The Tony Robbins Podcast
Episode: How To Forgive & Let Go of Your Past with Sage Robbins & Mary B
Date: September 9, 2024
Host: Mary B
Guest: Sage Robbins
Absent: Tony Robbins
Episode Overview
In this heart-centered conversation, Sage Robbins and Mary B explore the transformative power of forgiveness and letting go of the past. With Tony Robbins away as a guest on other podcasts, Sage and Mary open up about the human dimensions of atonement, apology, shame, and the often-overlooked everyday opportunities to exercise forgiveness within ourselves and others. Woven through the discussion is the impact of modern phenomena like cancel culture, and a thought-provoking analysis of the Netflix series Baby Reindeer as a metaphor for humanity’s messy beauty and capacity for healing.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Defining Forgiveness and Letting Go
- Inner Freedom and Coming Home:
- Sage sees forgiveness as “a path to coming home” and “one of the pathways from bound to unbound within.”
- She emphasizes that forgiveness is an act aligned with our true nature, which is love.
- Quote:
"Through forgiveness is a path to coming home... you can look at forgiveness... as one of the pathways from bound to unbound within. And that from that place, life is all possible because we're in alignment with our true nature, with love."
— Sage Robbins [02:06]
- Day-to-Day Forgiveness:
- Mary highlights forgiving not only significant life events but also daily frustrations and regrets, as a way to “just letting go” of what doesn't serve.
- Letting Go = Forgiveness: Sage and Mary discuss surrendering repetitive stories or narratives that keep us trapped in resentment or pain.
2. Universality of Hurt and Humanness
- Both speakers underscore that everyone has hurt and been hurt, and that pain, loss, and grief are universal.
- Compassion Through Context:
- Sage reflects on how understanding another’s context or life history can invoke compassion, cautioning against fixating on villain/victim narratives.
- Quote:
"If you were to put my life story, your life story, your life story on the table, we probably wouldn't trade. And pain is pain, loss is loss, grief is grief, sadness is sadness."
— Sage Robbins [06:30]
- Identity vs. Behavior:
- Mary explores the importance of separating someone’s identity from their actions, making forgiveness more accessible.
- Quote:
"It's like making it someone's identity and separating behavior and someone's actions from that's who they are."
— Mary B [11:07]
3. Cancel Culture and Modern Dynamics of Forgiveness
- Discussion of how social media creates environments where cruelty or public shaming is normalized, contrasting with the childhood teaching of “don’t bully.”
- Hurt People Hurt People:
- Both agree that everyone has acted out of hurt and everyone needs grace; awareness of this can dissolve rigid judgments.
- Quote:
"We've all been hurt. We've all hurt. We've all been conscious, we've been unconscious. We've all been kind and cruel in a moment, not even meaning to be. But when we're in survival mind, or we're angry or we're disconnected from our nature, we can all do lousy things as human beings."
— Sage Robbins [08:41]
4. Gender, Vulnerability, and Apology: The Tony Robbins Example
- Tony’s Approach to Forgiveness:
- Sage shares personal stories of Tony’s willingness to be humble, apologize, and model vulnerability, challenging outdated ideas of masculinity.
- Quote:
"...those moments are possible because he continues to do his inner work. He continues to... apologize or to open his heart and be like, 'Frick, honey, I'm so sorry. I so missed here in this moment.' The generosity of that state... the generation before, a lot of times, they weren't shown how."
— Sage Robbins [15:25]
- Grace as a Gift:
- Mary reiterates Tony’s adage: forgiveness is “pro-giving” — giving someone grace in their human moments.
- Quote:
"Are you forgiving? Are you pro-giving? That's what it is. You're giving someone grace. You're giving someone the benefit of the doubt..."
— Mary B [17:11]
5. The Ongoing Practice & Nuance of Forgiveness
- Both speakers return to the idea that forgiveness is nuanced — more than a black-and-white apology or punishment, but about openness versus resistance.
