The Tony Kornheiser Show

Episode: “Welcome to My Morning”

Date: December 12, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of The Tony Kornheiser Show embodies its signature blend of sports commentary, kvetching about technology, and mailbag musings. The primary theme is Tony’s (amused yet genuinely frustrated) battle against uncontrolled tech updates—Apple’s forced iPhone upgrades in particular—which segues fluidly into reflections on aging, sports, family, and listener feedback. Regular panelists and guests like Michael Kornheiser, Jason La Canfora, James Carville, and Jeff Ma join Tony to break down everything from the NFL week, to naming babies, to the tangled state of customer service and modern digital life. True to form, the show’s tone is self-deprecating, sharp, warm, and often very funny.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tech Frustration—The "Apple Update" Rant

[01:05-04:45]

• Tony opens the show venting about Apple’s forced update on his phone, bemoaning how the tech changes upsets his carefully maintained routines.
• He criticizes the removal or shifting of familiar app interfaces (e.g., changes to Safari, the Clock icon, and display orientation).
• Quote:
  “I’m too old for... I don’t want my phone updated. They updated it anyway. Even though I always press later because I don't want it updated!” —Tony ([01:57])
• The group discusses how tech companies claim to improve life but often just disrupt comfort, especially for older users.
• Michael and others try to help Tony with alternative settings and accessibility features. But Tony is firm:
  “There should be qualifiers. If you are over a certain age, you should have the right to say no.” —Tony ([04:04])
• They bemoan the constant changes mirroring frustrations with other things moving online and being reorganized, like The Washington Post’s sports section.

2. The Aging & Grumpiness Lament

[04:55-11:47]

• Tony, reflecting on the constant, unwanted tech changes, draws parallels to customer service struggles (e.g., with Cigna/Evercore), which he rebrands as “Calculated Indifference Gives No Aid.”
• Commentators empathize, sharing stories of device confusion, generational shifts in tech, and the feeling that life “improvements” often aren’t.
• Quote:
  “I know you think you’re improving everyone's lives, but some people's lives are not improved by what you're doing...You're not.” —Tony ([11:21])

3. Mini Review: The New Yorker Documentary

[05:56-06:48]

• Tony watched the Netflix documentary on The New Yorker’s 100th anniversary.
• He brags affectionately about seeing his friend David Remnick featured, mentions Remnick’s sporting background, and how the magazine’s demographic is aging.
• Quote:
  “The New Yorker is the Subaru of magazines… It made me very happy to see him.” —Tony ([06:09])

4. Sports Talk: Sharon Moore Fallout & Football Chatter

[06:49-07:31]

• Tony quickly addresses the Sharon Moore saga, making clear the show only comments on well-sourced reporting, not unsubstantiated rumors, and succinctly assesses Moore’s prospects:
  “He’s radioactive at the moment.” —Tony ([07:09])

5. Mailbag: Listeners on Being ‘Old,’ Family, & Fame

[07:54-16:36]

• Tony reads heartfelt listener emails, including a shout-out to retiring postal worker Scott Nelson ([08:54]) and fan correspondence from Canada and elsewhere.
• Themes in letters: generational appreciation for the show, fans reflecting on aging (“Father Time is truly undefeated”), and the “elderly grump” persona Tony embodies.
• Quote:
  “I've listened to you through so many facets of my life, but it seems like you stay the same—an annoyed old man yelling from the porch.” —NJ in Calgary ([10:47])
• Some humor about considering a switch from Apple to Samsung, but despairing, "Who else makes phones?" ([11:07])
• Extended, warm conversation about naming children and family heritage, leading to thoughts on the challenges of parenting adult children.
• Quote:
  “Here’s the tough thing about being a father...Sometimes you don’t like [your kids’] decisions and you want to be able to say, you know, I love you, but I’m not crazy about that. But it’s hard to do that…So it’s a hard thing to walk through and to do. Well, I don’t do it well. I blurt stuff out. I’m not good and but I smile at the end." —Tony ([15:20])

NFL, Sports, and Panel Discussion

6. NFL Recap: Tampa Bay, Philip Rivers, and Aging QBs

[21:09-29:08]

• Jason La Canfora joins to break down the latest NFL games and stories.
• Todd Bowles’ coaching tenure and the tottering Tampa Bay Bucs are scrutinized following another loss.
  “They're becoming experts at losing football games…They look like a team with an injured psyche. A wounded psyche.” —Jason La Canfora ([21:34])
• Discussion of fading run defense, Baker Mayfield's injuries, and whether the Bucs’ season (and Mayfield's time in Tampa) is finished.
• The recurring musical theme (Dan Bern’s football song) lampoons the NFL's constant recycling of old QBs.
• Anticipation about aging QB Philip Rivers’ rumored return to play, skepticism about the wisdom/safety of such comebacks.
• Quote:
  “This is really, like I said, walking off the farm or whatever. I think it’s fraught with peril…I don’t think they have much of a chance to win this football game.” —Jason La Canfora ([28:11])

7. Joe Burrow’s Future & NFL Franchise Realities

[29:49-32:32]

• Tony and Jason discuss Joe Burrow’s public “NBA-style” unhappiness, whether he’ll be a “Bengal lifer,” and how the Bengals’ personnel choices and organizational depth may drive his eventual exit.
• Quote:
  “I've long said and long written that he's not Bengal lifer…I don't personally think he sees himself as doing all that with the Bengals because I'm not sure that he believes in his heart that they're ever going to win as badly as he wants to win.” —Jason La Canfora ([30:26])

8. Baltimore Orioles’ Pete Alonso Acquisition

[32:32-34:16]

