A (10:36)
Thank you, Jacob. Coming back. Attention. And breath creates movement of energy. I'm going to say that again because it seems subtle, seems simple, but where else do you have this level of control over your state of consciousness? You can think about things, you can create imagery, but this is molecular. This is the basic place. Let me see if this is my next slide. Yeah. Look at that. Bruce Lipton. Anybody know Bruce Lipton stuff? Yeah, great stuff. I saw him last week. He's incredible. Look at that. We can consciously regulate our molecular structure. Whoa. Wow. What? In other words, with your attention and breath on your sensation, you are shifting your molecular structure. Talk about. Well, I love control. Just put that in there. Having some sense of control over your actual physiological state. And here's what you get when you can shift your physiological state. You get everything. Right? Right. If I am shifting my state, I am shifting my reality. If I'm shifting my reality, I'm stepping into a whole different experience. Sensations get you there. So if we're having some sort of. One of us can go in and say, oh, I just noticed my solar plexus feels really tight. And now my jaw is tight and. Yeah. And I'm not breathing. All of which is odd to do in the middle of an argument. But notice what happens when I'M doing that, right? Your attention's going in. Lots is happening. Like you're relating to me, right? Those mirror neurons, you know about those. You're right away empathizing. We're creating connection. And then there's all kinds of great things that happen. Because if we create connection, if I can talk to you about what's happening in a way that you can hear me and you get it, what's happening in my body, my reality, and then we can do the same thing. And I can hear you and relate to you. That's what intimacy is. It's connection. That's what connection is. I get what's happening in you, you get what's happening with me. And then there's this other really amazing thing that happens. Sensations move all the time, right? There's James, right? Dark, white, sticky, and it's shifted. So from that, there's a couple of things that arise. One is I'm in aliveness, right? There's movement happening. Things are moving in here. And in about three minutes, maybe 15 seconds, maybe two seconds, whatever's going on in here has changed. It's a moving river. My inner world is a moving river. You know, you don't put your foot in the same river twice, right? Same thing with your body. And so that's what aliveness is. That's what, oh, I get to be in my body. I get to tell you what it's like to be in this moving river and you get to do the same thing. So now a really big, fascinating question to me is how can I have a self and have connection, right? To me, that's like the bottom line of relationship. I can have connection, right, by saying, sure, honey, okay, fine, yeah, whatever, right? That looks like connections, pseudo. Or I can have self by saying, yeah, give me space. I don't like relationship, or I'm going to go or see you in. I can have self, but to have self and connection. So this is a way. Because your sensations are going to be different from my sensations. Which will get us to the next piece about emotion in a moment. And then we've got this liveliness, this great feeling of connection and passion as we go through whatever's coming up in our bodies, all from sensation. So there is the S. In your books, on page 190, you'll see something that looks like this, the inner map. So I've been working on this for the last few years. Anybody hear of Power vs Force by David Hawkins? Have you read that? Great book. Changed my thinking. So my inner map is Based on his map of consciousness. His is a lot more complicated. I've narrowed it down so that I can use this because I like to know where I am. Like in the mall, right? You are here. That helps me. I want to know where I am because then I can figure out where I want to go. And for a lot of times, when I get into my reactivity, because I can be pretty reactive. I don't know any other reactive people out there we know about. Yeah, yeah, me too. So, like, when I first got out of graduate school, the one tool I knew how to use was reflective listening. Anybody ever learned that? You know, I heard you say. What I heard you say was. And I would teach that to my poor clients at the time. And I would try to do it at home. And I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it. And I kept thinking, well, if I just do it harder or longer or whatever. Well, I've never been good at it. Now and then I can break through. But I realized it's because who knows? Maybe there are people that can do that. But when I am in reactive brain, forget it. I can't. And I don't care to, because if I did, it would sound like this. Well, what I heard you say is that you think this whole relationship is shit and that you should get the hell away from me. Is that what you said? Did I get it right? So I got very interested in that. I thought, well, okay, I must not be the only one. I did grow up the fourth of four kids. So we had a lot of