Part 2: How To Forgive & Let Go of Your Past with Sage Robbins & Mary B

Summary

The Tony Robbins Podcast
Episode: Part 2: How To Forgive & Let Go of Your Past with Sage Robbins & Mary B
Date: September 12, 2024
Host: Tony Robbins
Guests: Sage Robbins (& references to Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len and others)

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Overview

In this episode, Tony Robbins and his wife Sage Robbins explore the transformative topic of forgiveness, focusing on the ancient Hawaiian practice of Ho'oponopono. The dialogue centers on how this deceptively simple ritual can shift one's inner state, foster healing, and serve as a practical tool for letting go of past hurts, guilt, and shame. Through personal anecdotes, reflections, and a heartfelt musical example, Tony and Sage demystify forgiveness and invite listeners to experiment with these principles in daily life, for oneself and for others.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Introduction and Context: The Power of Ho'oponopono

[00:34-02:32]

• Tony introduces Ho'oponopono as the most transformational practice he's encountered.
• Basic explanation: Ho'oponopono—a Hawaiian ritual meaning "to make right"—relies on four phrases: I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.
• This practice, Tony notes, is universally relevant: "It proceeds from an understanding of the unity of everything in the world... nothing can happen in our world without creating a resonance in the observer." (Tony Robbins, 01:18)

The Practice in Everyday Life

[02:34-05:00]

• Sage explains the tool's versatility:

  • Used personally and within the family, including as a bedtime song for their child.
  • Not always tied to a specific incident; rather, it's about clearing energy and bound emotions.
  • Can be directed toward individuals, groups, countries, or even oneself.

  “The statements aren’t personal. It’s a clearing of space. ... You can say it for a country, you can say it for your child.”
  (Sage Robbins, 02:52)

• Dr. Hew Len’s miraculous results: Sage recounts the now-famous story of Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, who used Ho'oponopono to heal inmates in a Hawaiian institution by working only with their files, not direct interaction.

Clearing Energy and Resonance

[05:00-08:04]

• Tony notes the broader impact:

  • The power of offering the four phrases, even in situations of global suffering seen on the news.
  • The resonance shifts more than just interpersonal relationships; it affects the energetic field of larger communities.

  “If I don’t do anything, what does that say about me? It’s like, this is something that actually you can do.”
  (Tony Robbins, 07:09)

Daily Family Practice & Song

[08:04-08:53]

• Sage and Tony sing their bedtime version of Ho’oponopono:

  “I’m so sorry, I love you. Please forgive me and thank you.”
  (Tony & Sage Robbins, 08:31)

• Their daughter sings it herself, showing its accessibility for even young children.

Forgiveness as a Mental Health Tool

[09:06-10:01]

• Sage emphasizes: This is a practical, accessible mental health tool—a way of gently returning to center, neutralizing confusion or emotional pain, and creating possibilities for realignment.

  “These are ways of neutralizing some of the confusion. Or you could look at it as a way of coming back into alignment, a way of coming home.” (Sage Robbins, 09:10)

Dealing With Guilt, Shame, and “Human Darkness”

[10:01-12:36]

• Tony candidly shares his own experience with guilt, shame, anxiety, and depression, underscoring how the four phrases provide relief even when the person hurt is no longer in your life.

  "If I can’t reach this person right now, I can sit here and get present, offer: like, I'm so, so—I see what I just did there. I really never want to do that again. And please forgive me and know that I love you so much...”
  (Tony Robbins, 11:22)

• *Sage calls this a “journey home”—back to heart and love, which have "vaster intelligence than intellect alone.”

Six Steps to Ho’oponopono

[13:06-14:05]

• Tony shares six less-known steps from a book on Ho’oponopono:

  1. Join with the original source (Akua/Spirit/God/Universe)
  2. Contemplate and accept the problem
  3. Take 100% responsibility for the challenge
  4. Be ready, after forgiveness, to change your approach
  5. Mutually pardon and forgive
  6. Give thanks and offer a closing prayer

  "Taking 100% responsibility for the existence of that challenge in your life."
  (Tony Robbins, 13:36)

Forgiving Oneself and Self-Compassion

[14:20-16:34]

• Tony and Sage discuss forgiving one’s past self—with compassion, understanding, and the knowledge that unconscious actions lead to the evolution of conscience.

