“You’re A Member Alright”

Summary

The Tony Kornheiser Show: Episode “You’re A Member Alright” – Detailed Summary

Release Date: April 10, 2025

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Introduction and Opening Remarks

The episode kicks off with Tony Kornheiser humorously addressing a technical mishap, suggesting improbable guests like Mick Jagger and the Dalai Lama, setting a lighthearted tone ([00:00]). This brief jest leads into the main content as the hosts navigate through various topics of the day, predominantly focusing on sports and personal anecdotes.

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Washington Nationals’ Bullpen Performance

Discussion Points:

• Analysis of the Washington Nationals' recent baseball game performance.
• Specific focus on pitcher Salazar and his contribution to the game's outcome.
• The role of the bullpen in maintaining the team's lead.

Notable Quotes:

• Tony remarks on the bullpen: “The Nats bullpen, not all of it failed last night. Not all of it failed, but Salazar failed” ([02:00]).
• Doug Ferguson highlights pitching stats: “I believe he threw 55 pitches in the first inning. And he only threw like 101 in the entire game” ([02:57]).

Insights: The hosts dissect the Nationals' pitching strategy, emphasizing Salazar's high pitch count and its impact on the game's dynamics. They debate the effectiveness of bullpen management and express mixed opinions on the overall performance, suggesting room for improvement despite the team maintaining a lead.

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NBA Teams and Intentional Losing

Discussion Points:

• Examination of the Philadelphia 76ers and Washington Wizards allegedly trying to lose games intentionally.
• The implications of such strategies on the integrity of the NBA and its betting partnerships.

Notable Quotes:

• Tony criticizes the teams: “Trying to lose repeatedly. Two of them played each other. The Philadelphia 76ers who are desperately trying to lose to get hold of a draft pick that would otherwise go to Oklahoma City” ([04:32]).
• He emphasizes the problem with betting: “The NBA has gambling partners and encourages people who watch the games to bet. And this is what they call in a trade, a boat race” ([04:42]).

Insights: The conversation delves into the controversial tactics of teams aiming to secure better draft positions by underperforming. Tony expresses concern over how these actions undermine the competitive spirit and pose challenges to the NBA’s relationships with gambling entities, potentially eroding fan trust and the league's reputation.

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Frustrations with AT&T Billing and the Check-Paying Tradition

Discussion Points:

• Tony's personal struggle with AT&T’s billing practices, specifically disputing an $8 late fee.
• A broader conversation about the decline of check payments in favor of auto-pay systems.
• The time and effort required to resolve minor billing disputes.

Notable Quotes:

• Tony vents his frustration: “I don't want you to have access to my accounts. And I don't want you to be able to press a button and deduct what you say that I owe you” ([08:40]).
• Doug offers practical advice: “Your time is worth so much more than $8” ([12:32]).
• Tony emphasizes the principle: “But how can you say to me, it's not your fault if the mail gets here late? Why is it? Why is it my fault?” ([12:29]).

Insights: The hosts explore the challenges of maintaining traditional payment methods in a digital age, highlighting Tony’s preference for sending checks to retain control over his finances. They discuss the inefficiency and frustration of automated systems, especially when facing minor issues like late fees due to mail delays. The segment underscores a generational divide in financial management preferences and the complexities introduced by modern billing practices.

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The Masters Golf Tournament: Player Analysis and Personal Experiences

Discussion Points:

• In-depth analysis of the Masters Golf Tournament, focusing on player performances and strategies.
• Rory McIlroy's quest for his first Masters win amidst stiff competition from emerging talents like Scotty Scheffler.
• Personal anecdotes from Doug Ferguson and Steve Sands about attending the tournament.

Notable Quotes:

• Steve Sands on Rory: “He's obviously capable of doing this thing, but the more you try, the harder it gets” ([24:01]).
• Tony on Rory’s likelihood: “Rory is over his last 38. He is, by any measure, one of the best three golfers in the world throughout all of this” ([25:13]).
• Gary Braun shares his Masters experience: “It was really almost an ethereal quality about it for me. I loved it. I loved it” ([38:02]).

Insights: The discussion paints a comprehensive picture of the current Masters landscape, emphasizing Rory McIlroy's determination and the psychological pressures of repeated attempts to secure a win. The hosts acknowledge the influx of young, talented golfers, making the competition fiercer each year. Personal stories from Gary Braun and others add depth, illustrating the allure and challenges of attending such a prestigious event. The segment balances statistical analysis with personal passion for the sport, highlighting both the technical and emotional facets of competitive golf.

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Listener Engagement: Emails and Stories

Discussion Points:

• Reading and reacting to listener emails, which include humorous anecdotes, personal stories, and creative submissions like golf-themed songs.
• Interaction among hosts as they respond to the diverse range of listener contributions.

Notable Quotes:

• Tony on listener emails: “If you could read it on the podcast, that would be great” ([55:39]).
• Gary humorously references his contributions: “That's him. We'll take a break” ([46:43]).

Insights: The segment showcases the show's interactive nature, with listeners actively participating through emails and creative content. The hosts engage with the submissions humorously, fostering a sense of community and inclusivity. This interaction not only entertains but also strengthens the connection between the show and its audience, making listeners feel valued and involved.

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Musical and Poetic Interludes

Discussion Points:

• Presentation of original songs and poems submitted by listeners, reflecting on themes like golf and personal experiences.
• Hosts' commentary on the creative pieces, blending humor with appreciation for the artistic efforts.

Notable Quotes:

• Tony introduces a golf song: “A golf song called One Man Scrambled sent to us by Max Donnelly” ([20:27]).
• Dan Byrne sings a poetic piece: “Every stroke turned grey old like the football games the stories old” ([59:31]).

Insights: These interludes add a creative and artistic dimension to the show, allowing listeners to express themselves and contribute to the podcast's unique flavor. The hosts appreciate and humorously critique the submissions, enhancing the show's dynamic and entertaining atmosphere. This blend of conversation and creative expression underscores the show's versatility and commitment to engaging content beyond traditional talk segments.

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Conclusion and Final Remarks

As the episode wraps up, Tony thanks the participants and listeners, reiterating the show's themes of sports analysis, personal stories, and community engagement. The hosts maintain a comedic tone, ensuring the episode concludes on a light and enjoyable note.

Notable Quotes:

• Tony closes with a humorous note: “That's who you are.” ([62:50]).
• Final poetic lines: “Swinging so smooth Every shot felt right by the n green” ([60:02]).

Insights: The episode successfully balances in-depth sports discussions with personal anecdotes and creative listener contributions. Tony and his co-hosts navigate through various topics with humor and insight, making the content both informative and entertaining for listeners who haven't tuned in. The structured sections and engaging dialogue provide a comprehensive overview of the day's events, ensuring a rich and enjoyable summary.

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Key Takeaways

• Sports Analysis: The episode offers detailed critiques of recent performances in baseball and basketball, alongside an in-depth discussion of the Masters Golf Tournament, highlighting both team strategies and individual player performances.

• Personal Anecdotes: Hosts share personal frustrations with modern billing systems, reminiscing about traditional practices and the challenges of adapting to new technologies.

• Community Engagement: Listener contributions through emails and creative submissions play a significant role, fostering a sense of community and enhancing the show's interactive appeal.

• Creative Expressions: The inclusion of original songs and poems enriches the show's content, blending sports talk with artistic creativity.

Overall, “You’re A Member Alright” embodies the essence of "The Tony Kornheiser Show" by merging topical discussions with personal insights and community interaction, delivering a comprehensive and entertaining listening experience.

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Notable Timestamped Quotes:

• National Bullpen Performance:
  Tony: “The Nats bullpen, not all of it failed last night. Not all of it failed, but Salazar failed” ([02:00]).

• NBA Teams Intentional Losing:
  Tony: “Trying to lose repeatedly. Two of them played each other…” ([04:32]).

• AT&T Billing Frustration:
  Tony: “But how can you say to me, it's not your fault if the mail gets here late? Why is it my fault?” ([12:29]).

• Masters Golf - Rory’s Chances:
  Tony: “Rory is over his last 38. He is, by any measure, one of the best three golfers in the world throughout all of this” ([25:13]).

• Listener Email Highlight:
  Tony: “If you could read it on the podcast, that would be great” ([55:39]).

• Poetic Interlude Conclusion:
  Tony: “Swinging so smooth Every shot felt right by the n green” ([60:02]).

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This comprehensive summary captures the essence of the episode, providing insights into the main discussions, notable interactions, and the show's unique blend of sports analysis and community engagement. For those who haven't listened, this summary offers a clear and engaging overview of the episode's key elements.