punching at the time. This was the 60s. That was part of what you did. And so I got really good at punching back. But that took me a while to get that. In other words, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what to do because I was threatened, I felt threatened, My survival felt threatened. So that's why I was so reactive. So if you start to look at this map, I'm going to show you a little bit around. So notice the vertical line here. So the way this works. So I'd like you to be able to use this. That's partly why you have the book. The way this works is that these are the states of consciousness that are the most dense. Okay, Death. Pretty darn dense words. There's no movement, right? Well, there's very little movement and shame. Very little movement and shame. So, in fact, why don't you try that out when you feel ashamed? Like, usually I go down and in. Will you try that out? Like, kind of what? That feels like pulling in, kind of freezing yourselves? Yeah. Very little movement there. But then if you start to come up the line, maybe you can make it all the way up to sadness. There's more happening with sadness. And continuing up, you get to anger. There's a lot more. A lot of people like to feel angry. Anybody like to feel angry? Better than fear or sadness. Yeah. But all of this stuff is below this line. Okay. It's all below the line. Then we've got above the line, look. Okay, that's better. All right. So then we've got these more expanded states. Oh, there it is. Except it's not really that way, is it? Because our bodies are more like this. Oh, there's death, shame. Okay. So I don't know. Just get through this here. So it's going out more this direction. So this is about how we go. This is us. This is a human right here. All right. It's actually a mammal. In other words, our states are very expanded sometimes. Right. Okay. This was a favorite toy in the back. I just want to give the secret here. Or very contracted. Very contracted. So if you start to imagine this is a contracted state and you start coming out more and more and you're more expanded. Okay, does that. So you can start to see that. But here's something that's interesting. As much as we might like to feel really good, it's hard to just stay out there, right? It's hard. And plus, I would say it's not actually how our bodies work, because our bodies, I mean, think about lungs, right? So starting to imagine that this isn't bad. It's not bad to be in reactive brain. It's just different from being in creative brain. And I would say we'll talk to you more about this in just a moment about what reactive brain really is about and what creative brain really is about. But I do want to just give you a little forewarning. You might have noticed this. And especially here, feeling so good. Anybody feel so good that then you do something to interrupt feeling that good. Maybe a little fight along the path or at the beach. Or maybe you just didn't feel like you feel kind of sick or you got a headache or maybe you ate a little too much last night. So gay and Katie Hendrix called that the upper limits problem. And in fact, the Hendrix say that's the only real problem there is, is feeling too good, that all the rest is all made up. And I would say it's made up because we go into these other states that when we come Back here. Like a big Chutes and Ladders game. Anybody ever play that game? I hate that game. You go up, you go up the ladders, you go up the ladders, you go up the ladders and then you go down the chute. But to not see that as a failure as much as how your body works, it needs to rest, right? And then it can come back out and then to rest. So people make up laws. I decided to make one up and here's my law. Anybody gets to feel anything anytime, for any reason. Now that sounds very logical. Like, of course anybody gets to feel anything anytime for any reason. Yeah. Okay. Until. Right. Well, I shouldn't be this tired. I shouldn't be hungry yet. I just ate. I really shouldn't be angry. And for sure I shouldn't feel sexual right now. I should feel sexual there. I shouldn't feel it here. So we have our rules about what we're supposed to feel when. And imagine this. Imagine you get to feel whatever the hell you're feeling, like, free at last. Free at last. So to take that on, like right now, whatever your sensation is, is what your sensation is. People get very confused because we do a lot of things. We do a lot of things to interrupt the sensations that we're having. Somehow we're suspicious of the sensations we're having. We think we should be experiencing something else versus having that moment of interfacing with the sensations and letting them be the truth. And that's where we're leading here is what is the truth? What is the truth? And here's how we can get to the truth, because you get to feel what you're feeling. Okay, look, we got the five primary emotions. I'm so happy to see that over there. Let's keep it simple. I did watch Tony's TED Talk on the way here and he said, yeah, there's something like 6,000 emotions. I had no idea. I used to say 300. So I have to expand. But what if you only