  “I can look back... and I have compassion for her, I have love for her, and I see myself and it’s like, gosh, I would choose differently today.”
  (Sage Robbins, 15:21)

  “It was the unconscious that created the conscience… we fall asleep so that we have the power to wake up.”
  (Sage Robbins, 15:38)

• Pain as a catalyst: Both note that pain and even humiliation can propel growth and awaken humility.

Why We Don’t Forgive: A Reflective List

[17:00-19:33]

• Sage shares personal reflections on barriers to forgiveness, including:

  • Blaming others for our misery
  • Demonizing others
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Addiction to the pain or story of the past
  • Repeating the same stories
  • Valuing ‘being right’ over connection
  • Believing others are unworthy of forgiveness
  • Numbing or distracting oneself from suffering

  “Ironically, there’s something so powerful in admission of, you know, hey, I wasn’t my best self in that moment and I’m sorry. It’s humbling.”
  (Sage Robbins, 19:17)

• Humiliation as a path to humility and relinquishing the ego

  “Humiliation is a path to humbleness.”
  (Sage Robbins, 19:32)

Letting Go When You Can’t Reach the Person

[19:33-22:08]

• Sage’s guidance when forgiveness isn’t possible in person:

  • Visualizing the person in light and saying:

    “The spirit in me connects to the spirit in you. I release you. I forgive you. I bless you. Thank you.”
    (Sage Robbins, 19:50)

  • Sit for a few minutes, offering the matter to “the source that beats our hearts.”

  • Miracles arise from humility and willingness.

    “When we don’t know what to do in our own human mind, remember that the power of our heart... miracles happen in that space.”
    (Sage Robbins, 20:44)

• Tony shares an alternate language for release:

  “I release you to your greatest good.”
  (Tony Robbins, 21:37)

• Sage appreciates the different energetic resonance of this wording, noting its lightness and spaciousness.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "It is a way to come back, to see center, to come back to zero point. It clears what I call bound energy, but... it’s ...not even specific. That’s the power of it."
  (Sage Robbins, 02:50)

• "The resonance and vibrations and the energy we put out—if you’re listening this far, you’re one of us."
  (Tony Robbins, 05:37)

• "Our heart has a vaster understanding or capacity. And so it’s really tapping into that."
  (Sage Robbins, 12:43)

• "It was the unconscious that created the conscience... we fall asleep so that we have the power to wake up."
  (Sage Robbins, 15:38)

• "When we don’t know what to do in our own human mind, remember that the power of our heart... miracles happen in that space."
  (Sage Robbins, 20:44)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:34] — Tony introduces Ho’oponopono
• [01:18] — Explanation of the four phrases and their meaning
• [02:34] — Sage explains how the practice works in daily life
• [05:00] — Dr. Hew Len’s story and explanation of “clearing resonance”
• [08:04] — Tony & Sage sing their family Ho’oponopono song
• [10:01] — Tony on healing guilt and human darkness
• [13:06] — Tony shares the six steps to Ho’oponopono success
• [15:21] — Forgiving your past self and compassion for personal growth
• [17:00] — Sage’s reflective list: "Why don’t we forgive?"
• [19:33] — How to forgive when you can’t reach the person; visualizations
• [21:37] — “I release you to your greatest good” quote and its significance

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Tone & Takeaways

The conversation flows with compassion, vulnerability, and a welcoming spirit. Tony and Sage encourage self-exploration, not dogma: “These are just things that you can simply experience and try it on; if it serves, beautiful. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too.” (Sage Robbins, 09:35)

The episode ultimately leaves listeners with a practical, profound perspective on forgiveness—not as a lofty ideal, but as a daily “coming home” to oneself and the possibility of love, healing, and evolution.