Transcript

[Tony Kornheiser]

Hey, it's Tony. If you're hearing this, it means that Nigel has flushed the mouse and forgot to have me record something new. So who knows who our guests will be today? Maybe Mick Jagger, Sandy Koufax, Dalai Lama? Long hitter? The Lamb? Probably not, but I guess you'll have to tune in to find out. But first, let's keep the sales weasels happy. Let's shift to another topic that's always on my mind. The future of golf. Today's most impactful players aren't just on the pro circuit. They're everywhere. For starters, there's one of a 14 year old, one armed golfing prodigy Tommy Morrissey since the age of three. Yes, three. This kid could drive it down the fairway like a legend. Then there's pro golfer Gabby Barker, who's inspiring more girls to get in the game. And Renee Fluker is giving kids in our community life lessons through golf lessons. Her midnight golf program has helped thousands of kids build brighter futures. Right now, we're seeing the game grow in ways some never thought possible. I, on the other hand, always knew that golf had limitless potential to bring people together. Bank of America supports everyone determined to find out what's possible in golf and in life. Meet more game changing [e-mail] MastersGolf what would you like the power to do? Bank of America NA Member FDIC Copyright 2025 bank of America Corporation. All rights reserved. It's spring Black Friday at the Home Depot. So what are you working on? If you're sprucing up your lawn, you know there's no such thing as too much mulch. So don't miss this special. Buy five bags of Scott's Earthgro mulch for only $10 at the home Depot. Promote healthier soil, prevent weeds, and beautify your yard with mulch that maintains its color for up to 12 months. Shop 14 days of deals during spring Black Friday now through April 16th at the home Depot.

[Nigel]

Previously on the Tony Kornizer Show.

[Tony Kornheiser]

They're very good chocolate.

[Chris]

This is a sealed bag.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yes, yes. So it was very good, you know, and then I left them for everybody else, which I thought was probably the right thing to do.

[Chris]

Don't want to keep them in the freezer just for your once a week visit.

[Tony Kornheiser]

I have so many things. No, I don't. Apparently the Washington Capitals sent ice cream over. Bonnie said that to me and I said, I'm not eating ice cream from. Oh, thank you, Mr. Leonis.

[Chris]

Thank you, Mr. Leonis.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah, I'm not eating ice Cream somebody.

[Michael]

To try this before me.

[Tony Kornheiser]

I'm not that. I mean, I don't know what he put in it. He don't like me. Well, I understand that the Tony Korneiser is on now. All right, Chris is here with us today. Michael and Nigel are here and Chris is here. I want to thank Steve Lenowitz for a very nice note. I appreciate that. A couple of things I wanted to say and then I'm going to launch into something that I know Chris will like. First of all, the Nats bullpen, not all of it failed last night. Not all of it failed, but Salazar failed. The gnats are down four nothing after the top of the first. It's four three at the bottom of the first. And then that's a first inning point.

[Chris]

38 minutes.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Is that right? Yeah. Irvin threw.

[Doug Ferguson]

I believe he threw 55 pitches in the first inning. And he only threw like 101 in the entire game. And he pitched through six.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah. So the Nats then take the lead. The Nats are up five to four. And now we're in the seventh inning. And now you have to go to the bullpen.

[Michael]

Going for the sweep.

[Doug Ferguson]

First sweep. Dodgers, 2000. Like five of the Dodgers.

[Gary Braun]

Yes.

[Tony Kornheiser]

National defending world champions. The Dodgers, a great team. You know, with the first guy up. Sort of intimidating. Yeah. Shohei Otani, sort of intimidating. Had like a hundred hits in the series. Anyway, they go to the bullpen. They didn't go to Salazar first. Then they would go to Pooch. Yeah, I think they went to Pooch first. Or Sims. Sims was last. Pooch and Sims.

[Chris]

Pooch coming off the win.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah, Pooch. But they go to Salazar like as long to me. As long as you don't go to Jose A. Ferrer, I'm okay. I don't want to see him.

[Doug Ferguson]

I just.

[Tony Kornheiser]

I don't want to see him. He isn't. I know everybody says he's got the best stuff in the bullpen. Okay. But it Wander Suero, you know, he's great stuff. He's not.

[Chris]

He's no Blake Trinen.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Electric stuff like Troynan saved the game.

[Gary Braun]

Yeah.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Blake Trinen.

[Doug Ferguson]

Blake Trinen has two World Series rings.

[Steve Sands]

I believe.

[Chris]

What I respect is he has held on to that half goatee for years.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah.

[Doug Ferguson]

It's long gone, out of style.

[Tony Kornheiser]

I don't like. But I respect what he's done. Sure.

[Doug Ferguson]

That's how I feel about you.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah, thanks. But Salazar gave up two home runs. And they lose, and they lose. And it's the bullpen. And you can say well, the other guys in the bullpen were fine. Okay, they were fine. But one of them.

[Michael]

They all need.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Wasn't fine. So. But no one, no one can be upset at the. At the conclusion of the series at them beating the Dodgers twice. No, no.

[Doug Ferguson]

And coming very close to winning the third game. I thought they were going to lose 10 to 1, honestly.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Well, it's four nothing at the top.

[Doug Ferguson]

I know, right?

[Tony Kornheiser]

Well, that's. So that's fine. The other thing I wanted to mention is last night, two of the three teams that are trying the NBA that are defrauding the ticket holders, defrauding the ticket holders by trying to lose. Trying to lose repeatedly. Two of them played each other. The Philadelphia 76ers who are desperately trying to lose to get hold of a draft pick that would otherwise go to Oklahoma City, I think. And. And the Washington Wizards who are desperately trying to lose, who do not play their best players. And they don't. Like nine guys didn't play last night. If you look at the box score, you just go, who are these people?

[Chris]

Play running clock.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah. And it was, you know, it was at. In Washington and the Sixers are trying to lose and couldn't lose. Nope.

[Doug Ferguson]

They won by 13.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah, Washington tried harder to lose. And again, and I've said this before, they should be investigated by the NBA. And only because of the betting. Only because the NBA has gambling partners and encourages people who watch the games to bet. And this is what they call in a trade, a boat race. The team's not seems actively trying to lose. So anything you do, I mean, you have to bet the under on all prop bets. You have to bet the un. It's just. It's not right.

[Doug Ferguson]

And by the way, I was fine. I was wrong. They lost, but the wizards lost by 19, not 13. And the two leading scorers didn't play. The leading score for the Sixers who scored. He scored 30. Was Jeff Doughton Jr.

[Tony Kornheiser]

I don't know who that is. Nobody is.

[Doug Ferguson]

He is in his third season from powerhouse Rhode island. And the leading scorer for your Washington Wizards was Tristan Vuk Sevich.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Tristan Vukicovich.

[Doug Ferguson]

No, it's not Vukovich. That's who I thought it was. It's a totally.

[Tony Kornheiser]

It's a different guy. It's a.

[Doug Ferguson]

He was their second round pick in 2023. No, this is a guy.

[Michael]

I've got good news though. The Jazz took their eyes off the ball, won an overtime against the Blazers last night.

[Tony Kornheiser]

So that helps the Wizards.

[Michael]

Wizards are now tied with the Utah Jazz for that Final with that last.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Place you're trying to lose and you don't lose is terrible.

[Doug Ferguson]

My kids could not be more excited about the possibility of Cooper flag.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Let me.

[Chris]

Do you see the video of him on the range?

[Doug Ferguson]

No.

[Chris]

It was like the day. I don't know if I saw this on the Internet. So I don't know if it's true. It was after the loss. It's him by himself on the driving range, just cranking driver.

[Doug Ferguson]

Really?

[Gary Braun]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I hope it's true.

[Doug Ferguson]

I do, too. I mean, he's obviously a good athlete, but my kids are so play that.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Much golf growing up in Maine.

[Doug Ferguson]

No, my kids are so excited for it. I mean, I worry that the Wizards are going to get the most likelihood.

[Tony Kornheiser]

What if he says, I don't want to play there, I don't want to work it out?

[Doug Ferguson]

I told someone last night, he can.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Go to the NBA and say, here's where I want to play. Work it out or I'll stay in college.

[Doug Ferguson]

I talked to someone last night who has some insight into the situation. Was saying basically that the kid is. Is keeping all options opening to Duke, doing exactly what you just said, being the number one pick. It has a ton of money. He has more money than any anyway, like, figure because of Nil.

[Tony Kornheiser]

That's right.

[Doug Ferguson]

And so he can kind of. I, I gosh, I hope he comes to the Wizards.

