Few of them didn't make it back. So what we're saying here, and I'm doing this, by the way, in front of Congress, I'm workshopping this here, but I'm doing this in front of a joint sesh. I'm doing in front of a joint session of Congress. I actually am. Have I explained to you what's going on? I Hope I have. And we're trying to go back to the good old days, or what we thought was the good old days. And maybe they were never the good old days, but they were better days for working class Americans than they are now. And it's hard. Our economy is run by an intel intelligence agencies and international criminals. Do you understand that? That there is no such thing as an economy. Stop it. You're. It's fake. It's fake. So they can arrange it, make it do whatever it wants. You go, what's that apartment? $200 million. No, it's not. It's fake. It's all fake. It's money laundering, it's criminality, it's blackmail. It's the intelligence agencies and a lot of their friends high up in finance and tech, arranging the world in ways that allow them to win. They're trying to eliminate human beings. It's just what it is. These tariffs might be a mess. These tariffs are probably economically bad, short term, potentially long term. But when we talk about the economy, understand what we're talking about. We're. We're talking about an international system where criminals thrive at the expense of human beings. A class of biological entity they'd like to eliminate as soon as possible. I don't even want to get into how much the intelligence community controls the economy. That's a whole nother episode. I know more about it than I should. I've spoke to some very smart people about it, okay? They're everywhere. And I'm not saying that in a paranoid way, but what I'm saying is like, yes, it is an international interdependent system. Yes, our cars are made with parts that come from Canada. Yes, iPhones are made with parts that come from 100 plus countries. Yes, it is an interconnected, globalized world. But don't forget who's benefiting the most from that. We have a limited social safety net in this country. We don't have health care, we don't have retirement. We don't have a lot of these things. We don't guarantee a lot of standard of living for people. We have 401k plans and some of them got beat up. And that does suck thousand percent. But we've thrown the American working class, as a lot of people have said, we've threw them out in the cold. And these tariffs are a way to try to wrestle that back. I don't know if it'll work. I don't know what happens if you open the chocolate factory again. I do know that in the chocolate factory now you have luxury condos that people are living in. They live in the chocolate factory. Five blocks away from the chocolate factory. There are people ODing on the street, but they clear those bodies up so you don't have to step over them as you get into the chocolate factory. The chocolate factory, for example, has dark wood. The color palette of the chocolate factory condo, ironically enough, is kind of chocolate. They have milk chocolate wood or dark chocolate. Which color palette do you want? You've made your money in finance. That's a $21 million industrial loft in the chocolate factory, and it's owned by the daughter of a Chinese amusement park tycoon who's rarely seen. She goes there with a few of her art school friends to do coke. I'm describing the world. Pay attention. I don't have time. You understand me? I have to go to Vegas. Trying to play baccarat like, Godson's coming to the hotel I'm staying at. I could give him money. I just paid for his school. I thought he was Chinese. And they go, always Filipino. It's like, what are we doing? Why is he. Why is he in a Montessori? He's Filipino, goes right to work. Sounds racist, but it's not. Actually not. And they're gonna shoot. They're gonna kill Luigi. Whatever his name is, Penny Alavodka. They're gonna kill Mangione, and they're gonna kill Luigi Mangione, not only because he's hot, but because he shot this guy. And he had a lot of popular support. Because people are like, I'm sick of watching my family die because they're broke. I'm sick of watching people die that don't live in the chocolate factory condo for $20 million that don't have concierge doctors that don't have medicine. I'm sick of that. And maybe Mangione is not the perfect mascot for this. Maybe Mangione was just a hot guy who couldn't fuck, who got mad and shot a guy. I don't really know. Maybe that's what it's shaping up to be. Is he the hero you want? No. No one's the hero you think they are. It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. We're trying to turn back the clock with these tariffs. But what I'm trying to tell you is it's going to be very difficult. It's going to be very hard. The world isn't the world by accident. Nothing developed the way it did. Out of happenstance, it has been a takeover for a Very long time people have been sold the idea