Transcript

[Tony Robbins]

Hi. Thanks for listening to the Tony Robbins podcast. This is just a quick note about this episode in case you'd rather watch and see the video of this conversation. And that's [e-mail] tonyrobbinslive if you'd like to listen, you're in the right place. There's something else I would really like to talk about. As long as we're on the topic of forgiveness, I was wondering if we could talk about hope. Oppoponopono.

[Sage Robbins]

Okay.

[Tony Robbins]

Because for me, in my 40 some years on this planet, the most transformational, if I had to say, like, one thing, like this has been the thing, a practice, a practice that has really served me in my life. It's what you and Tony have taught in the last maybe 10 years of. Of seminars and things. And that's this ancient Hawaiian practice called hopoponopono. And I would love to go there with you. Okay, let me set a little context. For those of you who have not heard about it. I have this little book here. There's many books about Ho'. Oponopono. This one was the smallest one on my shelf, and that's why I grabbed it. But I think that it does a great service. I think Billy Beck got us these books.

[Sage Robbins]

He did.

[Tony Robbins]

Billy loves to. Tony's trainer often comes over and brings us poignant little books. And this happens to be one of them. This one's by Orange Ulrich Dupree. It actually mentions Tony's name in here, by the way. I think that's why Billy brought it over. Anyway, hopo Ponopono is the Hawaiian ritual of forgiveness. It proceeds from an understanding of the unity of everything in the world, which is true. Even though we feel ourselves to be separate because of this unity or oneness, nothing can happen in our world without creating a resonance in the observer. It follows then that we can only influence problems in the external world if we heal the corresponding inner resonance. Okay. To accomplish this, Hopo Ponopono relies on four magic sentences. I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. That is the gist of Hopo pono pono. And so in Hawaiian, I have this one note on this page here. Ho. So it's ho. O means to make. And then pono means right or correct. So it means to. To make, right, to correct. And it's just the most beautiful thing I've seen you do it in. We do it in our own life.

[Sage Robbins]

Oh, all the time.

[Tony Robbins]

Talk to us about Ho'. Oponopono.

[Sage Robbins]

Okay. Well, once again, for those of you who are listening, this is a tool, it's a practice, and we all find our way. And these are all tools that assist with mental well being, with mental health. Certainly been my experience. The Hohopo Ono, there's inquiry, EMDR tapping. You had mentioned about individuals that have certain traumas or things to heal. And this is one of those really remarkable tools or practice, I suppose is more accurate. Every night at the end of our night when we put our daughter to bed, there's actually a little song that we sing. Um, and that includes the statements. And the statements aren't personal. It's not I'm sorry because or I'm sorry I did this. It's a clearing of space. You can intend, say for example, your family as a unit and I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you. Thank you. And you, you, I mean, you can just say it. You can say it in different tones of voice. You can say it quietly inside your mind. You can say it for a country, you can say it for your child. Say if, for example, if Tony and I were having a conversation and if I felt like, gosh, I was not my best self, and maybe he jumped on a call right away, I will say it just to clear the energy. And then I will go and say afterwards, honey, do you know what? I was not my best self in that moment to actually clear. But it is a way to come back, to see center, to come back to zero point. It clears what I call bound energy, but it clears resistance or it's not even specific. That's the power of it. And I think I've mentioned this before, after I get out of the shower, I'll do dry brushing and so forth. And while I'm doing my dry brushing, I'll say, I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you. Thank you. And I'll just do it because it's not necessarily specific, but we've all done. I've done unconscious things to my body, to this body being, to our human, you know, we can all be unconscious. And so it's clearing energy, it's clearing space, and it's kind and it's benevolent and it's loving. And the gentleman doctor, I think it's Lou or Hugh. Yes.

[Tony Robbins]

Yep.

[Sage Robbins]

He worked in an institution and he had the most remarkable hu.

[Tony Robbins]

Lin.

[Sage Robbins]

Yes. In the 80s and 90s, I think he actually worked in a prison.

[Tony Robbins]

Right.

[Sage Robbins]

And the results that he was having, and he didn't even necessarily tell people that he was doing it.