[Tony Kornheiser]

But yes, just you want to see. Do you trust the management right now? Do you trust the general manager and the coach?

[Doug Ferguson]

Well, remember that. Remember, I always tell people, unlike you, I get a check for Monumental Sports. So, yes, I 100% trust them.

[Tony Kornheiser]

So I'm on the other end of that. So let me get to this other thing I want to do. Because Chris usually likes these stores. I am, as everybody knows, I'm one of those people who pays bills by check. I want paper bills. I want to send you a check.

[Chris]

The least secure way to pay.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Okay.

[Doug Ferguson]

There are dozens of you still left in America, all old and all.

[Tony Kornheiser]

And I don't want you to have access to my accounts. And I don't want you to be able to press a button and deduct what you say that I owe you. I don't want that. And I felt that living in the United States of America, I still had that right to pay by check. Because I pay. Right. If you can go through my records, you'll see that I always pay. What? This has his hand. Yes.

[Doug Ferguson]

Quick question. Do you or does Carol balance your check?

[Tony Kornheiser]

I do.

[Chris]

Beautifully. It's beautifully maintained.

[Doug Ferguson]

I remember Distinctly. My father at the kitchen table, 1980s, and getting super pissed at my mom when it didn't bounce, even though it wasn't her fault.

[Tony Kornheiser]

So you do still do that.

[Doug Ferguson]

Okay, interesting.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah, I learned that from my parents.

[Doug Ferguson]

Yes, absolutely.

[Tony Kornheiser]

It's a thing. I mean, I learned it.

[Chris]

You don't write a check at the grocery store, though, do you?

[Tony Kornheiser]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Doug Ferguson]

My mom used to do that.

[Michael]

Cvs.

[Tony Kornheiser]

No, I took to. To traditional monthly bills, to American Express, to AT&T, your various country clubs. To various clubs. Yeah. To college, gas, stuff like that. Yes, I do. And I want to continue to do that because I enjoy doing that and I know how to balance these things. So I get a bill from AT&T&. And it has late charges. And I call up, what's the late charge?

[Doug Ferguson]

Weasels?

[Tony Kornheiser]

And they said, well, you know, we told you you had to have the bill in by X, and you didn't. I said, did you get. Did you get the check? So, yeah, we got the check, but it was late. Said, you got. You got the check though, right? You can look back in my history, get checks every month, right? They're not always late. They're rarely late. You know why this was late? This was late because I didn't get the bill until the day that you said it was due. They said to me, that's not our fault. That's the mail. That's the male's fault. I said, okay, why is it my fault? If it's not your fault, why is it my fault? Within the. Within a one week period of getting your bill, I sent you a check. You had the check. Well, I'm sorry. It's not our fault that it was late. So I started to ask lawyers. Yesterday, I started to ask lawyers, I said, the arbitrary nature of this, that just because they print on the bill and if we don't have it by X time, there's a late charge, just because they do that, it should only.

[Chris]

Be activated if it arrives to you with that same grace.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Did I sign up for that? And a lawyer said to me last night in that ridiculously long thing that you signed when you agreed to go to AT&T. It's probably buried in there. I said, is it legal? And he said, well, I don't know that anyone has ever, you know, put up a class action suit against it. So I don't know the answer to that. So I have called AT&T. AT&T. To which I have subscribed for, I don't know, 100 years. And I've said, I'm never paying this late charge. You can compound it for the rest of time. I'm going to die before I pay. I'm not paying it. And if you persist in doing this, I'm gonna go to another carrier. I don't, I don't want this. And they say, you know, there's other ways to pay. You can press star. Hey, no, I don't know. I, No, I don't want to do.

[Doug Ferguson]

That's like waving a red cape in front of a bull.

[Tony Kornheiser]

I don't want to do it that way. I don't want you to have access to my money. No, I don't want that. And I'm not gonna pay this. So they said, well, we're gonna waive it as a one time thing. I said, okay, but I don't want to see this on the next bill, and I'm sure I will. And it's $8. It's not a lot of money.

[Michael]

It's the point.

[Tony Kornheiser]

It's $8. But how can you say to me, it's not your fault if the mail gets here late? Why is it? Why is it my fault? Right, Chris?

[Doug Ferguson]

Yes, a relevant question here.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yes, you can ask. I don't know if I can answer. Is T Mobile any good?

[Doug Ferguson]

I mean, I mean, they're all bad. It's like airlines. I mean, it's just, you know, just.

[Chris]

Rotate around, like getting cable tv. You give up all your rights when you, when you agree for these modern conveniences.

[Doug Ferguson]

How much time did you spend on this?

[Chris]

Not the point.

[Tony Kornheiser]

What do you mean? In going through this, like, did you.

[Doug Ferguson]

You skipped a crucial step for me, which is, did you call? How did you acquire the number to call? Because you don't do the Internet. Is it on the bill?

[Tony Kornheiser]

There is a, there are a variety of numbers on the bill.

[Doug Ferguson]

Okay.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Call anyone you want. And then you scream, representative. Representative.

[Doug Ferguson]

And how long did that take?

[Tony Kornheiser]

An hour or two.

[Doug Ferguson]

Just the cost. Your time is. Your time is worth so much more than $8.

[Chris]

No, it gives him strength.

[Tony Kornheiser]

And what they do, at some point.

[Doug Ferguson]

You probably could make 200 times that amount.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Doesn't matter. What they do at some point is they say, we will call you back. You will not lose your place in line. And they do, they do call you back. And I explain this, and they all have the authority to waive it. Yeah, of course. Yeah. And they waive it. But I don't know when I get the next bill, if something shows up, I'm not paying it. No, I Don't care if it's 7 cents. I'm not paying it because I. I dispute the notion that if it's not your fault, it is, then my fault. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Doug Ferguson]

Yes.

[Tony Kornheiser]

We're all subject to the vagaries of the mail. Yeah. Give me a break here.

[Doug Ferguson]

I know you like these stories. I know John Stanky a little bit the head of AT T. So let me clear this up. Let me get this in front of him.

[Michael]

Get you a lifetime waiver.

[Doug Ferguson]

Nothing is better to me because I just don't understand your willingness to invest that amount of time in it.

[Michael]

You don't want anyone to get over.

[Doug Ferguson]

You, you know, because you are as weak knowledge. You are wealthy.

[Tony Kornheiser]

$8. I'm not wealthy. I'm rich. Yes, right.

[Doug Ferguson]

Okay, okay, you are rich. $8 is nothing.

[Tony Kornheiser]

I have read. Everybody has read these things that somebody like Jeff Bezos, it does not pay him to bend down to pick up a $100 bill as he's walking. Correct. He does not. But to me, you're cheating me. That's the principle of the thing. I get it. It just makes me laugh.

[Michael]

There's a couple of takeaways from this. First of all, stunned that they said. This is an awful. Stunned that they didn't say, oh, you know what? We see things here. Yeah, we'll take care of.

[Chris]

I can't admit to anything.

[Tony Kornheiser]

I threatened to leave them. They didn't care. Also, it's not.

[Doug Ferguson]

Again, just to return to this. It's not eight grand. They can.

[Tony Kornheiser]

I have no complaint, by the way, with AT&T service. No, I have no complaint. Right. I have complaint with this.

[Michael]

Well, this. Yeah.

[Tony Kornheiser]

But this is fine.

[Michael]

Even though they didn't really respond to your threat of leaving and care. They will at some point. Because, I mean, this is what makes it better than trying to argue with Pepco. Because Pepco's like, where are you going to get your electricity from?

[Tony Kornheiser]

I've had this.

[Doug Ferguson]

That's right.

[Michael]

There is go next. Oh, that's right. We're the only shop in town. You know, Verizon is very. I mean, there's a number of things you could do.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah.

[Michael]

And they'll always give you a deal when you. When you sign up. You know, new.

[Tony Kornheiser]

I just. I felt. I think the spine of this show is that we all have the same problems. Although obviously, increasingly fewer people have this problem because increasingly people are willing to do that auto pay stuff. Michael, you do auto pay on everything. I don't.

[Chris]

I have my account information saved I still like to check to make sure the numbers are correct. I just, I find it amazing that your default answer is check to see that my checks have arrived on time for x 50 years. The fact that you think that that is somehow going to get you special treatment if in this one instant you were not actually paying on time. And the difference here is they didn't get it to you, so. But that you somehow think that they care about your loyalty over X years.

[Doug Ferguson]

Let me just go back through your.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Well, American Express did. American Express sent me a gift when I was with them for 50 years.

[Chris]

I'm approaching my 50 year.