had to deal with 5? Because again, if you're in reactivity, you're not going to remember. Now, your mind might want to say things like your mind would say, well, I'm slightly annoyed and a little bit perturbed that you were so insensitive about this, but it's just how I feel. That's just my feeling. Well, no, none of that is a feeling. I don't really know what you feel. Out of all of that, if you go back to, oh, I noticed my stomach's in a knot. Now we're Getting somewhere. So mad, sad, glad, scared, sexual. That's the list. 5 if we went back to the map. Well, there's a lot more over there, right? Anger, sadness. We've got fear. Oh, despair, guilt, shame. Oh, but look, they're just combinations. They're just combo platters. Okay, so we've got. There's mobilization up here. And then it starts to get. Okay, you can run, fight or flight. Run away. Run away. Ah, mad. And then as you go down here, it's immobilized. Right? So it's basically the same thing, Right? So they're all just combos. Think. What are the primary colors? Blue, red, yellow. Okay, same idea. Okay. Mad, sad, glad, scared, sexual. So now let's check them out a little bit. Oh, but first I want to tell you more about reactive brain. Because there's some really cool things about reactive brain. First, we all have one. It's what we share with mammals, right? So reactive brain is we are perceiving threat. That's what's happening Now. That doesn't mean there is a threat, which is really hard thing in a couple. And you're trying to discuss whether or not something is legitimate. Do you really get to feel afraid? Well, I don't know. There's not really anything to feel afraid about. Right. Except for the law says you get to feel it. That helps. So reactive brain is our perception of threat. Now, something that I think is. I just want to bring your attention to this because it solves a mystery of the universe for me. So this is straight from David Hawkins. He talks about force is reactive brain. He uses different terms. But look, that's what the ego is. Has anybody ever wondered what the ego is? We all know we're not supposed to have one, right? We're supposed to get rid of it over time. We're supposed to do something so we can become enlightened. Well, I didn't really ever know what that was. Well, this is what it is. So it's basically being able to move yourself out of reactive brain at any given time instead of getting so entrenched in it and so much believing yourself because you're reacting and so should everybody else. So right now, in our culture, I think we're kind of collectively stuck because don't we know things are terrible and oh my God, what are we going to do? And it's awful, and who's going to do something about it? So we're collectively stuck in reactive brain. That's of course an overstatement. But what you can do is what start to breathe and notice sensations, which is a really good idea to do that right now. Breathing and noticing sensations. Because what you're doing right here, feeling your feeling, which is starting to change your molecules. Bravo to you and moving it through. Because that's really all that needs to happen. Earlier when we watching and experiencing Tony's intervention, I can't remember exactly what the words were from one of the participants. Sorry, I couldn't see your name. But it was something like, I can't let go of the anger. I can't let go of my anger. Right. I can't let go of my resentments. I'm still angry at my parents. You know, 35 or 50 or 70. I'm still angry with my parents. I can't let go with that. Or I'm still so traumatized. I'm so afraid. Well, okay, so here's the thing, y'. All. So your emotions are as meaningful as indigestion. I really think that all it is is density that's accumulated in your body. So if we need to sit down and have me, you know, I'm going to tell you all about the things that I have not digested, and that's going to be our conversation. I mean, you might really not enjoy that conversation with me, but that's pretty much what we're doing when we are talking about. But I have these feelings. I can't let them move through. Well, why not? Like, hopefully dinner will move through. Right. So then it comes down to Tony was saying concrete stuff. Yeah, this is concrete. Because if I don't move that density through, what will happen is I will let myself get triggered. Right. What's getting triggered? It's that stuff sitting there that I never digested. So I'm walking along a trigger waiting to happen. Right. And then you're going to come through my life and you're going to bless me by triggering me. I forgot to say that in my appreciations. All the people that have triggered me. Thank you. It's been 60 years. That's a lot of triggering. Because what they did for me is allow me to feel the emotion that was just sitting there under the surface. If I could feel it, I can digest it. It can move through A, B, C. Okay. Like, it's not that complicated. Maybe not so easy, but not that complicated. So I don't have to drag all this stuff along with me and create story after story from it and create projection after projection with people around me. Because