[Tony Robbins]

Someone asked him to work in this prison with Psychologically mentally ill, we would say today. Prisoners, yes. And he went through their files. This was in Hawaii. And he went through their files and reading the story of their life, their origin story. Not just. He never even visited with the prisoners. In many cases, he just read their files and he would say, I'm sorry, please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. He would say that hundreds of times, pouring over. And so to Sage's point, like, it could be personal. You can offer that. Let me finish the story. So, Dr. Lin.

[Sage Robbins]

Yes.

[Tony Robbins]

These, I mean, folks were just. It was downright miraculous by all accounts, of everyone who worked at this prison. And how was this happening? And they were short staffed and nothing new was really going on, and this guy's not even seeing them. How could this be? And it's that it changes the resonance. And I understand that resonance and vibrations and the energy we put out is a little airy fairy for a lot of folks out there, but if you're listening this far, you're one of us, and we can offer these words to folks. You mentioned a few things, and I just want to clarify. When Sage said, you know, it's not personal, you can offer it to a country, I'm sure many of you, this is a common. This is a common scenario these days, unfortunately, you flip on the news and it's your watch. You know, we could be sitting there at the dinner table and the news footage is like the unimaginable in other parts of the world. And, you know, just the destruction and the loss of innocent life and children, and it's just like, right? And so you sit there and for me, too, it's like, what can I do about this? What do I do? And if I don't do anything, what does that say about me? It's like, this is something that actually you can do. Sage said it clears. What does that mean? It's like in the moment, you can get so present and just be with that situation that we see offer, like, I'm so sorry, please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. And for any part in this whole humanness that I have, I'm not in that war. I'm in this war. Yes, we're in. We're in this. And so I feel like also, like, when you said there's not sides, can't we see how it's so easy to divide and conquer us in a million different ways? And then when you read something like the work of Dr. Lin and it sinks into your heart, like, and at the end of the day, we are all human beings on this rock in eternity. Maybe we should work together. Ho', oponopono, I think is like just the most beautiful. Simple children can do it. Tell them what you sing each night to our daughter.

[Sage Robbins]

Well, let's sing it. It's a simple little ditty. You can fast forward if you prefer.

[Tony Robbins]

I'm so sorry, I love you. Please forgive me and thank you. I'm so sorry, I love you. Please forgive me and thank you.

[Sage Robbins]

We've sang that since our daughter was in the womb. And we'll hear her on the crip cam singing a couple.

[Tony Robbins]

She sings it. You guys. If you've never heard a two year old sing that song, it's really, it's.

[Sage Robbins]

Just, it's a practice, you know, these are all tools. We have options out there. We can medicate ourselves, we can distract ourselves, we can entertain ourselves. And by the way, we've all done every, every perspective. We can drink ourselves numb to try and escape the pain. And you wake up on the other side and there it is again, knocking right, you know, at us. These are ways of neutralizing some of the confused confusion. Or you could look at it as a way of coming back into alignment, a way of coming home and try it, try it. These are all things we're not here to share, to tell what anybody to believe or to do. These are just things that you can simply experience and try it on if it serves, beautiful. And if it doesn't, that's okay too.

[Tony Robbins]

And if you hear sage say like, how is this a mental health tool, this little song that a two year old can sing? It's I will speak from my own experience of like moments of anxiety, guilt, shame, darkness, human darkness. Those caves that we crawl ourselves into. And I think I speak for everyone again. Some stay in those caves longer than others. But in times when I'm like, I don't know how to get out of this, when I'm feeling guilt, when I'm feeling in the past, when I was, say, drinking or before, I've made changes in my life. If you've ever woke up on the other side of a big night and felt that guilt and shame, what can you do in that moment? I wish I knew about this. When you're laying there and just in your own self loathing and I wish that I knew. You can say to the people that won't answer your phone call anymore, how do you reach them? To the folks that you know you can't find on Facebook? Distant past, doesn't matter to yourself. You can offer These. And I like how you said neutralizing because it does. I hadn't thought of it that way before, but it has almost like a chemical reactivity to it. It's like when you're hooked and you're angry and you're in that like face melting acid of the feeling of those of those lower face melting acid.