[Tony Kornheiser]

That's what I like with American citizens.

[Doug Ferguson]

I mean, a gift from AT&T might not be, you know, I'm not, you're not asking for it. I don't want to be nice.

[Tony Kornheiser]

I just don't want. I just don't want the late charge. That's all right. Now my bill is like $200.

[Chris]

Let's not go there.

[Tony Kornheiser]

$8 doesn't mean anything to $200. It's not the point. I'm not disputing the bill, I'm disputing the late charge.

[Doug Ferguson]

I just. Can you call me at some point before you get on this call and just.

[Chris]

Is it worth my three way call.

[Doug Ferguson]

Where I can just listen in FaceTime?

[Steve Sands]

Oh my God.

[Doug Ferguson]

I just want to person.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah, real person.

[Doug Ferguson]

Just rising frustration when they're like, I mean, you know, you can pay online, right? Don't say that to him.

[Michael]

When. When they say they'll call you back and they do call you back. What, what do you do in that time period? Do you sit and stare at the phone and wait for it?

[Chris]

I watch the Nats is your first question. Where are you exactly right now?

[Tony Kornheiser]

The best.

[Doug Ferguson]

Where are you calling from?

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah, what time is it there? Where? All right, that's it.

[Doug Ferguson]

Yeah, that's all the best.

[Tony Kornheiser]

That's all I got.

[Doug Ferguson]

But the moral is. You got that eight box.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Maybe.

[Doug Ferguson]

Well, maybe it's in the Internet ether.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Maybe. Yeah.

[Doug Ferguson]

Be great if they were like, we'll give you eight bucks back, but only in crypto.

[Tony Kornheiser]

No, we don't know. All right, Doug Ferguson at Augusta. When we return, I'm Tony Kornheiser.

[Nigel]

This is the Tony Kornheiser Show.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Tony Kornizer Show. This is a Blue Nile read. Consider this your official notice. Mother's Day is fast approaching. Sunday, May 11th is the day to celebrate the moms in our lives. And this year, a meaningful gift can go a long way. A special piece of jewelry from Bluenile.com is a beautiful way to show how much you care. At Blue Nile, you'll find thousands of independently graded diamonds and fine jewelry pieces, often at prices below expectations. As the original online jeweler since 1999, Blue Nile delivers peace of mind with some of the highest quality standards in the industry. From timeless diamond pendants to elegant tennis bracelets, there's something to complement every mom's style. Need help choosing jewelry? Experts are available 247 via phone or chat to guide you through everything from diamond specs to finding something that fits your budget. Every order is insured, arrives in discreet packaging and in most cases can even be delivered overnight. Plus, with 30 day returns and a diamond price match guarantee, shopping is worry free. Treat mom right this Mother's Day. Enjoy the ease and convenience of shopping Blue Nile, the original online dealer a jeweler? Rather go to bluenile.com today. That's blue nile.com you're listening to the Tony Kornheiser Show. This is the Game Time read. You ever have one of those days where you just need to be at the game? Normally last minute plans like that would be stressful, but not with game time. Just pull up the app and you'll find great deals on seats and within minutes you'll be set. Game time makes getting last minute tickets ridiculously easy. Prices actually drop as the game gets closer. With features like all in pricing, seat view previews and their lowest price guarantee. There's no guesswork, just the best deal possible. You will love scrolling through the app to check out upcoming matchups like here in dc. We're seeing great prices for one of the last Wizards home games this season and with features like zone deals and game time picks, finding amazing seats at the right price couldn't be easier. Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with GameTime. Download the GameTime app, create an account and use the code Tony for $20 off your first purchase terms. Apply again, create an account and redeem the code T n y for $20 off download game Time today. Last Minute tickets. Lowest price guaranteed. You're listening to the Tony Kornheiser Show. This is Paul D. This is a golf song called One Man Scrambled sent to us by Max Donnelly. He writes. Please find the attached original song written by my great good friend Paul Dominsky, winner of the prestigious Hopwood Award given to promising writers like Arthur Miller. That Arthur Miller whilst an undergrad at the University of Michigan many, many, many years ago, he wrote the lyrics. He leveraged AI for the music and the singing I think it captures the spirit of the sport of golf and the joy that it brings. Again, it's Paul Dominsky. It's called one man scramble. It's in honor of the Masters, obviously, and it plays in our friend Doug Ferguson. We just. My son and I just watched the ceremonial first tee shots. I. I'm going to assume you were at that. What do you think of that? It seems so charming.

[Steve Sands]

It's the best. I mean, it's just like everything else at the Masters, these little subtle touches. I mean, even yesterday. It's old news to us, Tony. We've seen it forever. But you're in a major championship, the most, you know, the most high pressure one of the year, and the day before, you're playing with a bunch of kids in a par three tournament.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah, it's just fun.

[Steve Sands]

I mean, it's a. It's a really fun way to end the practice. We get into the real stuff, and then you get, you know, Jack, Tom and Gary on the first take, they.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Do it right there. And I'm going to go all the way back to Martha Burke. You want to protest? Fine. We're going to put you out here with the Ku Klux Klan. Not gonna be great. But, hey, you don't want us to have advertising, okay, we don't need advertising. We sell a billion dollars worth of shirts. We don't need any of these things. And they're not, I will say, and I don't know the people. No one's gonna ask me to be a member there. But they. Fred Ridley, anyway, Doesn't seem lordly about it at all. He seems very open and seems happy that you're there and enjoying it. Or am I misreading this?

[Steve Sands]

No, it was interesting, you know, when he introduced himself at two press conferences this year. It's something small, but he doesn't say, I'm Fred Ridley, chairman of Augusta. He said, I'm Fred Ridley, and I'm honored to be the chairman of Augusta national and the Masters. There feels to be an appreciation, even if you're wearing a green jacket and even if you are the grand poobah of the place and all the members are like that. I've never found anyone who gives you what you want, but they're nice about saying no.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah, they know how to do it. They're schooled in how to do it. I looked at Gary Player hit it. Tom Watson is my age, so I know that he can still hit the ball. Jack Nicklaus made a little joke about whether he'd fall down Putting. Putting the ball on the tee. And, you know, people love Jack Nicklaus now. You. And I remember when people did not love Jack Nicklaus. He's gotten better at it. Yes.

[Steve Sands]

Yeah, I don't think that was a joke either. I think there was some concern he might fall down. He's holding up pretty nicely. But, yeah, I mean, Jack is. I think the connection, Jack and Tiger here are pretty interesting. It's Jack. It's Jack in 75 and 86. And even that one, that little run in 98, that made people believe when they shouldn't have. Tiger with his five green jackets. And then this week, they really entrenched their relationship with Tiger by putting a learning center in Augusta and having him design a little short course in a muni. And I think that was important to the club. It was interesting. How do you draw the line between who's more important?

[Tony Kornheiser]

I guess it sort of depends on how old you are and what your view of history is. You know, I mean, at some point, Jack Nicklaus becomes old Tom Mars. Yeah, that's Terry Varden. Yeah, that's what happens. All right. It's for real now. And I guess the first question is Rory McIlroy, his chances, your thoughts about Rory and the way he's approaching this and just his ability to win it.

[Steve Sands]

He seems to try to find the perfect recipe to get his head in the right space coming in here. And the more you try, the harder it gets. I mean, he's obviously capable of doing this thing, but, you know, this being the only course you keep coming back to in the majors and being the course that it is, there is so much scar tissue. Build up memories, you build up failures that stick with you. And it's hard to just come into this week and be relaxed and play like you don't care. He's in the best form of anybody right now. He knows what's at stake. So the two parts of history that are kind of working against him as it relates to the Masters. No one except Sergio Garcia has played more Masters before winning. It took Sergio his 19th try, and Rory's on number 17. And there's. There's probably a reason for that. You want it too bad. It's. It's really that simple as it relates to the Grand Slam. All the other guys who did it did it quickly. Once you got to third base, going home was done within. Within three years. And Rory's on number 11 right now, and that gets hard. And, you know, Mickelson dealt with the same thing with the US Open. And Smith is starting to deal with it at the pga. You got to knock that out quick, or it just. It just gets in your head.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Rory is over his last 38. He is, by any. By any measure, one of the best three golfers in the world throughout all of this. And he's over 38. But Doug, he's only 35 years old. I know he's in his prime. You know, what do you think?

[Steve Sands]

He's in his prime. But, you know, the older you get, year by year, it's not so much that you get a few gray specs in your hair, but you get a guy like Scotty Scheffler coming in behind you. And now you've got Ludwig Aubert, the Swedish guy, coming in. He hadn't done much yet. But I'm just saying, each year that goes on, there's two or three more guys in the pipeline that are younger and as good as you. And to me, that makes it harder.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Is there Sheffield this week? I know he's good.