I'll tell you, if it's sitting in my body and you Trigger me. I will blame you, right, for triggering me. Stop using that tone. You're not supposed to. You sound like my father. And you know, every time I walk in the room and you look at me that way. Yeah. It triggers me. So don't do that. You know, often I think in relationships people are making lists. Here's the list. Anybody ever do this? Okay, here's my list of what you're not supposed to do. Is it. Yeah, yeah. And if you, you know, be sure you don't do those things. Oh, but do these things, right? Okay, now we'll trade lists. So I won't do those things and I'll try to do these things. And then. Now that's our relationship. Is everybody trying to manage the lists? The thing is, if I'm in reactive brain, forget the fricking list. I don't know. I can't remember. I can't even remember my own list, let alone your list. And then what do we do? Oh, see, I can't trust you because you said you would never sound like my father. Right. So this says no lists. Right? Forget the lists. So this could open up some space for you all. Forget the list. Because who can remember the list? I sure can't in reactive brain. Reactive brain is dumb brain. Okay. Things happen fast. Physiologically, I'm ready. We're going. Let's go. But in terms of my brain functioning way down, cognitively, not a good time. Of course, that's when people decide we need to solve this problem. And whoever decided we shouldn't go to bed mad, who was that person? I don't know. Some sadist along the way. Because in fact, what we need to do is let our physiology shift. We need to let that adrenaline get metabolized. It takes 15 to 30 minutes to metabolize adrenaline. There's a good little factoid if you're in a full blown. If you just have a little bump, that's a little faster. In other words, give yourself time to move through, to digest this stuff so that you can get to the other side of it. All right, let's do a little anatomy. It's late. You don't mind, do you? Okay. This is a cool thing about the body. It'll tell you what you're feeling. Very handy. What are you feeling, honey? Oh, no, really, what are you feeling? Well, I guess I'm mad. I'm getting mad. That whole what are you feeling? Thing. Now I think that I don't know if this is true. Let's do a quick poll. So men do you think that women know more about emotions? Yes. Okay, how about women? Do you think you know more than men about emotions? No. Okay, good. Because what I notice is that it seems like there's this mystique that somehow women are the emotional ones. Right. So we're supposed to be better at them, but then listen to our language. This is what happens. I feel like you just don't understand me, but it's how I feel. So you don't get to argue with how I feel. So I feel like or I feel. That equals what? Not a feeling, it's a thought. All right, I'm going to do that again. I feel like is a thought. I feel that is just a thought. So let's just change that. All right, Translate now. Just make that. I think it's easier. It's clear, it's the truth. Because I feel would be followed by mad, sad, glad, scared, or sexual. Right? That would be a feeling. Okay, now we're going. Now we're in a direction. So dropping out the I feel that everybody. So then going back to sensations will lead to telling you what your emotion is. All right, so like, for example, what does that seem like that might be? So anger tends to be up here. It's mammalian. It's like it's this upwelling of energy trying to do some stuff. And we'll get to it in just a second. Actually, I'll just go right there. Now anger looks like that actually turn to somebody next to you and put your hand. Just put your hand up like that and push. Hands. Yeah, there we go. Yeah. Like, decide who's A and who's B. Okay, A, just push. Now. Did any B's just give in? Okay, we have a few bees that gave in, but mostly people don't they push back? Lot of pushing back. Yeah. All right, so good. Now this is. I want to say this cool thing, but it's a side note. Anger and sadness and fear, anything in reactive brain is resisting reality. Anytime you get angry or you get sad or you get afraid, you are resisting what is. That doesn't mean it's a bad thing to be mad or sad or scared. It just is a signal to you, like, oh, I am not actually in alignment with what is. Yes, they died. Yes, that is a scary, threatening thing coming at me. But what am I going to do? I'll just be scared. Yes. I don't like that, but I'm resisting what is. Well, that'll push us along to actually try to get more and more in alignment with what is so going back to reactive brain and pushing and pushing back, we call it negative emotions. Why? Like why are they bad? No, they're not bad, but they do use up energy. Reactive brain. Emotions use up energy. Sadness, fear, anger, all require energy expenditure. You get up to a creative brain, you are generating energy. Reactive brain, you are in stress brain, you're generating stress chemicals. You created a whole stress soup for yourself to just sit in. Isn't that sad? Yeah. But creative brain, that's the health rebuilding response. And you