[Sage Robbins]

That's an awesome.

[Tony Robbins]

That's how it feels like. Isn't that what it feels like? And then you said it neutralizes. And then like if you have wronged someone in any way and it's on your conscience and your little Jiminy Cricket is like, shouldn't have done that, dummy. How could you do that again? It's like for me, even. Even at this stage of my life it's still like okay, if I can't reach this person right now, I can sit here and get present offer. Like I'm so, so I see what I just did there. I really never want to do that again. And please forgive me and know that I love you so much and thank you so much for just hearing me right now. Like, I can't explain that. If you give that practice, your heart, it has a neutralization and a chemical reaction to neutralize the face melting acid and actually rip you out of that hole that we can get ourselves into of human darkness, of depression. All these. All of these things that are top of mind in the conversation. What are some other remedies besides drug it? It's like a child could do this.

[Sage Robbins]

Yes.

[Tony Robbins]

It's basic fundamentals. This is what the human heart is capable of if we come back home.

[Sage Robbins]

And it's a way back home. It's a journey home for us all. Back to oneself. And that really is back to our heart. Because it's love that has vaster intelligence than intellect alone. Our heart has a vaster understanding or capacity. And so it's really tapping into that.

[Tony Robbins]

That's beautiful. Can I offer you this? One book suggests six steps to Ho' opono's pono success. And I've actually all the times you guys have been teaching this for like a decade years. But I've actually never heard these six steps. I think they're beautiful. Let me offer them to you. Pardon me. Okay. Step one is to join with the original source, Akua in Hawaiian. The being of light. And the ancestors, God, spirit, the creator, the universe. However that resonates with you. Number two. To contemplate and accept whatever is presenting as the problem. The challenge number three, to take a hundred percent responsibility for the existence of that challenge. In your life. Number four, to be ready, following forgiveness, to handle things differently. Number five, to mutually pardon and forgive. And number six, to give thanks and offer a closing prayer. I love those. That's an addition that I had never heard. What do you think?

[Sage Robbins]

No, it feels utterly accurate. And there's a universality in all these wonderful practices and tools. And we're excited for you to try this on and experience for your own life and family.

[Tony Robbins]

Talk about too, how you said you'll offer it. I love that you do it while you're dry brushing, you hippie. But to our bodies. Our bodies sure, sure can take. Can bear the brunt of this human existence. This little skin suit that we're in, the things that we choose to do to our bodies, ingest, put our bodies through. And whatever that again, makes you think of. It can be an individual thing. I'm thinking of again, like unhealthy choices, permanent choices, other interrelational choices of all of those things. And again, if you're someone that's like guilt and shame come up for you, try doing this to yourself. It's profound. Can you. How do you use that in a way of letting yourself off the hook for. You talked in the past about different versions of yourself, and I love the idea of that.

[Sage Robbins]

I can look back, gosh, a year ago, five years ago, 10 years ago, and I have compassion for her, I have love for her, and I see myself and it's like, gosh, I would choose differently today. I would navigate. I navigate my life differently. But it was the unconscious that created the conscience. Like, you know, we. You can't have one without the other. I think we fall asleep so that we have the power to wake up.

[Tony Robbins]

Because our life plays out over time. Like we are in space and time for that.

[Sage Robbins]

Well, gosh, I think that's the power and the gift of this human experience is it's constant iteration and evolution. And. And it's not just the beautiful that has caused that causes that evolution. It's actually pain. You know, the. And I think the gift of pain is. It's humbling. You know, it's. It's. It's humbling.

[Tony Robbins]

Like, for me, it's like, man, those tattoos I got when I was 18 or like, oh, that relationship situation, I really wish I handled differently and I would absolutely now from this place. But you don't know what. You don't know.

[Sage Robbins]

Yes, I think we can all. I'll look in my closet and think, what on God's green earth was I thinking? I'll look at photos myself and really think I look rather absurd or whatever. If you said something, done something, we've all been there. We've all been there. And I think that's the power and the gift of the human spirit is evolution.