[Steve Sands]

I know he's one of the best that we've seen in the last, you know, 15, 20 years, but he's not better than Scottish Scheffler. And he's got to hope Scotty has an off week.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah. Is there. Is there anybody else causing conversation where you say, yeah, this guy. This is the guy I think can win this thing?

[Steve Sands]

No, actually, it's Rory.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Right? It's all about Rory.

[Steve Sands]

It's Rory, and it's Rory and Scotty. It's those two, and that's it. And you could, you know, don't turn your back on someone like Jon Rahm just because he's still a good player and he's won this thing before. And you look at the ability of Colin Morikawa being there last year. Yeah. You have to start searching, though. You used to be able to come to this thing and look at five or six guys, and now it's hard to remember that there's more than two guys playing this week.

[Tony Kornheiser]

So I did. You know, we also had the TV on, and I watched Curtis Strange about 20 minutes ago, and he said. He just declaratively said, look, Scotty Scheffler is the best player in the world. Okay? I mean, it was, like, that simple. And I imagine that that's how golf people look at Scheffler.

[Steve Sands]

I think, yeah, he is. He doesn't have a. He's just. He's just so consistent. It's boring, Tony, but he's so consistently good with hitting the ball with the strike he's never had a position. He's got a great head on his shoulders. He comes to the, you know, every tournament, particularly the majors. And as long as he's put the work in and knows that he just goes in place, doesn't get too excited. You could talk about his putting and, you know, I think it's hard for us sometimes, especially of age who've lived through Tiger. And when you see comparisons of what he's done statistically and it matches up with Tiger, you're not accepting it because he's not Tiger. Right. He probably doesn't have the magic, you know, that Tiger had. But they'll also look at the putting, because if he. If he made more putts, he'd be winning by 10 just about every week. But he doesn't. And that'll be that. That'll be the whole key for the week. If he's putting decently, he's really, really hard to beat.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Are we going to missing.

[Steve Sands]

Yeah, six footers and it's been a fair game.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Are we going to listen to, like, does he have a new putter? Does he have a putting coach? Like, so I watched last night, I watched Live from the Masters, and I understand that Brando Chamblee is not a shrinking violet, and he probably believes the more opinions he has, the better he does personally. But he sat there with McGinley and I like McGinley, and they basically said just this. These people that fool around with their swings, these people that change clubs, these people that do all that, they go down the drain. It's a bad recipe. Is that your opinion as well?

[Steve Sands]

By and large, I think so. I mean, I look at Rory and Scotty right now. Scotty's had the same coach since he was six years old. Rory's had the same coach since he was 8. And, you know, there was a time 10 years ago, same. Same thing with Rory and, and Spieth and Jason Day. They've stuck with the same things. You can add a few things. You can go see, like, Scotty's gone to see a putting specialist, Phil Kenyon in England, who works with a lot of guys. Randy Smith is still his coach. He's still with the same clubs. You might throw in a new putter every there if it, if it helps you go from a blade to a mallet or something like that. That happens all the time. But when you start making wholesale changes and, you know, Morikawa was with the same guy since he was in high school, and then he decided to switch and go to someone else and he fell off the face of the earth. And you just. You just wonder what these guys. What are you thinking? Why do you keep trying to change things that aren't broken? But they do it all the time. Look at Tiger. Why did he need four swing coaches or five, whatever it was?

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah, I mean, they were very declarative. They were talking mostly about Sevy and Spieth last night, and both of them were in agreement that, you know, this is you. You. The magic leaves you when you do this, when you start fooling around with what is really good because someone tells you it's not perfect even when it's perfect for you. Right.

[Steve Sands]

Yeah. I don't understand where speed was in that equation. Well, he's gone through some. Some injuries. He has lost some of his magic. But he'll be interesting to watch this week, though, I think. Tony.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Okay.

[Steve Sands]

I don't care where Jordan is. He's at Augusta and he's. I mean, this guy could. Could have had three or four green jackets right now without. Without stretching history too much.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah, he's had the same. He's had. Well, he's won there already, so I guess once you win once, it makes it easier to win, win again. What is your sense, Doug, of the live guys coming in? Like, it almost feels to me. I don't know if I'm right about this, but it feels like they've been out of sight and out of mind. You don't see them at all. Right.

[Steve Sands]

I mentioned, you know, and I think you know relatively highly of Jon Ron's chances this week, but I haven't given him two thoughts until he showed up. Till I saw him on Tuesday, I forgot he existed. Yeah, Bryson. You know, Bryson, you get some social media stuff on all his YouTube annex and what have you, but sometimes we'll talk about, how many guys from LIV do we really miss? And you get past, you know, like, Koepka and Rahm and DeChambeau, and you're saying, gee, who else is there? You forget about Cameron Smith, who won the. You know, won the British at St. Andrews and, you know, and gave Dustin Johnson a good run here. Dustin Johnson of the story.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Right.

[Steve Sands]

He looks really happy, which is not a good thing for trying to win tournaments anymore.

[Gary Braun]

No, you're right.

[Steve Sands]

I mean, you know, I asked Rom last year. It was interesting because when we finished the British, I'm thinking, that's it for these boys. They're not going to play. Because if you're an athlete, you're a sportsman, you want to play on a Big stage, you want to perform. And these guys aren't going to see a big stage for nine months. Rom got a bonus because he went to the Olympics. But for the rest of them, they are out of sight, out of mind until we get to Augusta. And I can't imagine that's any fun for him.

[Tony Kornheiser]

That's my, that's my feeling, you know, that I know they're making a lot of money and I know it's on television now and the ratings are bad, but at least getting a little better than they were. But it doesn't seem to help them when they get to majors, though. If three of them place in the 1, 2, 3, then it'll be a different story on Monday, right?

[Steve Sands]

Yeah, it's nothing anyone I don't think is talking about today. But it'll be really interesting if we get to the weekend and you know, and you get a Rom or a Bryson or a Patrick Reed. There's another guy. I forgot about him. Yeah, he usually plays here pretty well and he's on live. You probably know that. Yeah, one of them has wins and then you get to the PGA next week and you get someone else going and all of a sudden I guess you start paying attention more. But certainly not while they're playing their 54 hole events. But think of it this way too, Tony. What if Bryson, what if he wins the Masters and then what if he wins the pga? What does that do for Liv?

[Tony Kornheiser]

I would think it helps them. Although they are a world tour, they are not, you know, their events are not on when America is up. You know, it's a different. It's one thing to play the British Open. It's another thing to play 15 weeks in places that nobody can really watch. Anyway, I don't want to keep you from your work. Thank you, Doug.

[Steve Sands]

Thanks, Tony.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Doug Ferguson of the Associated Press, boys and girls. And the Associated Press is still good with me. If it's not good with everybody else in the in the country, it's okay with me. We'll take a break. What do we got? Do we have email and jingle next? Or we have Gary. Gary Braun. Gary Braun. When we return, I'm Tony Kornheiser.

[Nigel]

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[Dan Byrne]

Go to your happy price.

[I]

Priceline.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Push it real good. At gnc, nutrition's not a department, it's a whole freaking store. Get better fuel for bigger gains. To sculpt that revenge body and have you feeling like you're ready to push it. GNC spent 90 years perfecting nutrition and protein that literally taste like cake. So you can look like cake. You got goals. We've got results. It's GNC, baby. Visit yourGNC or gnc.com youm're listening to.

[Nigel]

The Tony Kornheiser Show.

[Tony Kornheiser]

The Tony kornheiser show.

[I]

Young Mr. Flagg, you couldn't hit the shot that would have put the Duke over the top. Young Mr. Flaggy. Been with children and a wife. You'll have to hear about it the rest of your life. Hey, dad, could you help me build a fort? And why'd that final jumper come up a little short? You could win eight NBA titles with Wemby for the spurs. And all you'll hear is that you couldn't bring the trophy home to Durham. You'll close business deals amongst the shakers and the movers, but all you'll hear is, dude, why couldn't you beat the Cougars? Wilt Chamberlain had to hear about Russell every day. Pete Rose had to hear, you gonna.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Make the hall of Fame.

[I]

George Foreman had to hear about Ali and Zaire. This is the fate of Cooper Flagg. I fear he's gonna do just fine. Shed no tears for Cooper Flag. But still, for young Cooper, it's kind of a drag.