can only have one or the other. So those of you that really like that feeling of where's Scott? We had breakfast the other day. But I like it. I feel charged. Charged up. Yeah. It is feeling kind of alive, right? But we get confused with adrenaline aliveness because that's adrenaline that's actually not so great for you. So anger. So ever try that? Okay. Like anger. That's right. And anger is built in. See the emotions, they all have functions. They have a reason. And this one is to stop things. Okay, Say no, I don't like that. No, no, try that. No, I don't like it. No, no, I do not like that. Yeah, that's right. That's what it's for. It's pushing. You know, if you want to. People do a lot of things, you know, beat on bags and kick things and stuff. Pushing is a really great thing. Can I push this? No, it'll push away. Pushing, let your body have that, some expression. The other thing anger does, pushes through obstacles. In other words, if I'm angry, and the way I know is because there's all this energy up here, this is cool. I'm either getting something I don't want. No, no. Or I'm not getting something that I want. So note that because some of you, we'll get to sadness and fear. Some of you think that you're afraid and really you're angry. Now remember, anybody gets to feel anything anytime, for any reason. So you can feel what you're feeling. And there is a good reason. Because you perceive there's an obstacle or an intrusion, doesn't mean there is one. But your body's telling you. Yep, it's lighting up. You think there is one Sadness. There's a reason we feel sad. These have functions. Our bodies are trying to talk to us. I feel sad because I perceive there to be a loss. Was there a loss for somebody else? I was thinking about this earlier and I thought, what's an example of this? If I had a really good chocolate chip cookie and I dropped it, I Would feel sad. You might not feel sad. You might think that was really ridiculous, but I would feel sad. But then of course, there's all the other losses. Now with anger, there's growling. Okay, let's try growling again. Oh, I forgot this part. We need to have a good tantrum. We're going to go back to anger for a second. So will you stand up? Yeah. Okay. So I think a problem for adults is that we don't get to have tantrums. I mean, we do have tantrums. Right, but we don't get to have tantrums. So for the next few seconds, I invite you to have as big a tantrum as you want. That probably requires, you know, going your fingers on the. Let's have a tantrum. Come on. Okay. Thank you. Phew. That feel good. Yeah. So you can sit down. Yeah. So often our tantrums sound like this. Well, I'm thinking of when I came here the other day. It was just. Yes. No, the day before. I don't know how long ago. Anyway, a woman was in the adjoining room. Oh, man. She was going on, I bet, for 25 minutes. I don't know who was in the room with her. Turned up the tv, but it sounded so she was having a tantrum. But it sounded like this. I can't believe you're stupid. So she was hanging like a tantrum. But it was all blaming, right? This is a non blaming language. So instead of. I almost. I really was tempted get my card under her door. But they all would have been happier, I think, because she could have just had a big tantrum or she could have gone underneath to find out what was really going on. Because what she was doing was just keeping it going. She wasn't actually letting herself feel what she was feeling. I think that's what I made up. So. Right, exactly. Was I feeling what I felt? I felt scared. I was tense. Where am I? So anger stops intrusion. It wants to tantrum. It pushes through obstacles. It wants to push, starts feeling frustrated. Sadness. Sadness with loss. All right, I'm going to do a little experience here of letting yourself feel sadness. Okay. So we're designed for this. Our bodies are designed for this. So imagine you feel sad. Maybe some of you do. Right now I think of this as long yoga because what we're trying to do is go right? Yeah. So let yourself do that little sobbing. You're not sobbing. It's good for you. It's good for you. It's getting things moving. Right. People get congestion in their lungs. When was the Last time you had a really good sob. Anybody have a good SOB recently? Okay, right on, right on. So letting your lungs have a break because you're supporting that. Now when people cry. Just listen to this. We're trying to get a response. This is another cool little thing, mammals. When we're sad and scared, we want comfort. When we're angry, we want space. So if I'm crying, I'm pulling for you to come and comfort me. Now, it gets confusing sometimes because people do that, right? This is so sad, you. And they're actually feeling something else entirely. That's a different twist on this, but just basic sadness. As long as I'm crying, I haven't given up. Because despair is an actual physiological event of giving up, thinking that anybody is ever coming. So keep crying. Keep yourself crying. Keeps the hope going. There's a bumper sticker. Ah. What is fear for? Well, that. Yeah, we perceive a threat. Fight