- Quote:
"As soon as I feel myself closing or resisting someone, something, a past event, then I realize I'm out of forgiveness."
— Mary B [14:42] - Accepting the Messy Whole of Ourselves and Others:
- Sage stresses the desirability of being accepted “for all of the totality of who we are, the goodness, the love, the mess of it, the unkind parts as much as the kind…”
6. Case Study: "Baby Reindeer" and The Human Experience
- Synopsis & Relevance:
- Mary introduces the popular Netflix series Baby Reindeer as a “pop culture phenomenon” and as a microcosm of forgiveness, obsession, and the gray areas of human motivation.
- Stripping Away Labels:
- Sage and Mary praise the show’s capacity to make viewers see both “the innocence of all characters” and the underlying pain driving their actions.
- Quote:
"We look at these circumstances as 'this thing happened to me.' And what I recognized... was, yes, this happened to me, and it happened for me because it evolved me."
— Sage Robbins [23:26]
- Radical Self-Honesty as the First Step:
- Mary references a pivotal scene where the main character’s confessional monologue serves as a model for the honest self-inquiry required before sincere apologies or atonement.
- Quote:
"Stage one of how to say you're sorry is first getting brutally honest with yourself... owning your actions. And he just gets honest about not only his actions, but his motives. Often from ego."
— Mary B [24:20]
- Humanizing All Sides:
- Both emphasize that the show (and thus life) is not about dividing people into “villains” and “victims,” but about universal fallibility and mutual need for grace and understanding.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
Sage Robbins on Forgiveness & Inner Freedom:
"You can look at forgiveness... as one of the pathways from bound to unbound within. And that from that place, life is all possible because we're in alignment with our true nature, with love."
[02:06] -
Mary B on Universal Human Hurt:
"Everyone is human. Everyone's going to mess up... So to me, it's like humanness."
[10:23] -
Sage Robbins on Context Invoking Compassion:
"Context invokes compassion."
[11:29] -
Mary B, on Starting from Self-Honesty:
"Stage one of how to say you're sorry is first getting brutally honest with yourself..."
[24:20] -
On “Baby Reindeer” and Seeing Ourselves in All Characters:
“You just saw the innocent. You saw the innocence of all characters... Your heart's just so wide open in love with all these beautiful humans because they're portraying our experience.”
— Sage Robbins [27:33]
Important Segment Timestamps
- [02:06] — Sage explains forgiveness as inner alignment and love
- [06:30] — The universality of pain, grief, and trauma
- [11:29] — Distinguishing identity from behavior: the root of compassion
- [15:25] — Sage on Tony’s humility and forgiveness
- [17:11] — Mary explains Tony’s concept of “pro-giving”
- [23:26] — Sage on how pain evolves us (“Baby Reindeer” discussion)
- [24:20] — Mary on radical honesty as the foundation for apology
- [27:33] — Humanizing everyone in the story; “no villains or victims, only humans”
Summary & Takeaways
- Forgiveness is fundamentally an act of love and an avenue to inner freedom.
- Everyone shares the universal experience of pain, making compassion and context vital for true forgiveness.
- Modern dynamics like cancel culture challenge ancient virtues of mercy, but remembering our own fallibility can keep us open and humble.
- True apology and atonement begin with radical honesty with oneself.
- Humanity’s messy, nuanced, and interconnected nature is most beautifully depicted not only in real life but also in honest storytelling, as in Netflix’s “Baby Reindeer.”
- Forgiveness is not a one-time act but an ongoing practice of acceptance, grace, and letting go — toward others and ourselves.
This episode provides practical wisdom and a compassionate lens for anyone seeking to heal, let go, or find new understanding after hurt. Whether through pop culture or personal anecdotes, Sage Robbins and Mary B invite listeners into the ongoing journey of forgiving, being forgiven, and transforming ordinary pain into extraordinary growth.