[Tony Kornheiser]

On demand. It's unbelievable. He's a genius. Yes, he's a genius. Dan Byrne is a genius. Total genius. And it's probably true, too. I mean, Chris Webber is. It's time out. Yeah. Now, he didn't win championships.

[Michael]

No, he didn't.

[Tony Kornheiser]

You know, to erase that. And Wilt Chamberlain, of course, beat Bill Russell once. Beat him at least once. So that's good. Gary Braun joins us now. This makes us very, very happy. Well, well, makes some of us very, very happy. You won the NCAA bracket. You won. You won the bigs. Is this the first time or is the second time.

[Gary Braun]

Eat it, Saliza.

[Doug Ferguson]

Yeah, well, I mean, I came in second, I'm sure.

[Gary Braun]

Yeah, that was my second tone.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah.

[Gary Braun]

Four in the roof.

[Tony Kornheiser]

That's what I was gonna say. The family is doing great as Far as this goes, did you truthfully, did you study it or did it take you less than 4 seconds to do the whole thing?

[Gary Braun]

So I think you know the answer to that. Let me say the burn thing was fantastic. And it reminds me that speaking of epic losers, Pat, 40 has lost now to me and Spike, I believe 40 was second.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah.

[Gary Braun]

So I love the first time. Spike one, I think he was 10 or 11, and that was the Duke, Wisconsin year that he beat 40. Because 40, I always think is. Is the benchmark. So, you know, if I'm close to 40, I'm doing all right. But no, I didn't say I had all four number one seeds in the final four. Who's going to do that?

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah, only a loser. But this year you won.

[Doug Ferguson]

Truly insightful.

[Gary Braun]

Right.

[Tony Kornheiser]

So do you have bragging rights with Spike? I mean, have you called him up to say, see? See?

[Gary Braun]

Well, he was happy for me. If it couldn't be him. I mean, his was terrible this year. His appearance, I mean, not his bracket. I don't know.

[Tony Kornheiser]

His appearance was wonderful.

[Michael]

So do we have to get Kim and Ike on now since you guys are too good?

[Gary Braun]

Yeah. I mean, if you can track them down.

[Tony Kornheiser]

I mean, Kim's going to pick Maryland.

[Doug Ferguson]

Was there real money, Gary, did you put real money at any point behind the same bracket? Okay, great. So you didn't benefit from financially. That's what I like to hear.

[Gary Braun]

And the bracket wasn't that good. I mean, it only, no offense, guys, it only beat you. It won the bigs bracket. It didn't. I'm sure you guys in the Littles bracket had someone legit.

[Tony Kornheiser]

I would imagine that they. Somebody in the Littles bracket by a couple hundred points. Yeah. Win by.

[Doug Ferguson]

I don't pay much attention to that.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Let's do the Masters. Let's talk about the Masters. Tell us about your experience at the Masters, how you got to go, what you did.

[Gary Braun]

Let me. Let me start by saying reports of my ascension have been greatly exaggerated. I'm not there, Michael. You'll be happening. I'm not there for the week of my birthday. I was there for all of Monday's practice round, which, as you know, is about two and a half, three hours.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Because it got rained. It got rained on.

[Steve Sands]

Right.

[Gary Braun]

So it started as a kernel in my mind knowing that I was. Monday was my 55th birthday. I'm a man.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah.

[Gary Braun]

And it was just one of those things. I'm not a bucket list keeper in the traditional sense, but it's one of those things I've always Wanted to do somewhere I've always wanted to go. And last year I decided I'd get a couple of friends together and we'd enter the lottery and we'd try to get tickets. It didn't work out, but we were able to secure. To secure tickets thanks to Stanzy, of course, the great Sansi. And, you know, it was awesome. You've. I assume you've been there. I think you've been there. I never have.

[Tony Kornheiser]

We've been there.

[Gary Braun]

And, and there are some places you go where the history is just. It's legit, palpable. I mean, West Point comes immediately to mind for me. You know, you might say Madison Square Garden or Notre Dame for football or something like that. The little house was like that for me. You know, the little house just hello, ground, hologram, special places. So it definitely had that feel for me. I mean, Sands, I think, mentioned it yesterday with you, and I couldn't agree more. And I just can't imagine any golf fan being there and not feeling that way. I mean, it's inescapable. And I should say, speaking of Sanzi, let me publicly thank him for helping acquire those badges, but also for telling me to go during a practice round, which would not have occurred to me, versus a tournament round, which sounded lame and kind of counterintuitive, as it probably does to people hearing me say it right now. But especially as a first timer, being there and having very limited time, which I didn't know was going to be the case, not having to follow tournament play, which you know, is virtually impossible from a course, just freed us up to kind of slow down and explore a little bit. I mean, I guess it sounds silly to say, and I don't. I'm not here to just bow at the altar of Augusta national, but it was just so cool just to be in these places that I'd only seen through TV over the years. Just so much history, so many memories around every green, every ferry, particularly on the back nine, where we spent most of our time. And, you know, it's weird, it's tough to put into words without selling melodramatic, but it was really almost an ethereal quality about it for me. I loved it. I loved it.

[Tony Kornheiser]

I should tell people that months back, Gary sent me a note saying he wanted to go and could I help with tickets. And I said, no, I don't really know anyone. I don't really know how to help. There was a period of time when I knew one of the assistant pros there, but he's no longer there and I had no contacts whatsoever. And now that Sands has helped you asking me, and Sands is stupid because Sands has all the connections in the world and I don't.

[Gary Braun]

Yeah, but your uncle Tony.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah, you know who I am.

[Chris]

I've only any connections with, I don't know, the network that carries the early round coverage.

[Tony Kornheiser]

No, I've got that, but I don't know that. Well, they don't carry that. They don't carry the practice day because if they did, I'd have the whole week off and I don't.

[Gary Braun]

And the practice rounds, I mean, you know, if you win the lottery and for people who might want to do such a thing, I mean, it's go.

[Chris]

To enter it every year.

[Gary Braun]

Did you say you do, Mike?

[Chris]

No, I have in the past. And I would just say everyone enter it. Just enter any day.

[Tony Kornheiser]

You have the same chance as anyone else.

[Doug Ferguson]

I mean, Gary, I'm a member and you didn't ask me.

[Gary Braun]

Oh, you remember? All right, so I think I will enter it every year. I mean, obviously they closed play like 11:30 on Monday, so we were there for just a couple and a half hours. And I should mention I went with my good friend Steve Fogel. You probably heard me mention who he owns a 43 foot RV, like a luxury motorhome. He and I drove down there, got down there Saturday, watched the final four. Sunday we golf with Steve Hunter and Brian Polian, friend of the show Brian, who joined us down there, who had also always wanted to go. And you know, I've heard through the years from the. From friends who have been. About the hills and the elevation changes and the groundskeeping and the cheap concessions. I mean, I thought I knew what to expect, but I, you know, it was still surprising, especially as a horrible golfer. I mean, I know the course is difficult, duh. But to stand on the tee box at 12 and see in person how shallow that green is or to see the approach on 15 and how unbelievably unreceptive that green appears front and back and how short and rounded fringes are all over the place. The shootout of 18T, the steepness of that walk up, which we took and you always hear about, but when you take it, you feel like you've been walking about three miles and you're about where their drives land. Every approach shot just looks so insanely intimidating to me. It just looked, I mean, this, I don't know how to say this in a less dumb sounding way. It just looked like such a hard golf course.

[Tony Kornheiser]

It is. But you Know what? It's a very hard golf course. And what I'm going to say now sounds obvious, but it's not to people. There are members there. They play when it's open. Some of them aren't very good, and they go out there and they play. I mean, we have this sense that Augusta is only open for four days a year. It's not true. You know, it's open however many months it's open, and they have play every day, and members play, and not everybody's really good. What did you buy? What did you buy while you were there?

[Gary Braun]

So this is. So the takeaway from this experience was, you know, the goal was scratch it off the bucket list. The unfortunate takeaway is I have to go back.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah.

[Gary Braun]

So I'm letting Sands know now. And one of the reasons I have to go back is because when we got on the grounds a little after 8am knowing that torrential rain, which had been coming down, by the way, for about 12 hours, they just had a gap in the. In the radar. And I guess they figured they didn't want to have to deal with the nightmare of. Of people who. Oh, this is what I was starting to mention. The tickets. You know, you win them on a lottery. Tickets. A ground ticket is 100 bucks. Two days before the tournament, they're going for 15, $1600. This is for a Monday practice round. I mean, the players aren't even all there. I mean, we did get to see Scheffler and Jason Day and Mike Weir hit some balls, but no one got on the course. So we walked in. They had a big sign that said, the wait, I think they said, was 45 minutes at the equipment store. And we were like, we only have a few hours. Like, I'm not waiting an hour to buy a hat. So the answer is, we bought nothing. I bought $1.50 egg salad sandwich.