flight. Right? Fight flight. We're trying to get away. Freeze. This is all built into our bodies. So because of that, we'll do one more expression here. One of my favorite all times. So stand up. Yes. You're going to really like this. Okay, so now this is in light of something that you're very scared about. Oh, this is perfect timing with Halloween coming up. Okay, what this requires is for you to stick your hands up. Okay. And we're going to freak out. So when I get started, you just go with me and it goes like this. Freak out. Good job. Freak out. Freaker outers. So you can sit down. I highly recommend regular freakouts, regular tantrums and regular sob fests. It's good for your body, help support your health. Move that shit through, right? Keep it moving. So what are we coming to? Well, this. When you're in reactive brain, emotions. Don't talk. Okay? Don't talk. This is not the time to process. I saw a couple once. This could be the record. Let's see if anybody can beat it. They talk for 10 hours. Anybody beat that one? Oh, my God. Like, what do you do? Do you pee? And then you keep talking? I don't know. So talking when you're in reactive brain, forget it. It is not worth it. It's not going to help, I promise. Anybody dispute that? Yeah, well, I've tried many times. Okay, maybe if I try this way. Maybe if I make that point, that's really going to score, right? Ooh. Yeah. I've learned along the way when I get into the debate, right, we're back into the arguable land. Win Lose, it creates disconnection, does not create connection. But who cares? Because I'm going to be right. Yeah. I'm going to score those points. We drove across Nebraska one time scoring points back and forth, back and forth. Yeah. I don't know who won. It might have been me, maybe not. But even if I win, anybody realize this? If you win now, your partner has lost. Right now you're with a loser. Did you figure that out? It's a problem. Don't talk. You don't need to process it really and for sure don't try to solve it. You can't. Because when you're in reactive brain, your thinking is concrete. It is not coming up with a new thing. It'll be the same old damn thing. We need a budget. That's the one, right? Instead, what you can do is everything else. So let's generate some things. Here's some of my favorites. Squirt gun fight. Running around the block. Standing on our head. Okay, I never did that. Dancing, dancing. Could we have a little dancing? Here's a shift move right here. We can just all shift by dancing and not by talking. So what else could we do? What have you done that's really worked for you? That wasn't talking. What? Gastric meditation, sex, Swim in the ocean, pole dancing. Right. There's all these other creative things, like an infinite amount instead of talking. Because the only thing to do if you're in reactive brain, the only thing to do if you're in reactive brain is get to creative brain. That's the only thing to do. So I'm from Boulder, Colorado, and I have a friend, A couple years ago, she was hiking next to the Poudre river, which is up in Fort Collins. And this was a big fast river. It was the April runoff and she was hiking along and she was hiking with her dog, but the dog was okay, just so you know, that's for Gwen, but she slipped into the river. Now, you do not want to be in a river in April in Colorado, right? It's very quick to hyperthermia and death. So she's in the river, but she gets out and she says later, well, this is what I was thinking when I was in the river. Get to the shore. Get to the shore. Right? That's what she was thinking. Get to the shore. This is not what she was thinking. Who the hell put that trail right next to the river? That's not what she was thinking. She wasn't thinking, oh, my God, I can't believe how stupid I was that I fell in she was saying get to the shore. So that's what I'm saying to you, get to the frickin shore. Get to the out of reactive brain into creative brain. Because if you are in creative brain, you can solve any problem. There is no problem. It's suddenly full of possibilities. So get to the shore. Don't talk. We did that. Notice your sensations, feel them, actually feel the sensation. And then express them now. Because if you do all that, what's going to happen is you're going to be in this magical new land of creative brain, right? The one that you're in most of the time. Hawkins thinks that 75% of humans stay in reactive brain all the time. That's intense, isn't it? A lot of that is because it's about survival and there are threats for a large portion of our planet. People are still dealing with how am I going to get through the day? Some of this is simply about privilege, the privilege of safety. But still understand what that means. 