• Baltimore gets praise for signing Pete Alonso, not just as a power-pickup but as a symbolic move—a step “real organizations” take to contend.
• Quote:
  “It’s huge for Gunnar Henderson…it realigns a lot of things for this organization and takes a lot off some other people’s shoulders.” —Jason La Canfora ([34:10])

Sports Wagers & Guest Picks

9. James Carville’s Rant & Picks

[36:31-40:33]

• James Carville delivers his regular segment, mixing college football insight with sharp barbs about Louisiana political interference at LSU.
• Picks for the week include the Bears, Bills, Rams, and Steelers.
• Memorable Quote:
  “At first you gotta level it and then you gotta rise. This is the week. This is the week we go rise.” —James Carville ([38:54])

10. Jeff Ma: Analytics vs. 'The Eye Test,' NFL Betting

[42:20-53:20]

• Jeff Ma weighs in on the “analytics vs. intuition” debate in baseball management.
• Quote:
  “The only way to make great decisions over a long course of time is to do it based on data. Otherwise…we just can’t make—we can’t divorce ourselves from our emotions.” —Jeff Ma ([48:11])
• Football picks: Patriots, Bengals, Saints, Lions, Broncos
• Discussion of the new Nationals’ GM, Paul Tabone, and the trend of youth and analytics in modern MLB.

Listener Mailbag—Life, MRIs, Croquet Glory & More

[54:00–67:00+]

• A stream of witty and touching listener letters about MRI experiences, aging, uncomfortable tech, croquet championships, suburban construction, and more.

• Notable MRI stories include combatting claustrophobia with golf visualization, the Navy’s effect on comfort with confined spaces, and the surprise medical findings that come from being “in the tube.”

• Quote:
  “So now whenever I’m stuck in an MRI, I borrow a page from the major. I play around in my head...Inside the mri, my drives never find a bunker, my approaches always hold the green, and I never three putt.” —Listener Email ([56:00])

• Croquet world champion listener makes his pitch for show official croquet player, only to name someone else. ([64:44])

• Banter about roast beef consumption:
  “I just ate the roast beef in my hand.” —Tony ([67:57])

Notable Quotes & Segments (with Timestamps)

• “I was going to tell you what was coming up on the show today, but Apple decided to do a forced update…I hate Apple. Happy holidays, everyone.” —Tony ([00:00])
• “Calculated Indifference Gives No Aid. Yes, that's it. Cigna.” —Tony on his insurance company ([01:26])
• “Leave me alone. Let me have my phone the way I want to have my phone.” —Tony ([04:21])
• “We’re not going to deal with the things that are on the internet which says, I heard that. …We’re not going to do that.” —Tony on show’s editorial standards ([07:09])
• “Father Time is truly undefeated.” —Listener quoting Mike Wilbon ([10:47])
• “Just have a setting on your phone that just goes, stop, stop.” —Michael ([11:47])
• “You spent so much time wondering whether you could do this, you never thought whether you should do this.” —Jurassic Park quote via panel ([11:53])
• “I don’t know what I am. I am a creature of habit. If it worked for me yesterday, I press it again today and they changed it and they do this.” —Tony ([03:48])
• “It’s amazing how quickly it becomes just second nature to the way you maneuver through anything.” —Michael ([05:37])
• “We had five national championships in this century...Not many schools do that.” —James Carville, proud LSU alum ([38:31])

Memorable Moments

• Tony’s “boomer” meltdown over Apple’s update—frustration, comic defeat, and relatable resistance to change ([01:57–04:45])
• The back-and-forth about generations, technology, and what “help” really means, laced with sarcasm and self-awareness ([11:07–11:53])
• Jason La Canfora diagnosing NFL losing cultures and how “life comes at you fast, man”, linking sports to wider lessons ([29:49])
• Tony’s deadpan description of eating roast beef “in my hand” ([67:57]), the kind of small, mundane, yet oddly profound detail that defines the show’s voice.
• The mailbag sampling the full spectrum of the show: nostalgia, specialized professions (cardiac device specialists, croquet champions), and the gratitude of the listenership.

Episode Structure & Flow

• 0:00–01:05: Cold Open, Tony’s Apple iPhone rant.
• 01:05–04:45: Tech complaints, Insurance rants.
• 04:45–11:47: Listener mail, parenting, technology, aging
• 11:47–16:36: More mail, naming children and family.
• 21:09–34:17: NFL analysis with Jason La Canfora.
• 36:00–40:33: James Carville’s weekly picks.
• 42:20–53:20: Jeff Ma’s analytics talk and picks.
• 54:00–67:00+: Mailbag, rapid-fire listener contributions, Bethesda Bagels ad, and closing banter.

Note: Ads/promo segments and musical bumpers are skipped in this summary.

Tone & Takeaways

The Tony Kornheiser Show remains a sanctuary for the curmudgeonly, the sports-obsessed, and anyone who appreciates wry, heartfelt talk about modern life’s absurdities. This episode, in particular, is a masterclass in self-aware griping, delivered with warmth and winking humor, buffered by wise, funny, and occasionally touching perspectives from listeners and guests alike. Tony’s voice as America’s lovable, if mildly combative, “old man yelling from the porch” has never been truer—or more needed.

For First-Time Listeners

• You don’t need to be a sports fanatic—the show uses sports as a frame for broader conversations about life, family, technology, and growing older.
• Recurring segments and inside jokes abound (e.g., “littles,” roast beef, Bethesda Bagels), but the podcast is accessible thanks to Tony’s storytelling and the authenticity of guest contributions.
• If you’ve ever hated a phone update, wondered when you turned into your parents, or just want reassurance that you’re not alone in befuddlement, you’ll feel right at home.