[Tony Kornheiser]

I was gonna say, did you buy something to eat at least?

[Gary Braun]

We did.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Get a crow's nest.

[Gary Braun]

I mean, the four of us had had breakfast for $13.85. Polian bought big Spender. And then we had to hear about how he bought his food all day. But so I actually. I got nothing. I got nothing. Which was. Which was sort of my, you know, my second disappointment beyond just not being able to actually see more golf, but the. The natural beauty of that place. And I guess I should put natural in quotes because obviously it's meticulously manicured constantly. Sure, Debate natural if you wanted to be a putz, I guess, Chris. But it was so beautiful. It had been pouring, pouring rain for 12 hours before we got there. Still, you and you, you slosh through this muddy field. I mean, it's not any different than like going to the Kemper Open, you know, you're walking through this wet, muddy field to get there. And as soon as you get on the grounds, there's no dirt, there's no trampled grass, there's no mud, there's no puddles, there's no water. Like, I don't know what they did with all the water. I have no idea where it goes. They must have drains everywhere. There's not a blade of grass out of line with the others. The flower and shrubbery beds. I mean, you could eat off the pine straw on the ground there. It's so clean, so green. Everything is in bloom. They're piping in the bird sounds at full blast. It was just. It was otherworldly. I mean, I know I sound like a fanboy here, but it was just.

[Tony Kornheiser]

No, but. There's nothing wrong with that. So now we have to get you back, right?

[Gary Braun]

Yes, please. I'm giving you more notices.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Okay?

[Gary Braun]

That's calling you in June after I lose the lottery.

[Tony Kornheiser]

All right. I'm happy for you. I'm happy that you had that experience. I hope you get another one. Thank you, Gary.

[Gary Braun]

Let me share it with you.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Best, everybody. Gary Braun, boys and girls. Our dear, dear friend.

[Doug Ferguson]

Is that who sang the song?

[Tony Kornheiser]

That's him.

[Gary Braun]

Huh?

[Tony Kornheiser]

That's him.

[Doug Ferguson]

Thought I recognized his voice.

[Tony Kornheiser]

That's him. We'll take a break. When we come back, email and jingle. I'm Tony Kornheiser. This is the Tony Kornheiser Show. Tony Kornheiser show. Fanduel is giving all new customers a shot at $250 in bonus bets. Join FanDuel today. You'll get started with $250 in bonus bets if your first $5 bet wins. From three pointers to steals to assists, Fanduel has so many ways to bet your favorite player. Props. Plus, after the game tips off, you can even combine live prop bets into a same game parlay. For a chance to win big, just visit FanDuel.com TonyK to get in on all the NBA play in tournament action. That's FanDuel.com TonyK for your shot at $250 in bonus bets, must be 21.

[J]

Plus and present in Arizona, Colorado, Connecticut, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana. Permitted parishes only. Massachusetts, Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Virginia, West Virginia or Wyoming. FanDuel is offering online sports wagering in Kansas under an agreement with Kansas Star Casino LLC. First online real money wager only. $10. First deposit required. Bonus issued as non withdrawable bonus bets that seven days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See [e-mail] gambling problem call 1-800- gambler or visit fanduel.com rg in Colorado, Iowa, Michigan, New Jersey, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee and Virginia, call 1-800-Next Step or text NextStep to 53342 in Arizona, 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org chadinconnecticut 1-809with it in Indiana, 1-800-522-4700 or visit ksgamblinghelp.com in Kansas, 1-877-770 stop in Louisiana, visit 1-800gambler.net in West Virginia or call 1-800-522-47 00 in Wyoming, hope is here. Visit gamblinghelplinema.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24. 7 support in Massachusetts or call 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY in New York or visit OASAS.NY.gov gambling standard text messaging rates apply. Sports betting is void in Georgia, Hawaii, Utah and other states where prohibited.

[Tony Kornheiser]

You're listening to the Tony Kornheiser show.

[Dan Byrne]

Here comes Sony's mail back. Got your emails, faxes and your notes. Here comes Sony's mail back. Gonna be song for all of you folks.

[Tony Kornheiser]

The Cane Bay High School choir. We're deeply appreciative of that. We love that. Yes. Nigel, what about Bethesda Bagels?

[Michael]

Bethesda Bagels. We love them. You will as well. Just go to bethesdabagles.com get a bagel, too.

[Gary Braun]

Yeah.

[Doug Ferguson]

Is there a possibility of a bagel sandwich?

[Tony Kornheiser]

No, not for you.

[Michael]

Oh, talk to me after the show.

[Doug Ferguson]

No, but that's great.

[Chris]

Go online and find your local Bethesda Bagels.

[Michael]

Yeah, Bethesda Bagels.com for the location of DC area near to you. Then pop on in and you'll be thrilled.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Before we get to the mailbag, let me just say I'm going to wake you up early because I'm going to take a ride with you. We're going down to the Honda shop. I'll tell you what we're going to do. Put on a ragged sweatshirt. I'll take you anywhere you want me to. First gear, it's all right. Second gear, lean right. Third gear, hang on tight. Faster. It's all right. It's the Beach Boys Little Honda Fabulous song from Alex Lau in New York City. Don't be tricked into thinking Leon says is doing something charitable by giving out basketballs to every young public school student in the District. His only goal is to find the worst basketball players that age, sign him to a 10 day contract, put him in the starting lineup for the Wizards, and make sure he wins the Cooper Flags.

[Chris]

Unless he meant the Hammer.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Peter Peter Gwyn in Littleton, Colorado it's pretty obvious who's behind all the unexplained moving going around you, be it cars or clock hands. Ted Leoncis his plan to move the Wizards fell through, but he still got an itch to scratch, so he's going around D.C. and moving things all over the place. Don't be surprised if you wake up one morning to find the Little Houses ended up in Northern Virginia. Jamie Tulin in Albany, New York. Attached you will find two images verifying I landed at 19 on the Littles NCAA bracket pool. I know the top 12 are getting candy and toothpaste. Any chance I can get a piece of barfed up Frisbee or some signed deer poop? Maybe a Dan Burns song about an IT recruiter who got in the top 20 of a famous Bald Hofwaffs basketball pool? Can I be the official IT recruiter for the Tony Kornheiser show? It'd be nice to have some bragging rights for beating all the other upstate New York Littles. Here's how I expect you'll answer. You can have my answer now if you like. My final offer is this nothing. Not even a song by Dan Byrne, which I would appreciate you writing. Keep to yourself. Give this to Michael. It has his address. From Alex Teneo in Martinsburg, West Virginia. I finished 2,532 or as I like to say, in the top 2600. Nice of you to add after the tournament was over that you would add Symphony Chocolate to the prize pool. You flushed the mouse on that one. I would have dominated if I knew that ahead of time. From Mark Muldoon I was listening to the pod yesterday. I heard you talking about the rainy Monday practice round at the Masters. I shout out, wait, I know that practice round. I'm driving home for it right now. Maybe Met gary. I drove 7 plus hours from Kissimmee to Augusta on Sunday with tickets in hand, hoping for my first Masters experience. Because of some bad info on the Masters website, I didn't arrive at the parking lot until 9:30. I entered through the south gate. Made a few calls from the phone bank, grabbed a pimento sandwich, started my journey with Michael in my ear. I wanted to walk the back nine first. I ended up watching Matthew Pavan's approach. 13. Who is he? You say? Me too. No, I know who he is. That's how I know how to pronounce it. I then walked 14 through 18. I made it to the clubhouse just as the horn sounded and everyone's told to get out.

[Chris]

Great morning.

[Tony Kornheiser]

I'm now about as far away from my car as possible. After trudging in my car I waited a half hour, then started the 7 hour plus home tour with a stop at Buc EE's. 15 hours of driving at Fleabag Hotel off for 2 hours on the grounds. So worth it. Hope I can make it back one day was on my father's bucket list. He never made it. The same father who I shared your Washington Post articles with. That's how long you've been a part of the Muldoon family tree. Please tell Greg at Stonegate Golf Course to eat it. Pps. I didn't see Sanders for Luga. They're probably smart enough to stay away.

[Chris]

I wonder what the Bucky's order was.