75%. So that's what we're dealing with. Folks that can't think clearly, can't think about possibilities are in dumb brain. Can't move out into something that feels about creativity and expansiveness. But look, isn't that great? All of these other states more and more expanded as you move out of reactive brain. This is where you can get to the new possibilities. And look, here's how you get from reactive brain, which you cannot see here at the moment, to creative brain is willingness. Willingness to see yourself as the creator. And that's the message of this whole thing, right? What you're doing here, I think this week is to understand you're the source, you are the creator. That as you notice your sensations, that's the only thing that's really happening. There's nothing else out there that's really happening. What's going on is from the inside. And if you can interface with that reality, if you can come in here, you're at the place, you're finding your power. Your power to understand. Oh, this is that sensation that's right here and right there in the constriction of my throat. And then the power to shift it. Because at the molecular level, with your awareness and your attention, it's going to shift. Whoa, that is total magic, I think. Because look, look what's up there. We did manta glad scared sexual. We got glad sexual coming. Finally. There it is, right? Aliveness is up in creative brain. Now some people think aliveness is in reactive brain. Well again, I think that's More adrenaline. But. Okay, whatever, but. And of course, sexual can happen anywhere through the whole map because that's life energy. That's just that buzz of energy and aliveness. But that's what's up in creative brain. So when you're in creative brain, that's when we can do all kinds of things, including get to finally. Oh yeah, there she is. We never got to the W. Sensations, emotions. Well, what's the W? Oh, it's the want. We get to want what we want. Why can we want? Because we want it. Because we want it. You don't have to justify or defend what you want. Hmm. That takes a lot of conversation out. You just get to want it because you want it. Because then finally we've got two people who have moved out of reactive brain. The clouds have cleared, you're back to blue sky, and you can start to wonder about this question. Now, when I pose this to couples, they really are kind of flummoxed. I mean, it seems impossible, right? We have to compromise. We can't both get everything that we want. Reactive brain is competitive. It's one or the other. There's not enough to go around. We can't. It's all contracted. But creative brain is open and expanded and the possibilities are infinite. That's where we can create all kinds of great stuff. And it's co creative. It's about meeting and being met. So Antoni asked me to add one more thing, which I'm going to do right now. He said. Well, actually he didn't say it to me. I heard a rumor that he really wants you to know something about the drama triangle. Has anybody ever heard of the drama triangle? It's gotten out. So the Cartman drama triangle. Okay. Not very many. Stephen Cartman came up with this in 1968. I use this literally every day in my practice as a psychologist. All right, so get ready for this one. This is. I love this stuff. Okay, so. Oh, it's a triangle. And there are three points in the triangle. Now, he uses different words, but I'm going to use these words because this is what I use these days. Villain and hero. I've heard some people talk about taking care of and putting themselves out for other people and getting stuck in some relationship dynamics. Well, if you look at this. So these three points in the triangle, you could come in at any point. You can come in because you're the hero. You're taking care of somebody. But look what a hero needs. Hmm? Oh, and you know what else a hero needs, right? Because how Can a hero take care of a victim if there's nothing to take care of them from, to protect them from? Start to get this. Now, once you get into this triangle and this is reactive brain, it's really hard to get out. Really hard. So beware. Now we go in and out of it day by day. Like maybe hour by hour. Like whose fault is it? Right. We have to figure out who's to blame. That's a big question in the media. Who's to blame for this? Because it creates drama if there's someone to blame. Right. We know what we have to do to take care of it against those poor people. But the problem is that this is a distortion of responsibility because the hero is taking more than their hundred percent and the victim is taking less than their hundred percent. Got it? So then you get stuck in this where I'm going to take care of you. No, really, I am. Okay, good. Because I need you. I need you. That's right. From those terrible people out there. So I'll make sure everything's better. The problem is that this is unsustainable because yes, he is heavy. Even though he's my brother, he gets heavy. You know, how long can you keep carrying the brother where you're just like, get down and get you on your own damn feet. Right. So this once we're in it, it's really hard to get out of it. Accept that you can. And I wonder, how are we doing? Is that true? 25 minutes. Great. Because I can demonstrate with somebody about getting out of this. So let's do that. Is there a couple? Or it could just be one person. We can start with one who might be stuck in a triangle. Yes. Okay, we gotta. So you wanna. Why don't you come on up here? How do you say your name? Saki.