that freedom is the ultimate thing in life. Most people want communities, families and security. But we've supplanted. We go freedom. You can have all the jobs or none of the jobs. You can do whatever you want and live wherever you want. You can invest in anything you want. Isn't it great? You can deliver food and you can Uber and have an only fans and a blog and a podcast. You can do it all. You're a media entity. You are who you've been waiting for. You don't need anybody else. You can go to school online or offline or a brick and mortar, whatever you like, it doesn't matter. You can team up with a bunch of people and start a YouTube channel where you review architecture from old houses that are now abandoned and the crackheads live in because we ship the chocolate factory away. You have all the freedom in the world, but none of the security, none of the benefits. We've given you all the freedom, all the pretend freedom that you wouldn't know what to do with. And it's not designed for you to actually use Donald Trump. Here's the thing, and I'll get in trouble for saying is, I don't know if this will work, but he's not wrong. I don't know if it'll work, but he's not wrong. I passed a chocolate factory the other day and it is silly to think about that kind of America coming back. It's why we started with the newsies and the this and the that. And it is funny and it is silly. The idea of people having a job and security, it is silly to think about. It is funny, it is strange. But we've given you freedom and we've taken everything else away. We're a scam based economy. Do I love the Trump crypto shit? Absolutely not. Do I love some of his new tech friends? We know how I feel. I'm not going to be the ad nauseam guy that annoys everybody with it, but I'm telling you right now, we're selling you freedom, but we're not really selling you freedom. The word we're selling you is chaos. You're mistaking freedom for chaos. You think that you are free to do anything you want, but you're free to gamble. You're free to hedge your bets. Your free chaos, disorder, confusion, that's what we mean by freedom. A manic attempt to survive. Your spiritual life, your emotional well being, your mental health, your sexual health, all of these things are suffering because you're scrambling to survive and put money in your bank account. But we've convinced you that that's an actual great state of being. That insanity, that mania is great. We've sold it to you as Americana. We've sold that to you. Now that is a part of America. A lot of people, myself included, I have an addict brain. I got into comedy. It's worked. But for years it didn't. I started making money at 35. I'm now 40. I've had five years of earning money. I had a 10 year career before that where I didn't earn any money, didn't earn a lot of money. It was me and Stavros performing at Joe List's thing and we loved it, by the way. It was the most fun in the world. So I, I, I don't regret any of it. It was actually a. There are people that are gonna just wanna take risks and do crazy things and, you know, whether they pan out or not. I was very lucky. I was lucky I was able to do it. I had to. I wasn't, you know, I didn't have to. I mean, I had a good enough health to do it. I mean, I'm not a triathlete, but I had good enough health to do stand up. What I'm saying is that this idea that the stock market runs our lives, that chaos is freedom, and that you have to be in a manic state of reinventing yourself, this entrepreneurship horseshit that has been sold to you as if a business is better than a family, as if an empire is better than truly knowing who you are as a human being. It's essential to sell that to you so that Larry Fink and BlackRock can steal everything. And that's why they pump all these gurus that tell you how to make money and steal and all this bullshit. And I'm not against money and I love money. And no one who says they don't love money is true. But understand where it comes from. Donald Trump is fucking the economy up, but he's not wrong. Those two things are both true. I'm sorry for you to hear that. I know a lot of people don't want to hear it. He's, he's fucking it up right now, but he's not wrong. If you were to look at what's happened to the country, if you were to look at the economic and cultural malaise that the working class has felt, something has to be done. Is it realistic to get them all back into factories? I, I don't know. I don't plan to be. I'm not claiming to be an expert here, but what I'm telling you is at the end, at the end of the day, if Larry Fink and Blackrock are telling you something is good for you, you know the company that bought all the houses, it's probably not if they're selling you freedom, but they're giving you instability, they're giving you chaos. They're telling you that the gig economy is great there. Larry Fink comes out and says you should invest more money. Don't save it, invest it, gamble. Give it to me, give it to us. And he came out and he said that if he's out there telling you that you're being too cautious or responsible with your money, you know there's a reason for it. 