[Tony Robbins]

That's it.

[Sage Robbins]

Evolution, evolution. You know, preparing for this, I was considering two things. Number one, why don't we forgive? Yesterday I was just really reflecting. I was asking myself, okay, when I haven't forgiven, why didn't I forgive? Or where, you know, where did that energy come from? Or why wasn't I letting go? And so I came up with a list and I'll share them and see if you find them relatable. We don't forgive when we blame others for our own misery. We don't forgive when we demonize another human being. We don't forgive when we have unrealistic expectations of another. We don't forgive when we're addicted to the pain of the past or the story rather than the freedom of this moment. We don't forgive when we keep telling the same old story again and again. If you ever notice when you're not forgiving and you believe this person wronged you and innocently we trouble talk and keep that narrative going by sharing with our sisters or sharing with our friends or can you believe it? Like he or she did this thing or said this thing. So ego, mind, fear, mind is fueling itself and building an architecture around the original belief or the original thought. We don't forgive when we value being right over being connected. We don't forgive when we believe they don't deserve to be forgiven. They don't deserve to be forgiven. Just check in and see if you can connect to any of these if they're relatable. We don't forgive when we numb or distract ourselves from our suffering. And I, you know, just self reflecting and looking at my own life of times when I felt that closure, that resistance or that holding on and I recognize God and that gosh, in that place of righteousness, you know, in that place of lacking the receptivity or the willingness and ironically there's something so powerful in admission of, you know, hey, I wasn't my best self in that moment and I'm sorry. It's humbling. It's humbling. I think that's the gift and the power of any disconnect or disconnect from ourself or whatever life offers us, the pain of that, the humiliation. Humiliation is a path to humbleness.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes.

[Sage Robbins]

And from that place, you know, there's more Receptivity, more flexibility to be open and reflective, to see oneself and therefore just tidied up in the moment. And for those of you who are listening and saying, okay, my, you know, I. My parent has passed, or, you know, I did this horrible thing and it was so many years ago and I don't know how to. You know what I mean? I can't go and say sorry, I don't know that we always necessarily need to. Once again, Hohopaono is a way of clearing the space. So another way of clearing if somebody has passed, or another way of clearing or forgiving, or if you feel that you're not able to reach out to an individual. The spirit in me connects to the spirit in you. I release you. I forgive you. I bless you. Thank you. And then you can picture them in a golden light or a violet colored light, by the way, you don't have to do any of this. This is just a suggestion. And then drop that image and just sit maybe for a few minutes of meditation. You open up to source, to the source of your being, to the source of our life, to the source that beats our hearts, and offer it up to that source. Because when we don't know what to do in our own human mind, remember that the power of our heart, the power of this divine intelligence that has created this exact moment, never mind this conversation that we're having together today, offer it to that space. And I think it's, you know, when there is that willingness, when we're humble enough to know that, hey, this human part of me doesn't have all the answers, miracles happen in that space. And that's just really beautiful and humble blame.

[Tony Robbins]

Whoa, Whoa. That is a gorgeous gift. I hope that people rewind that part and, and hear that again. It's like I read in, I think it was like a Florence Scoville Shin book once, and she uses a language. I release you to your greatest good.

[Sage Robbins]

Yes.

[Tony Robbins]

And so it's different. Feel the difference of like, I forgive you and, and the inferiority superiority that that has. And, and again, there's a place for. There's a place for everything, I'm.

[Sage Robbins]

I'm sure, yes.

[Tony Robbins]

However, the different resonance of I, I release you to your greatest good. I release you to your greatest good. Now there's like a lightness to that, that, that offers us and a spaciousness. I love the way that you. Language. That. That's you. You wrote that?

[Sage Robbins]

Yes, I love that.

[Tony Robbins]

It's beautiful.

[Sage Robbins]

Thank you.

[Tony Robbins]

The Tony Robbins podcast is inspired and directed by Tony Robbins and his teachings. It's produced by US Team Tony, copyright Robbins.

[Sage Robbins]

RA.