[Tony Kornheiser]

From Chris Schaefer, Penn Golf Nation. Yeah, you know Chris Schaefer, of course. And Columbia. He was there before you and Columbia staff alone. He was a thing. When you mentioned playing with the great Henry Delozier on Monday's podcast, you totally buried the lead. You simply cannot reference Henry's Masters experience and not also mention what is probably the greatest one liner in the history of country clubs. Legend has it that a member of Columbia was watching a practice round at the grounds of Augusta and overheard another nearby spectator comment on the list of participants while reading the program. Huh, Will you look at that. Two amateur players from the same country club. What are the odds? Without hesitation, the Columbia member quickly interjected and quipped back, and what makes it even more remarkable. Remarkable is that neither one is the club champion. And that is true. That was Marty and Henry. What a quote. And what a thrill it must have been to be able to deliver that line. So great. A complete testament to how truly extraordinary Columbia is and has always been. Sadly, it escapes me who won the championship that year, but it was neither Marty nor Henry. Cheers. You know. And that's Dr. Thaddeus Bigger, who we did. It's on the. On the subject line.

[Doug Ferguson]

Bigger.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Yeah. I'm a relative newcomer to your podcast, but I can't get enough. So thank you all. Have to admit Although I'm a sports fan in general. Go Lions and Tigers and Wolverines. Obviously, he's from Michigan. I especially love all the golf talkers. I've recently taken it up as a hobby after a long hiatus. I stink, to be clear, but for some reason, I love it situation you seem to share. Anyway, it's obvious Michael's great golfer and you're enthusiastic like me. No, I stink. I'm lousy. It's okay, I like it. But seeing how Father Time is undefeated, no one can begrudge you taking a step back or two in your golf game. Which leads to my question, how good were you back in the day? No, I was never any good. I was never better than 16. I stink at your peak. What was your handicap? 16. Regale us with a minute or two of your old stories. I'll hang up. By the way, Craig from California, by way of Michigan, if this does get red, do me a favor. Tell my little brother Kale, the good guy from the family, to eat it. Phil, Columbia, Maryland all this recent turtle talk has our very own Joe, the diva of the terrarium, wondering if she's got what it takes to be the official turtle of the Tony kornheiser show. Joe's 12 year old Asian box turtle. Which means she'll be around long after you, me and probably Michael's kids are just nostalgic podcast memories. She was named after my son's rec baseball coach at the time. A strong team, but not as good as hiding in their shells. I've adopted. I've attached some glamour shots, including one of her watching the Terps during March tennis. She has team spirit, shelebrity looks and a resume just waiting for a prestigious title. That's wonderful. That's wonderful. John Buchanan in Annapolis, Maryland. So C stands. Steve Sands worries he'll get too into the weeds on a podcast in which he regales us with his thoughts on Maryland basketball, cheese stance and hatred of Duke. Come on, man. What are we even doing here? From Pat Kriitlow in Chippewa Falls Falls, Wisconsin. If the new game is who played at your prom, I think I got a chance of winning toothpaste or better. Florence Henderson and Tennessee Ernie Ford.

[Doug Ferguson]

What?

[Tony Kornheiser]

You read that right, Mrs. Brady. And the old pea picker was the 1982 prom from Apple Valley High School south of the Twin Cities. Okay, they weren't there just for our prom. Our prom was held in a different ballroom of the long Gone Carlton Celebrity Dinner Theater. But before the heavy metal band played down the hall, we had to go into the main dinner theater to have our meal, and there we were in our ill fitting tuxes and dresses, sitting among people old enough to have gone to the prom with Henry Ford, listening to Tennessee Ernie Ford and Florence Henderson on the main stage singing a seemingly unending string of standards. Oh, to make matters more weird, my girlfriend had broken up with me two weeks earlier, but we both decided to go since we'd already paid for the aforementioned former wear. We left early. I never saw her again, and I still can't watch reruns of the Brady Bunch without thinking of the most surreal prom opening act ever. Please tell Rush Cliff, Chris Rushman and Jeff Varante.

[Chris]

It captures high school perfectly.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Ill fitting tuxes addresses Patrick Sitter, responding to Dan Ziegler and Stevensville, Michigan. He writes, although there are a couple of road projects Underway on interest Interstates 29 and 229 in the Sioux Falls metro, I don't believe there's currently any road construction between Sioux Falls and Bursford based on limited research. Obviously, since you're not coming until May, that could change. I'll keep my eyes and ears open. I'll send in updates as warranted. I should warrant you a lot of deer in the area. If you're traveling with a dog, keep a close eye on what she's eating. That's funny. Lisa T. Scotch Plains, New Jersey at the first hint of daylight, AKA Kornheiser time, an annoying noise started at the back of the house. I opened the door and said, come on man, can't you wait till the sun's fully up? It's a sign of spring and also possibly a good spring album name for Norwegian Soft Kitten Chipmunk Mating Call. At first you think it's a bird, as it's really a round chirp. If it were more fierce, maybe a bark or much deeper, maybe a croak, my kid came downstairs and said, that's the loudest sync trip ever. Yeah, just like that. It goes on and on and on. My request got the varmint to stop for about two minutes. Then he basically gave his TK version of TK salute by showing himself on top of a log peeking out from under the tarpon. Got louder. What was my next thought? It'd actually be a better album for post sex nachos. Chipmunk Bachelor pad with a picture of the rassel there peeking out of our tarp covered wood pile. What can I say? Not everyone has DG's life. Jeff Barger Hillsboro, North Carolina you can buy a 2 pound 3 ounce Lindt chocolate bunny for the meager price of $80. This is definitely one big box of that. Please also tell Shadow that I'm teaching my students to write haikus, so any advice would be welcome. Lint Gold Bunny. That's a big rabbit from Guy I'm Clara Ekon's teacher. I wrote to you at the start of the school year. Clara and her senior classmates are preparing to take a series of tedious IB exams in May. Halfway through our review of antiquated topics like tariffs, I asked Clara, how's your car? Clara just shook her head. As a teaching moment for the class, I played the start of Friday's podcast. Clara's recollection differs slightly but materially from yours. She agrees that you were mostly useless. Shocking. But according to Clara, when your neighbor and his kids were doing the heavy lifting, she swears you consumed about 30 pints of ice cream. Not true. Unfortunately, the bell rang before I could get Clara to confess to not fully engaging the parking break. Thank you for the best econ class we've ever had. Derek from Akron. Please don't read this on the air, but if you could read it on the podcast, that would be great. If you're out on your bike tonight, everyone, as always, do wear why?

[Steve Sands]

Can I raise a practical question at this point? No, we're gonna do Stonehenge tomorrow?

[Doug Ferguson]

No, we're not gonna do Stonehenge.

[Dan Byrne]

Up to the course as the sun sink low Just me and my clubs no one else in tower number nine on the ball like my old Jersey days Chasing dreams in the soft twilight.

[Doug Ferguson]

Haze.

[Dan Byrne]

Pine trees whispered with the evening breeze Every shot felt like an easy tease One man scrambled through the hills and the groves Finding peace in the twilight lights glow Just me and the ball we dance in the twilight Swinging so smooth every shot felt right.

[Doug Ferguson]

By.

[Dan Byrne]

The ninth green B In the moon soft hue I played it so well said I need a transfusion too Fairway after fairway each stroke was a feast the chirping crickets my only sin for me at least Closing in on the green with a grin so wide Setting down my footer Let the good times ride in the cool night air Every stroke turned grey old like the football games the stories old With a breath of content I watched it all Just me the course in my numbered ball Just me and a ball of dance in the twilight Swinging so smooth every shot felt right by the N Green B In the moon soft hu Played it so well said I need a transfusion too in the cool night air every stroke Turn gold Like a football game Stories old with a breath of content I watch too it all just me, the course and my number ball Just me and the ball A dance in the twilight Swinging so smooth Every shot felt right by the n green Bathing the moon soft hue I played it so well, said I need a transfusion too I played it so well, said I need a Transfusion Too.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Young.

[I]

Mr. Flagg, you couldn't hit the shot that would have put the dookies over the top. Young Mr. Flagg, even with children and a wife, you'll have to hear about it the rest of your life. Hey, dad, could you help me build a fort? And why'd that final jumper come up a little short? You could win eight NBA titles with Wemby for the spurs. And all you'll hear is that you couldn't bring the trophy home to Durham. You'll close business deals amongst the shakers and the movers. But all you'll hear is, dude, why couldn't you beat the Cougars? Wilt Chamberlain had to hear about Russell every day. Pete Rose had to hear, you gonna.

[Tony Kornheiser]

Make the hall of Fame.

[I]

George Foreman had to hear about Ali and Zaire. This is the fate of Cooper Flag. I fear he's gonna do just fine. Shed no tears for Cooper Flagg. But still, for young Cooper, it's kind of a.