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Prize Picks run your game. I'm not saying these tariffs are going to work. I'm not saying these tariffs are good, but I don't think we can run a country where we turn all the chocolate factories into high end condos that are sold to the daughters of Chinese amusement park tycoons who only go every now and then to do coke with their art school friends. Art, by the way. A lot of it fake. I'm just saying. Santa's in Miami. The elves are working at Jamba Juice making smoothies. It doesn't work for a long time. The middle falls out. People feel disconnected. You usher them into cyber bubbles where they can only live through the Internet, they can only express their emotions, and the only freedom they really have is to go on X or Instagram and post. We tell them it no longer makes sense to own a house. Why would you own a car? Just Uber. Just rent. Just be somebody online. That's all we need you to do. We don't want you to own land. We do not want you to own a car. I don't know if these tariffs are going to work. What I know is that the world that was ushered in by Charlie, who let down Willy Wonka because he sold that factory to Unilever, does you leave or advertise on this show? I better watch my mouth. I don't think they do. Look at that. Look. I want you to look at that because I'll tell you what Charlie's saying he's looking at that golden ticket. You know what he's seeing? He's seeing an invitation to the party. That's what little Charlie is saying. He goes, one day I can wear a goat head and stomp around in the forest of California and kill people. You know what Charlie's seeing? He's seeing a $38 million penthouse in Monaco where they have no income tax and no property tax. I did think about moving the studio there. Charlie's thinking about a yacht where he can disappear Ukrainian women after he's done with them. Charlie is not seeing in that golden ticket what you think he's seeing. You think he's seeing the pride of owning the factory, the children getting the treats, the softball team, the family. Charlie's not seeing any of that. He's thinking of how quickly and he can sell this company right out from under the Oompa Loompas who've stirred those pots of chocolate. And all Charlie wants to do is go on MSNBC with CIA director John Brennan and talk about how deeply ashamed he is at racism or something, or whatever ism they're going to focus you on. Instead of the fact that the Oompa Loompa in Panera was just shot by a child, the Oompa Loompa in Panera just got shot in the face by a child. So what does it all mean? The answers aren't. The answers aren't apparent.
- [53:58]
Ryan Seacrest
Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway with the stock up sale at Safeway and Albertsons. Stock up and earn four times points at your local store when you purchase participating products. Save on household essentials from General Mills, Kellogg's, Philadelphia Quaker and Tide. Clip the offer in the app for event savings and look for participating items throughout the store. Shop in store or online. Plus, you can even have your groceries delivered or use Drive up and go to have your groceries brought to your car at the store. Restrictions and exclusions applied. Visit Albertsons or safeway.com for more details.
- [54:30]
Tim Dillon
Three teenage girls try to stab their mother for turning off the WI Fi. That's where we're at. That's where we're at in this country. Three teenage girls tried to stab their mother for trying to turn off the Wi Fi. Let's watch a little bit of this. Well, three teenage girls are in custody tonight after police say they plan to kill their own mother. And they say that it's all because their mom turned off the Wi Fi. It happened overnight on Barker's Crossing near Barker Cypress in Northwest Harris County. That's where we find Fox 26's Jade Flurry on this disturbing story. Jade?
- [55:16]
Jade Flurry
Well, fortunately, the Harris County Sheriff's Office says that the teen's mom was not seriously injured after her own daughters tried to stab her with knives. And we spoke with some nearby neighbors who tell us that disturbances happen frequently at the family home.
- [55:30]
Tim Dillon
They're known for that in this neighborhood. There's always cops around that house.
- [55:36]
Jade Flurry
A family dispute turned violent. The Harris County Sheriff's Office says a mother was assaulted by her own teenage daughters for turning off the WI Fi. Authorities allege the girls then plotted to kill her. The three teens, ages 14, 15 and 16 years old, accused of grabbing kitchen knives and chasing their mom throughout the house and inside the street. A nearby neighbor says they were returning from the rodeo when they saw the family in the driveway.
- [56:00]
Tim Dillon
All right. Moments later, the country is clearly very sick and we have lots of problems. These are the problems. The kids are trying to kill the parents for turning off the Wi Fi. I don't think that's good, do you? So, in summation, I don't know how this is going to play out. Nobody knows how it's going to play out. What I've just described to you is as accurate a vision of the world as I can. That's the world as it is. That's what it is, Charlie. The chocolate factory condo, the yacht in Monaco with the Ukrainian women who disappear, and the Chinese amusement park tycoon's daughter who does coke occasionally with her art school friends. That's what it is. There's not. There's not a ton more to say. How do you wind the clock back so that the Oompa Loompas are walking happily into the chocolate factory? I don't know. I don't know. But I know that Charlie is just a guy who was once a kid who once remembered how good it was to eat chocolate and how fun it was to get a chance to visit the factory before he became a vicious Marquis de Sade murderer who killed Ukrainian women on a yacht in international waters while he earned the money off his Unilever deal. Was he born like that? Or was he born a good kid? Did we turn him into that guy? Did we turn him into a guy who lands helicopters on a yacht just so he can stab a few women? Was there another version of Charlie? Is it religion? Is it politics? Is it culture? Is it all things? That's all I'm asking. At what point did Charlie go wrong? At what point did Charlie forget that he was part of a larger picture and that we all owe it to ourselves to look outside of ourselves. Okay, go to the end of Willy Wonka. Go to the end of it. Cuz it's important. These things are important. This is what the tariffs really mean. Let's watch this. Let's watch this a little. Mr. Walker, I am extraordinarily busy. I just wanted to ask about the chocolate. The lifetime supply of chocolate for Charlie. When does he get it? He doesn't. Why not? Because he broke. Fast forward a little bit to when it gets good. He tricks him in a weary world. Go to the end where they get up in that thing. Here he is. Here he is. Here he is. He goes. Now this, Charlie, is London. And then Charlie looks at it and he goes. One day we'll kick all these people out of these houses. We'll kick all these lazy scumbags out of these houses and we'll turn them into condos and brothels. You can see it in Charlie's eyes. I think it's the most wonderful place. He goes. And they'll just be houses where people live stream all day. And all these people will die. And we'll import people from other places that'll do the work cheaper and they'll make the chocolate. And then eventually we'll just sell the whole goddamn factory. And anyone who complains about this will be called a Nazi. But I'll be on a yacht in Monaco having just filet a Ukrainian woman like a fish. Because that's the only way I can come. My name is Tim Dillon. This is the Tim Dillon Show. I have a Special on Netflix April 15th. This probably isn't for everyone, this content, I understand that, but this is as good of a job as I can do. You can go to the Stern School of Business. You can go to UPenn. What I just did is more valuable than both of those institutions. Bye.
- [60:42]
Ryan Seacrest
Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway with the Stock up sale at Safeway and Albertsons. Stock up and earn four times points at your local store when you purchase participating products. Save on family snack favorites like Frito Lay chips, Tim's Cascade chips, Dan and yogurt and Oreos. Clip the offer in the app for event savings and look for participating items throughout the store. Shop in store or online. Plus you can even have your groceries delivered or use. Drive up and go to have your groceries brought to your car at the store. Restrictions and exclusions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details. Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway with the Stock up sale at Safeway and Albertsons. Stock up and earn four times points at your local store when you purchase participating products. Save on family snack favorites like Frito Lay Chips, Tim's Cascade Chips, Dan and Yogurt, and Oreos. Clip the offer in the app for event savings and look for participating items throughout the store. Shop in store or online. Plus you can even have your groceries delivered or use Drive up and go to have your groceries brought to your car at the store. Restrictions and exclusions applied. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.